Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2002 17:32:39 GMT From: starsong Subject: Carpe Diem: Part 1 ----------------- starsong sez: Hi there! My first story on the Nifty College section, "Alex and Dan," was about two college students discovering love in one passionate afternoon. Because it was so well received, I decided to try my hand at making it a series, of which this is the first part! Fair warning, though: you won't find the same sort of rampant sex in this series. At least, not in the first few episodes...;) If you want that sort of thing, check out my other story, "Dorm Fun." Enjoy! Carpe Diem Part 1: Fall Winds ----------------- Friday (the 13th) Happy Friday, Alex! Your gift, after enduring five straight days of mind-bending boredom, iiiisssssssss.... to watch fat guys drink beer! Yeah, as usual my asshole roommate had decided to invite twenty of his best beer-swilling frat boy friends over. Forget the Abercrombie & Fitch vision of buff, shirtless guys wandering around with Tevas on their feet and sex in their shorts; these boys were *nasty*. As soon as the first sweaty, hairy failed athlete squeezed his size-48 ass through the door (wearing a "Chick Magnet!" t-shirt, no less), I knew I had to leave. Despite it being the end of the week, I grabbed my backpack and left for the library. I suppose I should introduce myself, since I'm the one telling the story and you'll be seeing a lot of me. Well, not exactly *seeing*... but you know what I mean. My name's Alex, and at the time I was a sophomore here at "The College". No, I don't want to tell you the real name. I'm just shy of six feet tall, with unmanageable dark hair and clear brown eyes. And I'm gay. Totally gay. Hopelessly, strokingly, rolling-naked-on-the-beach gay. Okay, so maybe not quite that much. But I've always liked guys. Trouble is, in college I was a total closet case. I wouldn't even admit it to myself. I knew I liked guys, but in my warped mind that didn't equate to "being gay." Nasty circumstances in my hometown had taught me to feel and believe what I wish, but never to share it with anyone else. After a while, I just got used to living two lives. I showed the world a carefully calibrated shell, giving each person what they expected but never more or less. I don't make friends easily, but when I do, I get very close to them; I only feel safe with those I know I can trust. But anyway, enough background. I was telling a story here... You have to understand that most colleges, driven by lack of funding and the unstoppable drive for modernization, are cursed with so-called "modern libraries", whose stone walls hold nothing but glossy brochures and evil-looking librarians. For all the comfort and meaning they hold, they might as well be graveyards for books. Fortunately for me, those 1970s-vintage cracked-tile-and-peeling-veneer monstrosities have as much in common with our stately building as Richard Simmons has with the Pope. It's the one place on campus I can always go to feel safe. If you go to the library to study, you do it in one of the huge common areas in the front of the new building. If you want to be alone, you're out of luck, unless you know exactly where to go. Like most buildings funded over decades by nickel-and-dime donations, the library is full of odd corners and steps, where different additions met and corridors twisted together. And, if you go deep enough into the library, down into the basement with the cockroaches or high in the tower with the pigeons, you can find places where no one goes. It was in one of these places, high above the noises of the street and throngs of babbling students, next to a shelf full of the "Proceedings of the International Entomology Society" (1942-1947), that I went to put down my bag. Someone was already there. In my spot. In MY spot. In MY SPOT, next to the window, third stack from the left, at the desk with "Girl Power! '97" scratched into the surface. A boy. Asleep. But not just any boy. This boy was a vision in dream and thought, a god with wavy earth-colored hair and a body-hugging shirt, long-lashed eyes resting quietly on copper-colored forearms in the beginnings of sleep. The fading afternoon sun gave him glowing highlights, the light sensually feeling its way across his hair and onto the smooth skin of his neck. I felt like an explorer, having come upon some rare and fragile treasure of the ancient world, afraid to move lest it fall to dust between my fingers. A faint spring breeze wafted through the open window, brushing a strand of golden-brown hair across his face. The boy stirred. Stretching slightly, he turned a bleary pair of heart-stoppingly blue eyes in my direction. "What you starin' at, FAGGOT?" I was on fire. