Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2005 08:20:22 -0700 (PDT) From: Jeff Wilson Subject: Dustin's World Chapter 5 Dustin's World Chapter Five -- Old Rivals by Jeff Wilson Dustin woke up with a start the morning after he'd had sex with Sarah. He smiled a little bit as he remembered what happened. He was only happy for a minute or so though, before he remembered the reason that he'd gone over to Sarah's house in the first place. The sex had taken his mind off it for a little while, but now he was back to reality. His dad was out. He knew it was going to happen eventually. And he had always been dreading the day. Sure, his dad couldn't molest him anymore. He couldn't abuse him. But he could still hurt Dustin. His very existence hurt Dustin. Dustin lit a cigarette and sat on his favorite chair by the computer. He was wearing a pair of old boxers and working on a paper for class when a knock came on his door. Dustin checked the peep hole and then opened the door. His mother came inside carrying a few grocery bags. Dustin peaked out in the hallway. Mrs. Smith couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable seeing Dustin in just a pair of boxers. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him without a shirt on, much less without pants. He was certainly a lot bigger than the last time she could remember. Much more muscular than the tall lanky boy growing up. She also wondered just how many young men had been in and out of her son's little place since he'd moved here. "You didn't bring him along, did you?" Dustin said, still looking up and down the hallway. "No. I don't know where he's staying." "Good. I don't want him to know where I live." Dustin said. "I brought you some groceries." Mrs. Smith said. "You divorced him, mom. He had no right to bother you like that." "He showed up between the time you called and the time you showed up, Dustin. I'm sorry. I know you don't want anything to do with him." "I don't care. I just want him dead." "Dustin..." "Mom, there's not excuse for what he did to us. Listen to how he talks to you. It pisses me off." "I know... I know..." "And why'd you go and tell him that I fuck guys?" "Well I thought..." "I'm not gay mom. I just do it with whoever I want." "I know Dusty..." "Don't call me that, mom." "Dustin... I just... I'm so worried about you." "I'm fine." "And you stopped taking your medicine..." "Mom, I don't need it anymore. I feel fine. I don't want to be drugged all the time anymore. I was miserable on that shit." "But with your bipolar..." "Fuck it! I don't need to be reminded that I have a fucked up brain all the time, okay! I feel fine! I've never felt better. I couldn't feel anything on that stuff. I couldn't feel anything at all. Now I can feel like me again. I feel good again. Hell, I can feel bad again. I feel like a person again." "Dustin, you know that you crash hard. I don't want my boy to get hurt." "Mom, I'm twenty-one years old. I'm not your little boy anymore. I know how to deal with my problems." "I just want you to be safe. I love you so much." "I'm fine mom. I'm not going to hurt myself, if that's what you're so worried about." "I'm just so proud of how far you've come. You're doing so well at school. I always knew that you were smarter than you acted. And you're so handsome. I'm sure there are a lot of girls out there who are just going nuts over you." "Ha. Well, a lot of people go nuts over me mom. It must be the Irish blood." Dustin laughed. "Oh, certainly! I've always wanted you to embrace your heritage. There's no denying it with that beautiful red hair and those blue eyes of yours." "Yeah yeah yeah..." Dustin said, feeling a little embarrassed. "It's true! You deserve good things in your life. I just wish that I could have given them to you when you were growing up." "Well, I've got my own place and all the sex I could want. How could life get any better?" Dustin laughed. "Well, I just stopped by to drop this stuff off for you. I don't want you to be hungry." Dustin looked in the bags. "Frosted Flakes." He smiled. "You shouldn't have." "Well I know you like them..." Mrs. Smith said. Dustin reached in the bag and pulled out... "Condoms, mom?" "Well I..." "Ew..." Dustin said, feeling even more embarrassed. "I just worry about you. I hear the rumors about you." "All lies." Dustin said. "I wish they were. I know better. I just want you to be safe." "Can I borrow twenty bucks?" Dustin asked, hoping to change the subject. "I need to buy gas." Mrs. Smith opened her purse and handed Dustin the money. "No cigarettes. No alcohol." "I never drink." Dustin said as he lit a cigarette. "I don't need any bad habits. Thanks, mom." "You be careful on that thing. I still say you should have bought a car instead of that death trap. Remember what happened to poor Brett." "How could I forget when you keep reminding me about it?" Dustin asked. "Well keep it in mind. I like all your bones exactly where they are." Mrs. Smith gave Dustin a kiss on the cheek and walked to the door. "I love you, Dustin." Dustin smiled. "Okay, I love you too." He replied. "You better tell him to get the fuck out of town, because if I see him I am going to kill him." "I don't think he intends to stick around. He hasn't had a drink in five years. Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll drink himself to death." "Yeah. Fucking drunk..." "You be good, Dustin. You're all I've got." Mrs. Smith said as she opened the door to let herself out. Dustin watched from his window as his mom talked to Zack for a minute and then got into her car and drove off. He lit another cigarette and continued looking through the bags that his mom had brought him. There was the usual assortment of food products and such, and of course, that box of condoms. Dustin laughed. This wasn't the first time she'd bought them for him. He didn't have the heart to tell her that they were too small for him. If she only knew just how much her 'little boy' had grown up... He put them in his medicine cabinet with the others. He put on some pants and a black shirt. He debated whether he'd need a jacket on a warm early October day. He decided to wear it, since he could always take it off if he got too warm. He locked up his apartment, and was surprised that Mr. Johnston wasn't there to pester him. As he started to walk down the hall, his other neighbor's door opened. "Hey Craig." Dustin said. "Dude. How you doing, man?" Craig replied. Craig was about Dustin's age. He was a major dope smoker, so much so that Dustin could smell it in his room sometimes. He was wearing a Pirates baseball cap over his longish blond hair. "Not bad. Got laid last night." Dustin boasted. "Dude, you always get laid. Big deal." "It was a girl." Dustin explained. "Whoa dude. I thought you were gay." "I've told you not to listen to Mr. Johnston. He's an asshole." "Dude, I can listen to the wall. I don't know what you do to those guys, but they sure make a lot of noise." "Well, you should come over and find out some time. Then you'll see why they make all that noise." Dustin suggested. Craig laughed nervously. "That's okay, dude. I'll do that when you come over and have a smoke with me." Now it was Dustin's turn to laugh. "I can't. I've already had my brain fucked with enough. Well, see you later." Dustin started up his motorcycle, and went for a ride. He stopped at the gas station to spend his mom's money, and then he headed north. He followed the river through villages and towns until he had worked his way to Pittsburgh. He rode to a part of Pittsburgh called Oakland, where Pittsburgh University and most of the best hospitals are. He parked in one of the parking garages and walked to one of the hospitals. He hated going there. He hated going to any hospital, really. It always reminded him of the bad times he'd been through when he was fifteen. He walked through the halls and up the elevator to the cancer ward, where he asked the nurses for directions. They sent him to a different section of the hospital where he found who he was looking for. He entered quietly into the room and was surprised to see Dr. Reilly sitting in a chair, writing at a desk. "Dr. Reilly?" Dustin asked. Dr. Reilly turned around and smiled. "Dustin! I'm so glad to see you!" "How... How are you doing?" He asked. "Oh, I'm blessed. I'm very blessed. Come sit down." She said. Dustin sat down in a chair next to her. "They don't have you hooked up to anything?" "No, I'm all done with that." She replied. Dustin couldn't believe how thin she'd become. She was wearing a scarf around her head to cover her head where all of her hair had fallen out because of the treatments she'd received. For three years, she'd traveled back and forth between her house and the hospital, and for three years it had seemed that she'd done nothing but get progressively worse. "You're done with it? You mean they finally got it?" Dustin asked. "Well, not exactly. But enough about me. How are you doing?" "I'm good. I'm good." Dustin said. "I... I did have a bad day yesterday though." "How so?" "Dad's out. He was at mom's house yesterday." "Oh no. I'm sorry." "It didn't bother me." Dustin lied. "Dustin, you're usually a better liar than that." Dr. Reilly said. Dustin smiled. "Well, I did try to strangle him." "Oh?" "I didn't! Mom stopped me from doing anything. He's such an asshole." "Well, I won't argue with you there." "He said that he didn't do anything to me and that it's all your fault that he went