This story is fiction. The city of Clifton, and the University of Clifton, exist only in my imagination. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. These stories have as their main character a sexually active gay college student. If this is offensive to you, or if it is illegal in your area, or if you are under age, please leave now.

This story involves a search for personal acceptance, worth, and meaning. There is a religious element in these stories. If you don't like that, maybe now is a good time to leave.

My stories develop slowly. If you're in a hurry, this is probably not for you.

Thanks to Colin for editing.

Constructive comments are welcome on my e-mail at pertinax.carrus@gmail.com.

____________________________________________________________________

Bryce, Chapter 33 - The GLBT Meeting

When Bryce returned to Clay Hall after his meeting with Father Miller on that Monday afternoon, he was pleased to learn that Damon was found to be recovering as expected when he went in for his check-up at the hospital. As Bryce had that meeting at the Newman Center, Damon had been accompanied by both DuBois Kennedy and Sheila Officer. In addition to the news that he seemed to be recovering properly from his concussion, Damon looked much better as well. His bruises were beginning to clear up, and some bandages could be removed, so he looked less like a walking mummy. Most importantly, Damon was in much better spirits. Bryce suspected he had feared the consequences of this visit much more than he let on.

All Damon wanted to talk about was DuBois and Sheila. He was certain that his two friends were finding each other's company very welcome. Bryce listened with considerable amusement to Damon's schemes for getting the two together. Damon as matchmaker was simply too cute to dampen his enthusiasm by pointing out that they were perfectly capable of getting together without his intervention. Besides, it's always nice when your friends are friends of each other. It simplifies things.

Damon was in such good spirits that he decided he could end his unwonted regimen of chastity that evening. This decision on the part of his boyfriend delighted Bryce, but he was also concerned that he not get too energetic, and cause Damon unnecessary pain by irritating any of his still plentiful supply of bruises. They began with some very careful kissing and cuddling, during which Bryce told Damon how much he had missed this, and how much he looked forward to a completely recovered boyfriend. Gradually, he slid down Damon's brown body, kissing a damaged spot here and there to make it better, like his mother had done when he hurt himself as a child. At the end of his journey, Bryce found himself in the sixty-nine position. The thought flashed through his mind that he was grateful that Damon's attackers had not damaged this part of his anatomy. In a way, that was odd, as they presumably were attacking him because of his sexual orientation. Sometimes things happen better than expected. Sometimes odd thoughts pass through one's mind at the most inappropriate times, too. Bryce returned his attention to pleasing his partner, and was rewarded with a generous dose of Damon's sperm.

As the two men lay together, being careful not to put pressure on Damon's bruises, Bryce thought back to his conversation with Father Miller. Maybe the Church could not base its theology on private revelation, but there was no reason Bryce could not base his own understanding on his own experiences, as long as that did not contradict any explicit doctrine. He thought about his conversation with Mike Sandoval. Yes, he liked being Catholic, and, as he told Father Miller, they would have to kick him out. He was not going to cave in and let the homophobes have their own way. He, and Mike, and other like them, would make a difference. And right now he was convinced that his interpretation was valid. He had just taken some of Damon into himself. It was an act of love. For a time, at least, some of Damon was merged with him, became a part of him. That represented the two of them becoming one, just as it said in the Bible about a man and wife, "and the two shall become one flesh." And that was the same as when he received Jesus in communion. That, too, was an act of love. That, too, was a merging of the two into one. It fits.

It was still too soon for the two to spend the night together. There was too much danger of inadvertently causing Damon pain during the night, especially in their narrow beds. So, on Tuesday morning, Bryce found himself alone in his own bed. He arose and made his way to the gym as usual. As usual, Curtis showed up about fifteen minutes after he did. Bryce was very pleased that the first thing out of Curtis' mouth was a question about how Damon was. Bryce was happy to be able to report that his check-up the previous day had gone very well. Curtis teased that things were dull at the fraternity with no more controversy arising from either Damon or Bryce. The agenda for the meeting that evening would certainly not encourage anyone who was hesitating to attend the meeting. Bryce responded that, as far as he was concerned, dull was good, at least for now.

