Being Josh

Hi Guys! Sorry for the delay in publishing this chapter. Reason? There was a misunderstanding between my Yahoo email account and my editor's Hotmail account!!! My mail didn't reach him. :( Damn!

Thanks guys for all the emails. I'm really sorry if I haven't replied to you. Even a line from you helps. (although I appreciate longer mails describing your thoughts about the characters, plot and what you think will happen!) LOL. Email me. at

I would like to commend my editor Greg who does a lovely job editing this story.

Let me refresh your memory cells: Josh has a terribly night when he finds out that Sam cheating on him, with his best friend Adam. He comes home and as usual Jake consoles him. Then surprisingly Jake kisses Josh. Josh, too tired to think about it, goes to sleep!

Part V: Touching Of Lips

The next morning I was startled by the alarm going off at four. I slapped the snooze bar and putting an end to its infernal buzzing.

I sat on the bed and it all came back to me. Adam on top of Sam. Sam shouting "it is not what you think." What the hell else could it be? Then Jake...Jake kissing me! Remembering that particular incident made me smile. Suddenly I wondered why I had set the alarm to go off so early? Of course! It was a Sunday and I was going to see my Uncle and Grandmother! My Uncle owned farm lands along the countryside and I was going to pay them a surprise visit. I came out of my room and starred at the apartment. Suddenly I wondered whether Jake would be interested in coming with me! I opened the door to his room slowly.

Jake was lying on the bed fast asleep. Damn! I thought he would at least sleep shirtless! His face was calm and composed like always. Was that a smile playing on his face or just my imagination? Knowing Jake would want to kill me if I woke up him, I took my chances. I seriously wanted to spend time with Jake.

"Jake...Jake..." I poked him, no response, so I started to tickle him.

His eyes sprang open and tried to be mad even though he was giggling "What, what?" he said.

"Want to come along with me on a picnic?" I asked.

"Are you crazy?" he said, and looked at the clock "You must be crazy. Because no sane person is up at 4:30 in the morning"

"Jake, come on, you need a change of scene as bad as me, c'mon you know you want to! Are you coming?"

"I ask you again...are you crazy, or are you just a delusion? I want sleep." He whined

"JAKE!" I said and started to poke him again. He got up and sat on the bed. I was standing in front of him..

"Josh, I'm going to remember this, and get you back when you least expect it!" he said with an evil grin. For some reason I wasn't worried.

"I don't care. You're coming right?"

"You won't let me sleep if I don't right?"

"Not a chance" I grinned evilly. He knew. "Now get it together already, it's almost five"

We took a bus. Sitting next to Jake made no difference, he was unusually quiet. Then he looked at me again with this silly expression, the one he had put on the previous night.

"Josh...about jus happened, okay? It doesn't mean anything. I was just feeling really lonely."

"Okay." I said. I couldn't read anything from his face. It was blank. The kiss, not mean anything? When they say it means nothing at all is when it means the most.

"What?" he asked me looking at me smirk.

"I know you truly madly deeply love me, you're just in denial" I mocked him.

"Ha-ha! Now you're not going to tease me about this forever, eh?"

"Who me?" I asked in mock innocence.

"Look at that!" Jake said looking outside the window, pointing to a huge cloud cover.

"Yeah. It is going to rain heavily."

Rain. It gave me hope. It was like rain was going to wash away all my pains in the past weeks.

"We're going to get wet" I said.

"Yeah. Really wet"

Once we were out, in a matter of seconds we were drenched. Where is an umbrella when you need one?

"How far from here?" Jake said.

"You see that?" I said. "It is behind that building."

We followed the path to the building and went behind it. I could see Jake's surprise when we got there. Behind the building the earth was entirely covered by huge sugar cane farms! Miles and miles, just farms.

"See that house Jake? That's where we are going."

"Shit man! Your Uncle owns all of this?"

"If he did, he'd be living out in Vegas. He just owns a section of it."

We ran through the fields towards the house. The wind was coming towards us forcing the rain on our face. We had to cover our faces to protect our eyes from the driving winds.

"Josh...the house is locked!"

I kept quiet. As I wasn't sure exactly what to say.


"My Uncle will be back, wherever he has gone. Come with me." How I wish this wasn't a surprise visit! I simply assumed they would be home!

Jake followed me as I led him to the barn. The barn was empty except for a few sugar cane crops lying on the ground.

"Phew..." Jake said.

I looked at Jake as he was wringing the water out of his clothes. His beautiful arms flexing, his chest covered in a thin sheen of moisture. Jake looked up at me and caught me starring at him. I didn't care anymore, I was looking at Jake...Jake's body. His erect nipples and muscular chest so perfect, so right.


I still kept quiet. I didn't care what he said. I was more interested  in looking at him! He walked towards me. I looked up at his expressive eyes and a smile ventured into his face.

"What is wrong?" he asked me.

