Diary Of An Unrequited Love
By: Richey
Edited by: Danny
Chapter
Four
Don't
get me wrong, I loved Kevin (more than life itself) and he loved me, but being
gay around these parts was and still is looked down on by some people. I don't think most people would be as
accepting as Haleigh.
I
walked over to the passenger side of my car and got in with Kevin. He started up the car and looked over at me
and smiled, almost as if it was a forced smile.
"You
ok?" I asked, seeing through his smile.
He
shifted the car into drive and pulled out of the parking spot.
"There's
something I need to tell you." He looked over me, being sure to keep his eyes
on the road.
I didn't like the sound of
this. His tone of voice didn't sound
very reassuring.
I
didn't want things to end between us before we got a good start. I looked down
at the floor, waiting for the bad news to come pouring out.
"What?"
"I just hope you will forgive me."
Now I was starting to get really worried. What could possibly be so bad that he would worry about whether or not I could forgive him?
I didn't say anything. I just looked over at him, waiting for him to tell me whatever happened and get it over with.
"This morning, when I went to finish up my project with Danielle, something happened." He blinked rapidly. I noticed that this was a habit of his whenever he was nervous.
"What?"
I asked, not showing any emotion in my voice.
"We
went to the library, and made sure everything was okay in our reports. She was standing over my shoulder watching me
write. Next thing I know, she leaned
over and started rubbing her breast against the side of my face. When I didn't respond, she leaned over and
kissed me on the lips and then slid her hand down my front until it was resting
on my crotch. I moved her hand and she got
made and is all like `What are you, a fucking fag or something? Any guy would kill to have me!' I'm so sorry Ryan."
I
looked at Kevin and burst out laughing.
"What
is it?" he asked, still not understanding why I was laughing.
"I
was right. She wanted you." I
leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
"Everyone wants you and I am the only one that gets to have you. I could never be mad at you."
"Really?"
"Yes.
I would have loved to be a fly on the
wall and have seen your reaction."
He
let out a little chuckle.
"You nervous?" I asked.
He
looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.
"About?"
"Our first double date?"
"Not
really." He replied. "I mean Haleigh
knows about us, I just hope Mike is okay with it."
"We
don't have to tell him if you don't want to."
I
wasn't sure if I wanted to say anything or not.
I had just accepted the fact that I was gay and shortly after that, I
had my first boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong, I loved
Kevin infinitely and would do anything for him, but I know that not everyone is
open-minded.
"I'll think about it." He
said.
"Okay."
***
"Looks
like they're already here." Kevin stated as he pulled my car into an
empty parking lot at The Country Inn.
I
could never get tired of this place; the food was so amazing. Not to mention how nice the wait staff was
there.
I
glanced out the window and saw Haleigh's silver Eclipse parked a couple of cars
away.
Kevin leaned over and gave me
a quick kiss on the lips before we got out of the car. I could melt anytime he kissed me.
When we got out of my car, Kevin led the way across the parking lot into the restaurant. We looked around and saw Haleigh and Mike were already sitting at a booth in the back.
We walked over to the booth
and sat across from them.
Kevin
insisted on sitting on the outside of the booth. It was pretty hard to sit next to Kevin while
he was on my right side. He was left
handed so the whole time we would eat our elbows would bump into each other.
"So how are you guys?" Haleigh
asked once we had sat down.
"Good." Kevin and I replied in unison.
A waitress came up to the table
holding a tray with four drinks on them.
She sat our respective drinks down in front of us.
"I hope you dudes don't mind that we ordered drinks for ya." Mike said as
he picked his glass up and took a big gulp out of his coke.
"Nah
it's cool." Kevin replied.
"What
movie do y'all want to see?" Haleigh asked. "I saw previews of The Chase and it seemed
pretty good. I'm sure you guys will like
it."
I had seen previews of the movie also. It was a thriller about a cop that needs money so he works a bank robbery and decides to kill the robber to take all the money. He gets chased across three states until he is finally caught.
Kevin loved those kinds
of movies.
"Sounds good to me." I piped up.
