Date: Sun, 02 Oct 2011 10:28:10 +0200
From: Azula Sherry Noise <azulasherry@gmx.ch>
Subject: Andrew's strength chapter 9

Andrew's strength chapter 9

"Julian is already asleep?" I asked.

"Yes. And your father isn't home yet. He had to stay longer." Jessica
answered.

"I see. I can't believe I came too late to say goodnight."

"He was really worried about you and told me to wake him up if you came
home."

"Are you sure? He needs his sleep."

"Yes, but I had to promise him." Jessica said with a smile and I nodded and
then went to Julian's room. I only put on the small light and then looked
at Julian's cute, sleeping face.

"Jules." I whispered and caressed his cheek and he opened his eyes.

"Andy. You're home."

"Yes. And now get back to sleep."

"Okay." He said with a small smile, closed his eyes again and was asleep
the next second. I turned around and saw Jessica at the door. For a second
I thought I'd seen a tear in her eye but it was probably just my
imagination.

"Andrew, can we talk for a second?" She asked when we were both downstairs.

"Of course." I said even though I was a little uncomfortable. I hadn't
talked to her very much until now. She made us both some hot tea and we sat
down in the living room.

"I'm really happy we got to know you." She began. "I couldn't wish for a
better brother for Julian than you. He opened up to you so fast and you
seem to really love him."

"I do. He's so cute and I always wanted a brother."

"Yes. Well, how's it going at college?"

"Fine." I answered.

"I talked to your father about you and I can see that he's really proud of
you."

"Proud?" That had never occured to me. Why should he be proud?

"Yes, proud. I don't know all of your history. He said I should ask you
about your past. He seems to be really sorry for neglecting you and
everything. But you were so strong and fought - and I don't only mean with
your fists - to survive. And look what a great young man you are now."

"Thank you." I said, a little embarassed by all her compliments. "I had
help. I don't know what he told you but I was bullied for most of my life
and was really lonely. But it's so much better now."

"So you don't have a problem with me being your fathers new wife?" She
asked.

"Well, no. I was definitely surprised by your age at first but you're nice
and your cooking is good."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"Do you want to come with Julian and me tomorrow? I thought we could go to
the amusement park."

"That would be great."

"Oh, I always wanted to ask you how you met my father."

"How I met your father..." She grinned. "Should I do it like in the series
'how I met your mother'?"

"Oh, please no! We'd be here until... well, for years."

She laughed. "True. Well, our story isn't too interesting. We actually met
at a business meeting. He was the big boss everyone looked up to and I was
the journalist for that magazine and wrote an article about him. I
collected a lot of material and also found out that he had a son but I knew
that he was a real workaholic and honestly, I didn't really want to write
about him because of that. But it was my job and I wanted to get the
article done as soon as possible."

I smiled a little, wondering what made her change her opinion of my father,
how she fell in love with him.

"After the meeting I got myself a drink and then wanted to go. But as I
turned around I bumped into someone and well... spilled everything over
your father's suit. But he wasn't pissed, he just took his handkerchief and
began to rub his suit while I was completely embarassed and apologized. He
was a real gentleman and I was really sorry and offered to pay the suit but
he just shook his head. So I invited him for a coffee and he agreed."

"And that's when you fell in love with him?"

"Not really. We met and talked and I got to know him better and realized
that he wasn't as bad as I thought he was. And his looks were good as
well. But I never really thought of dating after my husband left, and
Julian and my work took a lot of time."

"Then how did you meet again?"

"He called and asked me out for a coffee two weeks later and I agreed. From
then on we met almost every week for a coffee and during this time it just
happened. Love isn't really something you can direct. It often comes
unexpected and when it comes, it's a strong feeling and you can't just
ignore it." She said and I could only agree with her. There was no way I
would be able to just forget Joey. If I really had to because he really
didn't like me at all, I'd have to accept it but it would still take some
time to get over him.

---oOo---

"I'm sorry." Joey said. He wasn't smiling and even though he wore his
glasses I could tell his eyes were cold.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For you."

"What?"

"You're going to die." I could feel his hatred. He hated me?

"How?" Why was I asking those questions so emotionless?

"Like... this!" He said and suddenly his hands were around my necks. I
could feel his fingernails. My feet felt heavy and I couldn't move.

I couldn't breathe.

Air!

I gasped and opened my eyes. I was in my room. No Joey.

Still trembling I laid back down. No Joey. On one side I was relieved but
on the other disappointed. It would be nice to wake up next to him. Well,
not to a Joey that wanted to kill me of course.

It was still very early but I couldn't fall asleep anymore so I got up and
went to my trainings room.

When the others woke up we ate breakfast and Julian looked at me with a
huge smile. He said he wasn't sure at first if I really had come home that
day and just couldn't stop smiling. He was just too cute.

In the afternoon we went to the amusement park with Jessica and it was just
great. Julian wasn't scared of roller coasters and we had a blast.

