Date: Mon, 23 Aug 1999 03:16:36 -0400 (EDT)
From: sliders21@iname.com
Subject: hidden-desires-in-ny-11 (college)

*****************
Hidden desires 11
*****************

Warning: The sex scene described in the story is fictional.  It's wise to
engage in safe sex all the time. (Yes, after 10 chapters, there is finally
going to be sex in the story!)

Note: This is the last installment of my story. I'll end the story with
this last chapter. I hope you guys will like the way I ended things. 


*****************
Hidden desires 11
*****************

	Shawn wasn't the only visitor I had that night. Mark came to see me
thirty minutes after Shawn left.  I knew right away that it has something
to do with Stephen. I nervously waited till he knocked on my door. I opened
it and saw him looking at me grimly.

	"Hey," I said as I forced a smile. "Come in. It's kinda late for
you to be out in the city." Mark came in my apartment and I closed it
behind him. I lead him to the couch where we both sat down. "Would like a
beer or a soda?"

	"I just want to talk to you," Mark said in a very serious voice. He
stared at me silently for a minute before he spoke again. "Stephen is very
angry at you."

	"I know," I sighed out deeply.

	"Why didn't you tell us Josh was your boyfriend?" Mark asked me.

	"Maybe because he's not," I said in frustration.

	"But Stephen said Josh kissed you on the lips," Mark looked at me
bewilderingly.

	"That's true," I nodded my head slowly. "We went to dinner
earlier. I thought it was just a friendly dinner but Josh assumed it was a
date. I didn't know he thought it was a date or that he'd kiss me or that
he was interested in me."

	"So you are not interested in him," Mark asked me warily.

	"I don't know!" I cried out exasperatedly. Then I focused my eyes
on him and said in a very serious tone, "I'm gay Mark." To my surprise,
Mark just grinned at me.

	"I pretty much knew that when Stephen said that Josh kissed you and
you didn't even push him away," Mark said to me.

	"I'm sorry I wasn't honest before," I said as I avoided looking at
his eyes now.

	"I understand," Mark sighed out deeply. "It must be pretty hard to
accept that let alone tell other people that."

	"Thanks," I said as I look at him again and gave him a smile. Then
I remember Stephen. "How's Stephen?"
	
	"Terrible," Mark shook his head at me. "His things were strewn all
over the floor and he was crying on his bed when I found him."

	"Oh Fuck," I said under my breath.

	"You should talk too him," Mark said as he stood up. "I don't want
to see him brooding and crying for the next few months. I had to put up
with you for a few weeks and I almost wanted to kill myself. Imagine if I
had to put up with a roommate with your attitude."

	"Scary," I said with a weak smile as I stood up. I showed him out
of my apartment and got ready for bed. I definitely should talk to Stephen.
**********

	I wasn't able to talk to Stephen the following day.  I saw him in
our class but he didn't sit next to me as usual and when the class was
dismissed, he immediately left. I decided to see if he was in his dorm
after I got out of my last class.

	I manage to slip in the dorms and immediately proceeded to his
room. I knocked on it softly and I heard someone shouting to come in. I
opened the door and peeked in. I saw Mark lying on his bed, reading a book
but Stephen was no where to be found.

	"Hey!" Mark said as he sat up on the bed and motioned me to come
in. I went in the room without closing the door behind me.

	"Where's Stephen?" I asked Mark softly as I sat down on a chair.

	"He's somewhere around here," Mark said too me vaguely. "I think he
went to talk too a few guys about some project or something. Why? Didn't
you get to talk to him earlier?"

	"He was kind of avoiding me," I said in frustration.

	"He's still a little angry at you Mark said to me slowly. "But I'm
sure it'll pass soon."

	"When I'm on my deathbed?" I joked at him feebly.

	"Give or take a few days," Mark smiled at me wanly. "I'm hoping
you're here to ask him out on a date tonight."

	"Actually I have a date with Josh later," I said too him softly. "I
just wanted to check up on Stephen and---"

	"Get the fuck out of my room!" A cold voice said over by the
door. I turned my head sharply and saw Stephen glaring at me.

	"Stephen!" I stood up and looked at him
uncomfortably. "I..Uhhh......"

	"If you're here to tell me what a perfect boyfriend Josh is, just
get the hell out or else I'll rip your heart out," Stephen said to me
angrily.

	"I just wanted to talk," I looked at him pleadingly.

	"Get out!" Stephen said in a bitter voice. I hung my head as I
realized that I couldn't reason with him yet. I didn't even bother to say
goodbye to him or Mark when I left the room. I turned around to look at him
again when the door slammed in my face loudly.

	"Fancy meeting you here," A voice beside me said happily. I turned
around and saw Josh smiling at me.  I managed to give him a weak smile.
	"Hey," I greeted him.

	"I was thinking that maybe I could buy some groceries and we could
cook dinner at your place later instead of going to a restaurant," Josh
said to me. I walked up to him and gave him a quick hug. I could tell that
surprised him. I quickly let go and just shook my head at him.

	"It's much better to just go out for dinner," I said softly. "I
don't think you'll like what I'm going to tell you later."

	"You're not saying what I think you're saying, are you?" Josh said
to me weakly. "You said that---"

	"Later, ok?" I interrupted him. "We'll talk later. See you." I
walked past him towards the stairs and went down to the lobby. I walked out
of the building and went to the bus stop. As I was riding home, I couldn't
help but wonder if I should just stick it out with Josh since Stephen
obviously hates me now.

***************

	"Bad idea," Shawn said to me as I checked myself on the
mirror. Shawn was lying on my bed as I was getting ready for my date with
Josh. DATE! I really used that word. Too bad that my first date with a guy
will likely be the last one in quite a while.

	"You really think so?" I faced him.

