Date: Sat, 03 Aug 2002 10:23:57 -0700
From: Steve Thomas <s4d@hotmail.com>
Subject: Colin's Story 11-12

Please respond if you liked it, at s4d@hotmail.com.


Chapter 11

We wrote to each other, it seemed every other day. I talked a few times to
Aaron. We discussed our plans for the next semester, our dating conquests
(yes he WAS having "conquests" now). I bragged all about all the "summer
fun" things I was doing. I also told him how much I missed him and how I
wished he was here to do them with me. I didn't tell him that my dating was
unfulfilling and that I hardly ever got past "first base". I didn't care,
really, but I just could not tell him. We always ended our letters and
conversations with, "I love you, so much!"

Bobby was really frustrated with me. He did get a job, close to home, and he
did fix me up with girls. He could not understand why I was so unhappy with
them.

Aaron told me it was cold and rainy most of the time in Wellington. The only
real fun he reported was going on a ski weekend with some girl. I was
surprised that New Zealand had a ski resort. He chided me for my gross
ignorance, "You think that America is the only place that has anything,
don't you?! We have beautiful snow covered mountains here!"

Then he called me one day. That was unusual. It was always I that called
him, when it happened at all. He asked me if I could possibly fly down to
Wellington.

"Gosh, Aaron, I'd love that, but it's so expensive. And maybe it would be
better in the summer, say Christmastime, when the weather is warmer."

"Dude, We just can't want to wait that long. And besides, the honeymoon
would be so hot and sticky that time of the year."

I was stunned! What was he asking me? I was just beginning to think in terms
of if I was - I could not even say it to myself in my mind - physically
attracted to other guys -- well actually only one other guy. I wasn't ready
to admit even to myself that I might be - and he was asking me to spend my
life with him? The prospect thrilled me on one hand, and scared, repulsed
and went against everything I ever believed in, on the other.

"Dude! Are you still there? Colin, I want you to be my best man! I am so
happy! I met her when I went skiing. I was with this other chick, and we
sort of collided on the slopes. We started seeing each other -- a lot! She's
the one, dude!"

I had never felt so empty in my life. And I couldn't tell him! I had to act
happy for him!

"Colin, of course you are the only one I want standing next to me as I take
those vows! You're my best friend. Can you do it?"

I felt like I was going to explode any moment. I wanted to cry. I wanted to
scream. I calmly said, "Aaron? I - uh - I think I can -"

"You have to `think' about it? Come on man, -"

"No, I - of course I will be there. I'm so happy for you." And I guess I
was. I was not so happy for me.


Chapter 12


I flew down to New Zealand three weeks later. I was so forlorn on the plane,
by myself. I actually got airsick. Aaron was there at the airport to meet
me. He was smiling and had with him a beautiful, very dark girl with very
curly hair. I was hoping for some time alone with him. Milea was the product
of an American and a native Maori, I learned. Sadly, not many white New
Zealanders would pair up with a native. And she was funny -- really
delightful. I could see why he was so taken by her.

All I wanted to do was cry. I felt so damned selfish. And I had to act nice,
like I was pleased, even excited. This was tearing me apart inside. I got
there two days before the wedding, just in time to be driven from the
airport to the rehearsal. That night, Aaron showed me into where we were to
sleep. One of his sisters had taken over his room, he said, and we were to
sleep in the basement. Again my American ignorance! It didn't occur to me
that anyone in New Zealand would have a basement. When he told me, on the
way home from the rehearsal dinner, I pictured a straw hut with a basement.
What an idiot!

The basement was not huge. It was more like what we might call a one room
bomb shelter. It was a small room, which we had to reach by climbing down a
ladder. In the basement was one twin bed. After we said good night to his
family, we climbed down to the basement closed the hatch and turned the
light on. We both shed our clothes, and were about to put on pajamas, and I
said, "Wait!"

"What?" He said.

I reached up to the light cord in the middle of the room, pulled it and we
were standing in a room completely devoid of light. It was black black. I
reached and found his hand. Both naked, I pulled him up to me and wrapped my
arms around his naked body and pulled him into a close, desperate hug. I
could feel that he was getting as aroused as I was. He started to protest,
and I just quietly said "shhhh" and put my mouth over his. He kissed me back
deeply, our tongues doing a tango in my mouth and then his.

"Dude! We - I can't. Not now! Not here! I'm getting married tomorrow!"

"I whispered, through my tears, "Aaron, I came all this way. This is MY
night. Call it your last fling or whatever -"

"Come on, Colin, let's put our pajamas on." He started to break away.

"No, please,", I said, and I was crying by now, "Don't wear pajamas. I just
want to hold you tonight. That's all. Please. Aaron?"

"Dude, I -"

With that I pulled him down onto the bed. It was cold down in the basement,
so we immediately climbed under the covers. It was a very long day for me.
"God, but I love you, Aaron! God, I do!" I could hold back no longer. I fell
asleep, holding my Aaron so close, with my face buried in his neck, sobbing.

I was in a daze the next day. The wedding was nice. The day was perfect for
it. Spring was fast approaching down under, and it was like a day in late
February at home. You never know about late winter. But their day was
beautiful, if a little cool. The trees were bare, but the reception which
was at the bride's home, was decorated like a formal garden -- beautiful.
Good thing I got some pictures. I don't think I even noticed on that day.
Aaron seemed oblivious to my sadness. I hope he was. The last thing I wanted
to do was to do anything to in any way darken his day -- their day. I helped
to send them on their way, on the wedding night.

Note: Did that drive you crazy?  I hope so.  It was meant to.    I never
promised that Colin's life would be all peaches and cream, did I?  There are
and will be bumps!

I cried as I wrote it, because I just lost the love of my life.  Please
respond if you liked it or not.  s4d@hotmail.com