After waking Damon in the approved aquatic fashion, and breakfast, the two made their way to their respective English classes in the Stuart-Warren Building. Before class began, Mike Sandoval called Bryce aside.

"I hear there's a special program sponsored by the GLBT Club this evening. Some speaker I never heard of, but he's going to be talking about the Catholic Church and gay rights. You interested?"

"I just might be," Bryce replied. "I've never been to one of their meetings, but the topic is a pull. How about you?"

"I've gone from time to time, when there's a topic of particular interest, like this one. The meetings tend to be intense, but sometimes interesting," Mike told him. "So, you don't have any commitments to that fraternity of yours?"

"Now, now. Sour grapes do not become you, Miguel," Bryce teased. "But, to answer your question, no. I put in pledge duty during the business meeting last week, so I'm free this week. I'll talk to Damon, and see whether he's interested."

The Milton class was interesting for the tone of the discussions these days. After Bryce's discussion of Milton and Catholicism, and Mike's presentation on Milton and science, there was less of the atmosphere of a Milton fan club than there had been earlier in the semester. Like Ezekiel, they found the idol had clay feet. Yet, there was no denying the majesty of the poetry, providing still another lesson, if another were needed, attesting to the mixed nature of things human.

The hour from eleven to noon on Tuesdays and Thursdays was known as the free hour. No classes were scheduled at that time, which was therefore free for various clubs and committees to meet. It was almost impossible to find a free room for a meeting, there were so many, and therefore many organizations, not just the fraternities and sororities, held meetings in the evenings. This, it seems, was the practice of the Clifton GLBT Club. Even so, it advertised an office in the University Center. After Milton, Bryce and Mike walked over there to find out more about the speaker scheduled for that evening. The 'office' proved to be a desk in a large room with many other desks, each of which represented some 'special interest.' Someone with a wicked sense of humor had assigned the GLBT Club a desk with the Student Hunting and Shooting Club on one side, and the Clifton Latter Day Saints Student Organization on the other. Mike and Bryce found a somewhat intimidated student at the desk, trying as hard as he could to be invisible. He wore ear buds, which allowed him to listen to whatever he had on the iPod attached to his belt. He had his eyes closed. Several shouts from Mike resulted in no response, but Bryce found a stack of flyers on the desk advertising the program that evening, so they each took one and departed, leaving the caretaker still mute.

"Oh, this looks interesting," Mike said, perusing the flyer. "Listen to this: Acclaimed activist Tim Jonakin, a former Catholic, will expose the historical and contemporary crimes of the Catholic Church against humanity. Tim is a member of several secular humanist organizations, including the American Humanist Association and the Freedom From Religion Foundation. We definitely need to go hear this dude."

"I don't know," Bryce temporized. "You already know the kind of shit he's going to be forking out."

"Yeah, but it's fun to see how many errors you can pick out in their presentations," Mike responded. "They had some dude here last year, and I got 101 bloopers before he finished. Of course, some of those were in the question and answer session. Come on. If you don't come, I won't let you sit with us at church next Sunday," he said in a whiny voice, and stomped his foot, like a spoiled child.

Bryce laughed. "Okay, okay! Don't throw a tantrum," he conceded.

They descended to the food court, where they found Damon already there.

"Hey, Damon! Here's the perfect chance to learn something about your prejudiced, biased, obscurantist neighbor," Mike greeted him.

"Huh? Say what?" Damon responded.

Mike handed him the flyer.

Damon took one look and handed it back. "No thanks. I had that dude in my room when I was laid up, and he's as bad as Mr. Aeropostale."

Mike looked confused. "You had Tim Jonakin in your room? And who's Mr. Aeropostale?"

"Never mind," Bryce interrupted. "By the time all that is explained, it'll be time to get to our next class. Let's get something to eat first. Then, if you still want to explore the dark chambers of Damon's mind, you can do it at leisure while we eat."

And so food was obtained, and consumed, while Damon attempted to explain what had happened concerning Josh Young and Robert Blanton. Mike dismissed Josh Young. It seems they had more than one run-in in the past. But he went on at length about putting Bryce on the spot.

