Date: Sat, 2 Nov 2002 20:31:05 -0800 (PST)
From: jfinn <writnword@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Human Condition, Chapter 11

Okay, you know the drill, this story is a work of fiction, it contains
sexual acts between consenting adult males.  No minors or people who live
in countries should even be on this site let alone reading this story.
That said, I hope you enjoy it.


The Human Condition

By jfinn



Chapter 11

I left Joe turning slowly on the tire swing and walked into our shared home
office and logged onto the Internet to check my email.

Yeah, I admit it; I'm hooked.  Funny when you know that I made fun of Joe
when he first got so caught up in the Net.  I never even had a screen name
until a few years ago.  Amazing when you realize that I've been using
computers for my work since the late 80's.  Or maybe that was the reason.
After all that tedious crap, I just couldn't figure out how they could be
any damn fun.

But Joe finally convinced me to at least try and pretty soon I found myself
addicted.  I try to control it, and only do the whole cyberspace surfing,
games, music, hi to my good friend, Eddie in New Zealand, one or two nights
a week.  But email doesn't count and I find myself checking compulsively,
deleting spam and looking for messages from people I probably wouldn't even
keep in contact with, if it weren't for the Net.

Joe came up behind me and looked over my shoulder.  "Anything interesting?"

"The Men's Institute of Lucerne says they can guarantee to make my penis
grow by 30% in just seven days."

"Big deal," Joe snorted and slid his hands around my waist.  "I can make it
bigger than that in just 5 minutes."  And as if to prove it, he slid his
hands under the waistband of my shorts.

God was I tempted, but I sighed and stepped back away from his talented
hands.  "Much as I'd like to see you make good on that, we'll have to leave
it for later.  We should get our gear together, they'll be here any
minute."

Joe groaned.  "Does it make me sound like a shit if I say I wish we could
get out of this?"

I shook my head no.  Because honestly - I felt exactly the same way.  Last
night and this morning had been so nice, so peaceful.  Joe and me - alone,
no family, no friends, no commitments to anything, but each other.  It had
been too long since we'd been this selfish and one night and a morning
hadn't been nearly enough to make me happy.

"Listen," Joe said.  "Let's plan a long weekend for July, just us."

I grinned, I'd been wondering when he was going to try and work this in.
"When?"

"Um, the twenty fourth?"

I shot him a look and noticed his flushed cheeks.  If you were to ask him,
Joe would deny having a romantic bone in his body.  But it wasn't me that
always seemed to magically plan something special for us on our self
proclaimed anniversary.

I frowned like I was thinking about it.  Actually I always kept that whole
week free, just in case

"Sounds good," I finally shrugged, pretending I didn't know what this whole
deal was really about - because that is how we play this game.  "It's a
date."

"Cool," he grinned.  "And I know just where we can go."

"And where might that be?"

"Well, Lucy told me she wasn't renting the carriage house this summer..."

I laughed.  "Don't you think we're a little young to start taking trips
down memory lane?"

Joe growled and pulled me to him.  "Fuck memory lane, all I know is there's
no phone and nobody would ever think to look for us there."

Which was bullshit and we both knew it.  Before we'd leave, we'd give
Lucy's number to half a dozen people and then we'd still take our cell
phones and at least one back up pager.  But it was a nice gesture, going
back to our first home together.  And if it turned out anything like our
first weekend their together, both of us would be very satisfied...


July 25, 1989

I thought I was dreaming.  Joe was leaning over me, grinning his Cheshire
cat smile.  The sun was shining through the windows and backlit him so his
tan skin glowed.  I smiled.  I liked this dream!  But when I closed my eyes
again to keep it going, it was his voice that spoke to me.

"No way you bum!  You do not sleep when I'm starving.  Get your ass out of
bed so we can get some food."

My eyes flew open.  God, it wasn't a dream.  Then it all came back to me;
everything about the night before.  I opened my mouth to speak, but Joe
waylaid that idea by kissing me.

"Good morning!"  He laughed.  "How are you this bright and beautiful
morning?"  He knelt by the side of the bed and propped his head on his
hands.

"Jesus Christ!"  I whispered hoarsely.  "When did you turn into Susie
Sunshine?"

"Today, just now," he kissed me again and tried to stick his tongue in my
mouth, but I pushed him away.

"Hey, no fair," I grumbled.  "You already brushed."

"Yup," he agreed amiably.  "And showered and shaved."  I noticed then he
was only wearing a towel.  "Now get your ass out of bed so we can go get
something to eat."

"With what?"

"Huh?"

"No car, remember?  That's why I had to pick you up with Lucy's.  And I
know she has plans today, so I can't borrow it again."

"Oh," Joe sat back on his heels and thought about it for a minute.  "Well,
go get prettied up anyway.  I'll figure something out."

He kissed me again hard and fast, and then stood quickly and went to look
in the fridge.  I could have told him he was wasting his time, but I was
too busy admiring his ass and wondering how long his good mood was going to
last.

Not that I was complaining.  Shit, it was a relief.  I'd been half worried
that this morning might have been awkward.  Joe wouldn't be the first guy
who regretted deeds done in the dark of night.

Oh well, I shrugged and stood and only then remembered my hard-on that was
no doubt making it's usual morning appearance.  I looked down.  Yup.

"Are you up yet?"  Joe turned away from the empty fridge where he'd been
squatting.

Since he didn't bother to stand, this put him in direct line of sight with
my cock.  I watched as he flushed, but that seemed to be the only evidence
that my display might be having any effect on him.  In fact, his eyes were
cool and appraising, and when they finally lifted to meet mine, there was
humor in them as well.

"Yeah, I guess you are," was all he said, and then he smiled and turned
back to the kitchen to root through the cupboards.

Yup, I thought, he is adjusting nicely.  It appeared that now that Joe had
finally made his decision he wasn't going to waste any time pretending
otherwise.  I smiled to myself, as I remembered again how he'd been last
night in bed when we made love for the first time - and the second - and
the third.  Nah, he wasn't wasting any time.

