Date: Fri, 08 Nov 2002 13:09:43 -0800
From: Steve Thomas <s4d@hotmail.com>
Subject: Chris-Crossed-Seth-5

I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning
comments.  There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so
please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read
such, stop here and hit your "back" button.  If it is okay with you, read on
and enjoy.

I also want to thank Nifty for the opportunity to post my stories here.  I
have met some very nice people and afforded an opportunity to express myself
as never before.  The feedback I have received here has encouraged me on to
write more.  Thanks to you all.

>From Chapter 4:

"How can you do that?" I asked.

"What?" he replied.

"I almost wet myself getting to the bathroom, I had to go so bad, and you
don't even have to go?"

"I went about 15 minutes before you did."

"Then you were awake before me?"

"Yes, but I fell back asleep, and woke up when you got up to run into the
bathroom."  He answered.  "I was having this dream after I got back that I
was hugging you and squeezing your - your woody.  Hee hee!"

"Uh, that was not a dream!"  I said.  "You WERE squeezing it!"

"Omigod!  I'm sorry!  I - I really was dreaming it!  I woke up when you
sprung out of bed."

"Hee hee, well I dreamt that you held me all night!"

"That was no dream either!" He said.

"I know! But it was!  And in my dream, I was lovin' it!"  He then flashed me
one of his "the-sun-has-come-out grins!  I guess I finally said something
right.

"I love you Haoli!"  he said, then, "Oh!  Sorry!  I really like you, Haoli!"

Now it was I that was grinning.  "I love you too, Luker!"

What else could this feeling be?

Chapter 5

Etta of course made a fabulous breakfast of waffles, drenched in butter,
with walnuts and home made maple syrup, along with scrambled eggs, salsa,
and fresh squeezed orange and tomato juice, and milk and coffee for those
who wanted it.  When we were ready to leave,  Etta cornered the boys, and I
was close enough to hear what she said: "You boys gonna be nice to each
other - or Etta gonna come get you in you dream.  Etta be watching!"

We said our good-byes to the rest of the family.  Luke spent a long time
hugging and saying good-bye to both Chris and Craig.  I was to take him back
to the airport when he was ready to go home.  I was beginning to hope that
maybe he could find a job near where I lived.

Once on the road, both boys fell asleep.  I'm sure Mel was just a normal
young teen that never could get enough sleep, bit I have an idea it was an
escape for Ed.  An escape from thinking about seeing my parents for the
first time since the altercation the other night.

"So, Haoli, what are we going to do once we get there?"

"It's only two hours, Luker.  I'm afraid I am going to have to look for a
job.  I need to save some money to go to college.  I haven't completely
decided to go to UCSB, like my brother.  I kind of like the idea of
Berkeley.  Chris started out there.  That's where he met Craig and Rob.
They were all involved in the bad side of a blackmailing situation.  But the
butt who was doing it is no longer there."

"Wow!  Blackmail?" Luke asked.  "Was he extorting money from them?"

"Worse!  It was sex.  He was a little pervert, and was getting Chris to
perform oral sex on him, and also trying to get it on with Rob's girlfriend.
  I don't know any more details, but I know it was pretty nasty.  But
between, I think,  Uncle Jake and Rob's dad, they were able to get to the
bottom of it, and transfer to UCSB."

"But, would you get free room and board there like you would if you went to
UCSB?"

"No!  That's what makes it so hard.  That's why I will probably go to UCSB.
But just in case I need to be making some money.  Besides, even if I don't
go to Berkeley, I need to be giving my parents some money.  I'm out of high
school now, and am an adult.  I need to be carrying some of my own weight."

"Wow!  You never seem to cease to amaze me.  Just when I think you are not
as mature as I thought, you come up with something like that.  I'm in awe."

"You are in awe?"  I replied.  "How long have you been on your own?"

"Heh!  Since I was 15.  But I had no choice."

"Hah!  You could have lived off the streets and begged, and sold your bod,
like a lot of kids do!  And man, what a bod you have to sell!  You had a
choice!  When did you finish high school?"

