Date: Fri, 19 Aug 2005 09:15:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff Wilson <jkwsquirrel@yahoo.com>
Subject: Dustin's World Chapter 2

			      Dustin's World

		       Chapter Two -- Out and About

			      by Jeff Wilson


     Dustin lay on his bed wide-awake staring at the ceiling.  This was his
usual night.  There were nights when he stared up at the ceiling for the
entire night.  Sometimes he might work on his computer on a night like this
and wake up in the morning with his face smashed into the keyboard.  But on
this night, he was both too tired to get up and go to the computer, and too
awake to sleep.  His body was exhausted.  It usually was.  But it was his
brain that he could never get to stop.  Every time he would be about to
fade into sleep, his mind would kick on into high gear again.  But even
with all of the problems, it was still better than how he felt when he was
on his medicine.

     In another town, another man was finally arriving home, and was
surprised to see that his boyfriend was already home.

     "Fuck."  Nate said under his breath when he saw the car in the
driveway.  He pulled into the driveway and turned off the car.  He sat
there for a while, wondering what he would say.  Things weren't great with
Luke, but they hadn't been as bad as they were when they were cheating on
each other.  Nate opened his car door and walked up the walkway, his mind
trying to come up with every possible scenario that he could imagine.  He
sighed and opened the door.

     "Hey."  Luke said, sitting on the couch watching a television show.
"I thought you were going to hang out here tonight."

     "Oh, I changed my mind.  Just went out for a drive.  I'd have stayed
here if I'd have known you were coming home."

     "I wasn't worried.  It's a beautiful night out there.  I figured you'd
gone driving or something."

     Nate sat down next to Luke.  Luke put his arm around Nate and put his
head on Nate's shoulder.  He rested there for a while, and then he started
sniffing.  "Did you go to a bar or something?"

     "No, why?"  Nate asked.

     "Because you smell like smoke.  You weren't smoking again, were you?"

     "No."  Nate replied.

     "Did you stop in a bowling alley or something?"

     "No.  Jeez, what's with the third degree, Lucas?"

     "Why are you getting so defensive, Nathaniel?"  Luke snapped back.

     "I'm not getting defensive.  I just don't like it when you start
getting on my case like that."

     "I didn't realize that I was on your case, Nate.  I thought I was just
asking you a simple question and you act like I'm accusing you of going out
and fucking another guy."

     "Not again, Lucas!  Why can't you just let it go?  You cheated too,
you know."

     "I didn't do it to hurt you like you did to me.  I had to do it."

     "Yeah, you keep telling me that.  You just wanted to get a better
job."

     "Well I did it to make life better for us!  I didn't enjoy it."

     "You're worse than my fucking parents.  Only hurting me to make my
life better."

     Luke sighed.  "Nate... I haven't had sex with anyone but you since we
made up, I swear.  I know we haven't been as close as we were, but we'll
never get back to how we were if we don't tell each other the truth.  I
won't get mad at you if you don't lie to me."

     "Yes you will."

     "No, I promise I won't get mad."

     Nate breathed heavily and closed his eyes.  There was no use denying
it.  "Okay okay...  I got fucked tonight."

     "Mother fucker!"  Luke snapped.  He stood up and paced.  "Who was he?"

     "You said you wouldn't get mad!"  Nate protested.

     "Well I didn't think you'd actually go out and fuck somebody!  I
thought this shit was behind us!"

     "It is behind us!  It didn't mean anything."

     "It didn't?  Bull shit!  You lying sack of shit!"

     "I'm sorry."  Nate replied.

     "You're sorry?  How do you think I feel?"

     "I didn't do it to hurt you."

     Luke scowled.  "Yeah right.  Who was this asshole?!?"

     "Just some guy."

     "Some guy?  Some guy!!  You don't even know who the hell he is?"

     "I'm sorry, okay!"

     "Fuck sorry!!  Did you use a condom?"

     Nate didn't answer, he just looked at Luke's feet.

     "Aw god dammit, Nathaniel!!  You're such a fucking idiot!"

     "I said I'm sorry!!!"  Nate shouted.

