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Anthony's Desire

Written by Talkwriter

Chapter 1 Death Warmed Over: Part I

I looked at the clock and saw that the time was shortly after midnight. I laid awake on the bed he and I shared wondering where he was.

The last time I remembered, he was lying next to me and we had just had sex. As I laid there on the bed, I began to build up the courage to go looking for him.

I got up off the bed, put on my dressing coat and slippers and left the bedroom. I could feel my anger building as I went down the hall.

I was surprised when I poked my head into the computer room and found he wasn't there. "This is really weird!" I thought to myself as I walked throughout the rest of the house.

"WHERE IN THE HELL IS HE?" I shouted in anger and frustration. As I entered the family room, sitting on the mantle of the fireplace was his urn of ashes which immediately caused me fall to my knees and I began bawling like a child.

After crying for what felt like hours I looked back up and spotted the urn, and stood starting at this beautiful mantle piece.

Suddenly the events of Josh's accident suddenly filled my mind. I could hear Josh's last words echoing through my head as I stood staring at this vessel containing his ashes.

As I continued staring in the direction of the urn I was tormented with horrifying moment after horrifying moment that led up to the reason I now stand staring at the urn that contains the remains of my lost brother and love.

"Damn it!" I shouted, fell to my knees and curled into a ball, bawling again.

Caught between the memories and the sight of this urn brought me back to an instant outburst of tears. It had been a week since his death and I was a wreck. For thepast week, I have awakened from a sleep wondering where he was, only to find myself breaking down at the same sight every time.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, my name is Anthony.

The love of my life was Josh. Because Josh's death was so horrifying I do not want to give an account of what happened. Because of my grief, I am not sure I could even get through all of the tragic events without crying.

I am twenty years old, almost twenty one. Josh would have been twenty, had his horrible death not happened. His parents have considered me part of their family from the first time they met me when I was much younger and are now my adoptive parents. I am like the second son they wanted and could not have by the usual means.

I have azure eyes and red hair, which I keep spiked. I have a thin mustache. I don't bother growing a beard. I do, however grow a goatee. Until Josh's sudden death, I was athletic; now I am a work-a-holic, working upwards of 30 to 40 hours a week at CompTech where I am a computer technician and owner of the company. We had met back in middle school and were friends from that period of time until now. He was a great person. He was generous, loving and a fun person to be with.

Josh played football and I wrestled. We both were varsity and lettered in each of our prospective sports. Once we graduated from high school and attended College at the University of Alaska-Anchorage, UAA, we fell in love. I started out working towards a degree in English until I found my talent with Computers. Then I switched to a degree in Information Technology. Josh started his degree in Biology switching to a degree in Accounting, until his premature death took him away from me and the rest of the world I gladly shared with him.

Josh and I bought a 2-story Log Home. In the family room is beautiful rock fireplace and on the mantle, I have placed the very urn that brings me to tears. The urn is marble, is 6 inches in height by 8.5 inches wide. On the front of this urn is an Angel made of hand-finished pewter. Josh's parents chose this special urn and presented that to me during a rather difficult memorial service.

Being in this log house without my Josh is rather difficult at times. Each night I wake up wondering where he is and then I spot that urn and cry as I remember he is no longer with me.

The day started as a routine day, and quickly wound up turning into a living hell when I suddenly spotted the urn of ashes.

DeathWarmed Over: Part 2

I know I said his death was too horrifying for me to describe, but I will now try to relive the events that led to his death.

I, Josh, and some fellow classmates went to a party in a mountain pass. Some of our friends brought their snow machines with them.

This spot we went to was an area in Turnagain Pass.

A common and dangerous game that many people do with snow machines is "high marking", a deadly game I would suggest nobody play under ANY circumstance.

The outcome of this game involves seeing who can go the highest up the side of the mountain before gravity brings the machine back down the mountain. More often than not, this results in the snow following down with great force behind them, if not on top of them, thus resulting in a HORRIBLE DEATH.

Anyway, Josh was a bit of a daredevil. On a dare, he decided to play along, wanting to impress the group of friends that were with us. I was in no way impressed by the shear stupidity of this activity.

Josh and I even argued a bit and I tried to be the smarter brother. Unfortunately he had made his decision and decided to follow through anyway.

Unfortunately, he did not make it very far up the mountain before we heard a loud rumble. Several guys from the group had been up before him.

The next thing we heard were several of the girls scream in horror, as we suddenly saw this white sheet of snow coming down from behind and completely cover Josh and the machine he was riding on. I knew that he did not even have a chance, since he now had been covered in over 50 feet of snow. At that point, I wanted to cry, but I had to be strong for Josh, even though I knew there was nothing I could do. The next series of events were like a sudden slow motion movie, as people suddenly were disappearing. I grabbed my cell phone hoping that where I was, I could call 911 since apparently nobody gave a shit about me or Josh or what had happened.

"9-1-1 Operator. What is your emergency?" asked a rather calm voice.

