Date: Tue, 14 Jun 2011 11:25:25 +0100
From: Kyro Clark <kyro3@hotmail.co.uk>
Subject: Glitter And Trauma 5

==============================================================================
Disclaimer.

This story is a work of fiction although it is loosely based on the real
life experiences of the author.  This story contains graphical depictions
of sexual contact between two adult males. This story also contains harsh
language or swearing and depicts scenes of alcohol and drug use. It should
not be read by anyone where it is illegal to read such material and should
not be read by anyone under the age of 18.  The author retains the
copyright, and any other rights to this story. This story may not be
published, copied or redistributed in any way without the explicit consent
of the author.
=============================================================================

Authors note.

Hey!  I want to start off again by saying thanks to everyone who sent me
feedback. It's been quite a while since the last chapter and the main
reason for this is that I've had my end of semester university exams. At
one point I had 4 exams over the space of three days and one of them landed
on a Saturday! Anyway, studying for them has pretty much monopolised my
time and as such, I haven't been able to do some of the things that I enjoy
doing. Also, my dog broke my router a few weeks ago so it has taken me
forever to reply to some of the emails that some people had sent me.
Again, I apologise for this and I hope that I haven't missed anyone out,
but if I have, and you want to talk about the story or anything really,
just drop me another email and I promise I'll get back to you.  Thankfully,
my exams are over now :D and I can continue writing my story.

A few people offered to edit for me and I'm really thankful that so many
people would be willing to give up their time. Guy was the first person to
email me and offer to edit and as such he's been lumped with the almost
unconquerable task of editing my work. Bad luck Guy!  I want to say a big
thanks though as you did a great job on a chapter that had me climbing the
walls!

This chapter has taken me so long to write and self-edit that I've already
finished the next 2 chapters. I can assure everyone that the next chapter
will be up much, much sooner. I don't want to give myself a deadline as I
tend to spend a variable amount of time self-editing and trimming.

Finally, if you have sent me an email at any point then your email address
has been added to my mailing list. It's basically a list of email addresses
which I will send a generic email to alerting people to the next chapter of
my story being posted. I'm not some evil company or conglomerate and would
never pass your email address on to anyone else. If you feel uneasy about
me saving your email address in my contacts list or you wish to be taken
off the list for whatever reason, just drop me an email letting me know. I
won't take it personally and I promise not to ask any questions :D.
Because I am sending out this generic email don't think that I will stop me
sending out the more personalised ones. It won't!

Send any feedback to:          kyro3@hotmail.co.uk      Thanks in advance :D
=============================================================================
Glitter & Trauma
Chapter 5 - Friends or Liars?
By Kyro

I woke up early on Wednesday after another torrid nights sleep. The same
dream seemed to be haunting me endlessly throughout the night. My only
respite was the semi-conscious state that I had become accustomed to over
the past few days. I heaved myself out of bed and dressed before I headed
out. Thankfully, I never ran into anyone. From my experiences of the past
few days it was clear to me that both Alex and John liked their beds, a
lot. I still hadn't spoken to Alex after our argument and I wasn't sure
whether or not he had calmed down any. The thought of not talking to Alex
as well as pretty much everyone else I knew made me feel miserable. It
seems every time I think I've hit rock bottom, I somehow manage to find a
shovel and start digging. I put the disagreement with Alex out of my
mind. I liked him, he was a good, reasonable guy and I'm sure if I sat down
and had a talk with him then I'd find out why he had such a problem with
Ben.

The icy wind cut through my very bones as I headed towards a paint store to
pick up some paint for my room, nothing too crazy, just a light shade of
grey. I also picked up some music magazines which I planned on decorating
one of my bedroom walls with. Once I had those, I went back to the flat and
dropped them off before I headed back out. There was a second hand shop
only a stone's throw away from the apartment which I thought I'd better
take a walk around. I was pretty depressed at the thought of buying some
furniture second hand. My family had always been poor, but times were never
so tough as to merit buying stuff second hand, at least, not that I can
remember. My stomach tightened at the thought.

I stepped inside the shop and I was immediately taken aback by how bright
it was. If I'm honest, I had some prejudices toward second hand shops. I
thought most of the stuff in them was either broken or useless but It turns
out I was wrong. Most of the stuff looked pretty decent. The knot of
anxiety in my stomach eased as I felt slightly more accepting and less
embarrassed about being in a second hand shop. I found a padded desk chair
that wasn't too expensive as well as some other things that I could use to
make my room feel a bit more homely; a lava lamp, one of those weird plasma
balls (or lightening in a globe as I liked to call them), a desk lamp, and
various other odds and ends. As I was walking to the cash desk my eye came
across something which had always intrigued me as a child but I had never
found the cash to buy.

A fish tank. Not one of those small, oval fish tanks with a tiny deep-sea
diver at the bottom that had barely enough room for a goldfish to swim
in. This was a big, deep, rectangular fish tank and it appeared to still
have the water pump and blue light with it. My heart leapt at the prospect
of owning it.

"How much is the fish tank?" I asked the old man behind the counter. He
looked like he had seen better days if I'm honest and seemed pretty upset
by my brusque tone.

"That thing? The water pump is broke, kinda makes it useless."

The second I found out the water pump was broken I knew I was buying it. I
absolutely loved fixing things. I loved fixing, tinkering, mending,
meddling and rebuilding. I was pretty damn good at it too.

"I'll give you twenty quid for it," I'm pretty sure it was worth a lot more
but the owner didn't seem to care for it.

"Didn't you hear me? It's broken." He replied sounding rather annoyed.

"I heard you, so how about it? Twenty quid for the tank, and the pump, and
the lid with the light attached." I was really hoping to get my money's
worth. I knew that if you wanted to care for the really cool fish, then you
had to have a water pump and a blue light.

"Sure, if you want." He said sounding surprised.

"Sweet" I replied.