     "Sorry's not going to cure you if you just went out and got AIDS
tonight is it?  You stupid mother fucking asshole.  'Gee I'm bored.  I
think I'll go get a big old shot of herpes blasted up my ass.'  God, you're
a moron, Nate."

     "Luke, please!  I'm sorry!!"

     "Shut the fuck up, Nate.  Just shut the fuck up."  Luke paced.  "I'm
going to the bedroom.  You can sleep out here or go back to whoever fucked
you.  I really don't care, and he probably doesn't either.  You're just a
fuck to him, and it's because you are a god damn whore.  Dumb ass!  I hope
you don't expect me to help you if you gave yourself HIV tonight, you
fucking idiot."

     Luke stormed out to the bedroom and slammed the door.  Nate sat on the
couch without moving for a long time.  His eyes burned but he refused to
let them cry.  He'd cried enough the last time this happened.  He leaned
back and put his hand on his chin.  He rubbed his lower lip with his pinky
and just sat there thinking for most of the night.


     Dustin watched as his alarm clock slowly inched toward six o'clock.
He had been watching it for about an hour.  Dustin turned it off before it
even had a chance to ring and sat up in his bed.  He stood up and stretched
his arms and legs.  He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room.  It
wasn't much, but it was his.  He pulled off his boxer shorts and scratched
his balls a bit before heading to the bathroom.  He lathered down his chest
and belly with shaving cream and quickly whisked away what little stubble
had been beginning to appear.  Dustin couldn't remember what had made him
first want to start shaving his chest.  He had never seen what his chest
would look like hairy.  He just decided that red chest hair just wouldn't
look right on him.

     After shaving, he got his electric shears and trimmed his pubes and
did away with any hair on his balls.  Dustin liked his equipment to look
presentable.  He never knew when there would be an opportunity to use it.

     Like last night.  When Dustin left Mike's, he wasn't expecting to fuck
anybody else.  He thought he'd go home, play around on the computer and go
to bed.  He was pleasantly surprised that that guy, What's-His-Name, had
actually come over.

     "What was his name, anyway?"  Dustin wondered as he showered.  "It
started with an N... Neil... Nick... Nathan... Nate!  Nate was his name."
Dustin laughed.  "Nathaniel Stevens."

     Actually, Dustin had heard of him before.  He was a preacher's kid.
His friend Billy had run into some trouble with that preacher a few years
ago.  It was something that Dustin had been thinking about as he lay awake
last night.  He remembered Billy talking about the preacher's son being gay
and being kicked out of their house.  He thought about how funny it was
that he'd fucked him just last night, this boy that he'd heard about so
long ago.


     "Well, you coming to school with me?"  Luke asked as Nate pulled
himself off the couch.  His hair was a tangled mess and his neck hurt from
sleeping on it wrong.  Luke was already showered and ready to go.

     "Luke, about last night..." Nate started.

     "Nathaniel, I really don't want to hear it, okay.  You betrayed me
again, after everything we went through.  I understood the last time.  You
thought I cheated on you, you wanted revenge so you cheated on me.  I
totally understood and I thought we'd gotten over it.  But this time..."

     "Lucas, I'm so sorry!  I don't know what came over me."

     "Apparently some asshole jerk came over you, or in you.  Fuck, I sure
hope you get tested again."

     "The guy said he was clean."  Nate replied.

     Luke laughed.  "Oh that's real comforting!  Of course he told you
that, Nate.  He wanted a free fuck.  He'd tell you anything you wanted to
hear to get his dick in your asshole.  I... I can't believe how stupid you
are.  I don't know how long it's going to take before I can ever trust you
again."

     "Sorry..." Nate apologized again.  "Give me five minutes and I'll be
ready to go."


     Dustin enjoyed school.  It was one of his many secrets.  He was
actually a very bright boy when he was little, but he quickly learned that
his father didn't want a son who was better than him at anything.  So he
was always careful to be middle of the pack.  Only one of his teachers had
ever confronted him on it.  She pulled him aside one day after school and
told him straight up that she knew he was dogging his work on purpose and
she wanted to know why.  She was the one teacher that Dustin liked in the
whole school, and he was convinced that she was the only teacher that had
liked him.  She put him in her advanced courses and helped him outside of
school to earn some money under the table.