So
it was agreed on that we would go see the movie. Dinner was delicious. Haleigh had a salad, I had pasta, Mike had
steak and Kevin had his ultimate skillet.
When we were done, Haleigh and I walked outside in the parking lot and
waited next to my car for Mike and Kevin to get done paying for diner.
"I
wish Kevin would let me pay for something sometime." I confided in
Haleigh. "I feel so bad that he pays for
my stuff every time."
"There's
no need to feel bad. He wants to show
you how much he loves and appreciates you.
That's all." She told me. "So
have you guys decided if you want to tell Mike yet or not?"
I
shrugged my shoulders.
"I'm
not sure. We talked about it on the way
up here, but it's all so new to us, you know?"
"Yeah." She smiled.
"You know, I'm the only one that knows about you guys. I feel special."
"Glad
I can help." I laughed. "And you
didn't even have to ride the short bus."
I felt someone wrap their arms
around my chest and a chin resting on my shoulder. Haleigh was standing where she could see
behind me and was smiling.
"Did
ya miss me?" Kevin whispered into my ear.
I
could feel my face turning red.
"Maybe just a little." I teased.
Kevin
let go of me and turned me around so I was facing him and Mike.
"Mike. Meet my boyfriend Ryan." Kevin said as
he reached over and squeezed my hand.
I
was a little taken back by this. I know
we had talked about it and I said I was okay with it if he was okay with it. This just caught me off guard.
I studied Mike's facial
expression. It wasn't any different than
it normal was.
"So
you guys made it official?" Mike asked.
"Huh?"
I asked.
"Come
on, I'm not stupid. I've seen you guys
together and honestly no matter how good of friends two guys are, they don't
treat each other like you guys do." He walked over to the back driver's
side of my car. "And I'm fine with it
too. You are the same two dudes that I
have known since the eighth grade."
I should have known Mike wouldn't have had any problems with us. He had lived in California up until he and his family moved when he was in the eighth grade. They are pretty liberal people over there after all.
"I
tried to get Haleigh to tell me, but she never would. I just figured that you would tell me when
you were ready to."
"Thanks
Mike." Kevin said.
I
should have known that Haleigh and Mike would be happy for us: Haleigh loved
and got along with everyone and Mike grew up in California.
We all piled into my car and took it to the movie. The movie was good just like the previews promised, it was just rather long.
During
the movie, I could tell that Kevin wanted to hold my hand, but the theater was
packed. He would brush his hand against
mine and get as close to it as he could without actually holding it.
It was almost one o'clock in
the morning when the movie finished. Kevin and I took Mike and Haleigh back to
Haleigh's car, dropped them off and then headed home.
****
"How was our first official date?" Kevin asked when he first walked through the front door.
I grabbed him and pulled him into my body, planting a big kiss on his lips.
"Amazing."
"You
know, this is all new to me." He grew serious. "I know Haleigh and Mike are okay with us
being together and all, but what will other people think?"
I
kissed him again.
"We
will worry about that when the time comes."
Kevin
took his phone, keys, and wallet out of his pockets and sat him on the
television.
"I
think I am going to go take a shower. I'm
feeling kinda yucky." He started walking down the hallway, then stopped
turned and looked at me. "You mister are
more than welcome to join me."
He
winked at me.
The
offer was very enticing. I had always
imagined myself taking a shower with Kevin.
He
didn't wait for my reply. He disappeared
inside the bathroom.
I
heard Kevin's phone go off alerting him that he had a new text message. We didn't have any secrets from each other,
so I picked his phone up.
It
was from Eric.
"Scored me some pussy tonight tore
that up she begged me to airtight her."
I
clicked delete as soon as I finished reading.
There
was no need to ruin what had been a nice night.
The week had been peaceful without him coming over and talking about all
the pussy he had scored. He was the one
person that I was worried about coming between Kevin and me. I wasn't jealous that something would happen between
them, but I could see Eric trying to convince Kevin what he and I had wasn't
real and that it was gross.
Eric
wasn't shy about voicing his opinion on gay people.
"Ryan!" I heard Kevin
shout my name from the bathroom.