I shuffled to the bathroom and started the shower running.  Then after
staring at it a minute, I turned it off again.  On second thought, I had a
better idea.  Instead, I shaved and brushed my teeth, and took care of the
rest of my preparations for whatever the day might bring.  I didn't dress
though.  I wasn't sure what Joe was thinking of doing, but I sure as hell
wasn't going to discourage any possibilities.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and went into the main room.
Unfortunately Joe had not only rummaged through my kitchen cupboards, but
had also taken a minute to throw on a pair of jeans.  Well damn!  I sighed
and went to my dresser and pulled out a pair of sweats.  It was probably
for the best, at least comfort wise, but I was still disappointed.

Joe was at the stove cooking something that smelled great though where the
hell he'd found real food in my kitchen was anybody's guess.  I walked up
behind him and peaked over his shoulder.

"Mmmm, smells wonderful, what the fuck is it?"

"Corned beef hash.  You had a can of it in the cupboard."

I shrugged.  "If you say so, my mom always sends that kind of crap with me
whenever I go home.  Most of the time I never even look at it."

"Obviously," he said dryly.  "I think I unpacked this when you moved in."

"I doubt it," I snorted, as I grabbed some plates and silverware for the
table.  "The way I remember it, the only thing you unpacked was the pizza."

I sat down and watched as Joe split the hash onto our plates, then went
back to the stove and grabbed another pan and walked back over.  He used a
spoon to carefully scoop up a white gelatinous mass that wiggled alarmingly
as he slid it onto the pile of hash on my plate.

"That's disgusting."

"It is not.  It's a poached egg and it's good for you."

"Whatever you say Felix."

It took him a second, but he finally got The Odd Couple reference.
"Asshole."  He slid the remaining egg on his plate and sat down to eat.

I watched as he took a bite and then closed his eyes in appreciation.
Suddenly, I forgot about being hungry.  I was too busy staring at Joe to
worry about something as mundane as food. Joe, who was here, with me, this
morning - full of jokes and smart-ass comments - sitting across from me at
this table, eating my food - things we'd done a hundred times before.  It
was all so familiar, so normal, and yet, everything had changed.

"What are you smiling at?"  He asked.  I focused on his eyes and watched as
he got a little flustered, and I felt my heart flip over in my chest when I
realized that I could make him blush like that.

"Eat your breakfast," his tone was gruff, but I could see the smile playing
around the edges of his mouth.  "It's getting cold."

Obediently I took a bite.  "Hey," I looked at Joe, "this is really good."

He shrugged, but he smiled.

"I had no idea you could cook."

 "This is not cooking," Joe snorted.  "This is opening a can.  But yes, now
that you ask, I'm a pretty fair cook.  I just never lived any place where I
needed to show it off before."

The coffee maker had been chugging away this whole time, but now it gave a
loud gasp to tell me it was done.  I went over and fetched us both a cup.

"So that's what you're planning on, living here?"  I was teasing, but he
answered half seriously.

"If you'll have me," Joe smiled, but in back of his eyes was a little
flicker of uncertainty.

He had nothing to worry about.  The thought of him living anywhere else had
never even occurred to me.

"Well, let's make it for a trial period, shall we?  Like the next 50 years
or so?"  I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

Joe grinned happily.  "It's a deal."

I lapped up the last of the hash.  "But you have to cook."

"Hey, I thought this was supposed to be an equal partnership?"

"You," I went over and grabbed his empty plate.  "Were misinformed."

I went over to the sink and filled the dishpan and gave it a squirt of
soap.  Joe brought the rest of the dirty pots and pans over to me.

"You wash, I dry?"  He said.

I turned off the water and carefully dried my hands.  Then I turned to him
and wrapped my arms around him.  I waited a minute to see what his reaction
would be.  He just grinned.

"No, they soak and we ignore," then I added suggestively.  "I have other
plans for us."

"Oh really?"  Joe tried to sound sexy but his eyes told me he was still a
little nervous.  Sure we might have sucked each other's cocks the night
before - several times.  But daylight was different.  And we both knew it.

"Uh huh," I pushed myself closer to him and twisted around so his back was
pressing into the sink.

I pressed my groin to his and was gratified by the little lurch I felt
under the worn denim of his jeans.  I rotated my ass and ground in a little
harder.

"Sweet Jesus," he purred.  "If this is the plan, then I'm all for it."

"Only the beginning," I murmured into the ear I was nibbling.

Joe stretched his neck to give my mouth more room to work and laughed
softly.  "Goody.  Shall we retire to the bedroom?"  He waved his hand in
the direction of my, no our bed.

I pulled back and looked at him.  "I think I have a better idea."

I ignored his questioning look and slid my hand around the waistband of his
jeans.  I watched as his grin changed to a puzzled expression, as I didn't
take the opportunity to grab him, but rather, turned my back and pulled him
by his pants towards the bathroom.

When we got to the doorway I turned back towards him. "You still owe me a
shampoo."

Light dawned in Joe's eyes and then they darkened as the suggestion took
hold in his mind.  Now it was his turn to pull me towards him and his kiss
was fierce.

"You're right, and this time, I plan on finishing what I started."

His hands slid down over my ass and he pushed my sweats over my rump until
gravity took over and they fell into a pile at my feet.  I returned the
favor by using both my hands to unsnap his jeans.  Then looking at his
face, I watched every click of the teeth register as I slowly lowered his
zipper.

We were still in the doorway, but now we both moved to go into the bathroom
at once and...

"Damn!"  Joe laughed as our shoulders got stuck in the doorframe.  "Are you
sure we can both fit in here?"  He pointed to the room in general and the
shower specifically.

"Trust me, we can fit," I assured him.  "We just have to turn in unison and
make sure not to make any sudden moves."  I gently pushed him into the
room.  "And we have to be willing to be close - very, very close."

"Mmmm, I like the sound of that," Joe practically purred.

I turned on the shower and then, knowing the limitations of my water
heater, didn't waste any time stepping in and dragging my boy with me.  The
feeling of his naked and suddenly wet skin caused a shiver to run through
me even though the water had already reached it's optimum heat.  Joe was
behind me and he snaked his hands around my chest and squeezed me to him.

"I guess there is something to be said for small spaces," he murmured into
my ear and then gently bit down on my lobe.

"Oh yeah!"  I moaned happily.