     Dustin liked to try new things.  In fact, the more new things he
learned, the happier he felt.  But he hated to review.  If the teacher was
telling him anything he already knew, he was out to lunch in his mind.  But
"new" excited him.  Different excited him.  The unknown peaked his
curiosity.

     Dustin had breezed through most of his classes during his time at
California University of Pennsylvania.  He had blasted through his
Bachelor's Degree in three years and was working on his Master's now.
Computers were something that fascinated him, and when something interested
Dustin he dove into it with reckless abandon.  Dustin sometimes wondered
which he liked more, computers or sex.

     Sitting in the seat next to Dustin was a guy that he'd seen in a few
of his other classes over the years.  He'd talked with him a time or too
but didn't really know too much about him.  He was a little older than
Dustin, and very cute with his dark blonde hair and blue eyes.  Dustin
didn't know a thing about him, but he wondered if he might find a way into
his pants at some point.  But then, Dustin thought that about all the cute
guys he saw.  When Dustin had a guy figured for gay, he was almost always
right.  And once they found out what he had for them, he usually had no
trouble getting them out of their clothes.  Dustin figured that having a
gay best friend growing up must have given him time to learn all the signs.
And the guy next to him was definitely giving the signs.

     Dustin allowed his pencil to roll off his desk and onto the floor
between them.  As Dustin leaned over to pick it up, the other guy also
leaned over to help him.  He reached the pencil first and handed it to
Dustin.

     "Thanks."  Dustin said.

     "Don't mention it."  The man replied.  He looked at Dustin as if he
was trying to figure something out about him, and then smiled politely at
Dustin.

     Dustin went back to taking his notes.  That was all the contact he
would make that day.  He knew how to operate slowly.  It was actually more
fun to work his way into a guy's pants than what he'd done last night.
Sure, just flat out fucking a perfect stranger was great, but working for
weeks to slowly take out the boundaries and then fuck the hell out of
somebody was awesome.

     "Class dismissed.  Mr. Smith, I'd like a word with you."  The teacher
said.

     As the class exited, Dustin gathered his belongings and slowly made
his way to the teacher's podium.

     "Yeah, Dr. Thompson?"  Dustin asked.

     "Hmmm, yes Dustin... Listen.  About what happened last semester..."

     Dustin smiled.  "Dr. Thompson I haven't said a word..."

     "Well I know you haven't... But, I just wanted to let you know... I
can't allow anything like that to happen again this semester."

     "I can live with that."  Dustin said.

     "Oh... Good... I know that you don't make your... prowess... much of a
secret.  And, well, I wouldn't want any rumors to start going around.  My
wife might not appreciate that too much."

     "Dr. Thompson, trust me.  Unless you've been banging any other
students you don't have anything to worry about.  And really, you're not
going to find anybody better than me anyway."

     Dr. Thompson chuckled.  "That's quite true... You were the best thing
to come across my desk in years."

     Dustin laughed and was on his way.  He was always ready to do
something daring.  And when the opportunity presented itself, Dustin never
turned it down, even if it was in a professor's office.

     As Dustin walked out of the building, he saw that blond guy from his
class again, sitting on a bench.  Dustin debated whether to say anything or
let the moment pass.  The guy looked up.  Dustin couldn't let the moment go
by now.  He walked over to the guy.

     "Hey."  He said.

     "Hi.  Mr. Smith, huh?"

     "Oh... Yeah.  Dustin Smith, actually."

     "Lucas Cunningham.  But everybody calls me Luke.  Nice to meet you."

     "Luke..." Dustin said thoughtfully.  Why did that name sound familiar?
"We've been in a few classes together before.  But it's nice to finally
meet you.  Well, see you later."

