Date: Tue, 12 Apr 2005 21:59:25 +0200 (CEST)
From: Marcos Rojas <tulindobebito@yahoo.es>
Subject: I hate you so much that I love you 1

Hello to all of you! This is my first story and I want to tell you, that
English isn't my mother tongue. So the text isn't quite good. I'll try to
improve it, of curse if you guys like this story. There are a lot of
feelings in this story, but sex is also going to come, so don't worry. ;-)

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I hate you so much that I love you 1

By Marcos Rojas

"And those, ladies and gentlemen are the major characteristics of
suburbanization in South-East Europe. Unless there are any questions we
will stop here today." Christian finished his lecture in urban geography.
At least he thought so...

"I have a question Mr. Schwalm. Our new visiting professor from the United
States, Mr. Rodriguez told us yesterday in his lecture, that suburbs are
only typical for developed countries, and the thesis of expending it to
South-East Europe is ridiculous." said a very smart-looking girl, with en
vogue glasses, always sitting in the front row and of course always
thinking to know everything better than the professors.

"My answer to that question is well-known, as I am one of the scientists
who have worked on a south-east European suburbanization model. Please
consult the bibliography and if you should still have any questions, well
shall discuss them in my office or during the next seminar, if the class is
also interested in this debate. Any further questions ladies and gentlemen?
All right, meet you than next week. Have a pleasant weekend!" With that he
took his notebook and left the room.

"What an idiot! How long do you think he will be able to fight back
Mr. Rodriguez? I mean he's from the States, and he just knows a lot more
then this little assistant professor of ours!" smart girl said to one of
her neighbors.

"Maybe, but he's cuter than Rodriguez. And besides not everyone is
divinizing American citizens you know. Gotta run, buy Alex." the girl
quickly replied and left before Alex could have answered.

Yes, this is my chance! Alex thought gathering her stuff to leave for the
library. My type of girls just doesn't loose, especially such "easy-cases"
like Schwalm. He IS damn cute and he also is sooo distant, which makes him
be even more attractive, if that is even possible. Alex divinized Schwalm
and did everything to get into his classes and than just bombed him with
questions to get some time alone with him in his office, she knew it too
well, that Schwalm wouldn't allow himself to loose too much time of his
class just to talk about details. He was way too careful to be equally fair
to all of his students, and that killed Alex. She wanted to be in the
center of his attention, only she she and again she! "You are eventually
going to be mine Christian Robert Schwalm! I swear that to you!" said the
girl lost in thought touching the white words on the blackboard, the only
thing he left behind and she could touch.

Back in his office Chris slammed the door throwing his notebook on the
couch. He was too tired of this girl! He couldn't even remember one class
of his where this ugly horrible Alexandra has missed! Even with that big
cold of her she came to class, and last winter was a tough one. Sitting on
his office-chair Chris looked for a second out of the window. Fall was his
favorite season, and the cold breeze touching his face took him for a few
seconds back into his fantasy-world he left behind this morning in his
home. His home, his only place where he can be himself and enjoy life in
its full splendor.

The short sound of his computer brought him back to reality. The sound of a
new mail-message. He turned rolling his eyes and clicked on the little
blinking envelope. "Great, this is just what I needed!
Mr. Smart-American-Ass is going to pay me a visit! I'm sooooo excited I
just can't wait till tomorrow!" he thought gathering his papers routinously
from his desk, packing and taking his wind coat. It was already 6 pm, time
to go home... Walking down the hall he noticed Alex coming out of the
library, which made him turn left on the hall and leave the building using
the back-door. He didn't want to talk to that girl! Not again! It was way
too much for the day. Greeting every passing by student who knew him Chris
finally got to the parking place. His car wasn't a big deal. A VW, of
course a second hand one, because he didn't have enough money to afford
himself a new one. He was glad to have an own place to stay and to have a
modest life. Life isn't that easy for many in this part of Europe. He
slowly put the key into the ignition, started the engine. The radio started
playing one of his absolute favorite songs, the Spanish version of Jennifer
Lopez's Waiting for Tonight. This song took him back to his
university-years, time he had spent here in these buildings totally
alone. Well anyway that was just a year ago, but being a new teacher he had
to take many classes to keep and that's how horror-Alex had the chance to
get into all of them enjoying 100% of Chris pure. Automatically he switched
into rear and pulled out. The loud sound of breaks brought him back to
reality. Terrified he looked into the mirror to see what was behind. All he
could see was something big and black. Getting out of the car Chris ran
towards the other car. The day couldn't end worse, why was this happening
exactly now. The other driver already got there and was inspecting every
inch of his BMW X5.

