Date: Fri, 29 Apr 2011 10:20:55 -0700 (PDT) From: D H Subject: Homefront - Chapter 4 Questions or comments: Please send them to dhthewriter@yahoo.com. Also, please join the yahoo group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dhthewriter. Usual disclaimer applies. Homefront Chapter 4 Each of them went about their business over the next few days, and as they did, both Matt and Nick felt better than good. Of course, the sex they'd had was amazing, but it was because of the fact that, beyond the surface, basic, physical pleasure, there was something growing between them. It wasn't what they'd expected, but they didn't turn it away either. Each of them had lived in darkness for so long, but it seemed, through the time they spent together, the phone calls, and the Yahoo Messenger conversations, that the other was lighting a path in that darkness that led to peaceful existence. What they both realized, though, was that the other could only take them so far toward that peace, that part of their `recovery' had to come from within. For Nick, it would mean going to New York, the hometown that he hadn't seen in years. He'd had several opportunities to return, but he'd never taken any of them. His soul wasn't ready to say goodbye, completely, to his mother, and he knew that by returning, he would have to. Given the City's short distance from Providence, Rhode Island, he knew that if he went, he would also have to go there, to visit Corey. Matt's trip to Peru, quite obviously to everyone, had been an escape from the reality all around him, and since his return, he'd been to campus and around town, but he'd avoided visiting his grandparents' graves or the house that they'd purchased together just a few years after Dan finished law school. He wasn't quite ready to accept the fact that Dan was gone, though it knew it to be fact. So Nick and his counselor, a civilian counselor for which his military insurance would pay, on their regular Friday meeting after Matt came down, sat together and made a list of things that Nick should do to start the process of rebuilding his life. It started with a trip to New York. He had to go home, to put the past behind him. He had to go to Corey's grave, and if even if he talked to the grave, he needed to express how he felt. She knew how he felt about Corey; it was obvious from the way he would describe things that happened between them. She also knew that Matt was of an up-and-coming importance to him, but that his issues with Corey had to be settled before they go beyond what they, in that moment, had. With the list in hand, he called Jenny. While she couldn't take the entire week off, she had already planned to take the next Friday off to enjoy a long weekend. Nick knew he couldn't go alone, and she knew that he didn't need to, so she agreed to brush off plans that she'd made with Seth for a romantic weekend in New Orleans so that she could go with him. She knew that he would understand, which, of course, he did. At the same time, he knew that Matt probably needed to be pushed along his own path to recovery a little bit, so the weekend would be a great time for him to suggest that they get started on some things that Matt had been avoiding for some time: namely visiting the graves that his parents frequently went to, to refurbish the flowers and decorations that adorned their final resting places, and to start working on the house, so that he could make a decision about what was to be done with the huge Victorian a few blocks from the Square on South Cossart. On Thursday before they were to go, Nick drove up from Jackson and met Matt for a bit of afternoon delight at Seth's place. When Seth and Jenny both got off work from their jobs at competing banks, they joined the two of them only to find that both of them were giggling like children as they sat in Seth's living room, playing Xbox. After the two working stiffs changed into something more comfortable, the four of them went to Slice of the Boot, a swank little pizza place right on the Square. They joked and carried on as they normally did, as if nothing were changing about their situations, even though they knew that it was. The next morning, as Seth went to work long enough to assist in the closing on a condo that some rich alumni were buying for their kids, Matt drove the other two to Memphis. For once, Nick found himself flirting so relentlessly with Matt that Jenny just sat in the back, shaking her head. In reality, she was happy for both of them. She loved both men, and she was happy that they'd found each other. She was nervous for Nick, though, and she knew that Seth was planning a couple of things for Matt to help him along his own way. As he pulled to the upper level of the single terminal at Memphis International Airport, Matt climbed out of the Caddy, popping the trunk as the others climbed out. He grabbed Jenny's bags first, handing them to Nick before pulling Nick's from the trunk. "Y'all got everything you need?" he asked. "Yes sir," Jenny said as she hugged him. "Yeah. Is there anything we can get for you while we're up there?" Nick asked him. "That is very sweet of you, Nicholas," Matt smiled, "but I just want you to have a great time." "OK..." Nick said. "My god! Just kiss each other! We're already running late!" Jenny joked as Nick and Matt smiled, exchanging a peck on the lips, more as a joke to her than anything passionate between them. "Yes ma'am," Nick said as Matt stood there for a second, watching as they went into the terminal. Climbing back into the car and driving off, Matt started thinking about a lot of things. He knew exactly why Nick was going up there, and he knew that it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to start dealing with his own demons, those things from his past that he'd refused to deal with simply because it was easier not to admit their reality. As he got back into Mississippi, he laid down on the gas and trucked it down I-55. After passing the exit for Tunica, northwest Mississippi's gambling capital, and as he came to Hernando, he realized that he knew what needed to be done to get himself over that hurdle. He grabbed his cell phone and quickly found Seth's number in his contacts list. Pressing the green button, he waited for a second on Seth to answer. "Hello?" Seth asked, not looking at the caller ID before answering. "Hey. You still at work?" "I just left," Seth answered as he walked from Eudora Bank toward his home just off the Square. "So you feel up to changing into some shit you don't mind getting dirty and helping me with some stuff?" Matt asked. "What is it?" Matt waited for a second. "I'm gonna start cleaning out Pa's house," Matt answered. "Can I be honest?" "Fucker. You don't have to ask that!" Matt smiled. "OK. Well, Matt, you know I love you, right. You're my brother." "Yeah..." "You've needed to do this for a long time," Seth said, to silence on the line for a moment. "You there?" "Yeah. And I know. I just..." "You don't have to explain it to me, Matt," Seth smiled as he walked past a bookstore further down toward his home. "I know what he meant to you." "Thank you, Seth," Matt said. "And you don't have to thank me, dude. Seriously," Seth told him. "OK. Well I'm between Hernando and Coldwater. I need to make a couple of stops, and then I'll be over at your place." "Alright," Seth told him as he walked into his place. The two quickly said their good-byes, and Matt formed a plan in his mind of what all needed to happen that day. He needed to talk to Consuela, the only other person in the world with a key to the house. Since Matt had no clue where his was, he needed her to be there to let him into the house. After talking to her, he pulled off the interstate in Williams and headed down Highway 