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It was my third day in jail...
"You're a real hard ass huh?" the detective asked me, "Where is he?"
"You mean my lawyer?"
"We won't press charges on you if you help us out. You won't even need a lawyer."
"If you aren't pressing charges then I'd like to leave."
It was all a game now. It was one hell of a game against Sampson, against Quan, against all those damn Alphas. They were all out to get me.
"You think he cares about you?" the detective asked me.
I thought about it. I wouldn't give T-Boy out even if I knew where he was. No. That just wasn't my style. One thing no one could ever take away from me was that I was a loyal ass person. Regardless of the situation, I was down to the end.
"I learned something," I stated, "A woman taught me it. Her name was Athena. You know I carried it throughout my entire life."
"She taught me that some people in your life are mere scaffolding. They are there when you need them to help build you up and make you strong. However it is only at their removal that you realize that you are at a more complete state of being."
"Do you mean Tommy?"
"Tommy...no of course I'm not talking about Tommy..."
I started to laugh immediately. They probably thought I was crazy. I was talking about Sampson. Now that he was completely gone, I felt the pain. I knew what it had meant. We had been through so much, I couldn't take that away from him. At a time I was sure he loved me.
But I guess that time had passed.
And damn I couldn't help hurting still, remembering the past. If he hadn't made those promises maybe this wouldn't be so hard...
15 minutes later, his partner came in. This guy was bigger and looked a little less pleasant. He slammed a paper on the desk.
"You really want to act tough huh? We can do this all day buddy."
"This is illegal."
"What the fuck do you know...kid. Who you going to tell? Your mom huh? Listen, let's cut the bullshit. Ok? Alright? The sooner you start talking the quicker we get out of here."
"I've been talking this whole time...kid."
He leaned forward over the desk
looking at me in my face and damn near snarled, "You know what this is. This is a witness statement saying that you
LET the shooter walk away, aiding him."
A smirk spread across my face,
"There wasn't only one witness there. There were several. For the 1 that you
have, I have 3 who would go completely against what he said. It's my word against his."
Damn you Sampson for even putting me in a predicament like this.
These cops were trying to act tough. I could give it to them. They wouldn't break me of course, but their effort was amazing. A weaker person would have fallen for it all so easily. Truth is I had more than 1 run in with the law and decided to look up my rights a long time ago.
3 hours later the cops came in releasing me to some lawyer who had just randomly showed up.
The lawyer smiled at me, "Damn you didn't need me I guess, huh?"
"Who sent you?"
"Your boyfriend. I thought you would have assumed that."
"Quan, he said that he was your boyfriend."
I walked out of the police station. I was hoping by now all the bullshit would have boiled over. I mean people had three days to talk about the death. People had three days to get the fuck over it. It wouldn't be enough for some people, but in Brunswick it would be. People here were used to death after being hit by that storm. It wasn't as much of a big thing I would hope.
At the bottom of the hill I was more surprised to see that Khan, Angelina and Porter were all there by Porter's car. They were gathered around looking up and seemed pl eased to see me. It made me wonder how long they had been outside the station, but I wouldn't ask. I didn't want it to seem like I owed them anything.
Yeah, definitely right at the door was Quan standing there with a huge smirk on his face. He seemed to have this triumph written all over his face.
"You can thank me now since I'm here already."
He had a smirk. I thought about attacking him. I think he kind of figured I may have, because he was standing in a slight defensive posture. I wasn't an idiot though. No.
I smirked back at him, "Oh, so you're pleased with yourself."
"Oh no," I laughed and shook my head, "You've far from won. You've far from won. You don't want war with me."
"There's a thin line between love and war."
"Get it through your fucking skull," I stated, leaning in close to him, "You are a broke down, budgeted basement discount knock-off of Syn. You'll never be me. I don't give a fuck what Athena taught you. You're nothing more than a child of this recession. I'm the real deal. Bitch."
I started to walk away.
I heard him say something to the likes of, "We'll see," but nothing he could say to me would break through once I made my point made. He remained at the top of the long staircase, probably waiting to talk to his lawyer, but I wasn't sure.
I walked down the steps to Angelina giving me a huge hug as soon as I hit the bottom, "God I was worried about you."
Porter moved in and tapped me on
my shoulder, "What were you two talking about?"
"Nothing," I stated.
