Date: Mon, 22 Nov 1999 10:31:16 -0800 (PST)
From: Toji Suzahara <tsuzahara@yahoo.com>
Subject: Alone Among Friends, Part VI

Hi guys and girls! Thanks for all the emails.. and woo-hah.. so many
of you wanted me to continue! (It was a clear majority there.. well)
I am sorry that I let you hang this long, but I got caught up with my
studies.. :)
As usual, this story is narrated 1st person (Kaneda exclusively) and
3rd person (all the others).
Don't read this if you think guys cannot love guys, you are
homophobic or have some other reason/problem. Don't tell me I haven't
warned you.

All rights reserved. :>

Toji


"If this be madness, yet there is method in it"



Alone Among Friends, Part VI

"This is it! And... what do you guys think??" Kevin said with wide
eyes. I was completely speechless and so was the rest of us.
"Guys! What's wrong?? Don't you like it??"
"Eek!" Daniel squeaked, "you must be bullshitting us.. this is ah ..
forget it.. Kevin if .. ugh..," Daniel said, hardly forming the
sentence.
Yilmaz and Jens were looking at each other and then to Kevin.
"Holy shit!" one of them said.
"God GUYS! What's wrong??"
"I think we all like it. But how did you get your hands on it Kevin?
And why do we pay so less for it?" Georg said. Wow, I was impressed
with him. The only one to keep in control at this point. Actually the
others got a bit carried away, but this apartment was more than
stunning.
"Okay jerks.. well I have to tell you a bit about that friend of mine
who left. He left for the US to study there. Actually he does not
need to study, he's really rich, or let's say his father is more than
rich. I mean it, MORE THAN RICH. Well whatever. I talked with him
about what Kaneda had said the other day, that we were looking for a
apartment and stuff.. and here we are. Best location, real big
apartment, at a very affordable price."
"Kevin this thing is stunning.. It looks great!"
I could see how Kevin's face lighted up and how he had a huge smile
on his face. The apartment was in a house which was build around 1920
or something. It had very high rooms, at least about 4.50m. There was
parquet in every single room, and in the living room, which had
windows to 2 sides, was a huge Persian carpet. It looked stunning.
"So who will move in which rooms? We have 3 bedrooms here and 6
persons, so everybody will have somebody in his room."
"Kaneda and I will move into that first room," Georg said.
"Yeah right, the room which is slightly bigger than the others," Jens
said.
"Yeah man, we both are taller than you guys.. well apart from Daniel
though!" Georg replied.
"I don't have a problem with it," Daniel said and grinned.
"Whatever! Yilmaz, we'll move into that other"
"...," Yilmaz said, or rather thought.
"Congrats Daniel, you're going to be MY roommate then," Kevin said,
went over to Daniel and punched him playfully.



