Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2006 21:29:33 -0500
From: GREG ANDERSON <ga_anderson@verizon.net>
Subject: Was It Worth It

Disclaimer:

The usual disclaimers apply -- i.e. The story describes sexual
relationships, sometimes explicit, between consenting male adults.  If this
offends you, you are not interested in such material, or if you are not of
legal age to access such material you are advised to direct your web
browser to another page.  The situations described are based upon my own
experiences and the characters are based on people in my life; however the
story should be considered a work of fiction since I have changed names,
etc.  Blah, Blah, Blah!  You've all heard this stuff before!

This story is a continuation of sorts, and an ending.  Interesting
contradiction don't you think?  It's a continuation since it has the
characters of my previous story Alex and Zach.  It's an ending since it
deals with the end of Alex and Zach's relationship.  That being said, this
obviously isn't a happy ever after story, so if that is what you are
looking for, you might want to make another choice.  Also, if you haven't
read my previous story, this one might make more sense if you stop and go
back and read the chapters of Alex and Zach first.  It can be found in the
college section of the Nifty Archive.

I've been very hesitant about writing this story for a variety of reasons.
The first is the roller coaster ride I knew it was going to have on my
emotions.  The second is I really don't know how well it is going to be
received.  Several people have written to me, urging me to continue my
story of Alex and Zach, for which I want to thank them.  Many have
suggested that I write this portion of the story.  In the back of my mind I
can't help wondering if those who have asked for this part of the story
really know what they are asking for.  I'm not going to sugar coat this --
and I have already mentioned this -- but one last time -- this is not going
to be a feel good story.  That being said, I will give you my honest
attempt to give those of you who have asked for it what you wanted.

As always, I welcome feedback, both positive and negative as long as
constructive, and comments, suggestions or questions can be directed to me
at my yahoo group.  (I'm going to continue using the existing Alex and Zach
group for any and all of my stories; and it especially seems appropriate
for this story.)  You can reach the group at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlexandZach/.  Or you can direct them to my
email at ga_anderson@verizon.net. Now, onto the story...

****************************************

"Zach, can you come into my office for a few minutes?"  Zach looked up as
his supervisor Barb called to him from her office door.  Nodding his head
affirmatively, Zach got up from his desk to follow Barb into her office.

Zach vaguely wondered what Barb wanted to talk to him about.  He wasn't
particularly concerned though.  Zach knew he did a good job and he also
knew that Barb was genuinely pleased with his work.  More over, he and Barb
were pretty close and Zach didn't see any of the signs that Barb was upset.

When Barb closed the door to her office, Zach began to wonder if he was
wrong.  Barb rarely closed the door to her office unless something serious
was happening.  Zach began to quickly review the last several days in his
mind to see if he could remember something that would warrant Barb's
unusual behavior.

Barb took in the look of worry on Zach's face and started to smile.  "Relax
Zach," Barb said laughing.  "You're not in trouble or anything.  I just
wanted to talk to you about your future with the Bank.  What do you see
yourself doing in the future?"

Zach couldn't help sighing a little in relief.  "You sure know how to worry
a guy Barb," Zach said making Barb smile even more.  "And you sure ask a
loaded question too," Zach continued.  "I really don't know if you want the
truth.  I like what I'm doing, and I love working for you.  But I can't
really see myself staying in what's basically an entry level data entry
position for the next twenty years either."  Zach smiled wistfully.  "I
really like most of my customers too, but the job is beginning to get a
little boring.  If it wasn't for you teaching me some of your duties I
probably would have gotten bored out of my mind a long time ago."

"Well, I was glad you were willing to learn my job so you could help me
out," Barb replied seriously.  "With only the four of us here in the
department, I really needed someone to be able to fill in for me if I'm
gone."

"I'm glad you were willing to teach me, but sometimes I feel like I'm
stepping on the other guys toes," Zach answered frowning slightly.  "I
mean, I am the newest guy in the department.  I sometimes think it might
have been better if you had trained Chris or Ron instead of me.  They have
never said anything, but I sometimes wonder if they don't resent my being
the one who is your backup."

"I don't think you have to worry about that Zach," Brenda said in a
slightly disgusted tone.  "They were both here for over a year before you
joined the department and they never once asked for additional training.
They have never once showed any inclination to learn or do anything more
than their current jobs.  If they really wanted to learn how to do anything
else, they have both had more than enough time to ask for the opportunity.
And that's why you are my backup even though you are the newest.  You did
ask.  You showed initiative.  And quite frankly, you're quite a bit smarter
than they are anyway.  I probably shouldn't say that, but I know you aren't
going to go and repeat it everywhere.  I trust you Zach.  I can't say the
same about them."

"Thanks Barb," Zach said gratefully.  "That really means a lot to me you
know."

"I know," Barb answered smiling.  "But now for the tough question.  Would
you be interested in working in the loan administration department?
Specifically the larger commercial loans."

Zach eyes widened slightly.  "I, uh, well I really have never thought about
it truthfully," he replied a little baffled.  "Why do you ask?  Is the Bank
wanting to transfer me or something?"

Barb hesitated for several seconds, a concerned look on her face.  "Not
exactly," she finally answered.  "This news is going to come out in a week
or so anyway, but still keep this to yourself till you hear it officially.
I'm getting transferred.  The Senior Vice President, Todd, wants me to take
over the Custodial area and fix the department before it totally blows up."

"Is this happy news?" Zach asked frowning slightly.  "Do you want to take
that job?"

Barb smiled at Zach.  "I'm looking at it as a challenge really," she
replied.  "So yeah, it's a good thing.  I'm not saying I'm not going to go
crazy, but I'm looking forward to it.  I wasn't supposed to have stayed in
this department this long really.  And I'm ready for a change."

"Well, congratulations then," Zach said smiling, his voice tinged with a
little regret.  "I'm going to miss you being my boss though.  But what does
this have to do with my working in loans?"

Barb laughed.  "Right to the point!  As always!"  Barb said.  Barb
continued to smile, but her voice became serious as she explained.  "I wish
I could take you with me to the new department, but it's already top heavy
with employees.  In my mind, since I can't take you with me, I think you
should become the supervisor of this department.  And Todd almost agrees
with me.  You really are the most qualified for the job.  But, and I
reluctantly have to agree with Todd here, if you were promoted over Chris
and Ron they would probably quit on you.  And this account is too important
to lose over something like that.  So since I can't take you with me, and I
can't make you the new supervisor here, I thought you might like to
transfer to a different department.  I think you would do really well
there.  And Gary, the supervisor, is a really great guy that you could
learn a lot from.  This would give you a chance to move up in the Bank too.
Something that isn't too likely in this department."

"Wow!"  Zach said stunned.  "I don't know what to say.  I certainly wasn't
expecting this."

"I know it's sudden and unexpected, but is it something you think you would
like?"  Barb asked intently.  "If it is, I can speak with Gary.  I have
already broached the subject with him, and he would like to bring you into
his department too.  But it's really your choice Zach.  And unfortunately,
you have to decide pretty quickly too.  Gary has to hire someone real soon,
like as in two days ago!"

Zach stared at Barb for several seconds, his mind whirling.  Finally, he
smiled.  "I don't know why I'm even hesitating," Zach said.  "Yes, I think
I would like to take a chance and go into the loan department.  If Gary is
even half as good of a supervisor as you, then I would be pretty stupid to
say no."

Barb smiled at Zach.  "Good," Barb replied.  "You interview with Gary at
two.  It's a formality, Gary has already decided to hire you.  But we all
have to go through the motions here."

"At two?" Zach said shocked and spluttering.  "How could I have an
interview with him at two?  You just now asked me."

"Because I already knew how you would answer," Barb said laughing.  "Pull
your tongue back in, stop frothing at the mouth, and close you jaws or
you're gonna look like an idiot!"

Zach stared at Barb for several seconds before he too started laughing.
"You are really bad Barb!" Zach said grinning.  "But thanks anyway!"

"You're welcome!" Barb answered smiling.  "We should go out and celebrate
our mutual job changes this weekend.  Are you free Saturday night?  Do you
have dinner plans yet?"

"I don't think so," Zach answered trying to think if he and Alex had made
any plans.  "I'm pretty sure I'm free anyway."

"Good!" Barb said enthusiastically.  "We can go out to eat, maybe grab a
drink after.  You and Alex can meet my new boyfriend Harry.  We can make it
a double date."

Zach looked up a little surprised at Barb's words.  He couldn't help
smiling as he saw Barb trying to figure out whether she had said too much.
"I, uh, guess we can."  Zach answered.

"I'm sorry Zach," Barb apologized.  "I shouldn't have said anything.  But
I've known for a while that you and Alex are a bit more than just
roommates.  But I still shouldn't have said anything till you had told me
yourself."

"Oh it's ok Barb," Zach said smiling.  "Alex and I don't really try to hide
that we're gay.  We don't run around with `We are gay' tattooed to our
foreheads, but we don't try to hide our relationship either.  You just
caught me a little off guard is all.  I'm sure Alex would like to go out
Saturday too.  But are you sure you're new boyfriend will be ok with it?"

Barb chuckled.  "Harry?" Barb asked.  "Yeah, he will be fine with it.  I
brought it up last night that I wanted to go out with you guys and asked if
he would have a problem with it.  He looked at me like I was crazy for even
bringing it up.  I think you guys are really going to like him.  At least I
hope so."

Zach smiled.  "You really like him don't you?" Zach asked.

"Yeah, I really do," Barb said grinning.  "I know we just started seeing
each other, but I really do like him.  We have a lot of fun together."

"That's good Barb," Zach said.  "I'm really happy for you.  I suppose I
should get back to work though.  I should probably try to keep doing a good
job.  At least until it's official that I'm transferring anyway.  Then I
can go back to slacking off again!" Zach grinned mischievously at this last
statement.

Barb grinned back at him.  "You're bad Zach!  Now get back to work before I
change my mind!"

"Yes Ma'am!"  Zach answered grinning as he headed out of Barb's office.
"You're such a slave driver!"  Zach laughed as he walked out and saw Barb
sticking her tongue out at him.

The rest of the day flew by for Zach, and as Barb had indicated, the
interview with Gary had been a mere formality and was pretty casual.  Zach
found that he shared Barb's opinion of Gary, that he was a great guy and
someone he could definitely learn a lot from.  Less than five minutes into
the interview and Zach was already totally comfortable with Gary and
couldn't wait to start working for him.  Zach couldn't wait to get home and
tell Alex his good news.

On the drive home Zach thought about how well his career was going now and
it made him reflect on Alex's career, or more properly lack of career.
After graduating from college Alex had been full of hope and aspirations of
entering the job market and really applying himself.  Alex had decided to
enter the social services area and had hoped to get a job as a social
worker, possibly working as a victims advocate.  It had been Alex's hope
that he could serve as an advocate for minors, especially younger children.
And Alex would be ideally suited for the position.  People just
automatically liked him and within minutes of meeting him they just seemed
to naturally open up to him.  And children latched onto him even faster.
Zach couldn't help remembering the first time his nephew Scottie had met
Alex.  Within minutes Scottie had started calling him Uncle Alex as if Alex
had always been a part of his life.  Alex just had an air about him that
drew people into him.

