Date: Sun, 21 May 2006 12:23:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: John Gerald <connectwriter@yahoo.com>
Subject: Connections 3

On the Day after Christmas, Mike heard his mom call him downstairs to the
telephone.  He couldn't figure out who it would be, but was anxious to find
out since not many people called him at his parent's house anymore.  He was
still in touch with only a couple of his high school classmates but knew
they were out of town, and most of his college friends were either at their
parents' place or away on vacation.

"Hi, this is Mike," he said as he picked up the phone, standing at the
bottom of the stairs and rubbing his dog's back with his foot.

"Mike, uh...hi, this is Brad North, from the other day in the café"

Mike thought quickly -- `Brad --oh wow, great!'  His first thought was to
make sure that Brad wouldn't feel awkward about calling during the holiday
or before school started back up.

"Hey, Brad, great to hear from you! I'm glad you called.  Hey, how did you
track me down here at my home number, guy?"

Brad wasn't so sure it was a good idea to call, but felt a lot better from
Mike's reaction.  It had been a rough vacation for him so far, but he
didn't want Mike to know that. He just thought he'd feel better calling him
and maybe asking him to do something, in spite of the risk that Mike would
think it was a bit premature in their friendship.

"it wasn't hard.  I just looked up your last name in your city's phone
book.  There aren't a lot of Kovars, so it wasn't hard to find.  I'm glad
your name isn't Smith"

"Well, you're lucky there, Brad, because it actually does mean "smith" in
Czech.  I'm glad that you weren't looking in the Prague phone book," he
said, laughing.

"It's great that you called.  Vacation has been good so far, but I could
always use more company."  Mike wasn't sure what to say next, but wanted to
keep the conversation going.  "So, what are you up to now?"

"Well, I got some time on my hands, so I thought that maybe, if you're
interested and not busy..."  Brad said, full of qualifiers.  He was still a
bit nervous about calling Mike, and wanted to give him a graceful exit if
he didn't feel comfortable.  "....I though that you might want to go over
to the Art Museum.  They have a pretty decent collection of German artists,
which you seem to like, but it's also just a cool place in general.  I like
to go there and be inspired. " He laughed as he said this, but felt like
this weird nervousness was still in his voice.  "Or we could do something
else, though, if there's something else that you'd rather do."

"That sounds great!  I like going there too, but isn't it more than an hour
for you to get there?  Isn't that too far?"

"Well, not quite that far, but I like the drive and wouldn't mind getting
out of the house.  You know, I think that you're actually on the way for
me.  Would you want me to pick you up?"  It's probably too cold for you to
ride that big Harley of yours!"

"Well, you're the first person that has mistaken my Honda for a Harley, but
I'll forgive that," he chuckled, but at the same time appreciating Brad's
ability to distinguish motorcycle icons at both ends of the spectrum. "Now,
let me tell you how to get here."

Brad arrived at Mike's house about an hour later. The house was a 3 bedroom
post-WWII bungalow on a small lot in the heart of one of the older ring
suburbs.  Not an impressive house by any means, but neat and tidy and very
typical of the neighborhood around it.  In fact it was one of those
developments where all of the houses have the same floor plan, or a mirror
image of it, with only decorative details distinguishing the `Cape Cod'
from the `Colonial.'  Although the houses were modest, an abundance of
trees and landscaping had come in over the years to give it some character
and flavor

>From talking to Mike earlier, he knew that his parent's had been
professionals of some kind before they came to America, but their limited
English skills had submerged their professional talents.  Things had gotten
somewhat better in the last few years, but they were by no means affluent
so Mike was obliged to work part-time while going to school.

Mike's sister had Hana, who was also on break from school, noticed him
waiting, looking out the window.  It was a little odd, she thought.  Mike
could usually be depended on to be late, at least for family events, and
him being so punctual was a little out of character.  He actually seemed
somewhat anxious and nervous for some reason, too.  Not one to let the
out-of-the-ordinary pass without explanation, it put her on alert.

When he heard Brad arrive, he started putting on his jacket while looking
through the front window as he got out of his pickup.  There were a couple
of neighborhood kids playing in the driveway as Brad pulled in, but they
moved off into the front yard and continued playing.  As he was closing the
door, their ball had some spin and rolled toward him in a lazy curve.  He
picked it up and smiled..