Reluctantly he let go and reached for the shampoo and filled his palm with
a big dollop.  A second later he began kneading my scalp.  I bent my head
back as far as I could and let him show off his specialty.  The last time
he'd tried this, I'd been too tense to fully appreciate how talented he
was, but now I could feel my muscles relax as he worked the suds through my
hair.

"You know," Joe whispered.  "I used to dream about doing this when I was in
Italy.  Some nights I'd wake up and I could swear I could feel your hair
tangled in my fingers.  I love how it's so silky, and how the ends get all
twisted and curly around my fingers."

That surprised me a little.  I was still wearing my hair down to my
shoulders and I'd been half expecting Joe to make some smartass comment
about that.

"You still have it long, I see," there was that mind reading trick of his
again.

I sighed ostentatiously.  "Okay, I give up.  I'll cut it."

Hey, I was in love with the guy.  He liked my hair short.  If cutting it
would make him happy, then I could make the sacrifice.  And if the truth be
told, I was getting tired of frogging around with it, though I wasn't going
to tell him that.

"Don't do it on my account," Joe said.

Huh?  "I thought you hated it so much?"  I struggled to turn around until
we were facing each other.

Joe grinned sheepishly.  "Well, um, yeah - I said that..."

I looked at him until a dull red stain showed on both of his cheeks.  "You
shit!"  I said as the light dawned.  "Are you telling me you actually liked
it all this time?"

"Look," he pulled my head back under the water and started to rinse -
mainly, I'm sure - so I wouldn't be able to look at him anymore.  "I told
you I was a liar.  This was one of those things I lied about."

I grabbed him and pushed him back against the wall and then leaned in.  "So
what's the truth here?  How do you really feel about my hair?"

"It's okay," he laughed, but he wasn't looking at me.

"Just okay, huh?"  I got my face right into his and arched an eyebrow.
"I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Yeah, it's... nice," Joe waggled his own eyebrows back at me.

"Nice?  That's all you can say, nice?"  I upped the ante by sliding a hand
over his chest until I felt a nipple.  I slid the nub between two fingers
and lightly squeezed.

Joe's face immediately showed how much he liked that.  "Umph!  Okay, okay,
I think it's hot."

"And so you don't want me to cut it off?"  I rotated my palm, lightly
twisting his nipple.

"Oh God," Joe sighed and pressed his rapidly filling cock into mine.
"Don't cut your hair - don't change a thing."

"K," abruptly I stepped back and Joe almost whimpered.  He may have been
one of the slowest starters the world had ever seen, but now that he'd
finally cleared the gate, the boy was putting his all into it.

I handed Joe a washcloth.  "But your punishment for lying before, is you
have to wash me."

I could tell by the expression on his face that Joe didn't think I was
exactly a tough disciplinarian.  He grabbed the soap and started to lather
me up.  After a couple of minutes, I wondered who was torturing whom here.
He'd foregone using the cloth and was only using his talented hands on my
slippery skin.  He was very thorough, exploring every crack and cranny.  It
wasn't too long before our two rods were doing a sparing match that was
going to end in both of them going down for the count if we didn't call an
end to the round soon.

"Turn around," Joe's voice was husky.  "I need to do your back."  I was
pretty sure he wasn't just talking about washing it either.

I turned, but slowly.  This may sound stupid, but for the first time I
realized that Joe might be ready for something more than a blowjob, and it
was not an altogether happy thought.  Like I'd said before, I hadn't had
anything in my ass since Elliot - before that, if you meant anything even
approaching consensual sex.  Even with Kevin and Saul, I'd noticed how
careful they were around my backside, barely touching it, which had been
okay with me.  Yes, I wanted it again and of course I'd dreamed it would be
with Joe, but I'd never considered it would happen so soon.

Funny, I'd been so concerned about his being at ease, I'd never thought
about my own issues.  Now it seemed that maybe it wasn't him that was going
to back away, but me.

"Joe, I..."

"Shhhh," his hand stroked my back and chuckled.  "I just want to explore
another side of you."

I relaxed a little and let my senses take over.  I shivered as I felt his
fingers brush the small of my back and then linger over one of my globes.
He was delicate as he touched my surface with the soft soapy pads of his
fingers, tracing skin and the muscle underneath.  It tickled and yet at the
same time it seemed to leave trails of fire that burned just under my
surface.  I realized I'd spread my legs and leaned up against the wall,
shoving my ass further and further up in invitation.

So, I thought, through the haze of heat, love really does overcome all
obstacles.

Joe's hand stilled as he came to the raised and angry looking welt at the
top of my hip.  The rest of my ordeal might be just becoming a hazy memory,
but Elliot had left me with a permanent reminder by way of a six inch scar
that puckered and pulled and itched like crazy, deep down where no amount
of scratching could reach.  Gently I felt Joe's fingers trace the jagged
edge.

"It's okay," I whispered.  "The doc says it will take a while, but it
should get better in time and if not, I can have surgery done to take out
the extra scar tissue."

Joe didn't say a word.  Instead he moved in closer and wrapped his arms
around me.  His cock slipped between my legs and I sighed as I felt it
slide into my hot crack.  I thrust back as he slid forward and the feeling
was so exquisite my knees almost buckled.

"Oh God," I gasped.  "That feels so damn wonderful."

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again," Joe's voice was fierce, almost
savage and I wondered how he much of that was a promise to me and how much
was an acknowledgement of his own failings.  At any rate, it wasn't
something I was willing to pursue in the shower.

"Joe," I whimpered.  "Right now the only thing I'm really interested in is
that you've got your cock between my legs and it feels damn good!  So do me
a favor and just shut up and let me enjoy the moment."

He squeezed me hard and then chuckled.  "Okay, you have a point," and to
prove it he thrust hips into me making me groan again.  "How much hot water
do we have left?"

The question brought me back to the real world.  I stood upright and turned
to face him.  "Not enough," I agreed sadly.  Much as I was suddenly sure I
was ready for Joe to fuck me, I didn't want it to end up being a race
against a cold shower.

We rinsed off the leftover soap and got out of the shower.  Both of us had
left our towels in the other room so we padded out there wet and naked.

I went over to the bed where I'd thrown mine and Joe grabbed his off the
floor by the couch.  We were both in the middle of drying when he looked at
me and grinned.

"I think we need to go shopping for a bigger water heater."

I laughed.  "That might be a good idea."

