Date: Wed, 22 Apr 2015 20:14:29 +0100
From: Sam Bam <mansambambam@gmail.com>
Subject: Angsty Alexander chapter 8

Angsty Alexander part 8


None of the characters in this story are real or based on anyone real.

Please donate to Nifty http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html so the stories
can continue to entertain.

This part has a bit of a rehash of what has gone before, finally hearing
some of Jays side of things.


Alexander

Blondie and Eric left to walk back to campus and Jay and I were left alone.

"Ready for the big talk Jay?" I asked.

"I'm scared" he looked up at me with his big eyes and as usual I melted.

"I honestly feel a bit dumb bringing it all up now. Given we've been
getting on so well. Quite honestly I'd like to drag you upstairs and fuck
you til the stars come out and pretend it's 2 months ago." I said, being
far too honest.

"I think Blondie will kill you or me rather if he finds out we've been
fucking not talking. It's not that I don't want to." Jay sighed.

We went up to the top of the house.

We shook out the blankets I brought with me and lay down.

 "I'm going to kiss you, just in case you hate me after this. I want to
remember your amazing kisses." I said pushing Jays hair out his eyes and
leaning forward.

Jay smiled, we kissed.

"I love you, anything I say now is not a deliberate attempt to hurt you. I
want a chance to explain things and I need some answers from you." I
explained.

"Okay, I love you too." He kissed me again.

"I knew I loved you after about 3 days. I knew I was in serious like when
you let me kiss you when we were out buying stuff for our room. I'm sorry I
didn't say it then." I began.

"I told you from that first wiggle I was planning my life with you. That
shopping trip is one of my favorite memories. I felt we were any normal
couple making a home together. " Jay butted in.

"I know that first week I was up and down, I was determined to explore who
else was out there so flirted with Felix and Peter and probably loads of
random guys I liked the look of. I knew it was no good, I should stop
treating you so casually and show you I was serious." I continued.

"You had me so insecure that week, and the feeling didn't really leave, I
was always waiting for you to leave me." Jay said sighing and looking so
sad.

"I was in your bed every night. I stopped flirting. I did your damn
laundry. You were the one telling everyone we weren't a couple. I'd always
been confident with guys but you had me questioning myself, just like you I
was always expecting to find out you had someone else." I was getting
angry.

"We were stupid. We lost so much time. I knew you loved me, you knew I
loved you we just deprived each other of hearing it out loud. Heck I told
everyone else how much I loved you and how much I wished you'd call me your
boyfriend." Said Jay.

"Yeah I heard that recently from Eric and Blondie, I had no idea. Explains
why I was always the bad guy." I said still grumpy.

"I'm sorry." Jay said quietly.

"Well I was, but you were no saint Jay as Blondie always says." I said.

"He hates me." Jay moaned.

"No, he's just the one who eventually took my side. So at the uh BJ party I
was mad at you for leaving me hanging and I was jealous sharing you. Then
at the diner you went off on one about us not being a couple. Blondie knew
I was upset, he was mad at you on my behalf. I'd just been the first guy to
make him cum, he was feeling closer to me. I was upset you were flirting so
much and I know now this isn't the case but I thought you had been fucking
Felix on the side." I explained

"Seriously? I wasn't with Felix until you cheated. I was mad at you too. I
wanted you to declare you were my boyfriend in front of everyone, I was
thinking of giving up on us if you didn't. I've no idea why I didn't just
ask you to be mine. Yes I was flirting, I was trying to make you fight for
me, show you wanted me." Jay angrily told me.

"Were you ever happy with me? Or was the lack of status always a problem?"
I asked, sad I'd got everything so wrong.

"I was often happy, all the time when we were alone, every night in bed. I
was crazy in love but you were so closed off. Of course now I feel guilty
about all those family questions I asked." Jay explained.

"Not your fault, if I'd said they were dead you might have shut up or you
might have gone on asking how, where, why, and it's been 6years but my Mom
will always be hard to talk about." I said.

I took a breath.

"So after the diner you were asleep when I got back from the bathroom and I
slept in my own bed. I was so mad at you and I didn't want to forgive you
yet. Sleeping alone was punishment for both of us. I got up and showered, I
saw Blondie jacking off and I joined him, he knew I was upset and wanted to
comfort me. When you caught us I knew from the look on your face that you
didn't have anyone else. I convinced myself that once you calmed down I
could tell you how much I loved you and you'd take me back.

But it was too late you were with Felix before I could even speak to
you. That was the worst month of my life and it was all my own fault. Now I
understand why you were upset, and I accept Felix took your side, but why
did you get Peter, Aaron and Eric to ditch me?" I pleaded.

"I didn't. Felix was a bitch, ripped you daily to the others. And I guess
from all my previous moaning about you everyone thought you were already
the bad guy, until that day you went mental at lunch. Jamie really let
Felix have it for that one and my feelings for him vanished. I'm so sorry
he spoke to you that way and I didn't say anything to stand up for you. I
was too embarrassed to move.  Then when you started ranting at me I
realized you were right, so much of our relationship was in my head. We
were so shit at talking." Jay bravely gave me his side.

