Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000 10:50:29 -0400 (EDT)
From: sliders21@iname.com
Subject: if-i-let-you-go-3

Note: While I was writing part 2, I got sleepy so I decided to stop
mid-way. Here's the rest of what was supposed to be included in Part 2. Of
course you know that means this one is a short chapter also.


********************
If I Let You Go - 3
********************

	*********************
	Jason's Point of View:
	*********************

	I didn't know why I didn't tell Ryan that I was meeting Jack for
lunch.  It's not like he didn't know his brother and I know each other. But
then again, Ryan doesn't seem to know his stepbrother's secret. Jack might
want me to keep silent about it.

	"Thanks for agreeing to see me," Jack said to me as I walked up to
him after my Math class. Jack was waiting for me outside my classroom.  We
went down to the cafeteria and bought some sandwiches and milk and sat down
in the corner table.

	"First, I want to thank you for not saying anything to Ryan about
me and Tommy," Jack said softly.

	"I kinda figured that you didn't want to say anything about seeing
you in Nice with your boyfriend.  I remember you telling me that no one in
your family knows about your sexuality," I nodded my head. "Anyway, I
thought you were living in Los Angeles? Did Tommy move here with you?"

	"Tommy......died three months ago in an accident," Jack said in a
haltingly.  Tears started to form in his eyes but he held them back.

	"I'm sorry," I reached out and squeezed his hands.

	"Thanks," Jack forced a smile at me as I withdrew my hands. We both
fell silent for a while. We started to eat our sandwiches quietly. We were
both lost in our own thoughts. I was remembering seeing Jack and Tommy
together in Nice. They looked very happy together. A lot happier than my
parents or my older brother and his wife, in fact.

	"Jack? Jason?" A voice called out to us. We both looked up and saw
Ryan looking at us quizzically.

	"Hey," I said as I smiled at him.  I knew he knows something was up
since the mood between Jack and me wasn't a happy one.

	"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Ryan looked at us with
uncertainty.

"We were just having lunch and catching up on news," I quickly said as I
moved a little. "Would you like to join us?"

	"Thanks," Ryan said as he sat down besides me. No one said a word
for a few seconds. Ryan just looked at Jack and me keenly.

	"I was just going to tell Jack here about you winning the contest
yesterday," I said to him after clearing my throat.

	"Really?" Jack looked at Ryan, trying to feign interest. "What
contest was it?" Ryan began to tell him what happened. I just remained
silent and watched Jack's face. He seemed to be trying to focus on
listening to Ryan.  But for the first time since I saw him again, I noticed
something different about him. His eyes that used to be so full of life
looked very empty now.

***********

	I got back to the dorms pretty late. Ryan was still up, sitting
down on his desk, shirtless, doing some homework.  I greeted him and sat
down on my bed and started to take off my shoes.

	"Jason?" Ryan looked at me. I looked back up at him and saw that he
was facing me now, a very serious look in his face.

	"Yeah?" I sat up straight and looked at him quizzically.

	"Is something wrong with Jack?" Ryan said delicately.

	"What made you ask that question?" I tried to laugh it off but
there was a hint of nervousness in my voice.

	"My new step-dad asked me to call up Jack once in a while to check
up on him. He said that Jack hadn't been himself lately. You know anything
about it?"

	"N-no," I shook my head.

	"O-kay," Ryan didn't seemed convinced by my answer and I didn't
blame him. I knew he suspects something was wrong and I really didn't know
what to do. I'm not the one he should be interrogating.

	Ryan faced the book he was reading again. I thought that it was
over. I stood up and unbuttoned my cargo pants and started to take them
off. What Ryan said made me fall back on my bed in shock.

	"Tommy's death really affected Jack, huh?" Ryan said casually. He
didn't look at me when he said it. He was still writing down some notes on
his notebook as he read his book.

	"What did you say?" I said in disbelief. My pants were still around
my ankles as I stared at him, open-mouthed.

	"Tommy was his best friend, right?" Ryan again didn't look at me
when he answered. "I met him during the wedding.  Jack introduced him to
the family. They seemed to be very...close to one another.  You know that
Tommy died in a car accident, right?"

	"Umm," I was trying to organize my thoughts. Ryan seems to suspect
something but I didn't know whether to tell him the truth now or
what. "Yes. Jack told me earlier."

	"I hope I could find a friend like that someday," Ryan said to my
utter shock. This time glanced at my direction for a second before burying
his face in the book again. I must have looked at him stupidly for a minute
before I felt myself standing up and getting out of my pants.


	"I'll just take a shower," I said to him softly as I got a towel
and quickly got out of the room.  I was able to relax when I was in the
hallway. What the fuck did Ryan mean by that remark? Was he hitting at me?
But that means that he knows that Jack was gay and Jack was sure no one in
his family knows about Tommy.

****************

**********
Ryan's POV
**********

	Shit! Did I just say what I just said?! Jason must think I'm some
kind of faggot now! I just wanted to tell him that I wanted my friends to
miss me like Jack misses Tommy!  That's not what I mean! I mean---FUCK!

	I'm not even sure Jack is gay and that Tommy was his
boyfriend. That's just a rumor I heard during the wedding. That can't be
true, right? But then again, Jack does seem to be affected too much by
Tommy's death. And Jason's reaction was pretty extreme.

	God! If Jack is gay, then Jason must know about it. He was in Nice
with Tommy and Jack, right? Then he must have thought I was hitting on him
with my stupid comment earlier!

	I started to bang my head on the table. I groaned out uselessly as
I stood up and began to pace back and forth.  Fifteen minutes later, Jason
came in the room. He was drying his hair and gave me a quizzical look.

"You're back," I said stupidly. I just have to straighten things out with
him.  He nodded his head a she went to dump the towel in his laundry
basket. I sat down on my bed and cleared my throat. "Umm...You have any
best friends Jason?"

	"Yeah," Jason nodded his head at me as he lay down on his bed. I
watched Jason grab a pocket book and started to read it.

	"Do you miss them?"

	"Of course I do," Jason looked at me quizzically.

	"I don't have any best friend back in Green Valley," I was praying
this story would explain to him what I meant with my stupid comment
earlier. "I think it would be kinda cool to have a best friend, you know
what I mean? To have someone who knows you really well and who you could
trust with your life. Jack told me once that Tommy was the best best friend
he ever had and the one person in the world he would trust his life with."

	"I see," Jason said to me slowly. I hate him! I didn't really know
if he believed me or not with that stupid blank expression on his face. I
really don't know whether I liked it more if he was as nervous as heel or
as irritating to figure out as he is he now. Did he believe me or not?

	But I kept ignoring the most important thing. Why the hell did I
say that stupid comment in the first place? I had a suspicion that Tommy
and Jack was a couple. I had never really thought about it before but could
the one thing that could make me happy is finding the love that Tommy and
Jack shared?


***************
To be continued
***************

Any comments are welcome at: sliders21@iname.com