Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2012 01:33:51 +0100 From: Kyro Clark Subject: Glitter and Trauma 16 ============================================================================== Disclaimer. This story is a work of fiction although it is loosely based on the real life experiences of the author. This story contains graphical depictions of sexual contact between two adult males. This story also contains harsh language or swearing and depicts scenes of alcohol and drug use. It should not be read by anyone where it is illegal to read such material and should not be read by anyone under the age of 18. The author retains the copyright, and any other rights to this story. This story may not be published, copied or redistributed in any way without the explicit consent of the author. ============================================================================= Authors note. Hey! I want to say a big thanks as usual to all the people who wrote me an email. It really is great to hear from everyone and helps pick me up. As some of you know, I've not been doing too well, I've been going through a few things and then I got side-lined with tonsillitis for nearly a fortnight which meant no uni and no writing. As such, when I was back on my feet again, I had to get caught up with uni and my writing took a back seat. I've been trying to figure some things out and as such I wrote another story/confessional monologue and posted it online. It's entitled 'The Truth About Coming Out' and If you read it, it should hopefully give you an insight into why this chapter took so long to write. I'm sure you'll agree after reading that story, and then reading this chapter, how I was feeling wasn't conducive to writing the happy and bubbly emotions that are abundant in this chapter. This chapter was more than 10,000 words and as a rule of thumb I tend to keep them under 8,ooo. I think splitting the chapter interrupts the flow, so this one is a bit bigger than usual. I advise that you get a coffee before reading! I want to say a BIG thanks to Josh for going that extra mile and doing more for me than any editor should have to. Thanks, friend. Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk And could you please include the title of the story, thanks in advance :D ============================================================================= RECAP: "Hey! It's me, again. Jamie I mean." Wow, I really am such an idiot at times. Ryan laughed, "Yeah, I kinda guessed." I shut my eyes at my own stupidity. "Right, obviously. Em... so, I'm definitely up for going to the pictures tonight if you're still up for it. There's a sort of party stroke small drink happening back at ours tonight as well, so I was thinking that we could go to the pictures early and then come back here for a couple of drink afterwards?" "Oh, who's going to be back at your flat?" he asked. "Em, everyone I think," I don't really know where he's heading with this. "Oh... Danny and I never got an invite," his voice wasn't upset but there was a hint of sadness or disappointment in it. "Oh, well John's just sort of organising it just now, I'm sure he's calling Rebecca and then he'll call Louise and Danny." "Cool, sounds like a plan," Ryan said, upbeat. "Right, so if we're coming back here afterwards, I was thinking that we should head to the pictures early, so should I come by yours at about half six?" "Half six sounds good." "Great, see you then," I said, trying not to sound ecstatic at the prospect of another date with Ryan. "See you then." Ryan said as he hung up the phone. We had just made a date. I was sure of it. We were supposed to be taking things slowly, building trust as friends first, just like we spoke about after our last date, but excitement charged through every bone in my body and right through my very core at the prospect of us becoming something more. This had to go well. No more fuck-ups, no more mishaps; this was undoubtedly my last chance. ============================================================================= Glitter & Trauma Chapter 17 - Progress? By Kyro I sat down on the edge of my bed and glanced at the bouquet of flowers sitting next to my alarm clock on the night-stand. I hung my head in my hands. Flowers! What a joke. What guy in the world wants a bouquet of flowers? He had bought me a DVD the last time we went out and all I had managed to buy him in return was a cheap and stupid bouquet of flowers. They didn't even look like a bouquet; they looked like a bag of flowers that you'd get at a supermarket if you had forgotten someone's birthday or forgot you and your wife's anniversary. I sighed, disgusted at myself. I knew that that was all I could afford. I was almost completely skint now and I had to save some money for the cinema ticket and the drink for tonight's party. Tonight was it: high-noon and my last chance. I couldn't afford anymore mistakes, I couldn't afford anymore mishaps. Ryan and I were supposed to be going out tonight as friends. There was supposedly no pressure on tonight. If nothing happened, nothing happened. But I couldn't help the feeling that that wasn't quite true. Ryan was bound to be getting sick of me, there's only so much bullshit someone can put up with before they get tired and run away. Apparently all feelings and relationships are conditional. There's no such thing as unconditional love. If there was, I probably wouldn't be in this flat, I'd be at home with my parents right now. Why did I have to think about my parents? It was twenty-five minutes past six and if I wanted to make it to Ryan's on time I would have to leave just now. I looked down at my well-scrubbed Converse, they were supposed to be white but they had seen better days. The laces were slightly grubby looking and at the side of the soles the dirt had become in-grained and impossible to move. I picked at the knee of my red skinnies absent-mindedly. 'What am I thinking?' I had made a date with a smart, funny, sexy and interesting guy without thinking it through fully. I mean, I barely know the guy. We had been on a few dates together now, but those were mainly 'finding your feet' dates. They were filled with lots of small talk and 'getting to know you' type questions, but now that all of them had been asked, what would we talk about? Would he get bored of me? How is it possible to ask this guy to go out and have a good time with me when my own family don't want to even see me? I felt as if I was sinking into the bed. I shook my head and swallowed hard. I suck at small talk... I suck at small talk and yet I had found something to talk to him about before. Surely I could do the same this time; surely there would be some sort of conversation starter that would get the night rolling. I swallowed hard again. I could do this. I stood up and took a deep breath before I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked so thin and worn out. Long gone were the days of care-free childhood where my face exuded my happy-go-lucky mentality. Even with a freshly washed skin-tight white t-shirt on, and my hair washed and dried as best as I could without straighteners, I