Diary Of An Unrequited Love
Anxious, that would be the one word to describe the way I felt as soon as I got out of bed that morning.
The first thing that I did when I got up that morning, was check my phone to see if Kevin had replied back to the text message that I sent him last night. He didn't ever reply back. I did however have a missed call from Aunt Faye. I figured I would call her back on my way to school.
After checking my phone I went into the bathroom and washed my face that morning and noticed that I was starting to get bags under my eyes. The night before that I didn't sleep well because I was away from Kevin and even dreamed about him on and off. Last night I was nervous about going bowling tonight.
I mean sure we had been friends since the sixth grade, but a lot had happened in the past couple of days. What if Kevin was coming to break up with me? Maybe that was the whole reasoning behind the text that he sent to me last night. I knew that Kristen didn't like me now. She made that loud and clear. I would be crushed if she had poisoned his mind and made him hate me.
had already left for work when I got up.
He had to be there at seven and then would be off for the next two
One good thing about us moving was the fact that I was closer to both work and school. I didn't have to get up at six anymore to be able to make it to my eight o'clock class on time. I only lived ten minutes away now compared to the thirty to forty minutes before.
Something else dawned on me that morning as I was getting ready, at ten o'clock I had my humanities class. I had that class with Kevin and we sat right next to each other.
Since it was Friday, I didn't have to be at school until nine because I had College Round Table on Monday and Wednesdays and didn't have it on Fridays. I decided to go ahead and go to school early. I had missed yesterday and figured I would spend the time before class doing whatever work it was that I was supposed to do in my two classes that I had missed.
As soon as I got in my car, I dialed Aunt Faye's number and she answered after the first ring.
"Hey Aunt Faye, I saw that I had a missed call from you this morning."
"I was just calling to let you know that my flight arrived here safely. Brice says to tell you hi."
"Tell him that I said hi back and that he needs to come to Arkansas and visit us sometimes." I told her.
My cousin Brice grew up in Arkansas. He went to college in Little Rock and got a degree in engineering. He got hired on as an engineer at Chrysler in Detroit, where he moved to and had been living at for the past three years.
Brice was twenty five and was always really nice to me when we were growing up. He actually let me hang out with his friends and him when he was a teenager and I was a kid.
"How are you doing?" She asked me.
I paused for a minute. I thought about whether or not I should tell her how I was feeling. I know she would find out as soon as she came back to Arkansas. I just didn't want her to spend all of her vacation worrying about me.
"What's wrong Ryan?" I could hear the worry in her voice.
"It's a long story."
It really would somehow be one. I would have to first come out to her and then tell her Kevin was my boyfriend and about what happened.
"Well tell me anyhow." She requested.
I knew it would be no use arguing with her.
"Promise me no matter what I tell you that you will never stop loving me?" I asked.
"I could never stop loving you." She replied sincerely. "Nothing you do or say could ever make me stop loving you."
I took a deep breath.
"I'm gay Aunt Faye."
"Well, a long story short is that Kevin is my boyfriend and his mom found out and kicked me out."
"What!" She exclaimed. "Where are you staying?"
"I'm fine." I replied. "I am staying with my friend Dan. We have an apartment together."
"That's good. Do you need me to come back early?"
"No." I replied. "You enjoy your trip."
"I'm proud of you Ryan for finally telling me that you are gay." Aunt Faye told me.
This really took me off guard. I had no idea she knew. I hadn't told her and I'm not gay enough for just anyone to be able to tell.
"You knew?" I asked.
"Yeah." She paused. "Your mom knew too. She was the one that brought it to my attention. She saw you and Kevin kiss one night."
How could my mom have known? I never told her I was gay. I didn't even know for sure when my mom was alive. Kevin and I weren't even together during that time.
The wheels in my mind kept rolling until I figured out when it was. It was the first time Kevin ever kissed me. It was New Years and right when it turned midnight he kissed me and said I was the best friend he could ever ask for. He also said he loved me. Shortly after that I remember my mom knocking on the door and then coming in.
