Date: Sat, 11 Jun 2005 23:18:03 +0200 (CEST)
From: Marcos Rojas <tulindobebito@yahoo.es>
Subject: Discovering Love 5

Hi everyone! Here is chapter 5. I know, it is a bit shorter, but number 6
is almost ready, so it shouldn't take any longer to post it!

Thank you so much for the mails! Thanks to YOU I keep writing. So please
don't forget your feedbacks! Because the moment you stop writing me I'll
stop the story. Wouldn't make sense now, would it, if nobody reads it...

Love as always

Marcos

***************************************************************************

Discovering Love

When feelings die

by Marcos Rojas

"The greatest love of all is happening to me,
I found the greatest love of all inside of me,
"The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all."
Whitney Houston


From chapter 4:

"But don't worry! I'm giving you my blessing! You B I T C H should get what
you deserve! I hope sincerely you will! And don't throw that ugly bunch of
flowers. You might help other bitches to destroy some lives!" While saying
this Jed looked straight into Erika's eyes and then into Raul's finally
saying to him "I hope you'll be happy!" With that he took the bride's bunch
and threw it away making of course a not too slow and not too fast exit
front the show.

Raul couldn't move. The hate has returned into Jed's eyes. Those gorgeous
blue eyes were full of hate and were just icy, merciless. Raul couldn't
control himself anymore. Tears filled his eyes as he whispered "Oh God, I
can't lose him!"

Chapter 5:

"Lose whom?" Erika asked with a rather skeptical look.

"Jed, I can't lose Jed!"

"But it's like, I don't get it! You didn't ever have him! He is like a
stranger to you!" Now there was just everything in her voice. Cold,
merciless and fake, like the girl herself. "And look at you! You are
crying! Like a little fag!" Raul gave her a shocked look.  It took his
brain quite a few seconds to deal with this information.

"Probably you are right! I'm crying! And yes I did have Jed, unlike you!
Let me tell you something Erika! Jed is my brother now and I love him, I
love him with all my heart!" Erika's lips moved, unwillingly, forming a
typical disgusted look.

"And you see Erika, I also spent the night in Jed's bed! That's right IN
Jed's BED! With him IN the bed too! Are you surprised my dearest lover?"
Erika's expression turned instantly showing the jealousy she was feeling.

"Oh, and don't bother acting like you were happy for me! I know what you
really want. In fact I knew it from the beginning that you only wanted to
use me to get to Jed! But Erika, those times are over! And I don't need you
around me anymore. You haven't ever been the caring and loving girlfriend!
Let's face the reality! We didn't even have a relationship. So I guess
there is nothing to end and nothing to go on with... If I look back on
these past months I can't even speak of a friendship... So Erika, we're
done here..."

Erika was now in the deepest shit she has ever been, not knowing what to
say and how to save appearances. There were several people looking at the
young couple.

"You can't like just dump me!!! I am the one who should dump you! I mean,
it's like, I'm the girl and only girls can dump a guy!" She was breathing
heavily and a horrified look was on her face.

"If this is what you want Erika, if this really makes you miserable soul
happy, fine! You have dumped me! I couldn't care less what people are
talking about me and about a said relationship that actually never has
existed."

With that Raul walked away leaving Erika in total confusion. He had only
one thing on his mind and that was finding Jed as quickly as possible. The
first place to look was of course Jed's room. Raul felt his heart beat
faster as he walked up the flight of stairs. He just knew Jed very well and
he was afraid of a rejection. Not now, not in this state, without an
official hiding like Erika as a so-called girlfriend, the perfect cover for
his real way of being. Jed's room was surprisingly silent. Raul closed his
eyes and took a deep breath. There are moments in life where you just have
to take the chances, and even if you are a very rational person knowing
that your chances stand somewhere under 50% you still have to try it, to go
on. These are things and moments in life where you just have to do what
your heart tells you even if your mind is screaming to stop. Funny how the
rational brain can be overtaken by the feelings, these are the moments
where you can just feel free, where you cross your own known limits and try
the impossible and unpredictable. Raul knocked on the door. The floor
suddenly turned into the quietest place, all sounds coming from the loud
wedding going on down in the house and in the yard seemed to be
insignificant. "He doesn't answer... I must speak to him! I just must!"
Closing his eyes Raul put his hands on the door-handle. The door opened and
Raul quietly stepped into the room. The room was just Jed. The smell, the
light, the entire atmosphere. Raul looked around to find Jed sitting on his
couch not facing the door.

Silence.

Silence. Not even a move.

Still nothing.

Raul felt his knees getting too weak. He shivered as he moved towards the
couch. He stopped in front of Jed. The boy looked at Raul with an
expressive look. He didn't have to say a word. His cold blue eyes spoke for
him, they just told everything. "Who are you to enter my room? And who gave
you permission to come in? Did you hear me saying `come in'?" It was just a
couple of seconds, just enough time for Jed to move his eyes up and down
Raul's body with a killing scanning speed and intensity, and then look
away. "I'm through with you! You can get out now!" this was the clear
message. Raul didn't move. With his hands closed as for a prayer he stood
there and looked down at Jed. It was his own judgment day. He had made a
mistake, one he didn't even know about, but he made a huge mistake, and it
was time to get his punishment. Seconds seemed to be little eternities as
the boys stood there. Raul could feel a rejection. They say there is a
personal shield of each and every one of us, we are keeping a distance, it
is like a circle around us, and its radius depends on the person we are
standing next to. The ones we really love and care for can even touch us,
others are kept away. Raul could feel that circle getting stronger and
stronger around Jed; it was literally pushing him away. Jed's breathing
became uneven and Raul just knew it was time. There was no turning back
anymore. Raul saw Jed's lips move...

