My Belovèd is mine, and I am his.
Song of Songs 2:16
Cam was standing at the sliding door to the
front deck when Kevin tracked him down.
Kevin had been visiting with the guys in the living room when he broke
away to look for his partner. He found Cam morosely staring out
at Santa Monica Bay, watching the waves hit the beach and spend
themselves in the sand before they retreated into the ocean. It
"Hey," Kevin said, putting his arm around his lover and kissing him on
the cheek. "'Sup?" he inquired.
"Just thinking," Cam responded. "It breaks your heart sometimes,
wondering why things happen the
way they do."
Kevin nodded silently. I wish
to fuck I knew the answer to that question, he thought to
He rubbed Cam's back for a moment and kissed him on the cheek again,
rested his forehead on his partner's shoulder, not knowing how to
comfort him. Or himself.
"Let's go out and sit on the beach for a few minutes," Kevin suggested.
"All right," Cam agreed, reaching for the handle and sliding the door
open. They held hands as they walked off the deck together and
down to the
edge of the hard pack. They sat down in the dry sand, just out of
of the more ambitious breakers.
Kevin's arm encircled Cam as they sat there, and he hugged his
partner to him tightly for a moment before slacking his grip.
"I don't think we're ever going to know why terrible things happen,"
Kevin said, picking up the conversation where they had left off.
He sighed. "Not in this life, anyway..."
Cam stared out at the water, watching the sun as it prepared to
He knew he could totally be himself with Kevin, and the tears he'd
been holding back most of the afternoon began to slip down his
cheeks. Kevin's eyes teared up, too. They sat there,
pressed against each other for a long time, just grieving together
about Alex and John.
Hearing a noise behind them, they looked up at the house. Ian
Carson, wearing a big, white apron, had emerged on to the deck and was
firing up the
grills to cook hamburgers. Aromatic smoke from the stubborn
past meals last cooked on the
grills soon began floating out toward the water.
The door to the deck slid opened again, and Father Mason, now dressed
in khaki shorts, a polo shirt and sandals, came out and stood there
talking with Ian for a few minutes. The priest studied Cam
and Kevin down on the beach as he and Ian chatted on the deck before he
made a decision and walked out to where the guys were sitting.
"Hey," Mason said as he stood behind them. The young men turned
looked up at him.
"Hey, Father," they said.
"Please tell me if I'm intruding," the priest said. "I just want
to talk to you for a minute if it's OK."
The guys nodded their heads, and Kevin said, "Sit down,
Kevin and Cam moved apart and let the man sit between them so they
could both hear him over the breakers. Mason looked into their
he sat down and saw that they'd been weeping. He spontaneously
put his arms around them and hugged them before turning them loose.
"I was watching you hold each other while you sat out here," Mason
said. He hesitated and then said, "I saw love at work. I
think about your love for each other every time I look at you
two. You're such great examples to all of us of what it means to
be in a respectful, loving relationship with somebody. Offhand,
and Ian and Mary, are the some of the best examples I
know." He paused.
"I'm just mentioning this because
that kind of relationship is one ingredient for getting through a
serious loss like yours.
"Being in a loving relationship isn't the only answer to grief in this
world, but it's an important one," the priest continued. "I know
much you both cared about Alex and John. I'm not going to sit
preach to you, I promise. Father Ryan will do a better
job of that at the Memorial Mass than I can right now--because I'm
grieving, too. Just let
me say that we really do heal faster when we cling to God and to each
other. Cam, you've already proved that with Kevin's help you know
how to get
through tough times like what
happened to you down the beach. I hope both of you
will let your faith and your love for each other and the love in this
this. This is a real time of trial."
Kevin looked over at the man. "Thank you, Father," he
said. "I know you're right." He cleared his throat,
a little embarrassed, and not used to being so evocative.
"Without our faith and each other and our
family, what would would we be? I don't know the answer to
paused. "Father Jim, I'm really
grateful to have you in our lives. As a friend
a priest." He rubbed the remaining tears from his eyes.
"The family really is the heart of who we are, and you're a
part of it. So, thanks for a good reminder of what's important
when we're hurting so bad. We need to hear these things right
love ya, man."
"Thank you," Mason said quietly. The priest rubbed away the
in his own eyes as
he stood up, followed by the two boys. Mason hugged the guys and
each on the cheek before turning around to go back to the house.
"Hey, be sure to call us when supper is ready," Kevin told
the priest as the latter started walking away. He laughed.
"If we don't get a heads-up, the guys will eat up every
hamburger on the grill real quick before we have a chance
to get any."
Mason looked back and chuckled. "You're right," he said.
give you a shout."
Cam and Kevin sat down again in the sand. Kevin moved as close to
Cam as he could get, and reached over and took his hand. That
surprised Cam, because Kevin wasn't usually as demonstrative as he was
being right then, especially if someone might be watching.
"Cameron," Kevin said, "I just love you to death. You and Casey
mean everything to me. I know you're feeling real
bad right now, and so am I. You've had more than
your share of bad breaks this year. But I'm here for
ya. I hope you know that." He looked at
Cam. "If you and I and Casey have to give up this house now
Alex and John are gone, we can move someplace cheaper we can
afford. Maybe we can get jobs. Whatever happens,
right there with you. You can be sure of that."
