Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 02:58:12 EDT
From: H
Subject: "Heart Desires" - Part 10

This is a story that revolves around the lifestyles of homosexuals. Please
you are reminded that this story contains material some will find very
offensive. So if you are one of those who don't support man to man sex, or
find it to be disturbing, this would be the proper time to hit the back
button.

Chapter 10

At first, when I kissed Adam, he didn't reciprocate. I had no idea what I
was getting myself into, but damn, it felt so good to feel his lips
touching mine. I forced my tongue in his mouth to get him to loosen
up. Unfortunately, it didn't work because he pushed me away and stood up
abruptly...

"I can't do this, Taylor," Adam said, in a shaky voice.

Man I was sorry that I forced myself on Adam and made him more confused
than he already was.

"Oh Adam, I'm so sorry for acting like an ass," I tried. "I, I was so not
thinking about what I was doing. Please tell me this won't ruin anything."

"It's not that. Things are just happening too fast and I got frightened,"
he explained. "I think I better go home before I get ahead of myself."

"Gosh, I'm so sorry, I really am," I said, with such sincerity.

"Don't apologize, you didn't hurt me in any way," he said. "It's my fault,
dude. Right now, I can't think because I'm confused and I'm scared. Please,
don't beat yourself up about it."

"I can't help it, man. Lately, I've been acting so weird with the people
around me, that sometimes I wondered about my own sanity," I told him.

"You're a good friend, Taylor," he said, "but I should go now.  Maybe Bruce
is back and probably wondering where I'm at."

When Adam mentioned Bruce's name, I suddenly realized that whenever I was
around Adam, I seem to forget about everything. I hated lying to Adam, but
what other sensible choice I had?

"I understand," I told him.

"You really do?" he inquired.

"Of course!  Besides, I was the one who acted stupid," I assured him.

"OK, talk later?" Adam asked, as he began to walk to the door.

"I'll be here whenever you need me," I said, with a smile.

"Thanks for everything, man," he said.

With that, Adam left. I had mixed emotions about everything that happened
that night. I knew Adam was uncomfortable when I kissed him, which is why
he had the urge to leave right away. I just hope I didn't push him away
further.

When I got back upstairs, I discovered Bruce still naked lying on my
bed. Bruce really had a beautiful body. He told me he worked out a lot
before he came here to Florida. My physique wasn't where I wanted it to be,
but it was eye-catching. I worked out as well, and try to keep fit. Anyway,
regardless of how I felt that night, my cock was sure of what it wanted,
but I think it would be wise if I tell Bruce to go home.

"Is he gone?" Bruce asked.

"Yes, and I think you should leave too," I told him.

"You want me to leave?" he inquired.

"It would be wise if you do. I think Adam is a little concerned about your
whereabouts," I said.

"You say that like I have to explain to Adam where I was," he said. "I told
you before, Adam doesn't need me hanging around him all the time, and the
last time I checked, I was of age."

"Whatever, Bruce, I'm just saying, I think we should watch how we start
telling lies to Adam, because the truth has a way of coming out."

"We haven't fucked, if that's what you worried about," he said, with a
little anger in his voice. "I don't understand what this has to do with
Adam anyway. So what if he finds out that I like to suck cock."

Bruce had no idea that Adam is struggling with his sexuality, and if he
tells Adam about what happened between us, it could destroy their
friendship and also my chances in opening Adam up to the "gay world." You
see, I think Adam's interest in me is growing and I hate to admit, I didn't
want Bruce messing things up.

"I know you don't mean that," I said. "You care about Adam too much to hurt
him that way."

"He'll get over it. Adam is not as weak as you seem to think he is.  Hell,
maybe he'll want in on the fun," said Bruce.

"It's obvious that you're not thinking straight. Stop and think about what
you just said for a moment," I told him. "Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not angry, I just realized how often Adam comes between us, and he
doesn't even know it," Bruce said.

"There you go again, I told you that there is no "us" Bruce."

"There could have been, but Adam shows up on your doorstep, and now you're
kicking me out of your apartment?"

"Shit, Bruce, look, I don't want to get angry here, but you're really
pushing me to say something I know I'll regret," I told him. "Please just
go before the both of us burn a bridge we can't rebuild."

"I knew it from the first time I met you.  I knew you had it bad for Adam,"
he said. "That explains why you're acting this way. Well, unfortunately for
you, Adam is not gay."

Now I was getting angry. I tried to conceal it, but I couldn't. This dude
was pissing me off. My life was already too complicated and Bruce wasn't
helping at all.

"Bruce, please leave. I mean it, just go," I said in a stern voice.

"You'll never have him," Bruce said, tauntingly, as he searched for his gym
shorts. "I will personally see to that."

