Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidence. Writings are submitted to the Archive under required guidelines. The author retains all copyrights and creative licenses. This story does contain acts of sex and love between men. If you are offended, or are not of legal age to view this material, then please focus your attention elsewhere.
OK, it was definitely time for them to leave. I was already feeling a bit overwhelmed at all the changes that I was going through. Their attempts at helping me tidy up my room, make my bed etc., were just excuses for them to linger for a few minutes longer. Finally, I had to protest.
"Mom, I think I can make my own bed. I know you mean well, but this is something I need to do by myself." I said.
Reluctantly she agreed. "OK Sam. You're right. Walk us out, and we'll say our good-byes outside." She said.
We walked in silence down the stairs to the parking lot. Suddenly I felt a peculiar twinge inside. I guess we all get that when we leave home and are officially on our own for the first time. The realization that everything I have grown accustomed to is about to change. That the next time I returned home, it will be to visit, and not to stay. I suppose this feeling manifests itself at different times and in different ways for each of us. For me, I just felt numb.
"Well Sam, this is it!" Dad finally said after spending much of the morning in silence. "Call us if you need anything. Now give your mother a hug, and be sure to write her." With that my Dad climbed into the driver's seat and closed the door. He's never been a man of many words, and I guess I shouldn't have expected today to be any different.
Mom was in tears - she's one of those over emotional types. "I cannot believe that my Sammy is finally going off to college. I feel so old." She said.
Oh great, it's all about you huh Mom, I thought. Although I know that's not what she really meant, she was obviously depressed that I was finally off to school. The past 18 years of her life spent with little additional purpose other than being a super human mom. Her self assigned function in life had been to do the laundry, drive me to after school events, and make sandwiches for my friends' etc. All that was now over. I suppose today marked the beginning of a new chapter for us both.
"Don't cry." I said. "I'm only an hour away, and we'll talk on the phone." I suppose that provided little consolation, but I was getting a bit tired of this display. She had been breaking down into these little fits ever since my scholarship and acceptance came through during the winter break of my last semester in High School.
"I know Sam, you're a good kid and we raised you right. Be sure and call me once you get settled." She said.
With that she got into the car and they drove off. My mom watching over her shoulder until they drove out of site. Maybe she was worried that I might evaporate or something. Who knows? I was a bit irritated now. What was that bit about 'We raised you right'? Give me a little bit of credit for getting to this point in my life. That, and I really hated being called 'kid'.
I stood in the parking lot for a few minutes after they had left contemplating everything that had happened in the past year to get to this point. I felt very lucky to finally be on my own, but I knew that in many ways I was not prepared for this as much as I would have liked to be. I had good parents, but they were on the overprotective side. I was worried that their constant attempts to shield me from the ills of life would somehow make being on my own more difficult.
It was still early so I figured I'd head back inside and start to unpack my things and try to get the room organized to my liking. I climbed both flights of stairs to the second floor and walked down the hall to my room. I went in and closed the door. Wow! I was finally here. I looked at my suitcase and the various boxes of personal belongings that I had brought with me. There really was not much to unpack, and I knew it would only take about an hour to get settled.
I just couldn't face it though. I was suddenly very tired, and at least a little depressed. I lay down on the tiny mattress and hugged my pillow. I kind of wished at that moment that I had let my mom make the bed before she left. The cheap institutional mattress seemed rather cold and uninviting and I had little motivation at the moment to make the bed properly.
I lay there for probably five minutes thinking about what the days and months would bring. I was finally here, and in many ways, I knew my life would never again be the same. I hugged my pillow tighter and tried to not think so hard. I focused on the sounds on my new environment. The building was completely silent. I slipped into a deep sleep knowing that the silence would soon be broken as my new home would come to life and be silent no more.
I suppose this would be a good time as any to introduce myself. My name is Scott Miller. Middle name is Anthony. Hence my initials... S.A.M. I had spent the majority of my life being called Sam or Sammy. Oh, how I hated that. I was determined to have everyone call me Scott from today forward. Sammy was a kid's name. Scott sounds more adult to me. Derek always called me Scott. He was the only one though. More about him later...
I was 18 years old, and today was my first day of college. I guess you had already figured that out though. I stand 5'8" tall and I weigh 145 pounds. I wouldn't call myself muscular, but I do stay in shape. My best feature would probably be my overzealous metabolism which helps keep me trim. The time I do spend exercising helps keep my body nicely proportioned and toned.
I have soft and caring green eyes, a square jaw, and a Marine Corps style closely cropped haircut. My dark brown hair is kept short largely because I like the look, but mainly because my only form of transportation is a Red, White, and Blue Honda CBR 600 motorcycle. Short hair is definitely more comfortable when you ride and have to wear a helmet all the time.
The bike is my most prized possession. I worked various part time jobs all through high school, and my parents helped me with the rest as a graduation present. Of course my mom had a tizzy when I said that I wanted a bike. Probably fearing that I'd end up in the hospital with soiled underwear or something. What is it with moms and dirty underwear anyway? Don't answer that... I'd rather not know.