We all looked up the staircase. I understood why he asked. Quan was looking down the staircase with the same smirk on. It was like he wanted us to know that he was staring with his same creepy ass stare.
"That guy freaks me out," Khan stated.
"Who you telling?"
"Boys, come on let's get out of here. Who cares about him? Syn's out of jail. We have to go out and celebrate somewhere," Angelina stated.
She was right, but I knew it wasn't over with Quan. I could see it in his eyes. The battle had just begun between us. I told him I didn't care what Athena taught him, but the truth was that it did bother me a little. Athena was something...unusual. She was something strong and powerful, unlike any force I'd ever met in my life. Her way of thinking could change the world given the right hands or it could destroy someone's world...
"BRING ME ANOTHER DRINK...OR DIE!"
Khan was drunk. It was hilarious. He was so obnoxious when he was drunk. They were all drunk...except me. I didn't drink too much. We were all gathered around the bar. Porter had his beer in his hand while Angelina had her arm on him.
She had been leaning up against him all night and it was getting worse as the night went on. It was almost as though the liquor was acting like Viagra to her or something.
I noticed Khan noticed because he was getting more and more obnoxious.
"Khan," Porter started, "Maybe
you should slow down ey."
"I just got out of the damn hospital. I have broken nose. I am going to drink. GIVE ME ANOTHER DRINK OR DIE! BARTENDER!"
He was laughing so loud at himself. I couldn't help but find it hilarious. I could see Porter found it most hilarious even though he was trying to stop him. The bar was crowded with college students. I didn't like it. A lot of people were the same people from the shooting.
They were ALL giving me looks. It was almost like they were all blaming me or something.
No one else noticed. They were having too much fun.
"Let Khan drink," Angelina churned in, "After all the hell we been through in the last 24 hours, we definitely need it."
People were staring!
"Do you guys notice an audience?" I asked.
Angelina shook her head, "Syn don't play them any mind. Let's have a good time. Let's dance."
She didn't need anyone giving her any help on that. She started dancing immediately. It was funny how she was trying to dance too. Angelina was a beautiful girl, but sex appeal just wasn't her thing. She tried to do this whole sexy dance on Porter that was just fucking hilarious.
"Dance...OR DIE!" Khan started out with his drunk slurs again.
Porter just smiled at them as though he'd never been so amused in his life. I wanted to be amused with him, but I couldn't. The stares were coming at me. From everywhere. The bartender whispered to the cook. "That's the one." Several boys from the party were gathered around making comments. I didn't hear those ones but I was sure they were about the shooting.
We should be home mourning...but we were sitting here drinking...
Is that what they were mad about?
Was that what made them so upset?
"Can we do anything that won't result in death tonight?" Porter asked with a wide drunk grin.
"Funny way to say that with what happened."
"Syn, lighten up. It was an accident."
He put his hand over on me. The way he touched me sometimes...it reminded me a lot of Sampson. It bothered me in a weird way. It's because Sampson would put his arm on me but not pull me or be too rough. He was never like that. He was gentle, you know...as though letting me know he was there for me but he wouldn't force me to do anything.
"Be happy...OR DIE!" Khan shouted in my ear, almost spitting on my face with the strong gin and tonic mixture.
"Syn needs to be loosened up," Porter stated, "Angelina, give him a kiss."
Angelina let the most unfeminine roar that I ever heard as she planted a huge kiss on my lips. I was surprised by it but I had to say the drunken effect of it all had caused me to smirk a little.
"See...you're having a good time," Porter stated, "That's all it's about. Put your guard down for once."
"Last time I did that, I was stabbed in the back," I told him.
"What was that?"
The music was louder.
"I said, last person who I loosened up to stabbed me in the back."
He grabbed me, lightly around my waist this time giving me a slight nudge. I don't think anyone noticed it. Hell I didn't noticed it all the way.
"I would never do that to you."
Our eyes connected. It was a weird connection. It didn't last too long before Angelina had finished her drunk dance and decided to put another move on Porter.
"Now it's my turn to kiss you."
Almost at that moment I saw something that I never thought I would see. Khan's beer bottle fell on the floor just as the two kissed. It was obvious that he was jealous. I could see it written all over his face that he was jealous.
"What the fuck?" Khan stated.
"Khan what's wrong?"
Everything's fine," Khan stated, "Everything is always cool with you. You're just being friendly. Maybe that's the
He walked away just at that moment. I was sure he left the bar but he was just lost behind a crowd of people.