	"Yeah," Shawn nodded his head at me. "I told you to just go for
what makes you happy." We heard the buzzer ringing. I went to get it and it
turned out to be Josh.  I let him in as Shawn joined me in the living room.

"Thanks for being a friend Shawn," I smiled at him as I gave him a
hug. "It's nice to have someone to talk to about this thing."

	"Anytime," Shawn smiled at me. "I'll stay here until you come back
if that's ok with you. I want to know what happened."

	"Be my guest," I said as someone knocked on the door. I went to get
it and it was Josh.

	"Ready to go?" Josh asked me in a subdued voice.

	"Yeah," I said to him softly as I went out of the door.  We went
down to get a taxi to drive us to the restaurant. He didn't speak at all
during the cab ride and I was too busy thinking of what I'll say to talk to
him to.

	"It's Shawn, isn't it?" Josh asked me softly after the waiter
brought our food. I was cutting my steak when he said that. I sighed out
deeply as I lay down my fork and knife and looked at his eyes.
	
	"No," I shook my head.

	"Why did I see him in your place then?" Josh asked me softly.

	"I just asked him if I was doing the wrong thing and he said yes,"
I said to him softly.  I saw a smile begin to form in his face. I avoided
his eyes as I continued. "It's not what you think Josh."

	"But he told you that it's not a good idea to break up with me,
right?" Josh stammered out.

	"He said to me that it's wrong for me to use you like this," I
sighed out deeply. I closed my eyes for a second before I looked up at him
again. "I'm sorry but I don't think we can see each other like this
anymore."

	"But...." Josh said as he trailed off.
	
	"You mean a lot to me Josh," I said to him truthfully. "You're one
of my best friends and I really do mean that. I can't use you like this."

	"What do you mean?" Josh asked me slowly.
	
	"For a while, I was really thinking of going for it with you," I
smiled at him wanly. "But you deserve to be with someone who doesn't have
to force himself to love you. I can't ruin your happiness just because I
screwed up mine."

	"But I want you Jason," Josh said to me softly.

	"You said the other day that you didn't know what you feel for me,"
I said as I took his hands into mine. "I don't know how and I don't know
when, but I believe in true love now. Someday you'll meet a guy who'll
capture your heart the second you lay your eyes on him. And believe me,
he'll love you back the same way. I just hope that you don't end up
screwing your one chance of happiness like I did mine."

	"Jason......" Josh said to me as he squeezed my hands tightly.

	"You know I love you," I whispered to him softly. "But only as a
friend Josh. But to be entirely honest with you, I had this huge crush on
you before."

	"Then why don't we give it a try?" Josh asked me softly.

	"I wanted to so much Josh," I said as I felt tears started to form
in my eyes. "I wanted to be in love with you again so much because I know
that you won't let me be unhappy."

	"I know that you won't let me be unhappy too," Josh said to me as
he reached over and brushed the tears away from my eyes.

	"That's why I have to do this tonight Josh," I said to him. "I only
want the best for you and I know deep in my heart that I'm not the one who
can make you the happiest guy on the planet."

	"I'm sorry Josh," I said as I pulled my hands back. "I was trying
to tell myself that you're such a great guy and everything and I'll be a
fool if I can't fall in love with you. But along the way, I realized that
the problem was not that I didn't love you because I do love you."

	"The problem is that I love Stephen more," I said in a very soft
voice. "I'm in love with him Josh and I can't tell myself otherwise
anymore."

	"Stephen?" Josh repeated to me.

	"Sorry," I said to him. "I hope that we still can be friends. I
hate to lose you as a boyfriend but I'll hate it even more if I lose you as
a friend." Josh didn't say any more as he started to cut up his steak
silently. I sighed out as I wiped my tears and began to cut my steak too.

	"At least I do know one thing," Josh spoke up to me halfway through
dinner.

	"What?" I asked him as I looked up at him. I saw that he was
smiling at me weakly.

	"I'm your first boyfriend even though we lasted only for a few
days," Josh smiled at me. I smiled back at him.

	"Thank you for understanding," I said to him.

	"Anytime," Josh said to me. "What are best friends for? Especially
those who dated for a while."

***************

	"Are you ok?" Mark asked me softly as we were making sure the place
was ready for the party that was about to start in an hour.

	"Yeah," I forced a smile at him as we watched some guys decorating
the place.

	"You look so depressed since this morning," Mark said to me
slowly. I sighed out deeply as I gave him a weak. Stephen had pretty much
avoided me for the rest of the week. I wanted so much to talk to him but I
know how mean and rotten people can get when they are in a bad mood. He'll
probably just say something we'll both regret later.

	"Things aren't working out like I hoped," I shrugged my shoulders
at him. "I mean, I had this thing for Josh since we were freshmen. I still
can't believe I broke it off with him."

	"You really did broke up with him, huh?" Mark said to me with a
grin.
	
	"How did you know?" I asked him in surprise.

	"We sort of overheard your conversation with him outside our room,"
Mark said to me to my surprise.

	"We?" I asked him slowly.

	"Stephen and me," Mark said as he looked at the guys who were
working. "I told him you were breaking up with him but he said that it must
be some other thing."

	"Ohhh," I said to him, not really sure what to say.

	"He's pretty calm now," Mark said to me as he stood up. "At least
he's not crying anymore. Why don't you try talking to him later?"

	"Later?" I said as my jaws dropped in shock.

	"I invited him over to our party and he agreed," Mark smiled at me
broadly. "I'll just check up how's the band doing. See you later." I
grabbed the soda I was drinking and gulped it down. Stephen's coming later!

****************

	"Where is he?" I said under my breath as I watched the door
impatiently. It was 8 in the evening already and the party is in full
swing.

	"Who?" Josh asked me softly. We were standing in a corner, making
small talk.

