Give My My Angel
Author's Note: OK OK. I know I haven't posted for like over four months! Lets not get into the reasons...the story's back! BTW I need an editor, if you're interested and you're good email me!
Almost a month had passed since Laura talked to me. She never called back, avoided eye contact and pretended I didn't exist. I felt stupid for coming out to her. Maybe I should have never told her...now I can't tell anyone EVER. The way Laura reacted will always haunt me.
I finally decided to see her today. For a second, the stupidity of what I was about to do ran through my mind, but she was my friend and I missed her.
I was standing outside her room. I knocked on the door.
I opened the door.
"Jesse...what are you doing here?"
She was strangely not as surprised as I thought she would be.
"I want to talk to you," I said.
"I don't want to see you Jesse...never...please go!" she begged.
"Laura...don't be hasty...let's talk it ou.."
"Hasty? Jesse I trusted you...you...are just like the rest of them..."
For a moment we just looked at each other. I couldn't say anything to make her feel better.
I had no choice. I turned back and started to leave. I shouldn't have ever told her...maybe I shouldn't have let myself get close to her...
"Wait..." she said.
I turned back.
She stood up and walked towards me. I looked at her watery eyes. A tear flowed down her pale cheeks.
"I'm sorry Laura...I don't know what else ..."
She hugged me. I could hear her cry softly.
"I'm sorry Jesse...Oh...I missed talking to you...I'm afraid..."
She withdrew herself and looked into me eyes.
"I'm afraid I was falling in love with you"
FUCK! What have I done?
"Shutup...just listen to me...this isn't easy"
I stopped myself from speaking further.
"I know you can't love me the way I want you to...but promise me you will always be my friend."
"Of course...I'll always be your friend...Why do you think I'm here?" I said. I took her hand in mine.
"I know...just that when you told me...when you told me...I was...I didn't know how to react..."
"I know...it was foolish to break it to you like that..."
We stood in silence for some time until Laura finally spoke, "Gosh I'm so pathetic"
I grinned at her. "It's ok...we all are at times..."
We sat down on the couch. Laura still held my hand.
Laura then looked at me weirdly and said, "What would you do if I kissed you right now?"
I smiled at her. "You keep kissing me so often that I'm getting used to it!"
"Hahaha...So tell me about your boy friend!" she said.
"Yeah right...and pigs fly" I grinned.
"I know so many guys, maybe I can fix one for you!" she said with a glow in her eyes.
"Yeah...just make sure they aren't straight!"
"Is that a problem? What if the guy's cute but straight?"
"I guess we all need to make compromises in life!"
"Let's go tell Rene we've made up..." she said.
RENE - The magic word.
Rene was busy studying. He was sitting comfortably on the Rene Chair with one leg ideally placed on top of his desk. He was wearing glasses and "studying".
He gave a broad smile seeing us come in. He knew we had made up seeing us together.
"So what happened to the mysterious fight between you two?" Rene said.
Laura had kept the details of our fight (the fact that I was gay) a secret.
"Good friends need a good fight once in a while" Laura quipped. I grinned at her remark.
"So how you doing dude..." Rene said punching my chest.
After recoiling back I replied, "Cool."
"Ok guys I've to make a call...I'll be right back" said Laura.
Laura left us and silence filled the room.
"So what are you reading?" I asked at last.
"Just some stuff...I have an exam next week"
"So how are things going on?" It was so difficult to talk with him all of a sudden.
I'm MISERABLE. "I'm fine..."
"Actually things are a little tense right now..." he said.
"What's the matter?"
"Rene! Tell me!"
"No...It's personal stuff...you better scoot now, I hafta study"
Personal stuff. Since when did I become a stranger that he couldn't tell me his personal stuff? I helped his sister and now he wanted to shoo me away?
Laura was back.
"Sorry guys had to make a call...so what did I miss?"
"Don't worry you didn't miss A THING" I said with a sarcastic tone.
The phone was ringing again...
"There it goes again...ringing...ringing till all hell breaks loose..." Laura said.
Shrugging, she closed the door and left. I could hear her climb down the stairs.
