Diary Of An Unrequited Love
get me wrong, I loved Kevin (more than life itself) and he loved me, but being
gay around these parts was and still is looked down on by some people. I don't think most people would be as
accepting as Haleigh.
I walked over to the passenger side of my car and got in with Kevin. He started up the car and looked over at me and smiled, almost as if it was a forced smile.
ok?" I asked, seeing through his smile.
He shifted the car into drive and pulled out of the parking spot.
"There's something I need to tell you." He looked over me, being sure to keep his eyes on the road.
I didn't like the sound of this. His tone of voice didn't sound very reassuring.
I didn't want things to end between us before we got a good start. I looked down at the floor, waiting for the bad news to come pouring out.
"I just hope you will forgive me."
Now I was starting to get really worried. What could possibly be so bad that he would worry about whether or not I could forgive him?
I didn't say anything. I just looked over at him, waiting for him to tell me whatever happened and get it over with.
"This morning, when I went to finish up my project with Danielle, something happened." He blinked rapidly. I noticed that this was a habit of his whenever he was nervous.
I asked, not showing any emotion in my voice.
"We went to the library, and made sure everything was okay in our reports. She was standing over my shoulder watching me write. Next thing I know, she leaned over and started rubbing her breast against the side of my face. When I didn't respond, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips and then slid her hand down my front until it was resting on my crotch. I moved her hand and she got made and is all like `What are you, a fucking fag or something? Any guy would kill to have me!' I'm so sorry Ryan."
looked at Kevin and burst out laughing.
"What is it?" he asked, still not understanding why I was laughing.
"I was right. She wanted you." I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Everyone wants you and I am the only one that gets to have you. I could never be mad at you."
"Yes. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall and have seen your reaction."
He let out a little chuckle.
"You nervous?" I asked.
He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.
"Our first double date?"
"Not really." He replied. "I mean Haleigh knows about us, I just hope Mike is okay with it."
"We don't have to tell him if you don't want to."
I wasn't sure if I wanted to say anything or not. I had just accepted the fact that I was gay and shortly after that, I had my first boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Kevin infinitely and would do anything for him, but I know that not everyone is open-minded.
"I'll think about it." He said.
"Looks like they're already here." Kevin stated as he pulled my car into an empty parking lot at The Country Inn.
I could never get tired of this place; the food was so amazing. Not to mention how nice the wait staff was there.
glanced out the window and saw Haleigh's silver Eclipse parked a couple of cars
Kevin leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before we got out of the car. I could melt anytime he kissed me.
When we got out of my car, Kevin led the way across the parking lot into the restaurant. We looked around and saw Haleigh and Mike were already sitting at a booth in the back.
We walked over to the booth
and sat across from them.
Kevin insisted on sitting on the outside of the booth. It was pretty hard to sit next to Kevin while he was on my right side. He was left handed so the whole time we would eat our elbows would bump into each other.
"So how are you guys?" Haleigh
asked once we had sat down.
"Good." Kevin and I replied in unison.
A waitress came up to the table
holding a tray with four drinks on them.
She sat our respective drinks down in front of us.
"I hope you dudes don't mind that we ordered drinks for ya." Mike said as he picked his glass up and took a big gulp out of his coke.
it's cool." Kevin replied.
"What movie do y'all want to see?" Haleigh asked. "I saw previews of The Chase and it seemed pretty good. I'm sure you guys will like it."
I had seen previews of the movie also. It was a thriller about a cop that needs money so he works a bank robbery and decides to kill the robber to take all the money. He gets chased across three states until he is finally caught.
Kevin loved those kinds
"Sounds good to me." I piped up.
So it was agreed on that we would go see the movie. Dinner was delicious. Haleigh had a salad, I had pasta, Mike had steak and Kevin had his ultimate skillet. When we were done, Haleigh and I walked outside in the parking lot and waited next to my car for Mike and Kevin to get done paying for diner.
"I wish Kevin would let me pay for something sometime." I confided in Haleigh. "I feel so bad that he pays for my stuff every time."
"There's no need to feel bad. He wants to show you how much he loves and appreciates you. That's all." She told me. "So have you guys decided if you want to tell Mike yet or not?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I'm not sure. We talked about it on the way up here, but it's all so new to us, you know?"
"Yeah." She smiled. "You know, I'm the only one that knows about you guys. I feel special."
"Glad I can help." I laughed. "And you didn't even have to ride the short bus."
I felt someone wrap their arms around my chest and a chin resting on my shoulder. Haleigh was standing where she could see behind me and was smiling.
"Did ya miss me?" Kevin whispered into my ear.
I could feel my face turning red.
"Maybe just a little." I teased.
Kevin let go of me and turned me around so I was facing him and Mike.
