"Tell me...you do, don't you?" Rene asked.
"Tell you what?" I said looking into his eyes.
He held me by his arms and came close to me. "You know what I mean..."
"No...I really don't."
He drew his face still closer to mine. His aroma enveloped me.
"Now do you feel anything?" he asked.
"A little," I lied.
He blinked his beautiful eyes before closing them and placing his lips on
mine. I closed my eyes as I was transported into this magical land. I felt
happy. I opened my eyes. I was shocked to see who was kissing me.
Laura was smiling at me.
"Now that did make you feel good, didn't it gay boy?" she said and gave an
I woke up with a startle.
It was past two pm. I looked around and the others were still asleep. Rene
and myself hadn't even bothered to check into our room, we slept right
there, in the girl's room. Willow's head was comfortably placed on my
tummy. She was sleeping peacefully. I lifted her head and rolled it onto
the bed. She murmured some medical jargon before going back to sleep.
I sat on the bed and there he was -- the man of my dreams. He was lying on
the sofa asleep. Half of his body had managed to slip from the sofa to the
floor, his shirt getting tangled between his body and the black cushion,
exposing his cute belly. I went closer to him and somehow managed not to
stare *anywhere*. I figured he would sprain his neck if he slept like this
and held it.
Just when I touched, him he woke up with a startle. He saw me. He suddenly
grabbed my arms and pressed so hard that it hurt.
"OUCH! What was that for?"
"Jesse! Don't ever touch me in my sleep!"
"I was just trying to make you comfortable..."
"I'm up now..." he said and stood up quickly. He stretched and looked
around. "The gals are conked I guess!"
"You were exactly like that five minutes ago," I quipped.
"And you were staring at me?"
"You think you are a freaking beauty queen don't you?"
"Haha...lets go out, get some air."
It was a calm day at Wilmington as the locals carried on with their day to
day affairs. I remembered my classes and shrugged. The worst part about a
vacation was that you eventually had to get back to your normal routine.
"Last night El called up..." Rene said.
EL AGAIN? What does he want now?
"And guess what?"
"What?" I said trying to show interest in this subject.
"He has this friend who lives at Wrightsville Beach"
"Wow that's cool..."
"Yup. Not everyone can afford a house there...El asked his friend to let us
"You mean stay right at the beach?!"
"I know, it's surreal...he said we could stay there the night...so we can go
"That's great Rene! Is this friend like gay?"
WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?
"What the fuck? What kind of question is that Jesse?"
"I mean..." El is gay, you're gay, I'm gay...so lets make everyone queer
"...he isn't gay. But he's El's good friend."
El's good friend living in Wrightsville beach. Yeah right.
"So what shall we do now then?"
"Hang around here I guess...but first we have to wake up two lazy bitches!"
"That should be fun," I said.
Laura and Willow were suddenly charged by an army of pillows. The war had
Wilmington. This was a place where you could go to the museums or the
beaches. Since we were going to Wrightsville beach the next day we
loitered in the museums of Wilmington.
The Cape Fear museum, the state's oldest museum...the USS
Battleship...Railroad museum, the Historic district... And you thought we
visited them all? You are absolutely crazy. After visiting the Cape Fear
museum and cruising the Cape Fear River we were tired, pissed and bored
out of our minds.
We returned to our motel at about 9:30 PM after hanging around a little
more in the market near 2nd Street.
We all abandoned our back packs at the door and dropped on the beds again.
No one spoke. We were utterly completely totally wiped out.
"Maybe we should have stayed home..." Will said.
"I enjoyed it..." Rene said.
"Fuck you!" I said.
"Come on...didn't you guys have fun?"
"Well I guess it was fun in the beginning but now I'm SO exhausted" Laura
"Did any one order food?" I asked.
No one spoke. Probably no one could.
After a few minutes of rest, Rene poked my back. The girls were already
"Let's go," he said.
"Let's go get some food..."
I wasn't moving.
"Jesse!! Come on!"
"I CAN'T MOVE," I said. I seriously couldn't!
"Move your fucking ass now!" he ordered.
"Rene! I can't! My leg...I seem to have a cramp in it."
"Oh fuck Jesse...you are so weak! Just shake your leg, it will be okay..."
"Shake my leg? Are you crazy? IT HURTS if I move an inch."
"Arghh..." He moved to my side of the bed; jumped down onto the floor and
looked at my leg.
"Where does it hurt?" he asked. What was he going to do? I was excited as
well as afraid.
"Right leg...Right below my knee"
"Here?" he said holding my calf muscles gently like it were some kind of
He looked for awhile and then got up.
"Get up," he said.
"I can't!" I said softly not wanting to wake up the girls. I didn't want
to suffer this humiliation in front of them.
"YOU CAN!" he said and caught me by my shoulders. I was for a second
suspended in air, before my feet landed on the cold floor again. It hurt.
He was, by the way, still supporting me.