6 to Eudora. He made the decision, on his way, to stop at a little flower shop that was about halfway between the two cities, just over the line that separated Faulkner and Welty Counties. It was called `Martha's Garden' and was owned by a lady that had worked in Dan's law office for decades before he retired from the practice of the law. Since the owner, Ms. Martha Parsons-Higginbotham, wasn't ready to retire just yet, she and Dan had struck up a deal. She could use a piece of property that he owned to open a flower shop. She could do what she wanted with the land, and, for rent, she had to make sure that Dan had flowers whenever he needed. She was the one who'd done all the flowers for his funeral. As he pulled into the small, gravel parking lot, Ms. Martha and two of her grandchildren, Lee and Sarah, were there helping her out with some things as Ms. Martha and her husband, whom everyone in town called either Sneed or Santa, given his stomach and his white beard, were sitting on the shop's porch enjoying the beautiful summer morning. His car unsettling the gravel had caught their attention, though, and Ms. Martha, herself suffering in the final stages of her lung cancer, stood as she recognized the car that was pulling inside. "Well hello there," she said as she made her way to the stairs to come down and greet him. "Hey, Ms. Martha," Matt said as he climbed from the car. "How are you?" she asked as she struggled to make it down the three steps to the gravel parking area. "I'm doing great," Matt smiled and bent down to hug her as she made him. "How are you doing, though?" "I'm great. I'm pissed at you, though," she said, having never shied away from using the most colorful of words. "What did I do?" "You haven't brought me pictures from Peru, yet!!" she told him. "Oh!" Matt smiled. "What are you doing tomorrow?" Matt asked as he helped her back up the stairs. "And do I need to get Dad to send somebody out here to put a ramp in?" "Hell no!" she exclaimed. "The day I need a ramp to get up here is the day that somebody needs to shoot me in the head!" "Yes ma'am," Matt said as he greeted the other three people that were there. "So what can I do for your today, Matthew?" "I'm going to see Ma and Pa..." Matt started. "Lee and Sarah! Y'all go get some purple tulips from the greenhouse. Don't cut them, though; put them in a pot," she instructed her grandchildren. "And y'all bring Matt a trowel when you come back." "Yes ma'am," Lee answered for both of them as they went through the shop to the greenhouse behind it. "Ms. Martha. Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you?" Matt asked as he accepted her invitation and joined her and Sneed on the porch. "Stop asking me if I need anything!" she joked as they sat on a swing that was on one end of the shop's porch. "Yes ma'am," Matt smiled. It took Lee and Sarah a few minutes to get everything together, and as they did, Matt and Ms. Martha talked about so much. She was excited to hear about Peru, what all he'd done and all the things that he'd experienced. It did her heart good to hear that he was going about his life. As she hung on every word that was coming from his mouth, she enjoyed the passing moments that she was spending with this man that she considered one of her grandchildren, having known him since he was born. When Lee and Sarah returned with the flowers, she gave him very specific instructions. He was to go directly to the grave site and plant them in the ground. He was not to go anywhere or do anything until that was done. He agreed, and, a few minutes later, he and Lee were taking things to the Cadillac. "Will you do me a favor?" Matt asked Lee. "If I can..." "Let me know if y'all need anything," he told him. "I will," Lee told him. Matt, a moment later, as Ms. Martha stood to wave goodbye, pulled from the space and headed toward town. A little heavy on his heart was the fact that he was going, per Ms. Martha's instructions, to the gravesite. From Highway 6, he turned onto Jackson, driving down for a few miles until he came into downtown. Taking streets that he'd known growing up, he bypassed the Square and made his way to North Cossart Boulevard. Within a moment, he was at St. Peter's Cemetery. He parked on the street for a moment, just across the street from the home that John Grisham owned. Just north of where was he was was the condominium that Shepard Smith occupied when he was in town. He could feel himself getting emotional, not because of the those people or any of the famous people that were buried there, but because it was the final home of the man that had, in his 22 years, exerted the most influence over Matt's life. With a deep breath, though, he pulled himself from the car. The weight of what he was about to do was on him as he pulled the flowers from the back seat. He walked onto the grounds of the cemetery, his every step caused his feet to grow heavier and heavier. He passed William Faulkner's gravesite, as well as the place where Anthony Cossart, the only politician in Mississippi's history to serve in all three branches of the United States Federal Government, was buried. Neither of those men, though, held as much sway over him as the man that he was there to visit. In one of the dips in the land that was in the cemetery, he eventually found the plot that belonged to the most powerful man that had ever been in his world. "Hey Ma," he said to his grandmother as he arrived. "Ms. Martha sent you some flowers," he added as he held the flowers up, as if she were actually there to enjoy them. He lowered himself onto his knees, "she told me that I was to put them into the ground as soon as I got here." He stopped for a moment to brush the leaves that had fallen onto her headstone from the tree that shaded the sight. "I hope that you enjoy them." He took the trowel and dug into the ground, making a hole big enough to plant the three bulbs that had produced the most beautiful purple flowers. He carefully placed each of them into the ground and covered with some of the dirt from the pot. He then sat onto his haunches for a moment and admired his handiwork. He'd done a good job planting them according to Ms. Martha's instructions. He talked to her for a minute, as he always had, but turned his attention, a moment later, to the grave right beside hers. It was a quiet moment for him as he brushed the leaves off his grandfather's grave. When it was clean, he sat back up and looked at it. It was a simple headstone, containing his name, Daniel C. Landry, Sr., and the dates of his birth and death. "Hey Pa," he said as he turned all the attention he could find toward the stone that marked the place where his grandfather rested. He felt himself tearing up, getting emotional as he sat there. "I'm sorry that I haven't been by to visit. After last summer, I needed to get away. I went to Peru to do some volunteer work. You would have been so proud of me. I helped build a school that the town has named after you. "So there's been a lot of stuff going on since I got back, too," Matt explained. "Mom and Dad are having sex a lot more often. It's to the point where I really need to move out. Oh! And Seth has a girlfriend! She's an actual, exclusive, girlfriend. Pa, I've never seen him so happy. He joked about how she lays it out good for him, but I know... I know that he's in love with her. You'd approve of her. She's him with girl parts!" He stopped for a moment. "And I've met someone that I think you would approve of. His name is Nick. He's Jenny's cousin, which is weird by itself, but Pa, he is... he is exactly what I've been looking for. He's strong, smart ass... and he's a Marine!" Matt stopped to pick his words. "He is an amazing man, Pa," Matt started a moment later. "I wish you were