Date: Sun, 4 Sep 2011 13:02:55 +0100 From: Kyro Clark Subject: Glitter And Trauma 9 ============================================================================== Disclaimer. This story is a work of fiction although it is loosely based on the real life experiences of the author. This story contains graphical depictions of sexual contact between two adult males. This story also contains harsh language or swearing and depicts scenes of alcohol and drug use. It should not be read by anyone where it is illegal to read such material and should not be read by anyone under the age of 18. The author retains the copyright, and any other rights to this story. This story may not be published, copied or redistributed in any way without the explicit consent of the author. ============================================================================= Authors note. Thanks to everyone for the feedback again. Things aren't going too well in my private life at the moment so I've not written in a while, mainly because I lost my self-confidence and started feeling really down after an argument I had. Half the battles faced in life are in our own heads and it's winning those at the moment which I'm finding harder than usual. I've been working away in Aberdeen for a while and Guy has been busy too that's why this has taken so long to write and upload. As I mentioned Guy has been busy so he hasn't been able to edit this chapter. Therefore there may be a few grammatical errors still present so I apologise in advance; I'll sign off this author's note with a quote from Dr. Seuss which I'm finding pretty helpful and relevant just now. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk Thanks in advance :D ================================================================================= RECAP: I turned on my heels and made my way back to my room without the Pop Tart. What was going on? Hadn't Ryan always acted distant when Alex was around? Hadn't it been Alex whom Ryan had shouted at in the back garden a few days ago? Hadn't Ryan seemed nice to me when it was just me and him in the café? Hadn't Ryan walked to class with me and hadn't he even offered to sit with me? It had to be Alex that Ryan had the problem with but why, then, did he completely walk past me and grunt hello in the lecture room and again just a few moments ago? Why was Ryan sitting in the living room at this very minute talking to Alex and why didn't he say hello or even acknowledge me when I walked into the room? I was confused and I had no one to talk to. The only person I had been able to unload on recently was Alex and he was somehow involved in this. A lot of good talking to him would have done anyway, his only advice so far had been, 'don't worry about it.' I walked through my room door and sat on the edge of my bed. I looked at my door to make sure I had closed it: I had. "OK fish, I know I haven't even given you names yet, but I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't have many people to talk to so it looks like you're gonna have to suffice for the moment; I've got a problem with these two people. One of them's called Alex and the other one's called Ryan..." ============================================================================== Glitter & Trauma Chapter 9 - The Difference Between a Date. By Kyro "Great! This is the second time this week that you've missed a lecture." "But I'm really not well this time. It isn't just a hangover!" Alex whined from the other side of the door. "Fine," I mumbled before heading out the door towards uni. It was a clammy morning with little or no sunshine and a rather intense heat. I trudged through the park in a bad mood as I would more than likely be spending the day by myself, I had avoided Alex yesterday as I was positive something had come up between us. I think he insinuated that he was gay or something along those lines, I don't know for sure, I was so confused by the whole conversation but I'd still rather have him with me at this lecture than sit by myself. I entered the lecture room and sat near the back as usual. I had my head underneath the table trying to get my pad and pens out of my bag when I felt a tap on my shoulder which made me jump out of my skin, I bumped my head on the underside of the desk before I looked up while rubbing my head to see Ben chortling at me as he took the seat to my left. "You did that on purpose you bastard," I said unable to keep the smile from forming on my face. "What can I say? 'My mum and dad just didn't give me any lessons on etiquette,'" a wry smile formed on his mischievous face. I shook my head before I bumped my shoulder against his, "Shut up," I said smiling. We began talking like nothing had happened between us. There wasn't any tension or residual awkwardness, Ben seemed a lot more casual and less tense now than what he did when I first met him and by the time the lecture had finished, I felt that I had started to gain a friend again. We were making our way to the exit when I spotted Danny and Ryan walking towards us. "Shit, quickly, out the door," I said pulling Bens sleeve and hurrying him out the door. "What the hell's wrong with you?" "Nothing just hurry to the next lecture," I said quickening the pace of our walk. I could see Ben craning his neck looking behind me for some sign of why I was rushing him. "Is it because of Alex or