Silence.

Shit!  Why do I always have to say the wrong thing?

"Well, so you go to night school to finish high school!"

"I - uh - I'm sorry if I misled you, Haoli.  I kind of let your brother
think the same thing.  I was a beach bum on the north shore for almost two
years.  For the last two, I have been taking night classes, and working as
much as I could.  It hasn't been easy, because there are plenty who are
available to do the jobs which are available.  And since so much tourism has
been taken away from Hawaii, there are never enough of those jobs to go
around.  My sis has been secretly getting some money to me."  I could see
his eyes getting wet.  "I am so sorry, du -"

"Listen here, Luker!"  I interrupted.  "You don't have to feel bad on my
account.  All that sounds exciting to me!  I have nade some stupid mistakes
in the past year or so.  I'll tell you about them.  Then you won't feel so
bad."  I pulled the car over, stopped and turned to him.  I took both his
hands, and looked into his eyes.  "Luker, I am growing more attached to you
with each new thing I learn about you!  You are starting to seem more human
to me.  When you arrived here, I thought you were this black god, with blue
hair and purple eyes - and me with no chance at all of ever - of ever -
drawing the attention that you have given me!"

"Wow!"  He replied.  The tears were by now rolling easily down his cheeks.
"I - how can I say this without - without sounding - uh - like I had to - or
something - just because you said all that nice stuff to me!"  He shook his
head.  "Damn it, Haoli! It wasn't supposed to go like this."

"What?"  I was now really bewildered.

"Seth, my verbose Haoli - and believe me, I noticed the same trait in your
brother - I now will tell you what I have been holding in ever since I first
saw you.  I told you - or rather asked you - if you believed in love at
first sight."  Luke squirmed a little at that.  "Seth, I was so taken with
your beautiful white face when your brother introduced us.  And you were eye
to eye with me.  My heart flipped at the possibility of connecting with you.

"Then you said you needed more time, and it felt like a slap in the face.
No, please don't apologize!  Now it looks like maybe there may be a chance
that you could - like - me.  I am afraid of getting hurt - again - Haoli,
but I - I - want to take that chance.  Not because of your beautiful face,
but because of your beautiful - well, because you are a beautiful person.  I
want you!"

"Wow!"  I said.  "This is moving faster than I expected.  And it does scare
me.  But - I too want to proceed, to see where it goes.  I hope I don't get
hurt, but more than that, I don't want to hurt you."  I shivered a little.
"Does that make sense to you?"

"Perfect sense, Haoli!"

He pulled me in and kissed me on the mouth, fear evident in his eyes.  His
fear melted away as I kissed him back.  I then sat back in my seat and
started driving again.  Getting back on the road, Mel woke up and said, "Are
we home yet?"

"Not yet, Willie."  I said.  He snuggled back closer to Eddie, who held him
even closer as he went back to sleep.

We had another hour to travel.  It was midday so the traffic was not bad,
and we got home about 1:30 PM.  My mom met us at the door.

"Oh!"  She said, then paused to think.  "You brought a friend!  This must be
the boy Chris told us about.  I didn't know he was coming hme with you."

"I'm sorry, Mom.  It was kind of last minute.  Is it a problem?"

Mom looked at the rather embarrassed, helpless look on Luke's face.  "No it
is I who am sorry!  Where are my manners!  Of COURSE it is not a problem!
Any friend of Chris's is -"  she then got a perplexed look on her face.  "Is
Chris coming, too?"

"No, mom.  Luke and I sort of - hit it off - well, so he will be staying
with me - us - for awhile."

"Oh.  Well that's fine.  The problem is - well not a problem, really, but -
your sister's kids are staying here for a couple weeks.  They are in the
extra room.  Oh, I can move them to the couch, to make room for your
friend."

"Oh, Mrs. Gary!  I can't let you do that!"  Luke said.  "I can sleep on the
floor!  Or in a sleeping bag in the back yard!"

"He could - uh - he could sleep in my bed, Mom.  It's plenty big enough for
two.  I feel almost lost in it anyway.  A king-sized bed for a pint-sized
boy!  I think it's big enough for two pint sized boys!"