I watched Joe watching me drying myself.  His eyes were back on the whip
mark and his face showed real distress.  I sighed.  Apparently, this was a
conversation we couldn't put off any longer.

"Okay," I said resigned.  "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"About whatever it is you need to talk about so we can get past this."

Joe was silent and I could tell he was really thinking about it.  And as he
thought, I took the opportunity to look at him.  It was something I didn't
think I'd ever get tired of doing and I felt like I'd been deprived of his
face for so long.  Now I scanned it greedily looking for changes and slight
alterations.  He didn't look as exhausted as he had the night before.  The
hollows in his cheeks and under his eyes were still there, but seemed
softer somehow.  I also noticed his lips seemed a little swollen and there
was a slight red tinge to his chin where my beard had irritated the skin.
I'd marked him and it pleased me.

I was so caught up in admiring him, that it almost surprised me when he
spoke.  "Are you really okay?"  He asked softly.

I looked at him.  A million smart-assed answers were on my lips, but I held
them back.  If we were to have any chance, we were going have to start
being open and honest with each other.  We'd wasted so god damned much time
dancing around each other already.

"I'm getting there," I finally spoke.  "It hasn't been easy, but I've had a
lot of help from a lot of people and I think I can finally say I think it's
going to be fine."

"You have no idea how much I regret that you can't include me in with that
group," Joe's voice was soft and hesitant, but he never broke eye contact.

"Yeah, well honestly," I stared right back at him.  "I wish that too."

He looked surprised, almost shocked, but if he thought I was going to just
pretend we didn't have some baggage between us, he was dead wrong.  One
thing I'd learned in therapy - you couldn't let things fester unless you
wanted to make them worse.  We needed to deal with this and since he'd
brought it up, I thought there was no time like the present.

"Look Joe," I went on relentlessly.  "I'm not going to pretend that I
didn't miss you or wish that you could have been here to be my friend if
nothing else."

Now he lowered his head, but not before I saw the tears in his eyes - and
the shame.

"But it's okay, Joe, really," I went and knelt beside him and cupped his
chin in my hand.  "You know, for so long I thought you were just about
perfect.  When I thought about you it was as this ideal man who was big and
strong and smart and always knew all the right answers."

He sniffled.  "You've got to be kidding me."

"Nope, and it was damn uncomfortable sometimes, having to try and keep up
with this image I had of you.  So when you ran..." Joe groaned.  "When you
ran, it was a shock and it hurt, but at the same time it was almost a
relief.  Because for the first time I could think about you as a real
person and not some golden image I had in my mind.  And you know what was
really surprising?"

"No," he whispered.

"I realized that I loved you even more than I thought I did.  Because
nobody can really be in love with perfection, it's too fucking boring."

That got a laugh out of him.  "Well then you must be head over heels with
me now."

"Oh yeah," I agreed and kissed him softly.

He broke the kiss and smiled at me.  "I want you to know that I swear my
running days are over."

"They better be," I agreed.  "Cause the next time I'll track you down like
a dog, and it won't be pretty when I catch up to you."

I stood then and went back over to the bed and lay back on it.  I thought
that was probably enough truth for now.  We'd have to talk about this a
lot, but maybe - at least at first - it would be better to do it in small
doses.

"Now, where were we?"  I wiggled my eyebrows at him and then spread my legs
to give him a good view of what I wanted him to concentrate on next.  "I
remember, talking about shopping for a water heater"

Joe blinked, but I could see he was just as anxious as me to put the last
few serious minutes behind us.  Slowly he stood and threw his towel down on
the floor and swaggered over to me until he stood there towering over the
spot where I sat on the bed.

"Oh yeah," he smiled wolfishly.  "A very good idea indeed.  But I think
it's going go have to wait for later."

"Really?  You have plans for us?"  I teased.

"My turn," he agreed.  "You picked the last time."

"Sounds fair, I gue...  Oomph!"  I grunted as Joe tackled me, throwing his
body right over mine on the bed.

For a minute we were all arms and legs.  I wasn't sure if we were making
love or starting a wrestling match, but whatever it was, it sure as hell
was fun.  Then Joe removed all doubt by pinning my arms over my head and
kissing me.  He had ended up on top again, but I didn't mind a bit.

We meshed our hips together thrusting like two thirteen year olds who don't
quite know how to go about things.  But of course that wasn't the case - at
least for me, and I decided to move things along.  I raised my legs up
until they were tucked almost into my pits.  That put my ass on display
nicely and Joe's next thrust slid over my hole making it twitch with
delight.

Joe was in a rhythm now and so was I.  I was looking forward to the next
step, when I realized Joe had stopped moving.  I waited for a couple of
seconds, but he didn't seem in any hurry to continue and since I figured I
knew what the deal might be I decided to let him off the hook.

"Look, if you're worried about what happened with me and Elliot, don't be.
I mean, yes it makes me a little nervous, but..."

"No," he stopped me.  "I mean yes, I'm concerned about that, but I figure
you're not going to do anything you aren't ready for, and I'm sure as shit
not going to make you, so I guess that's not really the issue."  He stopped
and took a deep breath.  "The thing is that...  Jesus, this is
embarrassing, but...  How the fuck do I do this?"

"You mean you've never...?"

He shook his head miserably.  "Well there was one time with this girl,
but...  I'd rather not go into to it."

I stifled the urge to laugh.  "Well first things first."  I reached around
and fumbled in my nightstand until I came up with the gay man's best
friends, lube and condoms.  I showed them to Joe and watched as he
swallowed nervously.

"I'll just put these over here," I set them down in between the pillows.
"That way they'll be near when we need them."

"You were a Boy Scout, weren't you?"

I rolled my eyes.  "Not hardly, but I've always admired their motto," I
pulled him to me and gave him a sloppy kiss.  I stopped suddenly as a
thought occurred to me.  "You do want to do this don't you?  I mean this is
where you were heading right?"

Joe raised an eyebrow and looked at me like I'd just lost my mind.

"Okay, just checking," I laughed, and waylaid any comments he might have
had by sticking my tongue back down his throat.

With that kind encouragement, it didn't take him long at all to get
enthusiastic again.  I was amazed to find myself right back in the same
position he'd abandoned a few minutes before.  Again, I broke the embrace.