to jail." "I would imagine that he'd feel that way. He did something so despicable that even he can't grasp what he did. He's in denial about his crimes. He always was." "Well, he did do it. He hurt me." Dustin said. "I know sweetheart. I know." "He... He didn't even care that he hurt me. He hadn't seen me since then and all he could say was that he thought I'm a fag." "Oh no!" Dr. Reilly said angrily. "That selfish, evil monster." "He did. And he said that I couldn't even kill myself without fucking it up." "Oh Dustin! Come here..." Dr. Reilly opened her arms and Dustin moved closer so that she could hug him. "I'm so sorry. Why did such a good boy have to be treated so cruelly?" Dustin laughed to himself. "Heh... Good, huh? I'm not good." "Yes you are, Dustin. You are a good person." "Tell that to all the people I've screwed." Dustin said. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear, Dustin. You are one of the most special people I've ever known. You keep looking for love, but you won't find it the way you're looking. Partner after partner..." "How will I find it then?" Dustin asked. "That's something you're going to have to figure out by yourself. I won't be able to help you with that." Dustin sat back in his chair. "I hate love." "You've been hurt so much by people who you love. I can't blame you for feeling that way." "Hey mom, I talked to... Oh... Hey Dustin." "Hey Brett." Dustin replied. "I saw that you called me and Billy last night. Sorry we didn't get back to you." Brett said. Brett sat on the bed and yawned. He ran his fingers through his light brown hair and smiled weakly. "It was nothing. I dealt with it." Dustin said. "Dr. Reilly, we're ready." A nurse said. "Oh... Good." Dr. Reilly said. "Boys, I'm going to need about an hour. Brett I know you just got here..." "That's okay. I'll go get something to eat." Brett said. "You want to come along, Dustin? You can keep me company." "You want me to keep you company?" Dustin asked. In all the years he'd known Brett Reilly, he'd never been asked to do that. "Sure, unless you've got something else to do today?" "I have to work later, but I've got time. Sure." Dustin said. The boys walked to the elevator and Brett pressed the button for the top floor, where the dining area was. The neat thing about the hospital cafeteria was that it was in a place that had the best view from the windows. Brett loaded up his plate and then paid for Dustin's meal as well. They sat near a window and Brett ate while Dustin picked away at his food. He was always amazed that Brett could eat so much and not gain weight. "How's your leg?" Dustin asked. "My leg? It's great. It hurts now and then, but I only have to wear a brace every now and then if I'm bowling or anything strenuous." "Oh, you're bowling again?" "Yeah. I even got Billy into it with me. He still sucks but he's getting better." "I haven't been bowling since high school." Dustin said. "You remember the time..." "Yes, I remember. Don't remind me." Brett said quickly. "How many times did you say 'fuck' that night?" "I don't fucking know." Brett replied. "And then, ka-pow! Right in Billy's face." Dustin laughed, mock punching himself in the mouth. "He'd have been fine if he didn't have the braces back then." "No, you were pissed, he'd have bled anyway." "You know, I miss the braces sometimes..." Brett said wistfully. "Didn't they make things hard?" Dustin asked. "Well they made something hard." Brett replied. Dustin laughed. "Oh disgusting..." Brett laughed. "You should get back into bowling, you know. You were good." "Aw, I did all right..." Dustin said modestly. "Dude, you were the best in our league. You'd average two hundred by now if you'd have kept at it." Dustin smiled a little as he took a drink of Pepsi. He wasn't used to getting complimented by Brett. He was surprised at how good it made him feel. "You look tired." Brett said between bites. "I don't sleep very well." Dustin replied. "Billy said you stopped taking your medicine." "That's right, I did." Dustin replied. "I don't blame you. That shit really fucks with you." "Yeah. I just had to learn how to deal with things on my own, without being a zombee." Dustin explained. "So, why do you look so tired?" "It's been a long couple of months." Brett said, looking out the window. "She's asked for them to stop treatments." "She WHAT?!!? Why?" Dustin asked. "Well, they thought they had the cancer beat. But then they found out that it had spread. It's all over now." "Can't you make them keep trying?" Dustin asked. "It's not what she wants, Dustin." "Then forget about she wants. Overrule them or something. You're her son!" "Dustin, you've seen what this has done to her. She's fought as hard as she can for three