still looked like shit. I sat back down on the bed and looked at the clock again; it was almost twenty-five minutes to seven. I couldn't go. It was wrong of me to go. I should just stay at home and spare myself all of this heartache and misery and grief. Part of the reason my family hurt me so much is because I let them. I trusted them with all my heart; I didn't just let them into my life, I invited them into it, I wanted them in it. And that's why it hurts so much that they've cast me aside, because it was me who gave them the power to hurt me, it was me who invited this onto myself. I'm just as much to blame for this as they are. If I had just kept them at arm's length, if I had just kept my distance from them emotionally, none of this would have happened. There are plenty of people out there who aren't close to their parents or their family, why did I have to be so special? I felt the mattress begin to suck me into it again and the little self-respect I had managed to work up for myself over the past few weeks evaporated before my very eyes. There was absolutely no way I was going to meet Ryan tonight. I didn't want to invite him in and let him get close like my parents. 'Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...' "Jamie are you still in there?" I heard someone shout on the other side of my door. "Yeah," I weakly shouted back. "Well, Ryan just got off the phone and asked if you had left yet. I told him you were on your way." Just as he said that Alex popped his head round my door and shot me a quizzical look as he saw me sitting on my bed ready to go out but not moving. "What's up? Why haven't you left yet?" "I dunno." I answered bringing my hand up to my forehead to give it a light rub. Alex chuckled. "Cold feet?" I continued to rub my forehead as I shook my head. "I dunno, I don't think so," I said, dejected. Alex sat down on the bed next to me. "Don't worry about it, Ryan isn't mad at you for running a little late, it's only a few minutes, but you should really start to head now." "I don't know if I'm gonna go." "You like Ryan, don't you?" Alex asked. "Yeah." "I mean, you really like him, don't you?" "Yeah," I answered again whilst taking my hand away from my forehead and looking up to the mirrors. "And he obviously likes you otherwise he wouldn't be going out on this date with you, right?" "Yeah, I suppose," I answered again whilst nodding my head. "Then that's all that matters. All the rest of it is just bullshit! So you're running a bit late, he won't mind, he's not some high-strung drama queen like Louise. You two had a weird 'will you?-won't you?' phase but you've both moved on from that, right? So just head out to the pictures and enjoy yourselves. Turn your brain off and don't overthink it. If you two hit it off and end up back here totally bumming each other then good." I couldn't help but laugh and took a deep breath as I felt some of the tension ease. "And if you two don't hit it off then don't worry; it's not the end of the world," he said whilst clapping me (rather roughly) on the back. I felt a smile spread across my face. "You're right." "I usually am," Alex said whilst giving me a cheeky grin and a wink. "Now get going, that's twenty to and it'll take you five to get round there." I stood up and nodded my head feeling slightly more confident now. I walked over to my drawers and pulled out my cigarettes, lighter and a half-used pack of mints. I stuffed them into my pockets before I turned, picked up the flowers and began to make my way out of my room. "Oh, and Jamie..." "Yeah," I answered. "If you get cold feet and get really shy and find it hard to talk to him, just think about fucking his sexy little ass." "FOR FUCK'S SAKE ALEX!" "Hey I'm just saying, try to remember why you're going on the date in the first place," Alex said giving me a huge grin. "The reason I'm going on the date isn't because I want to fuck him - " "So you don't want to fuck him?" "I never said - " I took a deep breath in through my nose. Alex still had a massive grin on his face, he was messing with me. I shook my head, "I'm leaving." I could hear Alex chuckling away to himself as I stepped out the door and into the lobby. I lit a cigarette as I stepped outside and began to make my way round to Ryan's flat. My head began to lighten and my body calmed as I took a few draws of the cigarette. I loved the feeling as the inhaled fumes made their way to my head, a sense of joyful content washed over me. I stubbed out the cigarette, popped a mint into my mouth, and made my way inside the flat's lobby. I rushed upstairs and as soon as I made it to Ryan's door, I thumped on it three times before I could chicken-out. The door shot open instantly which startled me a bit and made me wield my flowers as if it were a sword. Danny stood on the other side looking pretty displeased to see me. "You're late," he said flatly. "Eh... yeah." I couldn't think of anything else to say. "Is that all you've got to say for yourself?" I felt my eyes unconsciously widen, was he expecting me to apologise to him for being late? I saw the door at the far end of the hall swing open and Ryan come speeding towards me. There are many ways to describe a man. Handsome, good-looking, attractive... All of which were socially acceptable and pretty conventional. But I wouldn't use any of those words to describe Ryan; he wasn't conventionally attractive, not for a man. He was tall but his figure was slight and slender and his hips were so small. Handsome or simply good-looking didn't accurately describe his type of beauty; he was gorgeous in a feminine way whilst still remaining masculine. As he came into view it was plain to see that he had spent quite a bit of time on getting himself ready for tonight. He was freshly shaven and his silky-cream skin contrasted against the sleek lines of his straightened, long, jet-black hair. He was wearing a black t-shirt with a green pattern, his characteristic grey skinnys and a pair of black pumps. Even the sweatbands he always wore around his wrists were colour coordinated tonight with a green and black chequered pattern to go with his t-shirt. I briefly made eye contact with him and felt my body explode with excitement and nerves. A massive grin marched across my face, and to my utter delight the same thing happened to Ryan. I almost had to remind myself to breathe as I was so in awe of his beauty. Why couldn't I scrub up like that? "Hey, ready to get going?" Ryan asked. "Yeah," I continued to smile like some love-struck little girl before I remembered the flowers, I motioned them towards Ryan. "Are those for me?" he asked. "Yeah," I mumbled embarrassed. "Wow, they're beautiful, thanks," he said honestly. I could feel myself gushing. "It's not much; I stole them from an accident black spot, really," I said trying to make light of the flowers. Ryan let out a laugh before he handed the flowers to Danny. "Can you put them in water for me?" "Whatever," Danny grumbled. "I'll see you later, Danny," Ryan said as he stepped past him. "See you later," I said to Danny airily. He mumbled something back as he shut the door but I wasn't