"Um Joe," I whispered in between kisses.  "Joe, wait."

He groaned, "What now?"

"We need to get you suited up."

"Uh yeah, right," he said sheepishly.

"And you need to get me ready," I grinned at the look on his face.  "Don't
worry, I'll talk you through it."

We both sat up and I reached back and grabbed the condom and lube.  I
looked down at Joe's lap.  The sexual teasing we'd been putting each other
through for the last couple hours was taking its toll.  He could have
punched a hole in the wall with his cock it was so hard.  And I was
starting to sound like I'd just finished the Boston Marathon.  As I watched
a drop of precum bubbled up from his slit and started to drip down the side
of his shaft.  I reached down and with the tip of my finger smeared the
slippery fluid down his shaft.

"Keep doing that," Joe warned.  "And things are going to be over before
they start."

"Hmmm, don't want that," I agreed.  I handed him a condom and watched as
his shaking hands refused to obey his command to tear it open.

He saw me looking and grinned self-consciously.  "You'd think I'd never
done this before."

I took the condom out of his hand and popped it out of the foil.  Then I
took a dollop of lube and slicked Joe up.  He hissed at the feeling, but
said nothing.

"Well technically," I slid the thin latex down over his rod.  "You
haven't."

I handed him the lube.  Maybe he wasn't experienced, but he caught on
quick.  He squeezed a blob of the slippery stuff on his fingers and
shuddered, just from the contact.  He looked at me and I could tell from
his eyes that the reality of what we were preparing to do had just really
sunk in.  He didn't look a bit unhappy about it either.

"Warm it up," I cautioned, and watched as he slid it around for a minute
doing just that.

I lay back down on my stomach and spread my legs and waited.  It didn't
take him long to figure this move out too.  I felt his hand sliding through
my crack until his finger made contact with my pucker.

"Ohhhh yeah," I encouraged him.

He circled my center again and again, and then tentatively pushed.  There
was nothing tentative about me though and I raised my hips and impaled
myself on his finger.  His hand stilled.

"Go ahead," I said hoarsely.  "Explore a little bit."

Obediently he wiggled his finger and laughed when he saw my corresponding
shiver of excitement.  "God it feels so soft," he sounded surprised.  "I
didn't know it would be like that, almost like velvet or suede or
something, and the musculature - amazing."

Right, only I really wasn't in the mood for an anatomy discussion.  "More,"
I demanded.  "Put another finger in."

There was no hesitation this time as he added a second digit.  I was glad
to see that my muscles seemed to be waking up to the memory of what was
required of them and relaxed after only a few seconds.  But even so, it was
a bit uncomfortable.  It had, after all, been a very long time.

I grimaced.  "You need to add some more lube."

He was instantly concerned.  "Are you okay with this?"

"Yes, just need a little more grease," I assured him.

"Okay," he forgot about the chill and squirted a big splash directly on my
ass and I hissed from the feeling.  "Damn!  I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I twisted and looked at him.  "Just remember paybacks are
hell."

His eyes clouded over momentarily and I swore softly to myself.  Shit, not
another Cam.  I wasn't prepared to bottom for the rest of my life.  One of
the things being with Saul had convinced me of.  Oh well, I thought, one
step at a time and for today, being fucked was exactly what I wanted.

Joe had put his fingers back in me while my thoughts wandered and I was
glad to see that now the discomfort was almost completely gone.  "How much
of this stuff is enough?"

"When you think you've used too much, that's probably just about right," I
managed to say through my sexual haze.  A pretty good accomplishment when
you realized my brain was working with almost no oxygen.

Joe added another finger and when he did, he inadvertently rubbed against
my hot spot.

"Hummph," I grunted and got a grin in response.

"You like that?" Joe asked, and then to prove it to himself, he found the
spot again.

"Oh god, yes," I pulled myself up on my side; careful to keep his fingers
planted in my ass, and grabbed his other arm to bring him in for a kiss.
When we finally came up for air, we were both moaning.

"It's time," I gasped.

He pushed me back on my stomach and I pulled my legs up to my chest giving
him an easy target.  I felt the weight of him on my back and his now
slippery cock slid home towards it's target and...

"You're shaking," Joe stopped.  "And I don't mean that in a good way."

He was right.  Dammit!  It was Saul and Kevin all over again.  I could feel
the panic swirling in my gut.  Goddamn, Elliot and every rapist who ever
lived, including all those guys who thought "No" was a relative term that
didn't include them.

Joe wasn't one of them though.  He was off me like a shot and then he
grabbed my suddenly limp body and pulled me to him.  "Mike, baby - it's
okay," he stroked and cooed over and over again until I'd regained some of
my senses.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.  "I didn't think this would happen.  I want you
so fucking much!"

"Trust me, my love, I already figured that out," he grinned a sexy smile
and we both laughed at the small joke.  At least it seemed to break the
tension of the last few moments.  I stopped shaking, and just to prove to
both of us that I was fine, I pulled myself out of his arms.

Joe watched me until he was satisfied I really was okay and then sat back
on his heels and cocked his head.  "So, what happened do you think?  What
set you off?"

So typical, I thought.  Of course Joe would be like this - practical,
accepting, calm.  First take care of it, and then find out what happened so
it could be avoided in the future.  It was these instincts that were going
to make him a great doctor someday.

I sighed and thought about it for a minute.  "I don't know, I think it was
the fact that you were on my back and I couldn't see you.  I suddenly felt
trapped."

Joe nodded seriously and considered what I'd just said.  "Okay, well maybe
there is some way we can get around this," he studied my face.  "Unless of
course you don't want to try again so soon."

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow.  "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

He laughed and then flopped back onto the bed and spread his arms.  "Then
take me, I'm yours."

I looked down at him.  Mine.  I shook my head - unfucking believable.  I
was being offered a miracle and who ever turns down one of those?  I leaned
over and kissed him.

This time it was Joe who stayed on the bottom and me who led the way.  In
the past this had never been a favorite position of mine, but now it felt
right, I needed to be in control.  Already Joe seemed to intuitively know
what would please me most so he gave me that power.  And although I could
see by the clench of his jaw and the strain of his shoulders and the way
his fists had gathered up the quilt underneath him, that it was damn near
killing him to remain passive, he did it.