	"Stephen," I said as I blushed deeply.

	"Isn't that him?" Josh said to me as he pointed to the door. I
looked at the door sharply and it was indeed Stephen! But what I saw next
made me want the earth to open up and swallow me. Gary was with him!

	Gary was scanning the room and he saw Josh and me. He whispered
something to Stephen, grabbed his arm and led him towards us. Josh placed a
hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Are you ok?"

	I didn't answer him as I watched Gary and Stephen walking towards
us. Gary was smiling at me broadly. "Hey Jason,
Josh. Congratulations. Stephen told me you guys are seeing each
other. You---"

	"Thanks but we---" Josh said as he blushed when he saw Stephen
looking at him intently.

	"Excuse me guys," I said in a weak voice. "I need to check
something up. Have fun Stephen, Gary." I quickly walked away and made my
way towards the bathroom. I went to the sink and wash my face with cold
water. I grabbed some paper towels and dried my face. I stared my
reflection and knew that I didn't want to see Gary and Stephen together the
whole night.

	I went out and quietly slipped out of the place. I told the guys at
the door that I wasn't feeling so good and that I was going home now. I
told them to tell the others that. Then I began to walk down the street
alone.

	FUCK! Why did I let myself fall for him anyway?! I knew it was just
going to end up with my heart breaking! I didn't feel like I control my
life anymore. The air was kinda chilly so I wrapped my hands around my
body. In my haste to get out, I forgot my jacket in the bar.
	
	I was about three blocks away when I heard a car honking. I looked
at the street and saw an unfamiliar Blue Porsche pulling besides me. My
eyes almost popped open when I saw Stephen getting out of the passenger
side. He leaned down and thanked the driver and closed the door. The
Porsche immediately left. I just stared at Stephen for a while and he did
that same thing to me.
	
	"You forgot this," Stephen said to me softly as he handed me my
jacket. I took it and out it on immediately.
	
	"Thanks," I smiled at him as I zipped it up. "I thought they were
going to find my frozen body on the street tomorrow morning."
	
	"That's not funny Jason," Stephen said to me seriously.

	"Ummm," I said as I looked around. "Your ride seem to have left."

	"I was wondering if we could talk somewhere private," Stephen said
to me. I looked at him quizzically for a while before I told him about this
coffeeshop in the corner. He agreed also we walked to the coffeeshop. I
ordered some hot black coffee and he ordered hot chocolate.

	"So," I said as I put sugar on my coffee and began to stir it. "You
and Gary are dating now?"

	"NO!" Stephen said loudly as he gave me a funny look. "Where did
you get a stupid idea like that?"

	"You went together at the party?" I shrugged my shoulders.

	"It's a singles party, remember?" Stephen smiled at me weakly. "To
be honest, that's the last place I expected you and Josh to be tonight."

	"We kinda broke up already," I said to him then I sipped my coffee.

	"That's what Josh told me," Stephen nodded his head. Then he hung
his head, "I'm sorry for acting like a jerk. I---"

	"No, I'm sorry Stephen," I sighed out deeply. "I should have just
told you I'm gay when I found out about you. I just didn't know how to do
it without sounding like I was coming on to you."

	"I'm sorry if I was putting pressure on you or something," Stephen
said as he hung his head. "I shouldn't have thought that you'll like---"

	"But I do," I whispered softly.

	"Huh?" Stephen looked up at me sharply.

	"I do like you Stephen," I smiled at him as I felt my heart
skipping a beat. It felt so good finally telling him just how I felt for
him. "I like you a lot. I was just afraid that you don't feel the same
way."

	"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Stephen stared at me in disbelief.

	"I didn't want to scare you off or sound like I was coming on to
you," I said truthfully. "Besides, I keep telling myself that with the way
I treated you before, there's no way you could feel the same about me."

	"You have been pretty rotten towards me," Stephen said as he broke
into a grin. "Made my life hell and treated me like dirt."

	"Sorry," I said as I hung my head in shame.

	"But I still keep trying to be your friend in spite all of that,
right?" Stephen said to me as he leaned forward and reached for my chin and
forced me to look at his eyes. Then he sat back down. "I knew you were just
having some problems and that in reality, you were a pretty sweet and nice
guy. I was right."

	"I don't deserve you Stephen," I shook my head at him.

	"I think I know who deserve me or who don't," Stephen grinned at
me. "Maybe you'd want to go back to the party now or we could just walk
around for a bit. What do you say?"

	"I'd love to walk around for a while," I said to him with a
smile. We paid our tab and went outside. As we were walking and looking at
the shop windows, we were making small talk. It still felt a little weird
talking to him again after what happened but it felt really good also.

	I slowly reached out and took his hand into my own. To my surprise,
he grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. I looked up at him and saw him
smiling down at me. He let go of my hand and put his arm around my waist
and pulled me close to him. I sighed out in content as I leaned against his
body. I could have stayed like that with him forever but we were already on
my street.

	"Would you like to come up for a while?" I asked him as we pulled
apart when we were in front of my apartment building.

	"No funny business now, ok?" Stephen smiled at me teasingly. He
grabbed my hand and led me inside the building and we rode the elevator to
my apartment.

	"Would you like some beer or some soda?" I asked him as we went
inside my apartment. I closed the door behind me as he took off his
jacket. I unzipped my jacket and took it off too.

	"A beer would be great," Stephen said as he went to the couch and
sat down. I went to the kitchen and got two beers and went back to the
livingroom and sat down besides him. I gave him his beer. He took it and
placed it down on the coffeetable. I placed my next to him and then made
myself comfortable. Stephen was flipping the channels until he settled for
an old movie.

	"It's one of my favorites," Stephen said to me as he leaned
back. He reached over to me and pulled me close to him. He was staring at
my face.
	