something?" He asked confused. "No," I said tugging his sleeve again trying to hurry him along. "Then what?" He said stopping to look behind us. "Please," I complained, "It's a long story and I'll tell you all about it later but can we just get to the next lecture." He looked down straight into my eyes. I felt my legs squirm as he surveyed me. "OK, but I wanna hear all about it." We hurried to the next lecture and sat in the very back row which was farthest away from the door. "OK so let's hear it, who were you avoiding?" Ben asked in a hushed voice. I sighed, "Ryan." "Ryan? I thought you two were friends?" "So did I," I sighed, "but he's been acting weird lately. One minute he seems really nice and friendly and the next he seems really cold. I don't get him at all." "What happened?" "I don't really know. We were sitting out the back the other day having a few drinks when Ryan got pissed off at Alex and started shouting at him for nothing. Later Ryan said it was just because he had too much to drink but I noticed afterwards that he started acting weird and stuff when we were talking about Alex. Then me and Ryan had coffee the other day -" "Just you two?" Ben interrupted. "Eh... yeah." Ben wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. I smiled, "It wasn't like that; we were just waiting on the queue for the cafe to go down." "Hmm," Ben responded sounding none too convinced. "Anyway," I pressed on, "We had coffee and he was really nice. He was a bit awkward around me but I think that's just because he knows I'm gay; he wasn't judgemental or anything. He even invited me to the pictures with him and John and that on Saturday. Then the other day he just brushed right passed me and grunted hello like he didn't know me." "Maybe he was just busy? Or having a bad day? Was Alex there?" "Yeah Alex was there." "Well then it's obvious. He's got a problem with Alex." "That's what I thought, but he did the same thing to me yesterday. I was leaving the flat and he was just coming in when he shot a hello at me and sped past. Alex wasn't with me; I didn't even get time to say hi for fucks sake," I said raising my voice. "Calm down." "And then yesterday, I walked back to the flat to find Alex and Ryan sitting together like the best of friends on the Xbox and Ryan didn't even acknowledge me. I don't have a clue what's going on," I vented while putting my head in my hands, I was breathing quite heavy. "Take it easy, you're probably getting worked up about nothing." I took a deep breath, "I've tried to be really nice to Ryan since we started getting on and now he's decided to just treat me like shit." "When were you supposed to be going to the pictures?" "Saturday - you can come if you want." "Wow, you really know how to charm a guy." I shot him a disdainful look and he smiled. "I can't, I'm busy, but maybe next week." "Cool... Actually, are you busy tomorrow night?" "Eh, no." "John's having another party and the last thing I wanna do is spend any time with Ryan and Al-" I caught myself before I finished the sentence and said Alex's name. "Ryan and Alex? Have you fallen out with Alex as well?" Ben asked unable to keep the self-satisfied smirk off his face. "No, I never said Alex. The lectures starting," I said while pointing to the front of the room. "Never mind that, what's up with you and Alex?" "Just leave it out Ben. I wanted to know if you fancied doing something but it's OK." "I didn't say that I wouldn't do anything, what were you thinking?" "I dunno? Something cheap, I'm pretty skint but I don't wanna hang around the flat tomorrow." "You're skint?" Ben asked while furrowing his brow. "Yes." There was a moments silence until I looked at Ben questioningly, "What?" I asked slightly annoyed at his stares. "Nothing... I've just... never heard anyone admit that they didn't have any money before." I looked at Ben and couldn't help but laugh, "Are you serious?" He had a deadpan look on his face which said yes. "Jesus Christ Ben, you're serious! You've lived one sheltered life." "Most people's heads are so far up their own arses worrying about what other people think of them that they'd rather die than admit that they were skint." "Ahh," I said knowingly, "The type of people who have fur coats but no knickers." Ben laughed, "How are you at bowling?" "Terrible," I snorted. "Excellent! We can go bowling then and I'll show you how the pros do it." "I can't, I'm really skint and I've got to save money for the pics on Saturday." "Don't worry," Ben said condescendingly, "It's my dad's bowling alley so it's free of charge." "Your dad owns a bowling alley?" I asked. "Twenty three actually." "Jesus!" "What?" Ben asked. "Nothing I just..." "Just what?" "I just never thought owning bowling alleys could ever make someone that rich." Ben burst into a fit of laughter. The lecture had begun though so he was doing his best to stifle it, his hand was covering his mouth and his shoulders were moving up and down violently; his face was turning bright red and he was becoming hysterical, it took a while for him to settle down. "What the fuck's so funny?" I asked feeling annoyed and embarrassed. "My dad's an entrepreneur you dick. He started off owning garages and then bowling alleys, and then he kept buying and investing in different industries like car sales and retail. Then he expanded internationally and now he