"Please excuse me! I'm terribly sorry for having scared you! It wasn't my
intention. I don't know where my head was!" Chris would have went on with
his apologizing routine but a rather nervous person stood now in front of
him giving him a questioning and impatient look.

"What? I don't understand what you're saying! You speak English?" The
stranger said looking at me searchingly. Chris couldn't open his mouth but
his anatomy wasn't exactly willing to collaborate with him. It was like
nervous system-Chris war, and this was the final battle.

"Oh great, one more clever guy who doesn't speak any other language but his
mother tongue. What have I done to deserve this?" The guy said touching his
forehead with two fingers of his right hand.

"Yes I speak English. I was just apologizing..." Chris finally started but
was interrupted by the other guy

"Oh great, so now we can talk! Look, spare me the stupid apologies, just be
careful next time. I really don't need someone to destroy my new car. It
just arrived last week from the States. It's more then enough for me that I
can't drive this baby because you don't have any good roads around here, I
don't need any accidents. So next time keep your eyes on that object called
mirror! It's very useful you know, it can prevent damages you probably
wouldn't be able to replace in two lifetimes out of your
south-eastern-European salary! Have a pleasant evening and try to focus on
how you drive, you know, because there are other people on the streets
too. Maybe your ego will give it a thought. That would definitely be a big
progress!" the stranger threw a last disgusted look at him and with that
gone was he, slamming his door and speeding away, leaving Chris in the
middle of the parking behind his running car. His confusion couldn't be any
bigger at that moment.

The rest of the ride was eventless, although Chris couldn't even remember
which shortcut he took. The words of the stranger kept echoing in his
head. Finally in his apartment he took a bath. He felt so bad, so alone and
so useless, and even worse so hurt. "It can prevent damages you probably
wouldn't be able to replace in two lifetimes out of your
south-eastern-European salary" this kept on playing again and again in his
head. He closed his clear green eyes, eyes that nobody could resist. His
mother and Chris always used to argue whether he had green or light-brown
eyes. He just loved the colour of his eyes. He felt like crying. The
picture just kept on torturing him, filling his eyes with tears. Chris
didn't even bother to wipe them. Still motionless in the hot water with
tears running down his cheeks he suddenly realized that he wasn't able to
cry anymore. There were no feelings only tears. Inside of him was a deep
silence and resignation. It scared him. He never was a temperamental guy,
yet hysterical sometimes, according to his parents and some friends. He
just didn't have any latin blood running in his veins. Neither his
hungarian nor his german ancestors had been temperamental. But being so
empty inside, the thought just scared him. The phone begun to ring, but
Chris just couldn't gather enough strength to get out of the water.

It must have been late night he woke up, he was feeling very cold. Opening
his eyes the unpleasant feeling very cold water scared him. It took a few
minutes to realize where he was. He must have fallen asleep in the
tub. Slowly moving the towel all across his body he couldn't feel a
thing. Was this his body? Not even his own touch could give him a warm
sensation. This was definitely too dangerous. He was depressive and he knew
it, but the worse thing was his being that kind of powerless he couldn't do
a thing about it. Not caring about his shivering body he slowly entered the
bedroom and went to bed.

Angela worked since finishing high school as a secretary at the
university. She didn't have an easy life. Her husband an alcoholic, her
only son killed by a car two years ago. But yet she found the strength to
go on and was even the only person who cared about her colleges. "Somebody
has to take care of you boys for the sake of the science" she always says
laughing. She was sitting at her desk sorting the mail when there was a
discrete knock on the door and a very well dressed young man entered the
room. Angela was surprised by so much beauty. This man was just perfect. A
probably 25 years old latin, with intense black hair, not too short, with a
couple of waves giving him a boyish look, beautiful dark eyes, creole
skin. He was wearing an elegant light blue suit with a coral shirt, having
some spectacular silver rings and a bracelet. Stunned as she was Angela
hasn't even heard him talking, al he could see were his perfect teeth, and
some red lips. Before even getting a chance to recover the Adonis handed
her a paper crossing his hands in front of his chest and giving her a bored
look. Blushing because of her staring Angela quickly read the lines, stood
up and gave the young man a sign that she'll be back in a minute. Angela
grew up in the communist age, there was no foreign language teaching
allowed in socialist countries. So every time she talked to stranger, her
hand just got too tired of so much talking.

