Date: Wed, 13 Oct 1999 09:34:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: Toji Suzahara <tsuzahara@yahoo.com>
Subject: Alone Among Friends, Part II

Hi all and thanx for all the nice emails you guys have written so far.
Let the mails keep on coming :)
Don't forget that the story is not playing in the US but in some city
in Germany. As usual narration is partly 1st-person (for Kaneda) and
3rd person (Georg and others) and of course I have to say that if you
are somehow offended by men having feelings for other men, loving
and having sex with them, you should leave this site now.
For all the others: Enjoy :)


Alone Among Friends, Part II

Time flew by so fast we didn't really notice it. Some weeks had
passed and Daniel, Georg and I were real good friends now. Trough our
studies I got to know a lot of other people but unfortunately there
was no one where I could certainly say that he was gay and whom I
would like the same time. The only guys I happened to like were my
friends, both Daniel and Georg, which was a bit sad though (cause I
didn't know if any of them was gay). There was at least one guy who
was openly gay. He was about 5'7" tall and had blonde hair and green
eyes. He had a normal build and even a real cute face. But he had an
ugly character as far as I had figured out. Daniel called him a
"bitch".
There was a reason for Daniel hating him: In a tutorial were all of us
were, including that gay guy, something had happened: The tutor was
randomly picking up guys and asking them questions about the stuff he
was lecturing about. Unfortunately he had chosen Daniel to answer his
questions who hadn't prepared at all and was all helpless then. We
tried to help him by whispering the correct answers to him, but Daniel
was already panicking and couldn't hear us. Returning to his seat,
that gay guy said the following to him:
"Ah, I guess you hung around in the cafe too much, what are you
studying CS for anyhow?" and grinned at him. I don't exactly know
what the guy thought but if it wasn't in the middle of a class, Daniel
would have punched him right into his face.

Sexually nothing exciting had happened so far. I was still living with
my fantasies and a regular jerk-off would be the only 'highlight'
these days. I knew that I had to come out of the closet a little more
than I was willing to at the moment since there was apparently no
chance that I would get to know anybody. Somehow I had the feeling
that every other gay guy (apart from the blonde one) had chosen the
same way of behaviour: Be closeted.

Actually I thought there must be some change in my life, so I started
to think about getting a larger apartment somewhere close which my
friends and I would share. I was a fan of that sitcom "Friends" and my
favorite characters were Joey and Chandler. I reckoned both of them to
be pretty cool and on top of that cute - which was just an extra. They
had a real odd timing to air that show here -sometime around midnight-
but still I regularly watched it.
So thinking about having a 'WG - Wohngemeinschaft' (sharing an
apartment) really made me smile. Must be nice to have Daniel, Georg
and some others around me the whole time. And it would give me
opportunities to get to know some of the people better. I had to
suggest that to them as soon as possible.
Nothing had developed between Daniel and me. We were really great
friends and everything but there was nothing more. I tried to figure
out at several occasions if he was gay but whenever the conversation
would lead to a topic concerning gay issues he would start to digress
to something else. I gave up the idea on him being gay at all.
Georg on the other hand was a real nice guy, I liked him a lot, damn
he was sexy. He was so tall, manly and still he wouldn't mind it when
gay issues arose. I hadn't chosen to 'digress' to a gay topic with him
yet actively, trying to figure more out. What we mainly discussed were
chicks, studies, games and other stuff.
We had real short vacation - actually one could say that we only had
some free days - and Daniel had returned home. Georg didn't go back
home over vacation and I just spent 2 days at my parents place and
returned to university, seizing the time to chill with my not-so-new
friends.
It was the first day that I was back when I went down to Georg's
apartment and I just noticed that it was the first time that I was
going there! The whole semester long the others would pick me up. The
reason behind that I thought was because I was pretty slow at times
with getting ready or whatever I was doing so I assume that the others
were faster than me and ended up to come to my place. For Daniel it
was never a problem since he lived next door.