"Get the fuck out my apartment!" I shouted at him.

Who the hell does he think he is? I don't care how big his cock is. He
wasn't going to say shit like that to my face and expect to get away with
it. But he left me thinking about what he said. I wondered what he was
going to do or say to Adam. I suspected that he loved Adam like a brother
and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that relationship. Maybe he would, I
don't know.  I barely just met the guy. On the other hand, I would be
furious with him if he messed up my chances with Adam.

A day had passed and I hadn't heard from or seen Adam. I wanted to go over
to his place, but I feared Bruce might have already told him about
everything. Maybe he's trying to avoid me, I don't know. Whatever the
reason, I was sure freaking out.

It was Wednesday now and I had a LAN project to work on and turn in by next
week. The group I was assigned to had to build a Star Topology consisting
of 25 computers, using coaxial cables, an active hub and a server. That
class really stressed me out, especially when I'm not really technically
inclined. I sat at my study table, took out my textbook for information on
how to build a topology, then tried to construct the model on a piece of
paper. No one understood this shit like Bryan did. He had a part-time job
as a Technical Advisor at IBM and was really good in class.  What a pity he
wasn't assigned to my group. I wanted to call him to ask him for some help,
but things seemed so awkward between us. I really needed some information
to take to the group tomorrow so that I could at least appear like I knew
what I'm doing. I started to think about how he let me fuck him senseless
and then I blamed him for manipulating me into having sex with him. I
really needed to get things sorted out in my life, because I didn't need
all this stress at such a young age.

I picked up the phone and called Bryan. He suggested coming over to talk
and then help me work on the project. At first I was unwilling, because I
knew myself too well. Until I can get a handle on sexual urges, I had to
stay far away from temptation. But he convinced me that he wouldn't let
anything happen. I don't know why I agreed, but he promised me and I
believed him.

Half an hour past and there was a knock at the door. It was Bryan. When I
saw him, all those memories came flooding back. It's difficult trying to
block out such vivid imagery, looking at him was a constant reminder. I
wondered if I made the right decision in letting him come over...

"Hey, Bryan, come in," I told him.

"Hi Taylor," he responded. "Um, are sure you're OK with me being here?"

"Well, it doesn't make any sense to send you back home since you are
already here," I said, smiling. "It's OK, man."

"You look good," he said. "I mean, you seem much better since the last time
I saw you."

"Yeah, I'm OK, could be better, but I can't complain," I told him.

There was an awkward silence. I noticed Bryan was really staring at me and
then he looked away.

"What?" I inquired.

"It's nothing," he replied.

"Come on, I know there is.  It shows," I said.

"Please don't get upset, Taylor," he started, "but, I'm having a hard time
trying to forget about what happened between us. I'm sorry, but I can't get
you out of my mind. No matter what I do to distract myself, it doesn't
work, it just don't freaking work."

"Bryan you promised me that you won't rekindle the situation between us," I
said.

"I know, and I didn't mean to. But you did ask," he said.

"I'm sorry, you're right, but I don't know what to tell you. However, I do
want you to know that I apologize for the way I'm handling the situation."

"I know that you can't offer me a relationship, Taylor.  That's what so
depressing about the whole thing," he explained. "You told me that you were
seeing someone and I really respect that, but I want you to know, if this
person doesn't treat you right, you know where to come."

I was touched by those words. Bryan seemed like a really nice guy.  I
actually think he is, but he would have to make some other guy happy.

"Thanks for understanding where I'm at in my life," I told him. "I know
you'll make someone a very happy person."

"Maybe, just remember what I told you," said Bryan.

I just nodded and told him things will work out, regardless of how he felt
now. Bryan was really great in helping me with that damn project. He stayed
over for a while and watched a movie with me. I thought Bryan was good
company, maybe I can have him in my life, once he understands we have to
keep things platonic.

"Hey, man, I better get going, I have work in the morning," Bryan said, as
he stood and stretched.

"Thanks for coming over," I told him. "I'm really glad that things are OK
between us."

He looked at me and I read his eyes. I knew he wanted to ask me something,
but I didn't push it.

"Taylor, I have one last request," he said.

"Are you sure I'm going to like this?" I inquired.

"I don't know."

"Go ahead, ask me what you want," I told him.

He took a deep breathe and ask, "Taylor would you kiss me for the last
time. Please don't think I'm trying to seduce into having sex with me, I
just want to kiss you one last time."