It took me two trips to get all the stuff back to the flat which was no
mean feat considering the strength of the wind. At one point I thought I
was going to be blown away (and probably would have been had it not been
for the added weight of the fish tank.) When I got back from my second
trip, I put all the stuff I had bought into the middle of the room. My
little shopping spree had cost me, but I knew I had enough money to cover
the rent that I had promised Alex. At the end of every month, I received a
bursary from the government for attending university. Just one benefit of
staying in a left wing country.  I would have to use that to live on over
the next few months. I just hope that it'll be enough.

I spent most of the day painting and thankfully wasn't disturbed. The back
and forth strokes of the paintbrush helped soothe and calm my mind and
soon, my thoughts drifted off to the situation with Alex. I don't want to
sound arrogant, but I count myself as quite an intelligent person. It was
therefore really annoying me that I was totally at a loss as to why Alex
seemed so disparaging towards Ben. What was I missing? I felt torn about
the situation. Alex was my friend. He helped me out when I was most in
need. But from what I saw, it was him who had the problem with Ben and not
the other way round. Ben on the other hand, was hardly a friend. Sure, we
had started to become friends, but I wasn't as close to him as I was to
Alex. It was difficult to take Ben's side against Alex, even if I did think
he was in the right.

I finished painting the walls and the ceiling and decided to go for a
run. I could always finish painting the skirting another time. I went into
the toilet to clean myself up before heading out. In my haste to get out
the door without meeting anyone, I went careering straight into John as I
came out of the bathroom. It was like hitting a wall.

"Shit, sorry, I didn't see you there," I apologised.

"Don't sweat it. Where've you been? Not seen you in a few days?" He
questioned.

"I've just been busy. I've been doing some painting and stuff."

It wasn't exactly a lie. More like an omission of the fact that I was
avoiding Alex and ergo John as they would more than likely be sitting
together in the living room.

"I didn't even hear you come in last night, you must have been like some
sort of ninja," he laughed while walking past me into the toilet.

"Yeah," I said while walking back to my room.

I quickly changed into my running clothes and took off out the door to
begin my jog. The wind had died down exponentially and it had turned into
quite a mild but sunny day as I trudged through the park. It's said that
only in this country can you get the four seasons in one day. I jogged down
some of the dirt paths that were becoming more familiar to me and the
continuous sound of my feet padding against the dirt brought a sense of
calm over me that I hadn't felt in a while. After an hour I realised that I
was physically exhausted and in no condition to run, so I stopped and took
a seat on the nearest park bench. I looked at my watch, it was nearly seven
o'clock. The sun was still pretty high in the sky. Wednesday night. I
thought about what my friends would usually be doing on a Wednesday night.

"Not much," I laughed as I said the words aloud.

But that was just it; it was the menial interactions with my friends that I
was really missing. Even if it was just us sitting around arguing over
something as stupid as who would win a one arm boxing match between Andy
Murray and Rafael Nadal. I sighed heavily as I surveyed the park.

The trees were tall and lush and as I watched them blow gently in the wind,
I began to envy them.  They had no problems; they had no sexuality issues;
they didn't have to attend university with a bunch of people who thought
they were morally and intellectually superior just because they had more
money than most; they didn't have a single care or worry in the world
except for whether it was going to rain in the next few weeks or so. I
snorted aloud at my own stupidity.

I sat in the park for a few hours watching the people jogging and walking
their dogs. Everyone going about their normal day to day lives made me feel
so envious and insignificant. My life had been turned upside
down. Everything that I had once deemed important, even pivotal, was
gone. And yet, the world kept spinning. People kept on going as if nothing
had happened. And nothing had happened as far as most people were
concerned. No one seemed to care that I was at rock bottom.  No one seemed
to care that I didn't have anywhere to turn. My heart sank in my chest at
the thought. I felt worse now than I did when I woke up earlier this
morning. I knew I was starting to become depressed, but all this
realisation did was depress me further.

I stood up and began walking back to the flat. It took me half an hour as I
had stopped running in the middle of the park. When I opened the door to
the flat Alex was just coming out of the toilet.

"Hey, do you have five minutes, I wanna talk to you about yesterday," he
said.

I know that I should have found the time to talk to him. I know that he was
probably extending the olive branch and was possibly going to explain why
he seemed to have such pent up hate for Ben, but at that moment, I felt so
down about myself that I just didn't want any human interaction.

"I don't feel too good Alex, is there any chance it can wait til tomorrow?
I just wanna go to bed," I said whilst walking past him into my bedroom. He
didn't reply so I'm pretty sure that was a yes.

I climbed into bed and pulled the duvet over my head. I just wanted the day
to end.

*

"Jamie! Jamie! Are you going in for this lecture?"

I woke with a start and looked around me. The duvet and sheets were stuck
to my sweat drenched body as my heart thumped in my chest.

"Jamie!" I heard Alex call again from outside the room door.

"Shit Alex, I've slept in, I'll get you at the next lecture."

"Why don't you just throw on some clothes and go to this lecture? We've
still got 15 minutes or so until it starts?"

I peeled the duvet off my body and stepped out of bed. I swayed slightly as
I found my balance. I hadn't noticed until I climbed into bed last night
that I hadn't eaten anything all day yesterday. I'm pretty sure that's why
I felt so weak and ravenously hungry at the moment.

"I wanna get a shower first; I'll catch up with you later."

"You're not avoiding me are you?" Alex asked.

"Avoiding you?" I asked questioningly, hoping to convince him that I
wasn't. "No, I've just been busy and I've really slept in."

I heard Alex make a non-committal grunt and then march out the front
door. I sighed to myself. I had spent most of the night somewhere between
sleeping and waking. I think the time had come to admit to myself that this
wasn't just a dream, but a nightmare. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure my
subconscious is telling me something. As to what that is, I have no idea.

"Jesus, when did I become so stupid?" I said aloud to myself.