Daniel and Kevin had set up their room according to their
imaginations. There was enough space for two beds and lots of other
stuff too. Kevin had put his stereo right next to his bed whereas
Daniel had decided to put the PC just next to the cupboard. He soon
realized that there was no hole, jack or plug for the ethernet-cable
which made him realize that he wasn't able to surf the internet
anymore. His primary place to digress himself from bad thoughts.
There was so much to explore on the internet and he had found so many
cool websites with funny stuff. And now it would cost him again loads
of money to get on the internet. He wondered now if it was a good
deal at all getting into that apartment with the other guys.
Kevin on the other hand was really happy. He had managed to move out
of that box which he hated. He hated to stay at home, but more than
that he hated to stay at that freaking dorm room. He hated that
everything was integrated in that room: kitchen, sink and all the
other stuff. He just wanted a big living room to hang out, to chill
there, to watch soccer and drink his beer, resting on a cool couch.
"Looks like we need a couch for the living room," Kevin said and
broke the silence.
"Huh?"
"A couch Daniel.. a COUCH!"
"Oh yeah, sorry man, was thinking about something, nothing
important... ehm Kevin.. this apartment is fully equipped. There -is-
a couch in the living room, go and check it out."
"What? Really? Don't fool me jerk, or I'll kick your ass," he said
and grinned.
"Whatever, just go and take a look," Daniel said while he was placing
his books onto the shelf.
Kevin passed Daniel and he stood there watching this stud going out
of the room. Kevin had a lovely build but Daniel did not like Kevin's
facial traits too much. He felt somehow funny thinking about his
friend this way and quickly digressed himself from thinking about it.
"What am I going to do with the internet...," he mumbled and stood
there a bit helplessly.
"Yeah exactly," Yilmaz said who had entered the room.
"Sharing a modem on one PC? I think that's the only alternative,"
Daniel said.
"No need for that at all," Kevin yelled from outside the room and
stepped in the next second.
"We have a fibre-optic plug out there. It's high-speed!"
"What?"
"Yeah man, everything's state of the art here. What do you think?"
"Great, we'll set a PC up or plug in a hub there and share the line.
Should be sufficient for us all."
"I like this idea," Yilmaz said monotonously and left the room.
Time passed by, Daniel was completely exhausted and it was time for
him to hit the bed. Kevin was still tweaking his stereo since he did
not like the sound of it.
"Kevin, why don't you set your A+ equipment up in the living room,
where it actually should be .. for the 'best acoustic experience'?"
"You're right.. you're damn right," he said and smiled.
"I am hitting the sack," Daniel said and went to the cupboard. He
took out the shorts he usually slept in and started to get undressed.
The time he dropped his pants and was standing in his briefs only, he
realized that he was not alone in the room anymore. Though he had
just spoken with Kevin a second before he had already forgotten about
him. It was different now for him to change in front of others.. in
front of guys to be precise. His 'confession' to Kaneda had changed
some aspects of his life and now he was feeling the differences. It
was an irrational feeling that he was having and Daniel did not want
to be naked in front of Kevin.
"I think I am gonna set this up tomorrow," Kevin said and patted
Daniel on his bare back on his way out of the room. Daniel felt a
shiver throughout his body, seized the minute Kevin was not in and
quickly got rid of his briefs and changed into the shorts which
looked good on him. In a haste he did not understand himself he went
up to his bed and covered himself with the blanket. Kevin came back
in and started to change clothes himself. Though Daniel did not want
to look Kevin changing clothes, he still did. He enjoyed how Kevin
pulled his sweater off, revealing his nicely defined and lightly
haired pecs. Daniel was drooling over the body he saw, but the same
time he knew that there was no chance in hell that he would be able
to touch that guy. Kevin walked over to where his stuff was and
searched for something. After some seconds he pulled out his jogging
pants and started to unbuckle his belt. He lowered the pants along
with his underwear and Daniel could see Kevin's well-sized butt and
his uncut dick.. Daniel had started to stare and he was getting an
erection from watching Kevin so he quickly turned around in his bed
to hide it.
"There's nothing better than my jogging pant!" Kevin exclaimed,
slipped into it and turned off the light.


Georg went over to the door and turned the key in the lock.
"What's that for..? Don't you think they'll get curious?" Kaneda
asked seriously.
"I think they're all asleep already, I just don't want to be
surprised by any of them my love," Georg said and took his shirt off
in a swift move, revealing his adorable chest. Georg was in heavens,
he had the boy of his life sharing the room with him. Kaneda walked
slowly towards Georg and started to kiss his chest delicately.
"God man, do you know how much I love you Georg? I .. I don't know
where all these feelings are coming from, but I am having them. And I
wanna share them with you."
"I love you too my man, I love you," Georg said and wrapped his arms
around Kaneda and caressed him. Kaneda rested his head on Georg's
chest and they stood like that for the next couple of minutes, both
feeling warm and safe with nothing else but themselves on the mind.
Georg started to move Kaneda towards his bed and they both fell onto
it when Kaneda stumbled over the edge. He started to kiss Kaneda
gently on his forehead and kissed himself down to his mouth. Georg
bit Kaneda's lip gently and then ran with his tongue slowly over it..
delicate like a feather. Both of them locked and started to kiss,
Kaneda ran his hands over Georg's back and grabbed the firm butt of
his lover.
"We have a long night in front of us," Georg said softly into
Kaneda's ear.
"I will spent eternity with you, my guy," Kaneda replied and both of
them grinded their bodies more into each other, feeling the hardness
of their bodies and they loved each other passionately but as careful
as possible so that the others would not notice them.

