Date: Tue, 3 Jul 2007 19:40:49 EDT From: Tearsdry66@aol.com Subject: Beautiful Tragedy: Through His Eyes. Prologue This story is 100% mine, the idea for it came from experiences I have went through in the last few years of my life. Names, events and places that are similar to actually things is merrily coincidence. Enjoy. Beautiful Tragedy: Through his Eyes Prologue ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The scent of fresh flowers was intoxicating making it almost impossible to breathe as I sat in the last row of the funeral home with my head down. It was hard for me to focus on the words Father Lukas was saying. Then again, could anyone blame me? Funerals aren't exactly something that makes you feel good. I slowly force myself to look up at him, he's standing in front of the oak colored casket, his fingers entwined, resting firmly on top of the wooden podium. I can barely make out what he's saying, not because I'm too far away. The funeral home is a small building with no more than 9 rows of chairs. Behind Father Lukas is what looks like over two dozen different flower arrangements, all in which are cascades of whites, reds and pinks. I took a deep breath and looked around me, almost every single chair was full of people in black. A depressing picture. I brought my attention back to the floor and tried to swallow the large lump in my throat. I had no idea how I was suppose to feel. Was I suppose to cry like more than half of the other people here? If so why wasn't I? Why was I feeling so empty and .... Numb? Suddenly I felt something on my shoulder, I move my head slightly to see a hand resting firmly on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" asks the familiar voice of my best friend Maya. I open my mouth but nothing comes out, so I just nod. I don't even really know if I 'm okay or not. "River, come with me." she says into my ear. I'm not really sure why, but I do as she says, following her outside. Outside it's cold, there's still snow on the ground from the storm we had a few days ago. I look at Maya, she looks really pretty despite the fact that her eyes are red from crying. She sits down on the bench out side and slowly begins smoothing out the wrinkles in her short black dress. "I never imagined something could be this hard." she said not making eye contact with me. I sit down beside her and take her hand in mine. "I know..." I whisper softly as I gently move my index finger along the palm of her hand. "I feel so numb." I tell her as I look up at the dark clouds above us. "I miss him already." she says taking a tissue from her purse and wiping her eyes. "It's never going to be the same again is it?" I don't say anything. I think about what she just said, that was something I didn't even realize. My life - or anyone else's in Easton was going to be the same again. I take a deep breath as I feel Maya's hand on my cheek. "A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried." She says softly as she forces a smile. It's then that I realize it was a tear she had wiped from my cheek. "What happens now?" I ask as I bite at the metal ring in my lip. She takes in a deep breath. "I have to go back to Lenten, and... I was hoping you would come with me. You can transfer schools and go UL with me." she answers fidgeting with a strand of her auburn colored hair. "I don't know Maya." I say as I turn to look at her. I've never lived anywhere but Easton, and I definitely couldn't leave now. "Please Riv, it would mean so much to me." she says squeezing my hand. " Chris and Janie will be there too." "I don't think I can leave Easton." I answer staring down at the snow on the ground. "You used to always say how you were going to get out of Easton. Here's your chance." I think for a moment before saying, "But that was before." She gives me a sympathetic nod as she rubs her hand against the back of my neck. "But if you come with us, you'll be around people who can support you. I don't want you by yourself at a time like this." she says as she places her purse in her lap. "I'm sure I'll be fine. I mean, I'm at a funeral and I'm taking it okay aren't I?" I ask looking at her. "You're taking it a lot better than what I thought, but that's probably because it hasn't hit you yet, River. I know you don't like to admit when you're upset, but honey, it's okay. It's okay to cry..." I close my eyes tightly because I can feel the on coming rush of tears beginning to form. But then I realize, I've held them back long enough and the more I continue to hold back, the harder it's going to be. So I break down the walls of my emotional strength. I let go. I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks and for the first time, I don't care that people can see me cry. Maya wraps her arms around me like any good friend would and holds me tight. "I-I can't..." I start to say but she hushes me. "Just let it out." she whispers soothingly. And I do, I don't fight it, I don't try to be strong. I just cry. Because crying is all that I feel like doing. *********************************************** Well let me know what you all think alright?? e-mail me at _beautiful_tragedy_66@yahoo.com_ (mailto:beautiful_tragedy_66@yahoo.com) Homepage: _http://beautiful.tragedy.66.tripod.com/_ (http://beautiful.tragedy.66.tripod.com/)