Luckily, once I felt myself back in my comfort zone, I was just as eager as
he was.  So I straddled his hips and felt Joe's cock brush against my back
and thrilled at the thought that soon that big hard piece of meat was going
to be inside me.  And this time there would be no second thoughts.

"You ready?"  My voice was an octave lower than usual and sounded more like
a growl than something human.

"Oh yeah," Joe sounded just as stressed.

I rocked up at the same time I reached around and grabbed him with my hand.
Then slowly I aimed my ass at him.  Like a bull's eye beckoning an arrow,
we met.  I watched Joe's face as I slowly slid down on the head of his
dick.  His eyes widened and then narrowed as the feeling of impaling me
took over.

It was a slow process, this consummation of our love.  I may have been
doing the driving, but I was still leery and I needed time to process
everything my body was telling me.  Thank god Joe wasn't as big as Cam.
Although I'd always loved it eventually, the beginning of my fucks with him
had always been an ordeal and I'd never really adjusted to his size.  Joe,
on the other hand, seemed to have been made for me.  I felt full, but never
to the point where I thought I would rip from the girth.  It was such a
relief.  And when I was finally sitting on his hips I realized that for the
first time, I'd been breached without losing my hard-on.

But it was more than size that made this a much different experience.  From
the very first time on that damn seductive boat of Cam's, getting fucked
had been a real ordeal for me.  The act of submission - of spreading my
legs, and my ass so another male could mount me was almost more than I
could stand.  Of course I did stand it - often and with great enthusiasm.
But still, there had always been that moment, that point where I struggled,
almost in panic, to expel the object in my ass.  Because to be penetrated,
to be taken that way, just never seemed completely right to me, regardless
of how good it got me off.

Not this time.  Not with Joe.  As I felt him enter me, I didn't feel
dominated.  There was no thought that somehow allowing his cock into my ass
made me less than him.  On the contrary, to look down and watch the wonder
and pleasure in his face, made me proud.  I could give him this - me - no
one else.  It was love, it was sex, and most of all it was completion for
both of us.  And I knew that no matter what ever happened between us, that
this feeling would be there in my heart for the rest of my life.

I finally had him all inside.  I was shaking again, but this time, it was
in a good way.  Joe was covered in sweat and his breath rasped in fast
gasps that showed in his rapidly rising and falling chest.  I realized
again that this was his very first time with a man and it was obvious that
the experience had affected him profoundly.  Again, I was amazed that he'd
been so docile.  I knew from my own experience that the first time is so
overwhelming it's almost impossible to not get carried away.  But he'd
hadn't tried to hurry me along or showed any frustration when I hesitated
again and again, taking time to let the feeling of being overstuffed go
away.

"I love you," we said it together.

Joe moved his legs restlessly and I could see that this was my cue.  I
wiggled a little and he groaned.  I leaned down and grabbed his shoulders
as a brace and then lifted my hips a couple of inches.

"Oh God," he twisted his head in a movement of unbearable pleasure.

My thoughts exactly.

I'd planned on taking this slow, reveling in all the feelings this first
time for us was creating.  Making a memory that we'd never be able to
forget.  Nice thought, but I found that once I'd started there was no way I
was going to stop until the final explosion.  Faster and faster I went,
each time elongating my journey until only the head of his cock stayed
inside me as I pulled out, hovering for just a second then slamming back
down onto his hips.  Joe helped me, thrusting up to get that extra bit,
that little extra millimeter I seemed to crave.

My thighs were shaking under the strain and my sweat splashed onto Joe
mixing with his own and gleaming in miniature puddles in the dips and
contours of his hard body.  Just looking at all that wet male flesh made my
balls draw up and I knew it was time for some manual stimulation of my own
dick.  Joe had other ideas.  He grabbed my hands and held onto them as he
half raised and half pulled me down until our lips met for a hot, sweet
kiss.  I don't know if he'd known what would happen or if it was just dumb
luck, but the change in position sent his cock charging over my prostrate
and with a strangled cry that echoed in each of our mouths I came without
ever touching myself.

My ass pulsed, once, twice, and then I stopped counting as my dick jerked
and spewed its load on our chests and stomachs.  Joe yelled my name as my
ass transmitted its joy to his cock and, with one more shout, he joined me
in my newfound state of sexual delirium and filled the condom with his hot
fluid.

"Oh Christ, oh Christ," he murmured into my ear after I'd collapsed onto
him.  "Oh God, Mike," he struggled to raise his head and look at my face.
"Are you okay?"

I blinked once, twice to get him in focus, and then I smiled
blearily. "Well fucked," I said, then collapsed back onto him.

We were silent then, both of us still twitching from the assault to our
synapses.  I felt his fingers spasmodically clutch at my buns, pulling me
closer, his cock still half hard and imbedded in my ass.  I wanted to stay
connected to him like that forever, but it eventually occurred to my
sluggish brain that I had my full weight on Joe and that couldn't feel
good.

"Don't," Joe sounded sleepy, but firm.

I leaned back down and kissed him, but I kept shifting my weight until I
felt his still semi-hard cock slid out of my ass.  "Gotta baby.  You're
probably about 10 seconds away from smothering."

"I don't care," he protested, but the deep breath he took told its own
story.

"Yeah, well I do," I snuggled up to him and sighed as he wrapped an arm
around me.  "See, I plan on having you around for a long, long time and I
don't want to do anything to threaten that."

"Gee and I thought you were being purely altruistic here."

"Nah, this was selfish all the way."

"So," Joe yawned.  "It was okay then?"

I shrugged and decided to follow his casual lead.  "Yeah it was fine."

Joe went absolutely still.  I waited barely breathing for what might come
next.  Slowly his head turned and he looked deep in my eyes.  I watched his
lips twitch in response to what he saw, but that was his only reaction
until he cleared his throat and started to speak.

"You know," he said conversationally.  "You are the biggest smartass I've
ever met and I'm going to make you pay for that."

I don't know where he found the energy after the morning we'd just spent,
but suddenly his hands seemed everywhere, tickling me relentlessly, making
me scream with laughter and then just gasp when I didn't have the breath
for anything more.  He ended up straddling me this time and he grabbed my
hands and held them over my head and leaned in until his nose was only an
inch from mine.

