Diary of an Unrequited Love
Edited by: Danny
"Do you want me to pretend I'm sleeping right now?" I joked.
"Nah. I like you awake during the day time."
I unzipped my backpack and pulled out my folder from humanities. I opened it and took out the project outline.
"You have any ideas?" I asked Kevin ask I looked over the project sheet.
He shook his head.
"So how about we wait until tomorrow to get started? It's not due for another week after all."
He looked me, his signature I-have-something-serious-I-want-to-talk-about look plastered all over his face.
"So how are you?" He asked.
"I'm fine." I replied. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to get short with you like I did."
"It's okay. I understand exactly."
Kevin's phone beeped, alerting him that he had a new text. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.
"Who's that?" I asked inquisitively.
Kevin grinned when he looked up from his phone.
"Danielle." He replied. "She just wanted to know when would be a good time to get together and work on out report for class."
I watched as his fingers moved rapidly across the screen of his phone to reply back to her message.
"Oh." I felt some of the jealousy coming back.
Why did I have to get so jealous?
His phone went off again. He read the new message, this time he let out a little chuckle and smiled.
That was enough for me. I couldn't sit through it anymore.
I crammed my paper back in my folder and stuffed it back into my backpack. I didn't care if it got wrinkled. I zipped my backpack up, stood up and slung it over my shoulder.
"Let's go." I didn't even bother to look at Kevin. "I don't feel good. I'm going to drop you off at work early and then I will be back to get you when you close."
I didn't even bother to wait for Kevin's response. I took off hastily towards the stairs. I could hear Kevin racing after me.
He grabbed my shoulder to stop me. I turned around and looked at him.
"I just don't feel good." I snapped. "My chest hurts."
I just hopped I wasn't being selfish. I loved Kevin and I felt like he loved me and his freaking mixed signals were starting to irk me. This Danielle girl and her fake boobies. I just wanted to take a pin and pop them.
I wasn't lying. I really didn't feel good and my chest did actually hurt.
Kevin followed me outside and across the street to my car in the parking lot.
The drive to Baughman's was mostly silent. Kevin would ask me something and I would either answer with one word or nod my head.
I dropped him off at the front door and waved bye.
I glanced at the time on the dashboard of my car. It was almost 2:40, so Kevin wouldn't have to wait for two long.
I just need to go somewhere and clear my head.
When I made it home, I made a beeline for my bed and just lay there staring up at the ceiling.
I was caught halfway between asleep and awake when a sudden knock on the front door woke me up.
I rolled my eyes as I got out of bed and made my way to the living room to see who was at the door. I peeked out the peep hole on the door and saw Haleigh standing there. Her hand was raised and getting ready to knock again just as I opened the door.
"Hey Haleigh." I greeted her.
"I just got home from school a few minutes ago and saw that your car was here. I was just going to see if you wanted to hang out for a bit."
"Not really." I replied gloomily.
She didn't wait to be invited inside the house. She pushed the door open, walked in and closed it behind her.
"What's wrong?" She placed the back of her hand on my forehead to see if it was warm.
I like it that my friends all cared so much, but sometimes they acted like I was made of glass and would break if they didn't handle me properly. Sure I had almost died two months earlier from a gunshot to the stomach and the head. But overall I was pretty much good as new.
"I'm just not feeling that well today." I replied as I walked over to the couch and sat down.
She walked over and sat down next to me. "Sweetie you don't have to lie to me. I know something is bothering you and I'm here for you hun."
"I just had a rough day that's all."
"Kevin is kinda worried about you." Haleigh commented.
How did she know if Kevin was worried about me or not?
"Well, I had planned on coming over and seeing how yall's first day went if I saw cars over here, but Kevin texted me and asked me to come and check on you."
I turned and looked her in the face. "He did?"
"Yes. He said that you had been moody all day and he was worried about you because you hadn't been sleeping well at night time."
I looked down at the carpet and covered my eyes with my hands. I could feel the waterworks starting. I hated crying. I never used to cry in front of anyone. My emotions were always in check, but now I seemed to always be an emotional wreck.
I felt Haleigh reach over and squeeze my hand.
"I'm here for you. You can tell me anything and if you don't want anyone else to know then no one else will." She got up and hugged me. "I don't like seeing you like this."
"I don't know what to do Haleigh." I cried.
She sat back down and squeezed my knee.
"It's ok. Take your time." She said soothingly.
"Kevin has done so much for me." I took my hands from my eyes and wiped some tears away. "I would be dead if it wasn't for him being there for me until I woke up from my coma." I looked at Haleigh. "Did you know that my aunt tried to kill me again when I was in the hospital? Kevin had left to go to the vending machine and when he came back she had a pillow over my head."