Jens felt somehow good leaving that dormroom for good. He had gone
back to his old apartment and had looked at it for the last time. His
roommate wasn't in at that time and he was standing there for some
time thinking how good he had it now. Now that he did not need to
share a room with this asshole he was feeling relieved. He stood
there and looked around. He saw the usual mess his roommate had
created and all the plates, pans and other things that guy had used
but hadn't washed yet. Jens got an idea. He was willed to have a
payback on him.. yes, he really felt that he should pay him back..
pay him back for some sleepless nights and for the endless
dishwashing.. but what could he do? Jens knew that he did not need to
return to this room and it was unlikely that he would see his
roommate in the near future. He thought about it. What could he do?
He went over to the kitchen niche and took out all the clean plates
which were left and started to pour ketchup, mustard and other
liquid, messy stuff he could find on it. After a couple of minutes
nothing was left clean but Jens was still not satisfied with his
work. It was too childish. He thought again.
He went over to his roommates bed and started to grin wickedly. Then
he slowly lowered the zipper of his pants, took his manhood out of
the briefs and started to let the water flow onto the bed. Jens felt
victorious and thought that likely the guy would not even notice it,
for he would return pretty late home. He then took a few steps back
and looked at the mess he had made. Great. That was real
satisfaction. He felt great and left the room for good.

Daniel was unable to sleep. He was thinking about so much. He had
finally accepted that he was gay, but whenever this word 'gay' came
into his mind, he would feel a bit uncomfortable. It wasn't going
away so fastly but he knew that he had helping friends now. He still
could not believe it that Kaneda was gay and moreover that Georg was
gay too. He felt a bit sad that Kaneda was together with Georg, but
that's how it was, he could not help it and felt a little sorry for
himself.
He knew that he had a friend in Kaneda, but he wanted a bit more than
friendship.. not necessarily from him... but then, he thought again,
he liked Kaneda in both ways, lookwise and characterwise. God... life
was being so unfair to him -again- he thought and he could feel how
his eyes were beginning to water. Daniel quickly suppressed the urge
to cry.
Daniel was feeling all alone again, although he was among his
friends, one of his better friends was sleeping right there next to
him, but still he was feeling alone. Kaneda was sleeping in the next
room and he knew everything about him but deep inside Daniel knew
that he needed more. He did not know what it really was, but inside,
his heart was longing for another heart, for a companion.. a lover..
a sharer.. and a friend.

Yilmaz had set up the room according to his imaginations. It was not
too much he had set up. Just his PC, a N64 and a his ghettoblaster
with integrated MD and CD-Player. Jens was not in the room at the
moment and Yilmaz seized the time to examine Jens' clothes. He looked
into the various drawers of the cupboard and examined every piece
Jens had.
He then moved over and looked at the CDs of Jens, memorizing each of
the Album he had.