"We were very bad at communicating. We were good in bed though. Did you
really only top Felix?" I asked curious and ready for a break from the
serious stuff.

"Yup."

"Were you versatile with Peter?"I probed.

"Yeah, it was good with Peter, until thanksgiving." said Jay.

"Was Peter rough with you? Sorry that's a bit personal." I was still
curious about what might have been if Id gone after peter or Felix more
seriously.

"You know I'm totally vanilla, sometimes I thought he wanted it rougher but
I think he got that from Aaron. I've no idea when they fitted it in as Eric
and I were always around." Jay mused.

"You never wanted to top me." I said coyly.

"I thought you were strictly a top and anyway why would I when you were so
willing to give me your big dick? Our sex life was perfect for me. You
encouraged me to get off when you were too tired, but we still did loads
together, I rarely jerked off alone when I was with you. You loved it, I
loved it, it was all over our faces. From the first time it was always
wholly pleasurable with you." Jay said grinning, turning me on.

"Stop being so damn sexy. Can we take a break before the next bit? It's the
most difficult part for me."

 "You should have ordered takeout, egg rolls, mmmmm" Jay groaned.

"Oh god you fed Peter my Thanksgiving egg rolls didn't you."I pouted some
more.

"I'm so sorry, I totally did, they were yummy and she hid them under carrot
sticks in the box, so cool."Jay said grinning.

"I hate you." I joked.

"It's okay. Mamma Cat will cater our wedding, 3 courses of egg rolls and a
wonton wedding cake." jay laughed

"Wedding, we're barely friends right now." I said.

"Ahh we might not get back together today but you know we will be one day
and when we do that'll be it for us." Jay grinned.

"You just want me for my money." I said petulantly.

"And your big cock."

"Great and I'm getting a poor husband with a little dick." I grinned.

"Pfft you love me. If this next bit is going to be difficult maybe we need
to make out some more." Jay wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

I couldn't resist. He was being charming and making things far easier than
I imagined. I was so busy blaming him I'd forgotten how shit I'd been. We'd
both been idiots. We kissed for maybe half an hour. It was glorious. Though
I also had Blondie in my head telling me to stop messing about and get on
with it.

"Okay. I don't want to go through the ins and outs anymore so I'll just ask
the big question. Why did you stop talking to me and chuck me out the room
after I told you I loved you?" I blurted out in a rush, I was so scared of
the answer.

Jay doesn't speak. He looks confused then starts tearing up.

I wait for him to speak, I can't comfort him, I need real answers.

He wipes his own tears.

"That is what it's all about? Why Blondie hates me, why Eric was in your
bad books? It's why you won't take me back. It's what those guys need you
to straighten things out with me?" Jay says so quietly he barely gets the
words out.

He breathes in and I wait.

"From what you said earlier, you thought Peter and I would spill your
secret if you didn't move rooms? Did he threaten you?" Jay asks, a little
more steady.

"No, none of you spoke to me about it. Only Eric really and by then it was
a done deal. I had study group that morning. I left you a soppy note on the
fridge, telling you how much I loved you and couldn't wait to see you
later. I really thought you'd forgiven me and we could be together." I said
trying not to get too upset.

I stop to try and compose myself.

"I had a bunch of weird texts from Eric thanking me and telling me he'd
introduce Clifford. I had no clue what was going on. In the dining hall
Aaron said something I didn't understand, then Clifford was saying welcome
to the room and you were kissing Peter. I couldn't be mad at you for
choosing him, I was jealous as hell, but you were free to do that. But to
not acknowledge the letter or to even mention you were unhappy with me
being in the room, to not speak at all, it felt so cruel. I just had no
clue what I did wrong, why you suddenly hated me so much. How could you do
that to me?" I ran out of steam sobbing.

Jay looks at me panicked then terrified.

"You didn't do anything wrong." he finally said, so coldly I barely
recognize him.

"Nothing? You rejected me, smashed up my heart, just because? For revenge?"
I spat getting angry again.

"There's nothing else to say. I'm going back to the dorm. I'm sorry we
couldn't work things out." Jay looked at me blankly and ran down the
stairs.

"Jay please."

I chased him down the stairs and caught his hand.  I could see the pain in
his eyes, I knew he hadn't meant to hurt me, I just needed to know what
happened.

"Jay please, I need to know your side. What happened? Did Aaron tell you I
wanted to move?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Did you think it was weird I'd called him and not you, or even Peter?" I
continued.

"Peter said you'd freaked out before when you two had sex. I thought you
were freaking out again and couldn't face us." Jay started to explain.

"But you were too busy with Peter to bother to call me and see if I was
okay?" I snapped.


"I was giving you space. We were only just speaking again. Anyway I hadn't
even invited Peter to move in. Aaron said you wanted to move out, that you
were happy for me and Peter. I thought it was a bit weird you were pushing
us together but I thought it meant you'd moved on. That maybe your 'I love
you' meant goodbye, not let's try again.  I went up to the room to find
you, but your stuff was gone and you were avoiding me again. I never saw
your note" Jay explained.

