It was late. About 1 AM in the morning and I still couldn't sleep. I kept
thinking about our evening and what had happened and what was going to
happen. I turned to Rene's side. My angel was sleeping next to me. I could
see his face and the outline of his magnificent body in the moonlight. He
was shirtless and wearing loose boxers. My baby.
Right then I felt miserable. I was SO close to my angel, yet so far. I
wanted to give him up, but how could I. I wanted to hug him, kiss him and
feel him, but how could I? I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
I inched towards him and placed my hand on his body. Only two of my
fingers touched his stomach. It felt cold and soft. Then I slowly placed
my palm on my Rene and I felt a little better. I closed my eyes. A tear
dropped onto the mattress as I began to sink into sleep.
The next morning, I was awakened by the soft chirping of birds. I
smiled realizing I was not at `home'. I was on vacation to
Wilmington, in a tiny hotel room, sleeping on a bed; with Rene. Then to
spoil the tranquility of this moment someone was banging on the door. I
walked to the door, still half asleep.
"Who... the fuck.." I said, opening the door.
It was Laura.
"It's freaking nine AM Jesse... We have to move now!"
"Okay Okay..." I said and banged the door.
When I turned back, I could see my angel still sleeping.
The asshole was sleeping so peacefully. As soon as I saw him, my lethargy
disappeared. His body was spread over the entire bed, his arms wide apart,
as if he was waiting to be hugged. I wanted strip my clothes and jump
right on him, tear open his boxers...our naked bodies rubbing against each
other. Damn these urges.
I rested my elbows on the low bed besides him. I looked at him. I wanted
to gaze at him till eternity. I wanted to kiss him on his cheeks, his
forehead, his stunning abs, his lips...I wanted to kiss him all over.
Jesse! Don't ever touch me in my sleep!
I just watched him, hearing him breath rhythmically. I remembered how
lonely I felt the previous night when I slept "with" him. At that
moment it struck me – maybe he never will be mine. Maybe I might
never get this moment of intimacy with him. I wanted more...
I gradually kneeled on to the bed. He was now in between my knees,
trapped. I was careful not to wake him up. I bowed down, nervous, my hands
trembling. We never really had our first kiss, and now that was about to
change. What the fuck was I doing? Fuck consequence.
I leaned closer to his gorgeous face. Just when my lips were about to
BANG! BANG! BANG!
I had jumped off Rene and fell down on the floor. Ouch! FUCK!
Rene shouted in a dazed voice, "Who is it?"
"It's Laura...are you guys coming or shall we just leave"
"Fuck Laura...what's the hurry...we'll be there..." he said slowly.
"Rene! It's 9!" Laura shouted back.
I was still on the floor. I could hear my damn heart beating so fast. I
closed my eyes and tried to relax, but I couldn't. I was so close to
supreme bliss and suddenly a dreadful beast had appeared from no where and
spoiled it all.
Just then two gigantic feet landed on my stomach.
Rene was startled to find me on the floor. "HEY! What the fuck are you
doing down there?"
"What do you mean nothing?" he demanded.
"I fell down...I guess" I said, confused.
He looked at the bed and said, "But you were sleeping on the other
side...what? You fell and rolled over to this side?"
"No...I...Just leave me here okay..." I said.
"Okay...I'm going to take a shower now..."
I didn't respond. Rene hopped over me after which I heard the bathroom
I took a deep breath. Too deep! I coughed. FUCK!! What the fuck
just happened!!? Damnit Laura! She had her kiss with me, why can't I have
mine with Rene?
A voice inside said – because you cheated you bastard, you tried to
kiss a sleeping stud.
I got up and sat on the bed. My back ached. I didn't know how long I sat
there, thinking absolutely nothing.
I heard the bathroom door open and Rene came out. He was wearing the
skimpiest towel in the world. Something was again stuck in my throat. I
couldn't take this any longer.
"Why the fuck do you do this to me?" I demanded.
"Do what?" he said extracting a pair of jeans from his bag.
"The towel! Couldn't you get a smaller one?" I inquired.
He laughed. "I did you a favor. I wasn't planning on the towel actually... "
"You know how I feel about you, don't you?" I asked.
"Yes and that's why you need to learn..."