	"Shouldn't you be looking at the TV screen then and not at me?" I
asked him softly.

	"I should but the TV can't look back at me like you are doing right
now," Stephen said softly as he reached for my cheek with his other hand
and gently caressed my cheek. "I know we haven't know each other for that
long Jason so what I'll say next will probably sound insane too you. I love
you."

	"That's good considering that I love you back," I said to him
huskily. "I loved you the first time I saw you." Stephen leaned down and
his lips met mine for the first time.

	I didn't really understand before what people meant by seeing
fireworks when they kiss a guy or girl but now I do.  As I felt his soft
lips brushing against mine, I couldn't help but moan softly. Then I felt
his tongue starting to probe into my mouth, first touching my lips then it
started to go into my mouth gently. I opened my mouth slightly and his
tongue slipped in.

	I wrapped my hands around his now and was caressing his back and
his hair, urging him on.  We were locked like that for a few minutes before
he pulled away from me slowly.

	"Wow," Stephen said as he catched his breath. Then he smiled at me
sheepishly, "I'm sorry about that. I just couldn't help myself."

	"I'll forgive you if you just do that again," I smiled at him
impishly. I pulled his head back towards mine and this time I initiated the
kiss. I push him down on the couch and lay on top of him, my hands all over
his chest, feeling it through the shirt he wore.

	"Are you sure about this?" Stephen gasped out as I started to lick
on his neck.

	"Only if you are," I said as I stopped sucking on his neck and
looked up at his face.

	"Yes," Stephen said to me as he pushed me off him and he stood
up. "But I want to do this right so...." He trailed off as he picked me up
in his arms gently. He was giving me this mischievous look as he headed for
my bedroom.  He walked up to my bed and gently lay me down in the
middle. Then he lay besides me and began to kiss me again. We made out for
at least fifteen minutes, neither of us wanting to end the kiss.

	Somehow we managed to get our shirt and pants off and we were just
in our boxers now. I broke the kiss as I rolled on top of him. I began to
kiss my way down to his chest. We I licked his nipples, he groaned out
softly. I took it in my mouth and bit it gently. I did the same too the
other nipple before I continued licking and kissing my way down to his
navel.

	I placed my hand on his cock and was squeezing it gently. I
straddled his legs as I pulled his boxers off. He was lying there with his
hands behind his head, smiling at me broadly.

	My eyes grew large when I saw his cock. It was easily 8" big. I
wrapped my hand on it and stroked it a few times before bending over and
licking the head for the first time. I tasted my precum and savored the
flavor Stephen was groaning loudly now. I opened my mouth and put more of
his cock into my mouth.

	I sucked it as I tried to take it all the way down my throat but I
only managed to get 5" into my mouth. I ended up just licking and sucking
the head. Then he pulled me up and gave me a deep French kiss before he
rolled on top of me.

	I couldn't explain the feeling as he was kissing and licking my
body. I was holding his head not sure whether to push him away or keep him
there. Then he took off my boxers and put my cock into his mouth.  I gasped
out as a weird feeling shoot all over my body. I began to squirm as he took
my cock deep into his mouth and sucked it.

	"Shit!" I groaned out as he began to bob his head up and down my
cock. I was almost ready to cum when he pulled off my cock and lay on top
of me again. He began too kiss me passionately then he leaned down too my
ear and began to nibble at my earlobes.

	"Can I fuck you Jason?" Stephen whispered to me huskily.

	"I..I don't know," I said fearfully. "I haven't done that yet."

	"Me neither," Stephen said to me as he rubbed his cock against
mine. "I had a few encounters with guys before but I haven't done that
yet. I really do want to fuck you Jason. I promise I'll be gentle."

	"I'm really afraid," I said to him. He looked into my eyes and
grinned at me. I whispered to him, " But I trust you."

	"I love you Jason," He said as he leaned down and kissed me again
for a few seconds. "It's ok if we don't do this yet. I want you to be
happy." Stephen just kissed me again as he began to rub our cocks
together. My hands were all over his back. I reached down and cupped his
butt a few times too.

	I felt his cock getting harder and his breathing getting
quicker. He was kissing me with urgency now. Then I felt his body stiffen
as his cock shot it's load between our bodies.  He was sucking on my neck
now as my cock erupted just as he was finished cumming.  I groaned loudly
as I humped against him. He was grinding his hips into mine gently too.

	"That was great," Stephen said to me as he lay on top of me,
catching his breath.

	"I'm sorry if didn't let you-" I whispered to him.

	"Don't worry about it," He looked deep into my eyes and gave me an
impish smile. "We'll get to that part sooner or later. The most important
thing is that we're together now, like this."

	"We'd better take a shower," I said to him. He pulled away from me
and pulled me up. We decided to take a shower together. I turned the shower
on and hot water cascaded down our bodies.

	"I love you," Stephen said to me as I got the soap and started to
lather my hands.

	"I love you back," I said as I gave him a quick kiss on the lips.


	Stephen decided to stay for the night. As I was lying in his arms,
listening to him snoring softly, I could help but feel happy. And I don't
mean happy because I got a present or I have money or I got a high grade on
an exam. I wasn't even happy because I was in the arms of a great guy. I
was happy because I was me. And that probably is what true happiness
is. And I love Stephen not because he was a great guy or handsome or rich
or what. I love him because he made me happy just being plain old me.

*********THE END******* *********THE END*******



Note: I finally got to the end at last! Thanks too all those who read my
story especially those who wrote me.  I know the sex scene was kinda
lame. I was going to make it a little hotter but I figured that since it
was Jason's first time, it shouldn't be as hot as I would like.

Note: I'm working on a new story, this time dealing more about
relationships rather than coming out.  It's tentatively titled 'Ordinary
Love'. I'll probably post it in the adults-friends section soon. I hope
you'll read it also.