A knock at the door and Angela was standing instantly in front of Chris'
desk.

"Mr. Schwalm, ahm, the new American visiting lecturer has arrived." She
said excited looking at the Chris.

"Oh, Angela! Thank you, please show him in!" Chris said casually not even
taking his eyes from the screen.

Angela just closed the door without saying a word. "This doesn't look good"
she thought as she "body-speakingly" directed the still cross-handed
waiting latin wonder into the office.

Hearing the opening door Chris took her eyes from the screen looking above
his glasses to see the "new one". He really used to enjoy taking care of
the international affairs of his faculty, but there was something bothering
him, the last two American lecturers have been too much to take. Now he was
waiting for the third to arrive and was not even a bit excited about that.

"You!?!" the latin guy said unpleasantly surprised, recognizing the person
he had been yelling at the night before.

Chris felt his left eyebrow rise, a sign his students very well knew, it
was the "you're in big trouble" look.

"Nice to meet you too. My name is Christian Robert Schwalm." Chris said
offering unwillingly his hand for a shake.

"Look, I don't care who you are! I need to see the responsible person for
international affairs!" the latin boy said quickly scanning the room for
other desks or doors.

"That would be me Mr. ..." Chris said crossing his feet and hands as a
clear sign of rejection.

"Great! This just can't be!" the boy thought feeling his face turning
red. Why do people always get to know my bad side first?

"Ahm, well ... then, I guess ... it's you..." please God tell me this isn't
true! Now it's high time for some miracles, because all alone I can't make
this...

Chris was standing there, still in total rejection waiting for an
answer. This man is unbelievable! It's time for me to strike back:

"So, let's just skip the introduction, you probably can't remember your
name. Maybe you should get you ID out of your fancy BMW, you know the
little card with a picture of you on it. I know it's unbelievable, but your
name also stands there." Now this went too far! Chris could notice some
reaction on the intruder's face. Because at this moment the latin hunk was
an intruder and they were definitely in war! He looked kind of hurt.

"Oh, and don't tell me, you came here to see how it is to live in a poor
country, because for you Americans Transylvania means only a poor country
an Count Dracula..." Deep silence. The air was too heavy, and Chris
wandered if he ever managed to handle situations like this. He normally
never went this far, he didn't like making fun of people.

"Excuse me?" the boy managed to say.

"Oh, which word didn't you understand? Is it ID? Picture or maybe BMW? No
that one surely, let me guess, probably car! That's it! You can't possibly
match the two notions. I mean BMW isn't just a car, is it?"

"You are unbelievable! How can you be this kind of rood???" He said deeply
impressed. Cold shivers ran down on Chris' spine. This tone was
different. Calm and hurt, almost a little defenseless boy.

"Well welcome to YOUR world! If I can remember correctly YOU are the one
whose style this is. Don't blame me for trying to speak you "language" dear
Mr..." Chris said coldly. Even he was surpised by the coldness of his
voice. It was more than rejection, it was almost hateful.

"Rodriguez. Daniel Luis Rodriguez." He said looking right into Chris' eyes.

"You! How dare you!" Chris felt his blood raising. Everything turned red
and he started yelling. "Not even five days pass since you are here, you
don't pay your tutor a visit but start criticizing his work all over campus
and with each and every person you can! My students, the employees of the
library, cafe and even the drivers speak about you questioning my
scientific work! And you dare coming here after yelling at me last night?
Get your superior American ass out of my office!!!" Chris said opening the
door wide.

"But..." the hunk said in shock.

"NOW!!! Or do you want me to call the security? I can do that
Mr. American-Dream, and I will do that! Tell you what! I don't care what
you think of me or what you want from me! And to fix your superiority
complex is the job of your psychologist. You'll have tomorrow another
tutor, now disappear and never ever come back to this office, got that?"
Chris yelled, running out of his office. Daniel just stood there. He felt
like hit by a train. He slowly left the office giving the secretary a weak
smile feeling embarrassed again after several years. He needed a walk. He
felt week and weird.

Back to his office, Chris asked Angela on his way to his office:

"Is IT still in there?"