paying any attention. We began making our way down the stairs and I could barely tear my gaze away from Ryan. It's impossible to describe just how beautiful he was looking tonight. He turned his head and caught me staring, I averted my eyes and somehow managed to smile even more than what I had been. "I'm sorry I was late," I began hoping to distract Ryan from my reddening face and dopey grin. "Don't worry, I was running a bit late too," Ryan smiled back. I felt the butterflies in my stomach begin to dart around frantically; his smile is like a drug. We stepped out into the crisp night and began walking towards the pictures. I snuck another look at Ryan and felt as if my body was going to explode with yearning; I couldn't help but mention it. "You look beautiful tonight," I said softly. I stared hard at the floor near my feet. Did I just say that? How would he take it? Would he be OK with being called beautiful? Does he think being called beautiful is unmanly? A few seconds passed and then I managed to drag my eyes up to look at Ryan's face, it had turned blood red with embarrassment and he was chewing on his lip trying to suppress a grin. I think he had taken the compliment well! I felt a small smile begin on my face before Ryan stopped walking and turned to face me with an intensity which made me catch my breath. "You look... truly amazing tonight," he said in return. I shot my gaze back down to the floor and brought my hand up to my hair. I gave it a ruffle so that it would fall over my face slightly and Ryan wouldn't be able to see me blush and smile like a little girl. "You're really sweet when you blush and try to hide behind your hair," Ryan said. I could feel my blush deepening before I felt Ryan's hand brush my hair away from my face. I looked up into his eyes. "But you shouldn't hide behind your hair," he said sincerely before he dropped the level of his voice to not much more than a whisper. "Your smile's too good for that." I didn't know what to say to that, so I just said nothing and continued to smile. I could feel my cheeks reddening EVEN further as we continued to stare at each other. Finally, Ryan smiled warmly. "Should we get going?" "Yeah," I whispered again. We began walking again towards the cinema and I couldn't help but notice that Ryan was walking close to me, REALLY close to me. Sometimes his hand would brush up against my exposed forearm and a surge of adrenaline and excitement would shoot through me. When we made into the cinema, we didn't want to wait around and then turn up late to the party back at the flat, so we picked the first showing of some action movie that neither of us had heard of. I was completely drained of money but I did have enough for a ticket. Ryan, however, didn't let me pay. This aggravated me as he had paid the last two times we had gone to the cinema, but he pointed out that Alex, John and I were buying the alcohol for tonight so this probably made us square. It was a fair point but I made a mental note that if I were to come to the pictures again with Ryan that I would be the one who buys the tickets. I'm not a leech. We both halved in for the pic n' mix. Ryan stipulated that he wanted to consume a larger volume of Cola-Bottles and Giant Dolphins and as such, felt that he ought to contribute. If it meant more Dolphins and Cola-Bottles to munch away on then I wasn't going to complain! We made it into the cinema-hall and just like last time, Ryan marched ahead of me towards the back of the room. I thought that this was a bit strange as the movie wasn't in 3-D like the last time, so why would he want to sit near the back? I followed Ryan to the back row and took the seat next to him. Almost as soon as we sat down the trailers began and Ryan moved his leg to rest against mine. I felt myself become almost giddy with excitement; I couldn't believe he had made a move towards me like that, even if it was just subtle. Or maybe I was reading too much into it... shit! I had to calm down; I could feel a problem growing in my boxers. I took a Cola-Bottle out of the bag and hung it from my mouth before I offered Ryan the pic n' mix bag; he chuckled at the gum hanging from my mouth and then did the same with a Giant Dolphin. I sighed relieved that he had mirrored me; otherwise I would have felt childish and stupid. I had to get it together, his leg was just resting against mine; he wasn't offering to have hot, sweaty sex. I turned to face the screen, still feeling excited at being out with Ryan. I went to put my hand on the arm rest and quickly pulled it away as my hand touched Ryan's hand which was already laying on the rest. There was no mistaking that our hands had touched and I know he felt it too. I wouldn't be able to pretend this never happened so I turned towards him and took the Cola-Bottle out of my mouth. "Sorry, I didn't mean to - " "Don't worry about it, you take the arm rest," he mumbled with the dolphin still in his mouth. "No, it's OK." I said embarrassed. Ryan took his hand off the arm rest, I felt awkward and obliged to put my arm there now that I had forced him to take his off. I opened the bag of pic n' mix and sat it between my thighs so I could get easy access to it throughout the movie. I got comfy and settled in as the movie began. It wasn't really the best movie I had ever seen in terms of cinematic performances. Midway through, Ryan reached across and put his hand into the pic n' mix bag which was still between my thighs. As he rummaged around in the bag I couldn't help but grip hard on both of the arm rests and stare intently at the screen. His wrist was brushing up against my jewels and it felt so amazing. I was becoming erect fast and my only hope was that he would find whatever gum he was looking for soon before things got out of hand and I ended up with messy pants! After what felt like an eternity, he pulled his hand out of the bag and tossed another dolphin into his mouth. My eyes met his and a grin spread across his face. I couldn't help but beam back, partly due to nerves, partly due to amazement that this astounding boy was even giving me the time of day. I exhaled heavily and nestled my shoulders back against the chair trying to relax and rub off the tingles of excitement from my back. Just when I was starting to get comfy again I felt Ryan's arm come to rest on top of mine which was still on top of the arm rest. Unlike when I did this, Ryan didn't seem surprised and he didn't move his hand away. He moved it further forward until his hand was lying directly on top of mine! My mind was racing. We weren't exactly holding hands, but we weren't far off it! I could feel his fingertips rub up against my knuckles as he moved his hand ever so slightly trying to get it comfortable; I couldn't tear the world's largest grin off of my face and I knew that if I looked at Ryan I would just smile and blush like a little girl again, so I quickly rummaged in the pic n' mix with my free hand and pulled out a Giant Dolphin, which I quickly propelled into my mouth. We sat through the rest of the movie like this, with Ryan occasionally reaching back into the pic n' mix with