here to approve of him! Y'all would get along." Matt told the stone, as if it were actually the man that he was there to visit. "God, I miss you, Pa. In the last year, there have been so many times that I've needed you. Dad's doing as best as he can, but I need... you. Why couldn't you just try the treatment, Pa? Why?" Matt started to cry. "I'm so pissed at you. OK. So I'm not really... I just... I just miss you... a lot. Things aren't the same without you around, Pa." Matt looked down at the stone. "Like, I know nothing about running a company. I thank God that Derek and Dad know what they're doing, cause all of it is over my head. And the house? What am I supposed to do about the house? Part of me wants to sell it, but part of me needs to keep it... for the memories." Matt stayed there, for a little while, just sitting on his knees as a million thoughts went through his mind, all of them related to the old man who was buried there. He was so lost in them that he didn't notice that Seth had quietly pulled the Tahoe to a place just behind the Caddy. Climbing from the truck, he could see Matt sitting beneath the tree that shaded his grandparents' graves. There was so much that he wanted to do to help, Matt, but this moment, this time, was Matt's and Matt's alone. He needed to do this by himself, for himself. A few minutes later, Matt stood, grabbing the pot and putting the trowel inside. He promised his grandmother that he would come by and visit more often, and, as he looked at his grandfather's headstone, he promised to make something of his life. He promised not to let the bad feelings he had right then purvey themselves to every single aspect of his life. He thanked his grandfather for the lessons that he'd taught him and hoped that he'd be able to apply them in a manner in which Dan would approve. Slowly, he turned away, his head hung low. "Hey," Matt said to Seth as he walked up. "How are you?" "Good," Seth said. "More importantly, though, how are you?" "I'm alright," Matt sniffled. The crying had caused his nose to run a little bit. "At least I'm going to be." "Good..." Seth smiled. "Consuela called me a few minutes ago, so I went by the house and got her key. She said that she and Madelyn had plans for the afternoon and apologized that she didn't get to see you." "Thank you," Matt said as he put the pot and trowel into the trunk. "So why don't we go get some lunch and then we'll go to the house?" Seth asked. "What time is it?" "11:30," Seth answered after looking at his watch. "Shit. I didn't realize I was down there that long," Matt mentioned. "Yeah. From being in the sun, your neck is turning kinda red," Seth smiled. Matt gave him a look, picking up on the joke but trying, albeit unsuccessfully to act as though he were offended. The two picked up lunch at a local sandwich shop a few minutes later and headed over to the house. Seth was determined not to let him too far out of his sight while they were there, for that's just the kind of friend that he was. As they pulled into the drive, Matt was first, followed by Seth, and the two parked their cars just behind the huge home that had been Matt's second home growing up. Seth handed him the key as the two walked, their lunch in hand, toward the back porch. Like most Southern homes, the place had a huge back porch, screened in, with fans that constantly circulated the air blowing through the wire mesh. That part of the house, as always, was immaculate, but neither of them took more than a second as Matt inserted the key into the door to open up the house. The air from inside came rushing toward them as Matt stepped into the clean, white kitchen. One could immediately tell from the look of things that it was an old house. The cabinets were white; the countertops were made from white tiles. The appliances were still relatively new, though, having been purchased a couple of years before Dan's infirmity overtook him. As Seth sat at the kitchen table, Matt grabbed a stack of mail that Consuela had brought in from the mailbox outside. There were some household bills, including the power and gas bills that needed to be paid, as did the water bill from the city. Matt said that he would have to deal with that later, and joined Seth at the table to finish their lunches. It felt weird being there, sitting there as they had countless times over the years. In the back of his mind, Matt was waiting for Dan to come barreling into the kitchen, even though he knew it wouldn't happen. When lunch was finished, the guys each put their trash into the compactor beside the sink and started walking through the house. The formal dining room was clean and neat, as always. The table was polished and the china cabinet was free from even the slightest particle of dust. They walked through the foyer, with its huge window above the door that was letting in a lot of natural light, before coming to the formal living room. It was much as one would expect a Southern salon to be, with antique couches and tables arranged around the huge fireplace that was against the outer wall. The curtains were heavy, but sheers blocked the view inside the house most of the time. The photos that Dan had always kept on the mantle were still there, including pictures of all the members of his immediate family. The next room, though, was one of the three places on the grounds of the old man's estate that Matt was dreading entering: Dan's den. Before Virginia's passing, it had been the family room, but she'd left instructions that the room be turned into a den for Dan and Dan alone. There was another fireplace in that room, along the exterior wall of the house, and above it was a huge TV hanging from the wall. Bookshelves on either side contained all the appropriate electronics as well as countless works for priceless literature. Several original copies of books were there, including most of Faulkner's corpus, as well as that of several other influential Mississippi and Southern writers. There was an old copy of Dante's Divine Comedy, as well as copies of the Iliad and Odyssey from which Dan had read when he was in college. In the middle of the room was a leather couch, flanked on either side by reclining chairs. Oak paneling hung on the walls, and the floor, while covered with an antique rug, was made from hardwood as well. Along the interior wall were several paintings that Pa had commissioned from one of his tenants that found himself unable to pay for rent. The paintings of various scenes and people were accepted in lieu of cash. On the back of a portrait of the grandchildren was a six-digit number, and Matt, knowing that it was there, took it from the wall and had Seth type the number out into his phone. Given that that room was clean as well, Matt and Seth left through another entrance that came out just behind the Grand Staircase in the middle of the house. Upstairs were five bedrooms, one of which had been Matt's growing up. One was, unofficially, Seth's, as Matt's cousins had never used theirs. Linda and Junior still had their rooms upstairs, which had always been museums of sorts for their achievements. At the top of the stairs, though, was a huge set of double doors through which one must pass to enter the master suite. Matt in front of the line, they walked upstairs and stood on the landing just outside the door. Putting his hands on the two knobs, Matt slowly turned them and pushed open the white doors that led into the room that Dan and Virginia had shared together, the room in which both of them had passed when their times came to join the spirit world. Directly ahead was a set of French doors that led to a small balcony that overlooked the back yard. Like the porch below, it was screened in so that one could enjoy being outside without