When Daniel woke up and opened his eyes, he initially did not know
where he was. After some seconds he realized that he had moved with
his friends into a new apartment and he remembered what had been said
and done yesterday. He was awake pretty early and had much time to
get to ready for uni, at least 2 hours. He tried to sleep some more
but he wasn't sleepy anymore and the coldness of the room kept him
from falling back to sleep. Kevin had opened the window in the night
apparently. Daniel looked over to him and saw how Kevin was sleeping,
with his face buried deep into the pillow and one leg hangin' down
the bed. Daniel noticed how build Kevin was and he felt damn lucky at
that moment that they were friends actually. Not that Daniel felt
that he was a wimp, but when he compared himself strengthwise with
Kevin he thought about the difference between Alice in Wonderland and
Terminator 2. Daniel grinned at that comparison and thought that it
wasn't that bad, but that there was some difference.
It was a clear morning, there was nearly no fog or anything and the
sun was already on the rise. Daniel could hear the voices of students
passing by below and he heared the usual morning traffic jam on the
big road which wasn't very far off from the apartment.
Everybody was doing something. Everybody had some purpose in his life
and at least some of them even had companions to share their lifes
with. Daniel felt that he did not have anything and that he did not
have a chance to meet somebody at all. He had a sweet-bitter feeling
thinking about Kaneda. Kaneda was his friend, Daniel liked him and it
was clear that he had liked him more than the usual, but obviously
Kaneda had found somebody else. It was still hard for Daniel to think
in -that- way about Kaneda. In his thoughts he never used the word
'gay'. He chose the  word 'different', and that was more comforting.
Daniel had kept his feelings down for so long and accepting, moreover
living with them was not easy for him. He had to sort out what he
wanted and what he actually felt. He lay there for some more time,
thinking about himself and he slowly accepted that he was really
different than his friends. But this difference meant so much more..
all the implications that came along with it he hadn't even figured
out.. He was different and he did not know if anybody would
understand apart from Kaneda and Georg and others who also were
'different'. He did not know how his parents would take it, ... his
parents, he could not tell them.. No he could not tell them.. But
didn't he have to tell them? He was always so honest to them and now,
with such a crucial thing he did not know if he should lie to them
when they asked him next about , love, life and probably marriage? He
did not know what to do. Daniel felt completely helpless again and
started to cower in his bed. He tried to become as small as possible,
probably he could be absorbed by his bed. Probably he would simply
dissolve or probably he would not be 'different' anymore if he wished
hard enough.. Tears started to fill Daniel's eyes and a part of
himself was annoyed that he was shedding tears like a wimp.. He felt
so alone again.. so alone.. but was he really alone? No, he wasn't
anymore. He had his friends, he had Kaneda. Daniel dried off his
tears with his blanket, wrapped it around himself and stood up. He
was not alone, Kaneda had said that he could go to him whenever he
wanted to. Daniel looked at his watch and it was 8 a.m. He did not
really want to wake him up..
Daniel moved silently out of his room and headed towards Kaneda's
room. He found the door to be open and he could see that Georg was
not in the room. He could not see Kaneda for the door was blocking
the view to Kaneda's bed. Daniel moved into the room and looked
around. Kaneda was lying in his bed and it looked as if he was
sleeping. Daniel liked what he was seeing, Kaneda lying there, with
his head turned towards the wall and his leg looking out of the
blanket.
Daniel sighed and he did not feel like waking him up right now, so he
turned around and moved towards the door.
"Daniel.. wait I am awake," Kaneda said, not very clearly.
"Uh did I wake you up?"
"No.. don't worry, Georg woke me up," he said and was grinning
heavily. A grin Daniel could not see.