"No, HE left..." Angela said stretching the word.

"No, it is an IT, and that's it! No arguing on this Angela, trust me!"
Chris said over his shoulder before slamming the door.

He found himself in his office again, pleasantly surprised by the smell of
perfume. It wasn't his. But it smelled good. Closing his eyes he could
clearly see the boyish face of the latin guy. It was too much, damn! He
needed to work! "This just isn't right! How can I be this kind of stupid?
Do I need this? Why do I worry? I hate this guy, I ... hate ... him so very
much." He collapsed on his chair. This can't be! Having human feelings
again... Hating someone... Well this definitely was a progress, but
obviously in the wrong way. The hours passed and Chris got angrier and
angrier. Daniel's boyish face didn't let him work. Why was he so attracted
by this man? He swore to stay single for his entire life. He was only 16
when he discovered his lust and passion for men. Of course he didn't do a
think about it, it was a way too conservative world, his grandpa being a
minister, and her mom after graduating medical school and working as a
dentist, always said to him that fags are sick people, mentally ill,
psychiatric cases, as she has studied. He never said a word, he just
nodded, aching inside because of not being able to talk to his mother about
this. He really loved his mom, they only had each other, after his father
passed away when he was 17. All other relatives left country in search of
better jobs and life. They stayed. And Chris realized that he never goanna
fall in love, because this just can't be. He can't afford it, he can't do
this to his mom and to himself. He would carefully download gay stories,
videos and enjoying the described happiness of other. He was deeply
unhappy, but he managed to work day and night and that way to get away from
those dangerous thoughts. He needs to forget about Daniel. He is gorgeous,
too beautiful to be true. The temperamental latin dream of his, a god on
earth. But he is an American, an arrogant American. And Chris knew even
love was too weak to break his pride. He can't let this guy make fun of him
in front of his students! The animal in him rose to life, he needed to
defend his territory. 10000 years of evolution weren't enough to kill that
instinct...

But no self-control could help him. Chris was lost. He was thinking of
Daniel, the whole day. Finally the evening arrived. It was the greeting of
the new visiting professors and he needed to be there too. He quickly
showered and went into his bedroom. Throwing half of his wardrobe on the
bed he set disappointed there staring at the closet. Dressing was his life
and problem. He loved to shop clothes, but special occasions always made
him nervous. He finally picked tight black pants, a green T-shirt matching
the color of his eyes and a matching jacket. He looked good. After putting
on some cologne he took his new shoes, very on vogue, looked at his hands
and changed a ring. He could kill for silver rings. Wearing always two or
three of them ladies admired him and he just enjoyed it being more careful
in choosing his jewels as women were. Glancing at his watch he ran out of
his flat leaving a total mess behind, jumping into the car and driving
madly through the city.

"Hello Chris! Glad you made it!" the professor said. "Come take you seat
here in front, these people need to be tutored and they need to see you."

"Thank you professor, you are very kind." A casual answer for a casual
situation.

Chris barely had a chance to look at the crowd, as the professor stood up
and the crowd got still. It was a usual boring speech. Chris just looked at
an old painting hanging on wall opposite to him, somewhere way too
behind. The big professor looked proud on the painting. "Well, probably
married with two children, by now grandchildren too. He has someone to go
home to..." Applause brought him back to reality. He didn't miss a thing,
the next thing to do was to go to his group and than go through the usual
official stuff, giving some information and afterwards going to the
theatre. It was a routine for him.

Chris never liked to join large groups of people. He preferred waiting till
the enthusiastic lady-colleges took gathered their groups. More and more
people left the auditorium. At that point Chris saw someone with a green
paper in his hand, nervously playing with it, rotating and moving it in all
directions in front of his body as if not knowing what to do with it. Green
was his sign. Chris slowly walked towards the guy standing in on corner
looking lost. His face wasn't visible, as he had his back turned towards
Chris. Scanning the few people left Chris realized that he only had one
"client" this evening. This was surely a relief. Now this only client
didn't look bad at all. He was dressed in a white suite, and the collar of
a red shirt was visible. "Pretty good, the guy has good taste! But why do I
have this deja vu feeling?" Right then the guy turned. Chris' jaw dropped
and the guy's eyes opened wide.

"YOU AGAIN???" Chris shouted.