"It was fine..." he mimicked in a smarmy voice, then he growled and
tightened his grip and glared at me.  "You gonna tell me the truth this
time or do you want more?"  He threatened, even as he leaned in and stole a
breathless kiss.

"Ungh!"  I twisted and struggled to get free, but it was no use.

Joe switched both of my wrists into one of his hands and let the other
hover threateningly over my belly.  "Last chance," he warned.

"Okay, okay," I laughed.  "I give up.  It was great, it was perfect - it
was the best fucking orgasm of my life!"

Surprisingly, I didn't see the triumph I'd expected, but instead there was
real doubt in his eyes.  He let me go and got off of me.  Shit, once again
I'd forgotten that this was all new to him.  Of course he was vulnerable.

"Joe?"  He wasn't looking at me.  In fact he'd turned his back.

"Joe," and now I raised myself off the mattress and moved over behind him
and ran my arms around my chest.  "I'm serious here.  It was incredible."

"Well," he said grudgingly.  "It's not like I can take much credit, you did
all the work."  But he relaxed into me and I could tell his doubts were
fading.

"Do you know that never happened to me before?"  I said.

"Huh?"

"At the end when I came," I explained.  "I didn't even touch my cock,
neither did you, didn't even rub it up against you or anything else.  That
never happened before."

"Really?"  He turned and looked at me.

I nodded.  "Never.  Not even close.  And contrary to what the porn stories
say, I don't think it happens very often to anyone."

"Hmmm," he grinned.  "That's pretty cool."

"And what about you?"  I demanded.  "I haven't heard much about what you
thought."

"Well..." he hesitated.

I knew it was my turn to hear some smart-ass comment about being so-so and
braced myself.  But Joe has always surprised me.  I should have remembered
that.

"It felt like the rest of my life."

In my life there are maybe a half a dozen really perfect moments.  Joe had
just added another to the list.  Silently I opened my arms to him and we
lay back down on the bed.

There were a million things I wanted to say and I imagine he had a few more
pearls of his own to share, but the time for talk would come later.  There
are some emotions that words can't come close to expressing.  We told each
other more by the way we held each other, the way our legs tangled
together, how our breathing changed into perfect syncopation, than we ever
could have vocalized in any discussion no matter how long we talked.

So, on a hot July day, in dusty apartment over a garage and in a bed that
was really too small for us, we let each other know that we loved other and
we were committed to each other and we would do our damnedest to keep it
that way.  And we did all of this without saying another word.

I fell asleep and so did Joe.  I know this because I woke first.  It was
afternoon now and the sun came in and dappled patterns of light through the
wavy glass and onto our bodies.  Generally Saturday afternoons in the
summer are busy, noisy times in this neighborhood, lawnmowers and kids
yelling, and radios tuned to Tiger radio.  Today, however, it was quiet.
The only sounds were an angry jay in the trees and the cicadas clicking
away.

Joe slept on.  His lips were parted slightly and the swelling I'd noticed
earlier was even more visible now.  I looked for other signs of our
lovemaking and found them in a faint discoloration at his shoulder from a
love bite and a splash of dried semen on his breast.  We'd managed to at
least dispose of the condom before we'd both totally fallen into a stupor,
but that was about the only clean up we'd done.

I got up out of bed and grinned when I felt the soreness that goes along
with having a cock up your ass.  Such a strange blend of pain and
satisfaction - and knowing who had caused me to feel that way just made it
better.

I went into the bathroom and wiped off the sticky patches as best I could.
I thought about another shower, but I was too damn lazy and besides it
would be more fun to share later.  I rinsed out a washcloth in warm water
and padded out of the bathroom and over to the bed.  I hated to wake Joe,
but at the same time, I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to
look into those blue eyes for another minute.

"Ahhh," he murmured as I started to gently wipe down his body.  "That feels
sooo good."

"It's time to get up," I whispered softly.

"I'm up," he moved his hips suggestively and I saw he was right.

"Yeah, but that's not exactly what I mean," though I had to admit it looked
pretty tempting.

"Okay," he agreed and finally opened those baby blues.  "What's for lunch?
I'm starved!"

"Jesus, is that all you think about?  Sex and food?"

"Yup, and in that order," and to prove his point he grabbed my arm and
pulled me down for a kiss.

We might have gone on from there, but one of our stomachs growled.  I never
did figure out who's.  So we quit with the necking and sat up and tried to
figure out how we could prevent starvation with the minimum amount of fuss.

"Well, we could go out," I offered.  "There's a little Mexi place within
walking distance.  Or you could call Beau and get your car.  Then we could
just go grocery shopping and get what we want."

Joe nodded.  I half expected him to pick up the phone and call Beau.  That
was the logical thing to do.  He'd left his Bronco in his old roomie's care
and all he had to do to get his wheels was let the guy know he was back.

"You know," he finally said thoughtfully.  "You do have food.  There's
burger in the freezer and a jar of spaghetti sauce and all the fixin's for
chili."

"That'll take too long," I whined.  Now that we were talking about food, I
realized how hungry I was.

"Then how about a pizza?  We could just get delivery for one of those.  Or
maybe subs if you didn't feel like a pie."

"Pizza?  Spaghetti?  Jesus, Joe, aren't you sick of Italian food?"

"I haven't had pizza in six months," he protested.  "It's not exactly a
staple in Italy like it is here."

"Still," I insisted.  "We really should figure out a more permanent
solution to our food shortage."

"Mike," he bit his lip.  "Could we just stay here for a little bit longer?
Just the two of us?"

Now I got it.  Of course, Joe was a little bit nervous still about making
his homecoming public.  Especially on the arm of his brand new boyfriend.

"No," he said reading my face.  "That's not it.  At least not the way
you're thinking."

"If you say so," I slid off the bed and grabbed my sweats.

"Mike," he was beside me.  "I swear to you, I don't give a damn about what
people think."

I looked him straight in the eye.  "Are you sure?  I mean I wouldn't blame
you, but I don't want to be lied to."

"I told you," he said softly as he took me in his arms.  "My lying days are
over.  When we walk out that door, we'll do it together and to hell what
anybody thinks.  And it'll be fine you'll see."

I didn't think it was going to be that easy myself, but he looked so
determined and I wanted to believe him.  "Okay."  I relented.