     Dustin walked to his motorcycle and then rode to his old hometown of
Donora.  It was time to work.  Dustin parked behind Janet's Diner and
walked through the back door.  Ever since her son had gone to Penn State,
Dustin had been working at Janet Rush's diner.  He waited tables, washed
dishes, and did whatever Janet told him to do.  He'd also had more than his
share of fun in the bathroom, too.  Janet sometimes wondered if some of the
customers came more for the food or the waiter.

     "Well, Dustin, about time you showed up."  Janet said as Dustin pulled
his apron on.

     "I had to talk with a professor after class."  Dustin replied.

     "Well, if talking is all you did then I'd be shocked."  Janet replied.

     Dustin smiled.  He didn't mind that people knew about him.  He was
proud of his growing reputation, actually.  Fucking was something that he
did very well, and very frequently, and he liked the fact that people knew
that.

     As the evening went by, Dustin worked hard and did the best he could
to keep up with the steady business that the restaurant received.  As the
evening slowed down, Dustin was almost ready to go home when an unexpected
customer sat down at a table.

     "Can I go, Jan?"  Dustin asked.

     "I'm done with you for tonight."  Janet replied.  Dustin slipped off
his apron and walked to the table.

     "Well if it isn't Sarah Taylor," Dustin said.

     Sarah looked up from her menu and laughed.  "Oh my God, Dustin Smith!
Sit down.  Sit down."

     Dustin sat in the bench across from her.  "Well, I didn't expect to
ever see you again."

     "Yeah, I'm back for good, looks like."  She replied.

     "What happened to Dartmouth?"

     "Well, let's just say that I didn't learn the best study habits while
I was here."

     "You flunked out?!  But you were valedictorian!"

     "Come on Dustin.  Everybody knows that Billy should have been
valedictorian."

     "Wow.  I never thought I'd hear you say that."

     "Well, it's the truth, isn't it?  I mean, my father practically beat
him over the head and stole it off him.  Didn't he?"  Sarah replied.

     "Well yeah... But I'm surprised to hear you actually say it."

     "I did learn a lot while I was at Dartmouth, Dustin.  I learned more
than I bargained for.  All those years, I thought that I was the one
earning those grades.  I never realized how my father manipulated people."

     "Well, I guess you're the one who paid for it, huh?"

     "I wish valedictorian was some kind of trophy or something so I could
just give it to Billy and be done with it.  It's caused nothing but
trouble."

     "Billy wouldn't take it if you offered it to him now.  He's the most
stubborn guy I know."

     "Oh, that's part of why I was so blind about what was going on.  I
really wanted to kick his butt at the end there.  He always made it look so
easy.  He never had to study like we did.  He just sat there and learned
whatever the teacher said and then did it."

     "He inherited it.  His dad was freaking brilliant."

     "Well he didn't have to be so cocky about it.  I just hated him so bad
that I never even realized what my dad was doing behind my back.  I guess
he hates me pretty bad after all that, huh?"

     "He doesn't really talk to me about it.  He and Brett don't really
come around here anymore.  They were too busy with Brett's mom to do much
this summer."

     "How is Dr. Reilly?  I'd heard she had brain cancer."

     Dustin sighed.  "I don't know.  She's not doing well at all.  They've
had her back and forth to that hospital so many times.  I don't know how
she does it."

     "I don't know how Brett does it either.  It's got to be killing him to
see his mom like that."

     "Brett's tougher than people think.  I've gone my rounds with him.
Hell, I beat the shit out of him a time or two.  He doesn't stay down,
though.  He's handling it better than most people would."

     "Yeah..." Sarah said.  Janet brought Sarah her order, and gave Dustin a
sandwich and a Coke, even though he hadn't asked for anything.  The two
continued their catching up through dinner.

     "So, can I ask you something personal?"  Sarah asked.

     "I guess."  Dustin replied.  "I ain't one for hiding nothing anymore."

     "Well, I just... I always wanted to know... What happened to you in
tenth grade?  When you disappeared at the end of the school year..."

     "Oh.  That..."

     "Well, it's just that there are so many rumors."

     Dustin sighed and held up his arms to show Sarah his wrists.  "Well,
you see these scars?"  Sarah silently stared at the two white lines that
criss-crossed the inside of each of Dustin's wrists.  "That's what happened
to me."