Georg and I had spent the whole night in one bed, even though there
was hardly any space for one person. I was feeling so damn good..
spending the night with my lover, friend and soulmate. It was great
and I was already looking forward for the next night we both would be
spending together. The morning was unusually chilly and Georg had
already left for some course he had at 8 am in the morning. I can
hardly be dragged out of bed, but this morning I was tempted to go
out with him to the course, but Georg did not want me to go with him.
Not that he did not want me to be with him, but he wanted me to sleep
out and just meet him in the next lecture of the day. What a sweet
guy.
I was lying in my bed when somebody entered my room but I was feeling
so lazy and comfortable at that moment that I couldn't be bothered to
move myself. I felt that the person was standing right a meter away
now. I somehow had the feeling that it was Daniel but wasn't too
sure. But who else could it be but him? Neither Jens, Kevin or Yilmaz
would come in like that. After some seconds he, whoever it was,
turned and was walking out again.
I opened my eyes.
"Daniel.. wait I am awake."
"Uh did I wake you up?" he said and I could hear that he was afraid
that he did so. That was cute.
"No.. don't worry, Georg woke me up," I said and I grinned heavily
for I had to think about how Georg had woken me up.
"Heh.. how was your night," Daniel asked and I was a bit shocked that
he asked that actually.
"It was sensational.. Believe me," I said but already wondering why
he was here, "but tell me Daniel," I turned around so I could see
him, " is there something on your mind, something you want to talk
about?"
He did not say anything and just stood there, with the blanket
wrapped around him. He looked quite cute, his blonde hair was
uncombed and pointing to the strangest directions.
"Daniel, let's talk about it.. I told you that you can speak with me
about everything. What's on your heart?"
"I don't know Kaneda, I am just feeling so awkward.. I .. I cannot
describe it."
"Mhm.."
"I just got some thoughts again and I started to feel all alone.. but
then I remembered that I have you right?"
"Yeps, sure.. why don't you come over here and sit next to me? Push
the door close though," I said to him and stood up, making some space
in my bed. He gave the door a soft kick with his bare foot, slowly
trotted over and sat down next to me.
He sighed out and said, "Kaneda .. I am really glad to have you. I
wonder how I should continue. This is all so complicated for me....
Shall I tell my parents about myself?"
That caught me off guard. Why did he want to tell his parents
already? I concluded that he did really not know how to handle it.
"Listen Daniel. I do not know how you come up with this.."
"Actually I did not mean telling them, I mean how would they react,
oh, well, how will everybody react if they find out that I am .. uh..
different.. "
"Well, you cannot know..."
"God Kaneda, why can't I be just like everybody else? Why can't I be
normal?? I don't want to be different," he said and sniffed.
"Listen Daniel, you are normal okay? You have two arms, you have two
legs, you have brains, you have two eyes, a mouth, a nose, ... you
have two testicles, don't you?" I said grinning and fake punching
him.
"Yeah man," he said and laughed.
"So do you get what I want to say? You are completely normal. In my
eyes you are normal. It's in your own eye what you see as normal
Daniel.. People do not understand, they talk about something they do
not know. You should not care what people think about you.."
Daniel was looking down, listening to what I was saying. I waited for
a second and then I put my arm around him trying to make him feel
comfortable.
"Daniel, I am aswell gay.. and believe me it was not easy for me when
I found out. Do you think when I found out about myself I was happy
and shouted around 'hey, I am gay! I am happy' or what? No man, I
felt quite miserable back then, but I learnt to accept the way I
was."
Daniel just sat there and did not say much. I knew that it was not
easy for him to cope with what he was feeling. And I was not
completely ignorant, I knew that he probably still liked me more than
just being friends, but I had to fight that, for I was not unaffected
by his feelings.
I hugged him lightly and said
"Daniel I am here for you, and I do not want you to feel sad.. We
will find a remedy for you."
"What remedy can there be Kaneda? What? There is no remedy.."
"Daniel.. there is a remedy.. Believe me," I said and gave him a
light kiss on his cheek, wondering why I did that.
"The remedy for you is love, there is somebody out there Dan, a
soulmate for you"
"I do not think so.."
"Well you better believe me Daniel or," I said with a low voice but
then suddenly raised my voice a bit and started to fake punch him," I
will beat the crap out of you!"
"Stop it Kaneda, this actually tickles..," he said and grinned
broadly.
"What? It tickles? My punches tickle you??" I said amused.
In a swift move I turned him around and pushed him down to the bed.
Then I jumped up and sat on top of him. I held my fist right into his
face and put a grimace of a madman on my face.
"I am gonna beat the shit out of you!" I said in a funny voice.
"Oh yeah?" he said and he shake me off from himself which nearly
threw me to the side and now things were the other way round. But
there was a difference: He was not having his blanket wrapped around
himself anymore and his chest, legs and thighs were exposed. There he
was, sitting on top of me, only the blanket, his boxers and my boxers
separating our bodies, rather the lower parts of our bodies from each
other. He was hot. I bet we noticed both at the same time what was
happening and I could not help it, but my manhood was starting to get
autonomous already.
We looked into each other's face not saying a word.
"You should better get off of me Dan," I said breaking an awful
silence.
"I do not wanna do something I will regret later on," I continued.
My dick had already become a little harder and was starting to press
against Daniel's body.
"Daniel.. please.." I did not know what to do. Deep inside I knew
that I wanted him to stay there, to sit on my lap.. God I felt so bad
at this moment, that I had this thought, I felt so terribly bad that
I started to shake Daniel off from myself. Daniel rolled to the side
and immediately stood up, grabbing the blanket from the bed.
"I better get lost now!" Daniel said, with a painfully distorted
face. Now I started to feel even worse. I could not let this happen..
again. He wasn't actually doing anything wrong, and I could not
expect him to control himself too much right now. If it hadn't been
Georg back then in the cinema then I would have been together with
Daniel now. I thought about what I was thinking and felt even worse.
My stomach started to turn upside down.
"Daniel, no I did not mean it that way," I said and stood up, having
a slight bulge in my boxers.
I went over to him and put my arm around him, not knowing if it was
good or bad what I was doing.
"Daniel I am your friend, we're more than friends for we share a lot
of things others do not know. But you gotta understand, I am together
with Georg and I don't wanna cheat on him. I would feel so low, you
remember.. ?"
I was looking down while I was saying that and when I looked up to
see his face I noticed that he was grinning but having tears in his
eyes the same time. I felt so bad. What could I do about it, this
situation was weird. I liked him, probably more than I wanted to like
him, hell, I had lusted for him for so long. Jacked off thinking
about him and it was hard to ignore those feelings I had developed
now that I was together with Georg. Both of them had revealed
themselves to me on the same day. I had made a decision. I chose the
easier way, the way with less effort back then. Dealing with Georg
was less complicated than dealing with Daniel was.. but .. I also
liked..loved (?) Daniel, and somehow Daniel with his problems.. he
was so different.. so lovely.. yelling for a lover... I felt like
helping him. Now I started to feel bad for I had refused to help him
by not choosing him that day.. but did I really have a choice? Could
I have said to Georg that I am together with Daniel..? I was not even
sure back then if Daniel would have been able to accept his feelings,
let alone accept my feelings for him. Hadn't he backed away, nearly
went berserk after kissing me so innocently that day? But wasn't I
just trying to comfort myself for being the one taking the easiest
path, taking Georg. I did not know what to think about this. Couldn't
I love ...both of them?
I stood there with my arm wrapped around him and did not know what to
say. I wished he could understand the dilemma I was in. I just hoped
he would have insight for my situation.
"Kaneda.. do you know how I feel? It's.."
There was a long gap and as he sobbed I felt my stomach turn around
twice.
"..it's like when you give a kid a piece of chocolate and..the kid
has never eaten chocolate before and just when it realizes how good
it tastes and that it likes it, you pull it out of the kids mouth..
Do you get what I mean?"
He loosened himself from me and went out of the room.