"I know. But I hope we won't have to move," Cam said.
"Me, too. But whatever happens, we're gonna face it
together. Period. End of story."
Tears began running down Cam's cheeks again as he leaned into Kevin and
rested his face against Kevin's scruffy cheek. That beard
required shaving more than once a day.
They continued to sit on the beach silently watching the waves until a
piercing whistle from Father Mason up on the deck told them supper was
Kevin stood up and pulled Cam to his feet. The two of them
brushed the sand off their butts and then embraced, kissing each other
tenderly on the lips until finally breaking to go get some burgers
before those boys, those bottomless pits in the family, emptied the
platters of everything in sight.
Supper was great. And plentiful. Despite the sadness that
was affecting everyone, the boys and the adults consumed
everything. Most of the guys joined up for a card game in the
once the table was cleared. Cam and Kevin checked on Casey.
He was happy, being monopolized by Catherine and
Mary in the living room. The little guy
was soaking up all the attention he was getting from the family.
Still feeling the need for some alone time together, Cam and Kevin went
out on the deck and moved toward the beach to take a walk with the
William Carson followed them.
"You guys gonna take a walk?" he asked.
"Yeah," Kevin said.
"Can I go with you?" William asked.
"We kinda want to be alone," Kevin said as he and Cam started to walk
After a few steps, Cam turned around and looked at William, who was
looking uncharacteristically forlorn from the refusal. Cam
head that William should come along, and he bounded down the steps
of the deck and joined them.
Cam put an arm around William. "You're too cute to say 'no' to,
"Hey, thanks!" William said, seldom at a loss for words.
The three of them walked in silence down the beach for a few minutes.
"We've just been thinking about what we'll do if we have to move out of
Alex's house," Kevin finally said.
William snorted derisively. "Well, it's stupid to wonder about
that," he said with his usual candor. "You really don't think for
a second that
Alex and John would leave you two and Casey unprovided for, do
ya? That's ridiculous!"
"We don't know," Kevin said. "We don't even know who the
executors of Alex's and John's wills are."
"Well, you're not gonna have any money worries," William said
"You know your mom and the rest of this family will never let you want
"You're probably right," Cam said, wanting to talk about something
else. "Don't you have any good news from up north to tell us?"
"Here's something," William said. "Berto found out yesterday that
Stanford has accepted him. He'll probably be moving into the
condo in San Francisco with your mom next fall. Unless he wants
to live in the dorms, that is. But don't let on to him that I
told you. Just casually ask him if he's heard anything from
"Wow!" Kevin said. "That's great news! What's he gonna
study, has he said?"
"Pre-law will be his major, eventually. But Dad wants him to take
a lot of liberal
arts courses so he'll be good at speaking and writing," William
said. "Berto's smart as a fuckin'
worker. He'll really do well."
"Yeah," Cam agreed. "Have you heard anything about your own
application to Stanford for year after next?"
"If getting in there were based on all the pussy you got this last
you'd be in like Flynn," Kevin said with a grin.
"Without a doubt," William admitted.
"Speaking of pussy, have you started dating again?" Cam asked.
"No. But when I do, I really want to date Alicia McCaskill
again. Maybe exclusively."
"How the heck are you gonna manage that?" Kevin asked. "I thought
you were in deep shit with all the parental units because you and she
had had a
"Well?" Kevin said.
"How are you going to make that relationship happen?" Kevin asked.
"I'm gonna go to my dad and explain what I want to do. Then I'm
gonna go to Mr. McCaskill and explain I want to date Alicia and get his
"Good luck with that! What if he says 'no'?" Cam asked.
"I'll ask him again, and assure him there won't be any sex, and keep
asking until he says 'yes.'"
Cam looked at William. "Does Alicia want to date you?"
"How do you know?" Kevin asked.
"She told me at school the other day. We eat lunch together in
cafeteria almost every day."
"If you agree to no sex, will you stick to that?" Kevin asked
Cam put his arm around William again. "I think that'll be true,
give your word, you stick to it."
"I will stick to it. I like her a lot and want to hang with
that means no sex, so be it."
"That right hand of yours will be busy," Kevin predicted.
"You got that shit right!" William agreed.
The guys continued to stroll down the beach, thinking about the future
and talking about what they were going to do when summer eventually
around. Finally they turned around and headed back toward the
house. When they got back, Carl and Andy Helder and Dan and Berto
playing cards and were playing four-way catch on the beach with a
baseball in the dying light.
Then they all went inside to shoot
the shit for awhile and play with Casey. The little guy was
walking around and talking up a storm, some of it gibberish and some
not. Everybody just loved spending time with Casey. It was
like watching the petals of a flower unfold as day by day he was
being right before their eyes.
Cam pulled Berto aside. "Hey, dude, you heard anything from
"Well, yeah, I have," Berto admitted, white teeth gleaming in his dark
face as he gave Cam a big smile. "I got in."
"Dude! Congrats!!" Cam gave his bro a huge hug and a kiss
on the cheek, holding him in his arms and looking into his face.
"Why didn't you tell us?"
Berto hugged him back. "Well...I just didn't want to make too
much of it..."
Letting go of Berto, Cam turned to the other guys. "Guys, did you
know that Berto got a thumbs-up from Stanfard?"