She nodded her head.
"He was pretty upset about that."
"I love Kevin." I told her.
"No. I mean I LOVE him." I repeated.
She smiled. "I get what you mean Ry."
"I know he loves me, but I don't know if he loves me like I love him. I get so many mixed signals from him. One minute he's flirting with me and giving me all kinds of compliments." I cried in between sentences. "That's what started it. I am so jealous. There's this girl that he's partnered up with for an assignment and she flirts with him and he flirts back right in front of me. I mean I know we aren't a couple or anything but it feels like we are already."
"I am not picking sides or anything, but at times Kevin comes across as flirty. It's just Kevin being Kevin." She commented.
"That's what I thought until she started texting him when we were in the library earlier. He started smiling and laughing at her texts."
"You want to know what I think." Haleigh asked.
"I've seen the way you and Kevin look at each other. He looks at you like Mike looks at me. Maybe Kevin does feel the same way about you and just doesn't know how to show it. After all he isn't really one to wear his feelings on his sleeve."
"I dunno Haleigh." I shook my head. "I just don't know what to do anymore."
She patted my knee.
"I think you should talk to him. It won't hurt. He loves you and nothing you could do or say would push him away. He came to see you as soon as he got out of school when you were in the hospital. He would stay there until early in the mornings. He would always stay the entire weekend making it there Friday after school and not leaving until Monday morning."
"Really?" I wiped my eyes. "I had no idea he was there that much."
She nodded her head.
"My best advice would be to talk to him." She suggested.
I felt Haleigh's phone vibrating in her left pocket. She reached in and pulled it out and looked at the screen.
She smiled at me.
"Well speaking of the devil himself." She pressed the talk button on her phone. "Hello." She paused to listen. "Yup he is here with me. Just a sec."
She handed me her phone.
"Hey Ry. You feeling any better?" Kevin asked.
"Maybe a little bit."
"That's good. I couldn't get your on your phone. It just rang and rang and I knew Haleigh might be over there so I called her."
"Left it in my room."
"Ok. Well I was just going to call and check on you. I'm a little busy so I will see you later. Bye."
"Bye." I replied back before I ended the call and gave Haleigh her phone back.
"Do it Ryan. He sounded so worried about you. Don't worry about what other people think either. I don't care if you are gay no more than I care that you have green eyes."
Well, talking to Haleigh really put things into perspective for me. I was being kind of stupid. I knew that Kevin's personality came off as being flirty, but that was just how he was.
She and I sat around for a few more minutes talking until I decided to leave.
I pulled into a parking space at Baughman's. My car and one other were the only cars there.
When I opened the door this annoying buzzer went off to signal that someone had entered the store.
There was a younger blond woman sitting down waiting for her clothes. She had on too much jewelry for her own good and wore a pair of sunglasses.
I walked over to the counter and watched Kevin while he had his back turned to me. He looked amazingly hot from any angle. I was getting a nice glimpse of his bubble butt at the moment.
"Kevin." I said.
He turned around and looked at me. His face was all red. He was blushing from seeing me.
"I wasn't expecting you so early."
"Well I got bored at home."
When he turned back around he bumped the ironing board, knocking the iron onto the floor.
The lady that was waiting jumped up out of her chair and ran to the counter.
"Be careful with that you big lummox. Those are high dollar clothes."
I turned around and glared at her. I was still standing next to the counter, so her view was a little obstructed. She put her hand on my stomach and shoved me as hard as she could.
"Move out of my way."
I fell on the floor. I clenched my teeth together and squeezed my eyes shut in pain. My accident may have been two months ago, but it was still a little tender at times. The lady had placed her hand right on my incision from surgery and it felt like she had stabbed me.
I just sat there with my knees brought up to by chest, hugging my body in pain.
She just stood there dumbfounded looking at me.
Kevin raced from behind the counter. He grabbed my hand to try to help me up.
"Just let me--" I took a deep breath. "--sit here--" I took another deep breath. "--for a minute."
He let go of my hand and turned to the lady. If the look he gave her could kill, then she would have turned into a pile of ashes right there on the spot.
"Leave!" He shouted.
"I'm a customer!" She argued. "I pay your check"
Kevin walked behind the counter and grabbed all of the clothes that he was working on for her. He shoved them all in a clear bag, brought it around the counter, and dropped the bag in front of her.
"Leave the store now."
"You have to finish my clothes." She huffed.
"You can finish your own clothes. Now get of the store or else I'll call the cops and have you escorted out!"
The lady picked the bag up and stormed out the door.
Kevin walked over to me and knelt down in front of me.
"Are you ok?"
The pain had mostly subsided and I regained my breath.
"I'm fine." I told him.