The lack of sleep, anxiety and the startled awakenings were only further
fuelling the nightmare. I felt so exhausted. Not just physically, but
mentally too. Everything was getting to me. I could feel myself falling
into a stupor. I could feel depression seductively tightening its fingers
around me. The last thing I needed right now was to take to my bed
depressed. Especially with that nightmare haunting my dreams.

I went for a quick shower and dressed myself before I changed the sheets on
the bed. I made a point of eating some cereal before heading out. I had
about 5 minutes before the next lecture started.

When I got to the lecture hall most of the class were already there. I
didn't want to talk to anyone, and this definitely wasn't the place to talk
to Alex so I sat down the front of the lecture room. I knew Alex would
probably be sitting near the middle or the back. That's where we usually
sat. I sat through the lecture in a daze. I wasn't thinking about anything
in particular. The lecture just seemed to be over as soon as it had
begun. I stood up and started to gather my things.

I sneaked out of the lecture room and made my way to the next lecture. I
was one of the first people in the lecture room and again I sat near the
front hoping to be left alone. My plan failed though as I felt someone sit
down on my left. I turned around to see Alex sitting there looking pretty
upset.

"Hey," I said trying to take his temperature.

"I saw that you made it to the last lecture, why did you sit down the
front?"

He asked the question not in an accusing tone, but in one of confusion and
annoyance.

"I dunno, I didn't see you when I walked in so I just decided to sit near
the front."

I don't think he believed me. Our conversation was interrupted as I felt
someone else sit down this time to my right. From the look on Alex's face I
had a pretty good idea who it was.

"Hey Jamie, Alex, how's things?" Ben said in a particularly cheery
mood. That won't last long I thought bitterly. Sitting with me and Alex was
bound to kill anyone's mood.

"Morning." I replied with Alex making absolutely no indication that he had
even heard Ben.

I sighed at the thought of another confrontation between Alex and Ben.

"I didn't see you at the lectures this morning?" Ben said.

"I made the second one but slept in for the first," I said.

"Oh, cool. I was wondering if you were up to anything on Friday or
Saturday? There's this movie I wanna go see. It looks pretty sweet, but I
don't wanna go to the cinema myself."

"Yeah sure, just whatever night suits you," I said almost robotically.

"Cool, there's a showing at half 8 tomorrow night if that suits you?"

"Yeah sounds good." I said without really thinking about what I was saying.

"You can't go tomorrow." Alex said.

"What? Why not?" I asked a little taken aback.

"Because you promised John that you would let him throw you a flat
welcoming party."

I had completely forgotten all about the party and now it was only a day
away. I had absolutely no way of getting out of it. This could possibly be
the most embarrassing night of my life. I had no one to invite. Not one
single friend. Up until that point, I had been able to stave off my
emotions. I had been relatively successful at not contemplating the gravity
of the situation, but right there, right then, I was overcome with a
feeling of shear and utter loneliness.

"A party?" Ben said questioningly.

I was awash with emotions at that moment. I thought about how I could get
out of the party.

"Yeah, it's just a low-key get together. Not really a party." I heard Alex
saying.

Jesus Christ how was I going to get out of this party. I mean, who turns up
to their own party with no friends?

"Oh." I heard Ben replying.

I turned to Ben and saw how hurt he looked. He was looking down and
scribbling on his pad. I turned round to look at Alex and he had a look on
his face that just screamed, "Don't be fooled by him."

I just couldn't deal with this situation at the moment. I couldn't deal
with Alex, I couldn't deal with Ben, and I couldn't deal with having to
look like an idiot in front of Alex and John's friends just because I
didn't want to disappoint John. A guy who I've only known for 5 minutes. I
stood up.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked.

"I'm not feeling well; I'm heading back to the flat. See you later." I said
while pushing past Alex.

"What about the pictures?" Ben asked.

"I dunno I'll speak to you tomorrow," I mumbled before walking off.

I walked back to the flat, went into my room and shut the door. My mind was
racing as I tried to figure out a way to get out of this party without
hurting John's feelings. It wasn't fair that I would screw him over by not
showing up, but I didn't have anyone to go with that I could talk
to. Perhaps I would feel slightly more willing to go if I hadn't just had
an argument with Alex. I was tempted to invite Ben but I saw the look on
Alex's face and thought that it was best not to further aggravate the
situation by inviting him. I had been put in a difficult situation and I
just didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it at the moment.

I sighed to myself as I picked up a paintbrush, opened a tin of paint and
began putting the finishing touches to the room. I had to take my mind of
everything and I hoped that painting the room would do so in the same way
that going for a jog did. All that I had to do was put a coat of paint on
the skirting and around the doorframe and that would be me done. I could
feel some of the tensions easing away as I moved the brush back and
forth. It's pretty dumb really. None of my problems had been solved. None
of them had even developed or changed in any way, but just pushing them
from the forefront of my mind helped make them seem somewhat less
overwhelming.

Once I had finished painting, I decided to mix up some wall paper paste and
began to put some posters on the wall. I tore the posters out of magazines
and made sure to leave the corners looking ragged as I stuck them to the
biggest wall in the room. I also made sure to overlap and make them hang at
different angles. I had been at the painting and pasting for a few hours
when I heard someone come into the flat. I wasn't sure if it was Alex or
John but I didn't really want to see either of them, at least until I came
up with an excuse as to why I wouldn't be going to the party tomorrow.  I
heard a knock on my room door. I clenched my fists and looked towards the
ceiling exasperatedly.

"Jamie, you awake?" Came Alex's voice from the other side of the door.

I walked over to the door and opened it up before stepping through it. I
didn't want to invite Alex into my room. It was still really messy with all
the stuff I bought sitting in the middle of the room not to mention the
various assortment of torn magazines, paint tins and wallpaper paste lying
around.

"Hey." I said in a pretty deep voice.  It didn't sound like my voice and
the change in tone did not go unnoticed by Alex as I saw him frown at me.