And then reality began to rear its ugly presence.  Alex had gone on
countless interviews with both State Agencies and private organizations but
nothing ever seemed to pan out.  It didn't help matters that the State had
severely cut funding to social services in the past few years and naturally
it was just as Alex graduated that the State announced a hiring freeze.
Still Alex had remained optimistic and knocked on every door he could.
Alex decided to take a job in a department store until he finally landed a
job in his chosen vocation.  And now it was seven years later and Alex was
still at that same department store.  He had moved up to the manager's
position of his department, but Alex hated the job and everyday Zach could
see the frustration and disappointment growing in Alex.  There were times
when Alex couldn't hide that defeated look in his eyes and it always tore
at Zach's heart every time he saw it.

Arriving home, Zach saw that Alex's car was already in its usual parking
place.  Zach walked into the house they rented and saw Alex sitting on the
couch, his eyes closed.  Zach walked up behind Alex, and leaning over the
back of the couch, kissed Alex lightly on the lips.

"Mmmmm," Alex sighed in appreciation without opening his eyes.  "Now I
remember why I keep you around," Alex teased smiling lightly.

"You keep me around cause you never learned how to cook," Zach teased back
kissing Alex a second time.  "Did you have a bad day?  You look pretty
tired."

"Well, it wasn't one of my top five anyway," Alex replied grimacing.  "I
had to cover two other departments besides my own because people called in.
And of course today was the day the semis made their deliveries.  I've got
aches in muscles I didn't even know I had."

Zach started rubbing Alex's shoulders and neck making Alex groan in
appreciation.  "That sucks Babe," Zach said sympathetically.  "You sit back
and relax now.  I'll make us something light for dinner and then if you
want I'll give you a back rub.  Are you hungry for anything in particular?"

"Mmmm," Alex moaned again as Zach continued to work on his neck and
shoulders.  "You know me, I'll eat anything Babe," Alex answered opening
his eyes and smiling at Zach.  "Just do something simple.  Don't go to any
trouble."

"You're worth the trouble," Zach replied smiling.  "But how about
hamburgers?  They're quick and easy.  We can be eating in about half an
hour."

Alex reached up and pulled Zach's face down for another kiss.  "That sounds
great Zach," Alex replied.  "Can I do anything to help?"

"No," Zach answered giving a final squeeze to Alex's shoulders.  "You just
relax.  Hamburgers are easy enough that I could make them in my sleep.  You
want me to bring you a drink?"

Alex grinned at Zach.  "I could get use to all this pampering!" Alex said.
"I'd love a beer, but I've been to lazy to get up and get it."

Zach grinned back at Alex.  "One beer coming up sir!" Zach said in a fake
servile tone.  "Did you want a straw too so it's easier to drink?  Maybe I
can get you one long enough so you don't even have raise the bottle every
time you want to take a drink."

Alex chuckled.  "I figured you'd hold it for me and bring it up to my mouth
whenever I wanted a drink," Alex teased back.  "You know, like a good slave
boy should!"

Zach lightly slapped the back of Alex's head, grinning at him.  "In your
dreams bud!  Next you're gonna want me to hold your dick for you when you
take a piss."

"You hold my dick all the time anyway, so I figured..." Alex answered
grinning, trailing off as Zach lightly slapped the back of his head again.
Zach went to the kitchen and returned with an opened bottle and handed it
to Alex.  As he passed the bottle into Alex's hand, Zach leaned in and
stole another kiss before returning to the kitchen to make dinner.

Zach started the hamburgers cooking as well as some French fries since he
knew Alex considered it a sin to eat burgers without fries.  Zach threw
together a lettuce salad to round out the meal and prepared some sliced
tomatoes and onions to serve as condiments.  Zach then whipped up the
Italian salad dressing that Alex loved so much, smiling as he remembered
the first time he had made the dressing for Alex.  Zach set the table and
placed another bottle of beer in front of Alex's plate and a glass of tea
in front of his.  Zach checked the burgers and fries, saw that they were
nearly done, and decided that he and Alex could start on their salads while
the rest of the meal finished and called Alex to come eat.

Alex walked into the kitchen and crinkled his nose at the sight of the
salad.  "I know we said light, but I assumed we would have fries with our
burgers," Alex complained in a little boy's voice.  Alex sat down at the
table and looked up at Zach reproachfully.  "We don't have to eat healthy
all the time do we?"

Zach started laughing as he leaned over to kiss Alex lightly on the
forehead.  "You are such a baby!" Zach teased.  "I'm trying to keep you
healthy!  But don't worry, the fries will be done by the time the
hamburgers finish cooking.  I know you have to have your French fries!"

Alex grinned sheepishly as he took a bite of his salad.  "It's tradition,
that's all," Alex mumbled with his mouth full.  Alex started to blush
slightly as Zach continued to grin at him "Stop it!  So I'm a big spoiled
baby!  You love me anyway don't you?"

Zach started laughing as he took a bite of his own salad.  "Yes, as a
matter of fact I do," Zach answered grinning at Alex again.  "In spite of
you being a spoiled baby, I still love you."

Alex laughed along with Zach and they continued to eat their salads.  "So
we know my day sucked big blue donkey dicks, but how was yours?" Alex
inquired around another bite of food.

Zach looked up and hesitated briefly before answering.  He knew Alex would
be pleased and proud of him, but Zach couldn't help feeling a little guilty
that he had good news when Alex's day had gone so bad.  "Well, Barb called
me into her office today," Zach started.  "It seems like she is being
transferred to another department and she wanted to talk to me about it."

"Oh, I'm sorry Zach," Alex answered sincerely.  "I know how much you like
Barb and how you enjoy working for her.  What does this mean for you?  Do
you know who your new supervisor is going to be?"

"Well, that's kinda what Barb wanted to talk to me about," Zach answered.
"She said she wished she could take me with her, but she couldn't.  So then
she asked if I would like to work in the loan department.  Barb said it
would be a good move for me and that I could really learn a lot from the
head of that department.  And she said that I would have a lot better
opportunity for advancement too.  She said she could get me transferred if
I wanted it."

"That's great Zach!" Alex said smiling hugely.  "You're gonna take it
aren't you?"

"I talked with Gary, the head of the department today," Zach said smiling.
"I've already accepted.  It's entry level, basically a lateral move from
where I am now, maybe a slight bump up, but not much.  But Gary is great
and really cool.  Barb has nothing but good things to say about him and
I've always trusted Barb's judgement.  Gary said I would get a token raise
for taking the job, but nothing I'd really notice.  But it is a chance to
learn something new and it is a chance to grow and move up."

"I am so proud of you Zach" Alex said, his eyes sparkling with pleasure.
"I know you'll miss working with Barb, but this sounds like it's a great
opportunity for you.  It's just great!"

Zach smiled.  "Well, I can still keep in touch with Barb," Zach replied.
"She is still gonna be at the Bank after all.  She did want to know if we
wanted to go out Saturday to celebrate our transfers.  And she wants us to
meet her new boyfriend.  She was really excited about possibly going out on
a double date with us."

Alex raised his eyebrows questioningly.  "So you have told Barb that we are
a couple and not just roommates?" Alex asked.

"No, she pretty much figured it out by herself," Zach answered.  "That
doesn't bother you does it?

"No, it's cool," Alex replied smiling.  "I don't care if our friends know.
It's not like we are in the closet or anything.  Truthfully I don't care if
everybody knows, I just don't think it's necessary to shout we are a couple
from the rooftop either."

Zach chuckled.  "Damn!  Guess I better cancel the town crier then," Zach
teased making Alex smile.  "But seriously, I agree with you.  I don't
particularly care what strangers do in their private lives so why in the
hell should they care about what we do in ours?  Barb kinda surprised me
when she just came right out and made the double date comment though.  It
was pretty funny when she thought she had said too much."

Alex laughed.  "And I'm sure you made her squirm too, didn't you?" Alex
teased.

"No," Zach protested laughing.  "I was good!  I let her off the hook real
easy.  I told her that we could go out on Saturday, but I can cancel if you
have other plans.  If I remembered correctly, you are off that evening."

"Yeah, I'm off and I think it might be fun," Alex answered.  "Barb has
always seemed really nice the few times I've talked with her so it should
be fun to get together with her outside of the work environment."

"Good!" Zach said enthusiastically.  "I think you will really like Barb.
Ready for your burger yet?  And before you get your panties in a knot, your
French fries too?"  Zach grinned as he got up to get the rest of their
meal.

"You know, I've noticed something about you Zach," Alex said grinning.
"You always seem to want to turn every conversation to a discussion of my
underwear.  Why is that?"

Zach nearly doubled over in laughter.  "Cause after eight years, I'm still
trying to figure out how you stuff that thing between your legs in your
briefs," Zach answered still chuckling.  "Especially since it always seems
to be sticking straight up!"

"When I'm around you it is anyway," Alex agreed laughing as he fixed his
hamburger.  "But you're a fine one to talk.  I don't think I've ever seen
you soft!"  Zach snorted with laughter and the two of them finished eating
their dinner.

After finishing eating, Alex got up to help clean off the table and winced
slightly as he moved wrong.  "Still stiff and sore?" Zach asked taking the
plate from his hand.  Alex nodded his head and started to rub absently at
the back of his neck.  "Go lay face down on our bed," Zach ordered.  "I'll
be there in just a second to give you a good back rub."

"You don't have to do that," Alex protested still rubbing at his neck.
"I'll be ok."

Zach absently piled the dishes in the sink and turned back towards Alex.
"Would you shut up and do as your told," Zach said smiling lightly at Alex.
"Let me pamper you a bit.  Just enjoy it.  Now go lay down and take your
shirt off too so I can give you a good back rub."

Alex smiled and quirked his left eyebrow up suggestively.  "Anything else
you want me to take off?" Alex asked grinning.

"Take off anything you want!" Zach laughed pushing Alex towards the
bedroom.  "Now get in there before I decide to spank you instead."

"Hmm," Alex said laughing as he headed towards the bedroom, starting to
unbutton his shirt.  "That might be fun too!"  Zach swatted him lightly on
the butt and Alex yelped in surprise.  "You big bully!" Alex complained
still grinning.

Upon entering their bedroom, Alex finished unbuttoning his shirt, pulled it
off and tossed it towards the laundry basket sitting in the closet.  Alex
lay face down on the bed and Zach climbed on top, straddling and sitting on
Alex's butt.  Zach began a slow, deep massage of Alex's shoulders, neck and
back making Alex groan in pleasure and relief.  After several minutes of
being massaged Alex was nearly purring in pleasure.  "You should do this
for a living," Alex muttered.  "To hell with the Bank!"

Zach chuckled in amusement.  "So you want me to give up my job and take up
rubbing hunky guys for a living?" Zach asked laughing.  "Is that what you
are saying?"