"Learn to control your sexual emotions; you can't get aroused every time
you see someone in a towel...I mean a guy if you're sure about your
For the first time in my life I was insulted by being called straight.
"But you are not SOMEONE. Fuck...I love you! Why can't you understand
that? Why do you tease me like this? Why can't I just fucking have you..."
Of course I didn't have the balls to say that.
I just got up and left for the shower. A nice cool shower should relax my
screwed up morning.
Wrightsville Beach – the sun, sand and clear blue water, it was the
perfect place to relax, have fun and check out yummy beach studs.
When we reached El's friend's place, we were absolutely taken aback. It
was perfect! I couldn't believe someone actually lived in such a place.
The house wasn't too big or too small, it was by the sea...fuck, what else
do you need?
"Hey guys...I'm Jason" El's friend introduced himself.
We said Hi. Rene introduced us to Jason. Jason was a typical beach stud,
meaning unbelievably gorgeous, tanned body, perfect body contours –
impossible to resist. For a moment, I thought Rene scowled at me -
catching me checking out Jason. Hey, I was after all just another gay guy
with burgeoning hormones. I winked at Rene. He gave an odd smile back at
"Do you actually live here?" Will asked.
"Actually I come here only during the summers or when I want a break..."
The beach boy was freaking rich.
We unloaded our back packs from the rented car. We brought our back packs
inside. I forgot one small bag of stuff we had purchased at Wilmington, so
I went back to the car.
When I was walking inside the beach house Jason stopped me.
"Do you surf Jesse?"
"Ohhh..maybe I can teach you..."
"Yeah..maybe..." I said before walking inside.
After dumping our bags in the room we changed into swim wear and ran to
the beach. The climate was just perfect for a wonderful day.
The beach wasn't that crowded. The girls settled on the sand and began the
sun cream ritual. Both Rene & Jason were shirtless, but I wasn't
interested. The water was so tempting that I ran towards it.
I ran as fast as I could and jumped into the sea. I could here laughter
from behind. I was embarrassed; I have always been mocked at for running
in a "funny" manner. I call it – style. Let's not talk about it,
OK? We have to accept some of our god-built features that make other
The water was cool and felt just right on this moderate summer day. I
signaled the guys to join me and they were in the water too in no time. We
played and swam around for awhile before venturing out.
I dropped on the sand and started smiling. This vacation had so far failed
to accomplish one thing – relaxation. And that had begun now. The girls
were now comfortable on the beach chairs and boy there were a lot of guys
Just then a ball hit me on my head.
"Hey dickhead...let's play..." Jason said.
We played volley ball with another stud – Kyle – Jason's friend.
The girls were enjoying watching us play and I was having fun too.
It was Rene's turn to serve. The ball was flying towards me, but I
suddenly thought I saw someone in the distance and missed the ball. Jason
was shouting at me, but I kept quiet. This guy was coming towards us. A
shiver ran through my spine as I recognized him.
"Hello guys..." El said.
Rene saw El and gave him a quick hug and peck on his cheek. He wasn't
least bit self conscious in showing affection to El in public.
As for me, my dream vacation had suddenly come to an end.
El had decided to give us a surprise visit. Apparently it wasn't a
surprise for Rene. They had talked on the phone earlier during the day and
Rene knew El was coming over. Rene couldn't do anything about it because
El was already on his way. Their fights were as unpredictable as the sea –
sometimes calm, sometimes violent.
Rene and El sat together during lunch, while Jason sat next to me. I
couldn't help but stare at El and Rene, laughing, smiling – as if
nothing had happened. But still I could see an undercurrent of
indifference in between them, or it was just my wishful thinking. I could
still see the effect of Rene's punch on El's face. His whole face, in
fact, looked pale. Maybe it was the drugs?
Will kicked my foot under the table. I looked at her as she narrowed her
eyes. I knew what she meant. I stopped staring at them.
I suddenly caught Laura checking out Jason. AH HA!
Willow whispered into my ear, "I think we two are the only ones who will
remain single by the end of this day."
"I guess we know now who's taking which room tonight" I whispered back.
"There are two. One for you and one for me!" she giggled.
"My sweet selfish roomie will never change..." I replied.
"So El...what brought you here all of a sudden?" Jason shot.
El looked at Rene and said "Him"
"I'm not kidding El...what really brought you here?"
