Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2003 16:46:56 +0000
From: crows velt <iammap@hotmail.com>
Subject: Cumming Out to Myself

Disclaimer: This is a true story about my coming out to myself and to a
couple of friends. There is gay sex (oral and anal), rimming, spanking,
nipple and ball play, shaving and humiliation. If any of this bothers you
don't read my story. If you are underage you ought to be ashamed of yourself
for entering an adult site--go visit your Aunt Helen or your best friend
anything legal, mainly stay away from here until you are of legal age the
site will still be here and the wait will not kill you. This story is posted
on a non-pay site. It is posted for your enjoyment. If you want to share
it...great, but don't try to sell it. It is my story not yours--do not try
to steal it!!!

I think that I covered everything in the disclaimer that needs to be covered
and I hope that I did not bore you in the process. Have fun.

In response to a question, I wrote this. Friends (gay, bi and straight)
encouraged me to post it and after talking with a few internet buddies...
Here it is:

Like every other guy I've met my first time has stayed in my memory, and
while I no longer remember every detail...Since I don't remember exact
dialogue, I haven't used quotation marks. I am not a great writer, but I
hope that you enjoy my story.

In my freshman year (1980), I was living in a dorm. I had pledged a
fraternity and spent most of my free time there. A guy named Darren also
lived on the same floor and although he was a junior we had a couple of
classes together.  One Friday night in early September he invited me to go
drinking as neither of us had planned to go anywhere that weekend because of
the heat (yes, in 1980 an 18yo could drink beer). At this point I was still
very much in denial about being gay--basically I hadn't even been able to
admit to myself that I was gay, much less anyone else. So we were just two
guys going out to drink beer. At the bar we ran into an old friend of
Darren's, Buck. After a couple more pitchers of beer (we each had bought
one) we were feeling no pain and were bitching about the heat and Buck said
he knew how to cool off--that sounded good so we all took off in Buck's car.

He took us to his parents house (both he and Darren had grown up in this
town). Their next-door neighbors, the Woods, had a pool and had asked Buck to
watch the house while they were out of town.  The back yard was enclosed by
a high fence for privacy and security. Since it was just us guys we stripped
and dove in. After a few minutes of swimming around to cool off I started
floating on my back. Darren came up behind me and grabbed me putting me in a
head grip, that I learned is called a "FULL NELSON" (his arms holding mine
at the armpit and his hands entwined at the back of my neck), I started to
yell and to struggle to get away when Buck came over and grabbed my balls
and told me to keep quiet. I did. He said that they were not trying to hurt
me but wanted to show me a good time. That from what he understood I badly
needed a blowjob and he was just the guy to do it.

Now one of the thing that was causing me problems was that if a guy touched
me I would get hard as a rock--so when Darren grabbed me, I got real hard
real fast and Buck's hand on my balls didn't help my efforts to lose that
hard-on and so I couldn't deny the need to get off. Buck started to kiss and
lick my dick. He said that it was one of the largest he had seen and asked
how long it was. I lied and told him I didn't know, that only queers and
insecure guys with pencil stubs instead of dicks needed to measure their
stuff. Buck replied that since we were all queers I needed to measure my
dick. He got out of the pool and went to find a tape measure. While he was
gone, Darren carried me over to the steps, out of the pool and over to a
lounge chair. When Buck came back we were seated on the lounge chair, Darren
behind me and me still in the head lock. Buck laid the tape measure along
the top of my dick and read out 9 1/4 inches. He dropped the tape measure
and started to swallow my dick.

Darren said that he would release me if I promised I would not fight them, I
agreed and he let me go. Darren moved his hands down to my nipples and
started rubbing them and whispering in my ear that I was enjoying the
attention to my dick and that I should just relax and enjoy the feeling. In
between the whisperings, he would nibble down the side of my neck and lick
back to the top. Buck was still on his knees giving my dick sensations it
had never felt and rolling my balls around in their sack...the sensations
were indescribable, I had never had anyone touch me like these two guys and
the feelings they created were overpowering. They knew what they were doing
and played my body to just the point of cumming and then stop and start up
again when the urgency passed. They kept me going for quite a while and I
begged for the chance to cum. Darren told me that if I promised to sit down
for a frank discussion after, then they would get me off. Darren knew that I
considered my word my bond and that if I promised that I would keep my word.
I agreed and  Darren started kissing me directly on the mouth and getting
more aggressive with my nipples and Buck went to work on my dick and balls
and between them brought me to the most intense orgasm I had ever had.