Suddenly the sound of her foot steps stopped and she shouted, "Oh Jesse you can ask Rene to help you find a hot guy for you!"
I was looking at Rene all this time and instantaneously my eyes moved away from him. I was now looking at his shoes. Don't ask me why. I didn't know where to look, what to do or what to say. I wanted to run behind those curtains and cover my red face.
Rene had suddenly dropped his book on his lap. His face was still fixed as if he were still reading the book.
What was going through his mind? What if he punches me or kicks me? What the fuck was Laura thinking? How could she? Why did she? FUCK!
All my life I couldn't think of a moment where I was so tense, so afraid, so helpless... This was it! This was the end of JESSE!
Rene had a smirk on his face now. He was smiling. His eyeballs started moving again. The fucking gay guy knew that this guy was gay. He had got the message. The cat was out of the bag! SHIT!
He stopped smiling. He turned towards me and saw my frozen white face. SHIT he was looking at me! He started laughing loudly! Was this a joke for him? Do I look like a fool? I certainly didn't expect him to laugh.
Rene was now walking towards me...with a mischievous look on his face. I had already gone two steps back, but it was too late. He put his huge arm around my shoulders and walked me towards the bed. We sat.
"All this time...all this fucking time...you didn't tell me..." he said with a contemptuous tone. How I loved that voice.
My voice was stuck. Even if I could speak, what the fuck will I say?
He continued, "You're such an ASSHOLE!"
I looked at him with bewilderment. I was a bit scared, a bit excited a bit of every fucking emotion I've ever felt in my life.
He was laughing again.
That's it. Laura had recovered from her nymphomania, whilst Rene had gone mad.
He recovered from his mad fit of laughter and looked into my eyes. Suddenly I could see him engulfed with pain...or was I just hallucinating?
He placed his left hand on my thigh and drew his face closer to mine.
"Such a sweet little asshole..." he said softly.
He rubbed his cheeks against mine. They felt warm and soft like fresh laundry. His aroma was intoxicating. For a moment I closed my eyes not being able to bear the influx of nerve signals my sense organs were receiving.
He hugged me. I curled my hands around him and never ever wanted to uncurl. I couldn't bear my body's separation from this moment, let alone my soul.
I didn't know how long it was before we let physical separation come in between us. He blinked at me and gave that naughty smile of his again. I wanted to take him and keep him all for myself.
We could hear footsteps coming towards the room.
Suddenly Rene's expression changed from euphoria to confusion. His hands no longer touched my body, but his eyes pierced into my soul.
It was too much for poor old me. I didn't want to let go. I marched forward courageously. I was begging for the kiss with my angel. But my angel had left. With every ticking second I hopelessly kept losing the moment. It was gone...never to come back again. The magic was over. Welcome back to earth again Jesse!
Laura opened the door and I looked straight at her. I couldn't help but snare at her. I felt as if I was suddenly woken up from a wonderful dream.
"What were you...on a hotline or something?" Rene quipped. Obviously his voice was all choked up from our intense moment, which by the way was GONE.
"Shutup..." Laura said.
The girl had missed the moment of my life.
She looked at me. "Jesse, am going to Professor Foster's class...come with me..."
"We need to do some guy talk...Jesse will come later" Rene said sternly.
"OK OK!" Laura said and left.
We were alone again. Rene and Jesse in ONE room...and now Rene knew...he knew everything...I felt naked.
Rene took his book and started reading again, as if nothing had happened. What the fuck!
I sat near him and took the book from his hand. I leaned over his muscular body. I drew my lips closer to his face.
He suddenly whispered, "Jesse"
"Jesse..." he said again.
I leaned back.
"What is it?" I asked him concerned.
"You need to go..."
"You have to leave...now"
"Are you kidding me? Did you drive Laura away so that you can personally shoo me away?"
"What the fuck do you think you're doing with me?"
"No I've had enough...I'm leaving."
I got up and started for the door.
"JESSE", Rene shouted, "God damn it, I've... I've...a fucking boy friend"
I stood there for a moment, picking up the broken pieces of my heart before closing the door to the room where I had once met my angel.
To be continued...
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