I looked up Georg's last name on the doorbells and found his
immediately. After waiting some seconds I could hear the door opening.
He lived in the -what a surprise- 12th floor of the building which had
exactly the same structure as the one in front of it.
Georg was already waiting on the floor for me to step out of the
elevator.
"Hi man"
"Hi Georg! What are you doing? Care to go down to the cafe for a
chat?"
"Sure! Just let me put on my sneakers. Won't take long. A second."
We went down to the cafe which was located very close to the dorms and
the university complex. It was our favorite hangout and so it was for
most students. The cafe had a small porch which would be used during
summertime (and was always totally overcrowded). The inside was quite
cool; the interiors were all kept in a nice warm color (nearly yellow,
but it was not really yellow) and there were pictures hanging
everywhere. Sometimes I wondered a lot where the guys got the pictures
from for they were really strange. One could watch them for hours and
would still find something new in them. I liked these pics.
We had been hanging there pretty often and it was very funny for me to
chat with my friends about girls in my life which never existed. Georg
for instance would just listen to my made up chick-stories without
interrupting me which I could not stand since the stories were fake.
He would sit there, smile and just listen to my stories sometimes
telling me his own story of some chick. The reason why I was telling
those stories was pretty obvious. I wanted them to think I was as
normal as they were, but the same time it sucked that I was telling
these stories and probably killing off chances with a closeted gay
guy. It was not my true self. I wanted to tell somebody how I really
was and what I truly felt and for whom I felt something. It was a
crappy feeling to be among friends but to be alone at the same time.
There was nobody whom I could tell. Nobody I knew and who was close to
me was gay. But I think I am digressing, so back to Georg. Georg was
pretty reserved in the case of girls which I found pretty astonishing
since guys usually talk a lot about their dates (at least that's what
I thought) and what they did and have with girls. Georg was a bit
different there and had - so I thought - decided to be picky about the
stories he would tell.
Daniel on the other hand spoke a whole lot about his stories with
girls. Most of us assumed that half of them were made up. Well I know
that mine were completely made up, but after all Daniel (I assumed now
strongly) wasn't gay, was he?
Georg and I were sitting in the cafe and discussing nothing special in
particular when I decided to check on him. I hadn't had such a
'testing' conversation with him yet, but it seemed like the right
time.
"You know that chick in the math course, the one with red hair?" I
asked Georg.
"Sure, what's with her?"
"She went out with Jens for some time."
"Really?" Georg said surprised.
"Yeah, but it's not as you might think and it's already over now. I
always doubted that she really liked Jens. And I was right. She only
liked his skills in maths. Bloody slut. She completely abused him,
made him work for her and then, after she gained enough points to pass
that course, dropped him," I said
"Now that's so sad - come on - you must be kiddin.." Georg said with
wide eyes.
"Seriously, no shit Georg. She's like that. Some girls are... well
bitches. Anyhow," I said, thinking about how I should move the topic
to something gayish.
Nothing better came into my mind than the film "Dune" where that fat
flying bastard sucked the life out of that cute guy. The scene was
irritating: The guy was holding a rose while being sucked to death and
the scene had shocked me back then, for I liked that guy and a minute
later he was dead. I decided that this wasn't a way to start a
conversation about gay issues - but flicks were a start.
"So what are your favorite flicks Georg?" I asked him with a smile.
"Ah, let me think..The Star Wars Trilogy, Seven, Gilbert Grape."
"Everybody likes Star Wars, the hugest fairy tale making money, money
and again money.. but Seven is also one of my favorite films. Kevin
Spacey is a great actor, he was all scary in that movie, don't you
think so?"
"Yeah Kaneda, I was 16 when I saw that flick, believe me, I was near
wetting my pants, " Georg said and laughed, "and I didn't want to
believe what he did to Brad Pitt's wife in the end - but still that
movie was something I hadn't seen before and Kevin Spacey was real
great."