I opened my mouth in shock. I mean, it was about damn time Khan was showing Angelina how he felt about her. She was there in the dark like an idiot but we all knew what that was all about.
"What the hell was that about?" she asked me.
I shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't know, "You want me to find out?"
"No...no, I'll go," Angelina stated, "You guys will be ok right?"
"Yeah, I got your boy. He's cool, I'll take care of him," Porter replied brushing her off.
She walked away. I could see a worried look on her face. I was sure somewhere inside her she cared about Khan. I wasn't sure if it was romantic though. I hated the idea of Khan getting her, but by now I knew romance wasn't all fairytales.
Sometimes the shit just didn't work out...
As soon as she walked away, it felt like it got awkward between Porter and I. I don't think he noticed it though. It wasn't awkward to him. It was just really awkward to me.
"You ok Porter, you think you ready to go home?" I asked.
"Nah, let's chill for a bit..." he started, but then for some reason he quickly changed his mind, "Better yet...let's get out of here?"
"Come on, I'll finish my beer
outside and we can walk home since we're both probably too drunk to drive."
Just as we walked out I realized what had probably changed Porter's mind. Sampson had just walked in with his boyfriend. Maybe Porter was trying help me save face from looking stupid again. I couldn't believe Sampson was here. He hadn't come in there for a drink. He was hanging up fliers asking for information to help him find T-Boy.
Sampson was trying to make T-Boy do the right thing. I knew Sampson. He wanted T-Boy to get caught and go through things the right way. The "Right" way was very disciplined and strict for Sampson. Everything had to be according to the rules for him.
He didn't see me as Porter led me slyly out of the bar quickly.
We started down the long path towards the dorms. Porter was staggering as he walked. It was clear he had too much to drink.
"You think Khan's going to get some tonight?" he asked me.
It was an obvious answer. He laughed though amused by it.
"It's obvious that she likes him.
She's just fronting."
"No...it's obvious that she likes you..."
His face got red. I could tell I had just embarrassed him by his slight pause between the conversation. I knew it was something that he hadn't admitted to either.
"Some bullshit ass love circle huh?" he smirked and then added smugly, "Count me out."
I looked over at him, "You so damn cool. Don't act like you didn't lead that girl on the entire way. I know guys about guys like you."
"Guys like me?"
He had stopped walking. It was cold out here. I was tempted to keep going. He was pissing me off honestly. He had this huge look of shock as though his shit didn't stink. As though I'd gotten him confused.
"You are the scaffolding. You are the guys who feed off of Ms. Wait-By-The-Phone. How many girls figured you were the one? How many girls fed into all your bullshit, hoping that you were different?"
"Fuck are you saying? You don't know me."
I smirked and started to walk away, "Whatever you say."
I was surprised when he came up to me. I knew he was drunk but he didn't smell like it. He smelled clean like he'd woken up in rose petals. He was close to me, but not in that kind of way. The comment that I didn't know him seemed as though he had meant it to linger into me. It didn't have the effect though.
"Syn, really though," Porter started out, "Don't play me."
"No one is playing you. I tell it how I see it."
"You see him! You don't goddam see me."
I turned back to where he was still waiting. His dredlocks circled a face of angry drunkenness. He was even speaking right. Why was I standing here talking to this cat?
"You know who I'm talking about. Don't play dumb," he stated boldly, "You see Sampson. Not me. That's your damn problem."
I laughed immediately, "You are Sampson. Don't you get it. You fucking pretty boys. You beautiful boys. You have so much fucking power. You have that charm. The same charm that he had. You can look at someone and make them fall in love. And you hurt them. Oh, please, please...don't leave me. And you turn around and smile because your nuts hang too low to keep your promises. Your dick is too big to waste on just one person. Oh, please, please...don't leave me."
"Man fuck you Syn," he started out.
I smiled back.
I didn't say anything else. No need to say anything else. I may have hurt his feelings. Hell, I was sure I did. It was how I felt though.
These boys...these beautiful boys. I was sick of them. What did it mean, the fact that they were beautiful. They were doing nothing for me. Why couldn't I just take one of the ugly ones and be done with it. Why had such a beautiful guy like Sampson hurt me? Why had I let myself put my guard down and be blinded like that?
Please, please don't leave me.