"Did I have a chance that night or were you and Peter already together?" I
asked, trying to pull myself together.

"You had a more than a shot, I was dreaming of it, planning the future
again. Told myself off for getting ahead of myself again.  After I was
convinced you'd freaked out and didn't want me, Peter was there telling me
he'd liked me for ages, that he loved me, that he wanted to be my
boyfriend. Everything I'd ever wanted to hear from you. I was flattered, he
is so hot, so I jumped in and decided to try a fresh start with someone
new." Jay explained, his eyes pleading for understanding.

"I wish I'd skipped my study group, I didn't worry about leaving you guys
together, I had no idea you were that into him. You'd never mentioned it
before. I thought you thought he was a prick." I said pained at the missed
opportunity.

"I told you I was flattered. Then I got to know him and fell for him fast,
until Thanksgiving he had seemed the model boyfriend. It was only at the
end I realized how strong Aarons hold on him was, I should have known from
Erics warnings." Jay explained.

"I'm sorry, you're worth so much more than us cheaters." I said feeling so
bad for ever hurting him, for starting the mess.

"I've long forgiven you, I don't even blame Peter, Aaron played so many
mind games, however I'm not going to be a walkover again." Jay was being
firm.

"Good, you know I like feisty Jay best. I've hated seeing you so lost." I
admitted.

"What now?" Jay asks "I mean, I love you, I want you. You say you love me
but you've been pursuing Harry and fooling around with Blondie. Can I trust
you now? Is there a chance for us? I really want to try us." Jay asks.

"I'm sure I still love you, I don't think you deliberately hurt me, you
didnt handle things well but I was shit too. But I think you need some time
alone, I cant be another rebound guy for you. If we give it another go it
needs to be right. I think we both need to be the strong guys we used to
be, then we could maybe take it slow." I say, breaking my own heart and
trying to be strong.

"I will be that guy for you." Jay looks up determined.

"Do it for you, not for what might be with me. I wont go for Harry or carry
on anything but friendship with Blondie." I tell him holding him again.

"I've demands too." Jay grins.

"Demands?" I ask grinning.

"We don't let anything fester again. No hiding away. We talk to each other
not anyone else. You damn well answer my questions. We have, have, have to
communicate. We cant have secrets and misunderstandings." Jay says
forcefully.

I giggle and kiss him.

"Once a week we have date night, just you and me, platonic or as lovers,
doesn't matter who we are dating once a week it's just you and
me. Tuesdays." Jay continued.

"I'd like that." I say.

I kiss him again. I'm so damn weak around him, my resolve to wait is
crumbling by the second.

"Jay, can we have one more night together?" I ask.  "Please"

I make love to him with all that I have until dawn.

We get up groggy, hail a cab back to the dorm, showered and said our
goodbyes as Jay headed to the airport.  I tearfully packed up my dorm room
then cabbed my stuff back over to the house.

Sal had set up meetings with several contractors who went through my ideas
and added their suggestions. They would all send through costings,
time-frames and availability.  I knew the one I liked most and hoped they
were available.

I told Sal.

"Good, that was my little brother. He'll make time."

"Thanks for today, it's a bit outside your job description. I really
appreciate it." I hug her then I hand over a gift box with a fancy handbag
in.

"I love it, thank you. I'm afraid there is business too. I know you'll be
in the office next week but here's some reading for the plane. 3 scripts, 1
is the sequel to the zombie flick with you as the new lead. One is a big
budget teen comedy, you'd read for the sidekick and the other is an alien
abduction, you'd be unrecognizable as an alien and it fits in this
summer. Please think about it, I've booked meetings for you for all 3,
we'll cancel any after you've read them if you really hate them." Sal tells
me.

I sighed.

"The focus groups for Zombie Darklands have been very positive, especially
about you. The link between Sandy and Sasha is known, and we are getting a
lot of interview requests. The press guys will go through it with you. You
need to be prepared for someone finding out its you." She continues.

"Come on enough time has passed, I'm not a story." I plead.

"What happened to child stars is always a story. What happened to child
star whose mother was murdered in front of him will always be a big payday
for someone. I'm not saying there is an active bounty on your head, I'm
saying be prepared for your life to change again."

"Thanks. I've honestly been lucky to have had 4 and a half years of
freedom. I was the one to dip my toe back in, I knew the risks."I sigh, mad
at myself for opening the door.

"I know you'll probably not go for the comedy but do think on the sequel,
they're keen and I need a new car." Sal says getting business back on
track.

I grin.

"I promise I'll read everything and go to the meetings. I'll be the model
client for 2 weeks. Is the screening sorted and new years hotel?"

"Everything is fixed up. Okay, love you kid. See you next week." Sal waves
goodbye.

I walked round my new home. I was excited even if it was freezing. My head
was full of Jay, Harry, Blondie, of work and my options and it was frankly
all a bit much. I curled up in my nest of blankets and slept soundly.

Will the new year bring a fresh start?

Thanks for reading, all feedback welcome mansambambam@gmail.com or
mansambam.tumblr.com