I couldn't speak. What could I say? That I wanted him so badly. Did I in the first place? I just looked at his eyes, those big expressive eyes. Suddenly I found myself moving towards him. Like someone was pushing me towards Jake. I allowed myself to be pushed. I was now an inch away from his face. He was still looking at my eyes.

"Josh...I can't..." he whispered.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm truly madly deeply in love with someone." he smiled.

"Who?" I said.

"You." he breathed as his lips touched mine. I could feel the softness of his lips. Moments later I could feel his chest, his stomach, his legs pressing against my body. It was as though we were melding together. He kissed me like I had never kissed before, his kiss was different. It was passionate and strong, but not aggressive rough. Sam? Sam who? There was no Sam to me anymore. All I cared for is Jake.

I was kissing Jake and that is all that mattered now. All that mattered was I was here with the guy that I didn't know, I had loved for so long, and now it was here, pressing into me, loving me. Some say that eternity is made up of
all of the moments that we wish would last forever. That our afterlives are made up of those moments strung together. Forget those other moments of my life, I wanted this one forever. No others. But every perfect moment is too perfect to last.

A jeep sound interrupted us. When we moved away from each other our chests stuck to one another, as if they didn't want us to stop!

"My Uncle must be here!" I said.

"Josh. You are here already? I'm sorry. How long have you been waiting?" Uncle Harry asked me.

"Not very long Uncle Harry." I said, "This is friend" My boy friend, I hoped.

"Hello Sir"

"Hello Jake. Come inside. You both are drenched!"

Granny got down from the truck. I ran to help her. She was 72 but had the energy that most twenty year olds would envy.

"I'm fine, I'm not an invalid," she said. I smiled at her. So did Jake.

Uncle Harry unlocked the door and we hurried inside. It was warm inside the house and had the pleasant smell like always. It was the smell that attracted me to this place.

"You boys go change to something. I will make something warm for you." Granny instructed.

"This is it!"

"Wow Josh. This room is wonderful! You come here every summer?"

"Most summers. I loved to spending time here."

"Whoa! Your bed is really soft!"

"Everything is cool here. A big break from our city life!"

I took out some of my clothes that I kept here and gave it to Jake.

"Here, take this. Hope it fits you!" I said.

I took a set for myself.

When I stood up and turned to face Josh I was dumbstruck. Jake had  taken off his shirt and was now unbuttoning his jeans. I could see the waistband of a pair of Calvin Klein briefs peeking out. He pulled his jeans down and then looked up at me.

"Jesus Christ! First time seeing me change?" Jake laughed

"It is different now you know, better than before." I smiled

How I wanted to kiss him again, touch him everywhere! But I could hear Granny call for us.

Granny had already prepared lunch for us. She heated it up while we were changing. We sat on the table, all four of us.

"Where is Aunt Martha?" I asked Uncle Harry.

"Er...she has gone to the city to bring home some goods."

"Oh... I really wanted to see her."

The food was delicious as usual. I had never seen Jake smile so often in a long time. He really needed a change and I was glad that I gave it to him.

After lunch...

"Jake...come with me?" I asked shyly.

"Where?" He looked confused

"Outside..."I hinted

"Outside?! Where outside?" Still confused. Silly boy can't catch a hint.

"Just come..." Sometimes you have to be a little less subtle.

I took Jake with me to the fields. We walked some time till we came closer to a huge tree.

"See that tree?" I said.


"I have got a house up there!"

"A tree house!"


We were now standing in front of the tree looking up at the tree house.

"Are you sure it can support our weight Josh? We are no longer kids you know?"

"Come along...and you will see."

The tree house was brought back so many memories. I wanted to show Jake where I had spent so much of my time as youth, to share that part of myself with him.

" It looks so small from outside!"

"Yeah. This place is very special to me. I used to come here every evening when I was a kid. It is strange how life changes when you grow up. When you are a kid, you simply enjoy life. When you grow up you have responsibilities and so many complex problems."

"Josh you are talking like some forty seven year old owner of a multinational company facing a crisis and psychological problems."

We laughed. We slept on our stomachs and looked below at the branches of the huge tree.

"Josh..." Jake said.


"About us. What do you think?"

"You tell me Jake..."

"Josh I always thought of you as a good friend, nothing more. It never occurred to me that I could be gay."


"But I always had this unexplained feelings towards you. It was like I wanted something more than you than friendship..."

"And then that night all those feelings poured out and you touch my lips with yours?"

"Touched my lips with yours?! I kissed you damn it!"

"Jake...seriously how can you call that a kiss?"

"It was a kiss..."

"NO it wasn't"

"Yes it was! You have no idea how difficult it was for me to take such a bold move!"

I kissed Jake right then, "And I will make sure you will never regret it forever."

He smiled. "But...being is difficult Josh..."

