Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:16:24 +0530 From: Apar India Subject: Apar & Krish - Chapter 5 Disclaimer: ======== This is a semi-fictional story with semi-fictional characters. Names have been changed and a bit of imagination added. This is a story about me and what-if scenario with some of my crushes This story involves love and physical intimacy between two consenting adult men. If you do not want to read this or are prohibited by law, house rules etc, please leave. The is a story about relations and not about sex. So there will be very limited sexual acts and even when it occurs, there will be no graphic details. This story is set in Indian College and I would provide needed background where ever needed The reader is at the liberty to stop reading if he or she does not wishes to continue. Apar & Krish Chapter 5 ---------------------- I was in a confused state after my sleep over at Krish's place during vacations. Was this leading to more than friendship ? Will I lose my friend (and crush ??) because I over read in to things ? I missed Krish every minute I was away from him. I thought this obsession with him would do no good to me or my current friendship with Krish. The semester holidays were over. Krish had already called up to find which coach I was traveling in and he was there when I reached the train platform. "Hey Apar" he reached to help me with my luggage. "Thanks Krish I should be able to handle this" I was stubborn. "No help for your room mate ?" Ravi was coming along with Jagan. "Hey Ravi how has been your Singapore trip ? Hey Jagan" that was Krish offering to take the load off Ravi. "Hi guys. How was your holidays" I turned to Ravi and Jagan. "It went fine. Guess you camped out at your grandma's place for nearly whole of the holidays. So what was Apar up to during his holidays I wonder. Any nice girl live near your grandma's place ? You were practically unreachable man" Jagan "Well atleast he didn't setup accidental meetings with Sumitra for movies and beach" winked Ravi. "How did you know about this ? Weren't you in Singapore all this time ?" Jagan was shocked. "I have spies all round" Ravi smiled "Weren't you supposed to meet up with Krish ?" that was Ravi annoying me now. "Yeah we met up. Apar learnt swimming and we had fun time together" Krish joined me at my coupe. "So how was your Singapore trip ? Heard Singapore is a wonderful place." I was trying to shift the focus. "Yeah it was a wonderful place for the first week. After that there is nothing much left to see in that 30X40 KM space" Ravi shrugged. "Come on Ravi, heard the Singaporean girls are quite the partying type." Jagan nudged Ravi. "Oh man I had tough time figuring out the girls from boys in Singapore" said Ravi. "Haha, Ravi I never knew that you didn't even know this. For guys stuff dangle and for girls it is aesthetically designed" Jagan laughed out. "Oh Jagan, I forgot to tell you that in Singapore people wear cloths and if you had forgotten I don't have X Ray vision" "Still... was that so tough ?" Jagan "Guys and girls look nearly the same, I meant the Chinese descent ones. Guys have longer hair and girls have shorter hair. Both are slim built and most of the girls are missing the headlights" Ravi was pointing to the chest (breast) area. "Hehe don't tell me that you ended up kissing a guy then" Jagan clapped Ravi hard on his back. I got a bit flushed. "Guys I didn't get much sleep at home. I need to sleep" "Come on Apar it is not so late and tomorrow would be the first day in our new semester and nothing precious would happen. You can sleep late" Jagan Ravi "Nah, let him sleep. I saw Sumitra with her friends, so how about dropping in and saying hi to her" Jagan jumped up and said "well that is a more productive suggestion.See ya" and he was off with Ravi. "Good night Apar, I'll catch you tomorrow" Krish departed. While he was around I was trying to avoid him and now that he has gone I missed him. I shook my head as if to clear his smiling face off, spread my sheet and dozed off to sleep in the gentle rocking of the train. =========================================== Back at college I did everything to avoid eye contact or speaking with Krish. I felt weird and I hated meeting or speaking to anyone, even Jagan. "You seem awfully pissed off with someone. What is the matter." Jagan asked propped up in his bed a week later. "Nothing. Just new semester tension I guess" I lied. "Nah, you have never been tensed with subjects. Tell me what happened at home ? Don't tell me that your parents weren't happy with you topping our class in nearly all subjects during our first semester" "Jagan, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep". In