I started walking faster leaving Porter behind. No reason to sit around and talk to him. He didn't have anything for me.
I walked home, my mind blogged with hatred for the concept of love.
"Khan..." I started out.
I looked around the room. Khan wasn't there. Instead I saw a note on the inside of the
door. It read:
SLEEPING ACROSS THE HALL...AT ANGELINA'S.
Oh this wasn't going to fly.
I was going to have to shut their little love escapade ALL THE WAY DOWN!
I shook my head. I guess I should have been happy for him, but why? Love would get a hold of him and it would crush him into a million fucking pieces. There's no reason to be happy about something like that.
I decided to go lay on my bed. For some reason I saw a pic of him sticking out from behind my bed. A pic of Sampson of course. I looked at the pic. No...it wasn't just Sampson. It was a pic of Sampson and I. We had taken it YEARS ago, before the storm, before I was relocated to southern New Orleans. Actually it had to have been within the first few weeks I knew him.
Back then...T-Boy treated me like my worst enemy. My parents had died and I went to stay with T-Boy's mother Nicole. Of course T-Boy didn't like me staying there because we had a little history. Guess he was just scared I was intruding into his life or something. He wanted to keep his gay life and his home life separate.
Sampson defended me then though. Sampson welcomed me...when I had nothing. What the fuck changes? I know it something I should have been over by now, but it's hard when you think you've found the one. You think you'll be with this person forever. This person makes you feel immortal.
For someone like me, being accepted, flaws and all is important.
Because I had the flaws. He saw them. I thought he loved them. I thought he'd love me...forever.
Damn, here I go again Love, crying over you. You piece of shit.
It was middle of the morning. Our building had a little café on the first floor that people would go to eat in the morning. Usually I ate alone, but for some reason, I saw Angelina and Khan. They weren't alone. Porter was with them. They were also surrounded by a few kids who I really couldn't remember the names of. I was horrible with names.
One of the bitches had thought she was my best friend or something and she jumped up, "SYN, Come over here...eat with us!"
Damn. I was trying to make a quick getaway...away from Porter.
I could feel the awkwardness as I had walked towards the table. No one wanted to talk about the shooting. I could tell. The drama of it all was still around. It wasn't only that either. Angelina and Khan were sitting on two completely opposite sides of the table. They weren't looking at each other. It was so awkward.
"Hey Syn," I heard a couple people say.
I raised my hand and smiled cause obviously I had no idea what to call these people. They all knew me though. I just somehow managed to attract all sorts of unwanted attention everywhere I go. They all thought they knew me. The one bitch, Kiss Ass # 43 was all in my goddamn face. I was sure that she liked me. Actually I was sure her and Kiss Ass # 44 were in a competition for me. It was as though I couldn't tell these bitches I was gay. Plus they were all whores. Probably were all rejected by the top choice guys like Porter and decided to just settle on average guys like me.
"So...why the fuck is everyone so awkward?" I asked.
I had to break the ice. Angelina looked at me as though she wanted to shoot me. Kiss Ass # 44 said something, but I kind of ignored her because she really isn't important to this narrative and that was when I realized Porter speak.
"Yeah, I'm kind of hung over too," he stated, not looking up from his plate.
"Oh huh. Angelina you hung over too?"
Angelina looked up at me. I could see she just wanted to disappear from the table. She looked so awkward and embarrassed. I had to admit. I was just finding this thing goddam amusing.
"Girl...you look kinda blue though. Looks like Gargamel was trying to get you all night. Or maybe it was someone else," I laughed.
"Oh Gargamel's cat got your tongue? I mean it is what it is...homegirl."
Her face turned red. I looked over at Khan. He was just as red. This was too funny.
"Ok Syn, just leave it alone," Porter stated.
Of course the couple nameless ones didn't know what we were talking about. Porter seemed to have a clue of what had went on last night. I looked over at him as though amused by him.
"Let what go, Porter?"
He sighed loudly as though annoyed, "Syn, I'm not going to go back and forth with you today."
"You're right. You DEFINITELY aren't," I replied quickly, "Anyway, so anything...interesting...happen last night?"
Khan and Angelina just continued to stare at the table. This is what they get. This is what they get for giving in. The awkward day after. Neither of them knew what the hell to do. And I was glooming in excitement. Love was EVERYONE's nemesis.
"Wow I'm already over the day. I should have stayed in bed," Porter stayed.