Daniel just wanted to be held by somebody and Kaneda had
misinterpreted it he thought. He just wanted a light touch, a light
hug from somebody who cared but apparently Kaneda could not be the
one. He realized that Kaneda was fighting himself and that Daniel
knew that he was together with Georg. Why couldn't he be together
with him he asked himself. And since when were they together
actually? He decided that he did not want to know that, he actually
liked both of them, Kaneda and Georg. But the feelings he had for
Kaneda were different. Daniel liked Georg characterwise but Georg
wasn't what Daniel liked lookwise, or thought he liked in a guy's
appearance.
He went over to his bed and sat down. Actually Kaneda and Georg
fitted pretty well together he thought. Daniel did not want to be the
one intruding their relationship so he had to be careful. But it was
so damn hard.. Kaneda was so cute.. He was so lovely, and it was the
first time he had allowed himself to have such thoughts about a guy.
The feelings he was having as he thought about him were nice.
Thinking these ways he actually started to develop quite a bulge in
his boxers and Daniel moved his hand inside his shorts feeling his
cock when he suddenly realized that Kevin was still sleeping on the
other side of the room. Daniel's face turned red. It turned as red as
a traffic light and he was completely embarrassed though nobody had
seen what he was doing. Kevin was sleeping like a baby and nothing
would have woken him up at that time.
"Ssht, Daniel, come over.."
Daniel turned his head around to see Kaneda standing there. In the
first few seconds he did not move but then Kaneda started to make a
begging face.
Daniel stood up and walked out of his room towards Kaneda's room.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Daniel, I am sorry, I sometimes do not know how to behave in front
of you.. I don't want to hurt you.."
Daniel hadn't expect Kaneda to come up again and apologize to him for
what he had done. It was not that bad.
"It's okay, I did not mind, Georg can be happy to have you," he said
smiling a bit, feeling a bit of pain though while he was saying it.
Kaneda looked into Daniel's eyes and saw that little spark of pain.
"Man, it's not okay. I know how you must be feeling," he said.
"Daniel, you're not alone, okay? And I will not let anything or
anybody hurt you - get it?"
"Thank you Kaneda.."
"No thank you lamer, you're my special friend okay? But now we should
rather get ready for uni, so, who's going to the bathroom first?"
"What about sharing the shower, baby?" he said, mimicking Austin
Powers. Kaneda noticed that Daniel was back into his joking-mode and
felt a lot relieved.
"Oh behave!" Kaneda replied and both of them started to laugh loud.
"What's with you two hysteric bitches in there?" Jens yelled from
outside, apparently from the kitchen.
Daniel and Kaneda freezed.
"Do you think he heard our conversation?" Daniel asked in a low,
shaking voice?
"Uh, I do not think so.. we should better be careful.. wait let me
take care of him.." Kaneda said, exhaled and then continued with a
loud voice, "Yo slut, who asked the toilet to speak?"
"That's the code. I am going for a dump.. to the loo, I suggest the
next to go there wait for 10 minutes until my perfume has vanished -
it's toxic," Jens replied but the sound was a bit muffled.
"Man he's so terribly disgusting. We don't need to hear these
details.. anyhow.. Daniel, I don't think he noticed anything.. Don't
worry."
"Yeah, methinks the same."
Daniel trotted out of the room towards his own and all of them
started to get ready for school.