his free hand, apparently neither of us wanted to chance ruining the moment or breaking the physical contact of our arms on the rest. So our hands stayed still and we continued to rummage in the pic n' mix bag with our free hands. It must have been the only time that I was sat in the cinema watching an utterly terrible movie - which I was barely paying any attention to - and I was desperate for it NOT to finish. When the movie did end, and the credits began to roll, I felt angry. Angry that Ryan was about to take his touch away from me. He stood up and took his hand off mine. I sighed and tried not to look annoyed as I stood up and forced a smile at him. I had to pull my t-shirt down discreetly to cover my still erect member. "What did you think of it?" he asked as we began making our way to the fire exit. It took me a few seconds to realise he was talking about the movie and not the 'almost holding hands' situation. "Em... eh..." I had barely focused on any of the movie, and the little that I had seen was pretty terrible. Ryan began laughing. "You don't have to lie; I thought it was terrible too." I let out a nervous laugh. As we stepped out into the cold air, Ryan made a step back towards the way we came to the pictures. "Actually!" I said raising my voice accidentally. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout," I smiled, embarrassed. "But would you like to walk back to the flat through the park? With me I mean." Oh my god, of course with me! I sighed inwardly; it's just verbal diarrhoea I spout when I'm around Ryan. Apparently he found it funny though and he let out a small chuckle. "Yeah, sure, that would be nice," he smiled. I felt myself smile blushingly as he accepted my offer and we began to walk through the park. It was a longer walk but it was a lot quieter and a lot more peaceful than walking back through the streets. "So..." I began, completely unsure as to whether or not I should say what I was thinking. Tonight had been wonderful, in every single way, and I felt as if I was walking on some sort of cloud. I felt as if I was going through one giant orgasm which began the minute I had clapped eyes on Ryan tonight. Ryan parroted back with a hint of a good-natured laugh in his voice. "So..." "Right," I said snapping myself away from my thoughts. "Well... I guess... I wanted to walk through the park tonight... with you... obviously... so we could talk... about stuff." I shook my head, I sounded so unbelievably dumb and I could feel my throat tightening up as nerves began to get the better of me. "Cool. What did you want to talk about?" Ryan said trying to keep his voice light-hearted but I could hear the earnest behind it. "Well... just about...us two and stuff..." I shook my head again. Why did I keep saying 'stuff?' "Ok," Ryan said upbeat. "Well... I guess it's just about what happened over the past week," I said, rubbing my sweaty hands against my denims. I was unbelievably nervous; my heart was thumping in my chest. "Last week... you said that we could be friends and take it easy and if nothing happened then nothing happened." I saw Ryan's face fall slightly, "oh..." "Yeah...well, when we fell out after the phone-call on Sunday..." I could feel myself turning red and my throat felt like it was shrivelling up like a prune. "I got annoyed... and... a bit...jealous." The last word stuck in my throat as I said it. "Jealous?" Ryan repeated. "Eh...yeah," I said. God, it felt like my entire face was on fire. "Do you know what I mean?" I asked. "Em... not really," he said. "Oh...well...I guess what I mean... is...eh..." I hesitated for a minute, not exactly sure how to say what I felt before a quote from a TV programme I had just watched popped into my head. "Em... have you seen the TV programme called Boardwalk Empire?" "No," Ryan said whilst shaking his head. Of course he hasn't, that would make this too easy. "Well in that programme, this guy has two options, and he's not sure which of the options he wants to choose. He's torn." Ryan nodded his head indicating that he was following me. "And then he asks for a bit of advice from this other guy. The other guy tells him, 'Flip a coin. When it's in the air, you'll know which side you're hoping for.'" A moment of silence passed as I gave him time to think about what I had just said and gave myself some time to summon some more courage. "And that's kind of what happened with you." Ryan's face was completely boggled; I was making an absolute mess of this. "What I mean is," I said getting annoyed at my own inability to convey myself. "After we had the talk about being friends and just taking it from there, I began to think about...us...and what it would be like... if we were to become...more...than friends, I mean." "Oh." "Yeah," I said, blushing furiously. "And I didn't really know if I wanted us to be friends or something more. But when we fell out last week that was like the coin being flipped." I stopped walking now and Ryan stopped too. A moment of silence passed as Ryan digested what I was saying. "So when the coin was in the air, which side did you hope it would land on?" Ryan asked. His face was completely blank; I had no idea if this was something he wanted. I looked down at the ground next to Ryan's feet; there was no way I would be able to say this while looking at his face. "I guess... I was kinda hoping... that we could be more than friends. Like exclusive... or boyfriends or...something...I like you and... I dunno..." As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I felt like running away. I felt like turning away and running as far away from Ryan as my skinny legs could possibly carry me. Something was urging me to run back to the flat and stuff my head under a pillow for being so stupid as to ask Ryan to be my boyfriend. But I didn't; something also had me rooted to the spot. Something also prevented me from acting on every prompt from my destroyed self-confidence. My hands were shaking again. Typical. I could feel worry build up behind my face; he still hadn't answered me and a few seconds had passed by. "I'm sorry," my voice quaked. "I shouldn't have sai - " Just as I was apologising, I felt a hand softly lift my chin up forcing me to look at Ryan and stop talking mid-sentence. I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but he didn't say anything. He moved his mouth towards mine and answered me with a kiss. His kiss was soft and delicate and I tried to return it with the same gentle passion, but my insides were doing summersaults and I was finding it difficult to contain my utter ecstasy at not being rejected by Ryan. His lips were so unbelievably tender and tasted sweet like the gums he had been eating earlier. My entire body was shaking and my knees had gone weak as the world's most daunting cocktail of nerves and excitement ran through my system. I stepped into the kiss and tentatively put my hands on Ryan's waist, I was wondering if I had gone a step too far until I felt Ryan slip his arms down my back and rest them on my lower-back. I felt Ryan run his tongue against my lips as our kiss kicked up a notch; he wanted access to my mouth and he had me completely awash with emotions. I noticed that it wasn't just my emotions that had been driven wild, he had my hormones charged up as well as I became acutely aware that my member was at full mast and straining against my denims. God, what if he thought I was some kind of pervert or sexual deviant or something? I broke the kiss and looked away at the trees behind him. I could feel myself blushing as I tried to subtly adjust myself and stretch my t-shirt so that it would cover my crotch area and make what was going on down there a little less noticeable. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Ryan adjusting his jeans too. Was it possible that he had the same predicament as me? I couldn't help myself and snuck a look at Ryan's crotch area; there was no mistaking that he had grown, his skinny denims weren't good at hiding a very sizable lump. I looked up to Ryan's face and he was watching me. He'd seen me looking at his crotch! "I'm sorry," he said clearly embarrassed before he continued to speed, "I couldn't help it, it just happened...because of the kiss." He was turning a deep shade of red. "It's alright. I didn't see anything." I said shutting my eyes before I continued to race. "I mean, I did see, but I wasn't perving," I shot back mortified. "I mean, it happened to me too." I could feel myself turning crimson. Someone has to kill me now and stop me talking! "Really?" Ryan asked. I looked up at him and couldn't suppress an embarrassed grin. "Yeah," I squeaked. Ryan smiled. "Cool." I felt some of the tension between us disperse and we both let out a laugh. "So does that mean we're like... a couple or something?" I asked hopefully. Ryan beamed back at me, "yeah." * I didn't walk back to the flat with Ryan, I floated. I genuinely took off from the ground and levitated my way back home. It was strange because we barely spoke a word to one another, but the silences weren't awkward, not one iota. And most of the time the silences were filled with me sneaking a look at him, him catching me, and then both of us looking away and grinning like Cheshire cats. It was amazing. When we made it to the entrance of the flat I pulled the door and held it open for him to step inside. He smiled, walked past me and then I followed him inside before he stopped in front of me and turned round. "So eh... can I get a kiss from my boyfriend before we go inside?" OH MY GOD, HE JUST CALLED ME HIS BOYFRIEND!!!! I couldn't even formulate words; it felt like my chest would explode with some sort of atomic excitement bomb! I just beamed and Ryan knew that that meant yes as he pressed his lips against mine. His kiss was less gentle but by no means less intense. Unlike the last time, he didn't wait before moving his tongue to my lips; he did it straight away, and I wasn't hanging around now either. I licked at his tongue with mine and soon we were invading each other's mouths with our tongues. His tongue felt amazing and actually TASTED sooooo good. It wasn't just the gums from earlier that I could taste now either, there was a different taste there too and my god was it unbelievably good. This time it was Ryan who broke the kiss by lightly biting my bottom lip and then pulling away with it still between his teeth. When he released my lip, I had to supress a grunt of pleasure. I'm glad he had found the self-restraint to break the kiss because I was genuinely losing all sense of reality as I was utterly consumed by his kiss. He smiled at me and my body beamed back without even thinking about it. I had practically lost all control of my body. "I think we should give it a minute before we go in," Ryan suggested. I arched my brow, "Why?" Ryan smiled and then gestured down towards my stomach. I looked down and both of us were definitely sporting erections. I quickly stretched my t-shirt to cover it and muttered a few embarrassed apologies. "Sorry, it's not usually like this, I can't help it," I fumbled. Ryan let out a laugh. "Don't worry, I'm a guy too you know!" I looked down at the floor, embarrassed. "I know it's just... usually a little bit more... disciplined than this," I scrabbled. "Disciplined?" Ryan said with just a hint of teasing in his voice. Oh god, what was I saying? It's verbal diarrhoea again! "Please don't make me talk anymore," I begged, defeated. Ryan burst out laughing and I shook my head, completely humiliated at my own stupidity. "Don't worry, you may not have noticed, but I've got one too," Ryan said trying to make me feel more relaxed. "I could hardly miss it," I reasoned. OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY PLEASE STOP ME FROM TALKING NOW!!! I brought my hands up to cover my face. "You must think I'm some sort of pervert or something." Ryan let out another small laugh. "I think you're hilarious and unbelievably cute when you're embarrassed." I let out a whine and complained. "Don't call me cute, guys aren't supposed to be cute," I said, looking up at him. "Sorry, but it's your own fault, cutey." I looked back down at the floor again as a blush spread across my face. "I'm glad we went out tonight," I said, hoping to change the subject. "Me too," Ryan offered. I looked up and he was smiling sincerely. "Do you think you're ready to head upstairs yet?" I asked. A cheeky smile spread across his face. "Yeah, I think I'll be able to keep my discipline," he said before he gave me a wink. "Shut up," I muttered whilst giving him a playful push. We walked up the stairs and into the flat; I could hear some music seeping from the gap underneath the door separating the living room from the hall. I stopped just short of the closed door. "Eh, Ryan." "Yeah?" "Em... can we tell people? I mean, you're not closeted are you?" I asked. Ryan's face became serious, "Em... I'm not closeted but I haven't taken any adverts out in the local papers." "Does Louise and that know you're gay though?" I enquired. He smiled. "Yeah." He hadn't really cleared up my concerns. "So em... who do you want to tell?" I asked. "I dunno, how about we tell just our friends at the moment?" he suggested. I smiled, relieved that he didn't want to keep this as some sort of dirty little secret. "Yeah, that's cool," I smiled. I opened the living room door. I swear to god it was as if Alex was just waiting for me to enter the living room so he could jump on me. "Woo hoo! It's the love birds!" Alex taunted whilst beaming at me. Danny was sitting looking as completely stoic as ever whilst Louise let out a wolf whistle before Rebecca gave her a slap on the side of her shoulder. "Leave them alone," she warned before she turned her attention to Ryan as he walked in behind me. "How'd it go?" she asked him. John leaned forwards in his chair towards us, eager to hear the news. "I'm not gonna gossip," Ryan said firmly, trying to suppress a grin. Everyone - including the supposedly super-straight macho man Alex - let out groans and sighs of disappointment. (Well, maybe not Danny). I turned to Ryan. "Do you want a drink?" I asked. "Eh, yeah. A beer please," he smiled. I smiled back before I caught myself. The last thing I needed to do was continue