"Oh!  Wonderful, dear!  Well, if neither of you minds, that will work fine."

"It's fine with me," Luke said, "We have been bunking together at Chris's
anyway.  I'm not sure I can sleep without him!"

At that Mom gave him a very curious look and he turned a dark red color that
only a dark skinned person can.  I had to turn around and walk to the car -
to get the luggage - so she did not see the glee on my face!  "Let's get
this stuff in the house, I said.  He was beside me in a half second, hiding
his face in the trunk, stifling a laugh.

Tears were streaming down my face, and I snickered only once, and we both
started giggling so hard.  My mom shook her head and trying to act cool
about it said, "Okay, which one of you farted?"  We then lost it altogether!
  "I'll never understand why boys think that is so funny!" She said as she
went into the house.

The boys were still asleep.  Or at least Mel was.  I know that Ed was awake.
  I saw him peeking out once.  He was afraid to go into the house.  "C'mon
guys!"  I hollered in the door.  "Lets get those lazy bums in the house!
Grab your suitcases!"

The boys went to their room and closed the door.  Luke and I went in the
house and straight to my room, and closed the door.  I heard my mom outside
the door in the hallway.  "Did you boys want to take a little nap before
dinner?"

Almost in unison, Luke, Ed and I said, from our various rooms, "Yes!"

"I'll wake you up when your dad comes home, dear."

"Thanks, Mom!"  I fell on the bed and Luke followed me.  I could not hold
back any longer.  I started tt giggle so hard.  Luke tried to shush me, but
I could not stop.  Then he started, and we ended up holding and squeezing
each other, tears running down our faces, sides aching from trying to hold
in the laughter.

"I am kind of tired."  Luke said.

"Me too.  I guess the drive does that to you!"   I got up and locked the
door to the hall and the door to the bathroom, which also opens to the hall.
  I came back and lay down directly in Luke's arms.  We hugged, this time
not laughing, and kissed for about a half hour, both of us straining to get
out of our shorts.  But we did not, we finally fell asleep, and I slept a
dreamless sleep until I hear a knock at the door.  We spring apart like we
were spring loaded, until we remembered that I locked the door.  "You father
just pulled in the driveway, Sweetie.  Better be getting up.  My my, you
must have been tired!  It's six o-clock, and I haven't heard as much as a
pin drop since you stopped giggling!"

Luke did a long snarffle through his nose, but I said, "let's not start
again."  So we controlled ourselves.

We both brushed our hair and came to the table.  Mom had fixed pot roast,
baked potatoes, and broccoli. "Dad, this is Luker - er, I mean Luke.  He -"

"I know who he is.  Your brother told me all about him.  Hello Luke!
Welcome to our family!  Where are the boys?"

"I think Ed is afraid to come out.  He doesn't know what to expect.  His dad
was so - um - hard in everything he did and expected, they just can't
imagine -"

"Well, go get them." Dad said to me.

"Why don't you go, Dear?  Show them they have nothing to fear."

"Why - why would Mel have any reason to fear?"  Dad said.

"You have no idea, Dad."  I said.  "Mel loves his brother, and he is afraid
for him."

"Okay."  Dad went and opened their door, and in the sweetest voice - sweeter
than he ever talked to us - "Come on in to the dinner table guys.  It's time
to eat."

He came in, followed by the two boys.  They took their place to his left,
both still looking worried.

"I guess we need to talk, huh, boys?"  Dad said.  "But let's wait until
after dinner, and do our talking on a full stomach, in your bedroom, huh?"

So they got a reprieve, at least `til after dinner.  They ate - we all did -
like we were as hungry as we were!  We didn't have any lunch, so we were all
hungry.  Even my niece and nephew ate well.  When dinner was finished, Dad
said, "Well let's not put this off any longer.  I want you to be with us,
too, Seth.  What can we do with the little ones?"

"I can watch them!"  Luke said.  "I have a nephew about their age, back in
Hawaii," he said proudly.  He had already been entertaining them at the
dinner table.