Except for William, the boys didn't know, and they gathered around
Berto bumping fists and giving him high fives. Despite trying to
pass it off as no big thing, Berto was obviously pleased with the
accolades from his peers.
At bedtime, the adults, Catherine carrying a sleeping Casey, headed
the boys moved the
furniture around in the living room, making space for the sleeping
pads, pillows and
light blankets for all of them. Cam made sure that Mark Carson
would get to sleep
to Kevin on one side, and the kid beamed. Mark still had a
thing for Kevin, but nobody said anything about it or ragged on him,
and that was a good thing.
Cam took the dogs out to relieve themselves just before bed, and then
into the house.
All the guys had stripped to their boxers and were lying on their
pads under sheets and blankets when Dan Emrick blasted a humongous
There was one in every crowd. After the snickers and complaints
from the long line of guys on the
floor died down, everybody drifted off to sleep in no time.
Almost everybody, that is. Kevin, with Mark Carson on one side of
Cam on the other, moved closer to Cam after a few minutes, reaching out
and clasping his partner's hand. He knew Cam was again weeping
about Alex and John. Kevin moved his head over and kissed Cam's
and Cam fell asleep hand in hand with Kevin despite being horny as hell
for him and
unable to do anything about it. After Cam was asleep, Kevin put
his hand on Cam's chest, on his heart. The strong, steady beat
made Kevin think of the strong, steady love Cam gave his partner.
No holding back there.
After falling asleep himself, Kevin awakened an hour later. All
was quiet in the living room
full of sleeping guys except for breathing and an occasional
snore. Kevin moved over closer yet to Cam, who
wake up when Kevin pulled him into his arms and held him. We'll get through all the shit, Cameron
thought to himself. I love you so much. You're my
heart. You're my life.
* * *
Cam and Kevin had notified their professors and the dean of arts
and sciences that they would be missing classes, and the next few days
at home went by quickly. The guys all paid special
attention to Cam and Kevin and Catherine, letting them know through
their presence they were there for them in their grief without
intruding on their sadness.
Everyone, adults and youngsters alike, stuck to their usual regimen of
rising early and running on the beach every morning. The San
especially appreciated running in the sand, a great improvement over
partially concrete route they took every day when they were
Kevin decided, as he had on one occasion a few days ago, that they were
miles every day instead of their usual
seven. Ian gave him a look the first day, but there were no
On Sunday morning they all went to the late Mass, and Father Ryan
greeted them with quiet solicitude at the front door of the
knew that they were all down in the dumps. The family all got
to sit together toward the front, almost the last spaces to be had that
the crowded nave. Sweet smelling incense rose into the rafters
above the sanctuary when the thurifer brought the
thurible to the celebrant and he censed the altar following the
priest's homily emphasized the Christian testimony to the hope for
eternal life which had been highlighted in the Gospel for the day by
teaching and ministry of healing. When the peace was passed
after the general confession and absolution, Cam and Kevin kissed one
squarely on the lips, not holding back, not caring who saw them.
other announcements, Father Ryan informed the congregation that
visitation for Alex MacKenzie and John Kelley would be Monday afternoon
from 1:00 to 6:00. The
Memorial Mass for them would be celebrated on Tuesday at 10
a.m., followed by a brunch in the parish house. All
parishioners were welcome to attend, he said, to offer thanks to God
with the family for the lives of the two men.
After the Eucharist was over, the family made their way to the front
door of the church to return home rather than opting to go
parish house for
coffee. They weren't feeling
all that sociable right then, especially Cam. Casey fussed a
little bit when they didn't go into the parish hall, because he loved
all the attention he always received there after Mass. But
had the little guy cheered up by showing him special attention.
Not for the first time, Kevin thought about what a good father William
would be when his time to have kids of his own came along.
When they arrived back in Malibu, the boys changed out of their suits
and ties into shorts and T's, hanging up
their church clothes. Later Catherine and Mary went through the
closets where all the guys' dark suits were hanging, making sure that
had no wrinkles and would be ready to wear on Monday for the wake and
Tuesday at the
The Millers had invited everyone over for a swim in their pool after
church, and the guys were eager to do that. With everyone headed
next door, Kevin told Cam he wanted to take a walk with Mark Carson on
the beach before swimming. Kissing Kevin's cheek, Cam told him,
"No problem," and when Mark came along in the line for the pool, Kevin
wordlessly nodded his head toward the beach. Mark and Kevin
walked toward the water, and Kevin patted the younger boy on the back
as they walked along the hard pack, and put his arm around him.
"I haven't had a chance to talk to you this trip," Kevin said.
"How are things going for ya up north?"
"Good," Mark said. "I'm getting good enough grades to be on the
Dean's list at school, so that keeps Mom and Dad off my butt."
"That's excellent. You're really buff, so I take it you're
running and working out every day?"
"Yeah. Never miss."
"Berto work you hard in the gym?"
"He's tough on us," Mark said. "But he's nicer about it than you
and William were."
Kevin laughed. "Surely you jest! William and I
were always the souls of kindness."
"In your dreams."
"Well, I can't believe Berto is that easy on ya, because you're all
buffed up, dude, and looking fit! I'll bet the girls like that."
Mark tried not to let on how pleased he was to hear some praise,
especially from Kevin, because sometimes he felt overshadowed by his
big brother William's accomplishments.