My guess is that she didn't knock and came in and saw Kevin kiss me. She probably then carefully left the room without us noticing, knocked and came back in. That would have been typical of my mom.
The thought of my mom made me smile. Even at eighteen years old, I still wished she would hold me and everything would all be better.
"She never said anything to me about it."
"Well she said something to me." Aunt Faye stated. "She knew that Brice was gay and wanted my advice."
That was news to me. I had no idea.
"Brice is gay?" I asked.
"Yes." She replied. "I came to meet his new boyfriend."
"Well tell him to call me sometime." I said as I pulled into a parking spot at school. "We can talk about things."
"I sure will."
"Well, I am at school now so I am going to get off here and go by some of my classes and get some assignments that I missed yesterday." I opened my car door and got out. "I love you and will talk to you soon."
I still couldn't get over the fact that my mom knew or at least thought that I was gay and never once said anything to me. I just wondered if she would be okay with it. My guess is that she would have been. After all she didn't freak out when she saw Kevin kissed me. She just pretended like she never saw it, more than likely hoping that I would tell her about it when I became comfortable with it.
I found out that I just had an Algebra assignment in my algebra class. It was fifty problems, all pretty basic stuff that I could do in high school. My instructor didn't ask for a note or wonder why I missed class at all.
My other instructor wasn't there on Fridays so I didn't get to get my assignment.
I went to the library and worked on my Algebra homework until close to nine. I made it to my English class shortly before nine. I was ready for it to end before it even started.
I had humanities next. I was extremely anxious about going to it because I would get to see Kevin. That was enough to make anyone nervous. I had talked to him once since his mom found out about us the other night.
I kept looking at the clock, which made time go by even slower. After what seemed like an eternity 9:50 finally came and class was dismissed.
I practically skipped to my next class. I was going to get to see Kevin. I was going to get to talk to him.
I sat down at my usual seat. I kept watching the clock and watching the door to wait for Kevin come to in. I was nervously squirming around in my chair the whole time.
At 10:05, Mrs. Fisher walked in and it was time to start. Kevin didn't show up. I had me been so worked up about being able to see him, but it didn't happen. I felt crushed once again.
I didn't pay much attention to any of the lecture. I was in my own little world the entire time thinking about different reasons why Kevin wasn't in class today.
I didn't even realize class was over until I noticed that everyone was slowly leaving class. I then packed up my books and left the classroom.
I pulled out my phone as soon as I was in the hallway and sent Kevin a text.
Me: Hey, you weren't in class today. I was so excited on being able to see you. Are you okay?
I sent the message. Hopefully he had just missed that one class and we could meet up in the student center for lunch. The thought of him sitting in there waiting for me made me smile.
I checked my phone right when I reached the door of the student center. There was no reply from him. I checked the status of the message and saw that it had been read. I frowned.
I had no idea why he would read my message and not reply back to me.
I really didn't feel like going to history class after that. I wasn't in the mood for it. I didn't feel like listening to my ancient teacher.
I bypassed the cafeteria, went back to me and Dan's apartment and took a nap.
Dan and I hung out after he got off work. We spent most of the time unpacking some of the boxes that were in the living room. I really wasn't into it that much. I was still wondering why Kevin wasn't in class and why he didn't text me back after last night. I knew that he had read both messages because I checked and it showed that both of them had been read.
Dan left to pick his date up at seven. We weren't meeting at the bowling alley until nine. That is when most everyone got off. Kyle would be there when he got off at ten.
I pulled my car into the first empty parking spot that I saw when I arrived at the bowling alley. I saw that Misty was already there. Here little red Volkswagen Beetle was parked a few cars over from where I parked at. I knew it was her car because of the neon pink license plate on the front that said Misty.
When I got out of my car, the first thing I did was scan the parking lot to see if saw a little blue extended cab Chevy Colorado. This is what Kevin's truck looked like. I didn't see it anywhere.
