Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2013 17:59:08 +0000 From: Keith Subject: Coming Out at Uni - part 4 Coming out at Uni - Part 4 Disclaimer: Each part of this story may contain vulgar language and descriptions of gay sexual activity. If such things are likely to upset you, or you are underage to read this material in your jurisdiction you should leave now. This is a work of fiction, and none of the characters are real people. * * * * * * * * * * * * I woke up with a start, momentarily wondering where I was. Josh must have sensed I had woken, he looked round from his desk where he was typing on his laptop. "Hey," he said. "Good sleep?" "Strange sleep," I qualified. "What time is it?" "About five o'clock," he answered. "You've slept for about an hour and a half, I think. I got up about 15 minutes ago." "I've gotta go," I said, and then worried that he might take that the wrong way. "I need to eat, and then get ready for this Hall disco I'm going to tonight with my friend. You could come if you want, I'd like to spend more time with you, but we'd have to be careful, I'm still not ready to let people know." "OK," he said after a moment's thought. "There's nothing on here tonight, so I'll come up to your hall. Send me a text when you want me to come on over." I walked the short distance back to my hall, my mind working overtime to process everything that was going on. I really liked Josh, and he was being really considerate of the fact that I was so new to everything. We'd only just met, and yet I was already comfortable enough with him to fall asleep next to him on his bed, and I was starting to think he could become my boyfriend. On the other hand, I wasn't really any closer to coming out and relaxing into the person I wanted to be. Only Josh and Jen knew I was gay, no-one else had any idea at all, and I was hung-up on how Jake would react. He had been my best friend since we started Secondary School and we'd specifically decided to go to the same Uni because of our friendship. I didn't want that to all unravel when he found out about me, but he had never given me any clue as to how he viewed gay people in general, let alone a friend who had had sleepovers with him suddenly (to him) turning out to be gay. Even if he was OK with that, he might have problems with the fact I had fancied him for years. Nothing resolved, I dropped my stuff in my room and then went and knocked on Jake's door, but didn't get any answer. I found him and Em in the dining room, and after collecting my soup and spaghetti bolognese went over to them, Jen joining us just after I sat down. "Not eating much?" Jen enquired, "no pudding?" "Nah," I replied, "I could do with getting a bit fitter, new start and all that. It'll help with my refereeing too." "Oh, what do you referee?" Em asked. "Football," I said. "Jake does as well. We've both signed up today to do the inter-departmental league, should be fun, especially if we're on the next pitch to each other sometimes, and it'll be extra money as well." "You hadn't told me," she said, turning to Jake. "I'll have to come and watch." "Yeah, well," he mumbled, "it might upset you actually. It's OK when things are going well, but sometimes the players can get aggressive and in your face. Don't get running on to protect me, that would be so embarrassing!" "Oh, I'm tempted now," she laughed, "but I'll probably leave you to it. When will you be refereeing?" "We can fit it around our studies," I answered. "We tell them when we're available and they'll give us matches at those times. There're matches five nights a week, so we could earn quite a bit, but I do it for the enjoyment really. Jake's a confident guy and finds it really natural, but I'm quite shy and quiet normally, so it helps bring me out of my shell, having to deal with 22 players single-handed. You have to make sure they know you're in control; you can't appear weak." "Wow," said Jen. "I didn't realise so much went in to it. When you think about sport you only usually think about the players, you kind of take the referees or umpires for granted." We all ate in silence for a while, until Jen finished her meal and asked "are you all coming to this disco tonight?" "Yeah, we are," said Em, waving her hand to include Jake in her answer. "Me too," I said, "oh, and I've invited a guy I made friends with, another engineer." "Cool," replied Jake as Jen gave me a look. He and Em stood up to take away their empty plates and used cutlery. "We'll catch up with you later." I had my head down, eating the last of my dinner, but I could feel Jen looking at me. "Yeah?" I asked, looking up at her. "A friend, eh?" she enquired. "Hmm," I responded. "Look, we've kissed a couple of times and I like him. But don't tell anyone that, I'm still not ready to come out. As far as they're concerned, he's just a new friend I met having a drink." "No problem," she said, "I'm just thinking about that speech you just made about being in control and coming out of your shell." "Hey, don't pressure me. Every time I'm on my own, I'm thinking about how I can do this, how he'll react. It's not like you're out either." "Don't try and turn this round on me. You're the one who's gonna pretend his date is just a friend." "Yeah, well, that's my choice. See you later," I finished somewhat curtly and took my tray away, leaving her sitting there. Back