So Mom, Dad, Eddie, Mel and I went into the boys' bedroom.  Dad brought in a
chair for Mom.  The rest of us sat on the bed.  Dad stood.  I learned that
it was better for the one in authority to remain standing.  His superior
height commands respect and authority.

"Boys, it seems we have something pretty serious to discuss here."  he went
on to rehash everything Chris had told them, reassuring Mel that he was in
no way in any trouble, but that he needed to be a part of this, reiterating
what Chris had told him about his own determination to break the chain of
abuse started or passed on by their dad.

Explaining this to them gave them room to forgive their dad, while still
holding him responsible to change himself.  This was explained in more
detail than Chris went in to, pointing out that this was why corrective
action was still needed, no matter if Eddie had already shown remorse.   He
even explained to them that rather than calling it "punishment' they was
going to call it "corrective action", to emphasize that he would be making
progress from making a decision to change and then carrying it out.

Before he was finished, he again emphasized the importance of forgiving
their dad.  That their dad's changing had nothing to do with the
forgiveness.  He demonstrated this principle with a story about a friend of
his, a man who's father was a terrible person. The man hated his father.
This hate colored everything the man did.  The father died.  It was not the
classic, "Oh, I wish I had told my dad what I thought" scene.

What was tragic about Dad's friend's situation was that his misery over his
dad continued even after the dad's death.  His father was even controlling
him from beyond the grave!  He explained that forgiveness is more for the
welfare of the forgivER than the forgivEN!  We can forgive someone and they
may never change or even acknowledge the forgiveness - or even admit they
needed forgiveness. So the only one released from the misery is the one
doing the forgiving.

He re-emphasized that just because they forgave their dad was not a reason
to trust him, unless and until he proved himself trustworthy - which may or
may not ever happen.

I was so proud of my dad.  He had learned so much since Chris had come out.
He had read a lot of books, and done a lot of soul searching.  He was pretty
hard on Chris's case, but Chris seemed to be okay, partially because he was
away in Berkeley when he came out to them.

The corrective action was explained in some detail.  They each were to have
a weekly interview with my Dad, and were to tell him how things were going
in their life, including their schoolwork and also telling him about
mistakes that they made during the week.  He told them that because of his
experience, he would be able to tell if they were keeping something from
him, so they should consider this before trying to hide anything.  Also he
got each of them to promise him they would not drink any alcoholic beverage
at all while they were living with us.  He also said, no more violent
movies.  They only made violence seem okay in their minds - and that was NOT
okay!

The last thing he talked about was sex.  He told them he knew they were
experimenting with each other.  They both looked like they wanted to shrink
into the bed when he said that.  He also said that knew that I had been
involved with them.  I turned crimson!  He explained that because of my age,
and my recent maturity, I was no longer to do any of that with them.  I felt
like I was on trial.  I felt exposed.  Like something hugely unfair just
happened.  I had already made that decision.  Didn't he know that?

He explained to them that contrary to what they may have heard, boy's their
age were not able to decide if they were "gay, straight, or bi", or
whatever.  He said that most boys are attracted to each other, because of
curiosity, comparison and also because of their shyness towards girls.  To
brand themselves gay because it was fun to fool around, he said, was jumping
the gun.  Sex at their age was an over powering urge, and any way it is
relieved could seem good.

The boys were rather blown away.  Their dad never had talked to them, other
than ordering them around, and meting out punishment.  They seemed to trust
what Dad was telling them, because of the even-tempered way he spoke to
them, and because he explained everything to them logically.  Too many
parents expect abject obeisance from their children, never telling them why.

After all was said, and agreed to, Dad asked me to follow him into his room.
He closed the door.

"Son, I am so sorry I did that to you!  I felt terrible, but while I was
talking, it occurred to me that Eddie, especially, was probably missing
attention from you.  I felt I needed to make sure they knew a line had been
drawn, and why.  While you were travelling, your brother called me at work
and we talked for a long time.  He told me how Eddie tried to blackmail you.
  Please forgive him for revealing things to me.  He felt it was important -
and so do I.  I hope you can see that."  Tears were filling his eyes.  Mine
too.  I threw my arms around my dad d hugged him closer than I ever had
since I was a very little boy.  He was rigid, not being used to hugging his
son or any other grown man like this.  But I could see relief in his eyes.