being completely outside. To their left was Dan's `upstairs entertainment center' and a door that led to the bathroom. On the right side, Dan's bed was in the center of the wall. On either side were doors that led to their individual closets. While Consuela had the run of the house, that room was never touched. The bed was made, but only because Becky and Linda had come into the room after Dan's body was removed to clean up. It was Linda's way of coping with the loss of both of her parents, for Virginia had always insisted that bedrooms be clean places. "Holy shit!" Matt said as he stood in the middle of the room. "What?" Seth asked. "Shit... I can't do this, Seth..." "Yes you can, Matt," Seth said as Matt turned around. Matt, shaking his head, fell into Seth's embrace. "NO... I can't..." Matt told him. "Matt. Dude. I'll help where I can, but you have to...for you..." Seth told him. Matt knew he was right, but it was hard, very, very hard. He was instantly reminded of those final moments in Dan's life, when he was fighting just to breathe. Matt could remember reading to him in those final days of his life, when all that seemed to sooth his angry soul was the way Matt read To Kill a Mockingbird. The room still smelled like him. No other room in the house was like that, but this one was. "Do you want to start in here?" Seth asked. While he felt, in the seconds that followed, that his words were cold as ice, Matt knew how he meant them. He intended for them to be warm and friendly, but also to push him to the point where he needed to be, to go where he needed to go in his life. "We... um... need to get out what's in the safe," Matt said. "I figured that's what the number was for," Seth told him as he pulled out his phone. He followed Matt as he again turned, tears still coming from his eyes, and walked to what had been Ma's closet at one point in time. Matt opened the door and walked inside. Seth followed. Only a handful of people knew that, behind the wall that supposedly separated the two closets, there was a huge, walk in safe where Dan kept some things that he didn't want anyone in the world to know about. He tried the combination once, but it didn't work. He cussed and kicked the door before trying it again. When it didn't work a second time, Seth moved him out of the way and quickly got it to unlatch. He turned and gave a huge, cheesing grin in Seth's direction as he turned the handle and popped open the door. The light from the window-less closet was enough to illuminate the place as Seth held the door and Matt walked inside. "Shit..." Matt said as he looked around. "What treasures are you finding?" Seth asked. "Pa's dress uniform," Matt noted. He pulled it from where it hung and showed it to Nick. It was still in a plastic bag from the last time he'd had it dry cleaned. "I can't do this Seth... not right now..." "You're OK, Matt," Seth told him, confidently. "What else is in there?" "There's a small humidor," Matt said. He bent down to open it up, only to find that, in there, were some Cubanos that his grandfather had. They were stale and dry, unfit for smoking, but they smelled like Matt always remembered his grandfather smelling. Beside it was a smaller safe with a keypad rather than a knob. "What's that number?" Matt asked. Seth read it aloud, and when Matt tried, there was no response. "Try Ma's birthday," Seth suggested. "No good," Matt told him. "Try your birthday," he went on. Matt punched in the number and was surprised when it worked. Opening it up, he found wads of cash and a little journal. It contained names of men that Matt knew he'd served with in World War II. There were names of men from Eudora that had fought in every single war since then, as well as a couple who'd lost their lives in other conflicts. Dan had always been a vehement supporter of peace, but he'd never forgotten that he was a Marine, and that the motto Semper Fidelis meant that he was, in a sense, his brothers' keeper. Perhaps that was why there were so many people at the funeral that he'd never seen before. -*-*- -*-*- -*-*- -*-*- -*-*- Matt felt sort-of odd as he continued rummaging through his grandfather's safe. Among those things he'd found at first, he encountered two small chests, one sitting atop the other. Each of them contained things that had belonged to his mother and uncle, things that Matt was sure they should have. As he continued working, though, Nick and Jenny's flight was arriving at Providence International Airport, just south of the smallest state's capital city. Sitting toward the front of the plane, thanks to an upgrade in their seats that Seth had arranged, they were able, as soon as the plane came to a stop, to climb from their seats and grab their things from the overhead compartment. They probably would have been fine, as the flight itself was OK, but with a group of screaming teenagers at the back of the plane and a few old ladies behind them colorfully discussing Scripture as they worked their crossword puzzles. Once in the terminal, they walked as fast as they could to baggage claim, thankfully getting their things together before the majority of people got there. As they walked outside, the quickly found a taxi that was waiting at the gate and were swept away from the small airport, almost as fast as they'd arrived. "Where to?" the driver asked as they were leaving the airport. "22 South Main, Woonsocket, please?" Nick asked as Jenny sent a quick message to let her beloved know that they'd made it safely to New England. The man, knowing exactly where to go, drove to Providence, taking them on a route that caused them to pass so many old buildings in one of the nation's oldest cities. Before long, though, they were in Woonsocket, and the driver was dropping them off in front of an old house that had been converted, more or less, into a small hotel. They'd found the place on Travelocity, and even though they were only planning to stay there a night, the deal was good, and it was close to where Nick needed to be. As Nick grabbed the bags from the trunk, Jenny paid the fair and the tip from money that he'd insisted she take. When the transaction was completed, the two stood there for a second. As Jenny admired the building itself, Nick took a moment to look around. How many times in his life had Corey passed this very building? Had he ever been inside? What must have been going through his mind in those final moments? Was he going to miss this place that he called home? "Come on," Jenny said after a second, nicely pushing him toward going inside. As they walked inside, they found the place's décor to be a little dated. It sort of reminded Nick of an antebellum home that he'd worked on before joining the Marines; it sort of reminded Jenny of The Golden Palace, that show that followed The Golden Girls. "Can I help you?" an older lady asked as she came in to help them. "I have a reservation... Nick Russo," Nick said as they walked to a desk where she'd taken a seat to look through a stack of papers for their reservation. "Here it is!" she said. "If I could just get you to sign these for me..." she started as Nick took a pen and started signing a couple of sheets of paper. "So where are you all from?" she asked. "Mississippi," Jenny answered. "Oh yeah?! My grandson went to Parsons University!" she said. "Really?!? When did he graduate?" "This past graduation!" she said. "Me too! What was his name?" she got all excited. "James Sheriden..." she told her. "I don't think I know him..." Jenny answered, looking at Nick as if he would know. "He was a vocal performance major," she said. "I bet Matt knows him!" Jenny looked at Nick. "One of our friends..." "Ah!" she said. "Well. I hope that you two have a good time in Woonsocket, and if there's anything