in my room, I stripped and went to the showers wearing just a towel. I relaxed under the hot water for a few minutes, and then got out and went back to my room. I looked in my wardrobe to pick out some clothes, settling on a black pair of jeans and a dark crimson shirt. I was just finishing my hair, having tried two or three styles before settling on my usual intentionally messy look, when there was a knock on the door, and Jake came in, wearing just a white t-shirt and blue jeans. "You could wait for me to shout 'come in'," I said. "I could have been naked in here." "That's what I was hoping," he laughed, and unfortunately not meaning it at all. "When you're ready we'll go and pick up the girls and hang around in the bar for a while, until we see whether this disco's gonna be any good." "It'll be fine with me," I replied, "I like 80s music, remember. Just don't let me do any dancing until I've had a few drinks." "You do know your dancing doesn't improve when you drink, don't you? It's just that you don't care as much what an idiot you make of yourself!" "Bite me!" I retorted, sticking my middle finger up at him. "Oh, and you watch way too many American sit-coms as well!" he laughed. "Over here it's 'Fuck you!' and we use two fingers! Yep, that's it!" he added, as I practised my use of the two finger salute in his direction. I quickly used some body spray, picked up my mobile from the desk and we headed downstairs. The light-hearted exchange with Jake in my room had reminded me of just why we were friends: we were just so comfortable with each other. Then the other voice inside me pointed out that Jake didn't know I was gay; would we be so familiar with each other if I was out? I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't change anything about our friendship, but couldn't. I was tearing myself apart trying to reconcile everything that was going on. We ended up meeting Jen and Em in the bar, and got a couple of drinks each, to save having to get up for a while. I took out my phone and sent Josh a text telling him where he could meet up with us. A few minutes later I saw him coming through the bar and waved my hand at him to show him where we were. "Hi Harry," he said, pulling over another chair to our table. "Hi Josh, everyone, this is Josh, another Engineering student, that I got, uh, talking to at our orientation day last week." I indicated towards each of the others. "This is Jake, my best friend from home, this is Emily, or Em, who met up with Jake when we first got here last week, and this is Jen, Em's best friend, who's doing Civil Engineering." "Good to meet you guys," said Josh, "I was talking to Harry here earlier and telling him there was nothing on in my hall tonight, so he invited me up here. Does anyone need a drink?" he asked, standing up and turning towards the bar. Everyone demurred, so he went over alone and leant against the end of the bar. He was wearing tight black jeans, and a purple polo shirt that only just reached the top of his white studded belt. He looked back across to our table and smiled slightly as our eyes met. I glanced guiltily around the table, but no-one else had noticed our interplay, so I relaxed slightly, with a hint of a smile as well. A few minutes later, the music started up, Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" making conversation more difficult, and so we pulled the chairs in a bit tighter to make speaking easier. Josh had returned with his drink and was between Jen and I, with Jake the other side of me, and Em therefore between Jake and Jen. We each had a few drinks, talking about our first impressions of University life, and Josh told us about his Hall of Residence, which was quite a bit smaller than ours, and didn't have as much going on. He also mentioned that his room-mate was hardly ever there, as he had a girlfriend at the Uni who had only decided during the summer to come here and so couldn't get a place in a hall - she was living in a shared house on the other side of the campus, and it seemed he was going to be with her more often than in his own room. With the noise of the music making conversation almost impossible to overhear, I saw Jake, Jen and Em leaning into each other to talk about something and took the opportunity to put my mouth to Josh's ear and say "Looking good tonight!" It was about the most forward I'd ever been, certainly with other people around, but we reversed our position and he whispered back "You too. Can't wait to get you out of those clothes though!" Even though I'd started it, I was embarrassed now and blushing furiously, but fortunately, with the flashing, coloured lights from the disco, nobody could tell, and I took another swig from my drink to help settle me back down. The others stood up, and Jake put his head close to Josh's and mine. "We're gonna grab another drink and then head over to the dance-floor, are you two coming?" Josh and I looked at each other and then back towards Jake. "Yeah, sure," I answered as we both nodded our agreement to make sure it didn't matter whether Jake heard the reply or not. We got the drinks and took them over to a table near the dance-floor, which was starting to fill up with people as the evening went on. We stood around drinking, watching the dancing until Deacon Blue's "Real Gone Kid" started up and with a few looks between us, the five