Author's Note: Please do not read if you are offended with male/male action or you are prohibited to read this type of material wherever you live. This story is fictional but the places are or could be real. *wink*. Send comments/feedback to

Chapter 1:
Story of my Life

I love summertime. Not because it's hot but because I don't have to put up with school (for a while) and I can go to the beach and stare at the many shirtless guys with their defined pecs and washboard abs. Washboard meaning you can do your dirty laundry on them while they sat back in a jacucci or hot tub or something. Feel the ripple and all. I found myself being attracted to guys ever since the beginning of high school. When I was a freshman, I always got hard in the locker room during gym class and I would stare at the upperclassmen that had the same gym period as me. My eyes wandered all the time but I never got caught. *whew*. I'd look in the mirror while the other guys were changing and admire their defined torsos, broad shoulders and strong backs. My school had a lot of hott guys. I mean A LOT. I'm telling you the truth! Some of those young guys you see in A&F were my classmates! So who can blame me? I mean not all (of course not) but maybe 7 out of 10 guys were hott. The other 3 were probably overweight, too skinny or just plain weird.

I went to a private college prep school in Los Angeles. It bordered the ocean by a cliff and we had our own beach. So everyone here was pretty much rich, smart and/or good looking. There were so many (not-so-smart) jocks here that had rich parents that were able to afford the tuition AND some pimped up ride. A lot of them didn't do so well academically but they did well in sports and that kept them in school.

You're probably thinking that I'm one of those jocks or people who owned a BMW and had a lot of cash to spend. You thought wrong. So wrong. Unlike most of the people in this school, I was given a scholarship to come here. I never told any of my friends because it didn't feel right. I didn't have parents who were loaded with cash nor did I have an awesome ride to get me from point A to B.

I wasn't the outcast either. I fit in pretty well and I talked to everyone. People always saw me as someone friendly but they didn't know I was miserable. Besides, my sexual identity crisis (or what I thought it was), I had parents that didn't care about what I did at school. They didn't know how lucky I was to be given the opportunity to attend a fancy college prep school that had an admission process and only select the best out of the best (*rolls eyes*). Ok not everyone here was the academically inclined considering most of the jocks are B or C average students.

They never asked for my report card or usher me into being more involved with my school. They never went to parent teacher conferences. Not once. I got pretty much Straight A's with the exception of one B that ruined my GPA and class standing. As long as I stayed out of trouble, then I was okay, I guess. It's not like they cared about me. Sometimes I wished that they were a bit more curious about what goes on with school and me. They had this stupid cultural complex that probably affected their judgment.

They would always tell me how they grew up and what they never had. Yeah right! Like I have anything right now to begin with! Sometimes I would cuss at them using the `F' word or the `S' word telling them to shut up. They reciprocated with the back of their hand.

So pretty much growing up under their roof wasn't the best because I never really got what I wanted. Eventually I do end up with what I want but not for a while. And they always ask me why I have this `attitude' problem. Bullshit. It wouldn't hurt to give a kid a few things here and there.

Money wasn't an issue. As far as I knew, my mom and dad made a lot despite them not going to college. Ok fine they did go to college but it wasn't a U.S. college and they couldn't really apply their degrees here. Well my mom sorta did. Anyway, you want to know what pissed me off more? They never had a fucking college fund for me! Not since Day 1 when I came out of my mom! They expected me to go to the local community college after high school and then transfer out. They claim by then they will have saved up enough. More bull!

Why on earth would I go to a community college when the stuff they teach at my school are harder and they work us like dogs. And in my junior year I was in this program where I took classes at a nearby community college and came out with 32 credit hours! YAY!

Did my parents care? F--k no. They didn't even know what a credit was. Ok just so everyone knows, my parents do speak English pretty well, it's just that they didn't grow up here so they don't know what it's like to be Americanized.

And in my senior year, I was able to attend USC through this special program called Quick Start where a handful of students from the best high schools across the country are given the opportunity to take up college level courses and be a year ahead. Luckily, I'd be two years ahead. Attending USC for a while was awesome. I made some new friends who didn't care how much lunch money I got during the week or what kind of car I drove, where my family is heading for vacation and how many bathrooms I have in my house.

By the end of my senior year, I had a total of 54 credits. 6 of them came from AP Literature. Did my parents care? Hell No. They were just like `Good job, son, on getting an A.' WTF?! I got credits too not only grades! Grrr. And you want to know what sucks more? Their ignorance led them to believe that I will still be attending that local community college near our house.