I sat his phone back down on
the television and headed down the hallway.
I opened the bathroom door and
stepped into a room filled with steam. Kevin
loved hot showers and baths. He liked
when I would sit on the toilet and talk to him while he was taking a bath or
shower.
This
time I was going to join him.
I grinned as I thought about
it. I was finally going to get to take a
shower with Kevin Coleman Sawyer.
I
stripped out of my clothes and climbed in the shower and stood behind Kevin.
"It's
about time." He turned around and looked at me.
"Sorry."
He
reached his hand out and touched my stomach tenderly, rubbing his finger across
the huge scar that was slowly starting to form.
"That
looks better." He commented.
"Thanks."
I
had never been one to be too self conscious about anything. I might have been a little guy, but I was
never ashamed to go without my shirt up — until I got shot that
is. I mean who wants everyone to see a
huge scare across their stomach. Kevin
was the only one that had seen it.
He
bent over and kissed the scar on my stomach.
I know this was his way of telling me that it didn't matter to him.
He
turned around, cupped his hands together and let them fill up with water. He then poured the water over my hair and
began to massage my scalp.
I
grabbed him and hugged him, pulling him closer to me. His chest was against my chest. There wasn't a single part of my body that
wasn't in contact with some part of his.
He stopped massaging my head
and leaned down and kissed me.
And
yes, unfortunately he did have to lean down and kiss me: he was almost a half
foot taller than me.
I
pulled his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it, getting very aroused
while doing so. I could tell how worked
up he was getting too. It felt like
someone was taking a hotdog and poking me on my right side with it.
I
heard something, and focused my attention away from the kiss to try and
concentrate on what I heard.
It
sounded like the bathroom door opening.
Nah. No one else was
there. I was hearing things.
I
went back to kissing Kevin. No sooner
than I had done so, the shower curtain was pulled back.
Kevin
and I broke our kiss and looked right at Daniel.
He
looked at us, giving us the most awkward look I had ever seen.
"Uh— I'm going to just go wait in the living
room. Come and get me when you are
done." He turned and headed out of the bathroom.
Needless
to say, the mood was ruined. I could
tell it had ruined the mood for Kevin also, because it no longer felt like I
was being poked by a hot dog.
We
hurried up and showered. When we got out
we dried each other off, then each threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Kevin gave me a peck on the lips and we
headed to the living room to see what our fate was.
When
we walked into the living room, Daniel was sitting in the recliner, relaxed as
ever watching television. He looked over
at us and smiled.
"That
didn't take long." He laughed. "You
didn't have to rush on account of me."
"I
guess there's really no way to explain what you saw in the shower." I
said.
"Uh
yeah there is." He disagreed. "You
guys were about you get you some until I interrupted. Sorry about that."
This
wasn't what I was expecting. Come on he
just walked in on two of his best friends in the shower making out; both of us
as hard as a flag pole. He was acting
like it was no big deal.
"So I was just going to come
over and chill with you guys for a bit." Daniel told us. "I had a date earlier and it ended about
thirty minutes ago."
I studied his expression, as
did Kevin. He didn't have any sign of
being grossed out about what he just saw.
He was even acting like it was no big deal at all.
"You're
making me nervous." Kevin told him.
"You just walked in on me getting my mac on
with another guy, my best friend no less."
Daniel
shrugged his shoulders. "So, what's the big deal?"
"You
mean you're okay with it?" I asked.
Daniel
stood up from the recliner and walked over to Kevin and me. He wrapped his arms around us and pulled us
all into a big group hug.
He
broke the hug, looked at me and kissed me on the lips. Then he kissed Kevin on the lips.
"You
guys are my bros." He said. "That
was to show ya that I don't care. I like
pussy and you guys like dick and that's that."
I
could feel myself getting a little teary eyed but I held the waterworks back. I didn't want to become some kind of gay
cliché and be crying all the time.
"Thanks man." Kevin told
him. "It means a lot."
"Yeah
thanks." I paused and looked at Kevin and then to Daniel. "Um so don't tell anyone else. Mike and Haleigh are the only ones that know
right now."