Kevin looked at the door and watched the lady squeal out of the parking lot.
"What an f-ing cunt!" He explained.
"I'm fine now." I replied. "I'm just a little tender there and it felt like she shoved her hand right though my incision."
"You sure you're ok?" He asked me
"I'm fine." I took his hand and he helped me up.
"I'm starving." He rubbed his belly.
"You are always starving. I don't know how you're not fat."
"You want me to order a pizza and we'll share it while you wait for me?"
I felt better. The pain was gone and I didn't feel jealous anymore.
Kevin walked behind the counter and called in the pizza order.
"So do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier?" He asked.
I nodded my head.
"Yes, just not here though. When we get home I will." I promise.
He smiled at me. The pizza arrived a few minutes later.
Kevin sat it up on the counter and opened the box. It was deep dish pepperoni from Pizza Hut, my favorite.
"You sure you're feeling ok?" He asked me as he took a slice of pizza out of the box and took a bite of it.
"Yeah, my stomach is still a little tender." I grabbed a slice of pizza out of the box. "Say to day stuff doesn't bother me, but that hurt like hell."
"That's good." He replied.
I lifted my slice of pizza up to my mouth. Before I could take a bite, Kevin leaned over the counter and took a huge chomp out of my slice, grinning the whole time.
"I don't share my food." I laughed and crammed as much of the slice in my mouth that I could get to fit.
We finished the pizza soon after. I had two and a half slices. Kevin had four slices plus he finished the rest of mine. Where that boy puts all the food he eats still blows my mind.
The rest of the night went by pretty fast. Kevin kept busy working behind the counter, while I sat in a chair playing around on my phone.
I was scrolling through my contacts when I saw some that really hit the spot. Mom cell, Dad cell, Bryson's cell, Mark's cell, and Home were all still left in the contract directory of my phone.
I just couldn't bring myself to delete those names out of my phone. I scrolled to Home and pressed send. I hadn't even tried to call it since everything happened. I hadn't even stepped into the house.
My Aunt Faye on my mom's side had taken care of everything after they died.
I held the phone up to my ear. It rang once.
"The number you dialed is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please hang up and try your call again. Message 14256."
I pressed end and just stared at the screen of my phone.
I didn't realize how long I was staring at the screen until I saw Kevin walk over to the door and lock it. The sound of the lock turning startled me. I looked up at him.
"It's time to lock up." He looked over at me as he back to the counter. "I just have to count the cash register and drop the money in the safe and we're good to go."
` I watched as Kevin popped open the drawer, took the till out of the register and started counting it. When he finished he put all of the money inside a bank deposit bag, walked over to the office door and dropped it in a slot next to the door.
The drive home was quiet again. I didn't have a whole lot to say. Well, I did, but I wanted to wait until we got home to say it all.
I pulled into the driveway and parked next to Kevin's truck.
We both got of my car and walked inside the house. Once we were inside, Kevin pulled off his (well, my) red polo shirt that he had been wearing earlier and tossed it on the back of the recliner.
He walked over to the couch and sat down. I just stood in the middle of the living room looking at him.
He patted the empty spot next to him on the couch, motioning for me to come and sit with him.
I walked over to the couch and sat down.
"So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Kevin asked as he looked over at me.
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.
This was going to be much harder than I thought it would be. I didn't know where to start or what to say.
He scooted closer to me and placed his left hand on my right knee.
"You can talk to me about anything."
"I know." I nodded my head. "I just don't know what to say right now."
"What does it have to do with?" He asked.
"What about us?" He asked.
I covered my eyes up with my hands and looked down at the floor.
Kevin started rubbing my back.
Why did he have to do things like that? Why did he have to be so darn sweet? Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend of all people?
"I love you Kevin." I stated flatly.
"I know Ryan. You mean the world to me dude."
I looked up at him. I know I looked like a mess, but he had the most loving look on his face when he looked back at me.
"Why do you treat me the way you do?" I asked. "Why do you touch me all over? Why do you kiss me?"
He looked me in the eyes, not blinking once.
"I just want you to know how I feel about you." He replied.
"Sometimes I feel like we are in a relationship Kevin." I knew that if I didn't just spill everything at once I would never get it all out. "The way you touch me and kiss me and stuff. I don't know what to take of it. I know most guys aren't as close as we are, but you make me feel so complete Kev. I got so jealous earlier when you were talking to Danielle and she was fawning all over you in class and you were flirting with her. Then when I thought things was better she was still texting you while we were in the library and you were all smiling and laughing at her text. I was so jealous. Sometimes I feel like you feel the same way about me and other times I don't know what to think." I looked down at the carpet. "If you don't feel the same way and you hate me now I will understand."
Kevin stared at me for a minute. He face was twisted in an odd expression.