Aside from my problem with my parents, school was a social nightmare. Besides the workload, the students here were vicious. It's either you were in or out. I had to be careful that no one suspected me checking out guys left and right. I never joined football, basketball, hockey or lacrosse because that's where all the hott guys were. I mean sizzling hott. One look from them would make you sweat.

I did have the nerve to join the swim team and the tennis team. My friend Michael who played almost every sport forced me into it. He was total eye candy for me. His presence sent a `sex' rush through my body. At one point it got so hott looking at him at the pool that I had to excuse myself from practice and jack off in the locker room.

So basically I've been scamming on guys throughout my high school years. During my sophomore year, I made a list of who I wanted to lose my virginity to but that didn't help because after using the guys on the list for my jerk off sessions, I had to erase their name because I wasn't feeling them anymore. Not like I've felt them in the first place.

One time there was this guy named Jude who always worked out at the gym at 3 pm because that was his free period. I loved looking at him because he had an awesome body. Something I'd like to run my organ over. While he was working out, I found that his locker was open and being so turned on by the moment, I snatched his boxers and spilled myself all over them. I felt guilty afterwards but seeing him walk through the halls after his workout made me smile. He was wore no underwear. I wonder why. *wink*

I lived thirty minutes away from school, a few miles away from the rich neighborhood where the school was and where most of my friends lived. I lied to them and told them I lived in a neighborhood near the beach and I was very vague about how to get there. Since my parents barely gave me money, I had to get a job to pay for my own expenses. My salary was slightly more than what some of my friends got for their allowance.

After working at two different places, I landed a job at the hospital. One of the directors from internal medicine saw that I had completed most of my pre-med requirements at the community college and was pretty knowledgeable about the medical field. I told him I was going to major in Biomedical Engineering and had my sights set on med school. He was more than happy to offer me a job knowing that he'd have to pull some strings here and there. The pay was good and my hours were surprisingly flexible. At one time, I worked 14 hours on Saturdays just so that I made enough to go on our senior trip to Australia. I had to starve myself for a few days so I could have enough in my bank account. My parents only gave me $100 for my trip think that it was `more than enough.'


I didn't know much about gay sex until I met Kevin. He went to the community college that I attended during my junior year. He was brown haired, hazel eyed, 6 feet tall, stacked up on an amazingly cut 8-pack and was All American. I had my first time with him. The second time, he was rougher and showed me how much of a man he was. He made me scream, howl and whimper for more so many times. After the second time, I got used to it.

He was 19 and I was 16 when it happened. Doing it with someone older and with more experience turned me on. I started to have feelings for Kevin and I wanted something more from him. And then one day it came out. I told him I was in love with him. Whenever he pulled out of me, I felt empty. I teared after our very first orgasm together. He didn't know how he made me feel. What I thought we did that night was make love but when I woke up alone the next morning, I knew I had to be wrong.

I tried calling him the next few days but he never picked up his phone. I left countless messages on his voicemail but not once did he respond. He disappeared. He left me. Alone.

What really sucked was that I had no one to talk to. No one in school knew about me and my parents would probably disown me if they knew because they find it wrong and immoral. What I thought of it was just sex but with Kevin I thought there was more behind it. I loved the way he made me feel. He was a retreat for me. He probably thought I was some lovesick teenager who had no idea what he was talking about.

After that whole ordeal, I was a wreck at school. I put on this mask letting everyone think that it was ok but it wasn't. How could someone just disappear like that? I didn't find him at the community college either. I begged the registrar for his schedule. She thought I was crazy and had me escorted off of campus by Public Safety.

Withdrawal from sex with someone like Kevin is bad. Feeling him between my legs as he powerfully thrusted into me to send me over the edge was like some remedy that sunk into my bloodstream, sending a rush towards my head and made me feel woozy inside. Now it was gone. Withdrawal from my drug made me `twitch' and made me irritable. He had no idea what he did to me. No idea whatsoever of what he meant to me as well.

That night I had a nervous breakdown. I just wept to myself because the world was cruel. I wept more when I realized how much of a pussy I was being. Did I want something more with Kevin? Or was it just because the sex was amazing and took me to the heights of pleasure? Now I would never know.

In a few hours I underwent this transformation. I became bitter and my insides were scorned. The next morning I stood up and looked at the reflection in the mirror. It was no longer I. I was someone else. Sex was a drug for me. I should never have let him in.

