Date: Mon, 7 May 2001 21:38:24 EDT
From: H
Subject: "Heart Desires" - Part 8

This is a story that evolves around the lifestyles of homosexuals. Please,
you are reminded that this story contains material some will find very
offensive. So, if you are one of those who don't support man-to-man sex, or
find it to be disturbing, this would be the proper time to hit the back
button.

Chapter 8

As I rested on top of Eric, I suddenly remembered that I had left my
clothes in the washer. I wanted to shift and get up, but it felt indecorous
at the time. Eric had said that he loved me three minutes ago and I still
didn't have a response for him. If the truth be told, deep down I know
there is a possibility I may love Eric, but the way I've been handling my
life lately, I'm afraid I may leave his heart in distress. I don't think
I'm ready to commit myself to a relationship.

Eric stirred and began to sit up. One reason why I've always felt safe
around him was because he would stick around and cuddle after we had a long
intense fuck. He was the real relationship type. He sat looking at me.

"Man, my body craved for you when I was in Maryland," Eric said,
smiling. "Dude, I actually felt physical pain because of how much I'd
missed you.

"Don't you think that's a little overboard Eric?" I asked, carefully.

"Taylor, the way I feel for you lately, is a new thing for me. I don't know
how to handle it," he said.  "I know I'm not the only guy in your life and
I also know it's hard for you to commit to one person, but I promise you
this one thing, I'm going to win your heart over."

He sounded pretty confident. I really didn't know how to respond to
him. Eric knew me like no other, even more so than Sam.

"I don't know what to say Eric," I replied. "I need some more time to think
about things."

"Dude, you really don't recognize what you have already. Why are you
searching for something so hard when it's so close to you?" He inquired.

"Eric, please don't push me.  I'm confused about certain things in my life
and I need time to work through them," I said.

"OK Taylor, I'll try not to compel you, but I'm letting you know now, I'm
not going anywhere," he said, looking into my eyes.

"Eric, this is hard for me," I said. "I can't promise you anything, please
don't bolster your hopes so high."

"I know what I'm getting myself into.  Don't worry about me," he said.

"Easy for you too say, but I'm terrified I may not give you what you want,"
I told him.

"Taylor, take all the time you need.  When you're ready, we'll decide where
we want to go in terms of a relationship," he suggested.  "I'm not going to
self-destruct if things don't work out."

"Yeah I know that, but you'll still hurt and seeing you in that state is
something I can't handle," I said.

"You're thinking about it too much, Taylor.  Take it one day at a time and
kinda' let things happen in their own way," said Eric.

"You seem so sure off yourself," I said.  "If only I could have that same
confidence in myself and my life, things might be better."

"Don't take it out on yourself, dude.  Believe me, I'm not as confident as
it may appear.  I have my fears too," he said, with a smile.

I know Eric was trying to help, but I had issues that had their roots deep
within me and it's going to take some time to work through them. Part of
the reason why I didn't want to commit to Eric was because my heart still
desired Adam. I loved everything about him. I loved the way his voice
chuckled at my off the wall humor, and how he looks at me when I seem to
baffle him. I wanted this guy immeasurably.  So much, in fact, that I
sometimes find it hard to concentrate.

I didn't even go upstairs to wash the scent of sex from my body. I merely
shoved my legs through my shorts and scurried out the door and down to the
laundry room. When I returned back to my apartment, I found Eric on the
phone. He beckoned to me quickly with his free hand. When I approached him,
he then handed me the phone, and I immediately placed my hand over it.

"Who's this?" I whispered, inquisitively.

"Some guy from your LAN class." Eric responded, "I was about to tell him
you went out, but then you walked in, so I told him to hold for you."

My throat felt dry. Only one person in my class has my phone number and
that's Bryan. I didn't want to give off any suspicious signals to Eric,
because I know that will eventually lead into a series of questions and I
didn't had the energy to deal with his inquires. So the sensible thing to
do was to talk to Bryan.