One of the kids, a little girl probably not more than 7 years old,
approached Brad, who got down on his knees and teased her by putting the
ball behind him, then in front, then behind him again.  Sensing her
curiosity and interest, he tossed her ball back to her, and started playing
a game of catch with some false throws to keep her interested.  Squealing
with laughter, she fell for all of his fakes, but finally approached and
put her arms around him while trying to grab the ball that he had put
behind his back.  He was a pretty skilled athlete, and could even do this
contortion with his bad hand.  Mike watched this with amused satisfaction.
He was touched that Brad seemed to connect so well with the kids.

As Brad smiled and laughed, a woman came storming out of the house next
door, screaming at the little girl to get away from the strange man.
Brad's face turned white as he got up off the ground, apologizing to the
woman who grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her away.

As soon as he heard the scream, Mike knew it was their crazy paranoid
neighbor lady and rushed outside, telling Mrs. Janowitz that this person
was a friend of his and that everything was OK.  The woman reluctantly
calmed down but seemed only slightly appeased as she took the kids back to
into her house, slamming the door loudly behind her.

"Hey bud, you OK?  Mike notice that Brad seemed upset, more than he would
have expected after such a minor dust-up.

"Yea, I'm fine Mike.  Thanks for rescuing me.  Daughter of Dracula just
took me by surprise."  They both laughed, but Mike was concerned for him,
as he noticed that his good hand was shaking

Brad was relieved to be distracted from this encounter when Mike's family
came outside to give them a sendoff.  He got introduced to both parents and
the 18 year old Hana.  "Brad, these are my parents, and my evil sister,
Hana," Mike said, with a sly grin at his sister.

"He meant his "enchanting," sister, but I'll let it slide.  Please don't
expect a lot out of my brother, Brad, then you won't be disappointed.  And
when you're at the museum, make sure that you read the labels slowly when
he asks you what they say."  The parent's were not amused, but Mike and
Hana were both smiling.

Brad himself laughed at the sibling exchange, but also sensed behind it a
real closeness between them.  She made sure that Mike's jacket was straight
and that his collar was down, almost like she was getting him ready for a
date.

Only Hana knew the circumstances of how Mike knew Brad.  They knew all
about each others lives.  He thought his parents would have freaked out if
he told them what really happened, so he made up a story about getting hit
by kickback from the table saw in the shop.  He knew it was hard to make up
any plausible story about a bruise on your face that didn't involve a
fistfight, but thought this would do the job with his parents.

Mike's parents had each greeted Brad warmly, his mom holding Brad's hand in
hers for a moment.  "You've had a long drive here, you must be hungry.
Would you like to take some kolachy before you leave?"  she said in fluent
but heavily accented English.

Brad looked quizzically at Mike and his Mom, and then Mike explained what
she was talking about.  "It's a kind of Czech nut role and it tastes great.
My mom is the queen of these things, Brad, so you should give them a try."

"Nut role? Wow, sure, ma'am!  Just pack it away Mrs. Kovar, and we'll take
care of it!"  He patted his flat stomach as they all laughed again.

Mikes Dad was older than his Mom, probably by about 15 years or so.  She
looked to be about 50, so that put him in his mid-60s. He also was very
friendly in greeting Brad, giving him a very firm handshake, lingering
perhaps more than your typical American guy.  He complimented Brad on his
choice of the museum, as he had a slight disdain for what he saw as the
middle class emphasis on sports.  Soccer was excepted, of course.

"What are you majoring in, Bradley?" Mr. Kovar asked him.  He instinctively
used the formal version of English names, even if he was introduced
otherwise, as a sign of respect.  Also, being a formal person himself, he
was not comfortable with the presumed intimacy of the short form of English
names.

"History, Mr. Kovar, with an emphasis on Modern Europe."

"Interesting.  We must chat some day.  I know something about History and
would enjoy talking with a young student about it."  Mr. Kovar himself did
medical research but at one time also taught the History of Medicine to
medical students, a job which he had loved but had to give up for reasons
that Mike never really understood.  "I hope that we see more of you."

"Thanks, Mr. Kovar.  I hope so, too"

As the conversation went on, Brad got the distinct impression that the
parents doted on the kids and were very close, unlike his own family.  As
they spoke, his mother had her arm around Hana, and she gave Mike a big hug
before he left, which obviously embarrassed him though he didn't refuse it.
Hana even whispered something which made Mike smile, but Brad couldn't hear
what she said.  In spite of his minor entertainment career dancing with
Julie, his family knew his shyness and the reasons for it and was glad that
he was making another friend.