Kevin's alarm clock started to make hell of a noise all of a sudden
and Daniel nearly squeaked. The sound was so annoying that Kevin was
awake in no time.
"Damn fuck.. I hate this clock.. I hate it!" he said and punched it
off the table which was close to his bed.
It was already 9.30 and the first lecture was starting 10 c.t. so
they had some time.
"Jerk, what's the time?"
Daniel sighed at Kevin's 'jerk' and said, "It's 9.30"
"Time to get up...," Kevin said and threw the blanket away from
himself. Daniel was baffled at seeing this and his jaw dropped down
which Kevin noticed.
"If I don't throw the blanket away and start to shiver my ass off,
I'll never get out of bed."
There was another reason Daniel's jaw had dropped: Kevin was having
morning wood and the jogging-pants he was wearing, had a quite huge
bulge in them. Not that this was enough, Kevin started to move his
hand into the pants and scratched his pubes.
Daniel suddenly had to laugh for he thought this resembled too much
that scene out of "EdTV".
"What's so funny jerk? Never seen morning wood or what?"
"No man, .. actually.. this just looks like EdTV!"
"Like what?"
"Like that film man, don't you know it?"
"Nopes,.. whatever.. I am going to the toilet," Kevin said, jumped
out of the bed and went to the loo.
Daniel just giggled and started to change. As he lowered his shorts
he noticed that he had leaked a bit earlier and that some of the
precum had already started to dry. He bend forward to see more of his
shorts and noticed that there was quite a spot on his shorts. Kaneda
had some effect on him.
"Oops!" he said and chucked it away.


I was quite happy that Daniel was back okay and I felt sure that he
would never feel so low again like yesterday. We, this means all of
us in the apartment, had agreed on meeting at noon in the refectory
for having lunch together.
I left the apartment with a huge smile on my face, already dying to
see Georg who would be waiting for me in front of the lecture hall.
"Hey Kaneda-san!" Georg said with a seductive smile.
"Hi Georg-kun!" I replied and grinned heavily.
"What does the 'kun' mean?"
"Hmmm.. nothing.." I said and grinned broadly.
"Well.. whatever it is, it cannot be bad, since it comes from you
Kaneda."
I felt like hugging him and giving him a long and deep kiss, trying
to kiss the guilt away I was feeling from the thoughts I have had
earlier. But I was not able to do so.
Georg started to make some ridiculous but absolutely cute Kung-Fu
moves and funny Bruce-Lee sounds.
"What's that for Georg?"
"Just for the sake of it,I am bored.. and I cannot do what I want to
do," he said and grinned at me.
"You better stick to basketball," I said mockingly.
We both grinned, and I actually felt like touching him somehow.
I moved over faking a high five, but we both actually held our hands
together for some seconds.
The lecture was boring as usual, but this time it was not possible
for us to hold hands at all. Daniel was sitting on the one side and
Kevin on the other. Jens and Yilmaz were having a different lecture
at that time and weren't there.
The 90 minutes stretched so endlessly and so I was roaming around
with my eyes and looked at people, trying to find out interesting
things. After looking a while I just found out the two sitting right
in front of us to be the most interesting ones. It was a girl and guy
sitting there. The guy was writing with the right hand, but was
holding her hand with his free left hand - just as Georg and I had
done the last time. They made quite a cute couple and I lightly
kicked Georg and nodded him the direction and he saw what I was
seeing. Everything was said and clear between us, and he smiled but
raised his eyebrows. I knew we could not hold our hands there with
Kevin sitting next to us.