Thank god he used a condom.

- - - -

After the whole Kevin ordeal, my sex life wasn't exciting. Well it was because I managed to sweat but it wasn't the way I sweated when I was with Kevin. Asshole. I never hit off with anyone at school. I was afraid of telling them of how I felt. People would hate me and beat me up if they knew. I didn't have any close friends to confide in. Not that I was unfriendly or anything. I just didn't let anyone in. I thought I had that with Kevin as well but it was a slap in the face instead.

I wasn't abstinent or anything. If anything, I felt slutty opening myself up for any hott guy I encountered. I met some at some UC parties that I was invited to by means of the friends I made at USC. College guys do it so well. What was hotter was that they didn't know I was only a high school senior. I liked it when we'd go to their dorm and they'd fuck me on their roommate's bed. I can imagine them washing their roommate's sheets, trying to purge our dirty secret. Frat guys were a plus. Some of them didn't kiss or anything. Instead of a `Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang,' it was more like `lick, suck,' then the two bangs. And those bangs were hott and heavy.

I did meet this guy my age at one of the parties. He went to an all boys' school somewhere in The Orange region. He probably didn't know I was some sort of slut (well in a way) because he went slowly. Afterwards, we got to know each other. Usually people get to know who they're fucking first before the actual thing. I guess I was an exception. He reminded me so much of Kevin.

You're all probably going to hate me for what I did after we fucked a few more times after.

I pushed him away. Just like that. Secretly I knew I had this paranoia of starting a new `relationship.' Hell, I was attracted to the guy but I still couldn't get over what happened to me with Kevin. I needed to let it out somehow and forget about the whole thing but it just wasn't working that way. I was sad that he took it the wrong way but he still appeared before my doorstep before he left for Stanford University. Yup. I was being fucked by one of tomorrow's future leaders.

He pulled me into a kiss and whispered into my ear, "I'm going to miss you."

With that he took out a piece of notebook paper with all of his contact info and slid it into the waistband of my boxers!

- - - -

You can say that I unleashed my frustration (both emotional and sexual) on other guys. College guys mostly. Just when I thought that I wanted a relationship with Kevin, I realized how terrified I was of it. It scared the crap out of me. Like I said I was bitter and I realized that Kevin went to a community college. Oh please. I could do so much better than that.

I never did it when any of the guys at school. I just wasn't driven to seduce them or anything. I was a wreck then. I still am. I don't know why on earth I engaged in the things that I do. And the worst part is that I never confided in any of my friends from school. A lot of them were trying to understand me. Trying so hard to see the person I was faking to be. Not confiding in anyone means an internal explosion that leaves you fuming elsewhere.

Basically I was someone else when I prowled the other side of town or on college campus parties. I was so damned and surprise that no one from my school was cool enough to be at these parties. And the parties where I hooked up with guys were indeed cool. I never did connect with any of the guys I messed around with except for the Stanford bound stud who I sort of pushed away. So most of them were flings.

So that's I what I pretty much did in high school during my spare time. Rather than what, it was also `who'--

"Would you stop daydreaming?"

I was brought back to reality by the sound of an all too familiar voice after reminiscing about my last two years in high school. I looked up to see Michael with that big smile he almost always wore on his face. We were at a beach mansion that belonged to my friend Adrienne, one of my friends who never gave up on me. I knew she secretly wanted to sleep with me, but I lied telling her I was waiting for marriage. A lot of people thought it was cool but then pretty much everyone knew I was a virgin *smirks* and a lot of cheerleaders put me on their to-do list.

Of course some people didn't believe me but they were those lowlife outcasts who secretly wanted me as well. I was so wanted by a lot of people yet I was still miserable. Screw you Kevin. This is your entire fault!

"Find any hot ladies out there, buddy?" Mike asked joining me at the balcony that overlooked the entire beach. Adrienne's manor bounded her private beach from the one open to the public. Like I said I had a lot of rich friends.

"Yeah. A whole lot. Too bad I didn't bring my binoculars." I smirked knowing I would be more interested in seeing Mike shirtless.

"Guys, the photographer is here!" I heard Adrienne's voice yell from inside.

Adrienne wanted a picture with me and Mike and she wanted to hire a professional photographer to capture the moment before we would soon be separated from each other. Of all the people that I did meet in high school, I knew that I would miss Mike and Adrienne the most. Mike was always able to put a smile on my face. He's the super friendly guy that would go to Palau and give free health care.