Brad was also introduced to Mike's dog, Tony, a blue merle Australian
Shepherd.  This dog had basically grown up with Mike since he came to
America, and even slept in Mike's bed.  His mother didn't neglect to
mention this personal tidbit, much to Mike's embarrassment.

Mike made sure to give Brad a treat for Tony so that he would like him, or
at least be civil.  He needn't have worried, however, as the dog got into
one of his moods and started humping Brad's leg.  Even after the humping
stopped Tony rested himself on his foot, as Brad laughed to himself and
wondered if this was some kind of sign.  He was glad that he seemed to have
passed the dog test.

Scrutiny by the dog wasn't the only examination that he was undergoing,
though.  Brad noticed that Hana had been looking him over and listening to
him very carefully.  But not in the way on older teenage girl, smitten with
a guy, checks him out.  It was more neutral than that, but nonetheless
thorough.

He saw that her eyes kept darted between he and Mike, noticing how the guys
reacted to each other.  It all got Brad a little self conscious, as it
almost seemed like she could see right through him and knew exactly what he
was thinking.  If she knew that he thought her brother was such a hot guy
would she be pissed, he thought?

By the time introductions and small talk were done it was still only early
afternoon, which gave them plenty of time to see the collection and maybe,
Brad hoped, grab a bite to eat together.  Taking some of the nut roll for
the road, they got into Brad's wheels and were getting ready to shove-off.

Before they pulled out into the street, Brad looked over at his passenger.
The bruise was almost all gone now.  "How's the jaw, buddy.  I was hoping
that you were doing better and it looks that way.  You feel OK?"

"Much better.  I didn't want to make a big deal out of it for my folks, and
luckily it's mostly gone away.  I'm just glad that's over.  What an ordeal.
But who knows, maybe something good will come out of it."

`You and me both,' Brad thought to himself.

As they pulled away, Mike reached over and gave him a light punch to the
arm. "And how are you doing, guy?  How's the hand?  Are you OK driving, or
do you want me to drive?"

"Oh, no problem.  Luckily, I'm right handed, so I'll be OK.  But I'll let
you know if I need help."  The only help that he needed at that moment was
to beat down another major erection.  It was beginning to concern him that
every time Mike touched him or got near him that he instantly got hard.  He
promised himself to work on controlling that.

"Was Santa good to you?" Mike asked.

"Oh yea, it was OK.  Mostly books.  There's not a lot they can get you when
you get older. How about you?"

Brad seemed a little down when he answered. Maybe there was something here
that he didn't want to talk about very much, so Mike told him briefly about
what he had gotten, which was mostly stuff for school and some CDs, and
then moved onto another subject.  Brad's mood seemed to brighten up again.

Once at the museum they both had a great time looking at the art.  Even
though Brad was not trained in the visual arts, Mike was impressed with his
sophistication and insights, and they spent the afternoon in spirited
discussion.  Brad got Mike to admit that just because he was being trained
as an Architect didn't mean his opinions were any better informed, and that
he might in fact have some aesthetic baggage.  It got a little intense over
some medieval religious artifacts, of all things, and about whether the
quality was primitive compared to Asian artifacts of the same period.  But
their debate just seemed to increase their mutual respect for each other.

After the museum, Brad suggested that they grab a bite to eat, though he
suspected that Mike would probably have a family commitment.  But he
surprised him by readily agreeing, though he called home first to let his
parents know his new plans.  They decided on a restaurant in the nearby
Little Italy neighborhood that Brad had been to before.

Leaving their car at the museum, they walked through the neighborhood side
by side, remarking on the historic structures all around them, from old
churches and schools to former boarding houses that were now yuppie condos.
The area was a somewhat hilly but made the walk very scenic, as they could
look back down the streets and see the residential areas below and other
neighborhoods, even a glimpse of the highrises of downtown in the distance.
As they were in no hurry, they took plenty of breaks to look at interesting
buildings along the way.  Though they had stretched a short 10 minute walk
into a half-hour stroll, it seemed like no time at all to either of them as
they reached the restaurant.

"Go ahead," Brad said, opening the door for Mike.  He put his arm gently on
his shoulder to guide him in but was careful to not let it linger, though
the temptation was almost too much.  He practically had to yank his hand
away.