owns stakes in multi million pound companies." Ben chuckled again, "He didn't become a millionaire by just owning a few bowling alleys." I scribbled on my pad feeling slightly stupid now, "Well that's what I thought," I grumbled. "So bowling then tomorrow?" Ben asked again. "Are you sure your dad won't mind us playing for free?" "Nope. I'll pick you up at eight?" "Are you really sure your dad won't mind?" I asked again. "Noooo, stop worrying." "Cool... eight o'clock is cool then." * Avoiding Alex for the rest of yesterday was pretty easy. He stayed in his room and I stayed in mine. The only interaction we had was when he asked me for yesterday's notes from uni so that he could copy them. I woke up on Friday morning feeling exhausted and apprehensive. I had awoken in the middle of the night after I had a nightmare and I'm sure I was shouting again. I may be able to blame this on our neighbours again but eventually John and Alex were bound to figure out it was me who was making all the noise. I heaved my heavy limbs out of bed and headed to the shower, with the powerful spray invigorating and re-energizing me it was with a groan that I turned it off and headed back to my room to get dressed. I looked in the mirror, a shadow of my former self stared back. My hair was long, slightly wavy but not exactly curly, and un-kept looking. I had really started to get some heavy growth on my face which I didn't suit. I had to invest in a razor and badly needed a haircut. The truth is though; I just didn't care how I looked at the moment. I moved my hair out of my face; it was still too wet to put a hat on it so I headed into the kitchen in the mean time to find Alex sitting at the kitchen table with some cereal. "Morning, you're up early," I said. "Didn't wanna miss another day." "How you feeling today?" "Better." "Good, good," I replied while fixing myself some cereal. I sat down at the table opposite Alex and began eating with neither of us making a sound. This is the best thing about Alex; the comfortable silences. Both of us were clearly tired and we had been in each other's company for long enough now that we didn't feel the need to fill every silence with incessant babble. We sat and ate in relative silence until Alex broke the morning lull. "Are you looking forward to the party tonight?" "I'm not going," I replied simply. "Really?" Alex asked a little surprised. "Really," I emulated. "What you upto tonight then?" He asked a little curious. His curiosity made me uncomfortable, was it just friendly curiosity or was it something else? Surely Alex isn't gay. "Going bowling with Ben," I said before shovelling more cereal in my mouth. "Oh... so you two made up then." "Yeah, we talked when we were finishing our report and we sat together yesterday." "Oh... does that mean he'll be sitting next to us today?" Alex asked a little uncomfortably. I forgot that there was still a problem with Alex and Ben. "Em... I never thought about that, maybe... probably." "Good, I'd rather get this apology over with sooner rather than later." "Don't expect him to forgive you with open arms," I warned. "Just as long as he doesn't milk it. I'm not gonna beg for forgiveness." "This is gonna be fun," I murmured. "What?" "Nothing." * We entered the lecture room and I saw Ben sitting in the seats that Alex and I usually sat in. I smiled and began to make my way towards Ben until I heard someone shout. "Alex! Jamie!" I turned round to see Ryan making his way towards Alex and me with his hands in his pockets. Even with my disaffection towards him at the moment, I have to admit, he looked pretty damn edible. "Hey! Listen, Danny isn't in today and I was wondering if I could sit with you two?" He trailed off. "Yeah, sure." Alex practically answered before Ryan had even finished his sentence. Jesus! What just happened? I turned my back and made my way over to where Ben was sitting; I was speechless. My mind immediately went back to the conversation that Alex and I had a few days ago. He said that he thought Ben was just using us for someone to sit next to during lectures. Now he's letting Ryan do the same thing he claimed to hate Ben for. I sat down next to Ben and murmured, "Don't even ask," while Alex and Ryan took their seats to our left. Thankfully it was Alex who was sitting closest to me on my left and not Ryan. I sat staring at the front of the room just wishing for this day to be over when Ben elbowed me in the ribs and mouthed, 'Are you OK?' I nodded my head dejectedly. "Still on for bowling tonight?" He asked. I nodded my head and smiled, "You really think you're gonna whip me don't you?" "No, I know I'm gonna whip you," he grinned. "Really?" I asked bating him. "Yep, you know, for someone of your calibre, they can put little rails up for you to stop the ball ending up in the gutter." I gave him the finger while smiling and shaking my head. The lecture went by pretty quickly and when we made our way to the next lecture things weren't as awkward as I thought they would have been. Alex and Ryan walked in front of us talking and Ben and I lagged behind talking about the lab we completed the other day and the steps Ben got wrong. I had been apprehensive about what would happen when Alex apologised to Ben but apparently the presence of Ryan was enough to phob-off the apology to another day. The rest of the lectures went