I thought about waiting for him, but decided not to. Instead I went inside and saw that Misty, Davis, Cassie, Sarah, Mark and Chandler were already there. They were all in the front lobby waiting for me.
"Hey Ryan." Misty greeted me as soon as she saw me walk through the front doors.
"How's it going?" I didn't really look at them, but instead I was looking around the bowling alley to see if Kevin had somehow come in without anyone noticing him. Perhaps he had parked his truck somewhere I didn't see it.
"You looking for someone?" Misty asked.
"I was just looking to see if Kevin had made it here yet." I replied. "He said that he was going to meet me here."
"I hadn't seen him yet." She said.
"Hey dude, you remember my girlfriend Cassie?" Davis asked as he patted Cassie on the shoulders.
I did remember her. I had only met her once, but she wasn't exactly the easiest person to forget. She was a couple inches taller than me, which was tall for a girl. She had long blond hair that came to her butt. She had an extremely high pitched voice and always wore clothes that were extremely small on her.
Most people would think slut or bitch when they first met her just by the way she looked. That is what I thought myself also, but she wasn't. She was actually pretty smart. She was going to college to be a pharmacist which I would say definitely takes some major smarts to do.
"Yeah I do." I replied. "How have you been Cassie?"
She smiled at me. "I've been great. Just staying busy with school and all."
I looked around, scanning all the people to see if I just happened to see Kevin in the mist of all the people.
"Looking for someone sweetie?" She asked.
"Uh my friend Kevin." I replied not even bothering to look at her.
She smiled at me. Her teeth were perfectly straight and white.
"I'm sure if he said he would show up that he will show up." She told me.
"I made it." I heard a guy say.
I didn't even bother to look to see who said it. I was in my own little world thinking of Kevin. I knew it wasn't his voice so I didn't really care to see who it was.
"It's about time." I heard Chandler say. "I was starting to worry about you."
"I had a flat. I ran over a nail I suppose."
"Hey everyone." Chandler was trying to get everyone's attention. "I want you to meet Seth."
I stopped thinking about Kevin and looked at Chandler. Standing next to him was Kevin's step-cousin Seth, the one that I met at the wedding. The same one that Kristen was going on and on about him bringing his boyfriend home for his parents to meet.
"Hey Seth." I greeted him.
He walked over to me and gave me a big hug.
"How have ya been man?"
"Okay." I replied.
"You two know each other?" Chandler had a puzzled look on his face.
"Yeah." Seth replied. "Ryan is my step-cousin Kevin's best friend. I met him at my Uncle Steve's wedding to his new wife Kristen." He looked at me. "No offense or anything Ryan, but Kevin's mom can be a total bitch."
"I know." I replied. "Kevin is supposed to be meeting me here. He should be here anytime."
"Party afterwards back at my place." Davis announced.
"I guess we should go get our shoes." Misty told us.
I walked over to the door and looked out it one more time to see if I saw Kevin's truck out there. I didn't see it.
We got two lanes next to each other. Misty, Kyle, Davis, Cassie and Sarah would all be on one lane and Chandler, Seth, Mark, Kevin (whenever he decided to show up) and me would be on the other.
"So I didn't know you were gay." I told Chandler when we were out of earshot of Mark.
I didn't know how open the two of them were about it.
"Yeah, I liked dudes." Chandler said as he sat down and slid the bowling shoes on. "You got a problem with it?"
"No." I told him. "I think it's pretty cool. Love is love."
"You got anyone special?" He asked as he finished tying his shoe laces.
I smiled at him.
Just then Seth came over and sat down next to Chandler.
"We are going to cream the others." Seth announced. "They are going down!"
"Seth is pretty competitive." Chandler explained as he looked over at me.
Seth got up from his chair next to Chandler and walked over to the shelf that held all of the bowling balls and started looking for one that he liked.
I was kind of thinking that myself. Seth was a pretty well built guy. He was almost a half food taller than me, his arms were nice and well defined. His biceps looked like they were about to pop out of his t-shirt. His brown hair was cut in a short crew cut.