"Have you eaten yet?" Alex asked.

"Em, no. What time is it?" I asked making a point to speak in a tone more
like my normal one.

"It's just after four. I know it's a little early but do you fancy getting
something to eat?"

I knew that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make things up with Alex
twice. "Yeah, sure, sounds good. Just let me change first," I said before
heading into my room and putting on a fresh pair of dark grey skinny jeans
and a white t-shirt with a black print on it. I pulled on a pair of black
and white converse and headed out my room to find Alex standing in the
hallway.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yep, let's go."

"Eh, just where is it we're going exactly?" I asked while walking out the
front door.

"This café around the corner which sells, quite simply, the best fish and
chips ever to have been conceived by any mind, anywhere in the world,
ever."

"Of course." I replied with a grin merging on my face.

"Listen Jamie, about Ben and about what happened two days ago, I firstly
wanna say I'm sorry. I got pretty angry and lost my temper. After that I
just acted completely immature."

"It's cool, don't worry about it." I said before nudging my shoulder into
his arm. If I was taller I would have nudged my shoulder against his
shoulder, but Alex was too tall for me. He looked down at me when I did
this and a smile broke out across his face.

"But can I just say for the record, that I still don't like Ben and I think
he's just using you as someone to hang with because he doesn't have any
friends."

"Is that the only reason you hate Ben?" I couldn't help but feel that
Alex's hatred for Ben seemed to run much deeper.

"Yes." Alex answered a little too quickly.

"Alex, I'm your friend, if you've got a problem with Ben besides the fact
that you think he's using me; then tell me. You know you can confide in me
and I'd never breathe a word of it to Ben or anyone else for that matter."

"I don't have any other problem with Ben than that," Alex said indignantly
while stepping into the café.

"Okay, so you don't mind if I invite him to the party tomorrow night?"

Alex looked down at me with his brow furrowed clearly torn between not
wanting to tell me his real reason for hating Ben, and not wanting Ben to
come to the party. He had to give ground on one of these fronts and I
really wasn't sure which one he was going to concede on.

"Look Alex, you know a little bit about my situation at home. My other home
I mean. Not the flat.  The truth is, I don't have that many people who I
think would like to show up tomorrow night. It would be pretty embarrassing
if it was John and his friends; and you and your friends; and then just me
by myself." I looked down at the ground embarrassed when I finished
speaking.

We took our seats as Alex sat across from me. I made a subtle movement with
my head so as to move my hair in front of my face.

"You're my mate, so you wouldn't be yourself. But I can see your point. You
can invite Ben if you want, it's your flat too, but if he shows up in a
helicopter with two leggy blondes on each arm then I swear to god, I won't
be held responsible for what I'll do to him," Alex said while trying to
fake anger but instead a grin was spreading across his face.

"Thanks." I said returning his grin. "And do you promise to at least be
civil towards him?"

"Maybe." He said with a wry grin across his face.

"Better than nothing I suppose."

*

I woke up shivering and wet in a darkened room. I realised where I was and
knew that I had had the same nightmare again. Why was I finding it so
difficult to sleep right through the night? I was so exhausted that sleep
should be the one thing that comes easy to me at the moment. I rolled out
of bed and pulled on my jeans and t shirt that I wore yesterday to try and
heat myself up and stop myself from shivering. The carpet felt warm and
inviting on my bare feet. I sat down on the edge of my bed and looked at
the clock I bought for the bedside cabinet. It wasn't even six o'clock
yet. This was going to be a long day.

My first lecture wasn't until nine but I was just too tired to go for a
jog. I thought about trying to go back to sleep but truthfully, I was still
unnerved from my last bout with my nightmare. I looked around at the
room. I had finished decorating last night and had begun to put some of the
things in their new places. The desk now had a chair. There were a few
lamps to give the room some light and an alarm clock to help wake me up for
university in the morning although that wasn't really necessary at the
moment. I looked across at the fish tank sitting on top of the chest of
drawers. I suppose fixing the water pump would help keep my mind
occupied. I grabbed the water pump and made my way into the kitchen. I
poured myself some coffee and found the drawer where Alex kept his
screwdrivers and other tools.

As I sat at the table disassembling the water pump and sipping on my coffee
I began to think about the party tonight. I had agreed to go last night
mainly because Alex said he was okay with me inviting Ben. Well, maybe
saying he was okay with it was stretching the truth a bit, but he did say
that I could invite him. The thought never occurred to me though that Ben
may be busy. He may even be pretty pissed at Alex and not want to come. I
put that out of my mind, there was no way of knowing that until I asked Ben
later today.

After a few coffees and several misplaced screws later, I decided I would
have to finish fixing the water pump another time and went to get
dressed. I decided I would shower later before the party as opposed to just
now. When I came out of my room I met John heading to the kitchen in just a
pair of shorts. Wow did he have a great body. It was quite unbelievable to
think that a biology student could look like John. I mean, where was the
glasses? Where were the braces? I know these were just stereotypes, but
when you see John in the flesh, he really gets your mind racing. I wouldn't
say he was my type, but just seeing him has made me open my mind up to
dating more muscly guys.

"You ready for tonight? This could get messy." He said while we walked
towards the kitchen.

"Could?" I replied while smiling at him.

"Now that's what I like to hear!"

We both began laughing as we entered the kitchen. I sat down at the table
with another coffee and John fixed himself some cereal. Just then Alex
walked in.

"What were you two laughing at?" Alex asked.

"Jamie has laid down the gauntlet for tonight. Sobriety will not be
tolerated in any shape or form and anyone found to be practicing this
heinous religion will be dealt with swiftly and justly," John said before
shovelling more cereal into his mouth.

"And what is this 'just' punishment you have in mind for these heathens?"
Alex asked while making himself some cereal.

"Hmmm," John began rubbing his chin as if he was deep in
thought. "Permanent expulsion from the premises." He said before nodding
profusely.