"I love you dad!  I was so proud of you in there.  And thank you for this.
It means - so much to me.  Of course I forgive you - and Chris!  But I
reserve the right to blackmail him at sometime in the future!"

Dad laughed at that and squeezed me, then released me.  Then I did something
which even surprised me: I kissed him!  On the cheek.  My dad blushed!  Then
kissed me back!  "I love you too, son!"  And he turned red.

Later on, after we had retired to our room, I was telling Luke about what
happened.  "... and then he kissed me!  My dad kissed me!"  Luke's mouth
started to quiver and then he let out a huge sob, and tears flowed down his
face. "Omigod, Luke!  I'm so sorry!  I wasn't -"

"It's okay, Haoli!  It's just hard sometimes.  I am really happy for you - I
am!  And for those boys.  I'm afraid - my dad - *SOB* - will never relent."

I grabbed him and held him.  "It's okay, Luke.  Let it go!  You are safe
with me."  And he did.  Bigtime!  He cried and sobbed and sighed and cried
some more. Then I taught him the lesson my dad had just taught me on
forgiveness.  I think he was really moved.  "I want to teach you something
else that Rob taught me.  He spent some time - his whole family did - in a
self-realization seminar.  I once got out of control, and he showed me some
things - and more afterwards.

After his cry, we watched a movie.  I had a TV in my room, so we had some
privacy.  Hee hee, I don't even remember the movie!  We had our doors locked
and were fiddling with each other - and each others'!

"I don't know how to say this, Haoli."

"Just say it!"

"You - I mean I wonder - er - uh" -

"This is pretty hard for you, huh, Luker?"

"What I'm trying to say, is - um - you told me that you and Eddie were - um
- I think you said - suck buddies.  I've never done that.  DAMN that was
hard, Haoli!"

"Oh!  You want me to - to suck you?"

"Well, maybe that too, but I was talking about the - the other way around.
Can I - suck - you -er - your's?"

I felt like I was going to come just thinking about it!   I felt a surge of
electricity race from my temples down into my balls, which caused them to
contract as I have never before felt.  A generous spurt of pre-cum came
flying out.  Guess what?  I said okay.  He was definitely a newcomer at it,
but it didn't matter.  I had to caution him about his teeth, and after that
it was not long before I felt the familiar sensation in my balls first then
thoughout my genital area.  I pulled out of his mouth. "I'm gonna cum!"  I
whispered hoarsely. And I did, all over his chest and my stomach.

He looked up at me with questioning eyes.  "Why did you do that, Haoli?"

"It wasn't exactly in my control to stop!"  I defended myself."

"No, I mean, why did you take it out?"

"I didn't want to come in your mouth, Luker!  Geez!"

"Why not?"

"I - we - I've never done it.  That was where we drew the line.  We did not
fuck and we did not swallow."

"Oh."

"Why? - did you want to?"

"Not - not if you don't want to."

"Luker!"  I repeated, "Did YOU want to?"

"Well after the other night when you - uh - slurped some of mine from your
finger - and I copied you - I just thought -"

"I never thought about it, Luke.  We just never did it.  It seemed gross!"

"Was it gross the other night?"

"N - not - r - really."

"Well?"

"I guess we could - maybe - try it."  I got shy all of a sudden.  He grinned
and lapped out with his tongue and slurped up a glob from my chest.  He then
brought his face right up to mine, smiled and swallowed it.  Then he kissed
me.  I was afraid he wasn't going to swallow before he kissed me.  I don't
know why I was afraid.  It WAS me who had initiated it the other night!  I
thought of the shower he had given me, and how I did not reciprocate.  I
kissed him back with renewed ardor.  Then I started kissing down his neck.