"Thanks," the boy said. "I try to push myself."
"I heard you're doing some dating."
"Yeah? Who told you that?"
"William, I think," Kevin said.
"Well, that's true."
"Are you gettin' any?"
Mark's face turned red.
"No," he said quietly.
"Your time will come, bud. Don't mind me saying this, but please
protection. Don't make the mistake I made and get some girl
pregnant. I'm not saying that Casey was a mistake. No
way. He's a blessing. But if Catherine hadn't been
understanding and supportive,
getting Heather pregnant would have been a much worse mess for me than
was. And for Cam, too. We probably wouldn't even have
custody of Casey if it weren't for Catherine. My dad was no help
at all. He tried to make me marry Heather, or else put the
little guy up for adoption. The whole thing wasn't fair to
Heather, either, even though she wanted sex as much as I did. So,
just be careful when you have sex,
that's all I'm saying."
"I hear that," Mark said. "I will."
They walked in silence for a few minutes.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Mark asked.
"Anything. You know that."
Mark's face turned red again, and he looked down at the sand before
"Kevin, I don't know whether I'm gay or straight."
"Why do you think you might be gay?"
"Because I like to look at guys. You know..."
"What about girls?"
"Hey, straight guys are always checking out the male competition.
Don't think they aren't. Which do you think about in bed, boys or
They walked in silence again before Kevin responded, choosing his words
carefully. He stopped walking, and Mark stopped, and they turned
at each other.
"This might be hard advice to follow," Kevin said. "But I don't
you to worry about this right now, Mark. Your preference for
girls or for boys is going to work itself out, believe me. As
time passes, it's
going to be very plain to you what your sexual identity is. So
there's no use sweating it until the answer is
clear in your own mind." Kevin reached over and pulled his friend
into a hug. "Can you do that for me? Will you do that for
Mark choked up, not used to having anybody other than his mom and dad
be so demonstrative. He finally whispered to Kevin, "I'll try."
Kevin didn't turn him loose right away. "I hope you know, growing
up in this family and being a member of the church we belong to,
that whatever you find out you are, gay or straight, everybody in this
family loves you no matter what. And the Lord loves you. I
you to hang on to that knowledge while you find out what your personal
Kevin leaned down and kissed the shorter boy on top of his head, and
they swung around and headed back toward the house.
"You're my brother, Mark, and I'll always be there for you
when you need me," Kevin added. "What you've told me is
confidential, and I'll never talk about it to anyone, not even
"Thanks," Mark said. "I appreciate it."
The two of them headed back to the Millers' swimming pool, and got
involved in the horseplay there right away. All guys were in high
spirits, as least temporarily. Eventually Kevin organized a water
volleyball game which the guys in the shallow end won. After
drying off, Cam and Kevin applied sunscreen to each other, and then Cam
did William. William and Kevin
have a build on them that just won't quit, Cam thought to
himself lasciviously. And the
younger guys aren't far behind. Cam laid himself out on a
beach chair as the sun beamed down, trying to keep his dick from
getting hard. This is one sweet
* * *
On Monday afternoon, after running first thing that morning and then
one after another working out in the little gym under Kevin's
not-so-gentle tutelage, the guys spruced up and headed for St.
Dunstan's. This was the day the family had selected for a
visitation in honor of Alex and John for those who could not or would
not attend the memorial Mass the following day. Cam noticed that
there was not one complaint or cross word from any of the boys about
having to get dressed up and spend from 1:00 to 6:00 in a receiving
line shaking hands with people they didn't know and probably never
would know. Cam knew that this was their brothers' gift to him
Kevin and Catherine, and he appreciated it.
Tables in the parish house were covered with food and drink, and
replenished often enough to
accommodate what Cam estimated were over a thousand people who stopped
by to offer their condolences and enjoy the refreshments.
Mementos of Alex's and John's careers lined the walls, and many of the
visitors were circulating around the room to refresh their memories
about what the two men had offered to a public hungry for quality
The movie studio with which Alex and John had been associated had
through with a flood of mementos from the two men's movie making
The walls of two sides of the huge room were lined with photographs,
placards of their movie hits, and other memorabilia which evidenced the
two men's success in turning myriad stories and scripts into celluloid
hits which had been acclaimed and swept the nation and the world.
Alex had been a
genius, and John was right up there with him.
Then the day of the memorial Mass, Tuesday, was upon them.
was a madhouse as everybody showered after running early
morning and then enjoying one of Maria's great breakfasts. With
from Mary and Catherine and Ian, Maria cleaned up the kitchen in short
order after everyone had eaten. Catherine had made sure that
Maria knew she was
invited to come to the Memorial Mass at St. Dunstan's with the
family. And she had
invitation, changing out of her maid's uniform into a dark blue dress
and high heels.
Alex's and John's obituaries announcing the visitation and the memorial
Mass had been in
the papers, and when the
stretch limousine that Ian had ordered up to transport the family
rolled up to
church, the huge car was only one of scores of limos pulling up to
the front door carrying Hollywood's elite to pay their
final respects in worship.
Two rows of pews
in the center front of the church were cordoned off, reserved for the
family. Sean and Susan Miller, with Jeff, were to be seated with
them. They joined the many mourners who wended their way
through the nave of the church and found their seats.
