That night we talked until early morning and then fell asleep together.
Sleep in the literal sense. We talked about our lives, the crazy people in
it, our feelings, our fears, our favorite movie hunks...we simply talked.
I woke up late next morning with Rene by my side. I never felt so secure
in my life, so loved...so happy. I knew Rene had his flaws. I knew Rene had
made mistakes. I knew there was a chance that Rene might get back with El.
But that morning when I woke up, I didn't care. I didn't worry about our
future because he was there by my side. And I knew I would remember that
moment for years.
I had to leave. I had an exam that afternoon! Even though
I felt like sleeping there cuddling with Rene forever – I had to leave!
I tried to get up, only to disturb Rene's sleep. He mumbled something and
his right eye opened a little.
I said "Hi," my voice still groggy and my throat dry from talking all
He didn't respond. I realized he was still sleeping – with one eye open!
He looked awfully strange I thought. I smiled at my cute boyfriend. I
gently closed his eyes and then kissed them.
As I sat there, I looked around Rene's room for awhile. I wondered how he
managed to keep it so clean. Maybe it was the butler. Finally I got up and
started to leave when something stopped me.
Rene had grabbed hold of my khakis. "Don't go..."
"But I've got to study..."
"Don't be a nerd! Stay!"
"Tsk...let go," I said and pulled away.
I left Rene's room. As I walked downstairs, I heard someone. It was Laura.
She was in the kitchen.
"Ahhh...look who's up!" she said.
"So is this how it's going to be from now on?"
"What do you mean?"
I didn't like her tone.
"You gonna spend every night with my bro?"
"Whatever Jess...I really don't care okay," she said and walked to her room.
What the fuck was wrong with her?
I walked behind her. She had locked the door to her room.
I shouted, "Laura...Open the god damn door!"
Surprisingly she opened it immediately.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked.
"Let me come in," I said and pushed her aside.
"Hey...I don't want you in my room!"
"Since when did I become a stranger?"
"Since the time you started going out with Rene..." she said bleakly.
I kept quiet.
"You know we've got exams now...you know I've been busy..."
"You've been too busy, Jess..."
After a pause I said, "I know...I'm sorry. Let me make it up for you. Let's
study together today..."
"I don't know..."
"Come on! It will be fun!"
She smiled to my relief.
"Okay! Okay! I give in!"
"Good...let me just freshen up and make a call to Will."
"You go baby!"
I ran up to Rene's room. I so badly wanted to see him again. He was still
sleeping like a baby.
I kneeled on the floor besides his bed and gawked at him. It all felt
surreal. I touched him to make sure he was real. He was real alright – all
I was startled when he suddenly opened his eyes a little.
"Am I dreaming...?" he asked.
"You might be," I said.
"Ohhhh, El, I love you...I really love you," he said. Unfortunately he
couldn't control his laughter. I jumped on him and started hitting him all
He grabbed me and we kissed shortly.
"What you still doing here? I thought Mr. Nerd had to study?"
"I'm studying with your darling sis today..."
"Ah-ha," he said grabbing my butt, "So you get to be here the whole day...?"
"Yes...but I'm going to be...kiss...to be...kiss...with Laura...kiss...so I'm
I kissed him for one last time before drawing myself away from his
Before leaving he shouted, "Hey..."
"Yeah..." I said turning back.
"I love ya," he said with a naughty grin.
"Yeah-yeah, I know," I said and closed the door.
I quickly made a call to Will and told her I what I planned to do. She
told me she had a date with Leon the previous night and really enjoyed
herself. I reminded her that she had to study, which she apparently didn't
take so well.
I ran down to the kitchen again.
Laura was there drinking coffee.
As if she sensed my hunger, she said, "There's cereal on the top shelf."
I looked inside the mahogany cabinet.
"You really can't be without him for one moment can you?"
"Rene...you just went to see him, didn't you?"
"What! How did you know?"
"Your zipper is w-i-d-e open" she said and laughed.
I looked down. "Shit!" I quickly pulled the zipper UP.
"Fuck you Rene" I shouted, as if Rene would hear it.