"Hello, this is Taylor." I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as
possible. "No...,I don't know Bryan...,No, I can't...I just can't...I have
a friend over, so I'm going to hang up...bye Bryan."

I hung the phone up and joined Eric in the den. Bryan wanted to see me, and
I told him no. He seemed hurt by the way I was avoiding him, and honestly,
part of me wanted to apologize to him for my behavior. But I also knew that
if I had agreed to see Bryan, I might become vulnerable for a second
time. The memories of our recent fuck were still on my mind, and I was so
afraid to explore what chemistry Bryan and I may have, if we were to spend
more time with each other.

Surprisingly, Eric didn't even ask about the phone call. But then again,
Eric had known along how hard it is for me to be monogamous. He understood
me in such a way I couldn't explain, even if I tried to. Eric left a little
later, which give me some time to work on my thesis. It wasn't due until
the last week in the semester, but it involved a lot of research and
refinement. Psychology was really an interesting class, but the workload
can become wearisome.

Monday morning came quickly and I heard something tapping. It was 7:30am,
and I'd woken up 15 minutes prior but was still half asleep. I went to the
bathroom, brushed my teeth and threw some warm water on my face. I heard
that tapping sound again. I realized from upstairs that someone was
knocking on my door. I trotted downstairs and opened the door. I was
pleasantly surprised at my discovery. It was Adam.

"Hey man, what's up? Did I wake you?" Adam inquired, looking concerned.

I smiled and said groggily, "You know you're my favorite person, it's OK. I
was up anyway, I just wasn't sure that I heard a knock at the door."

He chuckled at that. I was standing there in a pair of boxers and some tube
socks. For the first time, I saw Adam gawking at me. It wasn't a long
stare, but it was enough for me to think he might be gay or curious.

"Come on in," I said, as I moved to the side to let him in. "Do you want
some coffee, tea..."

"No, I'm fine," he responded. "I know you're probably wondering why I'm
here so early in the morning, but don't worry.  I won't keep you long, I
know we have a class this morning."

"Is everything OK?" I asked.

"I don't know," he responded.  Adam looked really troubled and I was really
concerned about him. He sat with his fingers intertwined.

"I apologize for coming here so early, but I really needed someone to talk
to," he started.

"Don't worry about it, man," I told him.

"Thank you Taylor, you're a good friend," he said.  After a long pause, he
continued, "Dude, I think something might be wrong with me."

I was stunned.  I hope it wasn't what I was thinking.

"It's not what you're thinking Taylor, I'm not sick. I'm as healthy as a
horse," he said, seeming to read my mind. "It's something personal and it's
something I've been struggling with for the past few months. I think my
ex-girlfriend planted these friggin' ideas in my head. We decided to end
the relationship after this huge ass argument we had."

"When did all of this happened?" I inquired.

"Last night at her place," he responded. "She thinks I'm gay, Taylor." He
blurted out. "You see, I loved the idea of having anal sex with her.  She
rarely gave in, and when she did, she grumbled about my cock hurting her
ass. I prefer fucking her ass anyway, because I like the feel of her ass
ring clutched around my cock."  Realizing how much he'd revealed, he
blushed and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to go into details,
man."

My cock started throbbing as soon as Adam began talking so dirty. It seemed
he really liked anal sex. Why does that bitch complain so much about it? On
the other hand, I couldn't help but feel optimistic about my chances with
Adam. I didn't want to confuse him more about his sexual inclination, but
I've waited so long for something like this.

"It's OK, I don't mind," I said, trying to hide my jovial expression. "So
this is why you both decided to end the relationship?"

"Dude, we broke up because she didn't trust me anymore," he said. "We've
been having problems about it for months now and when she gets pissed off,
she usually resorts to name calling. She mostly called me an ass fucker.
She knew that shit didn't fly right with me. I got pissed so I called her
an unruly bitch, then things just escalated."

"I never realized you were having problems.  How have you been hiding this
so well?" I inquired. "And why me? What about your friend, Bruce?"