"Jed, baby where are you?" Erika suddenly crashed into the room. The moment
was gone. With widely opened eyes Raul expected Jed's reaction but it
seemed as if didn't even notice Erika entering, or better said crashing
into the room. The girl walked over and stopped opposite to Raul keeping a
fairly big distance.

"Jed baby, why are you talking to this piece of shit? I mean he is just
like a weak little piece of shit! He started crying down there, can you
believe that?" Jed didn't bother to look. Erika gave Raul a victorious look
and started over.

"He was mumbling something about not losing you! Can you believe it? He's
like so pathetic!" She gave Raul another victorious look.

No reaction.

"Ahm, Jed, baby, say something!?!"

No reaction.

"You know he doesn't want to lose you! He told me he has slept with you! In
the same bed! He is a liar. And he is also queer! He must be! Look at him!
He is just a shitty little fag!"

Raul felt helpless. He couldn't move his mouth to talk, he wanted so much
to hit Erika, to scream she was a bitch but in the same time to go and hug
Jed to tell him about his feelings. Instead of this he just felt like
crying. A very strong urge to cry.

"What is this? Where do you think you are? Is this a bloody elementary
school and I am the teacher? Or am I your fucking therapist?" Erika's jaw
dropped. Raul just shivered.

"Listen to me, and listen to me carefully you bitch! Because I am going to
say this only once and let it get into that stupid chicken brain of yours!
You have taken away the most precious thing from me! I finally had a
brother, and you took him away from me! Because of you I no longer have a
brother! He was the best thing that has happened to me lately. Let's say
since my mother's death! And you just had to have him, didn't you? You just
couldn't keep your fingers off of him, could you?"

"But Jed, baby..."

"I said shut up bitch!"

"I no longer have a brother because of you! And I am going to take my
revenge! Watch that slut ass of yours! Cause there is no escape from me! I
am going to find you wherever you go and I'm going to have my revenge!!!
Got that?" All this said with a calm and cold voice never looking at Erika
or Raul.

"I hate him Jed! I never loved Raul! I just used him, he was my ticket to
see you, like my little excuse to get here to you and to see you and to
have you! I only wanted you and I always wanted you! Not this ugly shit, he
is so disgusting! He is no man, he is just a FAG!"

"I said shut up! This will be the last time you will try to contact me or
see me! For your own sake, got me? Don't bother to conquer me, because I AM
THE LITTLE FAG HERE! I am the piece of shit of a fag you hate so much!
That's right bitch! Keep your ugly mouth shut! That poor disgusting
equipment of yours can't even turn on a gay guy! Oh God, I sincerely feel
sorry for the guy you will eventually succeed to fool! You are such a fake
snake! Now get out! Both of you! I can't see you no more!"

Raul's eyes filled with tears as he looked at Jed. He wasn't looking at
them, he just looked at the ground ever since they entered the room.

"What? You can't be serious! ..."

"I said get out before I hurt you! Both of you!" Jed shouted and closed his
fists in a spectacular way. It was no mistake in his body language.

Erika stepped back. She was obviously overwhelmed by these new changes and
it took her some time to get into her new role.

"You can't throw me out! I am going to make you pay for this! You both
little fags! Go fuck each other! I'm going to take care of both of you! You
will pay a high price for what you have done to me!"

"Get out NOW!" Jed got to his feet and took a step towards Erika. The girl
wasn't afraid this time.

"Go on, hit me! Just do it! Cause I damn well know how to use that against
you!" The role wasn't too convincing as Jed slowly lifted his left arm.

"Oh my God, you psycho..." Erika started screaming and ran out of the room.

"Get out, you too! N O W!!!"

Raul started walking out of the room. This time his heart as screaming to
stop but his body didn't obey. "What am I doing? I can't leave! He can't
hate me!" Gathering all his strength Raul stopped and turned around making
a step back.

"Out I said!" Jed yelled and faced Raul. He hated Raul. It was obvious now
there was no mercy in those cold blue eyes, the eyes that used to mesmerize
Raul. For one second their eyes met and Jed seemed to shake in his
decision. Raul couldn't hold back his tears. Time seemed to stop.

"Please forgive me! I never loved her! I only want you! You are all I want
in this world!" Raul's eyes tried to fight Jed's icebergs.

"Could it be? No, just get the hell out of here! You fake! You betrayed me,
you used me like all others! Leave now or I'll make you regret everything
you did to me! I HATE YOU!"

Raul shook again still not believing what was happening. Those eyes
actually spoke and that look started to push him out of the room. Raul
started stepping back, one step after the other till he left the room. Jed
broke the eye contact and turned away. He won and he was done now, he was
through with Raul.

To be continued???

***************************************************************************

What do you think? Is it good enough? Or maye too twisted! E thanks for the
editing, as always! Love you for that! And not only! :-)

Of course I will wait for all of your mails! (tulindobebito@yahoo.es)

Love

Marcos