Give My My Angel
Author's Note: Well another short installment for you guys.[at least this one didn't take four months] Thanks to all those who wrote in, I do try to reply if you've written anything special ;)
"So what if he has a boyfriend?" Willow asked me.
"How do you do it?" I asked.
"Twist every fucking thing to make it look positive..."
"It's easy...it's called living."
"Yeah...right...I should be recording this and play it back to you when you come cribbing to me about your life..."
"I nev...I rarely do that anymore..." she said, "Anyway, don't make this about me...this is about you...this is about Rene having a boyfriend ..."
"Don't keep saying that...it doesn't make me feel good"
"Jesse there's nothing to be sorry about...don't lose hope..."
"Hope? What fucking hope? He has a god damn boyfriend ...don't you get it? He told me that before he kicked me out of his house...and you talk about HOPE?"
"Just shut that fucking mouth of yours...you have a found a fucking guy you actually love and now you're giving him up just because he's involved with someone else?"
Willow took a deep breath before she continued again.
"You've found your angel Jesse...you've found him. You have something that
so many don't. Don't you get..." she said. She was too choked to speak
Willow was right. I had my angel. I remembered those sleepless nights I'd think about Andy and pray desperately for someone...someone I can love and care for. Now when I've someone I know I love, why shouldn't I be happy?
I wondered, is this love after all? I mean, how well do I know Rene? Was it just an infatuation? Lust? Craving? A Sexual Desire? OH! I need to stop analyzing. It just spoils the fun. I stopped thinking about why I needed Rene...but I couldn't stop thinking of Rene himself. I was slipping into the fertile lands of my dreams where I could see him, touch him and hug him.
The next day Laura called up and asked if I would like to see Lord of the Rings with her. I hadn't seen the first or the second part of the trilogy and was unsure about seeing the third. Laura said it didn't matter anyway, so I agreed.
We were half way through the movie and I was totally lost. My mind was again thinking about Rene. I looked at Laura. She was watching the movie with her eyes wide open. She looked as if she was very interested in the movie.
She caught me looking at her and whispered, "What? You don't like it, do you?"
"My pink bra!! The movie, you dumbass, what else?"
"Ohh...the movie...well...I'm a bit preoccupied right now..."
"Why? What's the matter?"
"I'm in love..." I said.
"We've been there before and you know that's not feasible anymore Jesse..."
"Not with you!" I said and stared at her. "With your freaking brother."
"Oh okay..." she said softly.
"Okay? Okay? That's it?"
"What did you expect me to do...run out of the theatre shouting?"
"Well no...but I did expect you...to maybe be a little SHOCKED!"
"Oh...come on Jesse. The whole freaking world knows..."
"What? You knew it?" I said raising my voice.
An old man threw popcorn on my head and shouted "Shut the fuck up or GET OUT!"
I kept quiet and Laura was again absorbed in the movie. I could hardly contain myself in my seat. I wiggled around. The darkness made things worse. I tried to watch the movie, but I was too anxious. How did Laura know? What did she know? Who else knew?
Finally the movie was over. I turned to Laura and asked her, "Okay now tell me...how you knew?"
She gave a weird laugh, "Oh I'm a chick. And a chick knows everything."
"Argg...TELL ME! Did you see Rene kiss me that day?"
"Oh! You guys kissed, too?"
"I mean we didn't...it was something else..."
"Oh MY!" she said raising her eyebrows.
"That's not what I meant. JUST TELL ME...how did you know?"
"Come on Jesse...it's so obvious. I know you and you are not...well yourself around him."
"Yes sweetheart...love does crazy things to people..."
"Love? ... How do you know its love?"
"I don't know about that..."
"So now what?"
"Now we leave the theatre, unless you want to watch the movie once more?"
We were walking towards Laura's home with Chinese food.
"So...do you really really like him...or?" asked Laura.
"This must be fun for you..."
"Ha-ha, you have NO idea!"
"Yes...I really like him but..."
"He has a boy friend..." she said.
"Yea..." I said.
"He is a little weird..."
"No Elliot...his boy friend."
"No...I mean...I have met him only once and that was only for a very short while...so it won't be fair if I comment on him...and I shouldn't anyway."
"It's ok..." I'll figure him out myself.
"Anyway, if you want to meet him, ask Rene...he's home," she said and turned the main door knob.