We ended up doing a threesome-like portrait. The photographer liked the balcony on the opposite side of the manor because of the beach and mountain backdrop. The best shot was where Mike was leaning against the balcony looking towards who knows where and Adrienne wrapping her arms around him and me wrapping around my arms around Adrienne.

It looked like some promo picture for a TV series involving a love triangle. I was the guy who the girl fell in love with and Mike was the best friend who had feelings for the girl too. *hehe*. If they only knew the truth.

"I'm going to miss you two," Adrienne said, as Mike and I were about to leave.

"That's the millionth time you've said that. Literally," Mike replied.

I smiled at her. "Don't worry. I'll be in-between you guys. Mike will be on the east coast. You'll be in Berkeley and I'll be in the Midwest."

"I'll visit you at NMU and you can take me around downtown Chicago!"

"Hey don't forget about me!" Mike frowned.

"And we'll both visit you in Long Island," I said patting Mike's head. I loved doing that to him. Most people would be annoyed by being petted but Mike was my boy. I mean, not in that dog type of way. His head was just so cute and he does the cutest things with his eyes when I do pet him.

"I'll see you two at the airport tomorrow?" Adrienne asked. She was leaving tomorrow. She also had to attend her sister's wedding in San Francisco and by the time the wedding would be finished, it was the first day of school.

"I'll be the first one there." I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

- - - -

"How come you never went for her?"

I glanced at Mike, trying my best to keep my eyes on the road. The drive to Adrienne's beach manor wasn't exactly safe.

"Oh come on man! She's had the hotts for you ever since our sophomore year when she transferred over."

"Mike, I'm trying to drive." That's me again being passive and uninterested. Fortunately Adrienne and Mike loved me regardless of my icy persona. They claim to have come in contact with that sweet person underneath. I don't know if I myself have met that person.

"Uh-huh. There you go again trying to blow me off."

Oh baby, I'd rather blow you away! *smirk*

"The most beautiful girl in school who looks like Kristen Kreuk's sister is in love with you dude. I don't think she ever settled for you two just being friends."

"Who said we're just friends?" I said giving him that devilish look on my face.

"Ohhh!! You bad boy! You slept with her didn't you? That night at prom--

"Think whatever you like Mike." I rolled my eyes.

"Ok. I knew it. Something did happen between you, didn't it? That's why you never made a move on her!"

"Look, I told you already that me and her will only be friends and I see nothing more happening between the two of us."

"Is there someone else, Miles?"

Suddenly I had flashbacks of Kevin and me in bed trying to devour each other. Then Kevin and me on the floor. On his dad's office table. In his car. And of all places, a dressing room at Sears. LOL.

"There was..." I think Mike got the hint because he stopped asking about her after that.

I dropped Mike off at his house. His house was very modernist yet also seemed to embody a sense of...something else. I always drove whenever we went out. I didn't feel comfortable with him coming to my neighborhood in his BMW and seeing my house.

He always asked if I wanted to come inside. I politely refused telling him that I have to take care of some college stuff. My parents didn't know I was going to NM. Fortunately I got a full ride from this program I enrolled with at work. They were convinced that I had the potential to be a doctor so they gave me the scholarship. Damn. That IS a lot of money.

I guess I AM a bit hard on myself. I was more fortunate compared to other kids who wanted to go to school but didn't get the chance to. Why? I had to ask myself that? Why am I so miserable?

My house wasn't a mansion but it was still a two-story house. A small two-story house, that is. I didn't have my own room until my brother moved out. Being the only girl, my sister Christina got her own room. My brother Chris, who I have not mentioned before, moved out when I was 14. He was very intelligent and AP'd out of many general Ed classes at the community college I enrolled in.

He didn't settle for staying here and attending some low-key community college where most of your classmates would be high school dropouts. My parents weren't really mad when he just disappeared one day. I tried explaining to them why I wanted to make like my brother and leave this place. Unfortunately, being the ignoramuses they are, they only got mad and told me that going to that community college will pave the path of success. I'm not hating on community colleges. After all, I did attend one for one year and that's where I met--


Anyway. Besides that, it IS a good place to start if you are unsure of what you're going to do. I wanted a challenge. I wanted more resources and staying here will not educate me about the outside world. A change of scenery would be nice too. Of all places, the Midwest. LOL.