years. She's done fighting. She's given everything she's got." "How can you just let her die?" Dustin asked. Brett slammed down his fork and glared at Dustin. "You think I want this? God, Dustin, I've been watching her die for three fucking years! She's suffering, for God's sake! You don't know what it's like to watch someone you love be in pain for years." "I need her, Brett! She's the only one I can talk to!" Dustin said. Brett knew what Dustin meant. He sighed and closed his ocean blue eyes. When he opened them again, Dustin noticed the tears that Brett was trying to hold back. "I know... You don't understand though. She's not your mom. You'll still have your mom. It's not even like when Billy's dad died. He just went nice and quiet in his sleep. I have to watch her suffer every day. You don't understand how much pain she'd be in if they didn't have her on so much pain medicine. The cancer is everywhere. There's not a part of her that's not in pain." "Too bad it's not my dad who this happened too." Dustin said. "I don't even think I'd wish that on him." Brett said. "Oh, I would." Dustin replied. "You don't understand how much I hate his guts." "I think I understand." Brett said. "No you don't..." Dustin said. "Sure I do. He was your dad, the guy who was supposed to protect you from bad things happening to you. And sure, he was always kind of a jerk, but nobody ever thought he'd do what he did, especially you. He betrayed you. And that's not easy for a fifteen year old kid." "I was fourteen." Dustin said. "All the worse... But the point is, what he did was even worse than if a stranger had done it. Because he should have protected you, and instead he violated your trust and turned you into a person who could never trust anybody again." "I trust your mom. I trust Billy." "You never told Billy the whole truth. You always lied to him. That's a big part of why I didn't like you growing up. You were a liar. I knew you were smarter than you used to act." "I just wasn't interested in school." Dustin said. "Oh no, I think you would have given Billy and Sarah a run for their money if you'd tried. You only pretended to be dumb because you didn't want your dad to get jealous of you." Dustin looked at Brett with a perplexed look. "Did your mom tell you all this?" "No. Never. She would never do that. But I can see it for myself. We had our problems growing up, but I never really hated you. I guess I felt like you got a bad deal." "I guess you were always kind of looking out for me though. You saved my life." "And you beat the shit out of me for it." Brett reminded. "Well, I guess I was always kind of jealous of you. You got Billy." Brett pointed at Dustin. "I knew you were jealous! I always knew it!" Dustin laughed. "Okay you finally caught me. I was insanely jealous." "Well, if it makes you feel better, I was jealous of you, too." Brett admitted. "You were jealous of me? Why?" "Because Billy was your best friend. You guys have a special relationship that I can't explain. I mean, I love him more that anything, but I know that you do too. But it's different." "You get to have sex with him." "It's not that. You're like his brother. You guys get along so easily. And Billy's not somebody who gets along with people the way you get along with him." Brett said. "You two have something that I could never understand. You two are meant to be together. To me, sex is just something to do to make my dick feel good. But for you two, it means something. It makes you... I don't even know what. But it's something that I could never have. "You make it sound like we do it easily. It's not just sex, Dustin. It's a lot of work." "Billy? A lot of work?!? No!" Dustin said in mock surprise. "I love Billy so much. But we can get on each other's nerves you know. We've been together since we were fourteen. That's a long time and a lot to go through together. I mean, most of the time we didn't know what the hell we were doing. We just made it up as we went along. Having sex with him just made things more complicated. I mean, you give somebody all your trust like that, and when you're fifteen everything seems so huge." Brett said. "He's an amazing guy." "Yeah, he is. I'm really lucky. He's been amazing through everything that's been going on. I don't know what I'd have done without him." Brett said. "So, what happened last night?" "Eh, it was nothing." "Bullshit. Something big happened. I could tell. You've never called my cell before. What happened?" "Well, I had sex..." "Well that's nothing new." Brett interrupted. "With Sarah." Dustin finished. "Oh... my... God! You fucked Sarah Taylor?" "Yeah." Dustin replied. "Did you disinfect afterward?" "Brett!" "Dude, do you know how many guys she's fucked?" "Do you