Dustin's World

The first viewing for Dr. Reilly went by without incident. Dustin went, paying his respects for one of his mentors, as well as being there for his friends. Billy thanked him for coming, and told him that Brett seemed in a better mood after going with Dustin for the test. Dustin didn't really need to be reminded of that sword hanging so precipitously over his head. But, he told Billy that he was glad that Brett felt like he could talk with him.

It was at the second viewing, later that night, where the trouble began.

It started out without any problems at all. Dustin got there about fifteen minutes after seven o'clock. He sat around for a while, talking to old friends from high school that he hadn't seen since graduation. There were a lot of people there that Dustin didn't recognize, of course. They were friends of Dr. Reilly. Doctors and lawyers seemed to be all over the place. There were friends of Billy and Brett from Pitt. Dustin felt out of place among these people. He didn't figure Billy and Brett would mind if he slipped away.

But then he saw a familiar face. He watched as he walked through the crowd. Dustin felt his face flush with blood. He felt a vicious, violent anger fill him. He walked through the crowd, stalking... The object of his anger paid his respects at the casket. He turned around, and walked right into Dustin's fist connecting with his face.

A stunned gasp rose through the room.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Brett shouted angrily.

Dustin struggled to free himself from whoever was holding him back. He turned around to see that it was Billy.

"Well?" Billy asked, looking as angry as Dustin had ever seen him.

"That's the guy!" Dustin explained. "That's Nate."

Nate held his hand to the side of his jaw. "What?" He asked. "What did I do?"

"I don't know what you think you're trying to prove, but get the fuck out!" Brett said furiously.

"I'm sorry..." Dustin said.

"I don't care." Brett replied. "Get out!"

"Brett..." Billy started.

"Shut up, Billy!" Brett snapped.

"Fine." Billy replied, and walked away.

Brett stood there, shaking with anger. "I told you to get the fuck out of here! Jesus Christ you stupid asshole. You can't even go to a funeral without fucking everything up! Get the fuck out!" With that, Brett sat down in a chair, held his head up with his hands and began to sob. It was a horrible sound, the sound of a young man who had so trained himself not to cry that he'd seemingly forgotten how to do it.

Dustin walked through the silent crowd, unable to look at anything but shoes. When he made it outside, he felt someone grab his arm. He turned around to see Billy, puffing away at a cigarette.

"I'm sorry." Dustin said.

"I know you are." Billy replied. "I know Brett will too. He's just really stressed out."

"I didn't mean to punch him, Billy. It just happened."

"What was he doing here anyway?" Billy asked.

Just then, Nate walked out the door and saw the two boys.

"I don't want any trouble." Nate said.

"Fuck you." Dustin replied. "You already found trouble, asshole."

"What did I do?" Nate asked.

"You know what you did." Dustin replied.

"I know I got punched in the face at my old psychiatrist's funeral."

"Your psychiatrist?" Dustin asked.

"Yeah. After I tried to kill myself, they sent me to Dr. Reilly."

"Wait..." Billy interrupted. "You knew Jen?"

"Yeah."

"And you tried to kill yourself?" Billy asked.

"She was my psychiatrist for years. I didn't even know that Dustin would be here. Why'd you hit me?"

"Because you gave me AIDS you mother fucker." Dustin raged.

"I what?"

"You let me fuck you without a condom and you didn't tell me you had HIV you fucking slut."

"But I don't have HIV." Nate explained.

"Goddamn it, quit lying. Luke told me everything."

"What did Luke tell you?"

"He told me the truth. He told me that you got HIV when you were out selling your ass, and that's why he won't fuck you."

"Dustin, I swear to God, I don't have AIDS. I don't know why Luke told you that I did."

"Do you have proof of that?" Billy asked.

"Dude, I get tested all the time. I just had a test a few weeks ago. I'm negative."

"Then why would that guy tell Dustin that you have it?"

"Oh..." Dustin said. Oh my god... He knows."

"Knows what?" Nate asked.

"He knows I fucked you."

"How would he know? I told you, I never said a word." Nate asked.

"Big Red..." Dustin explained. "He knows I'm BigRed."

"But how?"

"The party. I knew he seemed different when he heard Scott call me Big Red... It all makes sense. Shit..."

"What? What the heck are you talking about?" Nate asked.

"Luke... well... I..."

"Dustin, what is it?" Nate asked.

"I fucked him." Dustin explained.