Damon interrupted. "I thought you were Catholic, too."

"Damn. I didn't know you knew that. Okay, I'm pulling Bryce's leg. But I do want to go to hear this bozo, and I don't want to go alone. So, how about it?"

"Oh, all right. I might as well waste another evening instead of doing my class assignments," Damon conceded. Then a thought hit him. "You said you didn't want to go alone. Isn't Bryce coming?"

"He kind of made that contingent on you coming," Mike admitted.

"So, you bamboozled me into coming so you and Bryce can go heckle this speaker," Damon concluded.

"Hey, guys! I'm here, too," Bryce complained.

"You stay out of this," Mike teased.

Bryce looked crestfallen, sticking out his lower lip, causing both Mike and Damon to break out in loud guffaws.

After their lunch, each of the three went off to his respective class. Bryce met Caroline at the gym where their karate class was held. He showed her the flyer for the speaker that evening, but she dismissed it out of hand.

"I don't get involved with bigots. Besides, I have a rehearsal," she proclaimed.

"You always have a rehearsal," Bryce complained.

"Not always. Sometimes I have a performance. And then there are classes."

Bryce sighed at her dedication, which left him feeling guilty. Then he remembered something. "Oh, by the way, I heard the School of Music is putting on 1776 later this semester."

"Yeah. I'm in the orchestra for that one," Caroline replied complacently.

"How come you haven't mentioned it?" Bryce asked.

"It's over a month away. You'd probably forget," she informed him.

"Gee, thanks."

That evening, Mike, Bryce, and Damon made their way to the small auditorium in the University Center where the GLBT meeting was to take place. They unobtrusively took seats towards the rear of the auditorium, and talked quietly among themselves until the program began. Someone who Mike said he thought was the President of the GLBT Club introduced the speaker with fulsome praise as an unswerving advocate for the rights of gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgendered individuals.

Tim Jonakin, the speaker, was a young man of about 30 or so, rather thin, and with long, lanky hair of a nondescript color. He was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. He began with a personal biography, stating that he was raised in a Catholic family from Milwaukee. He had been baptized, made his first communion, and even been confirmed in the Catholic Church, although, he said, by that time, when he was 13, he no longer believed the religion which his parents "stuffed down my throat." He also stated that by that time he had determined that he was homosexual, or at least bisexual leaning in that direction. This evoked a cheer from a section of the audience.

"I was lucky," the speaker said. "My family was too poor to send me to a Catholic high school, so I escaped further brain washing." In high school, he abandoned all religion, and adopted secular humanism as a way of life, influenced by the writings of Isaac Azimov. He had major battles with his parents over attending church services. He locked himself in his room on Sunday mornings and ignored pleas by his parents that he accompany them to church. His academic record was good enough to get him into a university, although he never said which one, and it appeared nowhere on his publicity sheets. There, he majored in chemistry, and devoted himself to the life of reason. He said he had never seen or spoken with his parents since he left home for his first year in college.

That was the end of personal information. Bryce wondered, What does this guy do for a living? He could be almost anything. Research chemist? Teacher? Drop-out on welfare?

From this point on, Jonakin devoted his speech to his version of the history and contemporary status of the Catholic Church. "The Catholic Church is founded on a lie. It has been shown that Jesus was not looked upon as a divine person until the time of Constantine, centuries after he lived. Jesus lived with Mary Magdalen, and had children, but they were persecuted by those who gained control of the Jesus movement. All this was proven beyond the shadow of a doubt by such works as Dan Brown's brilliant exposé, The Da Vinci Code.

Oh, oh, Bryce thought, there's historical falsehood number one. That pot boiler proved absolutely nothing except the biases of the author. The only things historical about it are the names of some historical figures. It was a plagiarized work of fiction borrowed from an earlier French work, L'Or de Rennes, and an English spin-off, Holy Blood, Holy Grail, both of which promulgated some of the same fictions. The so-called evidence on which they are based has been exposed as fraud. The DaVinceCode is not even good literature, although it has some good scenes. After all, Brown had to scrape up a totally artificial ending up in Scotland to round out the story.