"He looks like he played football." I commented.
"He did." He grinned at me. "So do tell who is the special someone you have in your life."
"Kevin." I said smiling.
"What!" He exclaimed. "I knew you two were close, but I had no idea you were boyfriends." He slapped his hand. "I need to get my gaydar fixed."
"We have only been together for a little under a month." I took my phone out and looked at the time. "His mom found out and it hasn't been so good."
Kevin should be here by now. It was after nine thirty.
I typed a text asking him where he was and hit send. The message just sat there on the screen for what seemed like forever. An error message appeared. It said sending failed please try again. I selected to send the message again. The same thing happened.
I looked at my phone's screen to make sure it was getting reception. It had five bars, which was the max it could have, for the reception.
"Is your phone working?" I asked Chandler. "I just tried to send a message to Kevin asking him where he was. It said error."
Chandler pulled out his phone.
"What's your number?" He asked.
I gave him my number and he sent me a text. My phone buzzed a few seconds after and I had the text from him. Maybe it was my phone that wasn't working right. I sent a message back to Chandler. It went through without any errors.
"I don't know what it could be." He told me. "I have an idea. Why don't you try calling him?"
I actually hadn't thought about doing that. I was kind of nervous as it was texting him.
"I suppose I can."
I dialed Kevin's number. It rang once then a pre-recorded message answered.
"The number you have dialed is no longer a working number. Please hang up and try your call again later. Message PL476."
"What!" I threw my phone on the floor. "No!"
I knew I would regret throwing my phone. It broke as soon as it hit the floor.
Chandler looked over at me.
Seth came over caring the bowling ball that he had picked out.
"Everything okay over here?" He asked as he sat back down next to Chandler.
"No!" I shouted. "It's not!"
Misty walked over and stood behind me. I felt her squeeze my shoulders.
"What's wrong?" She asked in a soothing voice.
"It's over." I shook my head. "It's over."
I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes. I didn't want to do this here. I was around everyone I worked with and I didn't want them to see me like that.
"What is over?" Misty asked me.
"Please just give me space." I stood up.
I had to get away from everyone before I broke down.
I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I didn't look as bad as I felt. My eye was still black, blue and swollen.
"Why?" I asked myself.
I turned on the water and splashed my face with it. I had heard of people doing it when they were upset. It turned out it didn't work. I was still as upset as ever.
"Kevin why would you do this to me?"
I didn't understand any of it. He had text me and told me to go bowling that he would be there. He wasn't here. He didn't show up to class, obviously because I was there. How can you tell someone that you loved them and then do all of this to them?
The sound of the bathroom door startled me. I turned to see both Chandler and Seth come into the bathroom.
"Chan told me what happened." Seth walked over to me and pulled me into a big hug.
The hug was so tight that it felt like he could snap my back.
"I hope you don't mind me telling him." Chandler said.
I shook my head.
Seth released his hug and looked at me.
"Do you want to maybe talk about it?" He asked.
I wiped away some tears that had started falling from my eyes. I hated people see me like this.
"Sorry you guys have to see me like this." I sniffled.
"It's fine." Chandler said. "Seth knows more of what you are going through than I do."
"My parents aren't very happy with me being gay. They said it is just a phase and I will outgrow it. My dad won't talk to me, but my mom at least makes an effort to try and talk to me." Seth explained. "My dad is Steven's brother."
"I have had so much happen to me this year. I don't understand why. I lost my family. I lost Kevin. I don't know how much more I can take of this."
"This is going to sound harsh, but I have to say it." Chandler stated it. "Kevin is an adult. He can do what he wants. He didn't have to go with his mom."
"You don't know his mom. You have no idea how controlling she is." I tried to defend his actions even though a part of me knew that Chandler was right. "His mom has always been like that."
"Trust me. I know." Seth said. "She tried telling my parents that they needed to disown me or send me to a camp that would make me straight."