I can do to make the stay more pleasant," she handed Nick the key to the room, "please let me know." "Yes ma'am," Nick and Jenny both said as they started to turn. "What's the best place to get some food around here? I'm a bit hungry," Jenny inquired. "I would say the best place, locally, is Jane's Grub. It's a couple of blocks from here, right on North Main," Ms. Sheriden responded. "You are a doll, ma'am," Jenny told her as Nick repositioned their bags on his shoulders and held the key in his hand. "Yes... Thank you," Nick smiled at her. "No problem guys!" she told them as they turned and walked toward the room. They walked in to find it pristine and clean as the two beds in the room were both made to what seemed to be exacting standards. There was a dresser across from them that held a small TV on top. A card beside it told them what channels the TV had access to. The bathroom, just off the bedroom, was small but adequate for the single night they were going to be staying there. As Nick put their suitcases onto the beds, Jenny ran into the room, talking about having to pee like a racehorse. "So how are we gonna do this?" Jenny asked as Nick opened his suitcase and began laying out some clothes that he planned on changing into. "I don't know yet," he answered, a million things going through his mind. "Would you be offended if I asked to go see him by myself?" "I don't guess..." Jenny said as she flushed the toilet and quickly washed her hands. "Are you sure?" "No. I'm just leaning in that direction for some reason." "Well. Why don't we go get some food first, and then you can decide," she suggested, almost knowing that Nick had already made his mind up, but giving him room to change it if necessary. "OK. I need to shower and change, though," Nick told her. "Works for me," she said. "I need to call Seth anyway." "OK..." Nick told her as he grabbed his things and walked into the bathroom. Once the water started, she grabbed her phone from her purse and dialed Seth's number. Still helping Matt, he walked away from the door of the safe for a moment, placing something in its path to keep the door open and excusing himself quickly. Stepping onto Pa's porch, they talked for a second, mostly about their gays, until Nick was out of the shower. With a couple of air kisses, their conversation ended, and each of them returned to the moment at hand. When Seth got back to the safe, Matt had found some old pistols that Pa had been storing in there for safe keeping, and Jenny quickly grabbed up her things to head into the shower. When she returned, Nick was lying on the bed, watching one of the local TV stations. After she brushed her hair, though, he clicked the remote and sat up on the bed. "I think it would be best if I went by myself." "That's fine, Nicky. Make sure you've got your phone with you, though, incase you need me. OK?" "Alright," Nick told her. She pulled her hair back into a pony tail as the two stood from their respective positions and walked toward the door. As they walked out of the hotel, Ms. Sheriden walked out with them, giving them very detailed directions on where to find the restaurant. They thanked her, genuinely, and walked up North Main for a couple of blocks until they came to a little whole-in-the-wall looking place. As they walked inside, they saw the booths that lined all the walls and the tables that were almost cramped in the middle. The name of the place implied that it would be almost diner-like, but they found themselves in the middle of a nice eatery. "If you guys want to take a seat, someone will be right with you," a young lady, around their age, mentioned to Nick and Jenny as she ran between tables. They took a booth along the far wall and waited for a moment until she brought over menus and silverware. She wrote down their drink orders, and, with a smile, told them that she'd be right back with them. It seemed as though she was the only person working, and with that, it took her a moment, but when she returned, they knew what they wanted. Again with the smile, she assured them that their choices were the best in the place. "What's on your mind?" she asked Nick as he looked off into space. "I wish I could say," Nick told her. "There's so much." "Start small then," she told him, keeping her eye on him as he didn't seem to be able to focus on anything. "The reason we're here..." Nick told her. "Mom... Matt..." "OK..." Jenny told him. "He's a great guy..." Nick started. "But?" "I'm not sure I'm ready for where we're heading," he told her. "I see..." Jenny added, showing that she was continuing to pay attention. "You just have to be honest with him." "I don't want to hurt him, though," Nick told her. "He'll probably be upset, true, but as long as you're honest with him, he'll respect you, I believe." "I know... And don't tell Seth about this conversation," he advised, looking at her. "I won't. It's between you and Matt." "Yeah..." Their mid-day meal came a few minutes later, and they quickly started to eat. True to their waitress's advice, it was a great set of dishes that they were served. Jenny's country ham with `Southern' veggies was a testament to just how little people outside the South understand of the region's cuisine, but it was still good. Nick had a plate of pasta with a huge baked chicken breast to one side. When they were finished, Jenny's plate was almost empty while Nick's appeared barely touched. The waitress offered to put it into a box for him as she brought back the card with which Nick had paid the check. They left a few minutes later and walked back to the hotel. Standing outside, Jenny looked up at Nick. "Are you sure about this?" "Yeah..." Nick told her. "I'm sorry for dragging you up here to just leave you at the hotel." "Nick. Shut up!" she told him. "It's fine. Just call or text if you need me. OK?" "Alright," he said as she took his box of food. He surprised her a moment later by just giving her a hug. "Thank you for coming, though." "It's fine, sweetie," she said as she hoped that what positive energy she could muster would transfer over to him. In a moment, she walked into the hotel and he walked off in the opposite direction. Ms. Sheriden asked if he was OK, and Jenny replied that he would be, as soon as he said goodbye to a friend. The two talked for a bit, and Jenny explained that he was a Marine and that his best friend had been from Woonsocket. She completely understood as she grabbed a master key to let her into the room, since the only other key was in his pocket. As Nick walked down South Main toward the church where Corey was buried, he felt almost as if his feet were becoming heavier and heavier with each step. Having done some research and making some phone calls, he knew exactly where Corey was buried, including the place in the cemetery where he'd find the headstone. Walking up to it, he started to cry as he read the name. "Sgt. Corey O'Neil, USMC – 1984 – 2008 – Son, Hero". The flowers were fresh, and the tiny flag was almost waving in the gentle breeze. Above them, shading the grave, was a towering oak tree, still green from the summer weather. He just stood there for a while, unable to say anything, to do anything. The reality of that moment meant that months' worth of denial were for naught. Corey was gone, and he had to live with that fact. No amount of thinking of him, or reliving those final moments could change the past. Nothing like those good times the two shared would ever happen again, and no one, he realized in that moment, could ever compare to the man that Corey was, not to him. He took a seat on the soft grass and continued to just be there silently for a few minutes. "Corey," he finally managed to say, the full emotional force of the moment erupting from his body, violently. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you; I'm sorry that I'm the reason you're not here. If you'd not been defending me, you wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be here today, and somewhere, maybe, we'd be working out how to make it work between us." He reached his hand out and touched the stone. It was cold, lifeless, but it was a connection to Corey, in all the finality that the moment had. "I love you, too, and I always will. Thank you for what you did for me, and I pray that you're somewhere, at peace." His thoughts again went to Matt, who was in Mississippi, doing only God knew what. Matt was a great guy, an amazing man, full of life, strong, humble. He was smart and sexy, with an angelic voice, even though he'd never heard Matt sing. Everything about him was perfect, but Nick had, quite consciously, been comparing him to Corey the whole time they'd known each other. The sex was amazing, and while it was filled with feelings, Nick wasn't sure that they were the feelings that Matt deserved from him. "I miss you," he said to Corey again, still holding his hand against the stone. "I have to go now, and it might be a while before I can come see you again, but I promise that I will never forget you." He tried to imagine what Corey would have said if he'd been there. No doubt, it would have been heavily accented and quite smart-assy. He kissed the inside of his fingers on his free hand and put it on the stone. He closed his eyes as the last of the tears he could release in that moment fell from his eyes down his cheeks and then onto the ground. It took him a moment, but he was finally able to let go of the stone. He sat up for a second and took a few deep breaths and looked up, toward the brilliant blue sky. After a few blinks, he repositioned himself and stood. He wiped the tears from his puffy eyes and turned to walk away. His body was almost numb as he walked back to the hotel. As he walked in, Jenny and Ms. Sheriden were sitting there, smiling as they conversed about Mississippi. The older of the two ladies got a feeling that she needed someone to talk to as much as he needed to be there. It was her way, in a sense, of keeping her mind off things. As he returned, though, she thanked Ms. Sheriden for her time and went, with Nick, back to the room they'd rented. Nick said nothing. Her questions were answered with grunts as he stripped down to his briefs and climbed into his bed, quickly falling asleep and staying there through the night. He slept like a rock. There were no dreams; there were no images. He just slept. His body was so worn out from the flight and then the emotional toll that visiting Corey's grave had taken on him that he could do nothing more than just sleep. At seven in the morning, Jenny climbed out of bed to find that he was still sleeping, lying on his back, snoring a little bit. She walked into the bathroom for her morning moment of privacy only to dress in the same clothes she'd worn the afternoon before and walk out of the room. In what had been the formal living room of the old house at one point, Ms. Sheriden had set up an impressive breakfast buffet. She spoke to Jenny for a moment as she took a glass of milk, poured from an amazingly beautiful crystal decanter into a small glass. "There's someone here I'd like you to meet," she told Jenny as she directed her to a small lady who sat at one of the tables, sipping a cup of coffee. "Bridgette," Ms. Sheriden said as the lady looked up. "This is Jenny Sheffield, the lady I was telling you about." "You're Nick's cousin..." she mentioned as she invited Jenny to sit. "Yes ma'am." "I'm Bridgette O'Neil," she introduced herself. "Corey's mother..." Jenny smiled. Reaching across the table, her palm opened, the lady took it and squeezed. "I am truly sorry for your loss." "Thank you..." Bridgette smiled, courteously, as Ms. Sheriden whisked away to fix them both a plate. Jenny came to learn that, in that relatively small town north of Providence, Ms. Sheriden had, at one point in her life, been a choir and music teacher at a local high school. Corey's mother had taught English, which was from where Nick's best friend got his love of reading. When Jenny mentioned his name the day before, Ms. Sheriden had the idea of inviting Bridgette for breakfast. It would be good for a lady that she respected, despite being several decades her junior, to get another step closer to closure. Bridgette talked for an hour about Corey, and Jenny finally came to understand why Nick felt as passionately about him as he did. He sounded, from Jenny's perspective, like a great man. When Nick woke to find himself alone in the room, he pulled on the jeans and t-shirt that he'd worn to Corey's grave and walked from the room, making sure that he had his wallet and the hotel key with him. As he slowly walked down the hall, he heard Jenny's laugh. It was amazingly lively and loud, echoing down the hardwood-lined hallway of the old building. As he walked into the lobby, he got his first glimpse of his cousin, sitting with a lady that he recognized immediately. She had given him his head of jet-black hair and deep brown eyes. She was the one responsible for his small stature and, more than likely, his powerhouse attitude. Jenny and Ms. Sheriden were silent, looking between them as she stood from the table. There was no mistaking who he was. She knew he was there, and she'd pictures of him before, with Corey, but the short haircut and the chiseled features were a dead giveaway. Nervously, shaking, she opened up her arms as he walked over. He bent down and wrapped his huge arms around this lady as she did what she'd been doing for months, it seemed: cry. "It is nice to finally meet you," she told him. "Likewise..." Nick tried to smile as he held in the flood once more. "Have a seat, sweetie, and I'll get you some breakfast," Ms. Sheriden said as she walked over, refreshing Bridgette's coffee and Jenny's glass of milk. After he sat, Bridgette grabbed his hand and held on for dear life as Jenny explained what had happened. Nick wasn't mad, though. He was happy. He'd wanted to call and get permission to come up, but he'd not wanted to disturb a life that he knew she was putting back together. Their meeting, though, wasn't a bad one. In fact, it was filled with stories and laughter of the man they both wished was still there. Bridgette told him a story from when Corey was younger that would have made Corey blush a bit; Nick told her about a trip to Tijuana that would have made Corey shake his head with embarrassment. At ten, check-out time for regular guests, Jenny excused herself to get their things together as Ms. Sheriden took care of a couple of things with the only other guest in the place. Neither of them minded leaving Bridgette and Nick there for a while, just to talk. When it was time to go, Bridgette insisted on driving them into Providence, to the train station. Nick, on the same hand, insisted that she take some money for gas and the inconvenience of it all to her. As Nick unloaded their things from the back of her car, she walked over to him. "Nick. I know that Corey loved you, and while I can't completely understand it, I can see why. You are a great man, and I would like you to have this," she said, reaching into her pocket and pulling one of his dog tags out. Normally, Nick wasn't one to accept gifts as sentimental as that, but he graciously did. "Thank you..." he told her as the two hugged again. "And Nick. Since you are family, I expect you to keep in touch, even if it's on Facebook or through email." "Yes ma'am," Nick smiled as he accepted the instructions from this woman who had been most gracious to him that morning. -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- As