"A lifetime ban?" Alex said while faking shock.

"Yep, we don't want there to be an uprising." John said.

"Jesus, remind me never to play Risk with you two," I said faking shock as
well.

We all began laughing at the situation.

"So I'm pretty sure my little brother and a few of his friends are
coming. And about five or six of my mates are coming too. I take it it'll
just be the usual people from your end Alex," John said.

Alex nodded as he had a mouthful of cereal.

"So how many of your mates are gonna be here tonight Jamie? Any of them of
the other sex?" He asked while wiggling his eyebrows. I gave him a small
smile before shaking my head.

"Nope, they're all male, and I think it'll only be a few. Two or three
tops."

I knew that I would be lucky if I could get one person to turn up, but I
didn't feel as worried about this today as I did yesterday. Knowing that
Alex would be around was enough to make me feel okay about the whole
situation.

"We'd better get going if we don't wanna be late," Alex said.

"True, See you later," I said while standing up.

"Later." John said.

Alex and I were about halfway to university when he again broached the
subject of Ben.

"So are you gonna ask Ben to the party tonight?"

"Yep, are you gonna try and be civil or am I gonna spend the majority of
the day refereeing you two?"

"Yep."

I looked up at him while shaking my head and laughing.

"You're a dick you know that?"

"Yep."

When we made it to our lecture I saw Ben sitting near the middle row. He
saw me walk in with Alex and immediately looked back down at his notebook.

"I suppose you wanna go sit next to Ritchie Rich?" Alex asked with a heavy
dose of sarcasm in his voice.

"Pretty much, and remember, civil Alex, civil." I repeated to emphasise my
point.

"Yes sir." Alex mocked while giving me a fake salute.

I know I wasn't helping the situation, but it was funny, so I couldn't help
but laugh at him. We walked up to the same row as Ben and I sat down next
to him with Alex sitting on my left. Ben looked happy to see us, excited
even, and then his facial expressions changed almost instantaneously. It
was as if someone had just killed his dog before his very eyes. I looked
round at Alex with a puzzled expression on my face and Alex merely shrugged
his shoulders. I frowned at him.  I hope Alex didn't say anything to Ben
yesterday after I left. I doubt it, Alex could be a little protective, at
least that's what I've discovered over the past few days, but I don't think
he's a nasty person. I really couldn't see him threatening or harassing
anyone.

"Morning," I said to Ben hoping to get a conversation started.

"Morning," he mumbled back at me while he scribbled on his pad. He was
always scribbling and doodling.

"So, I wasn't feeling very well yesterday and had to leave when we were
talking, are you still up for going to the pics?" I asked.

"Tonight?" Ben asked while looking at me.

"Eh, no, I've kinda got this 'welcome to the flat' party thing tonight, so
I was thinking we could go to the pictures on Saturday and if you weren't
busy, you could come to this party tonight."

"Are you sure?" Ben asked.

"Em...yes." I said while raising my eyebrow a bit perplexed. I hope this
wasn't anything to do with Alex.

"Okay then. Cool." He said with a smile breaking out across his face.

I couldn't help but smile back. He had a really warm smile. I gave Ben
details of how to get to the flat but he still wasn't sure of the exact
whereabouts. So I gave him my number and told him to phone me if he got
lost. The rest of the day went by okay. I think this was partly due to the
amount of coffee I had consumed, and partly due to the fact that Alex and
Ben didn't have any arguments. They never really interacted with each
other, but as long as there weren't any arguments, then I wasn't
complaining.

*

"Jesus Jamie, hurry the fuck up, there's a few people here and they want to
know who and where you are?" John shouted from the other end of my door.

I looked at the clock on my bedside table. It wasn't even nine o'clock
yet. Who turns up to a party before nine? These rich kids really ought to
get out more I thought and had a small chuckle to myself. I was almost
ready. I decided to wear a black beanie hat. And from there I dressed
myself.  Not exactly the norm. Dressing yourself so as to be able to wear a
certain accessory, but my hair was just getting out of control and a hat
was becoming a necessity. I decided to wear a pair of black skinny denims
with a red shirt which had a small black pin stripe in it. I was still in
the process of tying my black and white converse when John interrupted me
screaming for me to hurry up.

I finished tying my laces when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. A shot
of adrenaline blasted through my system. I hadn't had one phone call since
I left home almost a week ago. Could this be from my family? Or from my
friends? A mixture of both excitement and fear forced me to take my mobile
out of my pocket. I looked at the screen. Ben. I forgot I gave him my
number. A mixture of both relief and frustration washed over me.

"Hello," I answered the phone rather aggressively.

"Geez, is that the way you always answer your phone?"

I wasn't really in the mood to be lectured.

"Are you lost?" I asked hoping to move the conversation along.

"No, I'm not lost." Ben answered indignantly. "I just don't know where your
flat is."

"Right," I answered sarcastically. "Where are you?"

"I don't know." He replied.

"Hmm, I'm pretty sure that's the textbook definition of lost." I poked.

"Whatever, I'm in the middle of the park next to a statue of a Lion eating
a squirrel or something."  He said with the frustration plain to hear in
his voice.

I laughed out loud at his description of one of my favourite statues.

"It's a tigress you idiot and she's not eating a squirrel, she's bringing a
peacock home for her cubs to eat."

"I can't explain how little I care about this at the moment, it's freezing
out here." He replied with just a hint of hysteria present in his voice.

"Okay, okay, I'll be there in 10 minutes. Just stay where you are." I said.

"Okay, fine, bye."

I grabbed a jacket and thought about grabbing Ben one as well, but the
thought occurred to me that most of my jackets would be too small for
him. I opened my door to find John standing there.

"Finally, my little brother is here with a few of his friends," he gave me
an exaggerated wink as he said the words friends which I took to mean that
they were gay. "And they want to meet you."