The thought of meeting Rene's boyfriend sent a shiver down my spine. I don't want Rene to have a boyfriend who wasn't ... who wasn't ME!
Rene opened the door. He greeted me (us) with a broad smile. He was wearing a brown tee shirt on top of a white long sleeved tee shirt and dark blue jeans. Yum.
He looked at the cartons in my hand. "C-h-i-n-e-s-e!!" he shouted and hugged Laura. "You are such a sweetheart"
ARGHH...shouldn't Rene be hugging the person who brought the Chinese food?
"It was Jesse's idea..." she quipped.
Rene looked at me in the eye and gave an odd smile.
FUCK. Why did he have a boyfriend? I always thought it was difficult to find a gay guy. Now I had found one, but he wasn't SINGLE!
"You like Chinese too?" he asked me.
"Yeah..." I said softly.
"I'm hungry...let's eat for chrissake..." Laura said.
"Me too", Rene said.
I was hungry too.
We all sat on the floor and attacked the Chinese food.
"So...ho-w was...the m--ovie" Rene mumbled.
"I loved it..." Laura said, "but someone I know was TOO preoccupied to watch it."
Rene looked at me.
"Shut up" I said looking at Laura and ignoring Rene.
Laura winked at me.
I suddenly feared Laura would blurt out my feelings for Rene, just like she had announced to the whole world that I was gay. Nah...she couldn't be that reckless. Or could she?
"What were you preoccupied with Jesse? It was me, wasn't it? ..." Rene said smiling at me.
Laura just stared at me blankly with a noodle hanging from her mouth.
Suddenly, I couldn't taste the food in my mouth. I just kept quiet.
"You know...there is this friend of mine," Rene said.
"Please Rene...I don't need your help...I can find a boyfriend myself," I said in a definite tone. The last thing I wanted is Rene to fix me up with a dumb boyfriend. What was he thinking? Was he totally unaware of that night?
"I'm sorry my friend just needs some help in a project...but if you are looking for a boyfriend ..."
"...No...I'm not...I'm ok..." I said. FUCK. I remembered my mom always advising me not to interrupt people. Some habits never die.
Laura said, "I can't eat any more...anyone want more Chinese food?"
"I want it..." Rene said.
"I'm hungry too," I said.
"No you can't have it..." Rene quipped.
"Well, I got it!"
"Well, she must have bought it..." he said and pushed me gently.
I pushed him back a little harder. He jumped on me and started punching me. Wait...those weren't punches, they were more like tickles. I started laughing. I could now feel more than two hands on my body. It was revenge time! I pushed Rene back and started hitting him. Laura was laughing too, "Well no one wants the food I guess," she said and threw the carton up. We were now covered in noodles. But that didn't stop us from playing around. The boys (Rene and myself) were still fighting and laughing. Suddenly, a phone started ringing.
Rene was on top of me, his knee on my stomach, and his hands on my chest. He was breathing heavily, so was I. He looked at me and then got up. He put his hand into his pocket and extracted a mobile phone.
"Hey..." he said to the phone.
I could barely hear the voice over the phone. Rene smiled hearing the voice and walked away.
I looked at Laura. She was removing noodles from her hair.
"Must be Elliot..." she said.
"Of course it has to be him!" I said.
The fucking bastard knew we were having fun and wanted to spoil it all.
Rene had moved to the corner of the room. He obviously didn't want us to listen.
"You seem to be jealous..." Laura said.
"Jealous? Me? Why-Why should I be jealous? I'm not his boyfriend..."
"...but you wish you were."
Before I could say anything I could hear Rene raising his voice.
"Do me a favor Elliot...Stop fucking with me! ...Oh just keep the fucking phone," he said and hung up.
Laura and I were just looking at each other, bewildered. Rene sat on the couch. We stared at him.
"Oh...give me a break!" he said.
We looked away.
Laura began to clean the mess we made and I helped her. No one spoke.
After cleaning up I came back to the living room. Rene was still sitting on the couch looking at the wall in front of him.
I went and sat besides him.
He looked pale as ever. I wanted to hug him and kiss him. That would make him feel better. Who needed Elliot?
"No," he said blankly.
"O-K-A-Y," I said.
Just then the door bell rang.
"I'll get that," I said.
I opened the door. A tall cute guy was standing in front of me.
My heart froze.
To be continued...
Thanks to my editor - Dave.
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