Father Mason was also with
the family, having elected to worship as part of the congregation
rather than officiate with the other clergy at the altar.
The Episcopal Bishop of Los Angeles had requested that he be the
celebrant of the
Mass, and the family had agreed. Father Ryan was still to preach,
but any additional eulogies had been eliminated due to the time factor.
St. Dunstan's and the studio had gone had gone all out to honor the
memory or Alex and John. St. Dunstan's choir had been joined in
the rear balcony by
the city's Opera Chorus and instrumentalists from the L.A. Symphony to
sing and play. When the organ, singers and orchestra began to
render "Surely He has borne our griefs" from Handel's Messiah several minutes before the
service was scheduled to begin, stragglers began to seat
The music sounded perfect to Catherine, who was an aficionado of classical music, and
was especially fond of Handel.
The church was packed, and ushers began setting up folding chairs in
the rear and sides of the church as those attending the Memorial Mass
continued arriving. Eventually there were standees left in the
narthex without a place to sit. Cam noticed in reading the
bulletin before the ceremony the family's wishes that any
memorials to honor Alex and John be given as scholarships for students
Glancing toward the back of the packed church, Cam saw his friend Art
Smith standing in the narthex, all dressed up in a dark suit and
white shirt and tie. Their eyes connected, and Cam motioned for
him to come down and sit with the family, and Art walked down as Cam
made room for him, moving people over in the pew. The two young
man shook hands silently as Art sat down. Kevin looked at the
newcomer and gave him a slight smile and a nod.
At the entry to the nave, the sound of a thurible's cover being raised
chains signaled that the service was to be underway shortly, and when a
bell pealed, the
congregation rose as the altar party moved into position to process.
Cam and Kevin watched the thurifer as he headed the procession down the
center aisle through the congregation toward the altar, swinging the
censer in complete 360° circles as he went. The handsome
young man was the regular
thurifer at St. Dunstan's high Mass on Sunday, and obviously knew what
he was doing. The family testified to their training in the
Church by bowing their heads as the processional cross passed by,
the thurifer. The bishop, in chasuble and mitre and walking
behind his chaplain carrying a wooden shepherd's staff, was at the
the procession. The bishop began reading from the Book of Common
they walked: "I
am the Resurrection and I am Life, says the Lord..."
The bishop censed the altar upon reaching it, and then the service
proceeded with opening prayers and readings
from Scripture. Following
the singing of the Gospel selection by the Deacon of the Mass, Father
ascended the steps into the pulpit and greeted all the worshippers on
behalf of the bishop and of St. Dunstan's parish and the extended
Father Ryan began his message by testifying to
the faithfulness of Alex and
John in prayer and worship and service to their parish and to the
community at large, as well as
their faithfulness to each other.
He then reminded the listeners that the Gospel for the day told the
story of Christ raising of Lazarus from the dead, setting forth the
dominical command, "Lazarus, come out" as the linchpin of
his homily. First he spoke of the scene surrounding Lazarus's
family on the day Jesus arrived, late, to be with them--the confusion,
sorrow, the soul-searching as to whether they could have done more for
the dead man than they had done. Ryan spoke about the unwarranted
sometimes torture those who grieve when someone dies.
You could have heard a pin drop as the congregation was drawn into the
Biblical story, feeling the emotions of that long ago family.
"The Gospel of John tells us that Jesus wept for His friend
Lazarus. But what He did not
do was give in to feelings of sadness and hopelessness.
He had to argue with the family to open the tomb because Lazarus had
been dead three days. But when our Lord prevailed and the tomb
was opened, Jesus said to Lazarus, 'Come out!' And come out he
did, to the joy and initial disbelief of the family.
"COME OUT! This is exactly what He is saying to our bereaved
family members today and to all of us present here this morning:
out!' Come out of sadness, come out of mourning, come out of
shock, come out of depression, come out of any sense of
deprivation. Come out and embrace hope!"
Ryan assured the worshippers that on the last
brothers Alex and John will be in the midst of all the faithful with
greeting our Lord at the general resurrection from the dead," and he reiterated the scriptural
witness that even at the edge of the grave, Christians can still raise
their voices confidently to God two thousand years after the Lord
walked the face of the earth--by singing
Alleluias to the Father at the time final prayers are said for the
departed. Because in reality, they are not final prayers at all.
When Father Ryan completed his homily and walked back into the
sanctuary and took his seat, not a sound was heard in the church as the
powerful message was contemplated. After a few minutes, the
bishop along with the congregation rose and the Apostles Creed was said.
At the time of communion, Father Mason took a small white stole out of
his suit pocket and put it around his neck. Leaving the family,
he joined the
clergy and the appointed
laypersons in distributing communion, first to the family, and then to
members of the congregation who came forward in long lines to receive
As the service concluded, the bishop blessed the congregation, and
the organ and orchestra began the introductory notes of the closing
hymn from the Episcopal hymnal, "Christ the
Victorious." A resounding first of four verses reflected the tone
of the homily and the Mass:
Victorious, give to your servants
your saints in the regions of light.
pain ended, and sighing no longer,
there may they find everlasting life..."
On the last verse of the hymn the choir sang a descant which was so
beautiful it brought tears to Catherine's eyes.