"A good actor I would say, I like his films actually. I saw 'Usual
suspects' with him. 'The negotiator' was also good. There are some
real great actors and some who aren't that great.", I replied.
"Absolutely, so tell me, what are your favorite films?" he asked.
I had to think quick, I thought about a movie which had some gay
contents, or relation to such a topic of any sorts.. even a gay
actor... my brain was getting hot thinking - and I had an idea, which
was pretty stupid at some extent.
"Well, errr, let me think, Trainspotting, and lately The Matrix" I
said.
"Man, Matrix was great! Keanu Reeves did an excellent job, the whole
film was stunning, the special effects and the plot. Everything - I
loved it!"
"I was stunned by the F/X from the beginning on, it took my breath.
Now listen to this rumor a friend of mine heard: Keanu Reeves has
married his director," I said to him, not believing myself what a
friend of mine from school once said to me, "but I don't think it is
true, or is it?"
"What? He is gay? No way! I don't think it's true.. but then he can be
gay - who knows, there are many guys in the showbiz who are gay," he
said, with a grin which I could not interpret.
"Well I don't have anything against them being gay. Why should I? It's
their life, should they do what they like to do," I said to Georg
being in full attention-mode now and listening carefully what he would
reply.
"Same here, I mean, I knew a guy who was gay back in school, he was a
real nice guy... hey Kaneda, don't get me wrong here.. but he was
cool. I don't have anything against gays."
"I never knew anybody who was gay but I think I wouldn't have a
problem either. I never understood some people though. You know there
was a guy back in school who was so scared about being 'stared' by a
gay guy. He behaved completely hysteric. I shook my head for it seemed
so senseless to me," I told him with a little smile.
Phew, now I was sure that he wasn't homophobic.
"Hey GUYS!" somebody yelled. I turned around and saw Kevin coming.
"Yo freaks, you lame geeks, what about going out tonight? It's F R I D
A Y  NIGHT and what does it mean? CHICKS, CHICKS, CHICKS!" Kevin
yelled.
Kevin was the most active kid I knew. His behaviour sometimes reminded
me of Chris Tucker's playing 'Ruby' in the 'Fifth Element' only that
he hadn't this high pitched voice, wasn't a DJ and didn't care if he
was 'green'.
He was about 5'7", had brown hair and brown eyes and was a full
power-house. I would not suggest anybody to have trouble with Kevin
since he would simply bust that guys ass away. And naturally we were
all pretty happy to have him as our friend and not something else.
"Calm down Kevin, what are the others doing?" I asked him.
"Hmm, well Peter and Sandra wanted to go to the flicks, they asked me
if I wanted to join them. Jens is hanging around, doing nothing and I
wanted to go clubbing though."
"Actually I feel like seeing a movie, am feeling pretty mallow right
now. A 'light' night would be fine," I said and took out a Lucky from
my pocket and lit it.
"What about you Georg, what do you want to do?" Kevin asked.
"Well it's up to you guys I am ready for everything," Georg said.
"Okay, this means clubbing!" Kevin said ecstatically. I sighed and
thought that I would have to abide by what the majority decided.
We decided to go to the a club located just below the airport. It was
pretty much overhyped in my opinion and some celebrities had also
shown up there.
"Freaks! Let's get ready then. We'll meet at 11 PM in front of
Kaneda's place. See y'all!" Kevin said and wanted to walk away.
"Stop Kevin, I wanna ask you and Georg something," I said.
"Yep?"
"What about us guys sharing a flat? Well You, Daniel, Georg, me and
probably two others, depending on the size of the flat? We all live in
separate apartments and if we put the money together we can go into a
rather huge and cool appartment," I said.
"Have to think about it guy, but sounds good to me yet," Kevin said.
"Would be great!" Georg said.
"Fine, let's see!" I said and smiled.
We payed our bills at the cafe and headed back to the dorms.
I had been chosen to be the one to drive, which means that I was
supposed to stay sober the whole night long. Very cool I thought, since
this way it would get really boring.