Email: Sliders21@iname.com













***************** Hidden desires 11 ***************** Warning: The sex
scene described in the story is fictional.  It's wise to engage in safe sex
all the time. (Yes, after 10 chapters, there is finally going to be sex in
the story!)

Note: This is the last installment of my story. I'll end the story with
this last chapter. I hope you guys will like the way I ended things.



***************** Hidden desires 11 *****************

	Shawn wasn't the only visitor I had that night. Mark came to see me
thirty minutes after Shawn left.  I knew right away that it has something
to do with Stephen. I nervously waited till he knocked on my door. I opened
it and saw him looking at me grimly.

	"Hey," I said as I forced a smile. "Come in. It's kinda late for
you to be out in the city." Mark came in my apartment and I closed it
behind him. I lead him to the couch where we both sat down. "Would like a
beer or a soda?"

	"I just want to talk to you," Mark said in a very serious voice. He
stared at me silently for a minute before he spoke again. "Stephen is very
angry at you."

	"I know," I sighed out deeply.

	"Why didn't you tell us Josh was your boyfriend?" Mark asked me.

	"Maybe because he's not," I said in frustration.

	"But Stephen said Josh kissed you on the lips," Mark looked at me
bewilderingly.

	"That's true," I nodded my head slowly. "We went to dinner
earlier. I thought it was just a friendly dinner but Josh assumed it was a
date. I didn't know he thought it was a date or that he'd kiss me or that
he was interested in me."

	"So you are not interested in him," Mark asked me warily.

	"I don't know!" I cried out exasperatedly. Then I focused my eyes
on him and said in a very serious tone, "I'm gay Mark." To my surprise,
Mark just grinned at me.

	"I pretty much knew that when Stephen said that Josh kissed you and
you didn't even push him away," Mark said to me.

	"I'm sorry I wasn't honest before," I said as I avoided looking at
his eyes now.

	"I understand," Mark sighed out deeply. "It must be pretty hard to
accept that let alone tell other people that."

	"Thanks," I said as I look at him again and gave him a smile. Then
I remember Stephen. "How's Stephen?"
	
	"Terrible," Mark shook his head at me. "His things were strewn all
over the floor and he was crying on his bed when I found him."

	"Oh Fuck," I said under my breath.

	"You should talk too him," Mark said as he stood up. "I don't want
to see him brooding and crying for the next few months. I had to put up
with you for a few weeks and I almost wanted to kill myself. Imagine if I
had to put up with a roommate with your attitude."

	"Scary," I said with a weak smile as I stood up. I showed him out
of my apartment and got ready for bed. I definitely should talk to Stephen.
**********

	I wasn't able to talk to Stephen the following day.  I saw him in
our class but he didn't sit next to me as usual and when the class was
dismissed, he immediately left. I decided to see if he was in his dorm
after I got out of my last class.

	I manage to slip in the dorms and immediately proceeded to his
room. I knocked on it softly and I heard someone shouting to come in. I
opened the door and peeked in. I saw Mark lying on his bed, reading a book
but Stephen was no where to be found.

	"Hey!" Mark said as he sat up on the bed and motioned me to come
in. I went in the room without closing the door behind me.

	"Where's Stephen?" I asked Mark softly as I sat down on a chair.

	"He's somewhere around here," Mark said too me vaguely. "I think he
went to talk too a few guys about some project or something. Why? Didn't
you get to talk to him earlier?"

	"He was kind of avoiding me," I said in frustration.

	"He's still a little angry at you Mark said to me slowly. "But I'm
sure it'll pass soon."

	"When I'm on my deathbed?" I joked at him feebly.

	"Give or take a few days," Mark smiled at me wanly. "I'm hoping
you're here to ask him out on a date tonight."

	"Actually I have a date with Josh later," I said too him softly. "I
just wanted to check up on Stephen and---"

	"Get the fuck out of my room!" A cold voice said over by the
door. I turned my head sharply and saw Stephen glaring at me.

	"Stephen!" I stood up and looked at him
uncomfortably. "I..Uhhh......"

	"If you're here to tell me what a perfect boyfriend Josh is, just
get the hell out or else I'll rip your heart out," Stephen said to me
angrily.

	"I just wanted to talk," I looked at him pleadingly.

	"Get out!" Stephen said in a bitter voice. I hung my head as I
realized that I couldn't reason with him yet. I didn't even bother to say
goodbye to him or Mark when I left the room. I turned around to look at him
again when the door slammed in my face loudly.

	"Fancy meeting you here," A voice beside me said happily. I turned
around and saw Josh smiling at me.  I managed to give him a weak smile.
	"Hey," I greeted him.

	"I was thinking that maybe I could buy some groceries and we could
cook dinner at your place later instead of going to a restaurant," Josh
said to me. I walked up to him and gave him a quick hug. I could tell that
surprised him. I quickly let go and just shook my head at him.

	"It's much better to just go out for dinner," I said softly. "I
don't think you'll like what I'm going to tell you later."

	"You're not saying what I think you're saying, are you?" Josh said
to me weakly. "You said that---"

	"Later, ok?" I interrupted him. "We'll talk later. See you." I
walked past him towards the stairs and went down to the lobby. I walked out
of the building and went to the bus stop. As I was riding home, I couldn't
help but wonder if I should just stick it out with Josh since Stephen
obviously hates me now.

***************

	"Bad idea," Shawn said to me as I checked myself on the
mirror. Shawn was lying on my bed as I was getting ready for my date with
Josh. DATE! I really used that word. Too bad that my first date with a guy
will likely be the last one in quite a while.

	"You really think so?" I faced him.