I had heard of those places before. I didn't think they were real though. What if that is why I hadn't heard from Kevin? Maybe Kristen had him enrolled in some kind of camp that was supposed to try and turn him straight.
"I never thought of that." The idea of Kevin being in some kind of place like that broke my heart. He needed me. "Do you think that maybe that is where he is at?"
"I don't talk to my parents much these days, but I will just for you." Seth told me. "I will see what I can find out about them."
"You have no idea how much that means to me." I pulled both Chandler and Seth into a hug.
"Now how about we get you cleaned up and go kick some ass out there." Seth suggested.
Seth was pretty hot. He was any gay guy's dream guy. He had the body of a god and the personality of one also. He had a sweet caring personality hidden under all that macho exterior.
I just couldn't think of him in any other way that a big brother. I had always wondered what it was like to have a big brother.
I wiped my eyes and washed my face before we went back out to our lane. Mark had entered all of our names in the order that we were going to play. It went in the following order: Seth, Mark, Chandler, Kevin and me.
I guess Mark thought that Kevin was going to show up so he went ahead and put him in the computer.
"You guys ready?" Kyle walked over to our lane and asked us.
"Yeah." Seth told him. "You guys are going down."
Kyle grinned and shook his head. He walked back over to the other lane and sat down next to Misty, putting his arm around her and kissing her on the lips. I had no idea they were dating.
We played two different games. We took turns playing whenever it would have been Kevin's turn. Each time it was time to bowl for him it felt like a little piece of my heart was missing.
The team of Seth, Chandler, Mark and I won. Every time it was my turn to bowl I would imagine Kristen's head being there and hit it right in the center. I ended up scoring a 190 the first game and a 185 on the second. With all of our scored added together my team had 1958 points for both rounds. The other team ended up with 1701 for their total score.
I wasn't too sure if I wanted to go to the party afterwards. They were going to be drinking and I really just wanted to go home lie in bed and wait for Dan to get home to see how his date went.
I got in my car and pulled out my phone. I looked at it. Shook my head and shoved it back into my pocket.
I really didn't know what to do anymore.
Seth pounded on the window of my car right when I stated up my car. He wanted to know if I was going to the party. I hadn't planned on it, but after some persuasion I changed my mind.
On the drive to Davis' apartment, I found out a little bit more about Seth and Chandler. Seth had played football from seventh grade up until he graduated. I guess that would explain his huge build. He was the starting quarterback his junior and senior year.
He was majoring in law. I could see him doing it. He was pretty persuasive at getting me to go to the party.
Seth's dad was also a lawyer and he expected Seth to follow in his footsteps. He originally hadn't planned on doing it, but after taking one semester of it he decided he enjoyed it.
Chandler I found out was from a single family home. His mom worked two jobs to make ends meet for him and his two sisters. He had come out to his mom when he was sixteen. It didn't change anything between them.
We drove for a good twenty minutes before we made it to Davis' apartment, which turned out to be a trailer right off the highway. The first thing I noticed was how far we had gone. We were almost in Greenwood. This made me think of Kevin. It was where he was from.
I kept telling myself that I wouldn't think about him. This is what he wanted. He probably wasn't thinking about me. If he was then he would have gone bowling like he promised. He wouldn't have changed his phone number either.
I parked next to Misty's car. She and Kyle had taken her car and somehow had beaten me there already.
"I've never been to a party." I told Seth and Chandler as I got out of my car.
"It's fun dude. It will loosen you up a little. Help take your mind off things." Seth told me.
"Okay then." I looked at the two of them. "Lead the way."
Seth led the way up to the front of the house. There were people standing around outside with red cups drinking out of them. There was music blaring out the open windows of the house.
"Is this how all parties are?" I had to shout over the music.
"Pretty much," Chandler shouted back. "Try to have fun. If you don't have fun we will leave. I promise."
Seth opened the door. As soon as he did, a big whiff of cigarette smoke poured out of the house.
"Woah that's strong."