"Now walk!" he commanded.
I thought you needed a massage to fix a cramp and not a walk! But at that
moment I was listening to my commander in charge. I had no choice.
He walked me all the way to the door and back. Then back to the door
"How does it feel now?" he asked.
"Better I think..." I replied.
"Good," he said and let go of me. He turned around and moved away.
I fell right on him. Well almost. I grasped at his back, well his t-shirt.
It tore as I slowly slid down to the floor. Rene turned back and looked
straight into my eyes. He seemed angry.
Seeing me sitting on the floor, my hands rubbing my leg, he smiled.
"Dumb ass" he whispered.
He bent down and pushed my hands away.
"That's not how you do it" he said.
He showed me.
I closed my eyes as I felt the blood rushing into my heart. Yes, my heart!
My freaking leg was perfectly alright after he walked me. But I would be
really nuts to miss this feeling - The wonderful feeling of his hands
massaging my...well my leg. I opened my eyes to make sure he was still
there, near me. I watched him as he flexed his arms massaging me, his eyes
concentrating on my leg, his beautiful face expressionless. This was much
better than my dream. This was real.
He suddenly grabbed my leg and pinched it tight. I shrieked.
"You've no fucking cramp do you?"
I kept quiet with the guiltiest look on my face.
"Jesse you know something...you're such an asshole!"
I know - Your sweet little asshole.
He got up and tore his t-shirt completely -- threw it in front of me,
exposing his gorgeous upper body. Damn, he was perfect. I wanted to close
my eyes. I couldn't take this. Why was he doing this to me?
Before I knew it he slid another t-shirt on himself and left the room. Not
fair! A strip show doesn't end with the guy getting fully dressed!
I ran behind him, "Where are you going?"
"To get some food," he shouted back, "You can join me sissy, if your leg
doesn't need hospitalization!"
Good. He wasn't pissed.
It was an unusually sunny day as we walked on the streets of
Wilmington. Rene for some reason was walking so fast that I had to almost
run to catch up with him.
"Hey, what's the hurry?" I shouted, panting.
"I just want to avoid conversation" he quipped.
Shit! Was he pissed?
"Rene, I can't walk any more! Let's sit down!" I said sitting down on a
bench by the side of the narrow street. Rene was still marching forward.
"Rene, Please!" I shouted.
He stopped and turned back. He looked at me. Standing a few feet away from
me was my angel. Even though he belonged to someone else, he was still my
angel, and I knew at that point nothing can change that. I knew that if
one day he would leave me and go away, I would still be strong because of
He grinned at me as he ran his fingers through his fine black hair.
I looked down at the grey stones as I panted for breath. It wasn't easy
running with one ex-cramped leg. As I looked up he was there, in front of
me. I smiled.
"What are you smiling at?"
I'm face to face with my angel, why shouldn't I smile?
He sat down besides me. "Now do I need to converse with you?"
"Only if you want to..."
I would force him anyway if he didn't.
"Ok..." he said.
"You know a good conversation usually consists of synchronized mouth and
tongue movements." I said.
He didn't move a muscle on his face.
"What's the matter Rene?"
"Ahh...nothing was just thinking of El..." he said.
"You miss him?"
"I miss the El I once knew."
"What do you mean?"
"Rene...El's mom isn't sick or anything. He didn't come because he didn't
want to be with me."
Woah...where was this going? I knew there were problems between El & Rene,
but didn't exactly know its nature.
"Doesn't want to be with you?"
"We had a fight...I kind ah...well..."
"You hit Elliot?!"
Rene was a muscular stud, but I seriously couldn't picture him hitting a
huge guy like Elliot. I was sure even the strongest punches wouldn't harm
"Yeah...I hit my own bf. I gave him a black eye" he confessed. His voice was
getting softer with every word. BLACK EYE! Now I had to be careful with
what I say to two guys who could punch me up.
"Why did you hit him?!"
"Because he doesn't listen to me anymore... and when someone doesn't listen
to you, you need to give them a good beating..."
"That makes a whole lot sense Rene!" I quipped.
"You don't know anything Jesse..."
"Then tell me..." I begged.
"Lets get some food first...I will tell you on our way back" he said.
Rene had finally opened up to me. I didn't think he would ever do it,
but he did. And I was glad that it happened. When someone you love, opens
up to you, you feel very special. You feel wanted...needed -- you feel loved.
From shock to despair, in the end I felt very sad for Rene. I didn't know
why he was still hanging on to El. Maybe it was the same reason why I was
hanging on to him.
When we returned to the motel I felt strange. I suddenly knew so much
about Elliot and Rene that it was hard to play the game. Laura & Willow
both didn't have a clue about what was happening.
The girls were up. Both of them still looked groggy and hungry. They tried
to smile seeing us come back. The smile broadened when they saw food. We
told them about the El's friend's beach house and that gave enough oomph
for the girls to jump up and down.
We all sat around in a circle and decided to play a game while we ate.