of us moved out and started dancing in a group. Jake had been right earlier: I really was hopeless at dancing, but he was also right in that I didn't care that much; I was enjoying myself and that was all that mattered. Josh on the other hand was fantastic, turning his body and moving his arms just right and looking so natural. I was entranced watching his movements, his polo shirt occasionally parting company with his jeans to give me tantalising glimpses of his stomach, but I had to tear myself away, otherwise Em and Jake might have noticed. After three or four songs, though, Em and Jake went back to the table and carried on drinking, although Em had decided she had had enough alcohol for one night and had moved on to Diet Coke. Josh, Jen and I carried on dancing, manoeuvring ourselves into another group to form a bigger huddle. Josh looked really happy, and I guess I must have done too, feeling a big smile on my face most of the time, and the evening passed by unbelievable quickly. All of a sudden, the music was interrupted so that "Last orders" could be heard from the barman, and then resumed with Jennifer Rush's "Power of Love" heralding the slow songs to wind things up for the night. I could see Em trying to get Jake up for a last dance, but he didn't want to and stayed seated, continuing to drink. She came over and instead started dancing with me, while Jen paired up with Josh. This really wasn't how I wanted us paired up, but obviously my ideal dance partner was out of the question right now. We saw out the song and then swapped so that I was now with Jen for Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love For You", which we could see was going to be the last song of the night, with the DJ's assistant already starting to pack things away. She gave me a quick peck on the cheek as the song ended, which I returned, and then as the normal lighting resumed, we heard a crash of glasses and could see that Jake had slumped over the table, knocking everything onto the floor. We all hurried over to him, and I grabbed him and leaned him back in his chair. "I think he's had a few too many to drink," Em ventured, "I did warn him earlier, but he wouldn't listen." "You two go on," I said to the girls, "I've had a great night, and I'll see you tomorrow." I turned to Josh. "Will you help me get him back up to his room?" I asked. "Yeah, no problem," he answered. The girls wished us goodnight, and Josh and I positioned ourselves either side of Jake, who had a big smile on his face, eyed closed, totally out of it. "Come on mate," I said to him, "let's get you back to your room. Me and Josh'll hold you up, but you'll have to try and walk. I definitely can't carry you." "Uugh," was his incoherent reply, but he did start moving his legs as Josh and I supported him under each arm. It seemed to take forever to get him back to his room, and it was just as well we were in our hall and hadn't gone out somewhere for the evening. When we were in the lift, we decided to give ourselves a rest and let him sit on the floor, but that proved to be a mistake, as by the time we got him vertical again, the doors had closed and we carried on upwards. Eventually we came back to the right floor and virtually dragged him to his room. I patted his pockets and found his key, and we opened his door and took him in to lie him down on his bed. I left him there for a second; he had passed out as soon as he had stopped moving, and pulled Josh over to the doorway by his arm. "I'll have to sort him out," I said, "and I'll have to stay with him. If I leave him on his own, he might swallow his own vomit or something. I'm really sorry, I hoped we might've stayed together tonight, but I can't just leave him. You go on home, and we'll meet up tomorrow." "OK," he replied, "he's lucky to have a friend like you. Can't wait to see you again." He grabbed the front of the waistband of my jeans and pulled me in close, the half-closed door hiding us from Jake momentarily. Our lips met and we exchanged tongues, but the kiss was over all too quickly. "Night," he said and backed down the corridor, our eyes locked until he went through the door into the lift vestibule. I sighed and went back into Jake's room. "Let's get you sorted out, then," I said, my first-aid training suddenly showing up, with me talking to my 'unconscious casualty'. I took his trainers and socks off, and then wrestled his t-shirt over his head and off. I mulled over what to do next and decided that I could take his jeans off without it seeming too weird, leaving him in just his black Calvin Klein boxers. He was lying on top of the bedding, so I looked around and found his spare blanket on top of the wardrobe and put that over him after rolling him onto his side in case he was ill in his sleep. I pulled over the more comfortable chair next to his bed, and without thinking, leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead and said "Night mate". His eyes flickered and a slight smile appeared on his face as I sat down to watch over him, and I suddenly realised what I had done. * * * * * * * * * * * * Many thanks to all those who have contacted me to express their enjoyment so far and to urge me to continue, I really appreciate it. Please email comments and/or suggestions to me at fcbfankeith@virginmedia.com . 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