"Hmm," Alex replied also laughing.  "Well, maybe that's not such a good
idea after all.  We'll compromise.  You keep your job and just concentrate
on rubbing me.  How's that sound?"

"Sounds good to me Stud," Zach agreed smiling.  "As long as I get to rub
more than just your back that is."  Alex laughed his agreement and Zach
went back to massaging Alex's tired muscles.

Zach continued to massage Alex for another half-hour or so and Alex loved
every minute of it.  But eventually he decided he had about milked all the
pampering he should out of Zach and rolled over to face him.  Zach ran his
hands up and down Alex's chest for a few seconds smiling at him.  "Feel
better?" Zach asked.

"Oh God yes!" Alex agreed fervently.  "Granted I feel like a limp noodle
now, but I think you got all the kinks out.  Have I told you lately that I
love you?"

Zach smiled and leaned down and kissed Alex lightly on the lips.  "Yes, but
you can say it again," Zach replied.  "I can never hear you love me too
much."  Zach rubbed Alex's chest for a few more seconds.  "You know, you
should probably take a hot bath to really help relax those muscles."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Alex agreed.  "A good hot shower would
probably feel really good."

"No, a hot sudsy bath would be better," Zach disagreed.  "So you can just
soak for a while and let the hot water really work on your muscles."

Alex crinkled his nose in distaste.  "But I don't really like baths," Alex
complained.  "You know that."

Zach smiled as he continued to rub Alex's chest.  "Too bad," Zach said
smiling mischievously.  "I was gonna join you, but since you don't like
baths..." Zach trailed off.

Alex quirked his eyebrow up, smiling from ear to ear.  "You know," Alex
said, his eyes twinkling.  "Now that you mention it, I think a bath sounds
like a real good idea after all."

Zach started laughing.  "I thought you might change your mind!" Zach said
standing up and helping Alex stand.  Alex started to unbutton his pants and
Zach grabbed his hands, stopping him.  "Uh uh," Zach said, grinning as he
kissed Alex again.  "That's my job!"

Alex started laughing, but he held his hands up off his pants.  Zach
continued to kiss Alex and nibble along his jaw and neck as he slowly
unbuttoned and unzipped Alex's pants.  Zach slowly pushed Alex's pants down
until gravity took over.  Alex was moaning softly as Zach started rubbing
up and down the front of Alex's briefs.  Zach slowly started kissing and
nibbling down Alex's neck and chest, lingering along Alex's collarbones
since he knew just how sensitive Alex was in that spot.  Slowly Zach worked
his way down the rest of Alex's torso, stopping to swirl his tongue in
Alex's belly button eliciting a shudder from Alex.

When Zach reached the waistband of Alex's briefs, he started to slowly
nibble along Alex's growing length.  Alex was nearly dancing on his toes as
Zach thoroughly worked over Alex's throbbing shaft completely soaking the
front of Alex's briefs.  Finally, when Alex was nearly ready to explode
Zach quickly pulled his underwear down and Alex stepped out of him.  Zach
paused for a few seconds, licking along Alex's dick a few times before
standing and leading Alex by the hand into the bathroom.

Zach started the bath water running and added some bubble bath just for
fun.  He then turned back to Alex and started to kiss him again, exploring
every inch of Alex's mouth with his tongue.  Zach broke the kiss briefly as
he pulled his shirt over his head without bothering to unbutton it, but
immediately went back to kissing Alex deeply.  Alex had started to work on
the button and zipper of Zach's pants and soon he was pushing them down to
fall on the floor.  Zach and Alex's kisses became even more passionate as
they continued to run their hands over each other's bodies.

After a several more minutes had passed, Zach reluctantly broke off the
kissing and turned to shut off the water.  Zach then quickly pulled off his
boxers and gingerly stepped into the hot, sudsy water.  Zach slowly sat
down and then motioned for Alex to sit down in front of him.  Alex looked
at Zach questioningly for a second, but he obeyed they unspoken command and
got into the tub and sat in front of Zach.  As soon as Alex was in the
water Zach pulled Alex back to lean against his chest.  Alex smiled and
sighed in contentment as Zach slowly began to run a soapy wash cloth over
his chest and stomach.  Zach's slow washing was very sensuous and extremely
erotic and Alex couldn't help emitting a low, animal moan in pleasure.

Zach continued to rub the wash cloth lightly over every inch of Alex's
body, lingering with feather like touches over every sensitive spot.
Eventually Zach moved his left hand down to Alex's groin concentrating the
efforts of that hand on Alex dick and balls while his right hand continued
to explore Alex's chest and stomach.  Zach ran just the fingers of his left
hand over Alex's throbbing dick with a touch as light as a snowflake.  Zach
continued running his fingertips from the tip to the base with a touch that
made Alex's entire body shudder with pleasure.  All the while Zach
continued to nibble and kiss along the chords in Alex's neck driving Alex
nearly crazy.

After several more minutes Zach slowly ran his right hand down to briefly
join his left hand in the teasing stroking of Alex's dick and balls.  After
a few seconds Zach continued to run the fingers of his right hand down to
the area just under Alex's balls and slowly started to rub in small circles
causing Alex to gasp.  After a few more minutes Zach continued his
exploratory groping and started to slowly circle his fingers around Alex's
pucker.  Alex drew in a sharp breath and his body shuddered once again as
Zach slowly began to work his index finger barely in and out of Alex's
tight hole.

Suddenly Alex grabbed both of Zach's hands pulling them away from his body.
"I want you to make love to me Zach," Alex growled.  "I want you inside of
me now!  Please!"  Alex was nearly whimpering by the time he finished
speaking.

The response surprised Zach since Alex normally was not on the receiving
end when they made love.  In all the years they had been together, Alex had
only rarely played the bottom role.  Which was fine as far as Zach was
concerned.  Zach truly preferred being the bottom anyway, but every once in
a while it was nice to have a change.  But still, the response coming out
of the blue like that surprised Zach, and turned him on more than just a
little.

Zach kissed his agreement and readiness to comply with Alex's request and
helped Alex lift himself up.  Alex lined up Zach's dick and then slowly
allowed himself to slide down the length of Zach's shaft.  The warm water
and Zach's exploratory fingers had helped to loosen Alex somewhat, but he
still took it very slow since he was not use to being entered.  Finally,
after what seemed to be an agonizing eternity to Zach, Alex had worked
Zach's dick completely in and he settled back, leaning against Zach's
chest.

"Give me a couple seconds, ok?" Alex asked in a breathless voice as he
became adjusted to the intrusion.  After a few more moments of remaining
completely still, Alex let out a deep breath.  "Oh God!  I'm not gonna last
too long Zach.  Go slow."

It was awkward, but Zach settled into a slow gentle pace of slight thrusts
into Alex.  Zach reached around with his hands and started to slowly stroke
Alex's body with both of his hands, only occasionally touching Alex's
throbbing member with the lightest of touches.  Alex's breathing was
becoming more and more labored and he involuntarily reached to begin to
stroke his own dick.  Smiling mischievously, Zach brushed Alex's hands
away.  "Uh uh," Zach whispered in Alex's ear.  "Your body belongs to me
right now.  I'll decide when and what gets played with.  Just put your
hands up behind your head now.  So I'll know you'll be good."

"Oh God!" Alex moaned.  "You're killing me here Zach!" Alex groaned, but he
obediently raised his arms up over his head and clasped his fingers tightly
together behind his head.  Alex clenched his eyes together tightly,
fighting to last just a little bit longer and his moaning was almost
continual now.  Alex's entire body shuddered as Zach ran his fingers over
his ribs and up over his underarms, tickling him slightly.

"Zach!  Stop!" Alex pleaded suddenly.  "Don't move!  Give me a couple of
seconds or I'm gonna lose it."

Zach stopped thrusting and kept his hand still on Alex's body, letting Alex
calm down slightly.  Alex's body was still trembling as he continued to
struggle to regain control and his breathing was ragged.  After a few more
minutes, Alex opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to smile
sheepishly at Zach.  "That was close," Alex admitted.  "Too close!  And I
want this to last."

Zach just smiled his answer as he slowly started to run his hands over
Alex's body once again.  Alex groaned again, closing his eyes as the waves
of pleasure washed over his body.  Zach started slowly thrusting his groin
once again into Alex and Alex shuddered again.  Zach began to increase his
pace and dropped his left hand down to wrap around Alex's dick.  Zach began
to match his stokes on Alex's dick with the ever increasing pace of the
thrusting of his hips.  Alex began to tremble again and his breathing
became harsh.

"Zach!" Alex pleaded again.  "Slow down or I'm gonna shoot!"

"Go for it Babe," Zach whispered in Alex ears, nibbling slightly at the
lobes as he continued to thrust and stroke in an ever increasing pace.
After just a few more seconds, Alex groaned loudly and his entire body
tensed up before he started shuddering again.  With an animal growl, Alex
shot several long streaks that landed across his chest and stomach.  Alex
rolled his head quickly from side to side as the waves of pleasure washed
over him.

Zach slowed the pace of both his lovemaking and his stroking of Alex's
dick, but he didn't stop completely.  Zach continued the dual assault on
Alex's body, sending almost painful waves of pleasure through Alex.  Alex
weakly started to paw at Zach's hands that were stroking his dick with such
sweet torture.  "Zach, oh Jesus!" Alex whimpered.  "You gotta stop!  That's
too intense!"

Zach again increased the pace of his thrusts of his hips as well as the
strokes of his hand and Alex began moaning and whimpering once again.  Zach
started nibbling along the chords of Alex's neck even as his thrusts became
nearly frenzied.  After several more minutes, Alex cried out as he started
to shoot once again, albeit much less forcefully this time.  The shuddering
of Alex's body finally drove Zach over the edge of climax and he pulled
Alex into him tightly as he shot his warm fluid deep inside Alex.

The two of them lay back in the bathtub, just relaxing for several long
minutes, basking in the afterglow of their shared passion.  Zach continued
to lightly kiss along Alex's neck and occasionally nibbled at his ear as he
slowly rubbed at Alex's chest and stomach.  Alex had his eyes closed, and a
contented smile played across his face as Zach nuzzled softly at his jaw.

"Ohhh," Alex moaned softly.  "That was good.  I thought I was gonna pass
out when you kept going after the first time I came though.  You've never
done that to me before."  Alex half opened his eyes and smiled at Zach.  "I
didn't even know I COULD do that!" Alex laughingly admitted.

Zach chuckled along with Alex for a few seconds.  "You inspired me!" Zach
whispered softly into Alex's ear as he nuzzled him again.  "I wanted to
make you feel as good as you always make me feel."

"I'd say you accomplished that and then some," Alex smiled.  "God!  I feel
like a very limp noodle now."

"Yeah," Zach agreed.  "But I guess we better get out of here before we
become water logged and shrivel all up.  Besides, the water is starting to
cool down now.  Lets rinse all the bubbles off with the shower though and
then go cuddle on the couch for a while."

"Ummm," Alex agreed as they stood up and turned on the shower for a few
seconds.  "I could cuddle with you all night long.  Make that all life
long.  I love holding you in my arms as we watch TV."