"There is no mention of a trinity, or any other twisted ideological fabrication until the time of Constantine, who is the real founder of Catholicism," Jonakin continued.

This fellow seems totally ignorant of the entire New Testament, not to mention the writings of the ante-Nicene Church Fathers.

"It is with Constantine that Christianity adopted the hierarchical structure of the Roman Empire, forcing women out of positions of authority, and became the official religion, forced on everyone else. Constantine closed all the schools of philosophy which were based on reason, and made it a crime to attend the old pagan temples, which were forms of gentle nature worship."

I'll bet he has never read Constantine's Edict of Milan. It ended persecution, and gave Christians the same rights as pagans. It most assuredly did not establish Christianity as the official religion of the Roman Empire. Constantine did nothing about the few remnants of the classical schools of philosophy still remaining in the fourth century. I wonder whether Jonakin known Constantine was in the early fourth century. And 'gentle nature worship' my ass!

"Because of all this, I have developed the theory that it is Catholicism which was responsible for the collapse of the classical civilization based on reason, not the invasions by a few barbarian tribes a little later."

You developed this theory, did you? Have any of these people ever heard of Edward Gibbon? The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire in five volumes? It's only been around since the eighteenth century.

"With this triumph of superstition over reason, we enter the Dark Ages, during which no progress was made in human civilization anywhere in Western Europe for a thousand years, all because of the total domination of society by the Catholic Church. This was brought out in the brilliant essay by Bertrand Russell, "Why I Am Not a Christian," written as early as 1927."

Well he got the author, title, and date correct. But the statement, which Russell did make, that the Church had everything its own way during the Middle Ages, only shows the ignorance of both of them about the Middle Ages. Ever heard of the Investiture Controversy? And no one who knows anything about medieval history calls the entire period 'the Dark Ages' any more. Gothic architecture, Dante, and Thomas Aquinas are, I suppose, signs of a lack of progress in human civilization, as is the virtual eradication of the slavery inherited from the 'reasonable' classical period.

"During this period, we have some of the most horrendous violations of human rights in the whole of history. First of all, there are the crusades, unprovoked aggression against a peaceful and more advanced civilization."

Unprovoked? Tell that to the Christians of Syria, Egypt, North Africa, Spain, and later Anatolia, all conquered by military force, who had to labor under discriminatory laws which prohibited them from owning landed property and forced them to pay extra taxes. The crusades were essentially Christian self-defense. I grant him that Moslem civilization in the eleventh century was more highly developed in many ways than that of Western Europe.

"It was also during this period that the Church invented the inquisition, which carried out bloody aggression against another peaceful and rational group called Cathars, which the Catholics maligned by calling them Alibigensians, meaning they had no alibi for their views. These gentle folk were among the first real advocates of gay rights since the ancient world, I might mention, rejecting the Catholic persecution of gays."

Albigensians, NOT Alibigensians, referred to one of their centers, the town of Albi. It had nothing to do with an alibi. I wonder where he got that. And they were not exactly supporters of gay rights, either. The Cathars were dualists, who believed everything physical was evil, including every sex act, regardless of who performed it or whether they were married or not. He is right about the establishment of the inquisition in the thirteenth century. I'll have to grant him that.

"It was about this same time that the Church invented the doctrine that the communion service involved the real body and blood of Jesus. Have you ever heard of such a ridiculous idea? If every one of those little pieces of bread is part of Jesus' body, he must have been the fattest person ever to walk the earth. It was partly to force this superstition down the throats of the ignorant peasants that the inquisition was invented."

Once again, this guy shows his ignorance of both Scripture and the Church Fathers. Sure, it was only at the Fourth Lateran Council that the doctrine of transubstantiation was defined, but it's not necessary to define a doctrine until it's challenged. Challenged by the Cathars, among others, who could not conceive of God actually having a positive relationship with something physical. Of course, he dismisses all the intellectuals of this period as ignorant peasants. Sigh, what do you expect?

"Eventually, the cruel strangle hold of the Roman Church on the people of Europe began to weaken. Refugees from wars in the East brought Greek learning to the West, and the Renaissance was born."