"Oh, God! This can't be!" Daniel rolled his eyes. Before Chris could say a
word he quickly went on:

"Look, let's try to act like normal people here! You do your job and I will
never bother you again. Is that OK with you. It's the fastest way to get
rid of me..."

Chris was in shock. He felt his hand taking the guys arm and pulling him
into one of the side rooms. Without saying a word he sat down and took the
papers lying on the desk. Daniel was still standing giving Chris a
frightened look. Chris just indicated him to sit down. He did that like a
good kid. His eyes were still focused on Chris. This guy was just
beautiful. Accepting his own sexuality wasn't easy for Daniel. He was a
latin and red-blooded. He needed to know, and he needed to be shore. And
God he had some experience, he just knew he was gay. He just didn't believe
in love at all. Sex was equal with love to him. He never had feelings for
any of the guys he slept with, at the beginning it was just to clear his
sexuality afterwards just to please his sexual needs. He hated himself for
that, but he knew he was unable to love someone. He was only a pretty doll,
a boy-toy, nothing more. But looking at this guy, silently filling out the
forms, sitting there ignoring HIM, the gorgeous one, was way too much. He
was fascinated by this guy. He was cute, he exposed his point of view and
broke his jock-behavior. This guy was phenomenal. He never was thrown out
from anywhere, and never with that anger and passion. Looking at Chris
silently writing he checked the guy out. He wasn't as tall as he, maybe
1,80 cm, definitely not an athlete but with an attracting body. Beautiful
hands, blond-black hair and rose-color lips, probably very soft, too
soft... awww... whops! Chris looked at him. Those green eyes were
magnetizing, intelligent and sexy. Very sexy. And his glasses were made him
even sexier it that was possible. Looking above his glasses at Daniel, a
slight smile escaped Chris' lips. "Oh God, he is gorgeous!"

"All done! Please sign here and then here..." Chris was pointing with an
elegant fountain pen.

"God, this guy sure has taste. These silver rings with mexican symbols. And
the pen..." Daniel reached for the pen. Their fingers touched and both boys
felt strange. It was too good to be true. Chris' fingers felt too soft,
Daniel wished he could stop time. "OK God, second chance to do some
miracle! Don't blow it! Pleeeease!!!" Daniel thought pausing a bit too long
touching Chris' hand. To be able to show Daniel where he should sign, Chris
rose from his chair and leaned closer to Daniel. If the view and the
touching were Heaven, this must be the Heaven after dying in Heaven. Daniel
felt the world spinning as Chris' perfume took over the control of his mind
besieging his nostrils. He was lost. He was feeling something totally new,
an experience he never had and feelings he never knew they would
exist. Signing automatically Daniel was still in the trance as Chris looked
right into his eyes. Chris couldn't imagine what was going on with this
boy. His face was even cuter as in the afternoon and his eyes were
burning. A pure latin fire, a fire that would probably take him over in
seconds. There is no escape, he couldn't escape even if he wanted. But he
didn't. He felt strangely attracted to this boy. He was hating so much that
he needed to kiss him. The most stupid feeling in the world. The stupid
novels can't be right! He mustn't feel like this!!! And why on earth this
guy!!! He hated him so much that he felt deadly attracted to him. There was
no turning back, the inner magnet started pulling him towards Daniel. He
looked straight into the boys eyes. He was hypnotized. Their eyes
locked. Daniel's eyes were burning, shooting their fire right into Chris'
green ocean eyes. The elements met and there was tension pure. What to do
now? Who would crack first? Daniel slowly leaned towards Chris and kissed
his lips, never loosing eye-contact for a second. This was too much. Daniel
felt like exploding. The touch of Chris' lips made him come over the
edge. He escaped a low moan and broke the contact with Chris. After the
fire the ice came. The stayed there without moving, Daniels body was still
shaking because of his orgasm. He couldn't believe it. He was 25, and yet a
simple kiss made him cum without toching himself. After the orgasm ended he
again looked into Chris' eyes. He panicked. This was too good to be true,
and he didn't care about not seeing Chris again, he needed to leave. And
that before Chris could say a word to him. But those eyes were locking
him. His feet were locked though his mind was screaming "Run!" And so he
did, he just ran out of the room leaving Chris standing there, halfway on
the desk in the position he kept on since the kiss ended.

To be continued?

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Any comments, remarks? Please tell me your opinion! Mails in German and
Spanish are also welcome! ;-)

Take care! Marcos tulindobebito@yahoo.es