Zach smiled as they stepped out of the shower.  "It's one of my favorite
past times too!" Zach agreed.  The two of them started to dry off as the
headed towards their bedroom to grab some clothes.  Zach pulled on a pair
of boxers that had Scooby Doo on the front.  Seeing Zach in those boxers
always made Alex smile in amusement since he knew just how much Zach still
loved that cartoon.  Alex pulled on a pair of flannel boxers that Zach
loved and then he was reaching for a T-shirt when Zach grabbed his hands
stopping him.

"Will you do me a favor?" Zach asked looking in Alex's eyes.  "Will you
leave your shirt off tonight."

Alex quirked his eyebrows up questioningly at Zach as he smiled in
amusement at Zach.  Zach blushed slightly but grinned as he continued to
explain.  "I want to feel your skin next to mine as we lay together.  And
besides, I love the way you smell right after you have taken a bath.  You
skin smells so clean and fresh and I love it."  Zach's blush deepened
slightly.  "And you smell especially sexy right now since we just made
love."

Alex grinned at Zach and threw his shirt back into the drawer.  "I think I
can do that favor for you," Alex teased as they walked out to the living
room and the waiting couch.  Alex lay down on the couch in a half reclining
position leaning against the armrest at one end.  "But you need to do me a
favor in return."

Zach grinned at Alex wondering what was going through Alex's mind.  "And
what exactly is this favor you want?" Zach asked in a bantering tone.

"I want you to take off your boxers before you lay down and cuddle with
me," Alex answered, his eyes twinkling.

Zach's eyes widened in surprise as he looked back at Alex.  "You want to go
again?"  Zach asked incredulously.  "Already?"

Alex started laughing.  "No, not yet," Alex answered.  "I won't be ready
for at least another five minutes or so."  Zach rolled his eyes at that
comment but he continued to smile.  "But I always end up with my hands in
your crotch anyway when we cuddle, and if you take off your boxers now, I
won't have to fight with them later."

Zach shook his head at Alex laughing along with him.  "You're bad!" Zach
said grinning as he pulled off his boxers.  "And lazy too!" Zach added as
he crawled onto the couch to lay against Alex's chest.  Alex immediately
wrapped his arms around Zach as well as folding his legs over the stretched
out length of Zach's legs.  "I just hope we don't have any company stop by
tonight or peek in the window," Zach said as Alex started to absently run
his hands in lazy circles over his chest and stomach.

"You worry too much," Alex murmured into Zach's ear absently.  Already
Alex's left hand had begun to inch towards Zach's groin, playing with the
curly hair growing there.  "And if someone is perverted enough to go around
peeking in windows, then they can't complain about what they might see."
Alex nuzzled his nose softly into Zach's cheek.  "Besides, we could just
charge them for the show if they linger," Alex finished chuckling softly.
Zach laughed softly in agreement as he snuggled into Alex's embrace.  Zach
smiled contentedly as the warmth of the moment washed over him and he
allowed himself to relax completely in Alex's arms.

"I love you," Zach said softly.  "You know that don't you?"

"Yes I do," Alex breathed back into Zach's ear.  "And I love you too."
Zach sighed and closed his eyes, secure in the embrace of the man he loved
so dearly.

***

The next day at the Bank it was announced that Zach would be transferring
to his new department starting the very next day.  The sudden move startled
Zach but Barb explained that Gary really needed him to start as soon as
possible.  Barb also told Zach privately that she wanted to make sure that
Zach's transfer went through and was settled before she went to her own new
department.  Zach was both excited and nervous at the same time and he
hoped that he could live up to everyone's expectations.

Barb and Zach went to lunch together, ostensibly to celebrate Zach's move,
but more just because they enjoyed each other's company.  As soon as they
were away from the department, Barb lost no time in turning the
conversation to their upcoming double date.  "So are you and Alex going to
be able to make it Saturday?" Barb asked.  "Harry is probably even more
excited than I am about going out."

Zach smiled.  "Yeah," Zach answered.  "I asked Alex last night if he was
free and off work and he is.  Alex is pretty excited about going out too.
We don't get a chance to go out and socialize all that often.  Especially
since Alex refuses to go out with any of the people he works with.  He
always says he spends enough time with them, by the end of the day he just
wants to get away from them before he kills them."

Barb chuckled at Zach's comment.  "So Alex doesn't really like the people
he works with?"

"Oh, overall I think he thinks they're ok," Zach replied.  "But he is kind
of tired of his job.  And more than a little frustrated.  Alex would really
like to get a job in his field, he just can't seem to get in the door.  I
think it bothers him sometimes.  I sometimes think Alex feels like he
wasted his time at college."

"That's too bad," Barb replied sympathetically.  "I'm really sorry that he
is having such a hard time starting his career."  Barb was quiet for a few
moments.  "So, am I being too nosey if I ask what job he wants to do?"

Zach grinned at Barb.  "Since when are you concerned about being nosey?"
Zach teased prompting Barb to stick her tongue out at him.  "Alex would
really like to work as some kind of social worker.  I think his dream job
would be if he could somehow work with troubled or neglected kids.  Maybe
as some kind of advocate or something."

"Wow!" Barb said impressed.  "I don't know if I could do that myself.  I
think I would have a hard time dealing with those kinds of issues on a
daily basis.  But I really admire the people that go into that line of
work."

"Yeah," Zach agreed.  "I don't think I could do it either.  I think I'd get
too worked up with each case.  And the first time I encountered an abused
child I'd probably lose it.  But Alex really wants to work with people, to
help them with their problems.  He wants to make a difference in people's
lives.  I just wish he could get his chance."

Barb smiled understandingly.  She could tell that Zach was bothered by his
inability to help Alex.  Smiling, Barb tactfully changed the subject to
small, unimportant matters around the Bank and the two of them finished
their lunch.

The next couple of days were a blur for Zach.  There was so much to learn
in his new job, but Gary was a patient and very skilled teacher.  And Gary
often expressed how pleased he was with the progress Zach was making in
picking up his new duties.  And the chance to learn something new excited
Zach immensely.  He often found himself trying to explain what he had
learned to Alex and then he would catch the amused expression on Alex's
face as Alex listened intently.  Zach knew that Alex didn't really
understand what he was explaining to him.  But Alex always listened
intently, smiling at Zach's little boy enthusiasm.

Saturday finally rolled around as well as the double date with Brenda and
Harry.  Zach was busy primping in the bathroom after finishing his shower
and Alex was finishing up dressing in their bedroom.  "So where are we
going to eat anyway?" Alex yelled out to Zach.

"To Yuppie Heaven!" Zach called out teasing.  "The Olive Garden."

"What's wrong with The Olive Garden?" Alex asked as he started to fiddle
with the stereo.  "I like their food.  Especially since they will keep
bringing me breadsticks."  Alex was shuffling through their collection of
CD's and finally settled on one and put it into the player.

Zach came walking out of the bathroom smiling.  "Yeah, and the whole staff
sighs with relief when you finally finish eating those breadsticks too!"
Zach teased.  Zach paused on the way to the closet to kiss Alex's pouting
lips.  "And nothing's wrong with The Olive Garden.  I like their food too,
but it is kind of cliché don't you think?"

"Yeah I guess," Alex said absently as he skipped a couple of tracks on the
CD.  Finally, Alex found the song he wanted.  Alex turned around to face
Zach as the music began to play.  `I Remember You' by Skid Row started to
play over the speakers.  Alex walked over to Zach, singing the words of the
song to Zach, his eyes shining.  Zach closed his eyes as Alex reached
Zach's favorite part of the song.

We spend the summer with the top rolled down Wished ever after would be
like this You said I love you babe, without a sound I said I'd give my life
for just one kiss I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Alex pulled Zach into a tight embrace as he broke off singing.  "You know I
feel that way about you don't you?" Alex whispered into Zach's ear.  "I
love you more everyday."  Zach just nodded his head, too choked up to
speak.  Alex tightened his embrace and then continued to sing to him.  Zach
rested his head against Alex's shoulder, a smile on his face.  Finally the
song ended and Alex lifted Zach's face and kissed him.

"You are really bad Alex," Zach said smiling at him.  "You know that song
always chokes me up.  Especially when you sing it to me."

"I know," Alex replied softly.  "But I wanted to remind you just how much I
love you and how very proud I am of you.  I forget to tell you that
sometimes, and I wanted you to know."  Alex tightened his embrace for a few
seconds before breaking away.  "Now you better hurry up and finish getting
ready before we're late.  You are always dawdling!" Alex teased, grinning
from ear to ear at Zach.

Zach started laughing as he turned back to the closet.  "I hate you, you
know that don't you?"  Zach asked in a bantering tone.

"Yep!" Alex answered promptly grinning at Zach.

Zach finished getting ready and then they took the short trip to meet Barb
and Harry at the restaurant.  Arriving, they found Barb and Harry had
already made it to the restaurant had put their names on the waiting list
which was surprisingly short for a Saturday evening.  Introductions were
made round and soon the four of them were chatting like they had all known
each other for years.  A very short time later a waitress showed them to
their table and took their orders for drinks.

"I hope The Olive Garden is ok with you two," Barb said as she looked at
the menu.  "You both like Italian food don't you?  I know Harry loves it."
Harry grinned as Barb finished.

"Yeah, it's fine, even if Zach does call it Yuppie Heaven," Alex said
grinning at Zach.  "We both love their food, although I think Zach's
cooking is better.  He doesn't let me eat as much when he cooks though.
That's why I like eating here."

"You like any food that is set in front of you," Zach said rolling his
eyes.  "And as long as someone keeps bringing you food, you're happy and
it's your favorite place!"  Zach looked at Barb and Harry.  "I strongly
suggest you both guard your food well.  Otherwise Alex will try and steal
it from you.  And if you value your fingers, don't offer him a bite of
anything."

"Hey!" Alex protested as Barb and Harry laughed.  Alex grinned at the
teasing.  "I haven't bitten anyone in at least a month.  And you aren't
suppose to tell my secrets!"

They all shared a laugh and went back to chatting.  When the waitress
brought out their salad and breadsticks Zach was amused to see that Alex
was trying to moderate himself.  Even so, Alex was the first to finish and
sat watching the others eat, a slightly wistful expression on his face.
Zach grinned at him and then filled his plate with salad again making Harry
and Barb both laugh.  Alex blushed but he did pick up his fork and begin to
eat once again.

Zach found himself chatting with Barb quite a bit about the Bank and the
various events and people there and he noticed that Harry and Alex both
smiled at them and then start their own conversation.  Zach found he
genuinely liked Harry and he seemed to be a good match for Barb.  Zach was
also happy to see that Alex and Harry seemed to be hitting it off as well.
If things continued to go so well maybe they could go out more often.  Zach
had to admit it was good to see Alex enjoying himself in a social setting
again.  Since graduating college it had seemed the opportunities to
socialize with friends had gotten rarer with each passing day.