response to this Jagan pulled the bed sheets to cover his head and I switched off the light. Whenever and where ever I saw Krish I did everything to avoid him.Chose a different time to go to canteen (he was an early bird), avoided going anywhere close to his class room and stopped visiting Ravi in his room. I was walking down to my lab one day and there he was with Ravi. "Hey Apar, how have you been ? Didn't see you the whole week." Krish wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Been good, just busy. Sorry I'm late for lab" I released myself from Krish's arm. "No you are not. We have another 10 minutes for the lab to start as it would take a bit more time for the elephant to reach the lab" Ravi was referring to our Lab incharge. Avoiding those wonderful eyes of Krish I said " I need to get the Chemistry setup ready." "Oye Apar" Ravi called out as I moved to enter the lab "He has been acting weird since the start of the Semester" I heard him telling Krish. Later that day I reached the college canteen a bit late to ensure that I don't bump in to Krish. I looked around to find a secluded corner, took my food and sat there alone. "Hey Apar, how have you been. Haven't seen you" Nizar came to my table. "Hi Nizar, been busy" "Oh. Krish was saying how you gave him company over the holidays. Guess it was fun" he sat with his plate. I didn't answer or look up at him. "Hey Apar, hey Nizar" Krish came to our table. He didn't have a plate in his hand. "Hey Krish, what are you doing so late in canteen. You are an early bird" Nizar shifted a bit to let Krish sit. "Didn't get time to catch hold of Apar, so thought I would borrow some of his precious time during lunch" he gave his charming smile and moved his chair near me. I got up immediately with half eaten food. "What happened Apar ?" Krish got up with me. "This tastes like crap. I'll catch you later Nizar" I moved off to wash my hands. Krish followed me "Apar, what is happening with you ? It seems you are avoiding me. What did I do wrong ? Please, Please tell me Apar" As I looked up I could see the pain in his face and was that a trickle of tears in his eye?. It was killing me. I turned away from him and said " Nothing, nothing wrong, You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just busy" Krish forced me to face him by pulling me around and holding my shoulders "No, something has been bothering you. I know from Ravi that your classes haven't been hectic. Share with me Apar, unburden your pains" "I'm in no pain and not burdened, could you let go of me now?" I tried to shrug him off. "Listen. I'm always there for you, if you need to talk. I can't see you like this Apar, it pains my heart. " he loosened his grip and I left him there standing. Next day Ravi greeted me at class with "Do you know that you have been a jerk for the past couple of weeks?" "Haven't you been the jerk always, completely insensitive to people" I retorted. "You don't understand the difference between being sarcastic and being down right mean. I'm sarcastic but you have been caustic Apar. Something is eating up you from inside and you are spilling the poison all around you" "Then please stay away from me" I sat in a different place. "Suite yourself, but you won't get better by kicking your friends out.I have never seen Krish so upset. He seemed to be concerned about you and so is Jagan" "Oh thanks a lot for your collective concern. Will you leave me alone now" I was verbally pushing him away. He shook his head as the professor entered the class. I roamed the college grounds trying to avoid Ravi, Jagan and especially Krish for the rest of the day. ===CHANGES START=== It started raining and without concern for anything I strolled in the slushed grounds and got drenched up to my bones. As I reached my room late in the evening soaking wet, there they were all. Jagan, Krish and Ravi. "Welcome welcome VIP. We have been waiting for you" Ravi gotup and bowed. "No one asked anyone to wait for me" I removed my wet shirt and dumped it in the dirty cloth basket. When I refused to see any of them in their eyes, Krish rose to put his arms around me "Apar, we are seriously worried. You cannot solve everything alone. Share it with us, if possible we will help you, if not atleast you would have your friends by you" . "No one need to be worried and I'm fine" I moved away from Krish's arms reach and took a towel as I changed my pants and stuff. "The hell you are fine. You are so cheery that people within 1 meter radius around you jump with joy everytime they see you" that was Ravi. "Then please stay away from me. No one is asking anyone to be with me or around me. If I'm causing trouble I can sleep in hall way then" I took out