Cam didn't sing, but as he listened to the hymn, he realized that
despite his expectations to the
contrary, he did feel comforted by the service. He felt at peace,
least for the moment, as
he continued to reflect on Father Ryan's message.
The extended family went immediately to the parish house, where a
receiving line was formed to accept condolences from the many mourners
who had obviously admired Alex and John and wanted to pay their
respects. Cam and Kevin took turns holding Casey as the crowd
filed past them, introducing the little boy as Alex's and John's
Once again Cam noticed with gratitude the attitude of his brothers, all
of them polite and cheerful as they greeted the mourners who had joined
the family in the parish hall. All of the young men acted as if
this crowd were their one and only priority that morning.
After the visitors left, the family greeted and thanked the bishop and
other clergy in the room, with Ian unobtrusively handing each of them
an envelope containing a thank offering. Catherine made sure that
Father Ryan, especially, knew how grateful they all were for his hard
work in planning the Memorial Mass and seeing it carried out so
* * *
Once back at the house, everyone changed into more comfortable clothes,
and Ian gathered them all in the living room, some of the boys sitting
on the floor. Maria served the adults coffee and iced tea, and
Cam and Kevin helped by getting the boys soft drinks. Ian had
Maria sit down with the family, and then announced to them all that he
had been appointed by Alex and John to be the executor of each of their
wills. No one was greatly surprised about that, including Cam and
"Unless anyone has any objections, I intend to read the wills at this
time," Ian said. "I should add that each of the wills is
the beneficiaries who are designated."
"I don't think it's appropriate for all of us guys to be here, is it,
Dad?" William questioned.
"Thank you for raising the question, William," Ian said. "But it
is appropriate because everyone present in this room is a designated
beneficiary, plus at least several persons who are not present."
Everyone looked surprised, especially Andy
Helder. Dan Emrick gasped, and Jeff Miller and Maria Romero
"Are their any other questions before I begin?" Ian asked. No one
said anything, and Ian began reading the standard words used in
California to preface last wills and testaments in which assets were
bequeathed to the survivors of Alex and John, and with the provisions
both testators were deceased simultaneously, the assets would be
designated in the subsequent body of their wills.
Less expenses attendant to administering the wills and for clearing any
existing debt incurred by the two men, Alex's liquid net assets were
roughly $780 million, John's were $256 million. The Malibu house
land were assessed at $40 million, the Big Sur cabin and land were
assessed at $10 million, and the worth of the Porsche and the
Highlander was unspecified.
That's what a raft of smash hits in
movie theaters will earn for you, Kevin thought to himself,
thinking about the deceased men's assets.
Of the aggregate assets, William and Mark Carson, Berto Hernandez, and
Carl and Dan Emrick were each bequeathed $1 million each.
Mary Carson was to receive $1 million. Catherine MacKenzie was to
receive $20 million. Rosa Mendez, the
family maid in San Rafael, was bequeathed $500 thousand, which would
certainly guarantee a college education for her and her husband's
Vega, the Carsons' maid now working in the San Rafael house with Rosa,
designated to receive $50 thousand. Maria Romero was to receive
$50 thousand. Andy Helder was to receive $200 thousand.
Jeff Miller was to receive $100 thousand, with the stipulation that
prior to Jeff's 40th birthday, expenditures made by him had to be
approved by Cameron and Kevin. Father Mason was to
receive $1 million, and Father Ryan, $500 thousand. St. Dunstan's
was to receive $1 million for their endowment fund.
The residue of the joint estate of something under $1 billion in
liquid assets, less the inheritance taxes but including both real
properties and cars, were to be divided equally between Cameron
The designated trustees for all the boys except Jeff Miller were
Catherine MacKenzie and
Ian and Mary Carson.
Ian concluded by reading the wishes of the departed that all monies
bequeathed to minors be
held in trust until those minor beneficiaries reached the age of 21
unless the trustees made an exception, and
that Cam's and Kevin's liquid funds were to be held in trust until the
of 25 except for $1 million each to be placed in their control annually
beginning at once. The real properties and automobiles would
theirs immediately after the wills were probated.
When Ian's voice went silent, everyone in the room was speechless,
struggling to take in the news they had just heard. Stony faced,
Cam, seated on the floor beside Kevin, got up and left the room and
went out on to the front deck, followed closely by Kevin and then by
Kevin put his arm around his partner as Carl walked up and looked at
Cam. "Dude, are you mad that so many people got some money in the
wills?" Carl asked.
Cam stared at his friend a little balefully.
"Fuck, no," he told Carl. "How could you even think that?
There's plenty to go around."
"Well, what then? You're acting all pissed off about something."
"I am pissed off. That my dad and John had to die in the prime of
their lives. I'll never use a dime of their money without
thinking about that." He looked at Kevin. "And I doubt if
you will, either."
"You're right about that," Kevin responded quietly.
Carl breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness!" he said.
"I'd rather give the fucking money back than have you mad at me,
bro! Or feeling ripped off!"
Cam stepped over to Carl and gave him a hug, followed by a kiss on the
"I'm so happy that dad and John took care of the people Kevin and I
care about the most," Cam told him. "That was the way they lived,
y'know. Always kind. Always generous. I hope to God
that Kev and I will always be as kindhearted as they were. They
weren't spendthrifts, but they didn't live for their money or live just
to make more of it. Dad used to say, 'You don't need big
bucks to be happy, and you shouldn't ever fixate on it or let it get in
your way when it comes to being a genuine human being. How much
money do people really need to live a good life? Never be
greedy!' he told Kevin and me one time. And he was right.
