give me my angel
For those of you who aren’t SMS frenzy,
here is a list of short forms I’ve used in this chapter:
"El...I've known Rene for
six months and seven days. You've known him for years. But I know one
thing -- he's not coming back to you this time."
I reached home from the university. It was a long last day before we closed for summer. I was planning to intern at two corporate houses in the next two months, researching on their business strategies. I was glad to get rid of political science forever.
Will was missing so I went to my room and crashed on the couch. My cell phone beeped. It was a message from Rene.
If u ever thnk of me out of da blue
I smiled and replied back.
All I thnk about is u
Rene – my boyfriend. My life had changed so dramatically that it all seemed untrue. I felt as though it was happening to someone else and I was just a spectator. But it was happening to good old me. I was getting my share of happiness and I wanted to make sure I got every ounce of it.
I wasn’t sure of going out with Rene tonight. Instead I felt like cuddling up with him under the covers. I replied.
Tired. Nt Sure. WUWH too.
I got back a message almost immediately.
U r cuming. EOD.
End of discussion; it sure was. Will knocked and peeked in.
“Hey where have you been?” I asked.
“Hospital,” she replied blankly.
“No…I was alone today…”
Something was troubling Will. You didn’t have to be good at reading faces; Will made it that obvious.
“What’s the matter? Come sit with me…” I said
“No Jess…I got to go study. Yours exams are over, mine aren’t.”
“Okay…you know I’m here if you want me…”
“I know…” she said and left.
I thought of the downsides to love as I got ready. I couldn’t really think of anything. Yes, there were fears in the form of El, fears of losing Rene, fears of everything falling apart – but they were all just fears. I suddenly had such an overflow of energy in me that I felt like I could face anything.
As I was getting ready to leave, I noticed Will was sitting in the living with a corny look on her face.
“Don’t you have to study?” I asked her.
“Yeah…in a minute…”
I opened the door when Will called out again.
“I’m going to meet Rene…can we do this when I come back?”
You know I’m here if you want me…
“Sure…you go…it isn’t important…”
As I closed the door a wave of guilt hit me.
I went back in and sat in front of her.
“It’s Leon” she said.
“I figured that…now tell me what the problem is?”
“It’s not a problem really…it’s just…I don’t think he’s serious anymore”
“Yeah…I mean I feel like just one of his girlfriends in the line…”
“In the line? Are you crazy?”
“He has had four serious GFs Jess…”
“So does that mean it won’t work out with you? And how do you know those relationships were serious?”
“I think I’m falling in love with him Jess…and I think he is beginning to sense that…he is distancing himself from me.”
“Have you talked to him about any of the following: marriage, children, future?”
“I might have…I don’t know…”
“Will do you know that men tremble when they sense commitment? You can’t make them commit until they reach this emotional age. You have to give Leon time…”
“What are you saying?”
“All I’m saying is, don’t scare him away! Just have fun with him. Don’t think seriously about the future and stuff…it doesn’t always help! One day he will give you everything you’ve ever dreamt of.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“If he is the one for you, it will happen.”
“Okay I will call him and tell him I’m sorry.”
“Nope…all you do now is wait. Wait for him to come around and let him call you.”
“But what if he doesn’t?”
“Hmmm…he will. They always do, at least to officially call it off…”
“Call it off? But I don’t want that!”
“He won’t! Just relax…”
“What will I do without you?”
“Come on, you would have figured it out yourself in like two years time!”
“Haha…now get out and have your gay night!”
“I’m outta here”
It was one scary word. Ever since I found love in Rene I never really wanted to think about that scary little thing. What was our future? Where were we really heading? I had no clue. I guess I was like all the other men too.
When I reached Laur…Rene’s home he was ready for me, waiting outside. When he saw me, he gave me a quick hug. Rene was looking outrageously stunning in his deep blue low-rise jeans and sleeveless gray shirt. His low-rise was revealing to me extraordinarily bright red underwear.
“I need glasses to block rays that are reflected by that thing you’re wearing…” I mocked, pulling his jeans a little lower, if that was possible.
“Shut up…this was all that I could find…”
He pulled me by my shirt while I was laughing.
It was a chilly evening but the sky was clear. The stars were out and I enjoyed the short ride while Rene drove us to Purple Parrot.
Purple Parrot was a niche gay club. Although it didn’t really seem like your usual club, its oddity was down played with not-so-loud music playing in the background, dim cozy lighting and cute guys dancing everywhere.
I whispered into Rene’s ear, “I love this place!”