Georg closed the door of his apartment and stood where he was for a
while. His feelings for Kaneda got more intense with every day
passing. He thought that it would be like it always had been with men
and him, that he would only have a small, temporary crush on him which
would go away - fade away with time and remain as a sweet memory in
his mind. But with Kaneda it was different. He knew him for some weeks
already and his so called 'crush' on him still remained.
He liked Kaneda's smile, his cute face and the way he behaved. Every
bit of Kaneda turned Georg on. He loved Kaneda's smooth voice and he
imagined that sometime he would pour sweet words into his ears with
that seductive smooth voice. Kaneda's height was another part he found
awesome: He was about 6 feet which he thought to be pretty tall for an
asian. Georg thought about what he liked most about Kaneda but he
could not decide - was it his voice? His defined chest he had seen in
the gym? His height? His hands? His seductive eyes? His smoothness?
His character? Thinking about it, he decided he loved every part of
'his' Kaneda equally.
It was never too hard for Georg to be closeted. Actually some time
long he thought that he was bi but he dropped that thought when he
realized that he only got really aroused with men.
He started moving towards his bed and took a seat there and sighed. It
was incredible for him how much he felt for Kaneda and yet he could
not be sure if Kaneda was even gay. His rational mind told him that
Kaneda could not be gay - there was no clear sign at all pointing a
bit that he was gay. His heart though wanted him to be gay. Georg was
definitely in a dilemma and he hoped that this 'crush' would end
pretty soon, since it didn't have too much future and it was paining
him.
There was one thing Georg was pretty positive about: That Kaneda
wasn't homophobic. Daniel on the other hand was, he had noticed that
on the first day, where he started that discussion about the two kids
in the front row. That chat he and Kaneda had earlier in the cafe only
backed the idea that Kaneda wasn't at all homophobic.
Playing with the possibility that Kaneda was as gay as Georg himself
he concluded that he must be a master of disguise. Could it be that
Kaneda was in the closet and didn't have any much problems to hide
his true feelings for men like Georg himself? After all he hadn't seen
Kaneda getting very close to a girl the whole time. Provided, there
weren't any good looking chicks in the classes they went he thought.
But even if he was gay, it didn't mean that Georg was Kaneda's type.
"Nah! Fuck it!" Georg said to himself and started to get ready.



I was standing in my room and thinking about what I was going to wear
for the night. The bouncers of that club would only let people in with
a certain 'dress code'. Well I knew that the only thing needed were
black leather shoes. Standing in front of them with ordinary sneakers
would make the evening pretty short. I found it quite dumb since most
of the people who went there were jerks  - and a so called 'dress
code' wouldn't make them more civilized either.
It didn't take me too long to get ready and I had plenty of time left
to kill. I decided to surf a bit into some gay channels and see what
was going on there.
As soon as I logged on I got instantly some messages for some porn
sites. 'The usual greeting' I thought and clicked them away. Scrolling
trough the list of nicks I didn't find anybody I knew in the first
place. Some of the nicks which were there were funny: 'FuckMe22',
'PissMich', 'HornyTopBitch', just to name a few.
I found an old friend of mine chatting there actively. He was Korean
and lived in another city and in the beginning stages of our chats we
had discovered many similarities among us, but as we exchanged pics,
we found each other not too attractive and remained as 'normal'
friends on the net. I knew him now for more than a year and he knew
quite a lot about me as I did about him.
"Still looking for someone, hmmm?" he messaged me.
"Always on the search my dear :)"
"Well Kaneda, if you keep yourself closeted like you are right now,
you will never get to meet anybody you like."
"I know. I don't want to start that discussion all over," I replied,
knowing that it will just make me depressed for the rest of the night
if I went on.
"Okay okay, I just wanted to help you. There are many cute guys around
here."
"Yeah, I don't seem to have luck, most of the guys are just interested
in a fuck, nothing more."
"Well that fucking ain't one sided you know, you also have your share
of the fun," he said.