Refugees from those peaceful Moslems we heard about earlier. But the Renaissance began before people like Chrysoloras and Bessarion came to the West.

"Of course, as much as it was able, the Church used the Spanish Inquisition to destroy this revival of reason, persecuting such champions of reason as Michael Angelo, Erasmus, Servetus, and Galileo."

He doesn't know the difference between the Roman Inquisition and the Spanish Inquisition. I never heard that Michelangelo had any trouble with the Inquisition, except in a few modern works of fiction comparable to Brown. He died a Catholic, as did Erasmus, who did have a few conflicts with Church authorities. Come to think of it, so did Galileo, despite his real conflict with the Roman Inquisition. Now I could get to like Galileo. He remained a Catholic even as he despised the narrowness of some Church bureaucrats. Servatus is the odd man out in this list. He was burned at the stake by Calvin in Geneva.

"The Protestant Reformation broke the monopoly of the Roman Church, although some of its adherents were little better. The best of the lot was John Calvin, a Scot, who was a strong supporter of reason."

John Calvin was French. He's got him confused with John Knox. I'm not so sure Calvin was much of a rationalist, either. He was logical, but the assumptions on which he employed his logic were just as religious as any of the others.

"This break-up of the domination of Europe by the heavy hand of Rome eventually led to the triumph of reason in the movement known as the Enlightenment. The high point of that movement was the philosopher Voltaire, who was a strong advocate of atheism and freedom from religion."

Hmmm. I don't know as much about Voltaire as I should. He's included in the syllabus for our French course, so I'll learn more. I did glance at his play "Mahomet." If anyone even attempted to stage that today, the entire Moslem world would erupt in protests. Isn't he the one who used the phrase "écrasez l'enfâme" about the Church? "Crush the infamous thing?" Yeah, Jonakin just mentioned that. No wonder this guy likes him. I need to find out more.

"After the great triumph of enlightened thought in the French Revolution, the power of religion was further weakened. All the rottenness which had prevailed back in the Dark Ages was gradually exposed. One example right here in our country is the famous case of Maria Monk, a poor girl who was raped repeatedly by priests in her convent."

Oh, God! I don't believe it! That old piece of nineteenth-century anti-Catholic prejudice was exposed as a total fabrication even during the lifetime of that poor demented girl, who was used by unscrupulous men to rake in the bucks, just like Dan Brown. And the French Revolution was the bloodiest conflict in Europe up until the twentieth century: not exactly a product of calm reason.

"Of course, the Catholic Church continued to oppose the progress of reason wherever it could. Another American example is the opposition of the Catholic writer Orestius Browning to the acceptance of the results of science found in Darwin's theory of evolution."

I think he means Orestes Brownson. True, Brownson, a convert, opposed Darwinian evolution, for the same reason many other religious leaders did. It was immediately pounced on by supporters of the racial theories so prevalent in the nineteenth century. Darwinians - some of them anyway - believed that some races of people were more evolved than others. Of course, it was always the white race which was seen as most evolved, and therefor superior to all others. This supported the rampant imperialism of the later nineteenth century, and on into the twentieth.

"By the twentieth century, the Catholic Church was intellectually bankrupt, completely devoid of originality, maintaining its position only by frightening ignorant people with fairy tales about the fires of hell."

Intellectually bankrupt? Devoid of originality? Has he never heard of G. K. Chesterton, Hilaire Belloc, Jacques Maritain, Ronald Knox, J. R. R. Tolkien, Bernard Berenson, William F. Buckley, Avery Dulles, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Etienne Gilson, Evelyn Waugh, Graham Greene, Carlton Hayes, Ross Hoffman, Christopher Dawson, Russell Kirk, François Mauriac, Thomas Merton, Malcolm Muggeridge, Michael Novak, Walter Ong, Walker Percy, Fulton Sheen, Helmut Hatzfeld, or Allen Tate? And a good half or more of these guys were converts.