Nate's jaw dropped. "You what?!?!"

"It was at that party last Saturday."

"What party?" Nate asked angrily. "Luke was bowling last Saturday."

"It was a sex party. Our professor invited him. I didn't know he would be there. But he was having sex when I got there. One thing led to another and... well... It just happened."

"It just happened? You fucked my boyfriend and you say it 'just happened?' I can't believe you! You fucked my boyfriend and you think I have fucking AIDS!"

"Nate, calm down." Billy said.

"And who the fuck are you?" Nate asked.

"I'm Will. I'm Dustin's friend."

"And he told you everything, huh? My god... You fucked me. You knew Luke was my boyfriend and you fucked him anyway. You tell people that I've got AIDS. You fucking punched me in the middle of a funeral! Well you know what, you're the one who's sick! You know that? You're a fucking psycho! A big red-headed asshole! You know, it's appropriate that you like fucking people so much, because you're the biggest dick I've ever met! Stay the fuck away from me, you understand! You just stay the fuck away from me!"

Billy and Dustin watched as Nate stormed to his car and peeled out of the parking lot recklessly.

"He didn't mean all that, Dustin." Billy said. "He's just angry."

"No, he's right." Dustin replied. "I am a dick."

"No you're not."

"I think I'll go home now. Tell Brett how sorry I am. I... I need time to think."

Dustin walked to his motorcycle and rode away, leaving Billy to worry about what he was going to do. After finishing his cigarette, he walked back inside to comfort Brett.

When Luke arrived at his apartment later that night, he found Nate sitting on his couch. Luke couldn't help but notice that there were bags packed by the door.

"So, I hear I have AIDS." Nate said, trying to control his voice from showing his anger.

"Did you go to fuck him again?" Luke asked.

"No, he punched me in the face at the funeral."

"Good." Luke replied.

"Good? You told him I have AIDS! You lied! You lied to him! You lied to me! You told me you were going bowling last Saturday!"

"So he told you about that, too. I don't care. You cheated first."

"You asshole! All your stupid high and mighty act... All your talk about how much our relationship means to you. It was all lies!"

"Hey, I wanted things to work out. You hurt me first! So I got back at you. How stupid do you think I felt when I found out that it was Dustin that you cheated with? All that time, you were both probably laughing behind my back. You accuse me of lying, but all that time you let me think that jerk was my friend when he was the guy who fucked you."

"So you tell people that I have AIDS?! Who else have you told that?"

"Nobody."

"Then why did you tell him?"

"Because I just wanted to scare him." Luke admitted.

"Well you know what, when I cheated on you, I told you the truth. I thought we'd settled things. But you lied. You lied to Dustin about me, but you lied to me and told me that we were okay. So I don't want to live here anymore. I can't live with somebody who would betray me like that. So I'm leaving."

"Huh? And where do you think you're going to go?"

"What do you care? You proved that you don't give a shit about me."

"Natey... Don't leave like this. I'm sorry, buddy."

"Fuck you. Now you can go to all the parties you want without having to lie. And you can quit the fucking act that you're so much better than me. You're just as much of a whore as me."

"Nate..." Luke said.

But it was too late for apologies. It was too late for explanations. What Luke was thinking when he thought it would be a good idea to tell Dustin that Nate had AIDS, is between him and his conscience. But it cost him. Whatever pleasure he got from throwing Dustin into a panic was the only thing he got from his action. It cost him his companion. It cost him his lover. It would be something that he would forever wish he hadn't done.

Meanwhile, in a little apartment in Charleroi sat Dustin Smith. He stared for a long time out the window. He rubbed the rough skin of his jaw. He'd needed to shave since Brett visited him, but he'd never gotten around to it. The result was a rusty layer on his face. It was clear to him now what he had to do. It didn't matter what the result of his test turned out to be. He knew what it would turn out to be now that he'd talked to Nate. But it didn't matter. He didn't want to live anymore. He wished that he'd never existed at all in the first place. In the quiet of the night, he wrote a letter and put it in his pocket. He left another copy by his computer. When they found him, they'd understand. It would be the ultimate revenge. He hated the world. He hated his parents. But most of all, he hated himself.

"Everything's almost ready." He said to himself. "All I need now is the gun and the right place."

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Or, if you'd like to read my first story, W.A.R.,
/nifty/gay/highschool/war/

Chapter Twelve - The Truth Revealed

by Jeff Wilson