Their entrees arrived and Zach was once again amused to see Alex
deliberately pacing himself, slowing down the usual gulping of his meal
with which he usually ate.  Zach noted that Alex was trying to make a good
impression and was on his best behavior.  It was obvious to Zach that Alex
wanted to include Barb and Harry in their circle of friends as much as he
did.

After finishing their meals, Harry suggested they go to one of the nearby
bars to finish the evening.  When they arrived they found the bar only
moderately busy and easily found a table.  Barb excused herself to go
freshen up and Zach offered to go up to the bar and get everyone's drinks.
After several minutes, Zach place the order with the lone bartender who
apologized for the lengthy delay and started to make the drinks.  Alex and
Harry had just wanted a beer so those were relatively easy, and Zach was
just having a rum and coke, but Barb had wanted a strawberry daiquiri and
that was taking a little bit of time to make.  Barb had finished in the
ladies room and walked up to the bar noticing that Zach was still waiting
on the drinks.

"So what do you think?" Barb asked as she walked up next to Zach.

"About Harry?" Zach asked.  "He seems really nice Barb.  And he and Alex
seem to be hitting it off too.  I think you might have found a keeper
here."

Barb smiled at Zach.  "Good!" Barb said.  "I'm glad the two of you like
him.  He really seems to like both of you too."  The bartender placed the
finished daiquiri in front of Barb and she and Zach picked up the drinks to
carry them back to their table.

When Zach walked up to the table he noticed that Alex wasn't smiling
anymore and seemed a little sad and upset.  Zach glanced at Harry and
noticed the slightly baffled look on his face.  Zach frowned wondering what
had happened in the short time he had been away.  Barb also noticed the
change in the atmosphere and glanced questioningly at Zach.

Barb and Zach took their seats and attempted to start the conversation back
up.  Harry seemed ready to participate and tried on various occasions to
include Alex, even going as far as to ask direct questions of him.  Alex
however refused to be drawn out.  He was still as polite as ever and he
answered when spoken to directly, but his answers were invariably short and
to the point.

After a time Barb and Harry got up to get another drink.  Harry asked both
Alex and Zach if they were ready for another drink, but both declined.  As
soon as they were away from the table Zach turned to Alex.  "What's wrong?"
Zach asked concerned.  "What happened while we were gone?"

Alex only glanced at Zach before returning his eyes to the table.
"Nothing's wrong," Alex replied unconvincingly.  "I think I'm just a little
tired.  Would you mind much if I went ahead and went home?"

"We can leave as soon as they get back," Zach answered.

"No, you don't have to leave if you're not ready," Alex said smiling
slightly at Zach.  "I'm sure Barb and Harry will give you a ride home when
you guys finish.  There's no need for you to cut your night short just
because I'm tired."

Zach stared at Alex for a few seconds wondering what thoughts were running
through his head.  "No, it's ok," Zach answered.  "I don't mind leaving
now.  I'd rather be with you."  Alex looked up briefly, a wistful half
smile on his lips.  Zach knew something was bothering Alex, now he just had
to get it out of him.  And it appeared that Alex had decided to be stubborn
about it.

After a few more moments Barb and Harry returned to the table and Zach told
them that they were going to call it an early night since they were both
tired.  Barb imperceptibly looked at Zach, catching his eye and nodding
just enough to be seen and to communicate her concern.  Alex roused himself
enough to extend his farewells too and even shook Harry's hand warmly,
which baffled everyone at the table.  Clearly something was upsetting Alex
and Zach was starting to get very concerned about what it was.

They drove home in near silence, the radio the only sound in the vehicle.
Zach kept looking over at Alex as he drove them back to their home, trying
to figure out a way to get Alex to talk.  Alex had closed his eyes almost
as soon as they got into the car, but Zach could tell he wasn't sleeping.
The feigned tiredness didn't fool Zach for even a second.

When they got back to the house, Alex wandered around the living room
listlessly for a few moments and then announced that he was going to go
ahead and go to bed.  Zach stared after him for a few seconds and then
followed him into their bedroom.  Alex had already pulled the covers back
on the bed and was starting to undress when Zach entered the room.  Alex
looked inquiringly at Zach as he continued to pull off his clothes.

"I think I'll go to bed too," Zach answered the unvoiced question.  Alex
merely nodded as he pulled off his pants and slipped into bed.  Zach
quickly stripped and crawled into bed next to Alex.  Zach leaned over and
kissed Alex tenderly and Alex smiled briefly at Zach before closing his
eyes.  Zach settled next to Alex and quietly watched him for a few moments.

"Alex," Zach finally said softly and Alex opened his eyes and looked at
him.  "What's wrong?  Something's bothering you.  You became awfully quiet
tonight.  Did Harry say something to you or something?"

Alex shook his head slightly.  "No, not like you are thinking anyway," Alex
answered quietly.  Alex was silent for several moments.  "It's not his
fault.  Harry's a nice guy."

"But he did say something to upset you didn't he?" Zach probed intently.
"Otherwise you wouldn't have said it's not his fault.  What was it?"

Alex was silent for several seconds and Zach began to wonder if he was
going to answer at all.  "Harry just asked me what my degree was in," Alex
answered finally, his voice sad.  "And when I told him psychology he then
asked where I worked.  He was just making small talk.  But when I told him
that I was a department manager at a department store he looked a little
surprised.  I could tell he was wondering how I ended up with that job
after getting my degree in psychology.  And I wonder that myself sometimes
Zach.  I feel like I just wasted my time getting my degree."  Alex paused
for several seconds and averted his eyes from Zach's.  "Sometimes I feel
like such a failure.  And worse, I feel like I've let you down.  That I've
failed you too."

"Why would you feel that way?" Zach asked incredulous.  "You have never
failed me Alex.  Never!"

"Yes I have Zach," Alex replied still not looking into Zach's eyes.  "I've
let you down.  I'm the one who finished college and I can't even get a good
job.  Let's face it Zach, you're the breadwinner in this family.  I may not
be very good at math, but even I can figure out the difference between our
pay and who brings the money into this house.  I couldn't even make it on
what I earn Zach."

"I don't care about that!" Zach protested.  "It doesn't matter to me how
much you make.  How could you think you've let me down just because I earn
more than you do?  Money just doesn't matter to me."

Alex finally looked into Zach's eyes his expression sad.  "But it does
matter to me Zach," Alex answered.  "Don't you understand?  It was always
my plan to get a good job so you could quit and go back and finish your
degree.  It's not fair that you didn't get a chance to.  And I've let you
down."

Zach took a deep breath.  "Alex, listen to me," Zach said.  "You did NOT
let me down.  You have NOT failed me.  A degree is meaningless to me.  It's
not important to me.  I can always go back and finish, but it's not
important right now.  At this point getting my degree would only be to
complete a personal goal.  It wouldn't serve any other purpose.  I do
intend to get it someday, but it doesn't matter to me when."

"We've been playing that `someday' game for seven years Zach," Alex
replied.  "When does your someday get here?  How long are you suppose to
wait?  How can you think I haven't failed?  It's been seven years Zach.
I've been chasing my career for seven years now.  And I'm no closer now
than I was the day I graduated."

Zach pulled Alex into a tight embrace.  "Do you want to try something else
then?" Zach asked after several minutes.  "I don't want to make you feel
worse, but do you want to go back and study something else?  You can.  I'll
stand behind you in anything you want to do Alex.  It will be a little bit
tight, but you can go back to school if you want.  I just want you to be
happy."

Zach could feel the warm splash of Alex's tears hitting his chest.  "No I
don't want to go back," Alex answered.  "I wouldn't even know what to go
back for now.  What to study.  I just don't want to feel like a failure
anymore."

Zach had to fight to push back his own tears at the anguish in Alex's
voice.  "You're not a failure Alex," Zach said intently.  "It's important
to me that you not think that.  It's important that you know that I have
never thought you failed.  You have never let me down Babe.  You aren't
capable of it."  Zach squeezed Alex even tighter.  "You know that I love
you, right?  You know that everything I said is the truth don't you?"

Alex didn't answer for several minutes.  And when he did, he didn't speak,
he just nodded his head.  But Zach could feel more tears hitting his chest
and he knew that Alex still didn't accept the truth of his words.  Zach
knew that Alex still thought he had failed and that nearly tore his heart
in two.  Zach held Alex tightly long into the night, long after Alex had
finally managed to enter a fitful sleep.  Zach's own heart was too heavy to
even think about sleeping for many hours afterwards.

***

The next morning Zach woke to find Alex leaning over him pulling away from
a gentle kiss.  Zach smiled at Alex who smiled back at him.  "Good morning
sleepy head," Alex said softly to Zach.  "I'm sorry to wake you, but I
wanted to tell you I'm gonna go for a jog.  I'll be back in a bit."

"It's ok," Zach answered smiling.  "You can wake me with a kiss anytime.
You're up kind of early though aren't you?"

"Not really," Alex replied as he brushed the hair out of Zach's eyes.
"It's actually kind of late.  I let you sleep in."

Zach glanced at the alarm clock and saw that it was already half past nine.
Zach's eyes widened as he realized how late he had slept.  "Man!" Zach
exclaimed.  "It is late!  I need to get my lazy ass going."

Alex grinned at him and then kissed him on the forehead.  "I don't think
sleeping in once qualifies you as a lazy ass," Alex said.  "And even if it
does, sometimes it's ok to be lazy.  I'll be back in an hour or so."

"Have a good run Babe," Zach said as he sat up and stretched.  "I might
even be up and going by the time you get back."  Alex grinned at him as he
left.

Zach stretched again working the kinks out and slowly climbed out of bed.
Zach pulled on a pair of his Scooby Doo boxers and headed out towards the
kitchen.  Eight years of being around Alex had made Zach a little less self
conscious, but he still usually wore at least a pair of boxers when walking
around the house even when alone.

Zach grabbed a chocolate Pop Tart, still his favorite breakfast, and
started to munch happily on the pastry as he tried to kick-start his brain
for the day.  Zach poured himself a glass of milk and sat at the kitchen
table to finish his breakfast.  Zach mulled the events of the previous
evening over in his mind as he continued to munch on his breakfast.

Zach had finished his pastry and was lingering over his milk when the phone
rang.  Getting up and grabbing the cordless handset he answered the phone
as he walked into the living room.  "Hello," Zach answered the phone
vaguely curious about who was calling.

"Hi Zach," Barb's voice greeted him from the other end.  "I didn't call too
early did I?"

"No," Zach answered.  "Although I did just wake up a few minutes ago.  I
usually get up earlier, but Alex decided to let me sleep in.  He must have
turned off the alarm clock before it went off."

"How is he?" Barb asked, her voice concerned.  "Even I could tell something
was bothering him last night.  He started out so animated at first, but
when we got to the bar he seemed to get really upset."

Zach hesitated for a couple of seconds before replying.  "Yeah," Zach
answered.  "Something Harry said bothered Alex..."

"What did Harry say?" Barb broke in, her voice starting to get heated.  "If
he said something inappropriate I'll kill him!"