According to Will's brilliant plan, the so called game went like this:
Each member gets to ask anyone in the circle a very personal question. And
this crap continued until we were tired of it or fell asleep.
Willow started the game and she chose Laura.
"What did you think about Jesse when you first met him?" she quipped.
Laura glared at Will and then at me.
"Well? You fell for me instantaneously, didn't you?" I said without a
doubt in my mind.
"To be frank," Laura said, "I thought he was the most adorable geek in the
Everyone, of course except me started laughing.
"And then I thought...why not screw a geek for a change," she continued.
"So that was what I was? A fucking change?" I said.
"No honey...once I got to know you, you became the sweetest cutest guy I
ever knew. A guy who I can say I love, without having to associate love
I gave a sigh of relief.
"Of course then you turned out gay...ahhh well, you are too good to be
straight" she said.
"I agree," Will said.
"Enough praising Jess...my turn." Rene spoke.
"Hmmm...I choose Will!"
Will prepared herself as if she was about to write a freaking medical
"Yeah, go ahead Rene..."
"Tell me... the awful things you have to go through being Jesse's roommate..."
"Is there an anti-Jesse convention going on here?" I asked.
"Relax Jesse...it's just a game..." Will said, "Well...hmmm...actually he is the
best roomie I have ever had..."
"SEE! She has no complaints!" I quipped.
"Ohhh wait...there's one thing though...he always leaves the toilet seat up
no matter how many times I tell him not to! And...and...his clothes are always
everywhere. He also has this bad habit of hiding my books so that I can
sit and watch a movie with him...and not to forget...how he sometimes spends
hours in the bathroom doing god knows what...and then..."
The others were looking at me strangely.
"...I think that would be enough Will...It's my turn now..." I said.
"Ok...you are still the best I've had so far hon..." she said and smiled.
"Thanks Will!" I said blankly. "Okay, I guess I have to ask Rene a
"Yes...you get to deal with me," Rene said, smiling at me.
And then it went off. My brain that is.
A few seconds later Willow growled, "Jesse! Ask something!"
What could I ask? There were so many questions. Which one do I choose? Why
was Rene going out with El even when he knew El's into substance abuse.
Why wouldn't El listen to Rene and stop using drugs? Why can't Rene just
move on? Why would El do something like this to such a sweet guy like
Rene? Why the fuck did I fall for this guy?
"Fuck...I can't think of anything..." I said.
"Come on...there has to be something!" Laura said.
"What brand of underwear do you wear?" I quipped.
"Jesus Christ, Jesse...you can do better than that..." Rene replied.
"Ok..." I said, "Do you still love Elliot?"
I WANTED TO GO TO FUCKING HELL.
Everyone stopped eating. We could hear the clock ticking on the wall.
Rene's smile faded as his face turned blank.
And then he said, "Y..Yes...I love him."
After Rene gave his answer to my unbelievable question, Laura butted in
and cooled things between us. The game ran for two more rounds before we
got bugged and decided to sleep.
I changed and lay down on the bed with my back to the other side of the
bed. I couldn't bear to see Rene's face after what I did to him.
I heard Rene climb on the bed. A few moments later the lights went off and
then nothing. There was nothing that could be spoken.
I felt immensely guilty for asking Rene if he still loved Elliot. It was
very insensitive, but I had done it instinctively. How I hated them --
instincts. Even after I knew everything I asked him, perhaps the most
difficult question. But my Rene stood strong, he did take time, but he did
say that he still loved Elliot.
Love. I still don't get it. But it's mighty fucking strange.
A few months back Rene had a rude shock when he discovered that El was
using drugs. Rene was already bogged down with his nymphomaniac sister and
then he found out that his bf was a drug addict. Rene's life broke down.
Not to forget problems with his mother. Rene begged El to seek counseling
and give up drugs. After a lot of pleading, threatening, begging...El
agreed. El gave up drugs. I came into Rene's life. Laura became normal.
Everything had been fine until Rene caught El going back to his old habits
and old friends. They fought with each other and the relationship
degraded. Rene had reached a point where he could no longer go behind El
and save him. His only driving force was and is -- love.
It was late. About 1 AM in the morning and I still couldn't sleep. I kept
thinking about our evening and what had happened and what was going to
happen. I turned to Rene's side. My angel was sleeping next to me. I could
see his face and the outline of his magnificent body in the moonlight. He
was shirtless and wearing loose boxers. My baby.
Right then I felt miserable. I was SO close to my angel, yet so far. I
wanted to give him up, but how could I. I wanted to hug him, kiss him and
feel him, but how could I? I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
I inched towards him and placed my hand on his body. Only two of my
fingers touched his stomach. It felt cold and soft. Then I slowly placed
my palm on my Rene and I felt a little better. I closed my eyes. A tear
dropped onto the mattress as I began to sink into sleep.
To be continued...
Thanks to my editor - Dave.
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