They were never believers in kicking the economic shit out
of the middle class and the poor in our tax policies just to feather
their own nest like some in
this country do. He and John were rich, and they expected to pay
taxes in proportion to what they had."
William had joined them on the deck, listening to what Cam had to say.
"We're all good, then, with the wills?" he asked Cam.
"Better than good, dude!" Cam said, beckoning William over and hugging
and kissing him as he had done to Carl.
William picked Cam up a few inches off the deck and swung him around in
"Excellent!" William said, relieved.
* * *
When he had nothing to do, Eric Clymer frequently sat on his bunk in
thought about his two
partners in the torture and rape of Cameron MacKenzie. He had
been housed in a separate cell block from Pete Murtha and Rory Lomer by
design, and he often wondered about how they were doing. He had
heard from his public defender that Rory Lomer had been placed in
solitary confinement at his own request after being sexually
brutalized. What a
thought to himself. Pete Murtha was made of tougher stuff, and
was doing all right, wherever he was, so far as Eric knew.
God, what a mess we're in, though.
Eric's attorney was working on a strategy which would influence the
judge to mitigate his probable sentence to some degree, but it was
pretty clear to all concerned that all three of them were going to do
some time and register as sex offenders. Meanwhile, Clymer's
mother and father only visited him
when their consciences bothered them, which wasn't too often.
Clymer watched the western light fade in the windows high above
the jail tier in which he was incarcerated. When he was first
jailed, he had
watched sunset come with
trepidation because he knew what would happen to him once the lights in
the cell block flickered off for the night.
Clymer was housed in one of the few, tiny two man cells in an L.A.
jail facility which was packed beyond belief with a third more
prisoners than it had been constructed to hold. The state of
California was working to reform its pardon and parole programs
to reduce the pressure on the jail and state prison systems. But
meanwhile there were far too few
guards to manage too many prisoners, and the surveillance cameras were
few and far between. So what happened in the cells after dark,
for the most part, went unaddressed and unmonitored.
Eric Clymer's cellmate was a huge, muscular Latino of Mexican
was awaiting trial for a murder allegedly committed in the course of
armed robbery. The wheels of justice were grinding slowly toward
a trial date for Jesus Garcia, who unlike Eric was represented by a
public defender. Meanwhile, Jesus had needs...and the tall,
handsome, athletically built young man with whom he was housed had
learned quickly enough what it took to reduce the big man's tensions
and take his
mind off his troubles. It was sex, of course, with Jesus being on
the giving end of things and Eric the receiver.
Once lights-out arrived and the cell block settled down,
Clymer was ordered every night by Garcia to strip and lie down on the
bottom bunk, legs spread wide, sometimes on his back. and sometimes on
his stomach. First, however, Eric had to take his well endowed
cellmate's cock into his mouth and get the man's phallus good and hard
for the activity to come. Clymer was required to lick Garcia's
balls and explore the man's hole with his tongue before assuming a
prone position on the bed for a vigorous and prolonged fucking.
And sometimes Jesus even wanted a second session before kicking Eric
out of the narrow bunk to climb up on to his own mattress, with his
stretched and leaking semen.
The first time Jesus had "requested" Eric's services, the young man had
protested, and had promptly been pummeled into submission before he'd
given it up to his dominant cellmate. It had taken weeks for his
bruises from that beating to disappear. When asked by a guard
where those bruises had come from, Clymer had said he had fallen out of
This particular night, his cellmate was naked and seated on the edge of
bunk with Eric on his knees, and Clymer worked Garcia's dick until the
man's salty-sweet pre-cum had coated his tongue and mouth.
To add to the young man's humiliation, Garcia sometimes used his cock
to smear pre-cum on Eric's face.
If he slacked off during these preliminaries, Garcia slapped Eric's
head repeatedly until his ministrations to the man's crotch displayed
more vigor. So Clymer kept up the pace until ordered on to the
bunk, face-up this time. Garcia reached down and pinched Clymer's
nipples hard, digging in with his fingernails, causing the kid to gasp
pain. Then he squeezed his balls and his pecs hard several times
after warning him not to yell.
The man finally climbed on top of his cellmate. But before
forcing Eric's legs up around his ears and spreading them, he leaned
down and explored the young man's mouth with his tongue, tasting his
own juices there.
"You like the way I taste, boy?" Garcia demanded.
"Yes," Eric told him, not wanting to provoke him.
"¡Bueno!" the man
said. "Now, pull your legs up so I can get in your tight little
Clymer complied, and Garcia put the huge head of his dick against his
hole and then speared him, going all the way home in one swift
motion. Garcia covered Eric's scream of pain with a hand on his
mouth, waiting several moments before uncovering Clymer's mouth and
beginning to pull out and plunge back into his victim's ass,
deliberately giving him as rough a ride as he could. Feeling in
total control, as usual, he long-dicked him for nearly thirty minutes,
gradually increasing the pace until he finally ejaculated, grunting
with each spurt of his spunk into the young man's tight, resilient hole.