The three of us went inside of the house. There were several people in there. Many of them I didn't know.
Seth led us through the living room and into the kitchen where all of the drinks were. He picked up three cups and handed one to Chandler and one to me. I took a sip out of my cup and immediately spit it out.
"This taste like piss!" I exclaimed.
Seth and Chandler both laughed.
"It gets better after the first sip." Chandler explained.
I looked down in the cup and saw lots of foam covering a golden colored liquid. I looked up at Seth.
"What is this crap?" I asked.
Seth leaned over and took a sniff of my cup.
"It's beer. I know that much." He replied. "Drink up. Drown your sorrows."
He took his cup and downed it. A little bit of it leaked out around the corner of his mouth.
I put the cup back up to my mouth and took another sip of it. It was still as bad as before.
"A little secret," Chandler wrapped his arm around my little shoulder. "Drink it as fast as you can and you won't be able to taste it."
I put the cup up to my mouth again and turned the cup up. This time I didn't stop until the cup was empty.
"Seth!" I heard someone shout across the room.
Seth turned around to see a guy walking across the room towards him.
"David! How you been man!" He shouted back at the guy. "We played against other in football in school."
Seth walked over to the guy. They bumped their chest into each other and let out a loud howl.
"You want another?" Chandler grabbed my cup from me. He took it back over to the table, sat it down and got two more.
"Thanks." I said as he handed me the cup.
"Seth is Mr. Social at these kinds of things." Chandler took a huge drink of his beer.
I looked at Chandler. He made me think of Kevin. They both had the same color of light brown hair, the only difference was that Chandler had curly hair and Kevin didn't. They were both around the same height.
"You guys go to these kinds of things often?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"Not really, maybe once a month or so." He took another sip of his beer and looked at me. "You okay?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm going to have to be. You kind of remind me of him a little bit."
I downed my second beer. I was starting to feel really funny. My head was buzzing a little bit and it seemed like everyone was yelling. I felt like I was floating too.
"You want another?" He asked whenever he saw that I had finished.
I grinned at him.
"Hells yeah." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. The screen was broken on it and the back of it had a huge crack on it. "So much for this piece."
He walked over to the table and picked up another beer for me. He still had some left in his cup so he didn't get another one for himself.
He handed me the beer.
"Here ya go." He looked around the room. "You want to go outside. It's a lot quieter out there."
I watched as different people were dancing with each other. Some were just jumping around some were grinding against each other. I noticed a few were passed out on the couch.
"I am going outside." I muttered to no one in particular. "I will see ya in a bit."
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he replied. "You are just funny when you are drunk."
I pointed at myself.
"Me drunk." I looked at the cup. "This is apple juice."
He walked over to the back door in the kitchen and opened it. I staggered over to him, bumping into the table with all the beer on it on my way out.
"Move!" I shouted at the table.
Chandler shook his head.
"Can you make it okay?" He grabbed my arm and helped me down the back steps.
"I ain't no baby." I took a huge sip out of my beer. "I am fine."
He led me outside and closed the door behind us.
He sat down on the back steps. I sat down next to him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
"Don't tell Seth please. He thinks that I quit." He held the pack in front of me. "You want one."
"Why the hell not? We are all going to die anyhow." I pulled one of the cigarettes out of the pack and put it in my mouth. "I won't tell Seth."
Chandler took one out, put it in his mouth and lit it. He held the lighter up to the cigarette in my mouth and lit it.
I took a puff off it and coughed. I looked down at my cup and saw that it was still full. I had to do something about that now didn't I? I took a huge gulp, downing half of the beer in the process.
I took another puff of my cigarette.
"How you feeling?" Chandler asked as he took a sip of his beer followed by a puff of his cigarette.
"I feel fucking great!" I shouted.
He smiled at me.
"Am I going to die now from smoking this?" I asked.
He laughed at me.
"I'm still here ain't I? I've been doing it since I was seventeen and I'm twenty." This statement was followed by a swig of his beer and a puff of his cigarette.