grinning and blushing like a little girl in front of Alex, he'd never let me hear the end of it. "Does anyone else want a drink?" I asked as I made a few steps towards the kitchen. Everyone chorused a "no" before I saw Alex heading towards me with the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face. "I'll just get mine by myself," he said. I smiled. That was Alex-code for, 'I want to talk to you in private and gossip like a little girl.' As soon as we stepped inside the kitchen Alex pulled the door over slightly whilst I got a glass out and started to fix myself a drink. "Oh my god, you totally got some action!" Alex began. I let out a laugh and shook my head. "Don't you lie to me Jamie boy," Alex said smirking. I couldn't help but smile as he put on a tone of voice reminiscent of one of my old teachers. "I never got any action," I reaffirmed. "Seriously?" Alex said, he sounded genuinely disappointed. "There wasn't any hanky-panky in the back row of the pictures?" I shook my head. "There wasn't any groping or grab-ass?" I shook my head. "No hand-jobs or suck-off sessions?" I couldn't help but smile as I continued to shake my head. "Are you trying to tell me you didn't drag him into the toilets and smash his backdo-" "JESUS CHRIST ALEX!!!" Alex was completely beside himself with laughter. "We've really got to work on your social filter," I said as I took a sip of my drink to make sure it wasn't too strong. "Jesus! What's the point in being gay if you've still got to wait before you get any action? I thought all gay guys would be getting their freak-on after the first date." "Well, you know. It's not that we don't wanna, we just... aren't rushing into anything." "Anything? Why? Are you two planning on becoming something more? Are you two gonna be-" Just then a large scream came from the living room, it sounded like it came from Louise and Rebecca and then I heard John congratulating Ryan. Obviously they knew that we were an item. I'm sure I heard Ryan trying to hush them but I could tell that Louise was completely giddy and she would no doubt be harassing Ryan for details. A smirk spread across Alex's face. "You sly dog. You did get some action! Who topped who?" "Jesus Christ Alex," I said trying to quieten him down before someone heard. "No one topped anyone, no one got any action," I said firmly. "We just decided that we both liked each other and we were gonna be... you know.... exclusive." "Oh my god! You two are totally gay for each other!" Alex said before he began singing, "Ryan and Jamie sitting in a tree - " I threw an ice cube at him. "What age are you?" "Mentally? About twelve, twelve and a half." He grinned. I couldn't help but smile. He was such a dick! "Grab me a beer for Ryan will you." "Sure, I'll grab your BOYFRIEND a drink." I shook my head; this was going to be a long night. I picked up the drinks and headed into the living room behind Alex. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I was desperately trying not to smile. Ryan was sandwiched on one of the couches between Louise and Rebecca with Danny sitting on the other couch with John. Alex and I apparently had to make do with two chairs that had previously been dragged in from the kitchen table. I walked over to Ryan and handed him his beer before I sat down in my chair next to Alex. "So..." Alex began. I knew he was about to bust my balls to pieces. I moved my hand up to my forehead and began rubbing it in nervous anticipation. He loved nothing more than taking the piss out of people. "So how'd your night go, Ryan?" Alex asked. I shook my head; I knew it would be easier if Alex got this all out of his system just now. Ryan cleared his throat. "Yeah, it was...nice." "Nice eh? Just nice?" And so it begins... "Well... I mean, it was really nice. I had a great time even," Ryan scurried. Alex tutted whilst keeping a straight face. "Sounds a bit forced to me. Jamie said it was the best night of his life." A wry smile spread across my face as I looked up to Ryan. "I didn't say that," I said calmly. "So it wasn't a good night?" Alex asked. "You didn't enjoy yourself?" I continued to shake my head. "I never said that either." Alex puffed his cheeks. "I'm surprised you're so calm about all this Jamie, before you left tonight to go out with Ryan, you were totally worked up talking about his arse." I genuinely nearly choked on my drink. I knew he would be a bit rough and crass, but usually his humour was tongue and cheek and suggestive; I didn't think he would be so explicit. He was really sinking to a new low just to rip on me. "I wasn't worked up talking about Ryan's arse," I said, the calmness in my voice replaced with high- pithed concern. "So the thought of Ryan's arse doesn't work you up?" Alex asked. "Would you stop twisting my words?" "But you have to admit, we did have a conversation about Ryan's arse before you left tonight." I turned to Ryan. "It wasn't like the way he's making out. It was him who brought it up." "That wasn't the only thing that came up tonight," Alex said in a stupid voice. "You told him about that?" Ryan asked, affronted. "Oh my god!" I droned as I brought my hands up to my face trying to hide behind my hand and my drink. I could hear Alex bursting with laughter beside me trying to get the words out. "I knew something happened. Ryan got a stiffy and Jamie totally sucked the life out of it." "Wait, you didn't tell him?" Ryan said a bit puzzled. I heard John begin to laugh as he finally realised just what was happening. This only sent Alex over the edge again. I shook my head, still refusing to move my hands from my face. "Oh..." Ryan said, clearly just coming to terms with the fact that he had told Alex that one of us had got an erection. I nodded my head gravely. "Oh my god, Ryan. You're such a slut," Louise said sounding completely impressed. "I'm not a fucking slut," Ryan said, offended. "We never did anything." "Oh my god..." Alex chirped in again only this time with a more serious tone. "Tell me one of you two didn't make a mess of yourselves whilst you were sucking face?" "Really? Did you?" Louise asked Ryan believing everything Alex was saying as if he was delivering a news report. "Jesus Christ! Right, that's it! No more talk about Ryan and me. Alex, you know there's a special place in hell for someone like you." Everyone started booing and complaining; it was proper pantomime villainy! Clearly they were having a lot of fun at our expense and didn't want it to stop so soon. Thankfully, things settled down a bit after that and we began talking about the usual nonsensical stuff. After a few hours and probably too many drinks, the music was turned up and we were all sitting on the floor having forsaken the chairs for no apparent reason. I had thought about asking why we were all sitting in a circle, but we were all pretty wasted and I was sitting next to Ryan, so I wasn't getting up for anything (except maybe the toilet). "Does anyone think I've got unusually small arms?" Louise asked. She was sitting opposite me. "I don't think so," Rebecca said trying to reassure her. "I dunno, I can kind of see your point," John said. I'm