"MY PARTNER IS TRAPPED UNDER AT LEAST 50 FEET OF SNOW." I literally screamed into the phone.

"Sir, I need you to calm down. I am dispatching help, now. I see you are calling from a cellular telephone, I need your exact location for the emergency rescue crew." The operator said, in an annoyingly calm voice.

"I AM IN TURNAGAIN PASS. PLEASE HURRY!" I continued to scream into the phone. "Sir, I have dispatched the local Search and Rescue Team, they will be arriving in about 30 minutes. Please stay on line until they arrive." The dispatcher said.

I started screaming and running in the direction of the mountain where I knew my beloved Josh now was buried. Twenty minutes later, the scene transitioned from slow motion to a rather fast pace, as I suddenly heard a chopper overhead and saw it land about ten feet from me, several snow machines appeared out of nowhere and several people with dogs appeared. I was crouched on my knees when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

"Son, what happened here?" An older man in uniform asked.

"MISTER, MY FRIEND IS BURIED OVER THERE, UNDER A BUNCH OF FUCKING SNOW." I Said loudly, as I pointed to a mountain 30 feet from where I stood.

"Okay. We'll try and find him." The State Trooper said, calmly.

Several hours passed, and all I could think is how I am here without Josh, and how he is buried under all that snow, and how this cannot be happening. As the time dragged on, a dog barked indicating that the dog picked up something.

"We got something! Over here!" A rather young and cute rescue worker said.

In horror, I watched as they recovered Josh's helmet from the snow. I suddenly realized that in the helmet was his head. The helmet was an Arctic Cat Helmet and was black with red and grey racing stripes. The helmet had a sun visor, which completely shattered in impact during the horrible accident.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Where is the rest of him?" I screamed and broke into a flood of tears.

I cried for what felt like hours, even though it was, maybe ten minutes. Several hours later, after many hours of digging the rescue team finally recovered the rest of my beloved Josh.

Chapter 1: Death Warmed Over Part III

I was sitting in my office when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I said after picking up the receiver on the second ring.
"Hi Son, would you like to come to the house for dinner? We would to see you." Dad said in a tone that implied I would be there for dinner.
"Yes Sir, I will be there for dinner.  Will dinner be at the same time as always?"  I asked knowing the answer while also knowing this was serious.
"Yes, Dinner will be at 6:30. So, I would appreciate that you don't hold us up with being late.  We're having your favorite." Dad said before hanging up.
I looked at the clock and realized that I had better be heading for the house.  I left my office and I headed for the elevator.  Suddenly my cell phone started ringing.

"Anthony Pendergrass" I said after looking at the caller ID and answering the call.
"Hello Mr. Pendergrass.  This is Sgt. Miller with the Alaska State Troopers. We have a few questions we would like to ask you, can you possibly come by the office tomorrow? At 7:45 a.m." The investigator asked.
"Yes sir. I will be there to comply with your investigation." I said beginning to feel a tightness grow in my stomach.

"After a fifteen minute drive from my office to my adoptive parents' house I was soon walking through the front door and was greeted by my mother who was Josh's mother too.
"Hello, Son. I hear you have some not so good news for us." She said with fire in her eyes.

"Yes, mom I do. Before I share this news I want you and dad to not be angry with me, ok?" I asked as the knot in my stomach grew tighter.

"Let's go into the family room, your father is expecting us." Mom said.

As I headed down the hall from the kitchen and up the stairs, I felt my stomach aching even harder knowing that what I had to share would not be easy because I have to live with the pain that Josh is now dead.

As I approached the living room, I heard my father on the phone.  I caught my father's gaze and he quickly ended the call.  I could feel tears starting to build as the events unfolded that I would all too soon be relieving.

I walked into the Living room and turned around and suddenly headed for the nearest bathroom instead.

As I got the bathroom just in time because my stomach let me know how discomforted it had been.
Mom and Dad came running just as was washing up.

"Are you alright son?" Mom asked now very concerned.

"I am now, mom." I said as I shut the water off and dried my face.

We left the bathroom and returned to the living room once again.
After awkward silence with all eyes on me expecting me to speak I decided I would first find out exactly what they knew so I knew where to start.  My mind raced in exact timing with my now speeding heart.

Finally, I regained enough composure to speak…

"Mom and Dad,

"Son, we received a call from the Troopers this morning. And here you are without Josh." My parents said bluntly.

"Josh and I went up to Turnagain Pass with a few friends." I started as the memories started flooding me and I had to fight tears.

"Someone brought a snow machine and one thing lead to another." I continued.

"Someone dared Josh to do something stupid.  I tried to talk sense into him like a brother should and he had made up his mind." I said as the tears started to fall.

"Josh went up the side of the mountain and gravity won." I said as I started sobbing.

My mom suddenly broke down into an outburst when the reality of what I had said finally hit her.

Dad looked at me got up and lunged at me with a look of deep anger in his eyes ready to smack me.

Just as I felt him grab me, all went black…


To be continued...

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