	"Yeah," Shawn nodded his head at me. "I told you to just go for
what makes you happy." We heard the buzzer ringing. I went to get it and it
turned out to be Josh.  I let him in as Shawn joined me in the living room.

"Thanks for being a friend Shawn," I smiled at him as I gave him a
hug. "It's nice to have someone to talk to about this thing."

	"Anytime," Shawn smiled at me. "I'll stay here until you come back
if that's ok with you. I want to know what happened."

	"Be my guest," I said as someone knocked on the door. I went to get
it and it was Josh.

	"Ready to go?" Josh asked me in a subdued voice.

	"Yeah," I said to him softly as I went out of the door.  We went
down to get a taxi to drive us to the restaurant. He didn't speak at all
during the cab ride and I was too busy thinking of what I'll say to talk to
him to.

	"It's Shawn, isn't it?" Josh asked me softly after the waiter
brought our food. I was cutting my steak when he said that. I sighed out
deeply as I lay down my fork and knife and looked at his eyes.
	
	"No," I shook my head.

	"Why did I see him in your place then?" Josh asked me softly.

	"I just asked him if I was doing the wrong thing and he said yes,"
I said to him softly.  I saw a smile begin to form in his face. I avoided
his eyes as I continued. "It's not what you think Josh."

	"But he told you that it's not a good idea to break up with me,
right?" Josh stammered out.

	"He said to me that it's wrong for me to use you like this," I
sighed out deeply. I closed my eyes for a second before I looked up at him
again. "I'm sorry but I don't think we can see each other like this
anymore."

	"But...." Josh said as he trailed off.
	
	"You mean a lot to me Josh," I said to him truthfully. "You're one
of my best friends and I really do mean that. I can't use you like this."

	"What do you mean?" Josh asked me slowly.
	
	"For a while, I was really thinking of going for it with you," I
smiled at him wanly. "But you deserve to be with someone who doesn't have
to force himself to love you. I can't ruin your happiness just because I
screwed up mine."

	"But I want you Jason," Josh said to me softly.

	"You said the other day that you didn't know what you feel for me,"
I said as I took his hands into mine. "I don't know how and I don't know
when, but I believe in true love now. Someday you'll meet a guy who'll
capture your heart the second you lay your eyes on him. And believe me,
he'll love you back the same way. I just hope that you don't end up
screwing your one chance of happiness like I did mine."

	"Jason......" Josh said to me as he squeezed my hands tightly.

	"You know I love you," I whispered to him softly. "But only as a
friend Josh. But to be entirely honest with you, I had this huge crush on
you before."

	"Then why don't we give it a try?" Josh asked me softly.

	"I wanted to so much Josh," I said as I felt tears started to form
in my eyes. "I wanted to be in love with you again so much because I know
that you won't let me be unhappy."

	"I know that you won't let me be unhappy too," Josh said to me as
he reached over and brushed the tears away from my eyes.

	"That's why I have to do this tonight Josh," I said to him. "I only
want the best for you and I know deep in my heart that I'm not the one who
can make you the happiest guy on the planet."

	"I'm sorry Josh," I said as I pulled my hands back. "I was trying
to tell myself that you're such a great guy and everything and I'll be a
fool if I can't fall in love with you. But along the way, I realized that
the problem was not that I didn't love you because I do love you."

	"The problem is that I love Stephen more," I said in a very soft
voice. "I'm in love with him Josh and I can't tell myself otherwise
anymore."

	"Stephen?" Josh repeated to me.

	"Sorry," I said to him. "I hope that we still can be friends. I
hate to lose you as a boyfriend but I'll hate it even more if I lose you as
a friend." Josh didn't say any more as he started to cut up his steak
silently. I sighed out as I wiped my tears and began to cut my steak too.

	"At least I do know one thing," Josh spoke up to me halfway through
dinner.

	"What?" I asked him as I looked up at him. I saw that he was
smiling at me weakly.

	"I'm your first boyfriend even though we lasted only for a few
days," Josh smiled at me. I smiled back at him.

	"Thank you for understanding," I said to him.

	"Anytime," Josh said to me. "What are best friends for? Especially
those who dated for a while."

***************

	"Are you ok?" Mark asked me softly as we were making sure the place
was ready for the party that was about to start in an hour.

	"Yeah," I forced a smile at him as we watched some guys decorating
the place.

	"You look so depressed since this morning," Mark said to me
slowly. I sighed out deeply as I gave him a weak. Stephen had pretty much
avoided me for the rest of the week. I wanted so much to talk to him but I
know how mean and rotten people can get when they are in a bad mood. He'll
probably just say something we'll both regret later.

	"Things aren't working out like I hoped," I shrugged my shoulders
at him. "I mean, I had this thing for Josh since we were freshmen. I still
can't believe I broke it off with him."

	"You really did broke up with him, huh?" Mark said to me with a
grin.
	
	"How did you know?" I asked him in surprise.

	"We sort of overheard your conversation with him outside our room,"
Mark said to me to my surprise.

	"We?" I asked him slowly.

	"Stephen and me," Mark said as he looked at the guys who were
working. "I told him you were breaking up with him but he said that it must
be some other thing."

	"Ohhh," I said to him, not really sure what to say.

	"He's pretty calm now," Mark said to me as he stood up. "At least
he's not crying anymore. Why don't you try talking to him later?"

	"Later?" I said as my jaws dropped in shock.

	"I invited him over to our party and he agreed," Mark smiled at me
broadly. "I'll just check up how's the band doing. See you later." I
grabbed the soda I was drinking and gulped it down. Stephen's coming later!

****************

	"Where is he?" I said under my breath as I watched the door
impatiently. It was 8 in the evening already and the party is in full
swing.

	"Who?" Josh asked me softly. We were standing in a corner, making
small talk.

	"Stephen," I said as I blushed deeply.