"Of course it is. Being gay is very difficult, no matter how modern the society grows. But Jake, we all live only once. Are you prepared to live your entire life hiding your true self?"

"Hmm..." Jake said.

"You're gay baby, get over it. You are not going to be straight or for that matter, leave me no matter what because I've had enough!"

" sure want me, don't you?

"Don't you?"

"I do."

We kissed again. It was the happiest moment of my life. I had finally found myself someone who really cared.

The next morning I woke up feeling aches in my back from the long trip. I actually felt I was still moving in a bus the previous night. To add to my disappointment today was, heck, Monday! The phone started ringing. I exited my room and picked up the receiver.


"Josh?" Sam was on the line.

"How dare you think of calling me?" I said. I could hardly speak with the picture of Adam on top of Sam coming back to my mind.

"I want to see you..."

"That makes one, but I don't want to see you. Ever."

I hung up.

It seemed like a month since I dumped Sam. But it was only two days!  Why did two days seem so long? My answer was now standing in front of me.

"Good morning...darling!" Jake said.

"Good morning sweetheart!"

"Jeez...if we are going to be together I don't like addressing ourselves like that okay?"

"Sure...honey!" I smirked.

"Who was it?"

"Some moron."


"Yeah..." I said softy.

"Why did he call?"

"I don't know. I hung up on that bastard."

"Ohh...okay. We are going to be late!"

Going with Jake to college today seemed too good to be true. Just walking with him made me feel so happy. I was happy.

Laura was waiting for me outside the class room. She said she wanted to see me.

"What is up Laura?" I asked.

"Josh. Are you free Friday night?"

Dear god! Why is this girl sweating me so bad?!

"What's up?"

"I need some help with my project. And I know you are good at it..."

Ohhh! So she was not after my looks but my brains, but I still get the feeling she's after me!

"Sure Laura. Friday will be fine."

"Great! Thanks Josh! I will be there at your apartment at six, okay?"


Friday at six, I gotta remember to keep myself free that night.

When I came home Jake had still not come. Maybe he had some after hour work. The door bell rang. That must be Jake. Oh! How I awaited our first night together.

"Mr. Joshua Bouchard?" a delivery man spoke up.


"Please sign here."

I signed and collected the package. Who could be sending me a package? Can't be my parents, they don't do such nice things to me. Can it be from Jake? It couldn't be. He is romantic, but he can't be that romantic. The package revealed a gray square box. I opened the box. A handy cam? Why the heck would anyone send me a handy cam? It had a tape
and a letter too. I read the letter:


I know you won't talk to me. I know you don't want to see me. But please at least read my honest thoughts. I met Adam in your home town a year and a half back. I was instantly attracted to him. You won't believe me, but he was my first ever. I slept with him only to be caught in bed by his father.

The experience left Adam very shaky. He reacted...just like you. He didn't want to see me ever again Josh. I then moved here to study. I opened up to my Dad and you know what he did. I was very lonely and I had lots flings after that. I met you and I wanted you like I wanted the others. But you were different. The only reason I was patient with you was because you were very much like him. You were very much like Adam, Josh. You reminded me so much about Adam, that I couldn't just spend one night with you.

The truth is that I loved Adam, but couldn't bear to hurt him. The night he showed up here I was shocked. He told me about you. I hid the fact that I knew you. After you came and saw us, Adam found out the whole truth and was disgusted by me. He left me. He said no matter how much I loved him; I couldn't do something like that to you.

But all I wanted to do is have Adam back. I would do anything to have him back. Only you can get him back for me. I'm sending along a tape which you should see to understand me. And the handy cam as a gift for all the hurt I caused you. Please forgive me Josh. You are my last hope for my life to make some sense.

- Sam

Dear God! Sam was in love with someone? The creepazoid actually loved someone? How could I trust him now?
What if this whole thing is a set up to get me hooked up with him once more?

I put on the tape in the handy cam and watched it. It showed Adam and Sam on a couch and they were talking.
I couldn't hear what they were talking, but I could read their faces. I could see the sparkle in Adam's eye, as if he met the love of his life. I could see the same sparkle in Sam's eye. Then they started kissing each other passionately. Adam walked towards the camera and spoke something. I could make out that he said -- why record our first night? He shut off the camera.

I put the camera back in the box and again took out Sam's letter. I read it again.

Oh dear! Sam was telling the truth. He was seriously in love with my best friend.

I picked up the phone and dialed a number. I stopped thinking whether I was doing the right thing, I just did it.

A male voice spoke up.

End Of Part Five

This episode is dedicated to all those peeps who are gay and married, who are sacrificing their happiness for the sake of their family. Guys, you are doing the right thing.

So who is Josh calling? Sam, Adam or even Jake! Is Sam telling the truth? Is he really in love with Adam? Stay tuned for more.

If you have read this story please do write to me your suggestions/comments/criticism at  It really, really, really helps me write more and write well.