"Eh, cool, I'll meet them in 10 minutes, one of my friends is lost in the
park and I'm gonna go get him." I said while stepping out the front
door. "I'll see you in five."

I walked out into the cold night. It was getting dark but the night wasn't
at a full just yet. I walked through the park looking slowly, almost
hesitantly. I had run through this park many times but this was the first
time I had travelled through it at night. The trees were rustling and
blowing in the wind and the dirt was swirling around me as I walked down
the path towards where Ben was.  The wind howled in my ears as I turned the
corner. The density of the trees made this part of the park look even
darker. I could see in the distance, thanks to a lamppost which overhung
the statue, the silhouette of what I assumed to be Ben. As I got closer I
couldn't help but notice how hot Ben looked and how good he smelled.

"Hey! Get lost did we?" I teased.

"I don't wanna hear a word." He said while we bumped fists.

He was wearing a black Hugo Boss t-shirt with a pair of Navy blue denims
and a pair of Black Prada shoes. The outfit just screamed classy. I laughed
inwardly as I noticed he didn't have any jumper or jacket.

"Has anyone arrived at the party yet?" He asked.

"Em I dunno, I had just finished getting ready when you rang. It's not
really a party. More like a small gathering. I know a few people are there
already. One or two of them are even gay." I said while flashing Ben a
grin.

"Really," Ben uttered while he contemplated what I just said. He looked
pretty lost in thought.  "What do they look like?" He asked.

"I dunno, as I said, I haven't met them yet. But I'm sure you'll be beating
them off with a stick."

"Beating them off eh. You have a very high opinion of me don't you?" He
said while grinning.

I chuckled at his innuendo before rolling my eyes. When we made it back to
the flat, it was almost half past nine. I opened the door to the living
room to find that it was packed. There must have been thirty people in
here.

"Just a, 'small gathering' eh?" Ben quoted my own words back to me.

I walked into the kitchen to try and find John or Alex. The kitchen was
thankfully less crowded and I noticed both of them were standing by the
sink talking to four or five other people in a circle.

"Jesus, I thought this was going to be a quiet night. I think you've
managed to cram half the neighbourhood into the living room." I said while
looking at John.

"Weyhey, there's the man of the hour. Jamie, I want you to meet my
friends. Jamie, this is my girlfriend Rebecca and my friends Louise, Danny
and Ryan.

I gave them all a quick glance and said the usual nice to meet you but my
heart stopped at the last person who John had introduced. It was Ryan. The
same unbelievably hot Ryan who was on the same course as me. John was
standing slightly in front of me so I couldn't really see Rebecca or Louise
but unfortunately I was in clear sight of both Danny and Alex. I'm pretty
sure both of them could see me staring at Ryan. He was wearing his
customary skinny grey denims and a plain white t- shirt with a large v
neck. I think my heart skipped a beat at the sight of his bare neck and his
smooth exposed chest.

"Ryan and Danny are on the same course as us," Alex said snapping me out of
my shocked state of mind.

"Yeah, I think I've seen you and Alex around a few times," Danny said while
nodding at me.

I heard someone cough behind me and then I remembered Ben.

"Oh, right, em everyone this is Ben, Ben this is John, my roommate, and his
friends. He's on the same course as us as well." I said to Danny and Ryan.

It was obvious that Danny felt the same way about Ben as Alex did because
the mere introduction of Ben made Danny's face harden.

"Nice to meet you," everyone chorused.

"So where's the Gin?" I asked. If I was going to have to suffer through
this party, then you can be damn sure that I wasn't doing it sober.

"Not so fast, Rebecca has made her own wine." John said while handing me
and Ben glasses of something red and murky. It swirled around the glass
slowly indicating that it was pretty thick.

"Oh, er, thanks." I said while looking around at everyone. Alex had a look
of shear panic on his face.  He was very slightly shaking his head from
side to side while widening his eyes trying to tell me not to drink the
wine but also trying not to let everyone know he was telling me this.

Everyone was quiet. I think they expected me to drink it right now. I
wasn't sure how bad it could be.  I took a large mouthful of the liquid
into my mouth and immediately knew how wrong I was. The liquid was thick
and had a texture to it, almost as if it had pulp in it. The pulpy
substance tasted as if it had turned sour, like vinegar. Sour, pulpy,
yeasty vinegar. I immediately smiled and then when John began talking to
Rebecca I casually spat the wine back into the glass and grimaced.

When I wiped the tears from my eyes I saw both Ryan and Ben silently
laughing at me. A nervous smile spread across my face as I became
embarrassed at what I had just done. Thankfully no one else seemed to have
noticed. John invited us into the living room but I declined and stayed in
the kitchen with Ben. I promised to meet his brother and his friends
later. When everyone else had left I poured the wine down the sink.

"Jesus, there isn't a planet in this universe where that could be
considered wine. There isn't even a planet in this universe where that
could be considered drinkable." I said while washing my glass out.

Ben threw his glass down the sink after me. We stayed in the kitchen for a
while talking about university stuff before Ben changed the subject.

"So, what's the deal with you and this Ryan guy?"

"What? What do you mean?" I asked hoping that he wasn't going where I think
he was going with this conversation.

"Well, when you were introduced to him, you sort of stared at him for a
while as if he was your long lost puppy."

"I did not. What are you talking about?"

"Hey, I'm just saying that you weren't exactly subtle that's all."

"Ben, I've told you already, I'm not gay."

I don't know why I was continuing to lie to Ben. I had invited him to this
party as a friend and he had already told me he was gay. Surely there
wasn't any reason why I couldn't tell him? But I just couldn't shake this
uneasy feeling that it was a bit too soon. I knew Ben was becoming a
friend. And he obviously trusted me, but I wasn't ready to tell him all
about me just yet.

"Well whatever your reason for staring at him is, I suggest you turn your
gawking down a notch or two."

"Whatever," was the only reply I could think of at the moment. I knew Ben
was right but I didn't want to relive one of my less than finer moments.