Illinois to be exact. Another compelling reason was that there were a lot of hott guys there. Especially where my relatives lived. I spent one summer with them because I couldn't stand my parents and had I stayed in California with them, my head would explode. The guys there were all American and most the hottest ones came from the `farm' area. Ok I am exaggerating. More like the area outside of Chicago. So hott. Corn fed, strapping Midwest boys with their "aw shucks" and their beefy bodies. They had a natural good look to them.

Living with my relatives there sucked ass. My uncle was a sperm donor because he doesn't talk to his kids. My aunt had mood swings and my cousins were introverts. The eldest one was the worst. He was so political and always had something to say to me. So I was like "fuck it, I ain't staying here!"

Mike came to my rescue that summer. Being rich like everyone else at school, he flew to Chicago, rescued me from my relatives and booked us a place to stay with his brother Ethan. Chicago was awesome. I felt like a real city boy living there. The whole riding the CTA and navigating your way around. I found it more amusing than downtown L.A. Living there my whole life told me to look for something new. Call me crazy if you want, but that's just the way I felt.

So Illinois it was. Although NMU was a bit far from downtown Chicago, it was in Grimwood♥ and I made some friends there over the summer I stayed.

- - - -

Although my brother left my parents, he still managed to keep in contact with me and my sister. My parents didn't know where he was and I didn't think they cared. I knew he was living in New York. He told me to come to school there but I already had my sights set on NMW. He had already graduated with a degree in Computer Engineering. He had to take out a lot of loans to go to school. Most of his paychecks were used to pay off his debt. He made a lot but his debt was excessive. He did send my parents money feeling that they deserved some. I knew for certain that my mom had a whole lot of money stashed up in her bank. So much for joint checking with my father. My dad was a big spender and my mom usually has to pay for his debt.

Another thing that pissed me off with my parents was that they had no financial planning whatsoever. My dad probably had a lot of debt and my mom was too tight fisted. It doesn't hurt spend a little here and there! Sheesh. Had she been more giving, I probably wouldn't have to work to support my sister and me. I usually gave my sister money because I loved her and she didn't get much from my parents to begin with. My family isn't the best but I'm glad that I had an older brother who cared and a younger sister that cared as well.

It's so sad that my parents don't see how important it is to further your education. They expect me to go to a community college and do something with an Associate's Degree just in case they did not save `enough.'

After doing some packing I decided to go to sleep seeing that I had to wake up to see Adrienne off and I didn't want to break my promise of being the first one there.

- - - -

11:32 a.m.

"Shit!" Was I seeing things? I was supposed to be at the airport an hour ago!

I leaped out of bed, grabbed whatever shirt I could find and sped out the door.

The drive to the airport usually took fifteen minutes but I made it an effort to make it there in five. Stupid slow cars. I made it there in nine minutes. Thank god there weren't any cops.

I sprinted towards the domestic terminal, trying my best to avoid passengers on their way to the check in booths. I wasn't exactly sure when Adrienne's boarding time was but hopefully she waited for me. I prayed she'd wait for me.

You're probably thinking that I am being too overdramatic but this was Adrienne! We went to prom together and went on road trips. As I was running, the world was in slow motion and I began to replay all the times I had with her. I was going to see her again but I know I would go insane without seeing her for a few days. The whole school thought we were fucking around and at one time they thought I got her pregnant. Please. I know better to use my Trojans.

I arrived at the gate entrance to find Adrienne about to go inside. Half of the senior class was there! Adrienne was a very popular girl. If you are beautiful, smart, funny and rich like her, you can't help but stand there as the whole world bows at your feet. I hope she wasn't too mad that I was an hour late.

"Adrienne!" I yelled just when she placed her carry on luggage on one of those scantron thingys.

The whole moment was like a scene from some low budget teen flick.

Everyone looked to find me rushing towards her. Mike, who was holding up his camera quickly, snapped a picture of me. I don't know what compelled me to do it but whatever reason it was, I made a mental note to ask myself later.

I walked up to her, tilted her chin and kissed her.

She cupped the back of my head and opened her mouth to allow my tongue to probe inside. People stopped to stare. Our classmates just smiled and a lot of the guys from the football team were jealous. Her girl friends all sighed wishing that it happened to them.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," I said rather breathlessly, pulling myself away from her.

She didn't say anything. She just smiled at me and her eyes had stars. Oh god. What have I done? I just kissed the hottest girl in school and the whole world is convinced I'm straight. She kissed me on the cheek.

"So I guess you're not mad?" I smiled rather sheepishly.