bed sheets ready to leave the room. ===CHANGES END === "Ravi please." Jagan silenced Ravi Krish held my shoulders with my back turned to him "You need help Apar, you are hurting people around you and yourself. You told me that What friends are for if not able to lend a shoulder to cry. We will be here for you Apar" "I don't want any of you. I just need to sleep. Could you please help me by leaving ?" I was angry and at the verge of a breakdown. Krish sensed it and he pulled Ravi out of the room "I have never seen you like this Apar and it scares the hell out of me" Jagan said as he closed the doors "You are upset with something. Why can't you share it with me. Doesn't our friendship worth sharing your pain with me ? I got you some chocolates. You once told me that chocolates are good when one is upset " He handed me some high quality chocolates, held my shoulder as I sat down on my bed. "I know that you don't want to tell us anything, that is fine. But please be normal with us Apar, seeing you like this really hurts me because I'm not able to help you in any way. You know I hate feeling helpless. Especially helpless to help you Apar" He hugged me tight and gently patted me on my back. These are rare moments when Jagan shows his true self. He is not this all round cool guy, but a person with heart. I was overwhelmed and tired. I sat there rocking myself as Jagan held me. "Apar you are tensed and sad. You do this rocking only when you are really feeling bad. Do you want to go out for a walk or something?" "No Jagan. I should be fine tomorrow. I need to sleep now. Good night" I shrugged Jagan and went to bed. The next day I tried to behave "normal". Said "Hi" to people I saw, didn't eat alone generally ate with Jagan and his friends. I still avoided eye contact with Krish though, but he seemed happy none the less that I was atleast making minimal conversation. A week went by where I seem to expend a lot of energy to be "normal" self. Friday evening came and I curled back in to my shell. "I think something happened during your holidays. Come on Apar tell me. It has been nearly a week and I haven't seen you smile at all" Jagan was prodding. "Jagan, can we stay off this topic please ?" "Ok. Let us go to the temple tomorrow morning then. I have got motor bike from Nizar" I was a bit taken aback. "It is not exam time and you are interested in visiting temple ? That too on a weekend." I looked at Jagan. "Sumitra might be coming". Jagan was a bad liar. I arched my eye brows and looked at him Jagan avoided my gaze and replied "I know visiting temple helps you. It is like a therapy for you. So I'm just chaperoning " "Thanks Jagan" and I went to sleep. Next day early morning we woke up bathed and took this 30 minute ride to a Serene temple at the top a nearby hill. The chanting of the Sanskrit mantras, the smell of burning camphor mixed with that of sandalwood paste, numerous colorful garlands that were brought to adore the deity, the ringing of the temple bells, the hallowed image of the deity in the sanctum glimmering in flickering light of the oil lamps, the whole experience seemed to calm me a lot. I was not feeling stressed or tired. I felt as if I was free of all misery. I actually gave a smile at Jagan as we got out of the temple to take a ride back to college. "Let us take a stay here for a while" Jagan suggested, to which I agreed. We sat down at a rock few meters away from the main temple. It was overlooking the green paddy fields that surrounded the hill. The gentle cool breeze seems to be whispering to me. I was thinking of Krish. I turned to Jagan and said "How would you feel if you are in love with someone but not sure if the other person is feeling the same for you ?" "Well I would ask them ? You know that I did so with Sumitra" replied Jagan. "But what if it was more complicated, what if you were a close friend and are worried that if you ask this question your friendship would be ruined" I thought aloud. "If I'm miserable just because I don't know what the other person feels about me it would be better to get it out rather than bury it deep inside me" Jagan was now looking at me "Who is she ?" "Someone" I was vague. "Yeah it has be someone. Did you meet her over your vacation ? Is that why you seem so tensed all the time ?" Jagan prodded. "Well yes and no" I sighed "You are very good at being vague and abstract. Is she in our college ? If so I could act as a messenger for you else I could ask Sumitra to investigate this girl" I sighed "Nope that wouldn't help" "Why not ? Is Sumitra the girl you are in love with?" his expression was that of shock. "Oh God give me a break, no it is not Sumitra" I hit him over his head. "Phew, for a moment