"Mike. Meet my boyfriend Ryan." Kevin said as he reached over and squeezed my hand.
I was a little taken back by this. I know we had talked about it and I said I was okay with it if he was okay with it. This just caught me off guard.
I studied Mike's facial
expression. It wasn't any different than
it normal was.
"So you guys made it official?" Mike asked.
"Huh?" I asked.
"Come on, I'm not stupid. I've seen you guys together and honestly no matter how good of friends two guys are, they don't treat each other like you guys do." He walked over to the back driver's side of my car. "And I'm fine with it too. You are the same two dudes that I have known since the eighth grade."
I should have known Mike wouldn't have had any problems with us. He had lived in California up until he and his family moved when he was in the eighth grade. They are pretty liberal people over there after all.
tried to get Haleigh to tell me, but she never would. I just figured that you would tell me when
you were ready to."
"Thanks Mike." Kevin said.
I should have known that Haleigh and Mike would be happy for us: Haleigh loved and got along with everyone and Mike grew up in California.
We all piled into my car and took it to the movie. The movie was good just like the previews promised, it was just rather long.
the movie, I could tell that Kevin wanted to hold my hand, but the theater was
packed. He would brush his hand against
mine and get as close to it as he could without actually holding it.
It was almost one o'clock in the morning when the movie finished. Kevin and I took Mike and Haleigh back to Haleigh's car, dropped them off and then headed home.
"How was our first official date?" Kevin asked when he first walked through the front door.
I grabbed him and pulled him into my body, planting a big kiss on his lips.
know, this is all new to me." He grew serious. "I know Haleigh and Mike are okay with us
being together and all, but what will other people think?"
I kissed him again.
"We will worry about that when the time comes."
Kevin took his phone, keys, and wallet out of his pockets and sat him on the television.
"I think I am going to go take a shower. I'm feeling kinda yucky." He started walking down the hallway, then stopped turned and looked at me. "You mister are more than welcome to join me."
He winked at me.
The offer was very enticing. I had always imagined myself taking a shower with Kevin.
He didn't wait for my reply. He disappeared inside the bathroom.
I heard Kevin's phone go off alerting him that he had a new text message. We didn't have any secrets from each other, so I picked his phone up.
It was from Eric.
"Scored me some pussy tonight tore that up she begged me to airtight her."
I clicked delete as soon as I finished reading.
There was no need to ruin what had been a nice night. The week had been peaceful without him coming over and talking about all the pussy he had scored. He was the one person that I was worried about coming between Kevin and me. I wasn't jealous that something would happen between them, but I could see Eric trying to convince Kevin what he and I had wasn't real and that it was gross.
wasn't shy about voicing his opinion on gay people.
"Ryan!" I heard Kevin shout my name from the bathroom.
I sat his phone back down on the television and headed down the hallway.
I opened the bathroom door and stepped into a room filled with steam. Kevin loved hot showers and baths. He liked when I would sit on the toilet and talk to him while he was taking a bath or shower.
time I was going to join him.
I grinned as I thought about it. I was finally going to get to take a shower with Kevin Coleman Sawyer.
I stripped out of my clothes and climbed in the shower and stood behind Kevin.
"It's about time." He turned around and looked at me.
He reached his hand out and touched my stomach tenderly, rubbing his finger across the huge scar that was slowly starting to form.
"That looks better." He commented.
I had never been one to be too self conscious about anything. I might have been a little guy, but I was never ashamed to go without my shirt up — until I got shot that is. I mean who wants everyone to see a huge scare across their stomach. Kevin was the only one that had seen it.
bent over and kissed the scar on my stomach.
I know this was his way of telling me that it didn't matter to him.
He turned around, cupped his hands together and let them fill up with water. He then poured the water over my hair and began to massage my scalp.
I grabbed him and hugged him, pulling him closer to me. His chest was against my chest. There wasn't a single part of my body that wasn't in contact with some part of his.
He stopped massaging my head and leaned down and kissed me.
And yes, unfortunately he did have to lean down and kiss me: he was almost a half foot taller than me.
I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it, getting very aroused while doing so. I could tell how worked up he was getting too. It felt like someone was taking a hotdog and poking me on my right side with it.
I heard something, and focused my attention away from the kiss to try and concentrate on what I heard.
It sounded like the bathroom door opening.
Nah. No one else was
there. I was hearing things.
I went back to kissing Kevin. No sooner than I had done so, the shower curtain was pulled back.
Kevin and I broke our kiss and looked right at Daniel.
He looked at us, giving us the most awkward look I had ever seen.
"Uh— I'm going to just go wait in the living room. Come and get me when you are done." He turned and headed out of the bathroom.
