Diary of An Unrequited love
Edited by: Riley
I woke up the next morning to the bright rays of the sun shining through the window, and Kevin's arms still wrapped around me. I looked over at him and saw that he was still peacefully sleeping.
His breathing was slow and steady. His hair was tousled from slightly moving around throughout the night. He had a peaceful grin on his face.
I smiled as I thought about what happened last night.
He kissed me and I liked it. It wasn't just an I love you kiss either. It was more of an I love you and want to be with you kiss.
The taste of his tongue and lips still lingered in my mouth.
Why had he kissed me? Did he like me more than a best friend? Did this make him gay?
I had never really thought about my sexuality before. I had never had a girlfriend before either. Eighteen years on this earth and I had never had one. I had of course my share of being asked out, but I always said no.
Then there were the locker rooms when we were in high school. I always tried to get glances at the other guys as we were changing. I never really thought anything about it. I just chalked it up to being curious about what other guys looked like and trying to compare them to myself.
I didn't want to get up, but my bladder felt like it was about to burst. I slowly raised Kevin's arm up off me so I could get up.
I guess I didn't do it slow enough. Next thing you know, he was opening his eyes and looking right at me.
He smiled at me. "Good morning. Did you sleep better?"
"I did. Thanks for asking." I got up out of bed. "Thanks for everything you do for me. You really, really have no idea what my life would be like without you."
I felt Kevin grab my arm and pull me back down onto the bed.
"Where you going?" He asked me. "How about you enjoy this last day of sleeping in with me, you know tomorrow is the first day of classes so no sleeping in then."
"I know." I looked over at him. "I just have to pee really badly. Unless you want me to wet the bed."
We both laughed.
"Nah. You go ahead and use the bathroom."
I raced to the bathroom and used it as fast as I could. This was the best I had felt in the morning in a long time.
After using the bathroom I raced back into the bedroom and climbed under the covers. It may have been near the end of August, but Kevin seemed to like it really cold and I was freezing.
He propped his head up on his hands and looked over at me.
"I'm sorry for last night. I don't know why I kissed you like that." He apologized.
I closed my eyes.
Those weren't the words that I was looking for.
I was hoping for something more along the lines of "That was the most amazing kiss Ry and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"It's ok." I replied, not opening my eyes.
Kevin pulled me closer to him.
"What's wrong?" He wiped away tears that were starting to flow out of my tightly closed eyelids.
"Nothing." I lied. "I'm just happy for once in a long while."
He kissed my forehead and smiled at me.
"It makes me happy when you are happy."
I truly was thankful for everything he had done for me. I was thankful for his mom not selling their house and letting us stay there. I was thankful for Daniel doing everything he had done to be there for me too.
"I don't know exactly what you are going through." Kevin looked at me and paused. "I know what it is like to lose a parent even if I was too young to remember, but I don't know what it's like to lose your entire family."
Kevin's dad had been a state trooper. He pulled someone over because he ran their license plate and it came back to a different car than the one that it was on. When his dad approached the car, the guy pulled out a gun and shot him dead in the head.
Kevin was only two so he didn't really remember it that much.
I coached my emotions until I stopped crying. I opened my eyes back up and looked at Kevin.
"So what's the plan for today?" I asked him. "I actually feel pretty rejuvenated right now so I don't need any more sleep otherwise I will have a massive headache."
Kevin flipped over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling.
"Um I really don't know." He turned his head and looked at me. "What sounds like fun to you?"
"Well how about we go play a game of putt-putt golf and then maybe we can hit the batting cages while we are there." I suggested.
I enjoyed putt-putt golf. Didn't like the batting cages that they had there very much because I just flat out sucked at baseball. If you ask me it seems pretty pointless. It seems like one of the longest sports and it goes by so slowly and is just boring to watch.
Kevin grinned at me. "We can go putt-putt golfing under one condition."
"And what's that mister?"
"You can't cheat this time." He replied.
"Cheat!" I exclaimed playfully. "I would never cheat. It just so happens that every time my ball is near the hole, my foot is next to it and pushes it in the hole."
We both burst out laughing.
Everyone always complained about how much they hated going putt-putt golfing with me because I cheated. I knew they were joking. Now even though I had gotten better at the game, it was as if everyone expected me to cheat. I did it just to keep everyone laughing.
Kevin's phone went off.