my heart stopped. So why you have trouble expressing yourself to this girl? At max you will get hit with a slipper and you would be talk of the hostel for some time if anyone finds out" "I would be fine with any slippers, I feel I cannot be without this person and I cannot bear it if they don't love me back. It is better I remain oblivious to their feeling" "Well so you came to temple and prayed for her to come and profess her love to you?" Jagan smiled at me. "Nope. I prayed asking why I'm so different from others even in love? Why am I being punished emotionally for no mistake of mine" my eyes were wet. "Hey hey come on, Apar. You are different but why do you think that is punishment. Your uniqueness is a gift. It is a new experience for you" Jagan put his arms around me. "I don't know how many would be ok with my uniqueness, not sure if I'm ok with my so called uniqueness" I sighed. "Ok now don't get sentimental or philosphical. That would go over my head. Take a deep breath and when you are ready I'll be there to help you in your love" Jagan got up. We then silently strolled around the temple stores and I bought few chanting CDs and the rest of the afternoon was spent listening to some of them in my CD player. I wondered why this idea of calming myself with chanting and music never occurred to be before. Jagan seem to know about me lot more than I know about myself. Jagan left me alone with my CDs and I have dozed of to sleep. I felt someone trying to wake me up "So ready for the movie ?" It was Jagan. As I got up and looked around there was Krish and Ravi too. "Come on dress up, we will grab something to eat on the way" that was Ravi. As I looked up at the smiling face of Krish all my calmness seem to wither away. I was tensed, I felt something in my stomach. I got up, washed my face, quickly changed to a jean T-shirt combo and I was out. "Heard that you are in love with Sumitra and that is why you were kicking all of us in our balls" Ravi winked at me as we walked. I looked angrily at Jagan. "Shut up Ravi, don't spoil his mood now" Jagan dragged Ravi and moved ahead of me and Krish As Ravi and Jagan walked in front, Krish was trying to give me company. "So Jagan took you to temple today morning ?" Krish was trying to make some conversation. "Yeah" "How was it ? How do you feel now ?" "Better" He put his hand around my shoulder drawing me closer. His scent was making me want to hold his hands, but I did just the opposite. I shrugged his hands off my shoulders. As we reached close to the theater Ravi and Jagan who were ahead of us got in to a eatery (Snack bar) near the theater. "So what do you want ?" Krish "Toast" I replied "You haven't had anything for lunch and we won't be out from movie for another two and half hrs, Apar" Krish was concerned. Jagan looked at me and Krish amid his conversation with Ravi. "I'm fine with this" I was curt. Krish ordered for some veggie sandwich and ordered few juices. He ate half the sandwich and pushed the rest in my direction. Without me asking he passed on the extra juices he ordered to me. I was guava, one of my favorites. "No thanks" I said to Krish. "Hey Krish pass me on the juice, I'm parched" Jagan took the juices giving me an exasperated look. As we entered the movie hall. Krish sat next to me. I didn't know what came over me I asked Jagan to switch places with me so that I was away from Krish. As Jagan sat next to me he whispered "What happened between you two ? Why are you avoiding him ? He is trying to be nice even when are acting hostile. You were fine this morning". "Do you want me to leave" I asked Jagan. "For heaven sake don't create a scene." he pushed me back in to my seat. The movie was for mindless laughter. I laughed at some of the jokes and funny stuff. During the intermission Krish & Jagan went out and got things for us to eat and this time Jagan sat next to Ravi leaving Krish to sit near me. For the second half I held myself from laughing much and I have been sighing a lot to relieve the tension of sitting next to Krish. When his hands by chance brushed mine, I immediately took mine away as if I touched a live wire. Krish noticed it and his expression was indiscernible. I kept my hands well within my seat. I couldn't stand the pressure of sitting next to Krish and as soon as the movie got over I rushed out and started walking pretty fast towards the hostel. I saw Krish running behind me to catch up, with Jagan and Ravi much further behind. I didn't know what came over me, I flagged an auto that was passing by empty and got in to it before Krish could reach me. The auto dropped me at hostel. I paid the auto and rushed in to my room and fell on bed emotionally exhausted. The locked