Laura laughed again.
"Well at least you're laughing, gal..."
"You really do love him don't you?" she asked skeptically.
"I guess so" I said as if I just realized it myself.
Studying with Laura was a disaster. No, we did study, but we didn't get
time off to talk about our lives and crap. She didn't complain, well, at
least not until we were on our way to the university.
"I think I'm going to forget everything," Laura whined.
"Yes. I know I'm going to..."
"You're right, I was kidding. You're going to forget everything!"
"So tell me..."
"You know...about the confusion in your life, the uncertainties...the
"Jess SHUTUP! Thank God I don't have any of that now..."
"So... you're happy, right?"
"I'm happy," she said smiling. "Although I don't know exactly why..."
"You don't need to!"
Laura looked away for awhile lost, in her thoughts. Suddenly she turned
toward me and asked, "So how are things with Rene?"
"Oh fine...fine...I have no clue how it's going... so fine, ha!"
"How did you take it when you found out..."
"You mean his drug addiction...?"
"Hmm...pretty bad! But it all got sorted out so quickly...it's magic."
"Not fair! I want to be in love too!"
"You will and it will happen when you least expect it."
"That's crap, you expected things to go right with Rene, didn't you?"
"Haha...yeah in a way, I hoped! But then, who cares – I'm in love!"
"Well, lover boy we're here. Get ready to rake your brains now."
When I came back home, Willow was all over me telling me about her date
with long haired hunk Leon. They spent all night in the hospital with each
other. Not the most romantic place, but when you have each other nothing
My world was full of love.
I was reading a book when Will came in.
"There's someone at the door who wants to see you Jess..."
Could it be Rene? How sweet of him to surprise me at home!
"I think you better see for yourself."
The main door was ajar.
When I opened it my heart froze. I stepped back. It was El.
"Hi," he said.
"H-I" I said checking if I could quickly bang the door and lock it.
He just stood there like a mountain. He was huge. I don't know what Rene
saw in him. He did have a charm in him – but he was huge, damnit!
I wanted to get rid of him as quickly as possible. "Do you want to come
"No...can we go out and talk?"
"Yeah...sure. Let me get my jacket," I said.
Suddenly, I wondered – what if he had brought guys to bash me up. I felt
numb all over. I still went, thinking this is all going to end tonight. El
is never going to trouble us (me at least) again.
We walked on the street for awhile. He was still silent. I couldn't take
"So what do you want to talk?" I asked.
"I'm sorry about the other day...I shouldn't have hit you like that..."
"It's okay...I know what you must be going through..."
What was I saying? He hit me! I didn't care what the fuck he was going
"Did I break anything?"
"No..." Not yet.
"You know the first time I saw you, I never imagined you and Rene... It all
happened so fast that I didn't get a chance..."
I kept quiet. I didn't quite know what to say.
He continued, "I'm a difficult person Jess. I've troubled Rene so much
that I sometimes fail to understand why he stuck with me for so long..."
"Because he loved you, El."
"No Jess...it has to be more than love, something more powerful than love.
When you're in love, you want to be together. But with Rene and me, it
wasn't like that. We were just too close and too damn protective of each
I was getting restless.
"What are you getting at?" I asked.
Even though I was trying to be sympathetic, it wasn't working; after all,
I was dating his ex-boyfriend!
"I need Rene, Jess," he said.
It was as simple as that. He had shot me at point blank range.
"I need him, too!"
He shrugged. "Over the years, I've realized that Rene and I can't be
together. And then, all of a sudden we're all over each other again...and I
"What?" I asked impatient.
"I don't want you to get hurt Jess. How long have you known Rene? Six
months? Seven? I've known him for years...and I know he will eventually
come back to me."
I felt sad for him.
"El...I've known Rene for six months and seven days. You've known him for
years. But I know one thing – he's not coming back to you this time."
He stood there quietly. Suddenly he came forward and hugged me.
He whispered into my ear, "Oh yes he will...he always does. Until then, take
care of him..."
He turned and left.
I stood there alone for some time, thinking...thinking that I'm going to get
a very bad headache.