know how many I've fucked?" Dustin replied. "Because I don't. I've lost track at around a hundred fifty or so. And that was like two years ago. I needed something different." Brett shook his head. "Sarah Taylor... Wow. You fucked Sarah Taylor." "I guess I did." Dustin said. "Did you use protection?" "Do I ever?" Dustin replied. "Oh! Dustin!! Are you out of your mind?" "Probably." Dustin said. "Wow... I can't believe you fucked her bareback. Wait until Billy hears about this!" "Can we not tell Billy, please?" Dustin asked. Brett stopped smiling for a minute. "Oh... Okay. I won't tell him if you don't want him to know." "I was kind of hoping we could keep it between us." "Sure." Brett said. "So... What was it like?" "It was okay. I wouldn't rank her in the top ten." "Ouch. Cruel. So, how'd you end up doing her?" "I don't know. It just kind of happened. I was really upset and I went over there to talk to her. Well, one thing led to another and the next thing I know is she's blowing me." "Ew. Okay... Then?" "Then I fucked her." "Just like that?" "Yeah. What? You never just fucked before?" "Dude, think about who I'm married to." "Oh... Yeah. Well, maybe you've never just fucked for the hell of it, but it does happen, you know." "So... Do you love her?" Brett asked. "No. I don't do the whole 'love thing.' That's for you and Billy and Mike. She offered me a chance to have some pussy and I took it." "Ew. I don't want to picture you and Sarah Taylor's pussy... I still can't believe you fucked the princess of darkness." "She's different now. She's a lot nicer than she used to be. I needed to talk to somebody and you guys weren't around. I'd had a good time with her a few weeks ago talking to her. So I called her. I didn't go over there to have sex. It just happened. I just wanted to talk to somebody." "So what did you talk with her about?" "My dad got out of prison." "Fucking hell!" Brett exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" "I don't know. He hasn't changed a bit." "Still an asshole?" Brett asked. "An even bigger asshole than before. He blames you and your mom for him going to jail. He says you made me turn against him." "All I did was tell the truth." "I know that. But it just shows how much of a jerk he is." Brett finished eating and looked at his watch. "Wow, that hour went by fast! I'm going to head back down. You going to come with me?" "I guess I'll come say good bye before I head home." They walked back to Dr. Reilly's room, and found Dr. Reilly resting in bed. She was very happy to see the boys had returned. "Welcome back." She said. "Everything okay, mom?" Brett asked. "Just fine, Brett." She replied. "Well, I just came by to say goodbye." Dustin said. "Thank you, Dustin." Dr. Reilly said. "You know, I'm so happy to see the two of you being friendly to each other again." "I'm glad too." Dustin said. "Eh, you're still an asshole." Brett said, laughing. Dustin laughed. "Oh, I know. Thanks for listening, Brett." "Anytime, Dustin. You have my number. If there's anything you need, call me." Brett said. Dustin gave Dr. Reilly a hug and shook Brett's hand and then was on his way back home. As he passed Craig's door he could smell the familiar odor and knew that Craig was probably feeling pretty mellow. Just as he was opening his door, Mr. Johnston came out of his apartment. "No, I don't have another victim to fuck." Dustin said, laughing. "One of your old flames was looking for you." Mr. Johnston said. "Who?" Dustin asked. "Some kid, about your age. Never seen him before." "What did he say?" Dustin asked. "Asked if you were around. I told him you were out." "Well what did he look like?" "Oh, brown hair. About my height." "What color were his eyes?" Dustin asked. "I don't know! I don't pay attention to that kind of thing. I just know that he looked upset that you weren't here and took off pretty quick." "And he was driving a...?" Dustin hinted. "The hell if I know. I just went back to watching television." "Well, thanks for the helpful hints, you fucking cum dumpster. You just described about eighteen guys that I've fucked." "You know maybe if you'd..." Dustin didn't let him finish as he slipped into his apartment. He gathered his clothes for work and then checked his answering machine. "Dusty, Brett told me about your dad. Why didn't you leave a message? Anyway, if you need anything, call me. Okay? Don't do anything that you'll regret. I'll talk to you later." Dustin smiled as he heard the comforting voice of his best friend. He would talk to Billy later, but for now, he was running late for work. He managed to slip out before Mr. Johnston noticed him and rode to work. He knew that the diner's busy atmosphere would keep his mind occupied for the evening.