He rolled over and picked it up off the table next to my bed. He read his message and then rapidly began to text back to whoever it was that had messaged him.
My guess was that it was probably Eric telling him how much pussy he had scored the night before.
When he finished replying back he sat his phone back down and rolled back over and looked at me.
"That was just Haleigh wanting to know if we wanted to go eat with her and Michael after they got out of church. I told her that you and I were going to spend the day together and then we could catch a movie or something later. I hope you are ok with that."
Heck yeah I was ok with that. I was ecstatic about that. Mr. Social had turned down an invitation to hang out with some of our other friends to spend that day with me.
"Um yeah I'm ok with that." I tried to not show exactly how excited I was about it. "You didn't have to ya know. I would have been fine going to eat with them ya know."
"I know, but it's not like we will get to spend as much time together after tomorrow between school and work and all." He looked at me, his face growing serious. "You know you don't have to go back to work tomorrow if you don't want to."
"Thanks for being concerned, but I got to do this sometime. It's been long enough already."
He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
"I'm going to miss you when you go back to work and have to work until eleven." He shrouded his voice.
We both had jobs and both worked at different places. I worked at a discount retailer called The Bargain Basket and he worked Baughman's which was a dry cleaners. He worked behind the counter taking people's money and ironing clothes. They closed at eight. The Bargain Basket didn't close until ten and sometimes it was as late as eleven before I got out of there.
"I guess I will miss you too." I said nonchalantly.
He laughed and next thing I knew he jerked the covers off me and started tickling me on my sides.
I tried to make him stop but we were having too much fun. I was laughing like crazy and he was laughing at me.
He suddenly stopped tickling me and just stared into my eyes. He leaned closer to my face, his lips almost touching mine, then he suddenly pulled away and looked at me.
"Uh we should probably get ready to go, otherwise it's going to suck trying to drive in the traffic." He suggested.
I had hoped that he was going to kiss me again. His lips were so close to mine but he pulled away.
Thirty minutes after leaving, we arrived at
Kevin parked his truck, hopped out and raced to the attendant and bought two tickets before I even had time to react. He came back over to me smiling and handed me my ticket.
"Here ya go sunshine."
I took the ticket and looked at him.
"You don't have to keep buying me stuff ya know." I told him. "I have a little money saved up."
I was actually lying and I am pretty sure he knew it. I hadn't worked in a couple of months. My parents didn't have life insurance, so everyone on my mom's side of the family pitched in and helped pay for the funeral.
I had used up everything that I had saved to pay for my cell phone, car payment and car insurance.
"Well it's my treat." He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the front of the entrance.
He let go as soon as someone walked by. It was as if he realized that he was holding onto me and didn't want anyone to see.
We actually had a pretty good game. Kevin got seven hole-in-ones out of eighteen and I got two of them. I got ten if you want to count the accidental tapping the ball into the hole with my foot.
Afterwards, we went to the batting cages which I majorly sucked on. I had a big whopping score of zero.
As we were walking to Kevin's truck, his phone went off. He looked at it then looked at me.
"Haleigh said that she and Michael got a late start and aren't going to dinner here in a few hours if we want to eat with them."
"Sounds fun enough with me." I replied.
I watched his fingers as they rapidly moved across the keypad of his phone replying back to Haleigh's message. He put his phone back into his pocket and led the way back to his truck.
He stopped at the passenger side of the truck, stuck the key in the door, unlocked it and opened it for me. He walked over to the driver's side unlocked it and got in.
He stuck his key in the ignition, then turned and looked at me.
"So we got a little bit of time to spare what do you want to do while we wait for them?" He asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Doesn't matter to me."
It really didn't matter to me. What really mattered to me was that I got to spend more time with Kevin.
I briefly glanced at him and took in everything that he had to offer. He had the most amazing smile, perfectly straight teeth, from wearing braces for years. His eyes were the deepest shade of blue and I just got lost in them every time I looked into them. He made me laugh when I was down.
I was falling for him. I was falling for my best friend. I turned around and looked out the passenger side window to try to compose myself.
It was right there at that very moment that I admitted to myself something that I had been struggling with for years.
I was in fact gay.
No matter how hard I tried not to, I couldn't fight it. I wanted nothing more to be held by Kevin at that very moment.
I had been raised Southern Baptist so I fought it and fought it because I had always been taught that being gay was a sin. I now realized that there wasn't anything that I could do to help it. I was tired of fighting.
