Date: Sun, 4 Mar 2001 10:55:29 -0500 (EST)
From: sliders21@iname.com
Subject: if i let you go 11 (college)

Note: I have been kinda busy lately but I made this one a little longer. I
didn't realize this story would end up with more than 10 chapters. I'll try
to post the next one soon.


**************
If I let You Go 11
**************


**********
Jason's POV
**********

	"Good morning!" James greeted me with a huge smile on his face. I
just grunted a greeting and sat down on the table. I started to eat my
breakfast half-heartedly. I still can't believe I saw Kyle and Ryan
sleeping together.

	"I heard Kyle got lucky last night," James said in a teasing
voice. "It seems your ex-roommate is involved somehow."

	"Where did you hear that?" I said in irritation.

	"One of the guys told me," James laughed out. I barely ate my
breakfast before I went back up to my floor. To my great dismay, I bumped
into Ryan in the hallway. We both stopped in our tracks and looked at each
other silently.

	"Hey," Ryan said in a very nervous voice.

	"Morning," I said as I tried to keep my voice even. "You seem to--"
I didn't get to finish my sentence because Kyle choose that moment to step
out in the hallway. He froze and looked at Ryan and me in embarrassment.

	"Hey," Kyle walked up to us as he tried to keep his voice
steady. Kyle gave me a nervous smile and then faced Ryan and handed him a
wallet. "You left this."

	"I'd better leave you two alone," I whispered to them as I started
walking towards my room again.

	"Jason, wait," I heard Ryan call out to me. I stopped and looked
back at them. Kyle was looking down on the floor as Ryan was giving me a
very helpless look. He couldn't possibly think of any stupid reason to get
out of this situation. "I...umm...I...this isn't what it seems." Ryan was
fidgeting as he spoke to me. He became silent as he looked at my
expressionless face.

	"I have a meting at the council this morning," I sighed out deeply
as it became obvious he couldn't think of any reason to give me. "I'd
better hurry or I'll be late. I'll see you guys whenever."

*************

	"You seem to be a little distracted lately," Lisa asked me while we
were having a late lunch later that day.  "You were quiet during the
meeting this morning even if all of us were all yelling and shouting at
each other."

	"I was a little sleepy," I sort of glared at her. "Next time could
we not meet so early? And would you please stop this stupid business with
the Guardian?"

	"They have been on my back since the start of the term," Lisa shot
back at me.

	"They probably didn't like the way you almost cut off their
funding," I retorted back at her. I saw Kyle walk in the cafeteria just
then. He immediately walked over to our table. Lisa was still ranting about
the Guardian when Kyle came up to us.

 	"Hey," Kyle gave both of us a smile as Lisa smiled at Kyle.

	"Nice game the other week," Lisa said to Kyle.

	"Umm..thanks," Kyle then looked at me. "Can I talk to you Jason?
It's very important."

	"Okay, I guess," I stood up and nodded my head. We said goodbye to
Lisa and walked out of the cafeteria. We found an empty room and Kyle
locked it behind us.

	"What do you want to talk about?" I said casually as I sat down on
a chair. I knew what he wanted to talk about but I wanted him to say it
first.

	"The guys said you saw me and Ryan together," Kyle said to me after
he pulled a chair in front of me.

	"They were a little drunk and I should have stopped them from
spying on the guys at the dorm," I gave him a weak smile. "But I thought it
would be kind funny if we burst in on a couple doing the nasty. I just
didn't thought we'd be seeing you and Ryan together."

	"I went home drunk from the party last night and I think I bumped
into Ryan on the way," Kyle said as he ran his hand thru his hair.

	"You think you bumped into Ryan?" I looked at him in bewilderment.

	"I was wasted last night," Kyle said in a whisper. "There were a
couple of girls that kept on coming to me and I kept on wishing it would be
a guy. I got so depressed so I drank a lot. I bumped into Ryan and we ended
up going back to my room."

	"And the guys are making it hard for you? I'll talk to them and-"

	"No, it's not that," Kyle shook his head at me. "I told them this
really stupid reason and I don't know if they believed it or not. I really
don't care. I just wanted to ask you about the QC."

	"Shouldn't you be asking a member of the QC and not me?" I said to
him thoughtfully.

	"I don't really know any of them," Kyle looked bashfully at
me. "I-had wanted to be a member since last year but I was scared of what
you guys will think."

	"And after what we saw last night, you figured what the hell, huh?"
I smiled at him weakly. "But why tell me this?"

	"I know you're friends with a lot of the QC people," Kyle's face
was a little flushed as he spoke. "Can...you accompany me to one of their
meetings? Please?"

	"You mean one of their organization meetings or one of their
support group meetings?" I kinda got this feeling Kyle was speaking of the
latter one.

	"I believe they are having one of their support group meetings
later at the student center," Kyle answered me. "Will you come with me?"

	"I'll be at the council office," I sighed out deeply. "If you're
sure you want to do this then just pick me up later."

	"Thanks!" Kyle grinned at me and leaned forward and gave me a hug.


**********
Ryan's POV
**********

	I fucked up big time! Why did I have to get so drunk that I came
back to some guy's room and had sex with him? And the worst part of it was
that it was one of Jason's friends and lived in the same floor as he did.