"Oh Miles. You're so unpredictable. I knew you'd come one way or the other."

"I wanted to do that for the longest time."

"You had me waiting." She smiled.

Suddenly I head the sounds of clapping and random cheers. I turned around to see my classmates looking at us.

"I think you better go before you miss your flight," I said trying not to sound like I wanted to get rid of her.

"Oh please. They wouldn't leave a frequent flyer."

I smiled at her. People say my smile is devastatingly handsome and a lot of girls claim that it made them hott inside. I can only imagine the effects that I could have on any closet cases out there.

Adrienne kissed me on the lips again. "I'll call you when I get on the ground." With that she walked through the scanners with a big smile on her face.

What have I done?

- - - -

"Dude! You were frickin' awesome!"

Mike and I were at Funnel Cake factory, a bakery slash caf where we used to go whenever we were in dire need of a sugar rush. I ordered a funnel cake that Mike and I shared. I loved sharing with him. He made me borrow his clothes sometimes since I didn't really have a lot of nice clothes. Ok fine, I spent some of my paychecks on clothes alone.

"What have I done? I think I lead her on."

"Miles, dude, you have been ever since she transferred over."

"Mike, I don't know if I feel the same way."

"Then why'd you kiss her?"

I think I knew the answer to that.

"Wasn't it awesome, dude?"

Oh god if he says `dude' one more time, I will throw a piece of funnel cake at him.

"Dude, are you still with me?"

I had known exactly why I wanted to kiss Adrienne. I wanted to know where my feelings were. And to be honest I am more confused than ever. I liked kissing guys but kissing her was awesome also. Oh boy, what am I getting myself into? She probably thought I was inexperienced but I had a lot of time to practice with all of my college studs and my Stanford stud. So confused. Someone help.


"I swear. You should be an airhead surfer `dude' on some TV show," I said having heard enough if his `dude's'.

"What can you expect? This is SoCal baby!"

Yep. It sure was. I wondered if I'd miss this place. How can anyone get tired of California? Maybe if people had grown up like me then they'd want a change of scenery.

- - - -

Two weeks later Mike and me hung out nonstop. He was really good at taming my sour side. Had I not known him then I would still be a walking lemon. *smirk*

I was scheduled to leave two days before Mike. He and Christy helped me lug my stuff into his car the morning I was scheduled to leave. My parents were still asleep. I made a videotape for them (YES a videotape and NO, not the naughty kind) explaining my reasons for leaving. Hard headed or not, they were still my parents and parents these days only want what's good for us. Unfortunately my parents don't really know what they want for us.

On the video, I told them I'd be back during Christmas break and if they still accepted me then everything would be ok. For some reason I knew they would because they just didn't have it in them to lock me out.

I only packed two suitcases. I figured I could buy the rest of the things there. Ethan is going to meet me at the airport and I was going to stay with him for a day before moving into my dorm room. I wasn't scared. I questioned my bravery and faith in things. Usually things don't go the way I expect them to go so I prepared for the worst.

Christy cried as she hugged me goodbye. I kissed he forehead telling her that she will be ok and I will come back for her. I am going to make sure that I graduate in two years so that I can help Christy out when she starts college. Med school can wait. Mike almost cried too. I thought it was kinda cute when I pet his head and he'd pretended to be a dog and licked my face. That was the closest thing from a kiss that I'd ever get from him.

I was already inside the checkpoint area when Mike called after me.

"Hey Miles!"


"Use protection!"

I scowled at him, trying hard not to go over the gate and beat him up. Of course I knew he was joking. But he didn't know about my sex life.

- - - -

I arrived in Chicago at 10:30 a.m. Ethan was waiting for me in the baggage claim area. It was so funny that he held up a small sign with my name on it. He hasn't changed at all. He looked a lot like Mike except he was taller, had broader shoulders and messy/wavy/spiked blonde hair. He and Mike both had piercing blue eyes. Like really piercing. They were sort of darkish blue and very unique.

"Hi Ethan." I said with a smile on my face as I approached him. I always had a smile on my face whenever around Mike and Ethan. Even someone like me who has a *cough* icy *cough* persona sometimes will be enlightened whenever approached by these two blonde demigods.

"Miles!" He picked me up into one of those crushing bear hugs that wrestlers do. Oh god he is so strong. I felt my feet almost leaving the ground for a second.

Ethan helped me in taking my baggage from the carousel and walked be to his jeep. Ethan wasn't really a car person like Mike so he settled for "average" cars.