pretty sure he was just stirring it. "I know, right?" Louise said. "I think it's cause you have large breasts," Alex said shamelessly. I shot my head to the floor and giggled away to myself. I could hear Ryan who was sitting to my right doing the same as everyone else went quiet. I think it must have been the alcohol in his system that had made Ryan bold, because he apparently decided that sitting 'sort of' close to me wasn't enough. I was sitting with my back to the foot of the couch and there was a bit of space between him and me. Ryan apparently didn't like this and scooted over and put his back to the couch like me so that our legs and sides were touching each other. It was just like he did when we were at the pictures together, only now I felt uncomfortable for some reason. I looked into his face and he gave me a dopey, drunken grin. It was still so sexy. "Because my breasts are big?" Louise repeated slurring her words again. "Yeah," Alex said, sounding more confident in his analysis. "I mean, if you had a small chest, when you stuck your arms out in front of you, your arms would seem like they're far away from your body, but because your chest is HUGE..." Ryan and I both let out another snort of laughter. "...it seems like you have tiny tyrannosaur arms," Alex finished. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I was full-on laughing now and so too was Ryan and John and Rebecca and even Danny. It was Alex's drunken sincerity that made the whole situation so funny. Louise stuck her arms out like some sort of mummy. "Tyrannosaur arms..." she muttered to herself. "Yep," Alex continued. "Which isn't actually a slight about your arms, but rather a compliment on the size of your - " "Fun-bags?" I interjected. Everyone began laughing again. "It's a shame your boobs are so big, Louise," Rebecca said with her eyes closed. She was really drunk. "Why's that?" Louise asked puzzled. "Because you have lovely eyes, but no guy is ever going to notice them," Rebecca said shaking her head. I don't think anyone found that funny but Ryan and me. We shot each other a look and began chuckling away quietly. "You know, I'm going to start one of those polls on Facebook tomorrow and I'm going to ask everyone what colour my eyes are to see if it's true," Louise said. "Good idea," John practically shouted. "You can answer it too Jamie. That way I can find out if people are staring at my eyes or my boobs. You're gay so you should be an interesting test case." "Eh... I don't have a Facebook," I responded. "Really? Why not?" Louise fired back at me. I shrugged my shoulders. "I dunno, I just reminds me of prison, and I don't really like prison." "Prison?" Ryan parroted next to me as did Louise. "Yeah, I mean: you sit around all day, writing on walls whilst strangers are poking at you." Everyone began laughing but I wasn't paying attention. The only person I was paying any attention to was sitting right next to me, banging his side against mine when he was laughing. Just that little physical contact felt great. I had to bring my knees up towards my chest as I felt myself starting to get hard. 'Is it normal to get hard so easily?' I wondered. "I think it sucks that people don't know the colour of my eyes," Louise slurred again. "Don't sweat it, Louise. Just remember the toilet roll theory," John said before giving her a very drunken wink. "The toilet roll theory?" she asked. "Yeah. Life is like toilet paper. Either you're on a roll or you're taking shit from some arsehole," John said matter-of-factly. Everyone began laughing but apparently John wasn't finished. "You see, the important thing about that is to remember that the person giving you shit is an arsehole." He gave her another wink. Louise crawled over towards John. "Awww thanks. You've made me feel so much better," she said, giving him a hug. "I love you too," Rebecca said out of nowhere and moved forwards seemingly with her eyes closed to get involved in a three-way hug. I shook my head. Those three had had enough to drink but I couldn't stop smiling at this strange show of friendship. "This is a touching moment," Alex said sarcastically whilst dabbing at his eyes with his hands, feigning that he was crying. "Shut up, Alex," Louise bit back. Once the three-way was broken-up we continued to drink and take the piss out of one another until things started to escalate. "I'm just lucky that I managed to pull the alpha-male of the house," Rebecca said between hiccups. "What about me?" I asked indignantly. "Oh please, if you were any more... back..." She paused for a minute whilst the hiccups got the better of her before continuing. "Vertical." Ryan was chuckling away; apparently he got the gist of what she was saying. I was pretty drunk by this point so I decided to just let it go. "As if there is anyone in here that's more alpha material than me," Alex said, puffing his chest out. He was utterly hilarious when he was drunk; he played the macho-man role so well at times. "Oh please, you've only got a half a dick!" Louise said snidely. "You wish. I have a fully formed dick I'll have you know." "You're car hasn't got a hood and you know it," Louise said. "Oh my god, Alex. Are you Jewish?" I asked him. Ryan chuckled next to me. "I'm not Jewish; I just got my foreskin snipped." "Oh my god," I said moving my hands towards my crotch. "You're only half a man?" I said hoping to get a bit of revenge for what happened earlier tonight. "I have a full-sized dick," Alex said, getting annoyed. "It was just the foreskin they snipped." "Did they have a funeral for your foreskin?" Ryan asked. Everyone let of a laugh. "You know what; I don't need to take this shit. We all know I'm the biggest in here," he said, grinning. "Bullshit!" John shot back at him. "Yeah, bullshit!" I chimed in. "Oh come on Jamie, you're what? Five foot four? Five foot three?" "I'm five foot six you dick." "Exactly, I'm six foot three. There's no chance you're bigger than me," Alex said. "It's got nothing to do with height," I argued. "And what about me?" John said, feeling left out. "I'm the same height as you Alex and I haven't had some surgeon hacking off half my happy-stick." "It was just the foreskin!" Alex said getting really annoyed now. Everyone began laughing. "You know what, I'll prove it," he said, standing up rather unsteadily. "Come on then Jamie, John. Let's see who's the biggest." "I'm not doing that," I said. "Chicken!" Alex bated before he started to make a chicken noise. "I'm not chicken, I'm just not gonna go around flashing myself to everyone," I said, indignantly. John stood up. "Just leave him out of it Alex, he's obviously smaller than us anyway." Saying something like that to a drunken guy is like waving a red flag to a bull. "All right then," I said, standing up. "Let's fucking do this." I started undoing my belt. "Don't do it, John." Rebecca said. "You'll just embarrass yourself." "Ooooohhhhh!" Everyone chimed and began laughing as Rebecca cut John down to size. "I don't think I've got the stomach for this now," I declared. "I knew you'd chicken out!" Alex said. "I'm not chickening out; I just don't know if I