"I'm not kidding either Jason, so shut up."
Jason apparently didn't.
"So how's it going on between you two?"
El started to speak, "Well..."
"...That wasn't for you dickhead, I was asking Will and Jesse..."
I pondered why El and Jason were pouncing on each other. How I wished it
was a failed romance between them that will hopefully rebuild on this
"Why what's between us?" I asked little perturbed.
"Isn't she your chick?" Jason asked.
"No, I'm gay." I replied.
No we are just roommates...
No we aren't a couple...
No she's just a friend...
No she's not my girl friend and I'm not gay.
"OH..." Jason said.
I couldn't decipher if it what kind of OH that was. A one which
said – what a loser or one which said – Ok, so he's just too
fucking gay. It had to be the former.
Now Jason wanted to pick on Laura.
"So what do you do Laura babe?"
Laura smiled. "I'm doing my major in economics and I also do history with
"How boring" Jason snapped.
"Fuck Jason...why can't you be nice to my friends" El rebuked, before Laura
could give Jason a piece of her mind.
"Ohhhh...sorry guys, if I'm being rude, it's just that I'm very open, I
speak my mind."
I always knew that these unbelievably gorgeous studs came with
unbelievably few brain cells.
Laura seemed disappointed. Apparently her dream boy had turned out to be a
We then ate in merciful silence.
We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the rocks and shoreline of
the beach. I was thankful that conversation was kept on non personal
topics like the beach, weather and George Bush.
When we came back in the evening and we were so tired. We all sat on the
chairs by the garden outside the beach house. The cool sea breeze calmed
us. We could clearly hear the sea waves hitting the shore and the rocks
"You know something guys" Laura quipped.
"Yeah what?" Rene asked.
"We have to go back tomorrow..." she replied.
"Oh fuck...why did you remind me Laura?" Will demanded.
El whispered something into Rene's ear and they both disappeared inside
the house. Creepy Jason followed them inside. Laura followed Jason saying
she was hungry and wanted to get something to eat – what a lame excuse to
be with Jason. Even though Jason had been a complete jerk during lunch, he
was relatively normal during our exploration excursion. And I could see
Laura & Jason conversing from time to time. So I was thankful (or maybe
not) that they had something going on.
Will looked at me, "Come let's go!"
"Where..." I asked.
"To the beach..."
"I'm too tired Will..."
"Jess! There's a beach in the backyard and you're too tired to come with
I grinned and joined her.
We sat on the white sands admiring the sea – which was quickly turning
violent with nightfall. The brightest of stars could now be seen shining
in the sky. Maybe each and every one of them was angels - glued to the sky
for every soul down here on earth. Then why was it so difficult for some
people to find theirs?
"Beautiful isn't it?" she said.
"Thank you for getting me out of my hole and bringing me here Jess..."
"Will, you've thanked me enough..."
"What are you smiling for?"
"Nothing..." she said. She was smiling again.
"SEE! You are smiling again! What's wrong? You can be a little happy, but
you're TOO happy!"
"I think its time to tell you Jess..."
"Tell me what?"
Suddenly I was scared of what she was hiding. What if she says – I love
you Jesse? I didn't want another girl falling in love with me. Or..or..or
what if she says she just realized she's a lesbian. That would suck. I
mean eventually I would accept her, I mean do love her, for whatever...
"Tell me quickly Will, my brain's exploding."
"I'm in love with this guy..."
I heaved a sigh of relief.
Now, I was smiling. "Who's he?"
"It's...You," she said.
My whole face burst like a balloon. "WHAT?" I asked.
She laughed. "I'm kidding...it's this guy at the hospital..."
"Phew...don't scare me like that Will..."
She laughed again. "Sorry, couldn't help myself..."
"So is he a doc or something?"
"He's like me, an intern," she paused as if waiting for my approval.
"Go on!" I said irritably.
"He's a year ahead of me...we undergo training under the same neurologist..."
I was moving on to the "test your friendship" questions.
"How long has this been going on...?"
"A few weeks..."
"Ehem...twelve weeks, seven days...", she looked at her watch, "seven hours
and six minutes"
"Holy shit...you've liked someone for that long and you didn't tell me?"
She seemed trifle perturbed by my questions. Maybe she was too busy flying
with wings of love, that she didn't have the time to tell me.