"Are you kidding?  For some reason, I feel more comfortable talking to you
about this.  I can't talk to Bruce about this shit.  I don't think he could
handle something like this," he explained.

I wasn't sure that was an accurate appraisal of Bruce.  If I was a betting
man, I'd put money down that Bruce loved men too, probably even fucked one
or two in his day.  He's just being really inconspicuous about it.

"Let me ask you a question, Adam. Why are you so terrified of being gay?"

Adam looked at me, and in those beautiful eyes, I saw much confusion and
fear.

"I really never thought about it. Man, being gay comes with a lot of
problems," he said.  "I remember this one time when I was at the gas
station, I stared at this guy's butt.  He really had a nice ass, but
minutes later I forgot all about it. Do you think that makes me gay,
Taylor?"

"Adam, that doesn't make a person gay, but I can tell you this, being gay
doesn't mean your life is over. Look, we need to talk some more about this,
but it will have to wait. We have Psychology class in about 40 minutes and
I haven't taken a shower yet," I said

"Dude, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot about the time," he apologized. "Do
you want me to wait for you?"

"Oh, that's OK, I'll meet you in class," I said. "I don't want to make both
of us late."

"OK, but we will talk later tonight right?" Adam asked.

"Yes, we will," I said, as I opened the door for him.

With that, Adam left. He had gotten up early and dressed before coming to
see me. Why did he trust me with such a personal issue? I wondered why he
couldn't wait until later, when I was completely awake. Nevertheless, I was
in high spirits all morning. Adam was fresh meat. No man had ever touched
him and I only hoped that I would be his first.

When I arrived on campus, I was on the lookout for a young man named
Bryan. I knew that, sooner or later, our paths would cross. Part of me
wanted to see him, but I didn't trust myself around him. I didn't see him
in sight anywhere, as I walked across the lawn. Suddenly, I heard my name
and I looked around. It was Bryan. I didn't know whether to walk off of
just wait to see what he wanted. As he came closer, I began thinking about
my cock sliding in and out of his ass. It's so hard not to think about it,
especially when the sex was hot and passionate.

"Hey, Taylor," he hailed. "I waited for you behind that oak tree."

"Hi Bryan," I responded, looking away from him.

"You know I've been trying to meet with you, but you kept pushing me away,"
he told me. "Was it that bad, Taylor, that you can't even stand the sight
of me anymore?"

"Bryan please, we can't discuss this here," I said.  "Besides, I'm already
late for class."

"You can't even look at me. I know you didn't mean for us to go as far as
we did, but you have to stop feeling guilty about it," he said.  "Taylor, I
wanted you to fuck me..."

"But I didn't want too!" I interrupted.

"That's what you think.  I know you liked it, Taylor," he said.

"Please, who doesn't like fucking?" I asked, rhetorically. "You manipulated
my emotions Bryan, and that's why I'm scared to trust myself around you."

"Look, I don't want to fight about this," he said. "I apologize for the way
that I took advantage of the situation and I really hope we can start
over."

I felt bad, because here was, Bryan was taking the entire blame for what we
did. I tried to put most of the blame on him. I couldn't admit that part of
the problem resulted in my inability to control myself sexually.

"Can we talk about this later? I really have to get to class," I told him.

"So I take it that you're willing to forgive me?" He asked.

"I didn't say that, please, I'll see you later," I said.

"When? Where?" He questioned.

"I'll let you know," I said.

When I arrived at class, I met Adam there. He gave me a huge smile and I
couldn't stop myself from blushing. His face always had a certain glow,
especially when he smiled the way he did. I wanted him so bad that actually
I physically felt pain. I sat down behind him, and even though we've talked
many times and gotten a feel for each other, I still felt nervous around
him sometimes.

"Tonight is still on, right?" Adam whispered.

"Definitely," I told him. "I want to tell you some things too!"

"Cool. Tonight it is," he added, turning back around.