I had no idea what I was doing.  With Eddie it was not the least bit
romantic.  We never kissed - only sucked - never swallowed or even came
close to cumming in each other's mouth.  I kissed Lukes titties and worked
down to his stomach.  He had more of a trail going down to his pubes, and I
licked and kissed it then went for the prize.  He knew what was coming, but
he still gasped when I took him in.

I worked him over with my mouth and tongue - probably pretty clumsily, but
this was his first time, so he wasn't complaining.  I could hear him start
to breathe faster and he started to take air in huge gulps.  I kept it up
and even went faster.  He suddenly pulled out of my mouth.  He didn't cum.

"What are you doing!"  I exclaimed.

"I wasn't sure - you didn't want to -"

"Well, I do want to now!"  I said.

And I resumed my bobbing.  He soon was back at his gasping and gulping.
Then I heard "Ch - ghu - ah -"  He started to scream, but thought better of
it, and swallowed it and then he started to throw course after course of
spunk into my mouth, stifling his noises.  I started too late to swallow.  I
couldn't swallow all of it!

When it was all over he almost violently pulled me up and kissed me, sucking
my tongue and as much of his own spunk into his mouth as he could.  I had no
idea how this would affect me.  I was surprised that the taste was not at
all bad.  The other night, cold, I thought it was kind of gross, but not
that bad.  This time I was so into it, it did not phase me.  It was actually
good!  I supposed it depended on what one ate beforehand.  What blew me away
was, even though I had just moments before came, it was still so good to do
that for him.  With Eddie, we took turns being first, because once we were
done, it was no fun to do the other!

With Luke, I wanted so much to do him, and when he came it was such a
spiritual high for me!  Is that love, I wondered?

Luke's eyes were almost glowing, his face, even in the dimness from the
street lamp seemed to light up with his bright spirit.  Did I do this for
him, or is it just my imagination?

______________________________________________________

We woke up pretty early, after our naps and such yesterday.  I was glad.  I
had somewhere to take Luke.  We got ready for the beach, packed a good
lunch, and I drove to Corona Del Mar Beach, just past Newport  It was still
early, so very few people were there.  We parked in the beach parking lot,
then walked to the levee separating the beach from the inlet to the back
bay, or Newport harbour and Balboa and Lido Isles.  I led him over the wall
and down into a cave.  A fat person couldn't have made it.

The passageway led to a larger cave that opened up to the estuary.  Sand
covers the floor of the cave.  It is a favorite make out spot for lovers.
The waves were breaking up the estuary, and there were some beginner surfers
taking long rides.  When the "surf's up" this is no place for beginners.  It
is known as "The Wedge"  the world over.  We put our blanket down and then I
told him what I was up to.

"Remember last night I was telling you about Rob's family and the seminar
they went to?"

"Yeah."  He looked wary.

"When Rob did this for us, there were 5 of us, and it probably works better
with more, but I think it will work anyway."

He looked at me from under his brow.

"Draw a shape of a man in the sand."

"Why?"

"Just do it, k?"

He did it.  A stick figure.  I did too.

"Let's add some detail."

"How much?"

"We want it to look real."

He then took his time, drawing details such as hair, ears, toes, fingers,
and genitals.

"That good enough?"  He asked.

"Yeah," I said

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Do you trust me, Luker?"

"Yeah, but -"

"No buts!  If you trust me, close your eyes."  He closed them, but he was
doing the close-tight-peek that little kids do!  "No peeking!"  Now relax.
He sat down and his face relaxed, eyes closed.

"Now." I started.  "Now I want you to think of your dad.  Think of -"

"Fuck this shit!"  He exploded!  "This is crap!  I don't want anything to do
with that -"

I was on him in a half second. "Luke!  Calm down!  I'll ask you again, Do
you trust me?"

"I don't know - now!"

"Oh.  Well - I guess this won't work then."  I purposely made myself sound
very dejected and disgusted.

"C'mon, Haoli, I just don't wanna play this game."

"It's not a game, Luker!  I've seen it work."

"Well, if it means so much to you..."

"It does!"

"*Sigh*!  Where were we?"