wanna see John's bloody and deformed crotch now that Rebecca's cut his balls off." "OOOOOHHHHHH!!!" Everyone sounded again. "Fuck this, I'm outta here," Danny said, apparently disgusted that we had all removed our belts now. "Come on Ryan, we'll head into the kitchen." "I'm OK here," Ryan said. Danny put his arms under Ryan's and lifted him up. "Kitchen. Trust me, you'll thank me in the morning." Ryan and Danny skulked off into the kitchen and Louise moved into Ryan's seat so she could get a prime view as the three of us unbuttoned our denims but didn't pull them down yet. "Come on Louise," Rebecca said as she shakily got to her feet. "I'm staying," Louise said. "No you're not. You're not staying in here and perving on my boyfriend. Now move," she said, tugging at Louise until she stood up and walked off with her muttering. Shit! I privately thought to myself. I'll never hear then end of this if they're both bigger than me. "Alright, so how are we gonna do this?" John asked. "Just pull them down and see who has got the longest?" I suggested. It sounded painfully obvious to me. "Wait a minute," Alex said, waving his hand in the air. "You're gay," he said pointing to me. "Wow Alex, talk about pointing out the painfully obvious," I said, rolling my eyes. "But what's to say that you're not gonna get some sort of kick out of this?" John asked. "Trust me when I say this, the only kick I'm gonna get out of this is when I prove that height doesn't matter," I said, giving him a wink. "No way. Cause when you see my rippling torso and my hot rod, you're bound to get a stiffy. And then you'll end up bigger than us two," Alex pointed out. "Ripping torso?" I replied, flabbergasted that Alex could even suggest such a thing. "When did you get that? When you were sat on the couch playing Halo?" "No, this won't do." Alex said shaking his head violently from side to side. "I've got an idea." John said. "What if we all get hard? Then it won't matter if Jamie's getting turned on cause we'll all be in the same boat?" "I won't get hard," I protested. I didn't have any feelings towards Alex or John but those of friendship. That being said though, they were hot and I probably would end up firming up even if it was just a bit. "How the hell are we gonna get hard standing in a room with just Jamie?" Alex said. "Maybe if we asked Jamie to turn round? With that long hair, from the back I'm sure we could trick ourselves into thinking he's a hot bird." John suggested. He and Alex began to snicker. "Fuck you, John," I said, giving him the finger. "We're about to see who's the biggest man in here." "I've got an idea," John began. "REBECCA!" He shouted. "What?" came the reply from the kitchen. "We need your help in here." "John I am not coming in there and measuring who has the biggest dick!" she shouted back angrily. "I will!" we all heard Louise shout. "We don't want you to measure, we just need you to come in here and flash a bit of boob so Alex and I can get hard and beat Jamie." There was a deft silence while I'm sure everyone was trying their best not to explode with laughter. "John... so help me god, your drink better have been spiked or you better have been taking drugs cause if you're serious, I'm gonna crush your balls into dust." Alex and I burst with laughter! So much so that we were literally rolling around the floor, pointing at John and calling him all the stupid bastards under the sun. "Fine!" John shouted back. "You can come back in, all bets are off then!" he shouted in disgust. The kitchen door opened and in came the troupe. "What did I miss?" Louise pressed. "Who was the biggest? Was it really Jamie?" "Of course," I said, smiling from ear to ear. "No it wasn't, we never measured," Alex said sitting down. I took the same spot that I had the last time, hoping that Ryan would sit next to me again, but not too close. "How convenient for the demi-man, Alex," I said, as Ryan sat back down almost on top of me. I moved away slightly and gave him a small smile. I didn't want him to think I was having second thoughts about us; I just wasn't big on him sitting too close to me in front of everyone. I moved my hands towards his wristbands to touch them and show some affection, but before my fingertips even brushed against the cotton Ryan snapped his hands away to his side and shot me a look of disgust and alarm. I immediately felt intimidated. What had I done? I was only trying to touch him to let him know that I like him but wasn't OK with too much affection in front of everyone. I looked back at Alex. "Fuck you Jamie... fuck you," Alex said. We sat around until the small hours of the morning when we were all drunk. I barely looked in Ryan's direction again; I was completely baffled at what I had done. Rebecca had been sleeping on John's shoulder for a while but John refused to get up and put her to bed claiming she was a lightweight and would be fine where she was. Eventually Danny stood up and announced he was going home. Louise and Ryan decided to follow suit. John picked Rebecca up and carried her to his room and everyone filtered out of the door until it was only Ryan and me left in the living room. You could cut the tension with a knife. "I'm drunk," Ryan announced. I couldn't help but smile. "Me too." "I'm sooooooo happy we're boyfriends, I really like you," Ryan gushed. I beamed back at him. "I'm happy too." "We'll talk tomorrow? Right?" Ryan asked. "Yeah." Ryan stepped towards me and planted his lips on mine. The kiss was a bit more drunken and sloppy but just as amazing as the last two. I loved how he wrapped his arms around me. It felt great to have this level of physical contact with anyone; it had been so long since I last touched another human being like this. After a few seconds of tongue action, Ryan broke the kiss and tried to nibble slightly on my lip before pulling away with it still in his mouth like he did earlier. But he was drunk and did so far too roughly; he bit down harshly on my lip and dragged his teeth along my lip causing me pain. If it weren't for the alcohol I would have screamed out, but it took a while for the pain to register in my mind and when it had, Ryan was standing in front of me smiling the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. My god this boy was so dreamy! "I'll see you tomorrow," he said as he backed up towards the exit of the living room. I smiled as he disappeared through the exit and into the hallway. I licked my bottom lip and could taste blood. He must have bitten down on me really hard to have made me bleed! And what the hell did I do to annoy him so much earlier on? The look he gave me was downright frightening! I sighed... who cares? I've got a boyfriend: a tall, beautiful guy who's as interested in me as I am him. Who cares if he's a little bit strange and a little bit moody? We had all been drinking tonight, I'm sure it was just something to do with him having too much to drink. I seem to remember him saying a while back that he doesn't drink too often. He was probably drunk... Hell, I'm drunk! I'm drunk on Ryan! To Be Continued... Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!!!