I was a bit taken back, but his lips were the reason I was drawn to him in
the first place. I thought it was a reasonable request, so I complied. Our
lips met and our tongues began to explore the insides of each other's
mouth. I had to pull away because it was getting intense between us and my
damn cock was behaving in an unruly manner. I saw the disappointment in his
eyes and his lips was begging for me to continue. I kissed him again, only
this time it was short and then I told him I couldn't do more. He respected
that and reluctantly left with his head hung low. I really hope he finds
someone fast, I didn't want to see him hurt like this.

It was getting really late and I decided to go to my bed. I waited up for
Adam to call for as long as I could, but he didn't. I was worried. Why
hasn't he called me yet? I was physically and emotionally tired. Mid-term
exams were coming up in about a week and I hadn't studied at all. I still
had my thesis to finish for my Psychology class.  Thank goodness that
wasn't due until the last week of the semester, but lately I have been
slacking off a lot. My LAN project was a part of my mid-term exam and I was
so happy that Bryan had come over and helped me with that. I went upstairs
and took a warm shower.

I got up late the next morning because I didn't set my alarm after
Wednesday night. Why should I get up at 7:30 in the morning when my class
was scheduled for 1pm on Thursdays? Besides, I needed the rest
anyway. Later that morning, as I sat in my sofa watching the Discovery
channel, I heard a knock at my door. I got up and walked hurriedly to the
door, and in the process I stubbed my big toe. Boy, I was in some shitty
pain. My entire body felt shocked from the impact. I rushed like I did
because I thought it was Adam. I opened the door and saw Eric standing
there with a rose in his mouth. I guess he thought I wasn't happy to see
him because of the expression I had on my face. That wasn't the case, I had
hit my toe so hard that the expression on my face was more from the pain I
was experiencing.

"What's wrong?" Eric inquired. "I guess I shouldn't have come."

"No, no, no, don't be silly, I just hit my toe real hard," I said, with a
painful voice.

"Awww, poor baby hit his toe?" Eric said, in his baby voice. "Let me take a
look at it, I'll kiss it and make all better."

"Stop it, Eric, it really hurts," I told him. "I think I even cut myself."

"Oh stop being such a wuss!  Take it like a man," Eric teased.

"I am taking it like a man.  If I was a woman, I would have been screaming
and crying and fretting that I probably broke my toe," I told him.

"Are you talking back to me?" Eric asked, jokingly. "Because if you are,
I'll have to teach you a lesson."

"As a matter of fact, I was totally being rude to you," I teased. "Now how
do you like that?"

"Don't test me young man!" Eric said, with a grin. "You know I have ways of
making you submissive."

I loved when Eric joked around with me this way. He was such a comfort in
my life. It was beyond me why I didn't love him like he wanted me
too. Maybe I do, but one thing was stopping me from committing myself to
Eric and that was my desire to be with Adam.  Well, that and my tendency to
think with my cock in certain situations (a realization pointed out by Sam,
a very dear friend of mine).

"So...you can't do anything to me, because I'm already in pain," I jested.

"Is that so?" Eric asked, in a sly voice.

With that, Eric unbuttoned his shirt and then unzipped his pants. He turned
his back towards me and then slid off his boxers, revealing his fine juicy
ass. I rarely fucked Eric in the butt, I preferred he do it to me. He began
to massage his ass, tearing apart his cheeks, which showed his pink manhole
and slightly bending over in a seductive manner. Somehow it was always
different with Eric. I've been with a few guys, but Eric's touch was simply
different. I mean they all were, but his touch soothes me emotionally. I
have yet to experience a sexual episode with Adam.  I don't know if I ever
will, but the chances are a lot better than it was a month ago.

I watched in lust as Eric seduced me without even touching me. He was
right, as usual.  I wanted him and he knew it. Why did I provoke him to
tease me like this?

He was good at it too. Eric started to put back on his boxers...

"What are doing?" I asked him.

"I have to go," he said. "Besides you're the one who said I can't do
anything with you because you're in such awful pain."

"Don't go Eric, please," I said, knowing he had me where he wanted.

"Get on your knees and suck my cock," he commanded.

I didn't hesitate. I slid Eric's boxers off for the second time and did as
he commanded. My cock sensed it was Eric and it was incredibly hard. My
balls ached for release. I began sucking on Eric's cock, allowing my tongue
to do the work. Licking the slit on the head of his cock made him
tremble. I deep-throated his cock, taking it all in. Suddenly, I felt him
twitch.  I knew he was getting ready to cum and I wanted to swallow it all,
so I locked my lips on his shaft. Eric groans began to escalate and he
started fucking my mouth with his cock. I felt his first spray land in the
back of my throat, then he sprayed again, again and again, until his cock
was milked dry. It was amazing!