"You hungry?"

"Actually I'm starved." The plane didn't give us food. We had to buy our own and I did not carry any cash with me. I felt like stealing the sandwich of the person next to me. I was that hungry. Stupid airlines.

We decided that Italian was good. Italian food was awesome. Italian guys were hott. One of the guys I "messed" around with was in a mafia of some sort. His dad was a "bad" guy because he didn't file taxes and he hurt the economy. He was an awesome fuck though. I was worried that his dad might catch us when he fucked me on his dad's desk in his own house! It was so hott and we rattled the desk like an earthquake rattles a building. When I dumped him, I was relieved that he didn't send his gang to get me or something. Instead he wanted to know me more and even offered me protection.

When it came to food, I always had a hard time choosing. In the end I ordered a calzone while Ethan ordered a pizza.

"And I thought I was hungry," I said to Ethan after he made his order.

"I'm going to burn it all anyway when I work out later. Gotta keep these guns in sharp and ready." Ethan flexed his biceps and grabbed them. I almost came in my pants. He had really big arms and I got hard thinking about when he hugged me earlier today.

"So you excited about college?"

"Ehhhh. Sort of/not really."

"Don't worry. Freshman year is the time to adjust. I'd give you a speech on what to do in college but I'm sure you've probably heard it a million times already."

"Yeah I guess. But I'm not a freshman."

Ethan looked at me with that questioning look. Mike did the same thing and I pet him each time he did that.

"I have some transfer credits and I have most of my pre-med requirements done. So that makes me a junior when I come in."

"How old are you?"

"I'm going to be nineteen in a few months."

"Dude. That's awesome. I had to endure all four years."

"Yeah I just want to get it over with and maybe go to med school."

"You have everything laid out for you. Wish I had that chance when I was your age." He beginning to sound more like a father than an older brother figure.

"I hope I finish though. I don't want to give up like some people."

"Don't worry about it. If you have any problems you can always come talk to me. Mike told me your parents aren't the best for talking to so I can fill in for the emotional support. You're like a brother to Mike so that makes you family. If you need anything, just ask."

Ethan held out his hand. I was hoping for a hug but I guess a handshake would be good.

"Thanks Ethan."

"No problem, bro. I'm here for you."

I only got to know Ethan when Mike and me stayed over at his place that one summer. He didn't waste time in hanging out with us. I felt like he was another older brother watching over me. Chris was there also but I never visited him because he said he was too busy working and didn't have a place for me to sleep. I liked the idea of having two older brothers. Being in the middle felt right and I wanted to keep it that way.

- - - -

I stayed in the same room that Mike and I shared the summer I was here. I was planning on calling my relatives to let them know I was here but I shook the thought away knowing they'd probably not come see me anyway. I'll surprise them one day.

Ethan said I could take some of his old furniture that he had in his dorm before he graduated and moved into this apartment. He gave me a night lamp, two lava lamps, his leather desk chair (expensive!), a beanie chair, Nightmare before Christmas pillows and some candles. I was going to buy stuff for my dorm but Ethan saved me $600+. Mike is into photography so before I left he gave me a poster of various shots from the West Coast. His intention was to get me homesick.

I didn't bother unpacking knowing that I will be moving into the dorm tomorrow. I took out my laptop because I was bored and since Ethan had a wireless router, I was able to access the Internet without a cable. I checked my e-mail and saw that I got one from Adrienne. I still felt guilty about the kiss. Now she probably thought I wanted some long distance relationship. For someone like me, it's hard to be faithful when away.

Ethan was working out in the gym downstairs. I went down to spy on him but knew better not to do anything because I would have just creamed in my pants. I remember when I had a crush on this lifeguard and I stole his speedo. He caught me trying to cream into his Speedo and we ended up fucking in the pool. Since Ethan saw me as a brother, I tried to stay away from a sexual relation with him. Even in my dreams. Although when I fantasized about Mike, I felt guilty afterwards thinking that I have just committed incest.

I decided to take out my digital camera and take random pictures of my surroundings. I had an 8.2 mega pixel camera that I spent an entire paycheck on. Usually I saved up my money but I was tempted to buy it because of its quality. I took some pictures of myself as well and sent them to Christy, letting her know that I was alright. She didn't e-mail me yet about mom and dad's reaction to my departure. Hopefully they don't come after me. Yeah Right. Airports intimidate my mom and she didn't really know her way around them.