by like this with pretty much no interaction between the two pairs. After the final lecture, while we were packing our stuff up, Ben asked if I fancied grabbing a coffee with him which I agreed to do. "I could go a coffee too if you don't mind me gate-crashing," Ryan said. I looked up at him. He hadn't spoken a word to us all day. He had barely spoken a word to me since Monday. I swallowed as I took time to regain myself. "Sure," I replied while doing my best to sound like I wanted him to come. I turned my attention to Ben and ergo my back to Ryan and widened my eyes to indicate my surprise. Ben just shrugged his shoulders. "What about you Alex? Fancy a coffee?" I asked not wanting him to feel left out. "I'll pass, I've still got some notes to catch up on from earlier this week; can I have your pad again?" I handed Alex my pad and we parted ways. As usual Ryan managed to bring an air of awkwardness to the group that had previously been missing when it was just Ben and I. Mentally I was cursing Ben for asking me to go for a coffee with Ryan still in earshot but he, like me, probably didn't expect Ryan to invite himself. We sat down with me and Ben sitting together and Ryan sitting opposite us. "So when do we find out about our mark for the lab report?" Ben asked. "I'm not sure, I think It's next week at the lab," I answered. "Are you two in the same lab group?" Ryan asked. "Yep," we chorused. "Right," he said while nodding his head and looking down at his coffee. I shot Ben a, 'What the fuck?' Look before he stood up, "I need to go to the toilet, back in two." I could have murdered Ben for leaving me here alone with Ryan. I was expecting a good three or four minutes of un-comfortableness but to my surprise he spoke, "Are you looking forward to tonight?" "The party?" I replied. "It's not exactly a party; it's just gonna be a few of us having a small drink." "Ahh, well I'm not going anyway, I've got other plans." "Oh... doing something nice?" He asked. "Nah, just going bowling with Ben. Nothing fancy." "Couldn't you go bowling another night?" Ryan asked. Jesus! What is that supposed to mean? I scrunched my toes up inside my shoes at the awkwardness of his question. "I suppose but I'm sure there'll be plenty more parties." Ryan nodded his head gravely, "you're still coming to the pictures though, right?" "Yep, Alex said he'd come too." I wanted to see the reaction on his face when I said Alex was coming to the pictures. Nothing! He merely stared at his coffee mug nonplussed. I watched him begin to pick at the cup and then I remembered, "I thought you didn't like coffee?" Ryan's face was turning bright red as he looked up and stared at me, "It's n-n-not that I don't like it so much as, I-I don't drink it that often," he stuttered. I frowned, "Oh, I see." This made absolutely no sense to me but I decided not to push it, after all, he seemed to be talking to me again for the moment. At this point Ben came back and took his seat. He and I began talking about engines again with Ryan joining in the conversation intermittently. We finished our coffees and we were saying our goodbyes (with me and Ben bumping fists again) when Ryan said, "I'll walk through the park with you, my flat is just around the corner from yours." "Oh... OK," I said a little taken aback by his friendliness. Does this guy have split personality disorder or something? We began walking back to the flat and I noticed Ryan was fiddling with the strap of his bag as we walked. "You're kinda shy aren't you?" He stated more than asked. "Em... yeah, I suppose." That's a bit rich coming from him I thought. "Me too," he said. A smile formed across my face, oh well, at least he's honest. "I'm terrible at meeting new people and stuff, Danny's usually the outgoing one who makes friends and I just sorta become their friend after a while." I couldn't hold my tongue, "Danny's the one who usually makes friends?" I asked shocked. Ryan fidgeted more noticeably with his bag, "He's a great guy, Danny. Honestly. He's looked out for me through thick and thin and he would have been more friendly and stuff towards you if it hadn't been for me." I looked up at Ryan who turned his head to face me, "Why? What did you do?" I asked screwing my face up. He turned his attention back to his bag strap, "I've just been making things hard for him and stuff. It's kinda personal but I've been doing his head in and that's why he hasn't been his usual self." I nodded my head as we came to the exit of the park, "Well I'll see you later," I said. I felt disappointed that our talk had come to an end. "See you tomorrow," he said smiling that infectious grin at me. * "Jesus that thing can shift!" I said while stepping out of Ben's Porsche. "She's sweet ain't she?" "Sweet? She's a snarling, roaring beast!" I replied taking a few steps towards the door. "Hold up, I gotta get a few things from the boot." I arched my brow as he went into the tiny boot of his car and pulled out what I can only assume to be a bowling ball and a pair of his own bowling shoes. I began to snicker as we made our way to the door. "What are you laughing at?" "You brought your own shoes?" I continued to snigger. "Yes." Ben answered a little indignantly. "What normal guy brings his own bowling shoes for Christ's sake?" "Who says I'm normal?" I couldn't help but burst into a full state of laughter