Kevin placed his hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?"
I turned and looked at him. "Yeah I'm fine. Just thinking. That's all."
He pressed in the clutch to his truck turned the key and it roared to life.
We drove around aimlessly pretty much. Turning down one road then down another, a goofy grin plastered on his face the whole time.
Halfway through our drive, he reached over, grabbed my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine.
He just looked at me and smiled.
I smiled too.
I really didn't know what to think anymore. He had kissed me last night, with tongue. He tells me how much he loves me all the time, and now he was holding my hand. I didn't know what to think.
We drove around for a little bit longer until Kevin's phone went off. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone and handed it to me.
Kevin was very much against texting while driving. He wasn't shy about voicing his opinion about it either.
"See what that says." He instructed.
I pressed the read button on the screen of his phone and opened the text that he had gotten. I read the message.
"It's Haleigh she says that she and Michael are about five minutes away from the Olive Garden." I told him.
"I think we can actually beat them there." He told me.
We were on Grover Avenue, one of the busiest streets, and even on a Sunday it was still pretty busy. I didn't really see us making it there in five minutes. Especially seeing how we had about three stop lights that we had to go through.
Kevin pressed his clutch in, shifted the gears and floored it. I was scared to death by the time we made it there.
He turned into the parking lot and pulled into a parking space just as Haleigh and Michael pulled up beside his us.
We got out and waited for them to get out of their car.
"I know why I don't like riding with you." Haleigh told Kevin. "I saw the way you pulled in here."
"Oh that was nothing." He joked.
"I honestly don't know which of you two is the worst driver. Kevin you just drive kinda crazy and Ryan you just run into everything."
"How's it going Mike?" Kevin greeted Michael.
"Oh pretty good. Ready for this year to come to an end. Too much homework already." Michael replied.
Michael and Haleigh were both a year younger than us. They had just started their senior year of high school on the 20th of August. Kevin and I would start our freshman year of college on the 27th of August.
We had known each other since elementary school, but we didn't really all start hanging out until last year. Mike and Haleigh went to the same church as Kevin and he knew them a little better and we all just started hanging out.
The one thing that always got me was that Haleigh never asked just one of us to do anything. Anytime she and Mike did something together they would always invite both Kevin and me. I would occasionally hang out with Haleigh when she was alone sometimes. She was a great help during the past few months.
Kevin led the way into the restaurant as he chatted away with Mike.
The hostess led us to a booth located in the far back corner of the dining area. Kevin and I sat on one side and Mike and Haleigh on the other, with Mike across from Kevin on the outside and Haleigh on the inside across from me.
The hostess handed us each a menu.
"Do you know what you want to drink or do you need a little more time to decide?" She asked.
We all looked at each other and nodded our heads that we were ready to order our drinks.
"Just give me a Diet Coke." Haleigh said.
Haleigh always drank diet. She was convinced that she was fat. I mean she was a little on the thick side, but she wasn't over weight or anything. She just wasn't supermodel anorexic skinny.
"Regular Coke." Mike stated.
"Dr. Pepper for me." Kevin said and then looked over at me. "And he will have a Strawberry-Mango Limonata."
I smiled at him. We didn't eat here very often. I mean it wasn't exactly the cheapest place for college kids. I was gleeful that he remembered my favorite drink here.
The hostess left to go get our drinks.
"You look very good today Ryan." Haleigh told me. "I love your smile."
I could feel my face turning red as she said that. I knew that I was smiling from ear to ear knowing that Kevin remembered my favorite drink and it had been several months since we ate here.
I had finally admitted to myself that I was gay. I wasn't yet ready to admit to anyone else that I was yet.
I didn't exactly live in the liberal west coast or the east coast. I lived right in the mid-south. Probably not the most gay friendly place.
"Well, I just have awesome friends that have been there for me. You, Michael, Kevin and Daniel. Y'all are the best friends anyone could ask for."
"I'm just sorry you have to put up with his ugly face every day." Mike nodded towards Kevin.
"Nah." I told him.
Dinner was pretty good there. I ended up having some kind of fancy lasagna. Kevin had Calamari. Mike had steak and Haleigh had plain old spaghetti.
When it came time to pay, Kevin refused to let me pay. He took the bill from me and wrapped it around his debit card and placed it in the black folder the waitress had left on the table. Mike had done the same with his and Haleigh's food.