"True." I downed the rest of my beer.
"For this to be your first time drinking, you sure can put that stuff away. You better be careful or you will end up looking like Seth's Uncle Steve."
I took a slow puff from my cigarette.
"You know what?" I looked at Chandler. "Fuck Steven, fuck Kristen, I'm sure Steve takes care of fucking Kristen." I laughed at myself. "Fuck `em all"
"Wow, I didn't imagine you would be one to use profanity." Chandler said as he blew cigarette smoke in my face.
I stood up from the steps, took the last puff off my cigarette and tossed it in the ground. I looked at Chandler.
"You know what?" I grabbed my shirt and tried to rip it off me. I had no luck, so I just pulled it off and tossed it on the ground. "I'm fucking superman!"
"You are a crazy drunk."
"I am not drunk."
I lied down on the grass and looked up at the darkened sky. There were several stars shining bright in the sky that night.
I watched out of the corner of my eye as Chandler walked over to where I was lying at on the grass. He took his last puff of his cigarette and tossed it down and looked down at me.
"How ya feeling?" He asked as he lied down on the ground next to me.
I looked over him and laughed.
"I guess that answers the question." He laughed at me. I felt him touch my stomach. "What happened?"
"Some fucking bitch came into my house with a loaded gun and shot us all!" I looked over at him. "She is dead now. And no I didn't kill her."
"I'm sorry." He told me.
I looked over at him. "Can I have another cig and maybe a beer?"
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. "You can have another one of these, but I don't think you need anything else to drink. You are pretty toasted."
He took a cigarette out , put it in his mouth and lit it. He held it over to me and I took a puff off of it.
"Can I have the rest of your beer?" I asked.
He grabbed his cup off the ground and handed it to me. "You can and you should probably stop after this otherwise you are going to fill like a bus run over you in the morning."
I grabbed the cup out of his hand and downed it as fast as I could. I let out a loud burp.
I looked inside the cup. It was empty.
"All gone." I threw the cup on the ground.
Chandler brought his cigarette over to my mouth. I took another puff of it.
"I'm surprised Seth hasn't come looking for us yet." He said as he took a puff of the cigarette.
"Maybe he fell in the bathtub." I laughed. "Don't worry I will drive us all home."
I felt a hand in my pocket. I looked over and saw that Chandler had his hand in my right pocket. When he took his hand out, he had my keys in his hand.
"You aren't driving anywhere. I will be the designated driver. I am sure Seth is shit faced drunk by now."
I looked up at the sky and blinked a couple of times.
I looked over to my left and there he was lying right next to me. I couldn't believe it. He came to see me.
"I love you Kevin."
I leaned over and kissed him. He kissed me back. I could feel his tongue in my mouth briefly. I felt happy for the first time that night.
He stopped kissing me and pushed me off.
"We can't do this."
"Don't you love me Kevin?"
"You are drunk. Snap out of it I am not Kevin."
I closed my eyes. That is when I realized that even being drunk; I couldn't stop thinking about Kevin. I opened my eyes. I looked over to my left.
Kevin had never been there. I had kissed Chandler. But why did he kiss me back? I don't even think he was drunk.
Was I that screwed up in the head that I thought Chandler was Kevin? Maybe it was the mixture of being drunk and the euphoria of smoking.
"We should probably go back inside." Chandler stood up.
I closed my eyes and laid there. Had I screwed up a possible new friendship by thinking the guy was Kevin and kissing him. What if Seth found out? How would he act? I could picture him getting really jealous and I know he could hurt me no questions asked.
"I am staying!"
Chandler sat back down on the ground with me.
"I can't leave you out here alone."
I closed my eyes and that is the last thing I remembered before I got home.
The sound of my bedroom door opening and the light shining through woke me up. I looked towards the door and all I could make out was a dark figure standing there.
"Yeah." I replied.
Dan walked over to my bed and sat down next to me.
"How you feeling?" He asked me.
"Not so good." I replied.