Needless to say, the mood was ruined. I could tell it had ruined the mood for Kevin also, because it no longer felt like I was being poked by a hot dog.
We hurried up and showered. When we got out we dried each other off, then each threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Kevin gave me a peck on the lips and we headed to the living room to see what our fate was.
we walked into the living room, Daniel was sitting in the recliner, relaxed as
ever watching television. He looked over
at us and smiled.
"That didn't take long." He laughed. "You didn't have to rush on account of me."
"I guess there's really no way to explain what you saw in the shower." I said.
"Uh yeah there is." He disagreed. "You guys were about you get you some until I interrupted. Sorry about that."
This wasn't what I was expecting. Come on he just walked in on two of his best friends in the shower making out; both of us as hard as a flag pole. He was acting like it was no big deal.
"So I was just going to come over and chill with you guys for a bit." Daniel told us. "I had a date earlier and it ended about thirty minutes ago."
I studied his expression, as did Kevin. He didn't have any sign of being grossed out about what he just saw. He was even acting like it was no big deal at all.
"You're making me nervous." Kevin told him. "You just walked in on me getting my mac on with another guy, my best friend no less."
Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "So, what's the big deal?"
mean you're okay with it?" I asked.
Daniel stood up from the recliner and walked over to Kevin and me. He wrapped his arms around us and pulled us all into a big group hug.
He broke the hug, looked at me and kissed me on the lips. Then he kissed Kevin on the lips.
"You guys are my bros." He said. "That was to show ya that I don't care. I like pussy and you guys like dick and that's that."
I could feel myself getting a little teary eyed but I held the waterworks back. I didn't want to become some kind of gay cliché and be crying all the time.
"Thanks man." Kevin told him. "It means a lot."
"Yeah thanks." I paused and looked at Kevin and then to Daniel. "Um so don't tell anyone else. Mike and Haleigh are the only ones that know right now."
"I'm a man of my word." Daniel said. "If you don't mind, I'm going to crash on the couch. I'm meeting Nick in the morning and we're going golfing."
I just shook my head.
"That's an old people's sport man."
He just let out a little chuckle.
As soon as Kevin and I went to bed, I was out.
We had both been up since six o'clock that morning and it was almost three so we were both pretty beat.
This was the fourth night in a row that I hadn't had a nightmare. I was starting to get used to it.
and I both got up kind of early. Kevin
woke up first, which was highly unusual because he liked to sleep until he
He wanted me to get up with him so we could spend the morning together. We both had to work later on. I went in at six and he went in at three.
We decided on sitting around playing video games on Kevin's Xbox.
Daniel had already left when we got up, so we moved his Xbox to the living room and hooked it up to the television there. We both sat on the floor in front of the screen.
Kevin paused the game right in the middle of it, turned and looked at me, giving me the biggest grin ever and shaking his head.
"You really suck at this."
I playfully pushed him.
He stopped laughing and looked at me.
"Crap!" He exclaimed.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I forgot to do something this morning." He replied.
He leaned over and kissed me on the lips.
"I forgot to kiss you good morning."
I kissed him back.
"I love you."
"I love you too." He told me.
He un-paused the game. No sooner had the game resumed when we heard a key being slid into the door lock.
"You expecting someone?" We both asked each other at
the same time.
"I'm not." I replied.
Well, there were only a few people that had a key. Kevin, myself, Daniel, Eric and Kristen, Kevin's mom.
The door opened and Kristen came inside the house. Steven, Kevin's stepdad followed right behind her.
Kristen and Kevin looked a lot alike. They both had the same blue color eyes and brown hair. Kristen's hair had streaks of gray in it here and there. She was about my height and was a little on the round side.
Steve was taller than Kevin. He his gray beard matched the remaining hair left on his head. He wore a pair of large silver glasses that covered up most of his face. He looked like he had stepped out of the eighties.
Steve closed the door as the two of them stepped inside the house.
Kristen looked around the living room.
There was a pair of shorts tossed on the back of the recliner. There were a couple pairs of socks that had been discarded right in front of the door. We both had just left out shoes sitting in the middle of the living room floor.
"This place is a mess!" She exclaimed.
I was just glad she hadn't walked in a few minutes ago when we were kissing. That wouldn't have been good.
She walked into the kitchen and started looking around.
Kevin and I both got up and followed her into the kitchen. We were expecting her to say something about the way the kitchen looked but then I took a look inside. There were no dirty dishes in the sink anymore.
Kevin and I exchanged looks at each other. Both of us were trying to figure out what had happened in the kitchen.
"Doesn't look half bad in here." She walked over to the refrigerator, opened it and glanced inside it. "No alcohol in here."
"Mom we don't drink." Kevin told her.