they were waiting on the train to depart, Matt was waking up. He'd spent the previous afternoon cleaning out the safe and then the evening drinking himself into oblivion with Seth. It was a beautiful Saturday, though neither of them could really admire it through the clouds of their hangovers. "So what are we gonna do today?" Seth asked. "Keep working on Pa's house?" "I don't really want to today," Matt told him as they sat on the sofa, wishing only that the pain from their headaches would go away. "I was thinking that we should go shopping." "For what?" Seth asked. "I think it's time that I got a new car," Matt looked at his best friend. "Something sexy, sporty, yet me..." "OK," Seth smiled. It wasn't long before the two of them got off their duffs and went about getting ready for the day. Matt in a pair of shorts and Seth in some jeans, they left the condo within a few minutes, climbing into the Caddy and taking it instead of Seth's Tahoe. From there, they drove down South Cossart until it intersected with Highway 6, climbing on and heading west, toward a row of dealerships where the family had always bought all of its cars. When they pulled in, Matt parked the car in the first place he could find, and the two of them climbed out. Not knowing who they were, most of the sales people thought of them as just two more college kids there to browse. With that, though, they were left to look around. Even though he had the money to buy anything on the lot, Matt still wanted something practical yet cool. Eventually, he decided that he liked the way the Ford Escape looked. It wasn't too big, but it wasn't small either. It had a nice price tag, yet it was still sporty and cool. The next part of the process was finding a salesperson willing to let him take it for a drive. Walking to the showroom, several salesmen who weren't working with people walked off, and Matt was quick to notice it. One guy who looked to be just a couple of years older than Matt and Seth greeted them, but since he was working with someone, he told them that it would be a few minutes before he could get to them. Matt and Seth said OK and loitered around, looking at the nicest models the dealership had to offer. "Matthew!" a portly, older gentleman came from the an office and greeted them. "Hi Mr. Reynolds," Matt said as the two shook hands. "And Seth!" he greeted him the same way. "What can I do for you boys today?" "I'm actually going to trade in Pa's Caddy for something." "Nice! What do you have in mind?" "I was thinking about an Escape," Matt told him. "Excellent choice. You wanna drive one?" "Sure..." Matt told him as he walked into another office and grabbed a set of keys. "Here ya go," he said, looking at the keys. "It should be the white one that's right in front." "Thank you, Mr. Reynolds," Matt said as he and Seth turned and walked off. "Mr. Reynolds, since when are we allowed to give keys to kids for test drives?" one of the salesmen who'd been cherry picking asked. "It's OK, since he owns the property on which the dealership sits, along with a lot of the property in town, almost all the apartments, and the blond one's dad is my attorney," Mr. Reynolds said, pissed at what he'd seen go down a few minutes before. Matt and Seth drove out toward Williams. Since it was open road, Matt could really push the pedal and see how it performed. They drove through Eudora a little while later to see how it handled in town, and by the time they got back to the dealership, the salesman that had greeted them before was free. Mr. Reynolds introduced them to him, and everything was set. Within the hour, Matt left with the keys to his new car. He took a few minutes to clean some things out of the Cadillac before handing over the keys. It was a bit of an odd experience, watching as the man drove away in the very last car his grandfather had owned. Matt was almost tempted to go back inside and get it back, but he knew that it was just a machine, and Dan would have wanted it gone far more quickly than it actually was. Climbing into the new truck, he and Seth left, headed to Seth's parents' house to check the mail and then to his house, so that his Dad could inspect the purchase that he'd just made, delighting the salesperson by paying for it with his American Express card. Linda smiled, saying that she was proud that he'd gotten rid of the Caddy, that it would do him better in the long run than keeping it until it was no longer useful. After discussing things, Ron and Linda agreed that, because it was Saturday, it would be a great day to work on Dan's house. As Dan pointed out, the grass needed to be cut, and Linda wanted to make sure that everything on the inside was to her exacting standards, even though she trusted Consuela before anyone outside of her immediately family, in the house. With that, the four of them climbed into Matt's and Linda's SUVs and headed over. While Seth and Ron worked outside, Linda and Matt were inside, walking through the house, but, for whatever reason, avoiding the bedroom. -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- Once on the train, it didn't take them long to get to New York. From the train station, Nick and Jenny took a taxi to their hotel, for which his aunt had paid. For the first time in his life, he was staying in Manhattan, at a swank hotel where people far more important than him would more than likely stay. They were there for just two nights, but those two nights were costing Janelle more than the entire rest of the trip was costing Jenny and Nick. After they'd settled, though, and showered, they changed clothes and left the hotel room to experience the city. "So what to do?" Jenny asked, expecting him to say something about visiting Ground Zero. "Toy store!" Nick said as he took a deep breath, inhaling the sights and sounds of the place where he'd been born and raised. From the Waldorf Astoria, where they were staying, they walked north to 59th Street. They turned, and right on Fifth Avenue, they came to FAO Schwarz. Inside, Nick could vividly remember a childhood of coming to that place. Even when they didn't have any money, it was still fun to be there, to play and experience the surroundings. After leaving, Jenny wanted to go to Tiffany and Company, where she showed Nick the engagement ring that she wanted. Though she knew she probably wouldn't ever get it, she loved looking at all the candy that was in there. That evening, well after they'd returned to the hotel, to the room that was smaller than the one they'd had in Woonsocket yet five times more expensive, they went to dinner and took in a show off Broadway. It was weird, with nothing mainstream about it, but it was fun. Nick had never, in his 18 years in New York, been to a single show. That afternoon had served but one purpose for Nick, to give him a day to just visit the city that had reared him. As he went to bed, the only thing on his mind was Matt. In his mind, he'd decided that, when they got back to Mississippi, he was going to have to have a talk with him. He was going to have to tell him everything that was going on in his mind. Hopefully, Matt would understand why he was going to have to break off what they had even before it was started really. The next morning, they left the hotel early, taking the train south to the lower part of Manhattan. They went to the top of the Empire State Building, and Nick had a chance to see what he'd been forced to leave behind so many years before. There were so many beautiful buildings and amazing vistas. As they left, though, Jenny knew that it was time. It was a Sunday morning, and with that, traffic wasn't as bad as it would have been on say, a Monday. It was still thick, though, as people went about their days, their business. They