He placed his hand under my chin and gently raised my head up, turning it to look at him.
"I could never ever in a million bazillion years hate you Ryan." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "The truth is that I love you more than words can say. I just never have been good at expressing my emotions."
He squeezed my hand again. I squeezed his back.
"So you don't hate me?"
I still wasn't sure how he felt. I knew deep down inside that he could never hate me. He always told me how much he loved me and all.
I just didn't know if he loved me like I love him or what.
"This is all new to me you know." He spoke softly.
I nodded my head, letting him know that I was listening and hanging onto his every word.
"If I was flirting with her, I'm sorry." He apologized.
Okay, why was he apologizing?
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer so that I was touching him. We both had shorts on and the skin to skin contact from his leg was electrifying.
"What I'm trying to say, I'm sure you have noticed that I am not that great with words sometimes." He said evenly.
"It's ok." I assured him.
"I love you. I want to be with you. I can't imagine you not being in my life."
Kevin maneuvered himself so that he was sitting on my lap, looking me in my eyes. I could see the awesome sparkle that I loved so much in his beautiful blue eyes.
He placed his hands on the side of my head and held it still. He slowly leaned in and planted his lips against mine.
I parted my lips, inviting him in. He stuck his tongue in my mouth. I sucked on it for a moment.
We stared lovingly into each other's eyes as we kissed.
He wrapped his arms around me hugging me tightly as he took his turn and sucked my tongue into his mouth, sucking on it ever so gently.
He closed his eyes and then broke the kiss. He opened them and blinked for a few seconds then looked me in my eyes
There was no way to describe that kiss. It was sweeter than any chocolate or any other kind of candy. It was so sweet that if I were diabetic, I would have been on the floor in a coma.
"Where do I stand with you?" I asked.
"I want it." Kevin told me. "I want the whole package more than anything. I am so in love with you."
I kissed him tenderly.
"I feel the same."
"I want to be more than best friends with you. I just want to take it slow if that's okay with you. Your friendship means more to me than any relationship. I don't want to ruin our friendship by jumping into things."
I nodded my head. "I understand."
I gently touched his cheek and looked at him, just taking in the sight of the most beautiful guy in front of me. Sure he wasn't all muscled out like most gay guys would want. He was pretty trim with slightly defined muscular arms. He had a perfectly flat stomach, no abs. I didn't care I loved him for him. His personality and being able to look into his sexy blue eyes, that was enough for me.
He leaned over and nibbled my earlobe, then pulled away and looked me lovingly in my eyes. After staring me in my eyes he leaned in and rested his nose against mine.
His breath was tickling my nose the whole time.
We stayed like that for a brief moment before he pulled away.
"How about we turn in for the night?" He suggested. "I am pretty beat and I am sure you are too. Besides, we have to get up early."
"Sounds good to me."
He stood up, and looked down at me. He grinned.
"How about you meet me in my bed in five minutes?"
"You don't have to ask me twice."
I stood up and slapped him playfully on his butt. It was mine. He had said he loved me the same as I loved him.
I went into his bedroom, stripped down to my t-shirt and underwear and climbed under the covers. I waited for him to get done in the bathroom.
Exactly five minutes later he came in his room. He had taken everything off except for his boxers. He had taken his contacts out and had on his pair of thin gold rimmed glasses.
I folded back the covers on the opposite side of the bed and patted the spot for him to come join me.
He climbed into his bed, laid on his back, and stared up at the ceiling.
"You always look really cute and smart in your glasses. I guess looks can be deceitful." I teased.
He poked me in the side.
"Oh hush up."
He took his glasses off and sat them on his desk next to his bed. He pulled the covers halfway up to his chest, leaving the rest of it exposed to me.
He placed his hands behind his head locking his fingers together.
I scooted over and laid my head on his smooth chest. I squirmed for a minute trying to move my neck away from his light brown arm pit hair that suddenly decided to start tickling me.
He turned his head to the left and kissed my forehead.
"I got you into my bed now." He grinned. "Didn't take much effort either."
It felt like everything was back to the way it was. No. It was even better.
"Pssh whatever. I'm not that easy." I joked.
He mumbled something. I couldn't make out what he said.
"Will you be my boyfriend?" He said it a little slower this time.
I felt like I could melt in his arms right then.
I scooted up and kissed him on his lips.
"Does that answer your question?"
All he did was nod his head like a maniac.
He grabbed me and wrapped his left arm around my body, pulling me closer to him. I laid my head back on his chest and fell asleep.
It was a peaceful sleep. It was the first night in a long time that I didn't have any nightmares. All thanks to the guy sleeping next to me...
Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading send any comments or questions to firstname.lastname@example.org thank you