"Your eyes were closed.  I asked you to think of your father."  His face
went tight.  This was going to be easier than I imagined.  "Don't speak to
me, Luker, but I want you to think of all the reasons you hate him.  Don't
hold back!  What has he done to you all your life.  A lot of it has nothing
to do with your sexual preference.  It may be the way he treats your sisters
or your mom.  Try to think of everything you hate about him."  I could see
his face turning white.  (Well, that would be impossible, but it was losing
color) and his lips and jaw kept getting tighter.  His temples were pusating
and he started to breath through his teeth.

"The man you drew in the sand is your dad, Luke.  Show him what you think of
him.  Tell him!  Beat him, Thrash him!"

He half heartedly hit at the figure in the sand, his eyes still closed.
"You can open your eyes, Luke.  I am going to join you!  I started beating
the figure I drew in the sand.  I started yelling at it.  "You ass hole!
How could you be so cruel!  You made your own son be afraid of you!  Scum!
Bastard!"

This gave Luke permission to do the same.  He started thrashing at the sand
like one who was possessed.  I kept up my own howling to encourage him to
let it all out.  After about 10 to 12 minutes, his voice raw and strained
and hoarse, he collapsed in the sand, crying.  I let him cry for a few
moments.  Then I started to rub his shoulders, and back, being sure not to
touch anywhere erogenous.  He slowly calmed dowm and when his breathing was
more even, I said:

"Luke, One day about 23 years ago, there was a man.  A very happy man."  I
basically told the same story as I could remember that Rob told about this
man being happy to have a son on the way.  Then the baby was born - indeed a
son.  The first and only son.  The man was very happy.  He would always
protect this son, and loved him very much.  "Luke, this man was your dad.
You can remember many good times with him.  You know he loved you as a boy
very much.  Because of your dad's heritage and upbringing, he has reacted in
a way to your coming out that seems contrary to the love he showed before."
I said many more things similar to this, in a very soothing voice.  Luke
take my hand."  I pulled him up and wrapped him in my arms and said.  I am
your dad, Luke.  I still love you.  I can't show you right now, but I still
love you.  I wish I could hold you like this forever."

He started to sob again, and held me so close, I thought he would crush me.
"Luke, open your eyes."  He did as he was told.  "I could tell from your
expressions, that you are very much influenced by your reaction to your
dad's reaction to you.  He's not here in this cavern, but thousands of miles
away, and yet he dictates your actions much of the time.  Let it go, Luke.
Forgive him."

"I - I  I - how can I - do that?"

"Close your eyes again."  He did.  I put my arms around him again, and he
hungrily grabbed me back.  "Luke, I am your dad again.  Tell me you love me.
  Say, dad, I love you."

"Dad, I - I - *Sob!* - love you!" His voice broke.

"Dad, I know you love me." I whispered in his ear.

"Dad, I - I -  *Sob!* - sigh - know you love me."  He then started crying
anew.

"Dad,"  I said, "I forgive you."

"Dad, I forgi - forgi - forgi - ao-ou ugh!  I FORGIVE YOU DAD!"  He screamed
it to get it out, then fell on my neck in tears again.

"And I love you, Luker!"  I said.

He opened his eyes and stared into my eyes, hardly blinking, drained of
energy.  I sat him down on the sand.  We watched the surfers in silence,
from the mouth of the cave.  Finally after an interminable time he turned to
me.  "That was - *sigh* - amazing!"

"How do you feel?"  I asked.

"Drained - but somehow clean.  Peaceful - like I can't remember feeling
before."

"I works, Luker!  It worked for me.  It worked for Chris and Craig.  They
both returned to the woods where Rob did it for us, and repeated it for
themselves.  I didn't feel I needed to.  But just now, I noticed I feel
better now myself.  So if you need to do it again, you can.  It helps to
have another guy there to hold on to."

"Wow!"  he said again.

Chapter notes: I have done this - in a group - it does work - for the most
defensive!  Comments may be addressed to Steve, s4d@hotmail.com.  Please
Write "Seth" in the subject box.  Love, Steve