"Come on, you know that I ain't the type. Listen I gotta go - hanging
out with my friends in a club. See ya."
I closed the chat client and sat there for some minutes thinking about
what he had said. I had met a couple of guys from the Internet and
with two of them I had sex which was pretty good. But the guys never
kept in touch, and mostly I felt exploited afterwards. I didn't know
how I got that feeling but it was always there. I had decided to watch
out for the right guy who would be as caring as I would.
Right guy? Daniel came into my mind, but I had already given up on
thinking that he was gay. Georg...Georg.. Both my friends were
loveable, but both of them weren't gay I thought though if I had to
place a bet on one to be gay, I would have placed it on Georg - I just
had a feeling. He had passed my test in the cafe. I knew that it did
not say too much, since many guys are pretty liberal towards gays
these days, but who knows I thought...
I sat there and smiled and wondered a lot if he was gay. The 'assets'
for my theory were that he never made homophobic comments and was
quite open towards gays and he was so damn cute (being cute - was that
really a reason for being gay :)?), sometimes I would completely loose
myself in his eyes. But what did that mean? Anybody open to gays is
gay himself? Crap! How could I find out if he was or not? I started to
feel depressed about it;  there wasn't a way to find out about another
guy, especially about Georg, so I decided to digress myself from these
thoughts.
I sat down in front of the TV and played some Xenogears for a while.
It sucked majorly. I was at a point where this roleplaying game turned
into a major jump and run fest and started cussing the guys who
created that part...

It was quater to 11 and I was already standing in front of the
building waiting for the others to appear. I used the time to smoke a
cigarette in the clear night. Looking up to see the stars, I noticed
there weren't too many out there.
"It's because of the lights in the city," a familiar voice said
softly.
I looked in front of me to see who it was.
"Huh?" I said.
"Too many lights in the city, the stars don't shine that bright so we
see very less of them here in the city," Georg said.
"Thanks for the lesson man," I said to him and grinned.
"Where are the others?"
"I think they are just coming... Hey guys!" I shouted.
There was hardly any space in my car left: Kevin, Jens and Yilmaz were
sitting in the back row, Georg was sitting next to me and I was
driving the car. It didn't take us too long to get to the club since
I was driving about 180km/h which was the maximum speed my car could
handle with this load.
We entered the club and could already feel the throbbing of the beats.
They were playing Dance/House at the moment and it was just fine with
me.
"They are not going to play this fuck the whole night, right?" Jens
shouted.
"No jerk, they play bits of every shit tonight," Kevin replied.
I went over to the bar and got me something non-alcoholic though I
really wanted to drink a tequila. Georg came up to where I was and
stood right next to me.
"A tequila!" he said to the barkeeper. I was surprised.
"You like that too?" I asked.
"Yeah sure, I like it over every other stuff. Even beer comes second
to it. Over time it's a bit expensive..," he said with a big smile on
his face.
Meanwhile the other 3 guys had started to shake their butts on the
dance floor and tried to get close to some chicks who were dancing
there aswell.
One of the girls was immediately turned off by the way Jens was
approaching her with his dance and -walked- to the other side of the
floor and continued dancing there (I couldn't help it but I had to
grin at that scene and the same time feeling bad for Jens). Kevin had
more luck with his girl and she started to dance along with him.
Jens and Yilmaz went on dancing, trying to have as much fun as they
could get. I could tell from Jens' face that he was pissed off at the
behaviour of that girl, but he had enough self-esteem to go on dancing
the way he wanted.
He wasn't really a guy whom I would call attractive, but he certainly
had a good build and nice facial traits. His chin was very remarkable,
edgy to some extent which would make him look very dangerous if he
wanted. He was all blonde and had green eyes.
"Let's go to them too," Georg said, noticing that I was watching them.
"I can't dance Georg," I replied and smiled, looking into Georg's cute
face.