"That's my problem Jesse...I don't know if I really like him, I mean he's
sweet and stuff, but we are just friends. I never saw him like that and
this trip..." she paused.
"This trip actually gave me the time to think! It made me realize that I
had to plan my moves and make them now – or I might end up a being a sixty
year old spinster with tubes running into my body..."
"Do you have to include medicine in every single sentence you speak?"
"I'm sorry, but I...I think I love him..."
"I can't believe my Will is in love again...you should tell him that you
love him then!"
"Yes...as soon as we return" she said slowly. I looked at her uncertain
"You are scared aren't you?"
"Scared like SHIT!"
"Well think of it this way; if you don't do it now, some day you might
meet someone better - a really handsome guy. You marry him and live
happily for a year. After which you make three children, he puts on a
couple of pounds, becomes restless...starts fiddling with other women and..."
"Okay stop, but what if Leon does all that? What if he changes too?"
"No he won't.."
"Because when you love someone, you know. And even if they change, you
will always there to kick their ass back on the right path."
"I'm going to tell him alright"
"And I'm sure Leon will say yes, I mean it's you!"
"Yes, it's ME!"
We sat there in silence listening to the waves, the cool sea wind
caressing our skin.
Was time really a factor in determining the depth of your friendship? In
Will's and my case, it definitely didn't matter. We were eons apart in the
beginning, had a rocky start but we ended up understanding each other like
no one else did. Maybe the loneliness of our hearts brought us together. I
had lost Andy and Will had lost her ex-gay-bf.
"So how are things with Rene?" my friend inquired.
"What do you mean – how are things? Things are the way they are. I don't
think they will ever change..."
"Ohhh...come on, I think Rene likes you."
"And why do you think that?"
"I mean he cares for you and it shows on his face...I just know," she said.
"What difference does it make, when he is in love with someone else?"
"Jess, Love works in strange ways"
"Ah...Yes...that I know...strange ways to break your heart too..."
The rooms weren't taken as we predicted. The madly in love couple –
Rene and El – of course took one room. The confirmed non lesbians – Willow
and Laura – took the other.
Jason slept in his room, while I slept in the hall. I actually liked it
because the hall was spacious. One side of the hall had an open glass view
of the picturesque sea. It was perfect and much cooler than the rest of
the rooms. The wood used in this room was kinda strange; it made thumping
sounds when I walked on it. Thump – Thump – Thump. I simply loved it. The
only tiny little detail I didn't like about this room was – I was all
I curled into a ball on the extended sofa and tried to sleep. Even though
El had turned up, the vacation wasn't ruined. I mean, I still got to spend
time with Rene. I couldn't imagine myself back at home. Will wasn't the
only one who needed this break.
Just when I was about to go into the mystical lands of sleep I heard the
familiar sound of someone walking on the wooden floor.
Thump – Thump – Thump.
I ignored it, but there it was again.
Thump – Thump – Thump.
I opened my eyes and was surprised.
"You...?" I whispered.
"Yes me," he said.
He stared at me for awhile. I suddenly felt naked by his cold stares. What
was he doing here?
"Don't think," he whispered.
He leaned on me. I crouched back.
"Relax..." he said, as he caressed my face with his hands.
That did relax me.
Before I knew it, he was kissing me. And I was kissing him back. His lips
were so soft. It was just a simple kiss, with no tongue, but I could
hardly bear the rush of the feeling that went through me. I could feel his
hands running down my blanket reaching for my t-shirt, which I could no
longer feel on my skin. I was now able to close my eyes only to see an
amalgamation of colors painted by the crafty tools of pleasure. His hands
moved up my body as if they were searching for something. He finally found
them, my nipple – he pressed it hard that I shuddered with unjustifiable
delight. He was still kissing me. And I was still kissing him back. We
And then we did when he suddenly grabbed hold of my now semi hard dick. I
released his lips and opened my mouth with ecstasy. I opened my eyes as I
looked into his clear blue eyes. Unfortunately everything else wasn't so
I gently pushed him away from me and stood up. He looked at me with a
dismal face. My body ached to jump back and spend the rest of the night
with him, but something stopped me.
"I'm sorry" I cried, without turning back and left.
To be continued...
Thanks to my editor - Dave.
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