When I calmed down a bit they started talking. Mostly about how I was being
dishonest with myself and with the girls I dated and with everyone I came in
contact, because I could not be honest about being gay--that night, with
their help, I came out to myself. I asked them to please allow me to decide
who and when to tell and they agreed saying that that was my right but that
they felt they had to do something about me because I was so honest in
everything else. Darren said that I had shot a load and that they wanted to
get off as well and that they wanted to fuck my ass. I agreed but asked that
they be gentle and that they stop if it was too much for me to handle (How
naive can a guy be?).

Buck went to get Vaseline and Darren had me lie on my back on the lounge and
laid on top of me, his dick at my mouth. He said that I could practice what
I had learned from Buck. Darren pulled my legs back and exposed my asshole.
He started rimming and fingering my ass--two more new sensations in a night
of firsts. While darren was working at loosening my ass for my first
fucking, Buck knelt beside me and started coaching me in sucking cock. He
taught me what to do to keep from gagging so badly and how to create certain
sensations on a mans cock. This went on for about 15-20 minutes and Darren
got up and said it was time.

He stood and helped Buck to get my legs pulled up to my chest, then before I
knew what was happening, Darren climbed to top of my legs, pining them
against me chest his ass over my face. He told me that he thought I should
be punished for being dishonest and for fighting them when they were trying
to help. Out of consideration for the neighbors he would muffle my cries
with his ass and that if I wanted to make amends quicker that I should use
the opportunity to learn how to rim. He sat down on my face and began
spanking my ass. First the left cheek then the right and after several lefts
and rights he would slam his hand down on my asshole and on the perineum so
that soon my ass and all the area from my balls to my asshole was on fire.
During this spanking Buck would coach me on the fine art of rimming and
would make sure I could breath. Darren would occasionally ask Buck if he
thought my ass was red enough and Buck would move over to where he could
feel my ass and then say that he didn't think I was done enough. I don't
know how long this went on but finally they decided that my ass had been
tenderized enough and Darren started working Vaseline into my hole.

At that point I knew very little about aids except that you got it from anal
sex and having had a chance to think was starting to panic. Buck and Darren
calmed me down and told me that they were both disease free and so I
couldn't get anything from them. Darren raised himself off my face but
stayed so that he still had my legs trapped. Darren told Buck to take the
first honors because he (Buck) had given me a blowjob. Buck positioned
himself at my ass and told me to get ready, that no matter how slowly he
went and how carefully they prepared me that the first time would hurt. With
that, he reached down and grabbed a nipple in each hand and started twisting
and pulling them. Darren grabbed a nut in each hand and started gently
squeezing and pulling on them.  I decided that I enjoyed my first time at
rimming so much that I would continue and raised my head so that I could
reach Darren's ass.

Darren must have given Buck a signal because at that point he started to
press he dickhead against my virgin asshole. Getting Bucks dick inside me
took a long time and I am grateful that he was so patient and kind. Soon the
pain lessened and the pleasure begin. Buck rode my ass for a long time, slow
gentle strokes alternated with long fast strokes, when he would sense that I
was close to cumming he would release my nipples and pinch the head of my
dick to stop the sensation. When he could finally hold out no longer, he
started short rabbit-like strokes and shot his load deep in my ass--I had
not been allowed to cum the second time. Darren got off me and told me to
stand. He sat on the lounge chair and told me to face him and lower myself
onto his dick. This way I could control the speed.

After a few minutes of this Buck said he didn't want to be left out. Darren
told me to wrap my legs around him and then he stood, his arms supporting my
weight, my ass impaled on his dick. I was told to lean back and suck Buck.
He said that he would rather have me rim him. I wrapped my arms around his
waist and moved my head between his legs and started licking his asshole.
Darren's fucking was all short rapid strokes and in a very short time he was
shooting up my ass. His strokes had worked on my prostate and so I shot
without touching my dick. Darren withdrew his dick and lowered me to the
concrete slab. Buck told me to keep rimming and shortly I felt his cum hit
my chest. We jumped back into the pool to clean off and then went inside and
all fell asleep on the master bed.

Several hours later I was awakened by Buck and Darren. They wanted to know
how I felt about the evenings activities. I told them I felt good that I was
glad that they had pushed me into acknowledging what I had known for so
long. They told me that they liked what we had done very much and that they
wanted to fuck me again. I was enthusiastically agreeable to that but said
that I would like to try doing the fucking as well as being fucked. They
said ok but that they had a problem. They wanted to keep me for themselves
for a while and they both jumped me and carried me to the bathroom where
they shaved me from my neck down saying that now they knew that I wouldn't
go out with other guys. They carried me outside to the pool and we spent the
rest of that day naked in the sun and enjoying sexual three-ways always with
me as bottom.