"Hey everybody can, just move along the beat, do as the others do,
that's all," he said, smiled and moved along to the beat a bit.
I didn't want to be the only guy of the bunch to sit at the bar so I
decided to go with Georg. Walking behind him, I noticed that he was
looking damn sexy tonight. He was wearing a black shirt, which was a
bit tighter so that his defined chest and muscles would be clearly
visible. His pants were made out of that sports-fabric, with that
lightly silky touch but what I could definitely say was that it looked
damn cool on him.
We started to shake and dance along the music. I could not call my
movements dancing, but I was trying hard to move to the beat. Georg on
the other hand was smoothly dancing to the beat and I liked it a lot
to watch him move. I couldn't help it but I was looking at his defined
chest and face the whole time and while his body was moving to the
rhythm of the beat, I felt my dick getting hard in my pants. I really
had luck that it was rather dark there else one would have noticed the
bulge. He was so damn hot that night, with his cute seductive
smile, a hairstyle which I really liked (Yeah, some hairstyles turn me
on), his sexy moves - I wished I could have kissed, hugged or have
done more to him right there on the dancefloor.
>From time to time Georg gave me signs to watch a certain chick or to
look how Jens or Yilmaz were doing. I started to get tired when the DJ
decided to play "Home Alone" by R.Kelly - a track which I really
loved. This time the throbbing of the beat really got me ecstatic and
I started not to dance anymore but to shake with the beat. I didn't
care what the others where thinking of me, or how I might have looked
like. It was completely irrelevant for me that time. However my
friends liked it since they started to cheer me and shout around
(which could hardly be heard for the music was damn loud).
"Hands in the air.. drinks everywhere..," I sang along.
The DJ went in for another treat when he started to play 'Unbreak my
heart' by Toni Braxton, I liked that song, but really didn't expect
it to hear it in the club. Since there weren't any girls with us,
Jens, Yilmaz, Georg and I started to dance together as if we were
couples, exaggerating our moves and lip-synching to what Toni Braxton
was singing. It was just an idea Jens had and started with Yilmaz
which I copied. Georg and I were dancing at times so close to each
other, watching each other and I could say that it was real hot.
Everybody thought that this was fun, but for me it was a little bit
more than fun. Dancing with Georg was double-great for me, he was
looking so damn sexy that night and I tried hard not to touch him
(though I wanted to) while playing this parody on the song or he might
have noticed the bulge in my pants.
Troughout the song I looked into Georg's eyes - I didn't care what he
would think, if he came up with something 'uncomfortable' later on I
could always tell him that it was just played - and fell in love with
them. His blue eyes really seduced me and the smile he was giving me
killed me. For some seconds the thought of him being gay rushed trough
my mind but I quickly ignored it for Georg could not be gay - or could
he?
The way he was dancing, damn, even that we were mocking that song at
some extent, it totally turned me on and would have liked to grab and
hold him close to me, hugging him, being comforted by him.
At 4 AM we decided to head back home. I was starting to get sleepy and
driving was getting hard for me. Georg suggested to lower the window
so the cool air would hinder me from falling asleep. That cute guy. He
kept on babbling to me about unimportant stuff so that I would not
fall asleep. The other 3 in the back had left their brains somewhere
in the club - they had too much booze and on the way to the car they
were talking complete bullshit. Now, looking at them in the rear
mirror, they looked so cute: Kevin was completely drunk and couldn't
sit properly anymore. He had his arms around Jens and Yilmaz who were
half-asleep and had their eyes shut, which made them look like 4 year
old kids. It was a cute scene and I wished I had a camera to have a
picture of it.
The whole drive long Georg would look at me, actually I felt that he
was sort of staring at me but whenever I took a look at him for a
second, he would look pretty normally and continue his talk as if
nothing was.

Back in the dorms I took off my shoes and undressed myself until I
only had my boxers on. I looked at myself, especially at my abs and
was pretty proud of them looking like a wash-board. My chest wasn't
bad either, all well defined but not too many muscles since I didn't
think it would suit me. (And of course, I was a bit lazy to do more..)