He was right. Neither one of us had ever even tried it. We both decided that it just wasn't something we wanted to try until we were older.
"Well at least it looks like a bunch of teenage guys live here." She commented as she walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Steve.
"We can make it look worse if you want." Kevin said sarcastically.
"Well, Steven was telling me about his nephew Seth." Kristen said as she looked over at Steve. "You do remember Seth?"
Kevin looked at me and rolled his eyes.
I loved his mom, don't get me wrong. She had been there for me after everything that happened although she could be a little judgmental and came off as condescending sometimes.
We both nodded our heads.
We had both met him at Kristen and Steve's wedding. He was a sophomore in college. Not a bad looking guy either. He was a little shorter than Kevin and had blond hair and brown eyes. Don't see many people with blond hair and brown eyes.
"Well, he brought his boyfriend home the other day for George and Macy to meet!" She exclaimed. "I was flabbergasted. He just brought him home and introduced him to his parents like he was a girl. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" She animatedly shook her head in disgust. "Two guys having sex is just wrong. I mean, the pure mechanics of it are disgusting!"
Kevin and I both uncomfortably looked at each other.
I guess we knew how she would react if she knew about us.
Steve kept sitting on the couch silently listening.
"I think people should be free to love whoever they want mom." Kevin retorted.
"In the Bible, God created Adam and Eve." She argued. "There is no good from two men having sex unless you want AIDS or something else."
Kevin looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly trying to keep his cool.
I know that even if Kevin wasn't gay he still wouldn't be like his mom and talk down about gays.
She stood up from the couch, Steve followed her.
"Well, I just came by to check on things. We are headed to Keith's to visit the kids."
Keith was Kevin's older brother who lived across town. He was married to his high school sweetheart. They had a four year old daughter and had just had a little baby boy.
Kevin walked over to the door and gave his mom a big hug.
"Bye Kevin." She placed her hand on the doorknob then turned around and looked at me. "I'm glad you are feeling better Ryan. I am so sorry about everything that happened."
I smiled at her. "Thank you. I couldn't do it without people like you and your wonderful son and my other amazing friends."
She opened the door and she and Steve walked out. I heard her car start up a little bit after that.
Kevin walked over to the door and locked it.
you had to listen to her. I know my mom
means well, but she is just so set in her ways and thinks that her opinion is
the only one that is right."
I walked over to him and kissed him.
"It didn't bother me one bit."
He rubbed his nose against mine and looked me in my eyes.
"I feel sorry for Seth. There is no telling what his parents did to him." Kevin said. "I think he is one of my friends on Facebook; I'm going to message him later."
I smiled at him.
"You know that's one of
the things that I love about you." I walked over to the floor and sat
down in front of the television. "You
are always thinking about other people."
He smiled at me and started blushing.
He walked back over to his spot on the floor and picked up his controller. Right as he unpaused the game, there was a knocking at the front door.
He paused the game and walked over to the window and looked out. He turned and looked at me, giving me a bizarre and confused look.
"What is it?" I asked.
"There is a Sherriff's car outside."
He walked over to the door and opened it. Sheriff Bartlett was standing at the door with a brown manila envelope in his hands.
"Good morning boys." He greeted us.
"Morning." We both replied in unison.
"I just need you to sign for these papers." He said as he directed his attention to me.
I walked over to the door, where he presented me with a small palm pilot and had me to sign my name. He then presented me with the envelope.
"Sorry about this Ryan. I know you have been through a lot."
With that said he turned and walked towards his car. I closed the door.
"What is it?" Kevin was sitting on the couch arm watching me.
I opened up the envelope and pulled out some papers. I looked at them and gasped.
"What is it?"
Kevin got up and walked behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder to see what I was looking at.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked.
I nodded my head, trying to give him my best happy face.
"I knew this day would come. I just was hoping someone would kill her or something and I wouldn't have to do this." I said, my voice filled with uncertainty.
Kevin wrapped his arms around me and hugged me from behind.
"I will go with you."
I looked down at the paper again and read the heading:
The Arkansas River Valley District Court hereby subpoenas Ryan Chad Wilson to testify in the case of the State of Arkansas VS Cynthia Loraine Wilson Boyd on the day of September 7th, 2012 in the District Court of Arkansas.
"I will get you through this." Kevin took the papers out of my hand and sat them on top of the television.
He turned me around so that we were looking at each other. He kissed me on the nose.
"I love you and I will be by your side through this. I promise."
It was those words right there that made me realize that everything would be fine. Well at least I hoped it would be. I knew Kevin wouldn't let me go through this alone.
He would be there for me. He would always be therefore me. After all he did promise me...
Thank you for reading. As always I love to hear from you guys feel free to email me at email@example.com