While waiting for the waitress to comeback to charge their cards, Kevin and Mike went to the bathroom so they got up from the table, leaving Haleigh and myself there.
I considered her a good friend. She was actually pretty. She had long dark brown hair that she always wore down. Her skin was a little pale and she had green eyes.
"So is there something I should know?" She whispered.
I was puzzled. I had no idea what she was talking about.
I took a drink from my glass.
"Well, I noticed that you and Kevin are extra close here lately. I noticed he has been extra touchy feely with you too." She grinned. "Then I saw him playing footsies with you under the table while we were eating."
I coughed, spitting my drink all over the table.
"I really don't care." She continued. "I just see how close you are with each other. If you don't want to tell me then that's fine."
"I uh- I uh." I stuttered for a moment, looking for the right words to say.
I was saved by Kevin and Mike coming back to the table.
Kevin looked at the drink all over the table then looked at me and then at Haleigh.
"What happened here?" He asked.
"Nothing. Haleigh just being herself and made me laugh so hard I spit my drink out all over the table."
"Oh." Kevin stated. Not very convinced about it either.
We waited for a few more minutes and finally the waitress came back and took the bills. She came back a few minutes after that and gave Kevin and Mike their debit cards and a copy of the receipt.
We all walked outside together. Kevin walking me to the passenger side of his truck and once again unlocking it and opening the door for me.
Kev climbed in on the driver's side and we took off.
Once we had pulled back out onto the main road and were on our way home, Kevin looked over at me with the most serious look on his face.
"So what were you and Haleigh really talking about?"
I looked at his face gauging his facial expression.
"Promise me that you won't get mad."
"Ok. I promise you I won't get mad." He slowed down for a stop light. Once he came to a stop he looked over at me. "And when have you ever known me to get mad?"
"She was asking me what was going on between us. She said that we seem extra close lately and that you have been extra touchy feely with me." I told him exactly what had been said while he and Mike were in the bathroom.
"Oh." He said.
"Oh?" I ask. "You don't think that's a bit odd?"
He shrugged his shoulders.
"I could care less what people think."
I looked at him.
"Can I ask you something and will you answer me honestly?"
I looked out the window. I didn't want to see the expression on his face when I asked him.
"You can look at me you know." He said, not taking his eyes off the road. "I really don't think you can say anything to make me hate you."
I turned and looked at him.
"Why did you kiss me the other night?" I was trying to gauge his reaction, but was having no luck, so I kept going on. "A kiss goodnight on the lips is understandable, but the whole tongue..."
My voice trailed off.
"It felt good." He replied.
We didn't really say much for the rest of the drive home. When we got home, I saw that Daniel's truck was parked next to my car.
He actually had his own key and could come over anytime. Unfortunately Kevin had given one to Eric also.
"It kinda sucks that tomorrow Daniel won't be starting college with us." I told Kevin as I climbed out of his truck.
He got out of the driver's side of the truck and walked to the front door with me.
"Yeah I know."
Kevin opened the door and walked inside the house.
"What's up?" Daniel greeted us.
"Oh just got back from putt-putt golfing, then went to the batting cages, then went to eat with Mike and Haleigh." I replied.
"Cool." Daniel unreclined in the recliner he had been in watching the TV.
Kevin pulled his shirt over his head. "I have to change and get out of these hot clothes."
He headed down the hallway to his room.
"You can thank me later." Daniel said.
"For what?" I asked.
"Eric came by. I know you dislike him as much as I do so I made up a story that you and Kevin weren't coming home tonight so he left." Daniel told me.
"Thanks man." I replied. "I thought he had left already."
"He did. He forgot some of his stuff so he came back."
"Oh." I stated.
Daniel and I chatted for a little bit until Kev came back into the room. He had changed into a pair of athletic shorts and a white t-shirt.
He sat down on the sofa next to me and the three of us watched a movie.
By the time the movie was over, it was after midnight. Daniel got up to leave saying that he had to get up early for work and was tired as it was.
Kevin and I decided to turn in too. I climbed in my bed before Kevin was done in the bathroom and drifted off.
It was dark where I was. I couldn't see anything around me. I could hear voices.
"Check his airway, make sure he is still breathing!" I heard someone shout.
I could feel someone tilting my head back. I could feel it all, but had no control over nothing.
"Apply some pressure to those wounds get something on his head and stomach at once!"