I then for no reason whatsoever bit his ear.
Rene looked at me strangely as he was obviously not used to such actions from his boyfriend. He smiled gently.
Purple Parrot wasn’t so romantic, cozy and perfect the moment I lay my eyes on him. He was walking toward us with that stupid smile.
“Hello!” El said.
“Hey…look who’s here!” Rene said.
“Hey Jesse”, El said looking at me as if nothing had happened.
“Kyle!” El called out, looking away from us.
A cute guy looked towards El and waved.
“Come on let me introduce you to Kyle!” he said.
The music was getting louder now.
We walked behind El. I poked Rene and whispered to him, “Why the fuck is he here?”
“I didn’t know he was going to be here…he’s here always!”
I guess this was originally the Rene-El hangout. I felt queasy.
“Get rid of him!” I commanded.
“You can’t get rid of some people…they’re just there! Cheer up, I promise we will have fun okay…?”
“Okay…” I said sullenly.
El had his huge arms around little Kyle who was smiling at us. Kyle was as tall as me but hell; anyone is little when they stand next to El.
El introduced us to Kyle. Little Kyle said Hi to us and smiled again.
“Come on guys let’s go dance!” El said.
We danced for awhile. I couldn’t enjoy anything with El around every moment.
I looked at Rene and he seemed genuinely bored. He looked at me and whispered once again, “Let’s go!”
We climbed up a weird staircase with creaking wooden steps to the first floor. The first floor was a bit brighter and had warm colors on the walls. There was hardly anyone out here because there was simply NO music! I saw a board in the corner – Under Construction. We could just hear the loud beats and faint music from the ground floor.
“Now shall we dance?” Rene asked me.
“I feel stupid dancing to no music!”
“Can’t you hear the beats? Can’t you see me?”
“Yes…yes I can.”
“Then shut up and dance.”
So we danced to the melodious silence.
Once we started dancing I closed my eyes and tried to hear the music but all I could hear were dumb beats. I opened my eyes and saw Rene. He was already in his dreamland. I closed my eyes and tried once more.
Rene was right. I could suddenly hear the music in my mind. I could feel his body close to mine. I pressed myself closer to him and lay my head on his shoulders. His aroma was tantalizing me.
I slowly slid my hands down behind Rene’s back into his low rise jeans. I was holding his ass in my hands and every second saw my hands sinking deeper and deeper. I gently motioned Rene toward my body and we were one system. Our system was now gyrating to and fro.
Rene was saying something I couldn’t hear….public….Jess….woah…
I couldn’t understand him because I didn’t want to.
Suddenly I felt a light slap on my cheeks! Rene was looking at me anxiously.
“I said STOP! You’re giving me a hard on!”
I laughed. “I’m sorry…you want to drink something?”
“You go ahead…I don’t feel like drinking…”
“You gonna get off?” I mocked him.
“Shut up and go.”
“Okay”, I said between laughter as I walked away.
There was a mini bar attached to the first floor with a bartender who looked doped. I sat on a chair and ordered a beer.
I looked around and found a pathway leading to a verandah. It was a moonless night and the stars shone brightly. I took my drink and walked to the verandah. I opened the wooden door and felt the cool breeze on my face. I stood there some time looking at the crowd dancing. There were suddenly so many people that they were now everywhere on the lawn.
I almost dropped the glass in my hand when I saw them dancing. They seemed like a real couple. No one could say that they were ex-lovers who had gone through a bad split.
If that was the low point of the night it got worse when Rene saw me. He didn’t react; he just smiled and waved at me. For some reason God had mercy on me; El hadn’t seen me.
There were two chairs and I fell on one of them after I got tired of seeing them dance away to glory. I enjoyed my drink and started gazing at the stars.
I didn’t know how much time had passed when Rene came back.
He came and sat next to me. He had bought himself a drink – probably in anticipation of my grueling.
“Want to dance?” he asked.
“No…” I said.
“Want another drink?”
“Ohh…just give it to me,” Rene said.
“You saw me dancing with El, just give it to me…”
“Nah…I don’t mind…”
Rene was grinning. “So you telling me that you’re okay with this shit?”
I stood up. “You can’t get rid of some people…they’re just there”
After a moment Rene stood next to me as we looked out at the beautiful night.
“Jess…Are you giving me that sarcastic shit?”
I looked at Rene, “I know the stuff that happened between you and El. I know it’s not easy. So no, I don’t think its sarcasm.”
“You know something?”