now, "You should definitely use that when you sign off in an email; Ben McLaughlin, I'm not normal." I began laughing and this time Ben joined in while giving me a punch in the arm. "You know what I meant. I wanna be better than normal." I smiled and just shook my head at his previously ambiguous comment. "Head over to lane 17 and I'll get us set-up. What size of shoe are you?" Ben asked while taking his place in the queue. "An eight," I replied. Ben wiggled his eyebrows, "Small feet eh? You know what they say about people with small feet?" "Yeah yeah," I said while rolling my eyes, "Small feet; small socks," I said while taking a few steps towards the lanes. "You wish baby-dick," he said while flexing his pinky. "You're the one with the Porsche. Talk about overcompensating," I said while smirking until I looked behind him. My face turned a deep shade of crimson. Standing directly behind him in the queue was a mother holding the hand of her little girl. She was staring straight at the back of Bens head and the little girl was looking up to Ben puzzled. She couldn't have been any more than ten years old. Ben turned round to see the women and her child and turned back round to face me with his eyes gaping in shock. I slinked away and headed towards lane seventeen to wait for Ben. I'm glad I got to leave and didn't have to hang around. After a minute or so I saw Ben coming towards me with his face still bright red. "That is one of the most embarrassing moments of my life," he said while stifling a laugh. I began laughing too, "Thank fuck I got to leave and didn't have to hang around." "It's not even that, the little girl started asking her mum what a baby-dick was." We both laughed our heads off while I changed my shoes and selected the right size bowling ball. Ben entered our names into the computer; I was 'BabyD' and he was 'OverComp.' Ben was to go first and while we bowled we talked about uni stuff before moving onto music, TV (which I don't watch a lot of) and eventually politics. We played five games and I narrowly won the first game but was crushed in the remaining four. I don't know if Ben let me win the first game or maybe he was just rusty, but he definitely improved after that. I have to admit that even playing a game which I knew I sucked at, and even playing someone who had practiced as much as I know Ben had, I still felt really annoyed at getting beat. I handed back my shoes and Ben and I began to drive home. "I'm not ready to go home." Ben announced. "I know this awesome place that sells the best Pizza known to man. You up for it?" I looked down at my watch, it was only just after midnight, "I don't know, I'm pretty sk -" "I don't wanna hear it," Ben said cutting me off. "It costs a coupla quid and if you can't afford it then you're just gonna have to sit there and watch me consume the Sistine Chapel of Pizzas." I smiled and shook my head at him, "That's a pretty lousy metaphor, you know that, right?" "I would refrain from commenting until you've seen the pizza," he grinned. I was anxious that Ben was going to take us to some fancy restaurant where the pizza would cost twenty quid a slice or something like that. I didn't want Ben buying me anything; I was his friend, his equal, not his charity case. We drove around near the south side of the city which I didn't know that well and he stopped outside a small dingy looking Italian café. "This place?" I asked quizzically. "Never judge a book by its cover," Ben said while stepping out of the car. "Wow, you're just full of life lessons aren't you," I jested. We stepped inside the café and it was like stepping back into the eighties. The two chairs on one side of the table were attached to each other and then attached to the floor. The tables had a yellowing marble veneer and most of them were scraped or chipped. There was an air of vinegar and dough which both pleased, and assaulted my nostrils. Looking down, the floor was made up of small pearl coloured square tiles. The place just screamed personality, and I loved it. "Got a newbie hear Spearo, wondering if you can make us a pizza with one slice of each of the Chef's specialities," Ben requested. Clearly he knew the man behind the counter. "Indeed sire, indeed," the man said nodding his head fervently. Ben broke out into a huge grin. Clearly the man was having a bit of banter with him. For a minute though, I thought the man was serious when he called him sire. "Take a seat," Ben said pointing to a seat near the back of the small café. We sat and talked about how Ben had found this place. Apparently this is where his dad grew up and as such he knew most of the small businesses and local people around here. We were talking about the exact whereabouts of his dad's old house when the man behind the counter (Spearo) appeared with the pizza. The thing was huge! Spearo turned to walk away when I called him back, "Excuse me," "Yes," he replied. "How big is this thing?" I asked. "Twenty four inches," Ben and Spearo chorused. I looked down at the monstrosity sitting in front of me. It had everything. Ham, chicken, mushrooms, pepperoni, sweet corn, pineapple; the list went on and on. I looked up at Ben after staring at the thing for quite a while. "The Sistine Chapel, right?" Ben asked. I looked down at the thing. "I have to try this," I answered before picking up a slice containing