Around 10:00 Saturday night Buck said that we needed to finish up and clean
up because the Woods would be returning the next afternoon. We cleaned for
the next two hours. The master bedroom was all that was left and Buck said
that before we changed the sheets it was time to keep their promise to me.
Buck lay down on his back and raised his legs and told me that it was now my
turn to do the fucking. I tried to go slowly and make it last, but was too
excited and shot my load after only a few strokes. They both laughed at my
disappointment.

Buck said that since I was still hard to continue fucking and he raised his
hand and begin to work my nipples. Darren said it was time he got involved
and he moved in behind me and when I had my dick fully planted in Buck's ass
he placed his dick at my asshole so that I would be fucking Buck and fucking
myself on Darren's cock. Darren moved forward just enough so that the first
couple of inches of his dick were in my ass and because he was about three
inches longer than me (yes he got measured too--exactly 12 inched and Buck
had 11) I would be unable to get off his dick unless I pulled completely out
of Buck. I felt Darren reach down and grab one of my nuts in each hand--but
this time it felt different and I realized that he had one of my nuts and
one of Bucks nuts in each hand. I lasted longer this time but with Buck
working my nipples and gripping my dick with his ass and Darren working my
nuts and fucking my ass I couldn't last very long. after this last cum we
settled for the night.

The next morning we helped Buck clean the bedroom and went back to the dorm.
Soon after we got back, I got a phone call from my big brother, Mike. He
wanted to know where I had been. He had been calling to have me come over
and help serve the brothers snacks and drinks while they watched the ball
game. I said that I would be over as fast as I could. Darren said he would
come along.

We got to the house and Mike welcomed Darren and told me that since I had
been so hard to contact I needed to serve the brothers in just my underwear.
I thought I was really in for it now. Everyone at the frat house would see
that I had been shaved. Darren just stood there watching. Since I really
wanted to join this fraternity I decided to bite the bullet and drop my
clothes. Mike started laughing when he saw my bare skin. He ordered me to
remove my jockeys as well and then made me go into the TV room so that the
other guys could see. They asked what kind of kinky shit I was into that I
would let a girl shave me like that. Darren piped up with what do you mean a
girl. The guys wanted to know what he was talking about so he told them a
tale about finding a note on my dorm room door telling me not to return to
the house until I had shaved my body and that I could have another guy help
with the shaving but my girlfriend was not to be involved.

Darren told them that he was the swim team student manager and that since he
helped them shave that he had offered his help to me and hadn't he done a
good job. Of course there was confusion all around and the brothers denied
putting that note on my door. Mike asked if I hadn't questioned the note. I
told him that I had been out all day and thought that since he had not been
able to talk to me that he had left the note. Then Mike wanted to know why I
hadn't called him to make sure and I assumed my best pledge position (legs
spread shoulder width with hands clasped behind the back, head up and shout
all answers to the brothers) BROTHER MICHAEL, SIR, A PLEDGE CAN NOT QUESTION
AN ORDER FROM A BROTHER. BROTHER MICHAEL, SIR, THE PENALTY FOR QUESTIONING
AN ORDER FROM A BROTHER IS TEN SWATS WITH A PADDLE SIR.

The brothers all thought that it was very funny, but told their own pledges
that any communications would be on house stationery or in person and worked
out code signals if the phone was used. For the rest of the evening I had to
serve without any clothes on. When the game was over the brothers thought I
should be punished for falling for the trick and each of the 20 brothers
present gave me three swats with the paddle. Being around all these college
guys--most of them good looking--I got real hard and stayed that way. The
brothers decided that I liked being hairless and naked and so I was told to
keep myself shaved, and when in the house I was to be naked at all times
unless otherwise instructed by a brother (this only happened once, when the
wife of an alum was visiting).

Darren was offered a standing invitation for beer and snacks if he would do
the shaving--since he had done such a good job the first time. The brothers
made sure that there were always girls around to see me naked and hairless.
I was fondled...a lot. One of these girls took a ribbon and turned it into a
cockring and ball separator and used another ribbon to tie up my dick so
that it would not get soft. The guys also liked that new humiliation and so
I was ordered to tie up my cock and balls with these ribbons every time I
entered the house. The ladies all thought that the humiliation games were
because I was always horny and the brothers wanted to embarrass me, so they
were always touching me and trying to stimulate me enough to cum. They did
not know that it was the guys causing the hard dick.

On the bright side I did get to cum a lot that semester, the ladies would
get me off 2 or 3 times a day and Darren was always ready to fuck my ass and
jack me off when I got back to the dorm. And I did learn what my favorite
sex acts are and I learned that I am a total bottom--I love being fucked,
rimming, sucking balls and sucking nipples in that order. I love being
shaved. I also learned that I am gay and that it is ok to be me, to be gay
and to enjoy being fucked.


Today is the tomorrow we waited for yesterday.