"Should we head into the living room?" Ben suggested.

"Yeah."

We walked into the living room and found a few seats near the window. This
party wasn't like any other party I'd been to. Usually when me and my
friends get together, we tend to be pretty noisy and boisterous. There are
usually a few bottles of Jagermeister involved and a great deal of
laughing.  This party wasn't like that. It was restrained. Everyone seemed
to be trying to stay...reserved. It was as if they didn't want to get
drunk, but they didn't want to seem uncool and not drink either. I wondered
for a second whether John had threatened people with 'expulsion from the
premises' and that's why they were drinking. Maybe they didn't normally
drink. I downed my gin in one.

"I'm going to get another." I said to Ben before standing up and heading to
the kitchen. As I walked in I saw Danny, Ryan and Louise standing in the
corner talking. Danny was speaking pretty loudly and I unconsciously began
to listen to what he had to say as I poured myself another drink.

"That guy is so up his own ass. He turns up to uni every day in a fucking
Porsche." Danny said.

"I dunno, I think he's smoking hot." Louise said.

"Don't tell me you like him as well Ryan." Danny said.

At this point I looked up from my drink to where the three of them were
standing and I could see Ryan staring at me. My natural instinct was
telling me to look away, especially after Ben mentioned that I was staring
at him before, but for once I didn't look away, I stared straight back at
him. This wasn't the same kind of stare I gave him as the last time. This
was more of a, 'wow, I guess you aren't the kind of guy I thought you were'
kind of stare. Danny and Louise turned around to see who Ryan was staring
at but I didn't break eye contact with Ryan. I hadn't done anything wrong;
it was him and his friends who were gossiping and I wanted it to be him who
looked away first. He did. He looked down at his drink which I took as my
cue to leave.

I sat back down next to Ben and couldn't help but feel annoyed at him. I
had been harbouring a massive crush on Ryan for quite a while and my first
chance to really talk to him was ruined because I had become friends with
Ben. What the hell was I saying? I shook my head at what I had just been
thinking. This wasn't Bens fault, this was Ryan and the gossip merchants
fault. I felt disgusted at myself for what I had just been thinking. Here I
had someone who was wanting to be my friend, someone who had gone out of
his way to be nice to me, someone who had already shared something private
about himself with me, and I was wishing that I hadn't befriended him just
so I could get my rocks off with some hot guy who I didn't even know and
who, in all likelihood, was probably straight.

I looked up at Bens face. He was looking at a group of people who were
standing at the other end of the room. Most people would have thought that
he was looking at the girls, but I knew better. I smiled at that thought. I
watched Ryan and his friends leave the kitchen and sit down on the couch
near where we were sitting. The sight of those three made me clench my
fist.

"You're staring again." Ben said while smirking at me.

"I wasn't staring, let's go into the kitchen, I saw a bottle of
Jagermeister in there with our names on it." I said snappishly.

"Eh, okay." Ben said unsurely.

We walked into the kitchen and found it pretty empty with only Alex and a
girl standing in the corner talking pretty quietly. I thought it was best
not to interrupt as I'm pretty sure he was trying to pull her. I picked up
the bottle of Jagermeister and turned to look at Ben. He had 2 shot glasses
in each hand.

"What are you doing with those?" I asked.

"I thought we were doing shots?"

"You rich kids really are so prim and proper sometimes. Watch," I said as I
opened the bottle of jagermeister and took three large gulps. I handed the
bottle to Ben.

"Don't call me a rich kid alright," he said while taking the bottle off me
and taking a large gulp.

"Well you're definitely not poor." I pointed out. "And let's not pretend
you want to keep the fact that you have money a secret. You turn up to uni
every day in a Porsche for Christ's sake."

Ben smiled at me when I said this. "Let me ask you this, why don't you turn
up to uni in Porsche?"

"Because I am poor." I said bitterly before taking another gulp of
Jagermeister. I don't think Ben expected this kind of honesty from me and
looked a little taken aback for a few seconds before he recovered
himself. Alex gave me a wink as he and the girl he was talking to walked
past me. I smiled at his playful cheek.

"Okay, but if you weren't poor, and I'm not saying that you are, and you
could afford to drive to uni in a Porsche every day, why wouldn't you?" Ben
asked.

I looked at him for a few seconds unsure how to answer this.

"Okay, fair point." I conceded. "But you have to see that people resent you
for it," I pointed out.

"You said you were poor, and are you Mister Popular in our year?" Ben
asked.

"Okay, first of all, low- blow," I said and we both had a chuckle at
this. "And secondly, I don't know why the hell some people in our year seem
to dislike me."

"Okay, firstly, don't worry about them, they're just being stuck-up cliquey
elitists, and secondly, that's my point. People will be able to find a
hundred different reasons not to like someone if they really want to. The
fact that I drive a Porsche makes absolutely no difference at all. If I
didn't drive a Porsche, then people would just find another reason to
resent me."

"You know what it is they're saying about me don't you." I furrowed my brow
and concentrated on Ben's facial expression so I could tell if he was
lying.

"Nope." He said far too quickly as his eyes darted to the floor. "I've
gotta go to the bathroom, back in two."

"Convenient." I responded as he walked out of the kitchen leaving me alone.

I felt annoyed that Ben knew why a certain group of people seemed to
dislike and ridicule me. He supposedly wanted to be my friend; this is
exactly the sort of thing friends tell each other. They say ignorance is
bliss, I beg to differ. I took another gulp of the Jagermeister and then I
sat the bottle on the table so I could pour myself another gin. Just then I
saw Ryan walk into the kitchen and walk up to me with three glasses. He was
obviously in to get him and his friends some drinks.

"You look like you're hitting that Jagermeister pretty hard?" he said
sheepishly while reaching for the Vodka.