"No, it wasn't anything like that Barb," Zach said quickly.  "Harry
couldn't have realized what he was saying was going to affect Alex so much.
He was just making small talk, trying to get to know Alex.  He asked about
Alex's education and then about his job.  It was just piss ass poor timing
is all.  Alex is just having a really hard time right now.  Any other time
it probably wouldn't have even phased him."

"Hmmm," Barb said.  "Well I'm glad it wasn't something Harry said
intentionally.  I've got to admit that Harry was just as baffled as I was
as to what happened.  He really wants to be friends with the two of you.
And I think he and Alex have a lot in common too."

"Yeah," Zach replied.  "I could tell that Alex really liked Harry too and
was enjoying himself at first.  It's too bad Alex reacted the way he did.
He's really starting to worry me.  Alex is just so frustrated right now.
He told me last night, after I finally got him to talk, that he feels like
a failure.  It's really tearing me up and I don't know what to do to help
him."

"Oh Zach," Barb said even more concerned.  "I'm so sorry!  Alex is too
special of a guy to have feelings like that."  Barb hesitated for a few
seconds.  "Do you think he would get more upset if I tried to help him get
a job?  Or should I keep my big nose out of it?"

"What do you mean Barb," Zach asked.  "How can you help him get a job?"

"I know several of the higher ups at the State," Barb answered.  "I can
talk to them, recommend Alex for a job.  Can you get me a copy of his
resume?  I can give it to a few of my friends over there.  And Harry knows
a couple of the department heads too.  I'm sure he would be willing to talk
to them too.  He really does like Alex."

"I can get you his resume," Zach replied.  "But how is that going to help?
The state has been on a hiring freeze for several years now."

Barb chuckled.  "Zach, you really are naïve aren't you?" Barb said.  "Just
because they say they are on a hiring freeze doesn't mean that people
aren't getting hired.  It just makes it a little harder is all.  It's all
in who you know with the State.  I'm not saying I'll be able to get him
hired, but I will give it my best shot.  Now the question is, will Alex be
more upset if I help him or not?"

"If you can help him even get an interview I think it will help his ego
enormously," Zach answered.  "It will be the boost to his confidence that
he really needs right now.  I'll get you his resume on Monday and I'll talk
to him about it.  I'll make him accept your help."

"Alright Zach," Barb said.  "I'll give my friends a call then and tell them
I'm recommending Alex to them.  We can at least get your boy an interview."

"Barb you're a life saver!" Zach answered excitedly.  "Thank you so much.
You don't know how much I appreciate this."

"I'm just glad I can help Zach," Barb answered warmly.  "I'll let you go
now.  I mainly just wanted to check to see if everything was all right
anyway, and I've got that answer.  I'll see you on Monday.  And don't
forget to bring me Alex's resume."

"Bye Barb," Zach said.  "I'll remember.  And thanks again!"

Zach hung up the phone and walked over to their computer.  Turning it on,
Zach started searching for the resume that he had created and saved for
Alex.  Bringing up the file, Zach took a few minutes to update some
information and printed out a copy.  He was busy proofing it a final time
when Alex came home.

"Hey Babe," Alex greeted Zach wiping the sweat from his forehead.  "It's
going to be hot out there today.  I'm glad I got my jog in when I did.
What are you doing?  I see you haven't taken the time to get dressed yet.
So much for you being up and ready by the time I got back."  Alex was
grinning at Zach as he teased him.

"I'm printing your resume," Zach answered smiling at Alex.  "I got a call
from Barb while you were gone.  She thinks she and Harry can get you an
interview with the State.  They both know some of the department heads over
there."

Alex frowned slightly as he looked at Zach.  "But the State isn't hiring
anyone right now," Alex protested.  "I appreciate their trying, but I don't
think it will really do too much."

"You never know till you try Babe," Zach answered.  "I said the same thing
to Barb when she mentioned it to me.  She said that just because they are
on a hiring freeze doesn't mean people aren't getting jobs.  She's not
promising that she can get you hired.  But she was positive she could get
you an interview.  Is it ok that I told her I'd bring her your resume?
Will you go if she can get you an interview?"

Alex continued to frown for a few more seconds and then shrugged his
shoulders.  "It's ok," Alex said as he kissed Zach's forehead.  "And I'll
go.  It can't hurt anything to go interview.  I don't really think anything
will come of it, but I'll go."

Zach smiled in support of Alex as he stood up and kissed him again.
Breaking away, Zach smiled at Alex.  "You reek by the way," Zach teased
getting a smile from Alex.  "Do you want some company in the shower?"
Alex's smile positively glowed as he started to pull Zach towards the
bathroom.

***

Monday rolled around and Zach got a copy of Alex's resume into Barb's hand
first thing.  Before he had even walked out of her office Barb had already
picked up the phone to start making phone calls.  It was only an hour or so
later that Barb called Zach to let him know that she had arranged for her
friend at the State to give Alex a call to set up an interview.  Zach was
overjoyed with the speed with which Barb had managed to get results.

It was only a few minutes later and Zach got a call from Alex.  "Zach!"
Alex voice was nearly shouting with happiness.  "I got an interview!
Already!  I'm supposed to go in and see them tomorrow.  How did Barb do it
so fast?  You have to thank her for me.  I'm gonna call her right after I
get off the phone with you, but you make sure to thank her too!"

"Alex that's great Babe!" Zach said happily.  "I promise I'll thank Barb
for you.  You didn't shout this loud on the phone with the State did you?"
Zach teased.

"Almost!" Alex laughed back.  "Zach, I'm so excited I can't even sit still.
It's been so long since anyone would even look at my resume.  I'm gonna be
bouncing off the walls by this time tomorrow."

Zach laughed.  "We'll have to have a special supper tonight," Zach
promised.  "I'll make you Fettuccini Alfredo with chicken.  I know how much
you love that.  And I'll make you that apple pie thing you like so much."

"You don't have to do that," Alex protested.  "It's just an interview after
all.  I'm just excited about it is all."

"I want to," Zach answered.  "I've got to get back to work though.  I'll
see you tonight.  And Alex, I'm so very happy for you.  I love you!"

"I love you too," Alex answered, his voice filled with emotion.  "You are
the best!"

Zach's day flew by as he anticipated getting home to see Alex.  It was so
good to hear the little boy excitement back in Alex's voice again.  Zach
prayed that the interview would go well and Alex would be hired, but he
felt that Alex's hope had at least been rekindled again.  That was
something pretty special all by itself.

True to his word, Alex was bouncing off the walls when Zach got home.  Zach
couldn't help laughing at Alex's antics even though he kept getting in the
way trying to help make their supper.  Finally, laughing, Zach banished
Alex from the kitchen and made him go watch TV.  Zach shook his head as he
listened to Alex quickly scan through the channels multiple times.  Idly
Zach began to wonder if their remote would survive the night.

After they had eaten, with Alex attacking the food with his usual gusto,
they retired to the living room to cuddle on the couch and watch some TV.
Alex quickly pulled Zach down to lay against his chest in their favorite
position and within minutes had already worked Zach's shirt off and had one
of his hands down the front of Zach's pants.  Zach turned his head to smile
amusedly at Alex and Alex grinned sheepishly back at him.  He didn't remove
his hand from Zach's groin though, not that Zach really minded.

Finally the news came on and Alex turned his full attention to Zach's body
trying to distract him from watching the late news.  Alex was nibbling
intently on Zach's ears, jaw line and neck and Zach could have sworn that
Alex had somehow acquired a few more hands since it felt like Alex was
touching him everywhere all at once.  Finally, after the tenting and the
huge wet spot grew more than a little noticeable on the front of Zach's
pants, Zach gave up.  Standing up and smiling at Alex, Zach pulled him up
and led the grinning Alex towards their waiting bed.  Neither of them got
very much sleep that night.

The next morning Zach helped Alex get ready, making sure his suit looked
impeccable and that he was groomed to perfection.  Alex could barely sit
still he was so excited and Zach had to frequently remind him to take deep
breaths to calm back down.  Zach kissed Alex good luck as they parted ways
and made him promise to call just as soon as the interview was over.

At work, Zach tried to concentrate on his job, but was much to preoccupied
with thinking about Alex to really accomplish too much.  After an hour of
basically shuffling papers, Barb stopped by his desk.  "You look like your
earning your pay today," Barb teased as she sat on the corner of his desk.

"I can't concentrate," Zach answered grinning sheepishly at her.  "I'm
gonna be a wreck by the time he finally calls me.  I hope to God this goes
well for him.  I can't bear to see Alex so unhappy."

"It might take a few times Zach," Barb cautioned.  "Even if he doesn't get
a job right off the bat, it's important for you both to keep a positive
attitude.  We'll keep trying as long as it takes."

"I know," Zach replied smiling at Barb.  "And thanks.  Now would you mind
stopping by here about every ten minutes or so and repeating that?  Cause
I'm probably gonna need to hear that pretty often or I'll work myself all
up into a tight knot."

Barb chuckled in amusement at Zach.  "It might be easier if I make a sign
and just tape it to your computer," Barb laughed.  "And just think of the
gossip we could start if I stopped by that often!"

"Hmmm," Zach laughed back at her.  "That all by itself would be worth it!
We haven't had any good gossip running around the office for a while now."

"You're a very Bad Boy Zach," Barb laughed as she stood up to go.  "Let me
know what you hear when Alex calls.  And remember, breathe!"

Zach grinned as he went back to shuffling papers on his desk.  By the time
a few more hours had rolled by Zach was about ready to scream.  Finally his
phone rang with an outside call and Zach nearly tore the phone out of the
wall he grabbed it so fast.  "Hello," Zach said forgetting to give the
company greeting.

"Hi Babe," Alex answered.  "You sound a little tense."

"I'm going nuts here Alex!" Zach protested.  "How did it go?"

"Pretty good I think," Alex replied.  "They had me take a couple of tests
while I was there which I have never done before.  I hope I did ok on them.
At least there wasn't any math on them."

"I'm sure you did fine," Zach answered.  "So you think it went good then?
Did they say anything about talking to you again?"

"Yeah, I think it went well," Alex answered his voice sounding pretty
positive.  "We can't get our hopes up over just one interview, but I think
overall it went well.  They said they would be back in contact with me in a
few days."

"That's great Alex!" Zach said happily.  "I know Barb is going to be
pleased too.  She stopped by a little earlier."

"She is really a great friend," Alex replied.  "Make sure you thank her for
me again when you guys go to lunch."

"We haven't even talked about lunch," Zach protested.

Alex laughed.  "You know you are gonna go to lunch with her Zach!" Alex
said.  "You're gonna want to thank her and she is gonna want to get the
details out of you!"

Zach laughed.  "Yeah, probably," Zach agreed.  "She's probably going nuts
herself wondering how it went.  I'll see you tonight Babe.  Love you."

"Bye Zach," Alex replied.  "Don't forget I close tonight so I'll be late.
And I love you too!"

The next few days seemed to fly by and drag at the same time.  Alex's
outlook had improved considerably and Zach could see the spark had been
recaptured by Alex.  At the same time, it seemed the wait to hear from the
State dragged by taking centuries.  Surprisingly, it was Alex who had the
most patience with waiting and Alex often had to remind Zach that it might
be quite some time before they heard anything.