	"It's okay," Kyle gave me a weak smile. We were back at his room
after that humiliating scene with Jason in the hallway. "Jason wouldn't
think of you any less now that he knows you're gay."

	"You think..he knows what happened between us?" I asked him in a
whisper as I tried hard to hold back my tears.

	"I..don't know," Kyle said truthfully. "All I knows is that Jason's
one of the nicest guys around campus. I know he's friends with a lot of the
Queer Coalition people so he probably don't hate gays."

	"You..think he's gay?" It felt a little weird asking him that
question but I just had to know.

	"I don't know," Kyle gave me this funny look. " I had this stupid
crush on him since the first time I saw him. I guess I'm not the best
person to answer your question." Kyle then laughed out and gave me a
crooked smile. "I guess this means we won't be going out on a date or
something like that, huh? Seeing as you have this thing for Jason."

	"I'm not-" I blushed deeply but Kyle just laughed again and cut me
off.

	"What happened last night was very special for me," Kyle winked at
me that made me blush even more. "We were both drunk but I don't regret
anything. I'm very sure now that I'm gay coz I hadn't been as turned on as
last night as I was with any of the girls I ever dated. I know we're not
really meant to be together but I'm happy I got the chance to be with you
even for a short while."

	"I'm your first?" I asked him shyly.

	"First guy," Kyle nodded his head.

	"You're my first everything," I confessed to him. "For what it's
worth, I'm pretty sure I'm gay because I really enjoyed what happened last
night too."
	"Too bad it was not with Jason, eh?" Kyle said as he winked at me.

	"He's really not gay?" I asked him again softly.

	"Maybe," Kyle shrugged his shoulders. "I know he haven't dated any
girls on campus yet. He doesn't seem to be interested in them. Although he
is really so busy with the council and everything. You know what? You
should be asking his roommate James or Lisa from the council. They're the
ones closest to Jason."


***********
Jason's POV
***********

"Thanks for doing this for me again," Kyle said to me with a huge smile on
his face as we walked down to the conference room where the QC was having
it's support group meeting.

	"Glad I could help," I flashed him a smile. We reached the
conference room and there were about thirty people there. When we entered,
they all looked at us. I knew they weren't surprised to see me since I was
the head of the External committee of the council, which means I get to
talk with the different organization within the campus. But I think this
was the first time a jock was seen during any QC hearing.

	"Hey," Billy quickly came up to us. He gave me a smile as he looked
at Kyle and me quizzically. "Any problems Jason?"

	"No," I said as I glanced at Kyle. He was looking around nervously
as was trying hard not to move restlessly. "Actually it's kind of a funny
story." I grabbed his arm gently and told Kyle to sit down for a while.

	"What's wrong?" Billy asked me as I pulled him into a corner. He
looked back at Kyle sitting on a chair at the back row. "I heard from some
guys that Kyle is sleeping with your roommate. Is that true?"

	"My ex-roommate Ryan," I nodded my head. "That's why I am here
actually. Kyle wanted to come here but he was afraid to come alone. You
mind if I stay here while you guys have your meeting?"

	"Like these guys will mind having a handsome guy in our meeting,"
Billy laughed out. "So, Ryan is coming out today also?"

	"No, why?" I asked him quizzically but he just nodded his head
behind me. I turned around and saw Ryan standing by the doorway. He looked
very nervous and hesitant as he looked around the room. Our eyes met when
he looked at my direction.

	I felt Billy pulling me towards Ryan as I continued to stare at him
dumbfoundly. I knew he was gay since last night but it still hasn't sunk to
my head yet. Maybe because if I accepted the fact that he was gay then it
would mean that he didn't like me one bit. There were a lot of times we
could have ended up together but he ended up with Kyle instead.

	"You wanna join the group also?" Billy asked Ryan. "Your boyfriend
is already here?" Billy pointed over to Kyle who was giving us this funny
look.

	"Billy!" I hissed out at him as I elbowed him. Then I looked a Ryan
and smiled at him. "Anything we can help you with Ryan?"

	"I..thought you weren't a member of the QC," Ryan asked me in a
stutter.

	"I wish Jason was a member," Billy laughed out loudly. "He's just
accompanying your boyfriend Kyle."

	"Kyle?" Ryan looked over at Kyle as he blushed deeply. "He's not my
boyfriend. I mean we're not together like that."

	"But you were with him last night," I blurted out before I could
stop myself. That made Ryan blush in embarrassment.

"I.... I was drunk and I didn't really know what I was doing," Ryan was
sort of dancing as he fidgeted around. "That's why I am here. To find out
more about being...gay."

	There. Now it's official. Ryan is gay. And he's not interested in
someone like me. He's probably more interested in a jock-type guy like
Kyle. One night with Kyle and he decided to be gay. Maybe I should have put
the moves on him a long time ago. But that wasn't my style. I need someone
who's more than just a lover but someone that could be my best friend also.

***************
To be continued
***************

Note: I'm not really sure whether to make Jason and Ryan a couple or not. I
know it was the way the story was going but in reality life sucks and Ryan
and Jason won't end up together.


Any comments are welcome at: sliders21@iname.com