"What's going on?" I heard someone ask.
It took me a few seconds to register the person this voice belonged to. Then it dawned on me it was my aunt.
What was she still doing there?
"I was on my way to see my brother and saw all these cop cars and ambulances here. What happened?" She demanded.
Like you don't already know. I tried to shout it, but I couldn't get anything out. I had to lie there and endure whatever lies she would tell.
"Someone came in here and shot the entire family. They were pronounced dead when we arrived. This is the only survivor. Can you identify him?"
"That's my nephew Ryan." She started sobbing uncontrollably. "Please don't let him die."
I felt someone kiss my cheek then I felt a mouth next to my ear.
"Don't think you are getting away. I don't know how you survived it, but you won't live much longer." I could feel her back off. "I love you so much Ryan." She started sobbing again.
I could make out the sound of tires screeching to a stop and a car door slamming shut.
"What happened?" I heard Kevin shout. "Where is Ryan? Is he ok?"
"I'm sorry Kevin." This time I could make out the voice was Sherriff Bartlett. "We don't know what happened. Someone murdered the whole family. Ryan is barely holding on."
I felt Kevin grab my hand. I felt something wet falling onto my face. Kevin was crying.
"You can't leave me Ry. You just can't!" He sobbed.
"It might be best if you get the bodies out of the house and I can start cleaning it up." I heard my aunt tell someone.
"You leave the house alone!" Kevin shouted. "You probably did this yourself!"
I heard someone get slapped.
"How dare you accuse me of something like that!"
"He told me how you are."
"I'm family." I could feel her place her hand on my stomach wound. She pressed down on it harder. "I would never hurt my family."
I could feel my body start convulsing.
I heard my aunt scream as it sounded like Kevin shoved her to the ground.
The convulsions got harder and harder.
"Ry! Wake up!"
I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I was lying in bed with Kevin next to me. He had awakened me from yet another nightmare.
I reached over to the bedside table and picked up a bottle of water and took a huge gulp out of it.
"Are you ok now?" He asked me.
I nodded my head. "Yes." My mouth was still dry. "Thank you for everything. I thought I had gotten over these nightmares."
He pulled me closer to him. My back was against his chest.
"I never realized that you were there right from the start. She was trying to kill me and you stopped her."
He smiled at me. "Twice actually."
I honestly had no idea. I didn't know she tried to finish me off when they were putting me in the ambulance until my most recent nightmare.
"She tried again in the hospital. I walked in on her with a pillow over your head." He kissed the back of my neck. "I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't like seeing you upset. It's bad enough having the nightmares. I don't want to add fuel to the fire."
I kissed him on his cheek.
"Thank you for everything you have done for me Kevin Coleman Sawyer. I would honestly be dead if it wasn't for you."
"It's no problem Ryan Chad Wilson." He smiled at me.
He then flipped me over onto my back so that he was looking down at me. His blue eyes bearing down into my green.
He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine.
He pulled away and looked at me.
He kissed me again, this time begging me to open my mouth so his tongue could find safety inside of my mouth. I closed my eyes and basked in the moment.
I put my hands under his shirt and started rubbing his back. His skin was so smooth. It felt like that was the place where my hand belonged. I just wanted to lay there and hold him like that forever.
He snaked his hand under my shirt and began to rub my stomach working his way up until his hand was on my nipples. He slowly teased each one of them.
I could feel our erections poking up against each other's legs.
He broke the kiss. I opened my eyes and he had the sweetest look on his face.
"I love you so much Ry. I just don't know how to show it."
So I just wanted to share the links to a couple of other stories I have written. They are not yet complete but I plan on completing them really soon.
Finding Chance- This is the first one I worked on. I started writing it under the name of Wyatt, but I wanted the credit for it here is the link for it
Fairgood- I actually have more chapters written, just didn't get much input on. http://nifty.nisusnet.com/nifty/bisexual/sf-fantasy/fairgood
Until the End- It is a stand alone story http://nifty.nisusnet.com/nifty/gay/beginnings/until-the-end/until-the-end-1.html
And lastly deceptions- I didn't get enough feedback on it so I stopped writing it http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/deceptions/
I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Please feel free to email any thoughts or comments to me at firstname.lastname@example.org I also would like to thank Riley for editing this chapter for me. This is the first chapter of a story that I have ever had someone edit for me.