On Friday afternoon Zach received a call at his desk.  Answering the phone
he heard Alex on the other end.  "I just got the call we've been waiting on
Zach," Alex said his voice subdued.

Zach braced himself, expecting the worst from the tone of Alex's voice.
"It didn't go well?" Zach asked quietly.

"Well, it's all relative," Alex replied.  "They offered me a job..."

"Alex that's great!" Zach nearly shouted, cutting in."

"Hold on Zach," Alex replied his voice still quiet.  "They offered me a
job, but it's in a city a couple hundred miles away.  They said I could
think about it over the weekend but I think I'm going to turn it down."

"What?" Zach said, his voice getting louder.  "Are you crazy?  Alex, you've
waited too long for a job offer to turn it down."

"Zach, it means I'd have to move," Alex replied sadly.  "Part of the terms
of the job is I have to be located within a certain distance of the job."

"So we'll move," Zach answered.  "We're just renting that house anyway.
We'll get a new place."

"Zach, that would be too far for you to drive back and forth to work
everyday," Alex explained patiently.  "You'd be on the road a couple hours
each way every single day.  It's too much.  I'm just going to turn them
down."

"No you're not!" Zach answered forcefully.  "They gave you the weekend to
give them an answer.  That gives us some time to talk about it and work it
out.  Promise me that you won't call them till we have had a chance to talk
it over."

Alex was quiet for a couple of seconds.  "All right Zach," Alex finally
answered.  "I'll wait to tell them I'm not able to take this job."

"Alex!" Zach said irritated.  "We'll talk about it tonight.  We'll figure
something out."

"Ok," Alex said sadly, his voice unconvinced.  "I'll see you tonight Babe.
Love you."

"I love you too," Zach replied.  "We'll figure it out tonight."

Zach hung up the phone wondering why Alex was so dead set against this job.
It was what he had been waiting for all these years.  So why didn't he want
to take it?  There wasn't anything that special about their home that they
couldn't leave it.  And they would still be relatively close to all their
family and friends.  It wasn't that far away that they had to move.

Zach stopped by Barb's office to fill her in on the news and Barb was
equally baffled by Alex's reaction.  They went to lunch and discussed it
further.  Barb weighed in with several options and opinions, but in the end
they both agreed that Zach was going to have to talk with Alex and get him
to admit why he didn't want this job.

On the drive home Zach mulled over everything in his mind.  Why was Alex
being so stubborn?  This was his chance so why was he throwing it away?
Zach wondered if Alex was scared, but that didn't really make sense either.
Alex didn't run away from these types of things.  And although he might get
nervous about something new, Alex always took it as a challenge and a
chance to grow.  So what was the problem this time?

Zach walked into the house to find Alex sitting on the couch drinking a
beer.  Alex looked up as Zach walked in, his eyes sad.  The hang dog look
on Alex's face tore at Zach's heart and he knew it had to be something more
than simple fear that was keeping Alex from accepting the job offer.

Zach leaned over to kiss Alex and then took a seat next to him.  "Talk to
me Alex," Zach began.  "This isn't like you.  Why won't you take this job?"

Alex hung his head for a few seconds before replying.  "It just isn't right
for me Zach," Alex said sadly.  There's too many drawbacks to this job
offer for me to accept it."

"Like what?" Zach asked intently.  "What are the drawbacks?"

"It's so far away," Alex began lamely.  "All our friends are here.  And so
is your family.  And your job is here too.  It's just an entry-level job
anyway.  I'm not really passing up much."

"If you're not passing up much then why are you so upset," Zach asked
looking intently at Alex.  "Turning this job down is upsetting you.  I can
tell.  I know you too well."

"I'm just disappointed is all," Alex tried.  "I was hoping when I got the
call that it would be a good offer.  But it's ok.  Maybe the next one will
be better.  I can keep working at the store till then.  I'll call them on
Monday and tell them I have decided not to take this one."

"Alex, I can tell this job offer means more to you than what you are
saying," Zach said heating up a little.  "You need to take this job!"

"No I don't," Alex denied.  "This one just isn't for me..."

"Damn it Alex!" Zach nearly shouted.  "Shut up and listen to me!"  Zach
took a deep breath and then continued in a quieter, calmer voice.  "I love
you Alex.  But these last few years, watching you work at a job you hate,
it really tears me up inside.  Everyday I see you get a little more
discouraged and frustrated.  I see how miserable you are.  Everyday it's
like another little part of you dies.  I don't want to watch that anymore.
You have to take this job Alex.  You have to!  You might not ever get
another chance and I love you too much to watch you pass up your dreams.  I
don't want you regretting what might have been.  I don't want to wake up
someday to find you resenting me.  I couldn't take that!"

Alex looked down at the ground for a few seconds shaking his head.  "Why do
you have to be so smart?"  Alex whispered, the fight draining out of him.
"Don't you understand Zach?" Alex asked looking up with a pleading look in
his eyes.  "If I take this job we're gonna split up."

"What are you talking about?" Zach asked confused.

"If I take the job it means we're gonna split up," Alex said again trying
to answer.  "You'll be here and I'll be a couple hundred miles away.  A
long distance relationship just wouldn't work for us Babe.  You know that."

Zach's eyes widened.  "We won't have to split up," Zach said, his voice
frightened.  "I'll come with you.  I'll quit my job and get a new job up
there."

Alex smiled sadly at Zach.  "You know I'd never let you do that Zach," Alex
said quietly.  "I know how much your new job means to you.  I know how much
you like it.  I see it everyday when you come home excited about something
new you've learned."  Alex smiled warmly.  "And I see it when you try to
explain what you learned to me even though you know I don't understand.
You're like a little boy again Zach.  I could never let you leave your job.
Not when it's that important to you."

"It's just a job!" Zach said, his voice rising again.  "I can get a new
job.  There's banks everywhere!"  Zach's voice was starting to get a little
frantic.

"Zach," Alex said patiently, his voice still sad.  "How long did it take
you to get this job?  How long did you have to work at crap jobs you hated?
How long will it take you to work yourself back up the chain at a new job?
The same argument you are using with me to take this job offer, well, it
applies to you too.  I don't want you to end up resenting me either."

Zach stared at Alex for a few seconds, his expression incredulous.  "You
had already thought of all this didn't you?" Zach asked, his voice barely a
whisper.  "That's why you wouldn't talk about it isn't it?  That's why you
didn't even want to discuss it."

Alex stared back into Zach's eyes, his expression tormented.  Slowly he
nodded his head yes.  Zach stared back at him, his eyes tearing up.

"Damn it!  That's not fair!" Zach exploded.  "It's not fair!" Zach repeated
more quietly.

Alex smiled sadly at Zach for a few seconds.  "No one ever said life was
gonna be fair Babe," Alex finally answered quietly.  "You should know that
better than anyone."

Zach's shoulders slumped in defeat as he continued to stare at Alex.  Tears
started rolling down Zach's cheeks as the full situation finally dawned on
him.  Alex quickly pulled Zach into a fierce embrace and Zach buried his
face into Alex's chest as he started to sob.

After several moments, Zach pulled his face away from Alex's chest.  He was
still crying, but his expression became determined.  "You still have to
take the job Alex," Zach said quietly.  "You can't let this chance go.  I
love you too much to let you pass up your chance.  You have to do this.
You know that don't you?"

Alex continued to silently hold Zach tightly for several long moments.
Alex stared into Zach's face, his eyes tortured.  Finally, Alex nodded his
head yes as he started to sob along with Zach.  The two of them simply
stood holding each other as their shared grief washed over them.

***

The following Monday Alex called and accepted the job offer.  The days
began to race by after that and Zach desperately wished he could somehow
stop time.  There was so much to do now.  Zach and Alex looked for a new
apartment for Alex and finally settled on a smaller, two-bedroom apartment
for Alex to start with.  The apartment was nothing special, but it was
reasonably priced, clean, and in a quiet neighborhood.  Best of all, it had
a short term lease option so Alex was free to find something better without
being stuck in his current location.

Then they had to find furnishings for Alex's new home.  Zach had argued
with Alex about dividing up their current belongings, but Alex refused to
take anything with him when he left.  Finally Zach gave up but informed
Alex that he was buying new furniture for his new place.  Alex tried to
argue, but Zach stood his ground and finally through sheer determination,
Zach won that argument.

The frenzied pace of activities helped to keep Alex and Zach occupied
instead of dwelling on their impending separation.  Time seemed to flow
faster and faster.  Like a thief, the passing time seemed to steal away
their happiness.  And every day that passed brought the dreaded final day
that much closer.

Zach desperately tried to keep from crying in front of Alex though his
heart was breaking.  He knew Alex was having his own difficulties with
their upcoming separation and Zach was determined not to add his grief to
Alex's own.  Zach had to frequently excuse himself so he could go collect
himself in private, but he didn't want to make it any harder for Alex then
it already was.  So instead, Zach excused himself and cried in private,
alone.

And then, in spite of all of Zach's wishes and prayers to the contrary, and
before he was ready, the final night they would be together arrived.  So
much still needed to be said, so much still needed to be shared.  And now
there was no more time at all.  Time had slipped away.

Alex and Zach had decided to keep the night private and simple.  Their plan
was for a simple meal together and a quiet evening in front of the
television spent in each other's arms.  Zach had originally planned on
cooking a special meal just for Alex, but Alex declined since he wanted to
spend every possible moment together.  So instead they settled on delivered
pizza.  Zach privately admitted to himself it was just as well.  As
distracted as he was he would have probably burnt their meal anyway.  Not
that either one really tasted anything they ate anyway.  They were both too
emotional to even say for sure if they had eaten at all.

All through the meal Zach found himself staring at Alex.  His eyes wandered
over Alex's well known features once again.  Zach tried to burn those
features into his brain, trying to store a lifetime of memories in a single
night.

They finished eating and for once Alex had left food on his plate.  Zach
smiled at Alex even though his eyes were full of tears.  Zach couldn't help
thinking that an entire lifetime wouldn't have been long enough to spend
with Alex.  How could life be so unfair as to take him away after only
eight short years?

The two of them stared into each other's eyes for several minutes before
getting up to move into the living room.  Alex half sat down, half lay on
the couch and held out his arms to Zach, inviting him to take their
favorite positions to relax in.  Zach sat down in front of Alex and leaned
back into Alex's chest.  Alex immediately wrapped his arms around Zach and
rested his chin on Zach's shoulder.

"Damn it," Zach whispered after a few moments as the tears started to roll
down his cheeks.  "I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry."

"It's ok Zach," Alex whispered in his ear, his own voice beginning to choke
up.  "I feel exactly the same."  Zach could feel Alex's body tremble as
Alex started to cry too.  Alex slowly tightened his embrace around Zach and
the two of them lay in each other's embrace for the rest of the night,
sharing their grief.