ham, chicken and mushroom. I bit into the pizza and instantly fell in love. Everything was here in this pizza that should be in every pizza. The fluffy cheese which melted as it entered your mouth. The rich tomato puree, so faint yet still present. The thick, doughy base cooked to perfection and of course; the flavourful toppings as well. I ate the full slice in silence while Ben destroyed his slice of chicken and sweet corn. "That is amazing," is all I could say. "The best pizza you've ever had?" "By a country mile. This actually takes a shotgun to the head of Pizza Hut and blows its brains out before screaming at it for defiling the good name of pizza." Ben started chuckling at my analogy. "I won't even tell you what it does to Dominoes Pizza's." After spending an hour doing our utmost to eat the entire pizza, we finally called it quits with two slices being our conquerors. We split the price of the pizza (six quid each! How is that even possible?) And then Ben rolled the fatter, more rotund me, into the car. We set off for home with little or no talking as our bodies struggled to digest the vast quantity of food we had consumed. We pulled up outside the flat when I turned to Ben. "I really appreciate you coming out with me tonight. I've not had a good coupla weeks and tonight is the first in a long time that I've really enjoyed myself. Thanks man." "Don't sweat it," he said while holding out his fist. A grin exploded across my face as I bumped fists with him and made my way out the car. He revved his engine loudly and raced off into the night. I smiled at his childish macho-ism. I walked up the stairs and opened the door to the flat. Silence. I looked at my watch, it was barely past one, I still expected the party to be in full swing. I cautiously walked down the darkened hallway and into the living room. The lights were off but I could see a figure standing at the window. "Alex?" "Hey. I take it that was Ben I heard screeching away down the street." He asked. "Eh yeah." I heard Alex mutter something but I wasn't sure what he said. "What happened to the party?" I asked. "I dunno. I fell asleep about six and that's me just wakened." "They probably had it at someone else's flat or something," I suggested. I sat down on the couch and Alex sat down on the other couch opposite the TV screen. "How was your bowling?" He asked while trying, unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. "Good, I got my ass whipped in four games but I managed to take a game off of him." "Is he a big bowler?" "I think so," I didn't want to mention that he had his own shoes and his own ball. It would only give Alex an excuse to slag him off, "Anyway, I'm knackered, good night," I said while standing. "Night." * "Aren't you gonna get ready for tonight?" "You would like that wouldn't you? For me to piss off and let you have all the glory, I'll bet that you'd say that you did it all by yourself." "Maybe," Alex replied. I made a loud, exaggerated sniffing noise, "I think you should be the one who goes and gets showered and ready for tonight. I really can't emphasise the showered part enough," I said while smiling. "That's rich coming from the guy who hasn't had a haircut since last year. And for Christ's sake would it hurt you to shave?" "You scared my beard is gonna give yours a run for its money?" "That thing on your face isn't a beard. It's more like a patchy... grubby... Bovril stain." "Jealousy doesn't suit you Alex," I jested. I know Alex is very proud of his growth. "What are you two up to?" John asked as he entered the living room. "We're trying to defend this zone for an hour from infinite enemies," I said. "Jesus, the Xbox again," John complained. "Alex, can I have a word with you?" "Go on Alex, it sounds important," I said grinning from ear to ear, "don't worry, I'll finish all by myself." "Don't you usually?" Alex said with a wry grin spreading across his face. "That's rich coming from you, when was the last time you had a burd?" I asked indignantly. It felt strange speaking slang again but this was something I was comfortable doing with Alex as I felt like he doesn't judge me the same way other people from uni do. "Can it wait John? We've only gotta hold out for eight minutes and seventeen seconds and if I leave now Judas here is gonna take all the credit," Alex explained. John sighed, "Hurry up then." When we completed our game Alex and I high fived each other, "I can't believe we lasted an hour," Alex said. "Really? It's not the first time I've lasted an hour," I wryly smiled. "Oh fuck off and get ready," Alex said trying to suppress a laugh. I stood up to leave, "I'll shout you when I'm out the shower." "Cool," Alex replied. "Are you gonna shave for tonight?" John asked. I frowned, looked at Alex who was clearly bursting to laugh and then looked to John who was looking serious. "What the fuck? I thought we were just heading to the pictures? Why has everyone taken a sudden interest in my growth?" I asked half-jokingly, half-serious. "I was just suggesting that maybe you should shave," John said. "No, I'm not shaving, I don't even have a razor, I never brought it with me," I said getting a little annoyed. "I've got a spare blade if you want it?" John asked. "No," I said sharply. I turned round and headed out to get a shower. I finished showering and then alerted Alex that the bathroom was