	"Isn't that him?" Josh said to me as he pointed to the door. I
looked at the door sharply and it was indeed Stephen! But what I saw next
made me want the earth to open up and swallow me. Gary was with him!

	Gary was scanning the room and he saw Josh and me. He whispered
something to Stephen, grabbed his arm and led him towards us. Josh placed a
hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Are you ok?"

	I didn't answer him as I watched Gary and Stephen walking towards
us. Gary was smiling at me broadly. "Hey Jason,
Josh. Congratulations. Stephen told me you guys are seeing each
other. You---"

	"Thanks but we---" Josh said as he blushed when he saw Stephen
looking at him intently.

	"Excuse me guys," I said in a weak voice. "I need to check
something up. Have fun Stephen, Gary." I quickly walked away and made my
way towards the bathroom. I went to the sink and wash my face with cold
water. I grabbed some paper towels and dried my face. I stared my
reflection and knew that I didn't want to see Gary and Stephen together the
whole night.

	I went out and quietly slipped out of the place. I told the guys at
the door that I wasn't feeling so good and that I was going home now. I
told them to tell the others that. Then I began to walk down the street
alone.

	FUCK! Why did I let myself fall for him anyway?! I knew it was just
going to end up with my heart breaking! I didn't feel like I control my
life anymore. The air was kinda chilly so I wrapped my hands around my
body. In my haste to get out, I forgot my jacket in the bar.
	
	I was about three blocks away when I heard a car honking. I looked
at the street and saw an unfamiliar Blue Porsche pulling besides me. My
eyes almost popped open when I saw Stephen getting out of the passenger
side. He leaned down and thanked the driver and closed the door. The
Porsche immediately left. I just stared at Stephen for a while and he did
that same thing to me.
	
	"You forgot this," Stephen said to me softly as he handed me my
jacket. I took it and out it on immediately.
	
	"Thanks," I smiled at him as I zipped it up. "I thought they were
going to find my frozen body on the street tomorrow morning."
	
	"That's not funny Jason," Stephen said to me seriously.

	"Ummm," I said as I looked around. "Your ride seem to have left."

	"I was wondering if we could talk somewhere private," Stephen said
to me. I looked at him quizzically for a while before I told him about this
coffeeshop in the corner. He agreed also we walked to the coffeeshop. I
ordered some hot black coffee and he ordered hot chocolate.

	"So," I said as I put sugar on my coffee and began to stir it. "You
and Gary are dating now?"

	"NO!" Stephen said loudly as he gave me a funny look. "Where did
you get a stupid idea like that?"

	"You went together at the party?" I shrugged my shoulders.

	"It's a singles party, remember?" Stephen smiled at me weakly. "To
be honest, that's the last place I expected you and Josh to be tonight."

	"We kinda broke up already," I said to him then I sipped my coffee.

	"That's what Josh told me," Stephen nodded his head. Then he hung
his head, "I'm sorry for acting like a jerk. I---"

	"No, I'm sorry Stephen," I sighed out deeply. "I should have just
told you I'm gay when I found out about you. I just didn't know how to do
it without sounding like I was coming on to you."

	"I'm sorry if I was putting pressure on you or something," Stephen
said as he hung his head. "I shouldn't have thought that you'll like---"

	"But I do," I whispered softly.

	"Huh?" Stephen looked up at me sharply.

	"I do like you Stephen," I smiled at him as I felt my heart
skipping a beat. It felt so good finally telling him just how I felt for
him. "I like you a lot. I was just afraid that you don't feel the same
way."

	"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Stephen stared at me in disbelief.

	"I didn't want to scare you off or sound like I was coming on to
you," I said truthfully. "Besides, I keep telling myself that with the way
I treated you before, there's no way you could feel the same about me."

	"You have been pretty rotten towards me," Stephen said as he broke
into a grin. "Made my life hell and treated me like dirt."

	"Sorry," I said as I hung my head in shame.

	"But I still keep trying to be your friend in spite all of that,
right?" Stephen said to me as he leaned forward and reached for my chin and
forced me to look at his eyes. Then he sat back down. "I knew you were just
having some problems and that in reality, you were a pretty sweet and nice
guy. I was right."

	"I don't deserve you Stephen," I shook my head at him.

	"I think I know who deserve me or who don't," Stephen grinned at
me. "Maybe you'd want to go back to the party now or we could just walk
around for a bit. What do you say?"

	"I'd love to walk around for a while," I said to him with a
smile. We paid our tab and went outside. As we were walking and looking at
the shop windows, we were making small talk. It still felt a little weird
talking to him again after what happened but it felt really good also.

	I slowly reached out and took his hand into my own. To my surprise,
he grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. I looked up at him and saw him
smiling down at me. He let go of my hand and put his arm around my waist
and pulled me close to him. I sighed out in content as I leaned against his
body. I could have stayed like that with him forever but we were already on
my street.

	"Would you like to come up for a while?" I asked him as we pulled
apart when we were in front of my apartment building.

	"No funny business now, ok?" Stephen smiled at me teasingly. He
grabbed my hand and led me inside the building and we rode the elevator to
my apartment.

	"Would you like some beer or some soda?" I asked him as we went
inside my apartment. I closed the door behind me as he took off his
jacket. I unzipped my jacket and took it off too.

	"A beer would be great," Stephen said as he went to the couch and
sat down. I went to the kitchen and got two beers and went back to the
livingroom and sat down besides him. I gave him his beer. He took it and
placed it down on the coffeetable. I placed my next to him and then made
myself comfortable. Stephen was flipping the channels until he settled for
an old movie.

	"It's one of my favorites," Stephen said to me as he leaned
back. He reached over to me and pulled me close to him. He was staring at
my face.
	
	"Shouldn't you be looking at the TV screen then and not at me?" I
asked him softly.