"I'm
a man of my word." Daniel said. "If
you don't mind, I'm going to crash on the couch. I'm meeting Nick in the morning and we're
going golfing."
I
just shook my head.
"That's
an old people's sport man."
He
just let out a little chuckle.
As
soon as Kevin and I went to bed, I was out.
We
had both been up since six o'clock that morning and it was almost three so we
were both pretty beat.
This
was the fourth night in a row that I hadn't had a nightmare. I was starting to get used to it.
***
Kevin
and I both got up kind of early. Kevin
woke up first, which was highly unusual because he liked to sleep until he
couldn't anymore.
He
wanted me to get up with him so we could spend the morning together. We both had to work later on. I went in at six and he went in at three.
We
decided on sitting around playing video games on Kevin's Xbox.
Daniel had already left when
we got up, so we moved his Xbox to the living room and hooked it up to the
television there. We both sat on the floor in front of the screen.
Kevin paused the game right in
the middle of it, turned and looked at me, giving me the biggest grin ever and
shaking his head.
"You really suck at this."
He
laughed.
I playfully pushed him.
"Do
not."
He
stopped laughing and looked at me.
"Crap!"
He exclaimed.
"What
is it?" I asked.
"I
forgot to do something this morning." He replied.
"What?
He
leaned over and kissed me on the lips.
"I
forgot to kiss you good morning."
I
kissed him back.
"I love you."
"I
love you too." He told me.
He un-paused the game.
No sooner had the game resumed when we heard a key being slid into the
door lock.
"You expecting someone?" We both asked each other at
the same time.
"I'm
not." I replied.
Well,
there were only a few people that had a key.
Kevin, myself, Daniel, Eric and Kristen, Kevin's mom.
The
door opened and Kristen came inside the house.
Steven, Kevin's stepdad followed right behind her.
Kristen and Kevin looked a lot
alike. They both had the same blue color
eyes and brown hair. Kristen's hair had
streaks of gray in it here and there. She
was about my height and was a little on the round side.
Steve
was taller than Kevin. He his gray beard
matched the remaining hair left on his head.
He wore a pair of large silver glasses that covered up most of his face. He looked like he had stepped out of the
eighties.
Steve
closed the door as the two of them stepped inside the house.
Kristen
looked around the living room.
There
was a pair of shorts tossed on the back of the recliner. There were a couple pairs of socks that had
been discarded right in front of the door.
We both had just left out shoes sitting in the middle of the living room
floor.
"This
place is a mess!" She exclaimed.
I
was just glad she hadn't walked in a few minutes ago when we were kissing. That wouldn't have been good.
She
walked into the kitchen and started looking around.
Kevin
and I both got up and followed her into the kitchen. We were expecting her to say something about
the way the kitchen looked but then I took a look inside. There were no dirty dishes in the sink
anymore.
Kevin and I exchanged looks at
each other. Both of us were trying to
figure out what had happened in the kitchen.
"Doesn't look half bad in here." She walked over to
the refrigerator, opened it and glanced inside it. "No alcohol in here."
"Mom
we don't drink." Kevin told her.
He
was right. Neither one of us had ever
even tried it. We both decided that it
just wasn't something we wanted to try until we were older.
"Well
at least it looks like a bunch of teenage guys live here." She commented
as she walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch next to
Steve.
"We
can make it look worse if you want." Kevin said sarcastically.
"Well,
Steven was telling me about his nephew Seth." Kristen said as she looked
over at Steve. "You do remember Seth?"
Kevin
looked at me and rolled his eyes.
I
loved his mom, don't get me wrong. She
had been there for me after everything that happened although she could be a
little judgmental and came off as condescending sometimes.
We
both nodded our heads.
We
had both met him at Kristen and Steve's wedding. He was a sophomore in college. Not a bad looking guy
either. He was a little shorter than
Kevin and had blond hair and brown eyes.
Don't see many people with blond hair and brown eyes.
"Well,
he brought his boyfriend home the other day for George and Macy to meet!"
She exclaimed. "I was
flabbergasted. He just brought him home
and introduced him to his parents like he was a girl. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"
She animatedly shook her head in disgust.