On sunday we all went out to eat together and my father talked a lot it
really surprised me. He knew a lot of funny stories and I regretted a
little I never got to hear them as a child. How nice it would have been if
he'd told me those stories before sleeping.

Time passed way too fast and soon it was monday again. I was sitting with
Laura, Sarah and their friends again. One of the guys, Josh, was really
cool and I liked talking to him. Laura had assured me that they were all
cool and wouldn't mind me being gay and when we told them their only
reaction was: "Oh, cool." and from Josh: "You take it up your ass?"

Laura just laughed but I was a little embarassed and didn't know if I
should tell them I was a virgin. Josh just grinned and said: "Dude, it's
alright. I don't have a problem with it."

I was really glad to know them.

"Did you talk to him, yet?" Josh asked, knowing almost everything that
happened between Joey and me.

"Well, yes, kinda. But I still don't know the truth."

"He's just acting so stupid because he can't see how good Andrew's
looking." Sarah said.

"Don't be stupid." That was Laura. "I'm sure it's going to work out
somehow. And if not, you could get every gay guy and straight girl on
campus."

"That's definitely an overstatement." I protested.

"Not really. You don't see the looks you get from... oh..." She stopped
talking.

"What?" I asked.

"Your little crush is coming this way." Laura said.

"What?" And before I could turn around I heard that voice that even
followed me into my dreams.

"Hello Andrew."

"Hi..." I slowly turned around and tried not to gasp. Did he have to look
so gorgeous?

"Can we talk?" Joey asked.

"Sure."

"I mean somewhere else."

"Sure. Sorry guys, see you later." I said and they all waved and Josh gave
me an encouraging smile.

I followed Joey and as soon as we were outside, he began to talk.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I brought you. I thought a lot this weekend
and also talked to Shane. And..." He swallowed once and then said: "I'd
like to tell you the truth."

For a moment I didn't know what to say. I'd tried so hard to get to know
the truth and now he was going to tell me whatever he'd been hiding since
the beginning. "W... wow."

"Shall we sit down?" He asked and I nodded. Before I even realized that he
couldn't see my nod, he already sat down at a bench.

"Andrew... first I want to tell you that I love you. No, don't say
anything. You can say what you wanted to answer after I finished - or not."

"Okay." I said even though I really wanted him to know how much he meant to
me and how much I'd come to like him in the short time since we met.

"You... I... You remember how I told you I was an evil kid and that I
thought my blindness was punishment?"

"Yes."

"Erm..." He was quiet for a while and he probably searched for the right
words.

"Take your time." I said.

"Okay. I should tell you how everything began. I really was an evil kid, a
real bully. I loved making fun of others with my gang and... well, there
was this boy, pretty boy. He was constantly on my mind. And at first I just
called him names because I wanted to get his attention. But then something
happened... at a birthday party. I was getting confused about my feelings
and didn't know what to do so I did what I was best at. I started beating
the kid and let out my anger about the feelings that I thought were
wrong. I didn't think about what the boy had to suffer because of me. I
only thought of myself and wanted to get rid of those scary feelings. Later
the kid moved away and I realized that I loved him. I tried to forget him,
went out with a lot of girls and had fun with them but he was always
there. My first love. Years later I met this kid that had grown into an
incredibly strong guy, again. I never told him my whole name. It's Joey
Black. I still love that guy... but if I were him, I'd hate myself."

...

I sat there in shock. My alarm had begun to ring when Joey had said 'pretty
boy'. That was what Black - Joey! - had called me.

Joey was Black?

How could that be?

My thoughts were a mess and I did the one thing that I could think of. I
stood up and walked away.

---oOo---

I skipped afternoon classes and laid on my bed for a long time, trying to
get my thoughts in order. They were whirling around and I couldn't think
straight at all and I heard everything that Joey said again and again and
again.

After a while, I don't know how long, I realized that the boy I loved was
the boy I hated for years. How ironic was that? I didn't even know!

Hadn't there been signs? Signs that Joey was Black? Hadn't he said so many
little things that should have made me realize who he was? That we knew
each other from years ago.

I had felt as if we knew each other... that strange feeling, it made sense
now. But what now? Did I still hate Black?

I had forgiven him a while ago. And I'd also forgiven Marc.

It would be really strange to go out with Marc whom I beat up when I was
finally strong enough. But Marc wasn't Black. Joey was Black.

He said he beat me because he was confused? Why do something that cruel?
Were all children like that? Did Marc beat me because he was confused?
Surely not. Why did I constantly compare Marc and Black - Joey?

Joey said he loved me. For a long time.

And when I took his glasses off last friday I could see how hurt he was
inside. But...

And back then...

Back then?

"Shit!" I yelled and hit the wall next to my bed. Why did everything have
to be so complicated? Why couldn't I just love someone I'd never seen in my
whole life?

Why couldn't it just be a nice, cute guy that had a boring past?

Why?

And did I still love him? Love didn't just go away, that's what I talked
about with Jessica.