It was a cozy place in a renovated old school building, with a whiff of
"old world" atmosphere courtesy of fake beams and rough plaster.  They both
laughed and remarked on the schmaltziness of it all, agreeing that if the
food was good it wouldn't matter but if it was bad if would taste even
worse.  It was pretty empty that night, since it was mostly a student
hangout for the local college, and they were able to get a small window
table at the back, looking out onto a courtyard on the middle of the block.
Even in winter it was a pleasant view.

They both would have preferred family style, as they could sample as many
different kinds of dished as possible, but since it was only two of them
they agreed to order different items that they would share.  Brad made sure
that it was a place the they could both afford so there wouldn't be any
unease on Mike's part about the cost.  He didn't really know Mike's
financial situation, but assumed that it was probably not much different
than his own.

Dinner was every bit as enjoyable as the museum.  The food wasn't terrific,
but the company and conversation more than made up for the décor.  In the
end, it didn't seem to taste bad at all.

As they were finishing eating, a guy who looked to be on his way out
approached their table and put his arms around Brad from behind.  He was
tall and good looking, about 6'-3", with a definite queeny streak. But he
was also pretty muscular, as he hadn't put his jacket on yet and Mike could
see his big arms and chest underneath a tight t-shirt.  Brad was surprised
but recognized the guy immediately. He began to get visibly nervous.

"Well, stud, how ya doing? Haven't seen ya in a while....and who's your
boyfriend here, he's real cute..."

He continued the provocative teasing, massaging Brad's shoulders and
grinding his crotch into the back of his chair, as Brad remained ramrod
straight and didn't break a smile.  It was becoming obvious to Mike that it
was someone from Brad's past who was being acknowledged only awkwardly.
Brad was trying to not be too rude but was doing his best to politely push
the visitor away.

When he realized that the polite approach wasn't working, he finally took
the direct route.  "OK, OK, Arch.  This is Mike and he's just my
friend...so, it's been really great to see you again, but why don't you
just take off now."

Brad was afraid to look at Mike as this was happening.  It was almost his
worst nightmare at this early point in their friendship.  He didn't think
Mike, or rather, didn't think he himself was ready to broach this subject
yet.  Brad did sleep around a lot, but that was in the past.  He had
something else on his mind right now.

It only took Mike a second to figure out what was going on and realize that
his friend was upset.  While it would have been funny in different
circumstances he saw no humor in it now, seeing what it did to Brad.  He
wanted to let him handle it as he saw fit, but Mike gave Archie a look that
was unmistakable in its hostility.

OK, OK, sugar...I get the point...but don't forget to call...." Arch said
as he tapped Brad on the nose and smiled.  As he was leaving, he looked at
Mike.  "Like to see you sometime, too, babe" and after a conspicuous wink
he strutted away and walked out of the paneled wood door.

"Mike, I'm sorry that happened"

"Hey, no prob, Brad, no need to apologize."

Brad sighed.  "Mike, I meant to tell you I was gay, but frankly it didn't
seem important.  I really enjoy just talking to you and just being friends,
that's all."  He paused and sighed.  "Jeeze, why does this shit have to
happen?"

"Mike, I don't broadcast it, but I'm not ashamed of it either.  It's just
who I am, please understand that."  He paused and looked at the floor.  "I
wish my family understood," Mike noticed that Brad's' voice was cracking.
He was so nervous that he just started rambling.

"Remember when I looked kind of upset when your neighbor yelled at me
because I was around her kid?"

"Yea, you did look kind of shaken up.  I wasn't sure why."

"I love kids, Mike.  I'd love to have some someday, but my Dad and my
brother Ralph, they think that because I'm gay that I'm some kind of crazy
sicko.  I have a nephew, Rick, who's now 6 years old and the cutest little
kid.  I used to go over to my brother's house and play with him, especially
hide-and-seek.  He loved that, especially when I got down and crawled
around on my hands and knees and chased him around."

"Anyway, when my brother found out that I was gay he forbid me from coming
over there because he said that I might molest his son.  Molest him!  There
my only family, Mike, my parents, my brother and me.  And they not only
don't want me around just because I'm gay, but they accuse me of being a
monster."  Mike paused and sighed.