Sometimes I wondered how I would look like if I had more hair -not too
much though- on my body since I was nearly smooth.
I went over to the table and took the pack of cigarettes and lit one.
My sleepiness had completely vanished and I was sitting there for some
time smoking my cig.
I thought about Georg and the way we had danced together this night. Was
it possible that he was gay? The way he was smiling at me throughout
the night, the feeling that he had been staring at me in the car. I
wished he was gay for he was so damn cute. Why couldn't any person I
like be gay I thought. It made me feel down thinking that I have such
great friends and none of them will ever truly know me. It went on my
nerves. Probably I should tell one of my closer friends. Either Daniel
or Georg. But wouldn't that change everything? Wouldn't even the
slightest things be misinterpreted after telling them, like when I
would look normally at them that they would think I stare at them?
(Though currently I -was- starring at them, especially at Georg, poor
him). Should I tell Georg? Should I risk it?
Sometimes I wished I had some sort of device which would tell me if a
person was gay or not but unfortunately, such a thing didn't exist.
It was hard for a closeted gay guy like me to figure out about anyone.
After some minutes more of confusion I started to feel drowsy and fell
asleep.




Georg was sitting there on his bed thinking about the night. He hadn't
drunk too much alc for he wanted to remember every bit he had shared
with Kaneda. Even if it was something very innocent, like a mutual
laugh, a smile with him, or a dance like earlier. He was thinking
about their dance in the club and how Kaneda's gaze had pierced trough
his mind. Was that a sign? Kaneda was -so he felt- staring at him trough-
out the dance. He felt so good while dancing with Kaneda and sure had
a hard one in his pants. At the dancefloor he cussed himself for wearing
those pants which would easily bend and show an enmormous bulge. The CK-
underwear he wore wasn't a help either to disguise his growing dick.
But he had luck, for it was rather dark back then and he hadn't to worry
about Kaneda seeing the outlines of his 7" incher trough the pants.
Right now he could feel his manhood growing again at the sweet thought of
having Kaneda close to him; Georg's hand moved slowly downwards and
touched the bulge in his pants. It felt damn good. He closed his eyes and
thought Kaneda would be touching his best part and the fabric of his
underwear was making the feeling even more intense.
With his eyes closed and stroking his shaft softly and slowly trough the
fabrics, he imagined Kaneda's almond eyes, his cute face, his hair and his
seductive smile. He could not help it no more, he was getting crazy.
He loved this guy over everything. He thought again that Kaneda was staring
at him in the club, or did he just have the feeling that he was? He
wasn't sure and he didn't think that his crush would end at all.
Georg, trying to enlongate these sweet feelings and thoughts
went over to his computer and fired his MP3-player up. The
program was set on 'shuffle-mode' and Chris Isaak started to sing 'wicked
game' where he always felt that Isaak was whining too much in his songs.
But this time this 'whining' made Georg feel depressed.
"Damn!" he said, with a croaky voice which sounded as if he was about
to cry. He was feeling lonely, so damn lonely in his room.
Georg's mood for a jerk off went away and he wanted to be with someone,
to be with Kaneda.
He was sitting there, with his face in his hands and crying softly. He
could not take it no more, it was more than he was able to bear.
Georg was thinking about telling Kaneda what he felt, but he feared,
oh yes, he really feared that Kaneda would slowly cease friendship
with him; that the friendship would change in a way or that Kaneda
would turn out to be not as gay-tolerant as he claimed to be for he
never met a gay guy yet. What he definitely feared was that he would
loose his friendship with him.
"Kaneda.. I love you, damnit man, I love you...," Georg said
and started to cry even more, sobbing like a child into his
hands not knowing what to do.

------------

So that's it for this time. Hope you liked it.
So as usual, suggestions, comments and critics are welcome:
tsuzahara@yahoo.com
I would really love to hear from you guys! Thanx
:)