If you don't agree with guys being in love with guys, then you need to find someplace else to spend time. Okay, these characters are not meant to resemble any living or dead person. I make no apology to anyone who is offended by anything in this story. Let me know what you think of the story by emailing me at:
Copyright 2008, -2012 by Chuck B.
Our story starts at Shaun and Trent's dad's house in Utah as Trent packs for his flight to see Jason and Shaun. He's on vacation, a small break from school, and managed to get his dad to agree to let him visit Shaun by himself. It will be worth it to get away from the house.
= = =
He had a great flight and now he's waiting to be picked up by his brother and his brother's boyfriend. Finally, he sees the guys and he walks up to them.
"Thanks for letting me visit."
"No problem, brother!" Shaun says, patting his brother on the back.
"Can I get those for you?" Jason asks, pointing to Trent's luggage.
"Umm... Thanks!" Trent says.
Jason grabs the luggage and they started walking towards the airports exit. Trent feels funny being around Jason.
Trent doesn't talk much the entire 15 mile trip to the apartment. He's scared of saying anything that might arouse Jason or Shaun's curiosity. He still feels an attraction to Jason. In fact he's been stealing glances since Jason showed up. He's also been having some dirty thoughts about his brother's lover as well. In fact, he's hiding an erection, using his carryon bag.
Trent is hoping he can keep quiet. The last thing he needs is for Shaun to find out about his crush on Jason. Right now, he doesn't need to have his brother mad at him. He's under enough stress as it is. Unknown to Trent, the guys already know about his crush on Jason.
He hopes Shaun and Jason haven't seen him looking. Jason already has though. He plans on talking to his boyfriend before the day is over. This situation needs to be put to an end. Shaun knows that something is wrong with his brother. He can't put a finger on it though. Sure, there are signs that Trent's gay, but Shaun knows you don't count on outward signs. Trent's stolen glances are been caught by Shaun. There needs to be a talk between Shaun and Trent before little brother goes back home. Trent quietly stares out the window, unsure of what the future may hold for him.
Trent has been sick lately and it's mostly because of his nerves. He's gay and all of this is just eating at him. All Trent wants at this point is too put this behind him. He's not sure that he can deal with all of this. For two weeks he's had on and off again headaches, diarrhea, and a slight upset stomach. Even now he has a headache. He blames his mom.
His mom has been driving him crazy. Every time, he turns around there she is. She moved his computer downstairs and activated the parental controls on it. She has blocked all searches for gay, porn, homosexual, and sex. He has no access to the Trevor project or other places where he might get help. She is constantly asking him about a girlfriend. She has even tried setting him up. He keeps telling her that his schooling is way more important. Things have been horrid. He finally asked to move in with his dad. He's only been there one week though.
He's hoping for some relief; maybe get a chance for help. Just getting out of his mother's house has helped a bunch, but what he really needs is some support. Seeing a gay-friendly shrink wouldn't be a bad idea either. Maybe he should have gotten the help at home. Now he has to deal with his feelings for Jason. He hates it, but he can't help himself. He's been hiding it from everyone for so long that he just wants the closet to open.
He wants to come out of hiding, but he's nervous. He knows his dad is okay with Shaun, but will he be okay with having another gay son? Trent is all mixed up right now. He wants to tell people, but he doesn't want to be hurt either. It would just be one more log added to the fire that is already burning out of control.
He's had suicidal thoughts three times already this year. The thoughts scare him even more than his mom. What worries him is that he's just not that strong of a person. He's afraid that someday... that someday he'll actually follow through on one of those thoughts. One good thing about him is that he's scared of the pain; otherwise he might have killed himself a long time ago. The worst part is no one knows. How can he tell someone about his thoughts without telling that he's gay?
Arriving at the house, Jason takes Trent up to the guest bedroom. Trent wishes that his brother would have taken him upstairs. He feels weird being around Shaun's soon-to-be husband. Being around him always wakes up Trent junior. Jason shows him where the towels are stored.
"Umm... Jason, where is the bathroom located?"
"It out the door and to the left."
While Jason is helping Trent get situated, Shaun is downstairs making lunch, including Jason's sack lunch for work. He's also worried about his brother.
Jason comes down and joins Shaun in the kitchen. Jason kisses Shaun on the back of his neck. "I love you!" Shaun tells Jason. Shaun stares into Jason eyes.
Shaun and Jason need to be on the same page on the whole Trent issue.
"Shaun, Trent's been glancing at me again."
"Oh?" Shaun acted like he didn't know what Trent had been doing. He's worried, though, that this time around he seems much more quiet than usual. "Have you noticed how quiet he's been so far?"
"Yeah, I have to admit, things have been a bit muted around here."
Shaun can tell that his brother is depressed. Being the older brother, Shaun just wants to fix whatever is wrong.