I hardly paid attention in my Psychology class.  I had so many damn things
going on in my life. However, I felt a turning point in my discouraged
situation with Adam. For the first time, I felt like he was truly going to
be mine. I couldn't wait for dark to fall. Like they say, strange things
happen at night.

Later that day, things suddenly became frenzied at my job in the Admissions
office. I called Bryan and explained to him my situation. I told him our
talk would have to wait. He seemed to understand, but mostly because he
felt if he had pushed, I would start avoiding him again. That wasn't
necessarily the case, I really wanted to talk to him and try to smooth
things over with him, but in a platonic way, of course!

Psychology was the only class Adam and I had together, so I usually don't
see him for the rest of the entire day, except for that one time when he
came in the Admissions office to pick up something. Every time I see him, I
can't help myself from grinning.

When I finally got home that evening, I went upstairs to take a quick
shower and looked for some of my most sexy underwear. I was in the enticing
business tonight. A while back, I had ordered this product that had the
potential to attract the same sex sexually. It's a pheromone-based product
called Robust. I used it in the past and it seemed to work on certain
guys. Mostly the ones I wasn't interested in. Anyway, I had totally
forgotten about it, and I decided to use some tonight, to make me sexually
irresistible to Adam. I know this may raise some moral issues, but I was
really desperate.

I put on some soft music and waited for Adam in a pair of silk boxers and
some tube socks.  The Robust had an intoxicating scent, so I only dabbed a
little behind my ears, on my neck, and on my wrist (the places suggested on
the bottle).  Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on my door. I opened
the door and was immediately taken back by who it was.

"Bruce!" I managed, as I stood there almost naked.

"I didn't know I had such a profound affect on you, Taylor," he said, with
a smirk.

"You don't, I mean, I was expecting someone else," I said, almost
embarrassed at myself.

Bruce stood there gazing at me in my eyes and I was really uncomfortable
with it. I wondered where Adam was, and why his roommate was standing here
looking at me. I begin to notice that Bruce had on some gym shorts that
showed his manhood, and I felt my cock rising instantaneously. In a few
seconds, I knew my hard-on would be visible, so I tried to get rid of him.

"Aren't you going to let me in?" he asked.

"No, I can't. I'm expecting someone to be here, Bruce," I told him.

"You already told me that. Besides, I know who you're expecting," he
said. "If I didn't know better, I could swear you were getting ready for a
sex date or something."

"Bruce, would you please leave, you're insulting me," I tried.

"It's Adam, isn't it?" he inquired.

I didn't say anything, but he was definitely right. What in the hell did
Bruce want from me?

"Look, Bruce, if you didn't come here for something important, I would
really appreciate it if you leave me alone," I said.

"What's that scent you're wearing?" he asked, seeming surprised by his own
question.

"Why you want to know?" I asked.

"It's really good," he said.

While we were standing there, with my door wide open, I saw Adam headed my
way, still a few blocks away (I knew his red Mustang anywhere).  I really
started to get fidgety, because here I am standing in my boxers, with a
partial hard-on, and Bruce standing in my door, asking me the name of my
cologne. How I'm going to explain this to Adam if he saw us like this?
Bruce started to rub his cock in front of me and I noticed that his bulged
had grown twice the size, the last time I looked at it. I was totally
flipping out now.

"Ah, Bruce, man, you have to go now!" I exclaimed. "Please don't spoil this
for me."

"Dude, what are talking about," he asked, with a curious look.

"Please go!" I commanded, as I shoved him out my door.

Bruce caught my hand and pulled me into him. I felt his incredible hard
cock pressing against mine. We lustfully stared into each other's eyes and
we remained motionless. I knew that, any second now, Adam would catch us in
this position, if we didn't pry our selves away from each other. He kissed
me, and I reciprocated.

To be continued...

To my readers: I wanted to incorporate some sex scenes in this chapter, but
as you may have noticed, I've still tried to make it just as interesting to
read. However, stay tuned for chapter nine, and find out what will become
of Taylor, Bruce and Adam.