Finally time had mercy and the lecture was over, releasing us from
this paining lecture.
"I thought it would never end. Kaneda, which lecture was that
anyhow?"
"It was maths Kevin."
"Oh, that's why I did not understand anything. My head switches to
power-save mode whenever such a lecture starts"
"Not only yours, Kevin," Daniel said.
As we opened the doors to the refectory the usual thick air, a
combination of smoke, burnt fat, coffee and other things I could not
distinguish slapped right into our faces.
"Let's c what they have today.." Kevin said.
I did not feel like having lunch so I went over and looked around if
Jens or Yilmaz were sitting anywhere.
"There they are," Georg said. We went over and took a seat on that
table for 6 persons.
"Georg aren't you going to eat anything?"
"No, I don't feel hungry," he said and smiled to me.
"I think I am going to take something small, probably a piece of cake
or yoghurt," I said.
"Good idea, I will go with you," Georg said and god, I just realized,
that he did not eat something cause I was not eating. That was a bit
silly. As we walked towards the counters I asked him straightly.
"Georg, you should eat something if you're hungry... You are hungry,
aren't you?"
"No I am not that hungry.. it's just .. well okay.. earlier when I
was alone in the lecture from 8 till 10 I was feeling so alone.. god,
Kaneda, I want to be around you the whole time. Don't wanna miss a
time. I wanna be around you the whole time.. do you understand??!"
This was so cute. Damn this guy was so loving, so caring, I felt like
hugging him and shout around that I was loving this guy, tell it
everybody. But I felt guilty again because of the thoughts I had
earlier with Daniel sitting on my lap. I tried to wash them away by
saying to myself that it was nothing but it did not work properly. I
looked into Georg's face and this 6'3" tall guy was so wonderful. He
was smiling at me and I again lost myself in his eyes. I suddenly
felt low and thought that he deserved some better guy than me,
someone who was more sincere, not me.
"Jerks, take the first menu, tastes good to me," Kevin shouted, who
was standing on the other side of the barrier. He dragged me out of
dreamland and back into reality.
"Yes, Georg, I wished I could hug you, this is not the right place.."
Georg just nodded and smiled broadly.

Back at the table we were all eating different stuff. Jens and Yilmaz
had already finished and I was unable to figure out what they had. I
was poking around in my yoghurt and Georg was eating half a chicken
with some fries. That was actually what I expected from him. Eat
much, work out much, keep up his good build. When I compared myself
with Georg then I was not as broad as him and not as defined as he
was. He simply had more mass. Even though I was not skinny at all -I
had a build I could be proud of- I would still look skinny in a
direct comparison with him. I loved his build. I loved him so much.
But back to the meals: Kevin was having pork with sauerkraut, onions
and fries. Daniel was eating tofu. Tofu... Tofu???
"Daniel you're eating tofu?"
"Yeah, I need to try out different stuff now," he said, stressing the
word different and grinned to me.
"HEY DICKHEAD!" somebody yelled.
We all turned around. There was a guy, as huge as a tank approaching
our table. He was wearing a lumberjack-cotton-shirt, some
caterpillars, looked as if he was just a bit below 6 feet high and
had broad shoulders. They were even a bit broader than Kevin's.
"Hey sporty, what's up?" Jens said very soberly, but having a wicked
grin on his face.
"I AM GONNA WIPE THIS TABLE WITH YOUR ASS," he said and passed me,
pushing me to the table with my chair, squeezing the air out of my
lungs. He did not care about it and I started to cough like mad.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing??" I heard Georg shout who
had jumped up from his chair. The guy ignored Georg, and now Kevin
who was sitting next to Jens also stood up.
"You're not going to wipe any table with anybody's ass. You will turn
around now, and walk back to where you came from. This is my only and
last warning," Kevin said in a commanding town which gave me the
chills.
I had tears in my eyes from all the coughing by now and I could see
the 3 of them facing each other with Kevin and Georg waiting for the
move of that guy.

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Thank you for reading, and as usual, your comments, critics, and
everything else are welcome to tsuzahara@yahoo.com

Toji
:)