took the subway from there, though, down to the place where his life really had, quite irrevocably changed. Climbing from the train, they walked up to the street level. Nick felt like he could still hear the desperation in his mother's voice as she told him, for the last time, that she loved him. It was just as surreal for Jenny, as well. She'd always thought highly of her aunt, and to be there, where her life had come to an end, was a way for her, as well, to say goodbye. Nick was strong as they stood against a railing, looking at the progress that was being made from destruction. He was quiet, though, remembering the woman who'd given birth to him, the woman who'd done whatever she could to make sure that he had nice things and went to a good school. She spent the final years of her life working for him, yet he didn't realize it all until that moment. He recalled one instance when he was really little, like maybe four, before he started school. The babysitter that was to come by and watch him that day had called Patrice rather early in the morning to say that she wouldn't be able to make it. She called her boss, who told her to bring him in with her, that he could sit in her office as long as he didn't disturb anyone. She swore that he wouldn't, but before she could get to Nick's room to wake him up, he was already dressed in a little suit, his black hair still standing on end from sleep. "Look at you, little man, all ready for work!" she said as she stood there, in the business casual attire she wore on Fridays. "Ready for work!" Nick told her as she grabbed his brush from the dresser and fiddled with his hair. She made him promise to be a good boy that day and to stay out of everyone's way, and, before long, they were off. He got to take the train that day, into the city. As Patrice held him with one arm, she held onto a poll with the other, and when they climbed off the subway, Nick got his very first glimpse of the awesomeness that was the World Trade Center. He stopped her for a second, right in the middle of the sidewalk, so that he could look up, but despite how far he stretched his neck, he couldn't see the top of the building. That morning, he sat quietly at her desk, drawing and coloring as she worked away. Nick sort of became the unofficial mascot for the office, as everyone was impressed with how he spoke clearly and efficiently. HiTelCo was, in those days, a world-class purveyor of Long Distance service, and the CEO liked to just drop in on the regional offices from time to time. On the very day that Nick was in Patrice's office, Albert Henderson stopped by. Seeming to understand the struggles and sacrifices of a single mother, he took the two of them to lunch on the Observation Deck of the building, allowing Patrice enough time to pick Nick up and show him the city from that angle. They returned home that evening, and the very first thing that Nick wanted to do was call Janelle and tell her about his day. As he stood there, all grown up, he remembered how Janelle was excited as Jenny was, in the background, screaming. Turning for a moment, he looked at his cousin and smiled. His mother wouldn't want him to worry about anything, the past, the present, or the future, yet he still did. She would have wanted him to move on, but he still couldn't. He wasn't ready, and that, in his mind, was why he couldn't put Matt through anything. Matt was too good for that, for him. -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- -=-=- The next morning, they left New York via plane that left from LaGuardia. Nick hadn't had a chance to go to Brooklyn, but he knew that he was going to come back, and on his next trip, he was going to visit his old neighborhood. Being that the vacation plans that Seth and Jenny had made included the Monday of the following week, it was Seth who picked them up in Memphis. Jenny was excited to see him, for obvious reasons, but Nick didn't seem like the same person that he'd known. As Nick held his head, Seth gave Jenny a look as if to ask if he were OK; Jenny returned it with one that said that he wasn't, but that she couldn't explain it right then. It didn't take them long to get back to Eudora. Seth and Jenny, it seemed, were on a mission. Nick sat in the back of the Tahoe, though, silently pondering what he was going to say and how. When they got back to Jenny's place, where Nick had parked his car, he asked Seth where Matt was. Seth, knowing the town like the back of his hand, told Nick how to get to `Pa's House', for that's where Matt was. Nick gave Jenny a hug and shook Seth's hands before putting his suitcase into the back of his car. He drove off, and as Seth was pulling Jenny's bag from the back of the car, he asked what was wrong. "Seth. I love you, more than anything, but I promised I wouldn't say anything..." "Is he OK? Did Matt do something?" Seth asked. "Please trust me and don't ask anything else..." Jenny looked in his eyes. "OK..." he said, knowing that Matt was, in the next little while, going to be hurting. It didn't take Nick long to get to the house, but he wasn't sure if it was the right place when he saw the new truck, rather than the Caddy. Despite that, though, he turned off the car and stepped out. As he walked in front of the car, Matt came out carrying a huge box filled with clothes that had belonged to both of his grandparents that were about to be donated to charity. "Hey!" Matt smiled as he saw Nick. "Hi..." Nick said, his task having grown infinitely harder with the sight of his smile, his sweaty brow. Matt noticed the expression on his face and quickly set the box onto the ground. He thought it was one thing, though, that the trip had taken a toll on him. He held out his arms, which Nick took, knowing that he was making a mistake. "I found something of Pa's that I'd like for you to have," Matt told him as they separated. "Matt... are you very busy?" Nick asked. "Nope," Matt answered. "OK. Then I need to talk to you about some things..." Nick started, his voice cracking a little bit. "Why don't you come inside?" Matt asked, realizing that something else was on his mind. "Matt. I can't do this anymore..." Nick started as Matt stepped away. "I'm sorry, but I can't be what you deserve." "OK..." Matt said as they stood there in the son. "I'm still... I'm still in love with Corey, and it's not fair to you... you deserve better than that..." "Nick," Matt said, a little dumbfounded. "I'm so sorry..." Nick busted out crying, taking a couple of steps backwards. "So we're breaking up, even before we were officially together?" Matt asked. He wasn't angry; he wasn't upset; he was just confused. Things were fine when they'd left, and now, Nick was backing away, putting the breaks on a train that had been moving at light speed since Memorial Day. He looked up to see regret in Nick's face, in his countenance. He actually thought that he was doing Matt a favor by ending it right then and there, before either of them had too much invested in the other. He didn't know that Matt was already falling for him; Matt didn't know, though, that Nick had as well, and despite the fact that he thought he was doing right thing, it still hurt like hell. Matt was a great guy, filled with hope, promise; however, Nick was, too. Maybe it was for the best, though, that Nick was pulling back, emotionally and physically as Matt stood there, in the middle of the yard. He turned and climbed into the car, starting it up and leaving, without even a good-bye. Nick was shaking and emotional as he pulled out of the drive and onto South Cossart, heading toward Highway 6. Matt was numb. His legs were weak, but he couldn't move from the spot where he was. With that, he just sat in the yard, next to the box filled with clothes.