"Your neighbor reminded my of my sister-in-law yelling at me when they all
first found out.  They were all shouting at me, telling me what a godless
pervert I was and that I was going straight to hell. Their church told them
that stuff.  I knew that I wasn't going to change and that's just the way I
am, but it still hurt a lot."

"Oh yeah, and when you asked me about what I got for Christmas?  I'm sorry
that it didn't seem like I wanted to talk about Christmas presents, because
it sounded like you had a really nice one," he said, wanting to make sure
that he understood how happy Mike was.

"Well, they all gave me Bibles and told me to read them and change my
lifestyle.  Oh, yea, and they even turned my nephew against me and he gave
me a Bible, too.  Along with a speech that someone put in his head.  I'm
not sure the poor kid's heart was in it, but I doubt if they gave him a
choice."  This part made him especially sad.

 "My home hasn't been such a fun place to be this vacation, or any other
time for the last year or so," he continued.  "I just try to stay away."

"I used to sleep around a lot, especially after falling out with my family.
I guess I thought the physical connection made up for some of the emotional
connection that I missed from the... what would you call it, estrangement.
I had some fun, but it never made up for not having a family.  Not that it
bothered them at all."  He looked up and Mike, then back down at the
ground, almost ashamed at what he was saying.  The grief and pain was all
too apparent to Mike.

"It's also very ironic with my brother, you know.  I'm actually the jock in
the family, running track and playing baseball and volleyball in
intramurals. I was always doing something athletic, even if it wasn't at
the varsity level.  Christ almighty, Ralph was the one who played clarinet
in the friggin' marching band," he said, exasperated.

After saying all this Mike heard another sigh. Brad's long explanation was
an unselfconscious effort to salvage what he could of what to him was a
devastating state of affairs.  But to Mike, his ability to pull himself
together and calmly talk about such difficult experiences made him
appreciate Brad's strength and character even more.

"Look, if you don't want to be friends anymore, I'll understand.  But I
hope that we can be.  I really like you a lot as a friend, Mike, but if it
makes you uncomfortable we could just..."

Mike interrupted and looked him straight in the eye, in a way that reminded
Brad of the determined look he saw when he first held him in his arms back
at the party.  "Brad, you are a great guy, and it's too damn bad your
family doesn't see that.  You're smart, funny and a good friend.  You know,
you practically saved my life.  So I don't care what you are or what other
people say about you.  You're my friend and I'll stick by you."

He reached across the table and put his hand on Brad's' shoulder and
punched him in the rough, teasing way that he had done before, with a look
that said everything it was OK.  He really wanted to take Brad in his arms
and comfort him, hold him, stroke his hair and tell him that everything
would be all right.  He couldn't make that leap quite yet, though was
starting to understand that something powerful was starting to happen
inside him.

"Thanks, guy.  I didn't mean to dump all over you tonight, but I guess it
all came out.  I'm glad we're over this hurdle, though.  I don't make it
quite this far with a lot of people. "

They talked more about the evening and about the art and school and other
parts of their lives.  Brad felt a huge relief at being open and honest
with Mike and it showed as he slowly but surely returned to his usual
buoyant mood.  Brad always hated these coming out scenes.  Not that he
didn't want to be honest with friends, but it was so darn stressful that he
almost never looked forward to it.  Having to explain who he really was,
and risk a hostile reaction, was never easy for him, in spite of the fact
that virtually everyone, with the notable exception of his family, were
very supportive of him.

The fact that it was even an issue was the most galling thing about it to
him.  Why should he even have to mention it to anybody?  Why does
friendship of companionship or family relationships become contingent on
who he has feelings for?  At least it wasn't an issue for Mike.  His
reaction really made the evening extra special for Brad.

Mike was happy, too.  He was actually ecstatic that Brad was gay, but
wasn't ready to talk about himself yet.  Not that he didn't feel like he
should be open with Brad, because he felt he could really talk to him about
anything, especially now.  But another problem was arising.

If he was honest with himself, he was beginning to see that he was getting
strong feelings for Brad, even after knowing him for such a short time. The
day at the museum and at dinner was so much fun.  They just connected so
well and so naturally.  Oh yea, and he was really hot, too.

But did Brad like him anymore than as a friend?  He had been with a lot of
partners so he probably wasn't shy when it came to picking up guys.  So
maybe their relationship was really just friendship.  And could Brad deal
with his other secret?  Or would he walk away and not want anything to do
with him like they did in high school?  How would he know?