"Despite this intellectual emptiness, the Catholic Church continues to oppose every positive social and economic movement of our times. The Church is responsible for the ecological rape of the planet, with its irresponsible teachings about humans having dominion over the earth. The working classes are kept in ignorance wherever the Church has influence. Science is despised in Catholic schools. Females are discriminated against and oppressed. The list goes on."

Other things and people he is ignorant of evidently include the encyclicals "Rerum novarum" and "Quadrigessimo anno," along with the careers of Peter Maurin and Dorothy Day. What about the theoretical physicist Karl Hertzfeld at the Catholic University of America for over thirty years? How could he have missed Mother Teresa of Calcutta entirely? And the current pope, no friend of mine, has certainly come out as a friend of the environment in his encyclical "Caritas in Veritate," also strongly supporting the rights of the disadvantaged. Bryce smiled. I am reminded of what A. E. Hausman wrote in a review of a rival scholar's translation of Lucan: 'his ignorance embraces many fields.'

Having arrived at the present, Tim Jonakin launched into an impassioned attack on everything Catholic, from the Church's stand on abortion to the ordination of women to gay marriages. Why he should get excited about the ordination of women, when he did not believe in Christianity, remained a mystery. Pope Benedict was labeled a Nazi sympathizer and anti-Semite. After a rousing flourish of rhetoric, Jonakin ended up by asking for questions? There were quite a few, but none of them challenged the basic premise or the factual accuracy of his presentation. Finally, Jonakin said, "So you see, there is no such thing as a gay Catholic. The Catholic Church is the enemy! Écrasez l'enfâme!"

Mike poked Bryce. "Are we going to let him get away with all this?"

"Do we really want to stir up trouble? These people have their minds made up already anyway," Bryce equivocated.

"Hey, you were ready to walk out on Father Payne. This is just the other side of the coin. Point, counterpoint. Stand up for what you believe!" Mike encouraged him.

"Okay. You're right."

Mike and Bryce walked down to the center of the room, where the dais was located. Mike asked to make a statement. Not having encountered any opposition thus far, Jonakin had no reason to refuse.

"Mr. Jonakin said there is no such thing as a gay Catholic," Mike said into the microphone. "I have empirical proof that he is wrong. Exhibit one," he pointed to himself, "and exhibit two," he pointed to Bryce."

"And, I might add, that is not the only error in tonight's presentation," Bryce added. "In fact, almost every point made by the speaker is verifiably incorrect." There were boos and hisses from the audience. "Don't take my word for it. Check it out yourself. This is supposed to be a university, where students learn, rather than take things on hearsay. Check it out!"

"Homophobe!" someone yelled.

"Hey, wait," another voice demanded, "I had some doubts about some of that history myself."

"What, are you another Catholic?" the questioner was asked.

"No way, but I am a history major."

"And I don't think Dan Brown is exactly an authority on early Christianity," still another member of the audience said.

"Quibbles! The basic message stands. The Catholic Church is anti-gay," still another said.

"But if all the facts are wrong, how can the basic message stand?" he was asked.

There was a chorus of hoots in response to that.

By then, the clamor was so great that neither Mike nor Bryce could make themselves heard, so they simply walked away. Once outside the auditorium, they found Damon, who was trying to avoid being jostled too much.

Damon grinned. "The other day, I talked to Mr. Aeropostale's group and started a riot. I think you two just did the same thing."

Sure enough, inside the noise level was getting louder and shriller.

"What's with that guy, anyway?" Damon asked. "He looked like he was going to have an orgasm yelling about your pope."

"I read an apt description of someone like him in a mystery novel by Ralph McInerny," Mike said. "He described a fallen away Catholic who was not content merely not to believe, but had to hate as well, as 'a lesser caliber Julian the Apostate.'"

"I know who that is, thanks to your Professor Dickinson," Damon said, poking Bryce.

"It's truly sad when you run across someone like that. He has filled with hatred the hole in his soul left by the loss of faith," Bryce commented.

"That's good. Who said that?" Damon asked.

"I did. Just now," Bryce answered.

Mike punched his arm and snickered.

"From what I saw in there tonight, that's a pretty scary hole," Damon decided.

The three men decided that Pat's Tavern was a much healthier place to spend the rest of the evening.