“Right now my body is freezing; this glass is leaking, my pants keep dropping, the plank I’m standing on is squeaking…the only thing perfect in my life is you!”
I was touched.
“That…that…” I kissed him.
We dropped the glasses into the lawn below. Someone
shouted below, but we didn’t care.
“Maybe you should just leave them down Rene…” I said.
“I’m not a club stripper…”
“Haha…Your underwear is perfect for a strip act!”
We moved the chairs away and settled on the floor which was now squeaking badly.
“I hope this doesn’t give way!” I said.
“Maybe we should jump and test it first…”
“Shut up. Just lie next to me quietly now…”
So we lay there next to each other watching the skies.
Suddenly I remembered that darn word. I had to talk to Rene about it. That word was poisoning me.
“Yeah…” he said, dazed.
“Have you though about…you know…”
Shit! I couldn’t even bring myself to say that darn word.
“You know…the f-uture…”
“Nah…not really” he quipped.
“Do you like to think about it now?”
“Even a little bit?”
“Nah…why do you?”
“No…I mean now I’ve started to think about it and I’m pretty confused…”
“That’s why I don’t think about it Jess. I’m not a dreamer. When you dream you’ve this stupid hope for the future and shit…when you really can’t even say what’s going to happen when you wake up tomorrow…”
“But you need something to live for…”
“I have today to live for. I live for the present and don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. No one knows really, they just hope extraordinary things happen to them.”
“What’s with this future and stuff anyway?” he asked.
“Ahh…nothing, just wanted to know if you had any plan brewing in your head…”
“Yes I do.”
“To take you with me…”
I smiled. “I didn’t mean for tonight…”
“I didn’t either…”
“You know something…my mom’s visiting in a few days”
I didn’t know how to respond.
“It’s been I think almost a year since she visited us…”
“Are you excited to meet her again?”
“Depends on whether she is still the same person! Haha…”
“Does she know…you know…you’re gay?”
“Of course. She knows El too and she loves El.”
Everybody loves El.
“Ohhh…I can’t wait to meet her!”
I was planning to do everything I could to avoid meeting Rene’s mom.
“You most certainly will boyfriend! Now let’s go back, it’s almost two…”
El and Kyle were missing so we just left without saying goodbye. El was obviously screwing Kyle somewhere. When we reached Rene’s room we just crashed on the bed, tired.
Rene took a deep breath and said, “So we’re here, you and me, in one room, we’ve got let’s see about four hours till the sun is out…do you want to?”
“Me neither. Good night then.”
Although I craved to attack his body, we didn’t have the stamina or the mood to DO IT. I closed my eyes and was immediately asleep.
I heard someone call out my name. I opened my eyes slowly.
“Jess…Are you awake? Listen, I’ve got to run, El will take care of everything…I will be back soon…”
“Goodbye” he said. He kissed me and left.
El was standing at the door grinning at me. I sat on the bed and was wide awake now. I looked at El.
“I want to poke those small eyes out of that pretty boy face of yours,” he said.
I got up and walked towards the hallway. I heard voices.
“Who’s here?” I asked El.
“Go down…meet Rene’s mom, I’m sure she will be happy to see you”
I walked down the stairs and saw a woman’s back. She was talking to Laura. Laura strangely wasn’t looking at me.
The woman’s face was now coming to light.
My heart froze and I felt dizzy. It was my mom!
“Wake up you idiot!” I heard Rene exclaim.
“Hehe…I got bored sitting here and watching you. Why are you sweating?”
“I just had a bad dream…”
“Ohh…tell me about it.”
“You don’t want to know, trust me.”
“Okay…now that you are up, Good morning!”
“Ya…ya…what time is it?”
“It’s 8 AM…”
“Rene…that’s fucking early, I want to go to sleep again…”
“Really?” he said with a sexy overtone.
“Nooo…you can’t be serious…it’s 8 AM…”
“Anytime is okay for me baby”, Rene said making faces at me.
I stood up and walked toward the bath. “Let me go freshen up…”
I was out in no time and Rene was waiting for me, sitting beside the bed on the floor.
I bent down in an attempt to kiss him. He pulled me towards him. We fell on the floor, with me on top of him. Kissing each other as if we have never kissed before, we quickly undressed each other. Butt naked we started fondling each other and in Rene’s room we orchestrated our innermost emotions for the second time.
The difference this time was there was no stopping. We went all the way. There were no hesitations. No doubts. No second thoughts.
Just plain human pleasure.
To be continued...
Purple Parrot is a real bar in Delaware, United States. The description of the bar in this chapter is fictitious.
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