"You were pretty out of it when those two guys Chandler and Seth brought you home."
"Kevin didn't show up." I looked up at Dan.
"I know." He told me. "Kevin is an asshole and I don't care if I ever see him again. He hurt you."
"Thanks Dan for everything." I smiled at him. "Can I go back to sleep now my head hurts."
Dan stood up from my bed. "Sure."
"Goodnight Ryan." He said as he left my bedroom.
I closed my eyes and drifted off again soon after that. The one person that I didn't want to think about was the one person that I dreamed about that night.
I blinked my eyes a couple of times. I could hear an annoying beeping noise coming from around me. My head hurt so bad, it felt like it had been smashed with a hammer. There was a sharp pain in my in my stomach. I could feel someone holding my hand.
The last thing I could remember. I blinked again trying to remember that last thing that happened. It felt like I had been sleeping for the longest time.
That is when I remembered. My mom, dad and two brothers had gotten shot. That was the last thing I remember.
I opened my eyes fully. Everything was blurry at first. I looked around and slowly things started to focus clearly.
I looked up and saw Kevin looking down at me. He was squeezing my hand like there was no tomorrow.
"Kevin." I smiled at him.
His sexy blue eyes and sexy face was the perfect thing to wake up to.
"My family, are they okay?"
He looked at me and closed his eyes. He shook his head. I could feel tears falling from his eyes onto my face.
"No!" I shouted. "I'm going to kill her!"
The screaming made my head hurt even worse. It also sent a sharp pain through my abdomen.
Kevin leaned over and pulled me into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry Ry." He kissed my forehead. "I wish I could bring them back. I wish I could go kill Cynthia myself."
"Where is she?"
"They arrested her." His mouth was against my forehead as he spoke and his breath tickled. "She tried to come in here and smother you and I caught her. I wanted to kill her right then and there with my bare hands, but they arrested her before I had a chance to."
I didn't know what to say. I had so many different emotions going through me right then.
"When is the funeral?" I asked.
Kevin stood up and looked down at me.
"They already had them."
"What?" I looked around the room. "How long has it been?"
"You have been in a coma for a month Ryan. It's June 16th." He told me.
"What?" I exclaimed. "Why did they not wait for me before they had the funeral?"
"The doctors honestly didn't think you would make it." He replied. "I thought otherwise. I wasn't going to lose my best friend."
"I missed graduation."
"You missed the ceremony, but you have a diploma. Everyone got together and went to the school board. Since it was only a couple weeks before graduation they exempt you from all the finals and you passed."
I didn't know what to say. Just the thought of my classmates doing that for me brought tears of joy to my eyes.
My throat was extremely dry.
"My mom and Steve are finally getting married. She is moving into his house and I talked her into letting you and I stay in our house while we go to college. I knew you would pull through this even if no one else did."
"Thank you Kevin."
He bent over and kissed me on the forehead.
"You are my best friend in the entire world Ryan Wilson. I am never going to abandon you no matter what. It's you and I until the end."
I looked up at him.
"You mean that?"
"I swear my life on it." He told me. "I just feel really close to you. Closer than all my other friends, I just don't know what I would have done if I lost you."
I squeezed his hand.
"Thank you." I paused and looked at him. "Friends `til the end"
He drew an imaginary cross over his heart.
"Cross my heart and hope to die."
I smiled. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. It felt weird. It was the second time I had ever been kissed. The first time was by Kevin on New Years and it was only a peck on the lips.
This time it lasted a little longer. I got this warm sensation over my body that I just couldn't feel.
I opened my eyes and looked around my bedroom. Light was shining through the window. I had a massive head ache.
I looked at my alarm clock. It was noon. I could sleep a little longer. I didn't have to be at work until five.
Why did Kevin say that he would be there for me always? He said it and now he had broken his word. Is that what the rest of my life was going to consist of, nothing but broken promises?
Hope you enjoyed this chapter I look forward to your comments and questions email me at firstname.lastname@example.org