now free. As I was getting ready I couldn't help but steal glances at myself in the mirror. I really didn't suit the growth on my face and it's easy to see why they were asking me if I were going to shave. That said though, they could have asked me to shave in a nicer way. I ran my hand over my face and I began to smile, "fuck them," I muttered to myself. I dressed casually with a pair of blue skinny jeans and a black t-shirt, there wasn't much else which was clean. I walked back into the living room and to my surprise I found Alex still sitting playing the Xbox with John nowhere to be seen. "Aren't you gonna go get ready?" I asked. "I'm not going." "What?" "I'm not going." "Why not?" "I don't wanna." "You were going half an hour ago." "I changed my mind." "In half an hour?" I asked exasperatedly. "I just really can't be arsed going." I sighed and then slumped onto the couch, "fuck it then, I'm not going either." Alex turned to me and looked alarmed, "yes you are." I furrowed my brow, "no I'm not. I'm not gonna go without you and sit with John and all his mates who I barely know, it'd be awkward." "Ryan'll be there." Alex said suggestively. I was about to say that that was more of a reason to stay home but the doorbell rang and Alex sprang to his feet to answer it. "Saved by the bell!" I shouted after him. Moments later Alex walked back into the living room with Ryan following him. He looked beautiful. He was wearing a black t-shirt with a colourful and explicit print on it and a pair of grey skinny jeans. He had recently straightened his hair which he brushed out of his face with his hand. I noticed a pink and black chequer sweatband on his wrist. He always seemed to wear one of those. I unconsciously moved my hair in front of my face. Ryan had obviously spent a lot of time getting ready and I had thrown together whatever was clean and closest. I wish now that I had taken John up on his offer and shaved. Alex sat down on the couch with Ryan sitting next to him. "Where's everyone else?" I asked. "They're not coming," Ryan said moving his hair out of his face again. "What? None of them?" "Nope," Ryan said rather chirpily. "Are you ready to go?" He asked. "Alex isn't going either. You don't wanna go with just us two, do you?" Ryan looked crestfallen at my question. If you would have offered me a night out with just Ryan and me a week ago then I would have bitten your hand off, but now, knowing how cold and strange he could be, I wasn't so willing to go and spend an evening with him. "If you don't wanna go then we could just chill or something..." Ryan trailed off. I swallowed hard, I hope I wasn't going to regret this, "No, I'm still up for it if you are?" I hope he says no, I hope he says no! "Defo, should we get going?" He said beaming. Damn! "Yeah, let's go." I shot Alex a disgusted look as we departed, we walked out of the flats main lobby and stopped, "Where do you wanna go for something to eat?" Ryan asked. He wanted to go for something to eat?! I doubt I could afford something to eat as well as the price of the ticket for the movie. I stood there for a minute and contemplated my options. I could level with Ryan and tell him that I couldn't afford something to eat, but I would be mortified. I could lie and say that I wasn't hungry, but clearly he was. My only other option was to go for something to eat and try and spend as little as possible. "Em, what about McDonalds or Burger King or something?" I suggested trying to pick somewhere cheap. "OK, there's a McDonalds and a Burger King not far from the pictures." "Cool, sounds good." We set off to get something to eat with me bracing myself for a difficult silence, but Ryan had other ideas, "How did your night with Ben go?" "It was brilliant," I said enthusiastically. "We went bowling and he kicked my ass, and then he drove us to the other end of the city for a pizza. It tasted AMAZING!" I said practically shouting. Ryan gave me a weak smile, "You and Ben seem to be getting on well." "Yeah," I said nodding my head, "we got past our argument pretty quickly." Ryan nodded his head. "How's things with you and Danny?" Ryan blinked several times in quick succession and began noticeably fidgeting with his mobile in his pocket, "OK, I don't think I'm doing his nut in as much now," he said feigning a smile. I smiled back. "And how are you and Alex getting on?" I asked. I saw Ryan's lips get noticeably smaller, "OK. Why? What did he say?" He asked a little too eagerly. "Nothing." I said defensively. We were almost at the pictures now and I was looking around which Ryan must have noticed, "What's wrong?" "I need a cash machine." "Me too, there's one on this corner." He said pointing a few feet in front of me. "Nice." From the minute we left the house I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong, this didn't feel like two friends heading out for a quick feeding and then a movie, that's what last night felt like with Ben; friendly, relaxed, and good-natured. Tonight however, felt more high-octane, there was an underlying tension that I couldn't explain, perhaps it was all in my head but even Ryan seemed to be acting different, he was both smiling and fidgeting more tonight than he usually does. I made my way to the cash machine and put my card in, Ryan was standing right behind me and I could feel his gaze on my back. I nervously