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but my throat clogged up. A familiar hot sweat broke out on my back, and I twitched involuntarily at his assault. I felt shamed and small, even as my survival instincts took over and filled me with defensive anger. "Screw you, you're in MY SEAT, bastard." I didn't even look back at him as I tried to beat my tears in a race for the elevator. I didn't care what buttons I pushed as I mashed at the panel randomly, trying desperately to close the doors and blot out the sound of a wavy-haired Adonis laughing softly at the queer he had Caught Staring. Through summer camp, high school and my few months of college, I had taught myself not to lose control of my emotions. There had always been too much to lose. This time I couldn't hold it back. I collapsed on the floor of the elevator and sobbed loudly as it hummed its way down to the basement. I pulled myself together long enough to get out, and looked around blankly at a very dim place. My eyes found a cracked sign next to the elevator. 2G. Great. I had hit the button for the lowest floor of the library. There weren't even steam tunnels beneath this, just dirt, roaches and dust. Well, there had to be a chair around here somewhere where I could compose myself. Then I could find somewhere else to be alone. I made my way under pipes and flickering fluorescent bulbs until I found a rickety table and chair, thrown together between a wall and a steel shelf full of cracked and peeling books. I sat down and looked at the tile. I hated this. I hated the dark, the dust, and the silence. I put my head on my crossed arms and looked blankly across the room. "It's not that bad," I mumbled to the books. "This can't go on forever. I'll just stay here for a minute and try to forget about it." Slowly, I let myself relax in the cold air of the basement. I heard the hiss of steam as someone turned on a radiator. I heard the creak of footsteps several floors above. I heard the buzzing of an errant fly, stupidly bumping at the giant glowing E of the EXIT sign over the stairs. I closed my eyes and cried softly, listening to everything around me and wishing I was a part of it. Then I heard something else. *creak* *w-w-wobble* **CRASH!** "Oh, FUCK!" I jumped to my feet and started for the stairs, wiping my face on my sleeve. There was someone else here. I didn't want anyone I knew to catch me crying my eyes out on a Friday afternoon. Bet *that* would send my friends running for the hills. My hand hit the cold brass of the doorknob, but something made me stop. It sounded like a guy. What if he was hurt? (What if he was cute?) I sniffed again and cursed under my breath as I turned. I buried the second thought and decided to just make sure he was okay. I made my way to the source of the sound, way in the back of the stacks. What I saw made me stop and stare again, now with amazement instead of lust. One of the rickety steel stacks was tilted at an disturbing angle, several of the shelves empty. A pile of books, at least a foot high, lay on the floor with a slightly bemused boy sticking out of the middle. We looked at each other. "Hi." "Hi." This was turning into quite a surreal moment. I wondered if I should have left when I had the chance. "Ummmmm, you okay?" I asked, not quite sure what to do. "Heh, I think so." (Definitely should have left.) "You, uh, need some help there?" A paperback of King Lear slid off the top of the leaning stack and plopped onto his head. He winced and grinned shyly. "No, I think I've got it under control." (Should leave now.) I gingerly stepped to the edge of the pile and stuck out my hand. He took it, and I leaned back to pull him out of the mess. My gaze swept over him involuntarily. He was my height, with loose blond hair shining platinum under the fluorescent lights. Baggy cargo pants and a clean white Nike t-shirt hid a slender but toned frame. Piercing green eyes met mine as he put his hand on my shoulder, wobbling unsteadily on the scattered books. "Thanks, umm..." He looked at me questioningly. I smiled stupidly back, caught in his gaze. "Ummm, what's your name?" he prompted. "Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't..., I'm Alex," I said, kicking myself. What was I, ten years old? "Thanks. I'm Danny." He looked nervous. "But people just call me Dan." "Oh, okay." We stood awkwardly for a moment. Dan looked blankly at the books as I fidgeted with the strap of my backpack, trying to think of something to say. "So....what happened?" I asked. He giggled, holding up a copy of Beginning Shakespeare. "The library tried to eat me when I put this back. I guess... the shelf must have been loose or something." He waved helplessly at the pile. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with this." "We could try to put them back..." Another shelf collapsed with a rusty groan, adding a complete set of "Stories of the Classical Age" to the pile. I grinned at Dan. "Or we could leave." Nodding vigorously, Dan grabbed his pack and we headed for the stairs. My hormones got the better of me and I held the door for him, less for his convenience and more for me to surreptitiously check him out. We walked up the stairs in silence, Dan looking green again and me too nervous for words. Why was this affecting me so much? It's not like some random guy I met in the basement is gonna be my soulmate or anything. He's probably not even g-, well, "like me." Aaarrrggghhh. Why couldn't I even *think* the word? Was I really that messed up? But what if he was? What if he was into-- *BUMP*. My reverie came to an abrupt end as I ran into Dan, who had stopped at the first floor exit. "Whoa, sorry dude. You okay?" I blurted. Dan's eyebrows twitched quizzically as he looked at me. "Yeah, I'm fine." We stood there awkwardly for another few moments. Grrr. What was going on today? I felt like a fourteen year old at his first school dance, hiding behind the punch bowl and terrified of kissing the girls. (Okay, so maybe that was just me. But I still felt scared.) "So....," Dan started, absentmindedly grinding his foot into the slate floor. "You going to the Tower?" Ohmigod. He asked where I lived! (Why would he ask that?) But it's all good, 'cause I lived... I lived... on the other side of campus. Shit. What if this was the last time I saw him? "No, I live on Hutchinson quad..." I thought I saw his face fall slightly. "Oh, okay. G'night," he said, turning quickly to walk out. Shit shit SHIT! I was gonna lose him! So? Why would I care? Because I liked him. Because he was... he was... No. I just wanted to see him again. That's all it was. "Hey, wait up!" I couldn't believe it as I found myself running after Dan into the warm fall air. He turned around, surprise flickering in his jade eyes. "Alex, I..." He paused. "I thought you were the other way." Whoa. DEEP hidden meaning here. Does he mean... No, no, I'm overanalyzing again. Shit. "No, I'm not. I mean, yeah, I live on Hutchinson, but I... wanted to get something for dinner before I go back." I hesitated. "You, ummm, you want to come with me?" Dan looked at me oddly, like he was trying to read my mind. I started to have second thoughts about this. I didn't think I could take more than one emotional collapse in the same day. My anxiety got the better of me, sending my mouth wandering off on its own. "I mean, just something to eat. If you're not too busy... but I guess it's kind of early still and you don't necessarily eat this soon, but I do all the time and I just thought that since you lived near the Center we might maybe just hang out for a few minutes and..." I trailed off as I saw Dan start to giggle. "What's so funny?" I asked, feeling my face turn pink. "Heh, it's just... do you always talk that fast?" Now I really was blushing. "No, just when I'm excited... or nervous," I admitted, feeling small. This really had been a mistake. "It's no big deal. I'll see you later." I turned to leave, only to hear Dan who call after me. "Hey, Alex!" My stomach did this weird flip-flop thing as Dan approached. Urrrggghh. "Listen, I have a film screening tonight in Hartman, but, um, it's supposed to be over by eight. Why don't you drop by and we'll grab a bite to eat?" Ohmigod. Was he asking me out on a... a... No. We're both guys and it's just a friendly bit of companionship. So why was I sweating? "Uh, sure. Where did you say?" "Hartman. You know, the film building." Right, right. Where was that again? "Okay, okay, sure," I spluttered, trying unsuccessfully not to seem too eager. "I'll be there at eight." Dan giggled and walked off, leaving me grinning stupidly in the fading light. I didn't care who saw me. I didn't even care that I had to spend another two hours waiting in Hell with my roommate. I was going to see him again. (End part one) -------------- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a mean place to stop the story. But that's the way it goes...;) Comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome at: starsong@subdimension.com Come on! Authors are real feedback whores :). See other stuff of mine at: http://www.angelfire.com/ego/starsong -------------- standard legal stuff: This story, its content, themes and characters, are copyright (c) 2002 by "starsong" {starsong@subdimension.com}. You may freely duplicate, reproduce, and distribute this work IN ITS ENTIRETY ONLY so long as (1) no fee is charged beyond what is required to pay for duplication, (2) it is not modified, (3) the header and footer (including but not limited to the disclaimer and this notice) remain intact, and (4) you give the author appropriate credit. You may not steal the characters or use unquoted excerpts.