Before Joey told me everything I wanted to tell him I loved him but he
stopped me... Did the fact that he was Black change everything? All my
feelings?

I was an asshole!

I just walked away without any explanation, not saying a word!

I had to talk to him. But I needed a little more time.

I remembered Nick. He had been so hurt by Jason, his boyfriend. Yet he
loved him even though he called him an asshole.

I decided to call him. He could probably help me.

---oOo---

"Andrew! How are you?" Nick said and his voice was really comforting.

"Hi Nick. You?"

"I'm fine but you don't sound too good. Did something happen?"

"Yes... do you have some time?"

"Of course. I'm listening."

"Thank you. You see, there is this guy I told you about in my
mails... Joey. And he..." I told him everything and I felt how I quiet down
and how good it felt to tell someone. Nick didn't say much and mostly just
listened.

"And now I'm not sure what to do." I finished my story.

"Wow, that must have been a shock." He said.

"Yes."

"But as you said you forgave him. I don't think it would work if you still
hated Black for what he did. And I don't know if you realized it but you
always said Black when you meant Joey back then and Joey when you meant the
guy you met at college."

"Oh..."

"I don't think that you think of them as the same person and that's why
it's such a huge shock for you. But it's also good because honestly, it
sounds as if Joey changed a lot and isn't the same person as back then. And
if you love him you should just tell him."

I nodded.

"Did you just nod?" Nick asked.

I smiled a little. "Right. Sorry."

"No need to say sorry."

"You're really a great help."

"Glad to hear that though I didn't do much."

"You listened to my problems. And this is actually the first time I ever
told someone so much about my feelings."

"I'll always be here for you."

"Thanks. The same goes for me."

"I know." He said.

"So you and George are doing good?"

"Yes. We're sharing a small apartment."

"Ahh..."

"Don't get any dirty thoughts."

"Too late." I answered and he laughed.

"Well, you definitely sound better now."

"I feel better."

"Call me again when you got more news. I want to hear how this is going to
end."

"I will."

"Good. Well, you probably didn't realize it but a lot of time passed and I
have to go."

I glanced at the clock and saw that we'd talked for more than half an
hour. And since we weren't girls this was a really long time.

"Yes. Thanks again."

"You're welcome."

"Mmh. Bye."

"Bye."

I put the phone away and didn't move for a few seconds. Suddenly I felt a
presence behind me, turned and saw Nate's shocked face.

"Nate..." I managed to say, not sure how much he heard. But from the look
on his face it was enough.

"You... you're a fag. You fuck guys!" He said with an unbelieving
expression.

Before I could say anything he yelled: "I can't believe I've been sleeping
in the same room with a fag for weeks. Hell, we slept in the same bed! Get
out of here!"

Now I was getting pissed. "You shut your mouth. I'm not going
anywhere. It's my room and if you're not happy with me you can change
rooms. And I've never been interested in your scrawny ass so don't even
think that I ever looked at you that way. And now get out of my eyes. I
have enough problems even without you being such a homophobic idiot!"

I guess my eyes looked quite scary because he flinched a little and then
left the room without saying anything. I massaged the side of my head
because my head hurt and then got out to talk to Joey. Actually I didn't
really want to right now and thinking a little longer would have probably
been good. But I'd been a real asshole and I didn't want this situation to
stay that way.

Joey obviously wasn't sitting on the bench anymore and so I went to his
dorm and knocked but noone answered the door.

I then tried to call him but I also couldn't reach him. I walked around on
the huge campus and then remembered that he had afternoon classes and got
myself a coffee. Later I went by his room again but he still wasn't there
and so I went back, not really knowing what to do.

He could be everywhere, the campus was huge. When I got back to the room Bo
and Tyler were there.

"Hi."

"Hi Andrew."

"Do you know what happened to Nate?" Bo asked.

"Why?"

"Well, he came to us two hours ago, really pissed off and told us he wanted
us to throw you out of the apartment."

"Oh." I couldn't believe how stupid he acted. "Did he tell you the reason?"

"Yes, but we wanted to ask you first."

"Then yes, I'm gay."

"I see." Tyler said and then smiled. "I think Nate's the problem. We surely
won't throw you out of here just because you're not into girls."

"Thanks guys."

They smiled. "Did something happen?" Bo asked after a while. I was sitting
restlessly on the couch, unable to do anything.

But before I could say anything the toor flew open and Shane came
inside. "Shane." I said and wanted to ask him if he had seen Joey but then
I saw his angry face.

"You asshole!" He yelled and punched my face. Could this get any worse?


---oOo---

Okay guys, that was chapter nine. In my opinion it was better than the last
chapter... I hope you enjoyed.

I'm having a lot of guys-trouble right now as well (a little different from
Andrew's problems of course) so I really enjoyed writing this chapter =)

I'd love to hear your opinion and you can contact me at azulasn@yahoo.com.
I also have a yahoo group where I'm posting the chapters first.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/azulastories
I wish you all a nice week.
Azula