shuffled to the side to hide the screen from his view as I checked my balance. I had twenty quid left, I'm sure that would be enough, wouldn't it? I retrieved my money and then stood to the side as I waited for Ryan to do the same. After he finished putting his money away in his wallet, he looked up at me and we made eye contact, an angelic smile spread across his face that melted away any inhibitions I had about going out with him tonight. I felt a sensation spread down my spine and I looked down to the ground as I grinned frenziedly. "Ready?" He asked. "Ready." We made our way to Burger King and Ryan ordered first, after he was served he took a seat while I decided what to order; I knew a ticket for the pictures cost roughly 12 pounds so I had 8 pounds to spend. I looked at the menu and ordered a Chicken Royale which was roughly a fiver. That should leave me plenty of money for a cinema ticket I hoped. I sat down opposite Ryan feeling slightly less tense about not having enough money. We both opened up our food, there was a strange pause as neither of us began eating; I felt uncomfortable with Ryan sitting opposite me watching me eat. I reached for my drink hoping to buy myself some time. Ryan tentatively took a bite of his burger and then his eyes darted to me catching me staring, I felt the heat rise in my body, my eyes moved to my burger as I sat my drink down and I nibbled slightly on the edge of the chicken Royale. I couldn't help but feel the difference between this night out and the night out last night with Ben. With Ben there was no tension, everything was relaxed and I didn't feel apprehensive about eating in front of him at all. Tonight though, was starkly different, I was apprehensive about the way I had dressed, the way I looked (specifically the growth on my face), and even the way I ate my food. This was going to be a long meal I thought to myself. I noticed the sweatband on Ryan's wrist again and I thought I'd distract him from watching me eating by asking him about it. "You wear those all the time," I said nodding towards Ryan's wristband. "What?" He said looking down at the table. "The sweatband, you wear those all the time, how come?" I asked Ryan's face turned red, he unmistakably panicked. He sat his burger down, "eh...eh..." he stammered. I felt awkward at having asked him the question; it wasn't supposed to be an interrogation, just a friendly observation. "Play a lot of tennis?" I joked hoping to help him out. A smile spread across Ryan's face, "Yeah, Andy Murray eat your heart out." The rest of the meal went by with no further incident; we spoke at length about music and TV programmes and books. We had pretty similar taste in all things but Ryan had a far more extensive knowledge of TV and films and I had a far more detailed knowledge of music. It was great just sitting talking with Ryan, I could listen to him speak all night as he had such a rich tone to his voice. I found it entrancing. Once we finished our food we both left Burger King and went into the pictures. "So what do you wanna see?" Ryan asked. "Oh, I kinda thought you had already picked which picture we were gonna see, I thought you'd decided before everyone cancelled on us." Ryan put his hand in his pockets, "Yeah... but... we can go see whatever now it's just us two." "Em, what about the zombie one? I love zombies!" I said a little too enthusiastically. Ryan smiled, "sounds good." I had enough money for a ticket with some left over which I used to buy a drink with. We sat down in the darkened room near the back ready for what I hoped to be an undead horror-fest with plenty of blood, guts, and people walking around groaning the words, 'brains.' The movie didn't disappoint and at one point Ryan even rested his leg against mine. I had to subtly 'adjust the soldiers' as I got a little too happy with the physical contact. After the movie, it was still relatively early so we decided to walk home through the park, it was dark but there were plenty of street lamps illuminating the park pathways. "That movie was amazing! The part where the zombie started eating her face and it showed you her eyeball and eye socket being eaten was awesome!" "It was pretty cool," Ryan said. He was walking alongside me with his hands in his pockets looking pretty distracted. "Cool? It ate her face, her actual face! What about the part where the guy took a chainsaw and started charging at the zombies? Not exactly a genius is he? What a way to protect your family, by getting yourself eaten... idiot." I began walking backwards now in front of Ryan. "I'm not ashamed to admit that I've seriously thought of what to do if there was a zombie apocalypse. Firstly - " I was about to tell Ryan all about my survival plans when his head suddenly darted forward, his lips pressed firmly against mine and he kissed me. We broke apart and I stood still looking at him transfixed and shocked. He stared back into my eyes questioningly, I felt his gaze pierce right through me. "What the fuck was that?" I blurted out. Ryan's eyes unmistakeably widened, "N-N-Nothing, I've gotta go," he said stuttering before walking past me and speeding away along the path. I stood rooted to the spot as I watched him pace along the winding path and turn the corner, what had just happened? To Be Continued... Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!!!