door banged open and I got up with a shock. There I saw Krish with his face red and tears down his face. I have never seen Krish so angry. The next door guys peeked to shout "What the heck happened ?" Krish turned to them and shouted "Fuck off, none of your business". This shouting and using of explicits was so out of character for Krish. He came inside and closed the door "No more kidding Apar. Tell me what I had done to make you angry ? Why would you hate me so much ?" his volume was high. I was still in shock with the way Krish barged in "How did you come so fast ?" "Don't think only you could flag an auto, so tell me Apar what have I done ? The vacation was wonderful and suddenly you behave as if I'm an untouchable Why ?" Krish was shouting with tears and sweat wetting his face. He shook me hard and said "I'm not leaving you until you tell me why you hate me so much ? What happened ? I cannot live with the knowledge that you hate me ? Why do you hate me Apar" I felt like a ragged doll at Krish's hands. I couldn't bear seeing him so emotional. I turned my face away from him and whimpered "I don't hate you Krish" Krish turned my face to look at him. "I don't believe you. Unless you have extreme emotions against a person you wouldn't be acting like this all these days. You have been avoiding me at every possible turn. Tell me why ? I don't love any girl, so I cannot be a competitor to you in your love" "This has nothing to do with girl Krish" I still refused to see him. "Then what is your problem with me ? You were unable to stand my presence. You ran away whenever I come close" Krish asked me "Look in to my eyes and tell me why you hate me so much ? What pain have I caused you ? " I couldn't hold myself any longer as I looked deep in those brown eyes, it was filled with tears and pain was etched in Krish's face. "Yes, I have extreme feelings for you. It is not hate Krish, it is just the opposite. I love you, I love you much more than a friend. I didn't know how to say this but it is the truth. I ran away to stay close to you. Evey minute I was not with you I was feeling miserable, but what would I do when you find out that I love you in a romantic sense. I was trying to prepare myself for a life without you and it has been killing me every minute. You wouldn't have known this had you not pushed me. Now you would hate me, think I'm weird or at the worst shun me all together. I was just preparing myself for that" I broke down and cried over his shoulder. Krish lifted my chin and he was smiling "You are the most intelligent idiot I have ever seen in my life. You are intelligent in all ways but you were an idiot when it came to understanding my feelings for you. Can't you see I love you too. I love you much beyond myself Apar I would do anything to be with you every second of my life" and he pressed his lips against mine holding my face. The passion and love we had for each other broke all barriers and was washing over us like a torrent of water breaking off a dam. We were crying, giggling and we were kissing each other in face, neck, eyelids. I pushed Krish down on to my bed with my lips still glued to his lips. I took a break from lip lock to take Krish's sweaty T shirt off while he was doing the same for me. Once we were off our shirts we embraced each other tighter with our lips now exploring freshly exposed flesh of each other. We didn't know how much time went by as were passionately kissing and exploring each others body, inhaling each others scent with our labored breath and thudding hearts. We still had our Jeans one and then suddenly the door to my room opened and there was Jagan. I was on top of shirtless Krish kissing his chest holding him with a hug while Krish was kissing my shoulders with his legs tightly wrapped around my waist. All I heard was "Shit" and the door quickly closed followed by foot steps leaving away from the door. Krish opened his eyes and looked at me. He didn't even look at who was at the door and I told him it was Jagan once I was over the initial shock. "Apar what shall we do ?" Krish started panicking. "Let us just wait a bit, dress up and I'll leave looking for Jagan. I know for sure he wouldn't tell anyone." The heart which was racing a few minutes ago with our combined passion was now racing with fear for Krish as I touched his chest. "Hey Krish calm down. I know Jagan more than you. He won't be rash. At max he might have gone for a walk. I'll find him don't worry, stay here".I kissed Krish on his forehead, dressed up and left the hostel looking for Jagan. As I walked out of hostel I was wondering if I really knew Jagan or not. ===============================================================================