	"I should but the TV can't look back at me like you are doing right
now," Stephen said softly as he reached for my cheek with his other hand
and gently caressed my cheek. "I know we haven't know each other for that
long Jason so what I'll say next will probably sound insane too you. I love
you."

	"That's good considering that I love you back," I said to him
huskily. "I loved you the first time I saw you." Stephen leaned down and
his lips met mine for the first time.

	I didn't really understand before what people meant by seeing
fireworks when they kiss a guy or girl but now I do.  As I felt his soft
lips brushing against mine, I couldn't help but moan softly. Then I felt
his tongue starting to probe into my mouth, first touching my lips then it
started to go into my mouth gently. I opened my mouth slightly and his
tongue slipped in.

	I wrapped my hands around his now and was caressing his back and
his hair, urging him on.  We were locked like that for a few minutes before
he pulled away from me slowly.

	"Wow," Stephen said as he catched his breath. Then he smiled at me
sheepishly, "I'm sorry about that. I just couldn't help myself."

	"I'll forgive you if you just do that again," I smiled at him
impishly. I pulled his head back towards mine and this time I initiated the
kiss. I push him down on the couch and lay on top of him, my hands all over
his chest, feeling it through the shirt he wore.

	"Are you sure about this?" Stephen gasped out as I started to lick
on his neck.

	"Only if you are," I said as I stopped sucking on his neck and
looked up at his face.

	"Yes," Stephen said to me as he pushed me off him and he stood
up. "But I want to do this right so...." He trailed off as he picked me up
in his arms gently. He was giving me this mischievous look as he headed for
my bedroom.  He walked up to my bed and gently lay me down in the
middle. Then he lay besides me and began to kiss me again. We made out for
at least fifteen minutes, neither of us wanting to end the kiss.

	Somehow we managed to get our shirt and pants off and we were just
in our boxers now. I broke the kiss as I rolled on top of him. I began to
kiss my way down to his chest. We I licked his nipples, he groaned out
softly. I took it in my mouth and bit it gently. I did the same too the
other nipple before I continued licking and kissing my way down to his
navel.

	I placed my hand on his cock and was squeezing it gently. I
straddled his legs as I pulled his boxers off. He was lying there with his
hands behind his head, smiling at me broadly.

	My eyes grew large when I saw his cock. It was easily 8" big. I
wrapped my hand on it and stroked it a few times before bending over and
licking the head for the first time. I tasted my precum and savored the
flavor Stephen was groaning loudly now. I opened my mouth and put more of
his cock into my mouth.

	I sucked it as I tried to take it all the way down my throat but I
only managed to get 5" into my mouth. I ended up just licking and sucking
the head. Then he pulled me up and gave me a deep French kiss before he
rolled on top of me.

	I couldn't explain the feeling as he was kissing and licking my
body. I was holding his head not sure whether to push him away or keep him
there. Then he took off my boxers and put my cock into his mouth.  I gasped
out as a weird feeling shoot all over my body. I began to squirm as he took
my cock deep into his mouth and sucked it.

	"Shit!" I groaned out as he began to bob his head up and down my
cock. I was almost ready to cum when he pulled off my cock and lay on top
of me again. He began too kiss me passionately then he leaned down too my
ear and began to nibble at my earlobes.

	"Can I fuck you Jason?" Stephen whispered to me huskily.

	"I..I don't know," I said fearfully. "I haven't done that yet."

	"Me neither," Stephen said to me as he rubbed his cock against
mine. "I had a few encounters with guys before but I haven't done that
yet. I really do want to fuck you Jason. I promise I'll be gentle."

	"I'm really afraid," I said to him. He looked into my eyes and
grinned at me. I whispered to him, " But I trust you."

	"I love you Jason," He said as he leaned down and kissed me again
for a few seconds. "It's ok if we don't do this yet. I want you to be
happy." Stephen just kissed me again as he began to rub our cocks
together. My hands were all over his back. I reached down and cupped his
butt a few times too.

	I felt his cock getting harder and his breathing getting
quicker. He was kissing me with urgency now. Then I felt his body stiffen
as his cock shot it's load between our bodies.  He was sucking on my neck
now as my cock erupted just as he was finished cumming.  I groaned loudly
as I humped against him. He was grinding his hips into mine gently too.

	"That was great," Stephen said to me as he lay on top of me,
catching his breath.

	"I'm sorry if didn't let you-" I whispered to him.

	"Don't worry about it," He looked deep into my eyes and gave me an
impish smile. "We'll get to that part sooner or later. The most important
thing is that we're together now, like this."

	"We'd better take a shower," I said to him. He pulled away from me
and pulled me up. We decided to take a shower together. I turned the shower
on and hot water cascaded down our bodies.

	"I love you," Stephen said to me as I got the soap and started to
lather my hands.

	"I love you back," I said as I gave him a quick kiss on the lips.


	Stephen decided to stay for the night. As I was lying in his arms,
listening to him snoring softly, I could help but feel happy. And I don't
mean happy because I got a present or I have money or I got a high grade on
an exam. I wasn't even happy because I was in the arms of a great guy. I
was happy because I was me. And that probably is what true happiness
is. And I love Stephen not because he was a great guy or handsome or rich
or what. I love him because he made me happy just being plain old me.

*********THE END*******

Note: I finally got to the end at last! Thanks too all those who read my
story especially those who wrote me.  I know the sex scene was kinda
lame. I was going to make it a little hotter but I figured that since it
was Jason's first time, it shouldn't be as hot as I would like.

Note: I'm working on a new story, this time dealing more about
relationships rather than coming out.  It's tentatively titled 'Ordinary
Love'. I'll probably post it in the adults-friends section soon. I hope
you'll read it also.

Email: Sliders21@iname.com