I didn't say anything; I didn't really have anything to say to this guy. It
had just become apparent to me that Ryan and his friends had prejudged Ben
the same way people at university had prejudged me. I know how that feels
and I know how hurtful that can be. Ben seemed to deal with this better
than me but that's not to say that it was acceptable, not by a long shot.

"I know you heard Danny having a bit of a go at your friend, but I promise
you he's not like that normally, he's just had a bit too much drink and
sometimes he says things he doesn't mean." Ryan said quietly.

"He didn't look drunk to me." I said in a pretty monotonous tone.

"Not drunk, just, you know, he's lost his inhibitions."

"Enough for him to speak his mind? I introduced Ben to you tonight so I
know you had never met him before. And within three or four minutes of you
meeting him you and your friends decided that he was, hmm what was that
quote again, yeah, he was, 'up his own ass.'" I added bitterly.

"It was just Danny that said that, not me and Louise. And I'm sorry you
heard that."

"But you're not sorry that Danny said that?" I pressed.

"What? Yes, of cou-"

"You've got your drinks; I think you should head back into the living room
now." I said while cutting him off.

A frown came over Ryan's face as he picked up the three drinks and headed
back into the living room. Alex walked in just as he was leaving.

"Hey, did you see that bird, man was she hot."

I arched my eyebrows in an attempt to remind him that I was gay and didn't
really want to go around rating women.

"Ahhh, good point." Alex said while smiling. "So where's Ben?"

"Toilet." I said while taking another gulp of Jagermeister.

"Someone's hitting the bottle pretty hard. Is Ben that bad?" Alex mocked
while taking the bottle off me and taking a large gulp himself.

"Don't start; I'm really not in the mood."

"Okay, so are you enjoying the party? I noticed you eye-raping that guy
Ryan earlier, are you thinking about trying your luck with him?"

I frowned at Alex's choice of words. "Nope." I said simply. "When I find a
guy to jump, I'm gonna make sure he isn't a stuck-up elitist son of a bitch
first before I make my move."

"That's always a good idea." Alex said.  We both burst out laughing.

We spent the next hour or so sitting in the kitchen pretty much drinking
ourselves silly. This wasn't the first time me and Alex had done this. Not
by any stretch of the imagination. I prided myself on being able to handle
more alcohol than Alex even though he was close to twice my size. Being
able to out-drink him definitely gave me some much needed macho points. I
was beginning to wonder where Ben had got to when he came back into the
kitchen. He sat down opposite me and I noticed his eyes were bloodshot.

"Jesus Ben," I began sniggering. "Where you smoking a spliff or something?"
I asked.

"No." Ben said rather dejectedly. I could tell something was wrong.

"What's up? Your eyes look red. Oh no, you didn't spew after the
Jagermeister did you?" I began sniggering again and this time Alex joined
in.

"No". He plainly said again.

"Then what's up?" I asked this time with a little alarm in my voice.

"Nothing, can we just leave it?" Ben asked.

 "Fine by me." Alex interjected. I shot him a warning glance. He looked
unfazed and merely took another drink.

"Did someone say something to you?"  I asked Ben. My thoughts went back to
the conversation I overhead with Ryan and his friends.

"I said can we leave it," Ben pleaded with a hint of frustration.

"Who cares anyway? It's probably something stupid like his dad lost a
couple of million on the stock market or even worse, maybe someone has
keyed his Porsche. Oh no." Alex mocked.

"You know Alex, I don't know what your problem with me is, but you can go
fuck yourself. I've done nothing but try and get along with you from day
one and you've done nothing but give me bitchy comments. You think you're
superior to me because you're poor? You think everybody who has money is a
fucking miser who likes drowning cats? Do you know what your problem is?
You're just a fucked up reverse elitist." Ben spat while standing up. I
stood up too as did Alex.

"Jesus Christ Ben, that's a bit harsh for fucks sake." I tried to reason.

"Oh, of course you take his fucking side, he's done nothing but give me
shit since the moment I've met him and all you've done is just sit by and
watch. And now you go one step further and defend him. And as if that isn't
bad enough, you let me think that I'm your friend when the whole time
you've been fucking lying to me." Ben was practically shouting now.

I furrowed my brow at his last comment.

"Yeah, that's right, I heard you talking to Alex earlier, talking about
'finding the right guy to jump'. I thought we were friends, but you just
bare face lied to me."

"Really, you thought we were friends?" I spat back. "Then why the fuck do
you keep lying to me?"

"Me lying to you? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about. 'they're just being
stuck-up cliquey elitists'" I quoted his words back to him. "How do you
know that if you don't know what they're saying about me?!" Now it was me
who was practically shouting.

My anger and my argument seemed to have caught him off guard. He paused for
a second and looked like he had something to say, but he didn't, he turned
on his heels and walked out the kitchen door past John, Rebecca, Louise,
Ryan and Danny who all stood there watching.

"Is everything okay?" John asked.

"What a stupid fucking question." I said before opening the second bottle
of Jagermeister and sitting down at the table.

I saw the troupe at the door leave and Alex came and sat down opposite me.

"I guess most people know I'm gay now?" I said.

"Do you really care?" Alex asked.

"No," I said defeated.

We sat there for the next half an hour as the party atmosphere around us
evaporated. Two of the so called hosts of the party having an argument
tends to kill the vibe. I heard the music being switched off and John
heading into his room with Rebecca. I was too livid with Alex to even talk
to him. He had goaded Ben until he had finally snapped and it was me who
had got the full extent of his backlash. We passed the bottle of
Jagermeister back and forth until he fell asleep at the table. I looked
across at Alex and for the first time in my life, I was really pissed at
him.

To Be Continued...

Send any feedback to:      kyro3@hotmail.co.uk
I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!!!

=============================================================================
Editor's Note

Well, I knew lying to Ben was a bad plan! Let's just hope that they can
smooth things out between the two of them. Also, am I the only one who is
pretty convinced that there is some other history between Alex and Ben?

=============================================================================