I decided to go to the gym and join Ethan in his workout. He was benching 260 and that made me shy around him. If we were to compare bicep size, then he would overpower me by a couple of inches. Working out is a plus because it helps kill time and keeps you in shape. I had to diet for a few months before I got my 6-pack and I had to do lots of bench presses so that my chest stuck out. Usually Mike and me would work out together but ever since I started working at the hospital and medical facility, I had to find other hours to work out.

After tiring myself in the gym, I took a shower and prepared for bed. Usually my sleep pattern starts at 12 a.m. but I was feeling so drained from the days events. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed. I took one of the pillows and hugged it pretending it was some buff guy's chest. I always slept with my boxers on and that only. Why? Because it felt sexy and I liked the feel of being free down under. J

- - - -

Ethan woke me up early and helped me load my belongings into his jeep. He took off work today so that he could help me move in and accompany me during orientation. Originally I planned not to go but Ethan coerced me into it. He was scolding me telling me that it would be a great opportunity to meet friends.

It took us about 45 minutes to get to the school. Usually it didn't take this long but the road going into town was narrow and there were many cars filled with eager students unlike myself. I was assigned to live in Bauman Hall where most of the freshmen lived. Whoopee. I'm in room 308 which gave a view of the lake and the surrounding forest. It kinda creeped me out because god knows what lurked in there at night.

To my surprise, my assigned dorm was a handsome room. It was very spacey and in the middle of it was a large French window that gave a view of the forest and far away lake. Towards the left I could see a frat house. I smiled knowing that I would probably spy on them if they were to play foo's ball or some contact sport involving a ball...shirtless. The window had a sill large enough to sit on and drawers to store random items.

I decided to take the left side of the room close to the bathroom since I had the tendency to use the restroom in the middle of the night. The wall opposite of the window had a rock-like design to it and the floor was carpeted with a gray/black design. I liked dark colors but not to the point where I would be considered goth or dark emo. Hopefully the furniture Ethan gave me will help brighten up this room a little bit.

The halls were crowded with other people moving in. It took us eight trips to move all of my belongings into my room. Ethan moved some of the furniture around and I let him knowing that he had good taste in everything. I bet he tasted good himself. AHH! Focus! He's your proxy older brother for now, Miles!

I put up posters including the one that Mike gave me and hung them around my side of the room. I loaded all of my clothes into the closet and some other garments in the dresser. Ethan set up the TV he lent me while I worked on my computer. Afterwards I put on new sheets and a comforter on my bed as well as some Jack Skellington (from The Nightmare Before Christmas) pillows that Adrienne gave me on the windowsill.

"I have a surprise for you," Ethan said in a singsong type of way that little kids use when they are about to pull a prank on you.


"Just in case you get bored." Out of nowhere, Ethan pulled out a PS2 from a box and put it near the TV.

"Haha. If I have time, dude."

"Don't worry. You'll use it one day." I had a Ps2 at home and the thought of me bringing it here never crossed my mind. I figured my sister would be better of with it.

"Thanks Ethan."

"You're Welcome. Consider it as a dorm warming gift."

"I guess I will have time over the weekends to play it."

"Aren't you coming home?"


"I mean, to my place. For the weekends?"

"Yeah, of course I'll come visit you! I don't want to get in your way or anything."

"Don't worry about it. I like having you around. You can be Mike's replacement."

I laughed at his comment. Honestly, if I had a younger brother like Mike then I wouldn't replace him for anyone.

We waited for another hour for my roommate to show up. Being impatient like me, Ethan decided that we should go meet with my Orientation counselor and see what goes on in this school. The air outside was so fresh and the campus itself was beautiful. It was like being in an autumn fairytale. Despite it still being summer, the leaves on the trees were golden brown or a dark yellow. Some of them started falling and that added to the effect of being trapped in a beautiful golden brown forest that you would see in those New England Fall postcards. The pictures in the brochures don't do them justice. I followed Ethan towards the field house where we were scheduled to meet and possibly mingle with each other. For some reason I felt positive about being here. This should be chronicled as a turning point in my life. Oh gawd I'm sounding so corny.

Think positive Miles!

College (well this college) is going to be awesome!

At least I hope so.

Author's Note:

Ok the last few lines don't really make sense. Miles already went through college (sort of). I hope you guys like the first chapter. I feel like I made a blog instead of a story. But I promise that it will get better. Send feedback/comments to Let me know what you think and what I can improve on.