     "So you did try to kill yourself!  I'd always heard that's what
happened."  Sarah asked.

     "I tried."  Dustin answered flatly.  "Didn't try hard enough,
obviously, seeing as I'm still here."

     "Why?"  Sarah asked.

     "Just got bored on a Saturday night."  Dustin replied.

     "Dustin!"  Sarah snapped.  "Why did you do that to yourself?"

     Dustin turned his wrists around to look at the scars.  "I don't know
why... Sometimes I got really depressed for no reason.  I still think about
death sometimes.  What would it be like?  Would anybody care if I died?
Would my parents..." Dustin shook his head as if to shake the thoughts loose
from his head.  "Anyway... After my dad got arrested and I drank all his
beer and did this to myself.  Pretty stupid huh?"

     "I'll say..."

     "I should have used a gun.  It would have worked better."

     "Dustin!!  Don't say that!"  Sarah exclaimed.

     "Don't worry.  I wouldn't try to kill myself anymore.  Dr. Reilly
helped me out a lot.  She said it was mostly a 'cry for help,' that's why I
didn't use something more destructive."

     "Thank God."  Sarah said.

     Dustin smiled.  "Oh really?  Would you have cared if I died?"

     "I would have been very sad.  You were always a very nice boy.  You
got a little weird there for a while, but you turned out so nice.  Emily
was crazy to let you get away."

     "Yeah?  Well, she didn't seem to have much trouble replacing me, did
she?"

     "I guess not.  How many kids does she have now?  Three?"  Sarah asked.

     "Yeah.  She met a nice wholesome guy at church and now they have nice
little Catholic babies together."  Dustin said sarcastically.  "She never
even let me touch her boobs."

     "I guess you and I should have gotten together.  With a guy like you,
I'd have let you do more than that."  Sarah laughed.

     "Okay, time for me to ask you a personal question."  Dustin said.

     "Yes I had sex with half the football team."  Sarah said.

     Dustin laughed.  "Well, that answers that."

     "I can admit my mistakes.  I smoked some dope, got high and ended up
screwing just about all the seniors on the team.  I'm so lucky I didn't get
anything.  It was so stupid."

     "You have any fun up at Dartmouth?"  Dustin asked.

     "Why do you think I ended up back here?"  She replied.

     "Em always said you were a party girl.  I never believed it.  Maybe
you and I should have hooked up instead of me and Em."

     "I'd have worn you out, mister."  Sarah said boastfully.

     "The hell you would have.  I've probably been through more guys than
you ever will."

     Sarah gasped.  "Oh my god, you're gay?"

     "No.  I just like fucking guys.  I'd do girls too if they weren't so
god damn clingy."

     "So you're bi?"

     "I'm Dustin Smith, and that's all people need to worry about."

     Sarah sat quietly for a moment.  Then she asked, "Are you hung?"

     Dustin laughed out loud.  "It's proportional to the rest of my body."
He said.

     "Nice."  Sarah said, smiling.

     "Well, this has been great.  But I better head home.  I've got a lot
of work to do before I go to bed."

     "Sounds like you do your best work in the bed."  Sarah quipped.

     Dustin smiled again.  "Never had any complaints.  Well, see you
later."

     "Dustin wait!"  Sarah said.  "I'm living at home.  Here... Here's my
cell number."  She wrote it down on a slip of paper and handed it to him.
"Call me."

     "Okay."  Dustin replied.  "I'll see you around, I guess."

     As Dustin rode home, he thought about the conversation he'd had with
Sarah.  He hadn't said so much to somebody about himself since Dr. Reilly
got sick.  He was surprised at how easy it was to talk to her.  He had
never really tried when they were growing up together.  After he parked his
bike, he headed up the stairs to his room.  Mr. Johnston met him in the
stairway on the way up.

     "Oh, alone tonight.  Huh, Red?"

     "For now."  Dustin replied.

     "Well, maybe I'll finally have some peace tonight."

     "Yeah, fuck off you old fucktard."  Dustin mumbled under his breath.

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