I don't want to sound conceited, but I'd say I am pretty good looking. I'm a quiet person though and my facial expressions are typically soft, and that of one who is somber or reflective. My face really lights up when someone makes me smile though. Finding reasons to smile has been one of my life's biggest struggles.
That's one of the biggest reasons for my wanting to go away to school. I needed to get out on my own so that I could both learn, and teach myself what life was all about. Being the younger of two boys, my mom tended to shelter me more than was necessary. My older brother was the big sports hero in high school and then again in college. He graduated about a year ago and landed a good job in a big architectural firm. I am very proud of him. He followed the same dream he had since he was a little kid, and saw it through.
Most people who see us together have a hard time believing that we are brothers. He is just shy of six feet tall and weighs about 195 pounds of mainly muscle. He went through school on an athletic scholarship playing Lacrosse. His name is Paul. We get along pretty well considering that we are five years different in age, and have very different interests and personalities. Paul is one of those guys who knows everyone, and is blessed with the art of schmooze. Probably why his career has taken off so quickly. But this is not his story...
Unlike Paul, I was not blessed with the gift of athletics or the art of working a crowd. I am happier with a smaller group of people. That, and I have no idea what I want to do for a career.
I worked very hard in high school to get a full scholarship. Well, that's a lie I guess. I didn't really study that hard. Academics have always come easily for me. I guess I worked harder at being where I was supposed to be, and doing what I was told to do.
I come from a small manufacturing town in New England. My family is not wealthy by any stretch. My brother Paul was able to go to school because he was gifted at sports. The only way I was able to go to college was by getting good grades and staying out of trouble. I guess my biggest fear was being stuck in a blue-collar job like my Dad for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong; my dad is a great guy. In many ways I have the same quiet and introspective qualities as he does. I've always known him to be content. Never happy, and never sad - just content.
My parents were married very young. Paul was born 8 months after they were married. The family has always questioned whether they got married because of the pregnancy, or if it was just a coincidence of timing. Who but my parents knows the real truth? Anyway, I always wondered if my Dad would have chosen a different life if he had the chance to start over.
All I could tell for sure was that my chance to discover myself and set out on a path that best suited me had finally arrived. Hopefully I could learn from the examples of those around me and make better choices for myself.
I woke up from my nap to the sound of voices, footsteps, and the other sounds of people moving into the dorm. I looked at my watch and saw that it was only 10:45 AM. Short nap.
My new college (and home) was also located in suburban New England. Since I only lived about an hour away, I decided to be there at 9 AM when the dorms opened. Not that we were able to pick rooms or roommates, I just hate crowds. The only thing that I did want to do was pick which side of the room I wanted. I was also pretty nervous about meeting my new roommate.
The room itself was pretty bland. It was your basic four white walls with exceedingly bright overhead florescent lighting. There were two large free standing side by side closets against the wall that actually separated the beds. The closets were about three feet deep, so they provided a degree of privacy. Not enough to beat off in the middle of the night without my roommate seeing me, but at least my head and upper body would be sheltered. The only easily movable furniture was the two desks and the one small sofa that rounded out the room's amenities. I figured I'd wait until my new roommate showed up before deciding how to arrange everything.
At least my assigned room was at the end of the hall. Consequentially, there were two windows instead of one. Since I was there first I chose the bed on the outside wall in hopes that it would be a bit quieter. It also had a view of the practice field behind the gym. That might come in handy for those times when I wanted the catch a little male scenery.
I remember my brother Paul complaining about the noise during his stay in the freshmen dorms. He joined a frat shortly thereafter and was much happier. Never understood how a frat was quieter than a dorm, but hell, he liked it.
Paul and I always had separate rooms growing up. This was going to be my first experience with a roommate, and I was a bit nervous about it. I jerked off at least twice a day, and wondered how that would be possible with a roommate there all the time. It was also an all-male dorm, and my brief inspection of the bathroom as I was moving in indicated we'd all be showering together.
I pretty much new I was gay from the time I entered high school. Going to school in a blue-collar community, and a small town to boot kept me pretty sheltered. There was really no outlet for my sexuality other than the few all male magazines I hid in my room. Living with a bunch of guys was going to be a big change for me.
I had received a letter from my new roommate Mike about a week after the school announced roommate assignments. His letter was pretty short. He simply introduced himself and said that he was hoping to major in finance. He was also excited about trying out for the school's hockey team. He was from New Jersey, and said that he'd be checking in on Saturday (the day after the dorm opened), because his family was vacationing in Europe and he'd not be back in time. Orientation started on Monday anyway, so I guess there was no rush. I just hoped he was not some big beautiful stud. Living in such close proximity was going to be hard enough. I didn't need that on top of it. Since he mentioned that he played hockey, I figured he'd be a jock and we'd have little in common. At least I had the closet to hide behind. Hmmm, seems that has a double meaning now...
Well, I finally finished putting my clothes away and got my desk and computer set-up. I guess it was time to head out into the hallway and see if anyone needed a hand bringing their stuff up the stairs. The building was only two stories tall so there was no elevator. It made me wonder how they got those huge lockers up the stairs. Anyway, I only knew one other guy who was starting at school this year. I needed to make some friends. I stepped into the hallway and was pretty shocked at what I saw.