Garcia lay there on top of Clymer until his senses returned, and then
contemptuously dumped the kid on the floor to climb up into his own
bed. Always aroused by this time despite the discomfort of
being fucked so vigorously, Eric would always lie on his mattress and
what he, Pete Murtha and Rory Lomer had done to Cameron MacKenzie in
that house on the beach. It had been a sexual high point for
Clymer. Those thoughts inevitably led him to jack himself off and
then eat his own cum before falling asleep.
What concerned Clymer most of all, whenever he allowed himself to think
about it, was that these nightly, often brutal sessions with Garcia
were bothering him less and less as time passed. Sometimes he
even looked forward to being dominated by the burly, muscular man and
then himself getting off. If he couldn't pick his partner, Garcia
would have to do.
What am I becoming, Eric
wondered, sucking dick and taking it
up the ass like this? Am I really turning gay after hating
homo's so much for so long? Or have I been a queer all along?
He didn't know it, but that was the opinion that Kevin Stoltz
had arrived at long ago.
* * *
Every one of the boys had talked with Cam and Kevin privately before
the night was over about what the guys had received in the wills.
Like Carl and William, they wanted to know whether Cam and Kevin were
upset because of the bequests they had received. The two of them
reassured their brothers that they were pleased with the distribution
of Alex's and John's assets, and that there were no hard feelings
about it. So everybody was happy when they crashed for the
evening, or at least as happy as
they could be under the recent pall of death. Cam noticed that
there was no horseplay or joking around
they all went to sleep. Everyone was still somber, if not a
little depressed, about the death of John and Alex.
They were all up early the next morning, as usual, to run their eight
miles up the
beach. Cam and Kevin couldn't help scoping out a
lot of major wood on display when the guys pulled off their boxers to
put on their running clothes. Horny as hell, Cam and Kevin looked
at each other and smiled when they saw all the cock. But they
weren't alone in taking in the naked scenery. William and Berto
were looking around as well as the younger guys.
When they all returned from their run and had showered, Ian and Mary
and Catherine had the San Rafael
contingent pack to return home. Ian was determined that no one
would miss any more school. He told Cam and Kevin that he would
touch with them with respect to processing the wills through probate
and seeing to it that
the provisions in them were implemented in a timely manner, and he
invited them to call him should they have any questions along the way.
There was the usual sadness when the limousine arrived to take the
visitors to the airport, of course. Nothing was said, but
everyone was reluctant to leave Cam and Kevin alone with their sorrow
over John's and Alex's demise.
Catherine and Mary cried and hugged and kissed the two boys before
getting into the
car, and William was slow in releasing them when it was his turn to say
good-bye to Cam and Kevin, also with a hug and kiss.
"I'll call you guys every night for awhile," William promised before
getting into the limo. For a tough, hetero guy, William could be
a totally sweet person.
"Thanks, dude," Kevin told him.
Then the family was gone, and Kevin and Cam were left alone with Casey,
their two dogs, and the remnants of their grief. Thank God Maria is sticking with us, Kevin
thought to himself. Carrying Casey, he took Cam's hand and they
walked into the house together.
Maria fixed them a good lunch, fed Casey, and then the two took Casey
upstairs for his mid-day nap. They told Maria that they would
strip the sheets off the bed in their room where their mother had
slept, and put fresh sheets on it out of the linen closet.
After they changed Casey's diaper and put him down, before they changed
the sheets, they stripped each other down and were instantly hard.
"You can't believe how horny I am for you," Cam said, gently stroking
his own engorged pole.
"Oh yes I can," Kevin said, doing the same to his own equipment..
Cam fell to his knees in front of his partner, grasped and kissed the
beautiful cock in front of him, and then began sucking on it, taking it
all the way down several times. Minutes later, once he tasted
pre-cum, he stood and walked Kevin backward until the latter sat down
on the end of their bed. Following the lead of his own huge
walked over to their bedside table and retrieved the lube where it was
hidden in the back of the drawer so Catherine wouldn't find
it. He greased his boy up and opened him up three fingers worth,
and pressed the head of his rigid cock on his hole until it popped
Their eyes locked together, Kevin's muscular legs on his shoulders, Cam
moved up inside Kevin's tight ass until he could go no farther, and
then lay down on top of his partner.
"Loving you so much, Kev!" he said, his feelings overwhelming him as he
lay there on the body of the man who owned his heart. Their eyes
still focused on one another, Cam began moving slowly in and out of his
partner, hitting his sweet spot repeatedly. It was heaven on
earth for both of them.
A good twenty minutes passed before Cam spent himself. Kevin was
leaking copiously from his dick, but had not yet come. Cam took
the hard cock in front of him in hand, kissed it, gave it a stroke, and
then swallowed it down. Kevin came almost immediately, flooding
Cam's mouth with his seed.
Cam pulled off, and without swallowing, soul-kissed his lover, their
tongues reveling in Kevin's thick, copious essence.
His dick huge and glistening, Cam pulled out of Kevin's body.
Still staring into one another's eyes before they passed out, Kevin
said, "Let's think about getting married. Soon. After this
semester is over. If we can't do it in California, let's go east
and get it done. I love you, Cameron."
Tears rolled down Cam's cheeks as he nestled into Kevin and they fell
© 2012 Don Hanratty
As usual, my apologies for being so slow in posting a new chapter.