***

The morning light slowly started to filter into the bedroom washing over
Alex and Zach's bodies.  Both of them were awake, neither having gone to
sleep that night, and the lay staring into each other's eyes.  No words
were exchanged, none were necessary.  They both knew what this was costing
the other.  They both knew the other's pain.  No words could ever take that
away.  Words did not exist that could convey what they were feeling.

Finally Alex sighed and started to break away from the embrace.  It took
everything in Zach's power to keep from asking him to not go, not yet.
Just a few more minutes.  Just a little longer.  But Zach knew that it
wouldn't change anything.  And in the end it would just make it that much
harder.  And so, though it felt like a knife twisting in his heart, Zach
released his embrace and watched as Alex stumbled towards the waiting
shower.

As soon as Alex was out of sight Zach buried his face in his hands and took
several deep breaths trying to find the strength to face the rest of the
day.  After a few seconds Zach took one last deep breath, pulled his hands
away from his face and got up.  Zach pulled on a pair of sweats and made
his way into the kitchen, pausing briefly to stare out the front door
window.  The summer sun was shinning brightly, but Zach could only feel a
deep, abiding cold.

Zach looked around the kitchen for a few moments before deciding to make
French toast for breakfast.  Zach smiled slightly to himself as he
remembered all the times he had made this same breakfast before for Alex.
It was one of Alex's favorites and Alex usually ate it faster than Zach
could make it.  Zach sighed, remembering.  He was going to miss the gusto
with which Alex attacked life.

A few minutes later, and after Zach had mostly finished cooking, Alex came
walking into the kitchen pulling on a shirt.  Alex smiled sadly at Zach as
he saw the breakfast Zach had made him.  "You shouldn't have gone to all
this trouble Zach," Alex said softly.

"I wanted to make you something you really liked," Zach answered, kissing
Alex as he put a plate of food in front of him.  "It wasn't really that
hard anyway.  But even if it was, you're worth the effort."

Alex smiled and then slowly began to eat.  Zach sat down across from him
and slowly began to eat his own breakfast.  Zach could barely taste what he
was eating and he noticed that Alex barely paid attention to his own food.
Instead the two would frequently pause and gaze into the other's eyes.

They had finished eating and were simply sitting staring at each other when
there was a quiet knock at the front door.  Alex briefly closed his eyes
and sighed.  "That will be Mark and Jason," Alex said needlessly.  Alex
opened his eyes and looked sadly at Zach.  "I guess I better go let them
in.  So they can help finish moving me out."

Zach didn't trust himself to answer.  Instead he simply nodded and watched
as Alex got up and walked towards the front door.  Zach closed his eyes,
breathing deeply again.  He could hear the quiet greetings of the usually
boisterous brothers in the living room.  After several seconds Zach
squeezed his eyes even tighter closed and buried his face once again in his
hands as he fought against the urge to sob again.

How long he sat in that position, Zach couldn't really say.  It must have
been quite some time though when Jason quietly walked into the kitchen and
stopped behind his chair.  Jason squeezed Zach's shoulders in quiet support
and then knelt down behind Zach and wrapped his arms around him in one of
his huge bear hugs.  Jason had been holding Zach for several long minutes
when Mark and Alex came walking into the kitchen.

"We got all my stuff out to the cars," Alex quietly announced, his voice
nearly breaking.  "I guess it's time for Mark and I to go.  Jason's gonna
stay here tonight."

Zach looked up, his eyes showing his confusion as he looked into Alex's
eyes.  "What?" was all he managed to get out.

"Mark and I decided that yesterday," Jason started to explain.  "We didn't
think either of you should be left alone, at least not on your fist night
apart.  So Mark is gonna go with Alex and I'm gonna stay here."

"We're not gonna let our little brothers be alone tonight," Mark added
smiling at Zach.  "You're still our little brother Zach.  Now and forever."
Jason simply nodded his agreement.

Zach closed his eyes trying once again to keep from crying.  "Thank you,"
Zach finally whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.

Mark smiled at Zach and squeezed his shoulder in support.  "Come help me
out on the porch Jason," Mark said trying to give Zach and Alex a final few
moments together in privacy.  Jason briefly tightened his hug before
letting Zach go and following Mark out onto the porch.

Zach stood up and turned to face Alex, his eyes haunted.  "I love you,"
Zach whispered.  "That is never going to change.  I will always love you
Alex.  Don't ever forget that."

Alex pulled Zach into a tight embrace.  "I love you too Zach," Alex
whispered into Zach's ear.  Alex was quiet for several moments, just
holding onto Zach.  "It's not too late," Alex said, almost desperately.  "I
could still call and say I have changed my mind about taking the job."

"Don't," Zach whispered sadly but firmly.  "Don't go there.  I won't let
you stay.  And you won't let me follow.  Who knew that love could be so
terrible?  That it could be so unfair?"  Zach pulled away slightly and
kissed Alex tenderly.  "Now go," Zach commanded gently but firmly.  "Before
I start crying again.  And before I lose my strength to let you go."

Alex reached up and tenderly wiped away the tear that was coursing down
Zach's cheek.  Alex briefly kissed Zach's forehead and then turned to walk
out on the porch and to the waiting car.  Zach followed Alex onto the porch
and stared as Alex slowly climbed into the car.  Mark briefly hugged Zach
in parting, but all Zach could see was Alex sitting in the car, getting
ready to leave.  As Mark got into the car, Zach could see Alex's body begin
to shake as he broke down and started to sob.  It took everything that Zach
had not to run to the car and grab Alex, to hold him tight, and to comfort
him.

Zach stood and watched as Mark and Alex slowly drove down the street and
out of sight.  Zach stood staring at the empty road for several long
moments.  Finally, Zach sighed as his shoulders slumped and he turned to
enter the house.  Jason smiled understandingly at him and draped his arm
over Zach's shoulder as they walked through the door.

"It's so empty now," Zach muttered as he looked around the living room.
Jason squeezed his shoulder briefly and Zach turned slightly and looked at
him.  "I know, nothing is really gone, but it's empty all the same."  Zach
was quiet for several moments, just staring at the room without really
seeing it.  "How am I suppose to go on without him?" Zach asked quietly,
not really expecting an answer.

"Alex asked me to give you this Zach," Jason said as he fished a folded up
piece of paper out of his pocket.  "He asked me to wait till he was gone
before giving it to you."  Jason squeezed Zach's shoulder again trying to
lend a little comfort.

Zach stared at the paper a few moments.  "Do I want to read this?" Zach
asked, looking up at Jason.  "What does it say?"

"I don't know Zach," Jason answered.  "He just made me promise to give it
to you."

Zach slowly walked over to the couch and sat down, still staring at the
note.  Taking a deep breath, Zach opened the letter and began to read.

Zach, I love you.  I always have.  I always will.

You are probably asking yourself how do you go on now.  God knows I'm
asking myself that same question.  I'll give you the same answer Dad gave
me when I asked him the same question.  Day by day, one day at a time.
You'll put your life back together Zach.  You are stronger than you think
Babe.  You are probably the strongest person I know.

I know you Zach, so it's not so hard to figure out what you are thinking.
Right now, you are probably wondering if the pain you are feeling will ever
go away.  You're wondering if opening your heart was worth it.  I've got to
believe it was Babe.  It was worth it.

You relate to music.  You always dig meaning out of the songs you listen
to.  So I'll give you a song to listen to.  It's by the Pet Shop Boys and
it's `Was It Worth It?'  The song answers the question for me Zach.  It was
worth it.  If I could go back and change my life and the time I spent with
you, I wouldn't change a thing.  Even knowing how I feel right now, I
wouldn't change a thing.  I can only hope you feel the same about me.

Don't ever forget, I love you Zach.  You may have said it first all those
years ago, but I love you with all my heart.  Nothing can ever change that.

I love you, Alex

Zach stared at the letter in his hand, his eyes welling up, his hands
beginning to tremble.  Jason walked over to the couch and sat down next to
him.  Jason slowly reached out and pulled Zach into a tight embrace.  At
first, Zach tried to resist, but suddenly he started to sob and buried his
face in Jason's chest.  Zach's entire body was shaking with the pent up
grief and loss he was feeling and his body was wracked with sobbing.  Jason
simply held Zach tightly, offering what comfort he could but knowing
nothing could really help Zach's grief.

Quite some time later, Zach finally began to quiet and his body slowly
stopped trembling.  Zach slowly pulled away from Jason and sat back into
the couch.  "I'm sorry," Zach muttered not looking at Jason.

"Hey, it's ok Zach," Jason said smiling at him.  Jason started to pretend
to wring out his shirt.  "My shirts only a little soggy now.  No big deal!
I hear salt water can be good for your clothing every once in a while."

In spite of how he was feeling Zach couldn't help laughing at Jason.  Jason
joined in Zach's laughter and put his arm around Zach's shoulder.  Smiling
impishly at him, Jason then tousled Zach's hair for a few seconds before
letting his arm come to rest around Zach's shoulders.

Zach sighed again leaning his head against Jason's shoulder.  "I really
don't know how I'm gonna go on Jason," Zach admitted quietly.  "Alex has
been my whole world for so long.  How do I just pick up the pieces and keep
going?"

Tears started running down Zach's cheeks again and Zach closed his eyes
trying to shut the world away.  Jason tightened his embrace, letting Zach
express his grief.

After a time, Jason gently lifted Zach's face to look into his eyes.  "Why
don't we try and get some sleep Zach?" Jason asked softly.  "You might feel
a little better in the morning."

Zach simply nodded his head yes.  Jason stood up and slowly pulled Zach up.
Jason then guided Zach back to his bedroom.  Zach stood staring at the
empty bed for several moments and then squeezed his eyes closed as he
started to sob once again.

Jason gently pulled Zach's shirt and pants off and then got him to lie down
on the bed.  The entire time Zach kept his eyes closed as the tears
continued to roll down his face.  After a few moments Zach felt Jason slide
into bed next to him and wrap his arms around him, holding him tightly.
Zach started sobbing even harder and burrowed into Jason's chest as he
slowly cried himself to a fitful sleep.  The entire time he felt Jason
holding him, rubbing his back in as a comforting way as possible.  Zach
could feel his heart breaking.  He felt like his life was ending.  He
didn't know how he would go on.

But he had to agree with Alex.  It had been worth it.

And he wasn't alone.  He still had his brother with him.

And he still had his memories...

*****

This story is dedicated to the Real "Alex."  I still love you.  And I still
miss you.

I want to give a big thanks to the people at Nifty for making space for my
story.  I think you do a tremendous job and I'm extremely indebted to you
for all your efforts.  I hope you know that all your hard work is very much
appreciated!

I also want to thank everyone who has written to me about my previous
story.  Your comments and support have been phenomenal.  I've said it
before, but you guys are the best!  If I have missed responding to any of
you, I really am sorry. Drop me a line if you feel so inclined and let me
know what you think or ask me any questions.  I'll try to respond to all of
you.  You can email me at ga_anderson@verizon.net.  Or drop by the Yahoo
Group set up for my stories at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlexandZach/
and post a message there.  I'm pretty good at answering at both places.  At
least I haven't had any complaints yet!  Greg The Hack