"But," he continued and this time he voice had the coaxing tone he'd used
on countless women in the years I'd known him and it made me smile to think
he was naïve enough to think it would work on me.  "The thing is, that
I'm not ready to share you yet.  Can't we just be for a while, just the two
of us?  Can't we just have the weekend to ourselves before we have to go
out and conquer the world?"

And all the time he was talking, he used that syrupy voice, his body moving
in on me, rubbing my crotch with his, stroking my arms with his long lean
fingers.  My head swam and I realized that maybe I'd been the naïve one
if I'd honestly believed I could resist this guy.  What the hell, I told
myself, it did sound like a great idea.

It sounded even better an hour later when he was feeding me cold pizza in
bed.  Cold because we hadn't managed to do more than pay the delivery boy,
before we felt the need to get naked and once we got naked well, you know
the rest of the story.

And so it went: sex and food, food and sex.  And in between there was a lot
of talk.  I finally got around to telling Joe most of what had happened to
me in the months he'd been gone.  He sat there white faced, but he didn't
interrupt and in the end agreed that he'd go with me on Monday for my next
appointment with Alice.

He told me more about Italy too and also about his conversation with Betsy,
which it seemed had been pretty much along the same line as the one I'd had
with her.  He was as guilty about her as I was, maybe even more if that was
possible.  Another topic we could share with Alice, I thought.

We also talked about more prosaic things.  How we were going to work the
living arrangements, what Joe was going to bring into the house - we even
discussed really buying a new water heater.  Joe was going to paint too and
do some carpentry, another thing I'd never known he could do.  He was going
to ask Lucy if she minded him turning part of the downstairs into a weight
room, since basically there was nothing down there but mouse traps.

I would do my share when I could.  And unlike cooking, construction was
something I knew about.  After all, my dad did own a hardware store and I
had worked there through both junior and senior high.  But now I was
working full time at the law firm, so most of the renovation would have to
be done by Joe and whomever he could con into helping him.

That was another thing we talked about.  Cam.  Joe was still unreasonably
pissed off at him.  I tried to make him see that, but it was going to take
longer than a weekend to change his mind on that subject, if I could change
it at all.  I was going to have to try, I still worked with the guy and the
funny thing was that now that we were absolutely not seeing each other,
we'd finally become friends, something we'd never quite managed when we
were dating.

Look, I could go on and on for pages telling you what we ate and how much
we fucked and what we talked about, but I'm not going to.  And in the end,
those details really don't matter.  What does is that in those two days Joe
and I discovered each other.

Before that weekend, what we'd had was the possibility of love.  Maybe even
the hope of it, but certainly no more.  It wasn't until we were there,
together, talking, laughing, crying - trading sweat and spit and cum that
we finally knew that this really was what we wanted.

But this little honeymoon of ours couldn't last.  Joe was right, we were
going to have to go out and conquer the world.  Sunday morning when I
stepped out on the porch to get the Free Press, I found a note taped to it
from Lucy.  She didn't say much, just that dinner was at three and she was
expecting both of us.  I walked back into the apartment where Joe was
scrambling up the last of the eggs.

"Lucy has invited us for dinner today."

He didn't turn around but I saw his shoulders tense.  "I suppose we have to
go?"

I nodded though he couldn't see.  "I have a feeling this is a command
performance."

Joe shrugged and took the pan off the stove and turned to look at me.
"Well, I guess we should be grateful we managed this much time alone."

We ate in silence.  Afterwards, I cleaned up while Joe went into shave.  I
hadn't noticed him taking any clothes in the bathroom with him, but he must
have because he was dressed when he came out.  It was the first time in
twenty-four hours he'd bothered with more than a towel and I raised my
eyebrows.

"I thought I'd better go find Beau and get the car," he answered my
unspoken question.

"You want me to go with you?"

He shook his head, "No, not this time," he smiled sadly.  "Beau and I have
some unfinished business and I think we should probably handle it with just
the two of us."

"Okay," I probably knew better than he did what was going to happen, but he
was right, it should be something they handled alone.  "I'll call Lucy
while you're gone and tell her to expect us."

"Good," he walked over to my desk and grabbed the grocery list he'd been
working on since the day before.  "Is there anything else you can think
of?"

"Not unless you're going to break down and buy me those chocolate Pop
Tarts."

Joe grinned and came to me and gave me a big sloppy kiss.  "In your
dreams."

He sauntered over to the door and opened it.  I smiled at him as he looked
one last time at me.  It was stupid, but I hated seeing him walk through
that door, and I don't think it was my imagination that made me think he
felt the same way.  We'd had such a short time to be alone together.  It
hardly seemed fair to think it was already over.  But it was, and wishing
couldn't make it any different.

Getting the truck from Beau, going to Lucy's for dinner, they would only be
the first times we'd have to face people and let them know we were a
couple.  And they were relatively easy, because at least they were some of
the few people who already knew what had gone on between us this winter.
There were plenty of others who didn't.  They would all have to find out,
if not from us, from somebody.

As for our shared circle of friends, once Beau found out that Joe was back,
it was only a matter of time before the rest of the guys would know.  These
were our best friends, it wouldn't be right if we didn't make some effort
to formally let them know about our change in status.  I didn't think
anybody would really care or even be that surprised, but still it might be
difficult, especially for Joe, who for all his bravado, was still getting
used to the idea himself.

"Mike?"  Joe was still standing in the door.  I looked at him and watched
as he grinned at me.  "It's going to be okay, you'll see."  And then he put
his hands up to his face and spread his fingers in a parody of an old Bob
Fosse move.  When he saw I understood, he winked at me and drawled.  "It's
Showtime."

Then he turned and disappeared into hot glare of the morning sun.



Author's note: As always I'd like to thank all of you who have written me
and encouraged me to keep on with this story.  And for those of you who are
wondering, there are two more chapters to go of this book and then I'll be
taking a break (yeah I know, it looks like I've been doing that right
along) before I continue with the story in a second serialization of about
the same length, so I guess you'll be stuck with me a while longer.

As always I'd like to thank Nick Archer for his support and his allowing me
to showcase my work on his great site, Archerland.  If you've never visited
there, I strongly recommend it. http://www.archerland.net

Until next time...  Jayne