Hey guys, if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to get as many chapters out as I can before I go back to UNIV. Just so you know, I've decided to make a "Season 4." Season 3 will end on part 37. Parts 34 and 35 will be sent together as they are happening on the same day. Parts 36 and 37 will be sent together too but happen a few days apart. Currently finished with part 35 so I just need to work on part 34 and then they will be sent.
Stay on the lookout as I do think these new chapters will clear up a lot of loose ends.
A fellow reader made a playlist with most of the songs I've either used or will use in the series. If y'all want to listen to it while reading the chapters the link for it is this:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJZWEUrY9KRSfQ98rYlMYix46VM0CJ7XS
One new song will be added on to the playlist.
Fix You – Coldplay
The email you can reach me at is lore.guerra13@gmail.com for questions, comments, concerns or donations ha-`ha, just kidding!
In all seriousness, please don't forget to donate to nifty here, without which we wouldn't have this collection of great stories!
Every story is free on here, so please let's keep it that way and donate, guys.
http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html
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I had tried my best to cheer Jay up but, after weeks of not hearing back from Austin's music program, it was getting harder and harder to stay optimistic.
"Look, babe," I said, as Jay paced across my living room for the 15th time. "Why don't we hang out with Ralf and Lea tonight? We can invite your friends, too."
Jay looked at me with vaguely concealed sadness. "Yeah, no, that'd be great. I – I need to distract myself."
Just like that, I hit up Lea and Ralf and we set up a dinner hangout. We decided on hitting up Texas Roadhouse tonight in hopes that it would help distract Jay's anxiety.
In all honesty, I was relieved that Jay hadn't heard back from Austin yet. I wasn't feeling too confident that the admissions department at UTA's science program would give me another chance. If Jay didn't make it in, he would have to stay in our university for another semester. It was selfish, I know, but I really liked the guy. I wasn't ready to lose him just yet.
We all showed up at Roadhouse at around 8PM, and sat together in a booth. The evening went according to plan – Jay was being distracted from thoughts about his missing admission letter. With Lea and Ralf carrying the conversation and myself buying drinks, Jay was smiling and laughing.
At one point, Jay excused himself to go to the bathroom. I moved out of the booth to let him through and sat back down. As he walked away, I noticed he took a left instead of a right. He wasn't headed to the restroom – he was headed outside.
I excused myself, too, and followed Jay outside. It took me a minute but I found him sitting with his back to his car's wheel. Slowly, I walked up to him and sat next to him.
Without looking at him, I took his hand in mine. "You really want this, don't you?"
Jay rested his head on my shoulder. "Yeah, I do. It was all I could talk about since, like, 8th grade."
I wanted to make him feel better, the same way he had made me feel better. I know how much he wanted this and I knew how much it meant to him. Looking at him, I knew that I wanted Jay to be happy – even if it meant I had to say goodbye to him.
Right there – sitting down in that parking lot – I squeezed his hand and sang.
"When you try your best but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want but not what you need.
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep.
Stuck in reverse and the tears come streaming down your face.
When you loose something you can't replace.
When you love someone but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?"
Jay looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine. I held both of his hands and brought them to my face. I was scared that sooner or later, he and I were going to have to say goodbye. I was scared that only one of us would get into Austin and the other would be left behind. I was scared we would lose one another. I was just sure as hell that tonight was not the night.
Tonight, I was going to love him through this.
"And high up above or down below.
When you're too in love to let it go.
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth."
Jay locked eyes with me and I could see how hurt he was. I kissed his forehead and he rested his head back on my shoulder.
"Tears stream down on your face.
When you lose something you cannot replace.
Tears stream down on your face and I –
Tears stream down on your face.
I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes.
Tears stream down on your face and I –
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you."
We stayed sitting down in the parking lot for another few minutes while Jay composed himself again. When he did, I helped him up and we walked back to Roadhouse's front door. Before we went it, I grabbed Jay's forearm.
"Listen, Jay."
Jay let go of the door and looked at me, expectantly.
"I'm here for you, okay?" Jay gave me a small smile but nodded. "I'm serious. You're getting into that school, though. They'd be stupid to not let you in."
"Thanks, Lex." Jay leaned in and gave me a small hug. "Really."
I nodded and we headed back into the restaurant to finish off our night.
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I can do this, I told myself.
I just need to keep cool for a little while longer.
"Ems, I'm going to stop by the old house one more time to fix up some of the trimming in the living room. I'll be back by six."
I looked at Sebastian as he loaded up his car with his tools. I was so nervous, but Diana had said all I needed was to get either his toothbrush or hair comb to send to the lab. All of this worrying would be over soon.
"Ok, babe." I leaned toward him and kissed his cheek. I don't know if it was my imagination or guilt but I swear I felt him flinch at my touch. "I'll see you by six, then."
I leaned in the doorway and saw Sebastian drive away. I turned back to see Lily walking across the living room. I picked her up and carried her back to our room. Setting her down on the bed, I walked into our restroom. I took out a small plastic bag that came in the paternity kit and held it in front of me.
There's no going back from this.
If you do this, you already fucked up.
I blinked away my thoughts and reached for Sebastian's toothbrush. Putting it inside the plastic bag, I replaced it with a brand new one.
Swallowing my guilt, I put the plastic baggie in my purse, put Lily in her baby seat and drove to Diana's to send the complete kit.
By this time next week, the results would be back and I'd know for sure if Sebastian was the father to my new baby girl.
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"Hey, Jay, do you know if I left my red swimming trunks here?" I walked out of Jay's room and into his living room looking for my shorts. We had a pool party at Lea's and I really liked those shorts. I saw him stand with his back to me, looking at something. "Jay?"
"It's here," he said.
"What's here?" I walked towards him and tried to look over his shoulder. "Jay?" I repeated.
"My letter. It's here."
Shit. His acceptance letter.
"What – what does it say?"
Jay turned around and showed me the envelope. "I – I haven't opened it. I – I can't."
I met his eyes and saw fear and uncertainty in his eyes. Whatever that letter said, it was going to mean something huge for both of us. "Do you want me to?" I offered.
Jay seemed to consider it, "No," he decided and shook his head. "I'll do it." Taking a deep breath, Jay ripped open the envelope and took out the letter. I tried to read his face to get a clue on what was written in it but was unsuccessful.
"What does it say, Jay?" I held his forearm in my hand and squeezed.
Jay let out a deep breath and looked up at me. "I – I made it." A small smile spread on his face. "I made it in!"
I congratulated him. I smiled and said I was as excited as he was.
Inside, I knew that this might mean me saying goodbye to him.
Inside, I knew that if I didn't make it into Austin, too, I'd be stuck here without Jay.
I faked another smile.
I lied and said I was as excited as he was.