Eric knew I needed a release, so he humps over the sofa and held his ass
cheeks open. I reached for the KY jelly, squeezed some on my fingers and
work three fingers, one at a time in his ass until it loosened up a bit. My
cock was twitching and I knew it wouldn't be long before I shot my load. I
positioned myself behind Eric and started applying pressure at the entrance
of his manhole. He grasped as I slid in one inch at a time. Before he knew
it, I was in all the way. I moved slowly until I was sure he was adjusted
to my cock being in his ass. His ass ring muscle clenched down around my
shaft. The feeling was indescribable. I leaned back a little and used my
hands to support me as I pushed up into Eric. With each thrust, Eric's moan
sent me closer to the edge. It was so intoxicating to hear him made sounds
like that. I picked up speed and rhythm. Our bodies were sweaty and our
groans were almost in unison.

I felt that incredible urge to cum began to overtake me. I push harder and
stronger into Eric, making him moan louder. In seconds, I was shooting my
load deep into Eric's manhole. I felt when his ass ring began to milk my
shaft. I realized that Eric was cumming for a second time. I loved every
moment of it, and I didn't want it to end.

After a few minutes, I pulled my semi hard cock out of Eric's ass and lay
on top of him to catch my breath. I looked at my watch and the numbers
displayed 12:12pm. I almost forgot that I had a class for 1:00. Suddenly, I
mustered up all my strength and ran upstairs to take a shower. When I came
back down, all dressed and ready to go, Eric was still there, siting in the
sofa with just his boxers on.

"Hey, are you going to stay until I get back?" I asked Eric.

"Probably, I want to talk to you anyway," he said.

"I don't like the sound of that," I said, with a smile.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle on you this time," he said, returning my
smile.

"Well' OK, I'll see you at 4:30 then," I told him.

He nodded. I proceeded to my front door and walked outside to my SUV. As I
was getting in my SUV, I heard someone call my name. I spun around quickly
and noticed it was Adam. I waited until he was near me to see what he
wanted. I wondered if he knew about Bruce and me. I guess time well tell...

"Hey, Taylor," Adam hailed.

"Hey, man, what's up?" I responded.

"I saw you leaving, and I wanted to catch you before you left," he said.
He looked like he had a lot on his mind.

"Sound serious.  Are you OK?" I inquired.

"I don't know, but I need your advice," he said.

"I'll try," I told him.

"Well, my girl wants to make up with me and get this, she's willing to have
anal sex," he said, lowering his voice. "I saw her yesterday and we end up
spending the entire evening together.  We didn't have sex or anything.  We
just talked. I don't know what to do Taylor.  She wants me to spend the
night. Tell me what to do, dude?"

I was upset with this bitch.  Why the fuck doesn't she just leave him
alone? Adam is already confused and scared, and this bitch is making things
worse. I held my composure and looked concerned.

"Adam, it's your decision to make, but forgive me for saying this.  That
so-called girlfriend of yours strikes me as being mendacious," I tried. "I
mean, why is she all of a sudden so willing to take it up the ass?"

"So you're saying I shouldn't make up with her?" he inquired.

"I didn't say that, but I also don't want you to think that I only said
that because I have a hidden agenda or something," I told him.

"I'll never think that of you, that's why I came to you for advice," he
said.

"Look, I have to go or I'll be late," I said.  I remembered that Adam had a
class around the same time as I did. "Adam, you have a class at this time
too right?" I inquired.

"Yeah, but I'm not going, I'm taking the day off to help Bruce with
something," he told me.

I wondered what the hell Bruce was trying to pull. What did he need Adam to
do that would cause him to miss class? I didn't ask him why, because I
didn't want him to think I was nosy.

"I really have to go, but please don't do anything until I get back," I
pleaded with him. "Don't talk to her until we have a chance to talk again,
OK?"

"I'll wait, but if I don't see you before this evening, I'm going to have
to call her," he said.

I nodded and jumped in my SUV. One obstacle after the other kept Adam and
me apart. I was furious with this girl. I don't think I could restrain
myself from choking the hell out of her if I happened to meet her. I'd have
to move quickly on introducing Adam to the "gay world". If I didn't, either
this girl or Bruce will end up do something to take Adam away from me. I
couldn't let that shit happen. I thought about it long and hard. Tonight
will be a special night because I'm going to seduce Adam.  After tonight,
no damn woman would be able to change his mind.

To be continued...

Thanks for reading chapter 10. I hope you enjoyed it. Please stay tuned for
chapter 11 as it explores the developments between Adam and Taylor.  As
mentioned in chapter 9, the memoir of "Heart Desires" is coming to the end,
where Taylor would have to choose the person he wants to be with.  I hope
you stay with the story to discover who it will be.

I just want to say a special thanks to Paul, my editor, for his help with
the last few chapters.