"Oh...with Diana? Or maybe Paine. Or which girl is it again in your popular bed Porter?" I asked.
Porter rolled his eyes, "What the hell Syn, that isn't cool. I'm nothing like that."
"Why do you care what Porter's doing anyway?" Khan asked.
Out of no where Angelina barged in, "Yeah...why is that Syn"
They were NOT ganging up on me right now. I knew damn sure they weren't going to gang up on me right now.
"What EVER do you mean?"
"Don't act all funny now. You're my roommate Syn. I was around to see how you looked at Sampson. I see you looking at one person that way and that person is Porter?"
Porter laughed, "You aren't suggesting Syn has a crush on me..."
Khan threw me right under the bus. I had to give this bitch his cookies. He must have been hanging around me a little bit too much. He much have caught onto the shady mental mind thought.
"You know. I'm just putting it out there.
Yeah this little piece of havoc was cute for him...but it
"Oh let me tell you what this is NOT about to turn into. This is not about to turn into a pin the tale on the donkey reindeer game. I don't give a damn about Porter. Just because you too are Fucking...oops," I said.
"SYN!" Angelina screamed out.
She got up off the table and ran away, obviously upset. Everyone at the table turned me all of a sudden like I had a red dot on my forehead. I guess I was supposed to be bothered or explain my little outburst. It kind of spoke for itself though. Everyone was looking at me though. I can't stand when a motherfucker stares and doesn't say a goddamn thing.
"What?" I asked, "I got an italic print signature that states MEANINGLESS CUNTS STARE HERE on my forehead?"
Khan rolled his eyes, "I can't believe you."
"I mean it is what it is. You fucked you fucked. You know what I mean? It's 2010. Everyone has their drunk mistakes. Isn't that what it was Khan? A drunk mistake."
He didn't answer. He just walked away as well. I peeped that he didn't walk the same way as Angelina had. I realized as I looked back everyone at the table was still looking at me. I needed to get a reality show or something, I swear. These motherfuckers just loved to stare at me and not say a damn thing. It was as though they were just observing. I knew as soon as I got up off this table it would be a splurge of reaction.
Syn is such a dickhead.
Did you see how mean he was to his own friends?
cute though isn't he? When he's mean...
That's why he doesn't have any friends.
He is so full of himself.
What a jerk!
I was sure all that shit would be swerving around the damn lunch room. I guess it would feed someone's ego if they were the type to really give a fuck. But being the non-give-a-fuck villain I am, it just wasn't enough to cause me to give a fuck.
Before they started though I smiled politely, folding my napkin and placing it on the table.
"Now this was a cute little light snack," I stated, "I'd have to retreat as well though. If Khan is half the man that I am, he'd probably be going upstairs and torching everything. EVERYTHING! So I'm going to you know, keep it cute, and stay in my room for a little bit. But let's do this again sometime, ok, you guys."
I got away from them. I could already hear the whispers as I made my way across the lunchroom.
Khan of course wasn't half the man I thought he was. All my shit was in pieces. He was of course mad and not speaking to me. Hell I was doing it for his own good. He would learn. He didn't need love in his life. That shit just fucked with you. That shit destroyed you.
I ended up just getting my books and staring to head back out to class. Just as I opened the door, I saw Porter there. He had his fist about to knock on the door.
"Why you got to be like that yo?"
"What do you want Porter?"
"Damn, never mind now..."
He turned away. I grabbed his hand before he turned away though, "Are you serious right now? You come to my door and just walk away?"
"Cause you so damn rude. You won't even give me a chance to talk."
"I asked you what you wanted. How am I never giving you a chance to talk."
"Man...you're tone, I wanted to ask you something."
"Why you so mean to me?" he asked.
"Try again Porter. I'm the same to everyone. But you are so damn conceited. Conceited guys I figure are sensitive. My ex was like that."
"You ALWAYS compare me to
"Actually I was talking about T-Boy. You know the one who shot Nyno."
He nodded his head, looking dumb
and caught in his own sensitivity, "Oh...well...ok then...I guess. Well one more thing."
He squinted his eyes. He looked in the room, but by now Khan was sleep, probably sleeping off his depression and having dreams about Angelina. Porter saw that. His eyes squinted towards me as though trying to find something.
"Be honest," he stated as he looked
hard at me.
"I always am."
"Is there ANY truth to what Khan said?"