"Two guys having sex is just wrong.
I mean, the pure mechanics of it are disgusting!"
Kevin and I both uncomfortably
looked at each other.
I
guess we knew how she would react if she knew about us.
Steve
kept sitting on the couch silently listening.
"I
think people should be free to love whoever they want mom." Kevin
retorted.
"In
the Bible, God created Adam and Eve." She argued. "There is no good from two men having sex
unless you want AIDS or something else."
Kevin
looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly trying to keep his cool.
I
know that even if Kevin wasn't gay he still wouldn't be like his mom and talk down
about gays.
She
stood up from the couch, Steve followed her.
"Well,
I just came by to check on things. We
are headed to Keith's to visit the kids."
Keith
was Kevin's older brother who lived across town. He was married to his high school sweetheart. They had a four year old daughter and had
just had a little baby boy.
Kevin
walked over to the door and gave his mom a big hug.
"Bye
mom."
"Bye
Kevin." She placed her hand on the doorknob then turned around and looked
at me. "I'm glad you are feeling better
Ryan. I am so sorry about everything
that happened."
I
smiled at her. "Thank you. I couldn't do it without people like you and
your wonderful son and my other amazing friends."
She
opened the door and she and Steve walked out.
I heard her car start up a little bit after that.
Kevin walked over to the door and locked it.
"Sorry
you had to listen to her. I know my mom
means well, but she is just so set in her ways and thinks that her opinion is
the only one that is right."
I
walked over to him and kissed him.
"It
didn't bother me one bit."
He
rubbed his nose against mine and looked me in my eyes.
"I
feel sorry for Seth. There is no telling
what his parents did to him." Kevin said.
"I think he is one of my friends on Facebook; I'm going to message him
later."
I
smiled at him.
"You know that's one of
the things that I love about you." I walked over to the floor and sat
down in front of the television. "You
are always thinking about other people."
He
smiled at me and started blushing.
He
walked back over to his spot on the floor and picked up his controller. Right as he unpaused the game, there was a knocking at the front
door.
He
paused the game and walked over to the window and
looked out. He turned and looked at me,
giving me a bizarre and confused look.
"What
is it?" I asked.
"There
is a Sherriff's car outside."
He
walked over to the door and opened it. Sheriff
Bartlett was standing at the door with a brown manila envelope in his hands.
"Good
morning boys." He greeted us.
"Morning." We both replied in unison.
"I
just need you to sign for these papers." He said as he directed his
attention to me.
I
walked over to the door, where he presented me with a small palm pilot and had
me to sign my name. He then presented me
with the envelope.
"Sorry
about this Ryan. I know you have been
through a lot."
With
that said he turned and walked towards his car.
I closed the door.
"What
is it?" Kevin was sitting on the couch arm watching me.
"I
dunno."
I
opened up the envelope and pulled out some papers. I looked at them and gasped.
"What
is it?"
Kevin
got up and walked behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder to see what I was
looking at.
"Are
you going to be okay?" He asked.
I
nodded my head, trying to give him my best happy face.
"I
knew this day would come. I just was
hoping someone would kill her or something and I wouldn't have to do this."
I said, my voice filled with uncertainty.
Kevin
wrapped his arms around me and hugged me from behind.
"I
will go with you."
I
looked down at the paper again and read the heading:
The Arkansas River Valley District Court hereby subpoenas Ryan Chad Wilson to
testify in the case of the State of Arkansas VS Cynthia Loraine Wilson Boyd on
the day of September 7th, 2012 in the District Court of Arkansas.
"I
will get you through this." Kevin took the papers out of my hand and sat
them on top of the television.
He
turned me around so that we were looking at each other. He kissed me on the nose.
"I
love you and I will be by your side through this. I promise."
It
was those words right there that made me realize that everything would be fine. Well at least I hoped it would be. I knew Kevin wouldn't let me go through this
alone.
He
would be there for me. He would always
be therefore me. After all he did
promise me...
Thank you for reading. As always I love to hear from you guys feel free to email me at rwill161@att.net