"Honey, you're not the only one who's worried."
"You can tell?"
"Yeah... it's stamped across your forehead."
The guys have no clue exactly what is wrong with Trent; maybe, just maybe, it's what they suspected after graduation.
"Honey, do you think it has something to do with him being gay, or maybe it's having to be around me?"
Shaun could see how maybe being gay might be an issue, but why would he suddenly be all depressed about being around Jason?
Shaun thinks back to the time around graduation. Jason is still giving him that `are you going to do something' look.
"You know there is another way to look at this."
"Well, if my brother is checking you out, at least we know he has good taste in guys."
Jason doesn't say anything, but he does sort of chuckle. Jason thinks Shaun should talk to his brother.
"Hey, maybe you should go upstairs and see what's wrong."
"Honestly, I think you should be the one to talk to him."
If Jason is alone with Trent, there might be a problem that suddenly pops up that might add to Trent's problems.
"Trent isn't going to be able to concentrate on what I'm saying and you know that."
It might sound funny, but it's true. Being around Jason does have that effect on Trent. Shaun was hoping that things would be better with his brother, but clearly, things are not. Things can't be better when even now the young man is crying into his pillow so he doesn't attract any attention from downstairs.
"Honey, you need to talk to him."
"I will," Shaun says, committing himself to having the discussion with his brother.
"Babe, I need to go."
Jason grabs his lunch and his keys and then they exchange a quick kiss.
Jason leaves the house and heads for the university. He's expecting to attend a GSA meeting today. As he gets out of the car, he sees at least three squad cars and an ambulance. There isn't time for him to be nosy right now. Jason is already a couple minutes late for the meeting. He walks over to the student rec center and sees a note on the door. The note says that the meeting has been cancelled.
While Jason was away at school, Shaun decided to call his dad. The discussion was, of course, going to be about Trent.
"Dad, I'm really worried about Trent."
His dad is speechless at first as he gathers his thoughts.
"Your mom is the cause of this mess. She is hell-bent on controlling every aspect of his life."
"He's barely said anything to me or Jason since he got off the plane."
His dad isn't surprised at all by the news.
"He's been really withdrawn here too. When Trent asked me about going out to see you, I was hoping for some kind of a miracle."
Dad knows it's only a matter of time before Trent has some kind of a breakdown. Without saying a thing, both Dad and Shaun realize that Trent is at risk for becoming another number, another statistic, another reason to hold a vigil.
"Dad, I promised Jason that I would talk to him, and I think I'll do it soon, because he's yet to come downstairs from his bedroom."
"Make sure you do, that boy looks up to you."
"I'll go up as soon as I am down talking to you, Dad."
"Well in that case, bye!"
There was silence on the phone and Shaun realizes that his dad just hung up on him.
Shaun walks up to the bottom of the stairs. He takes a deep breath and then climbs the stairs. Trent's problems, whatever they are, need to be solved. Trent may not hold together for another month, especially if he ends up back at their mom's house. Shaun approaches the guest room and what he hears makes him sad. He hears the sound of someone sobbing. He decides to hold back the conversation. Trent needs to get out of the room.
"Hey, you coming down to eat?"
At least now, it's quiet in the room. He tried. Shaun knows that he needs to talk to him, but he also knows that sometimes crying is a good thing.
Shaun hears the front door open and goes down to see who just walked into the house. Although it's more than likely Jason, he still wants to check. Sure enough, as he gets to the bottom of the stairs Jason is sitting in the living room.
"That was a quick meeting."
"Yeah, it got cancelled."
Jason sounds very bummed. It hits Jason that there were cop cars at school today.
"Any idea what happened up at the college today?"
"No, what happened?"
"I'm not sure, but there were three police cars and an ambulance outside the West Dorms."
"Maybe someone went nuts."
Shaun was joking, though it was not really funny.
"I don't know Shaun. I think it's more than that, but we'll just have to wait to find out."
The guys dismissed the incident and then went back to their normal routine. Shaun went upstairs to talk with Trent. Jason went into the office to work on a paper.
The phone rang and Jason picked it up.
"Jason, this is Brent Stevens. I'm calling to let you know that Mike Wilson committed suicide this morning."
Jason's heart sank. He had talked with Mike two nights ago about getting a study night together. Mike was one of those gay guys that you wouldn't know was gay at all unless you asked him.
"Was there a note?"
"Yeah, but it's not been released to the public yet. I'll have more information as soon as the leadership gets around to making a decision."
"Okay, call me when you find out."
"I'll do that; bye for now."
Jason hung up the phone and then went upstairs to find Shaun. Jason finds him in their bedroom. He relates the story to Shaun.
"We're going to the funeral or whatever, right?"
"Yupe!" Jason says to Shaun.
The couple headed downstairs together.
They were not downstairs ten minutes when Trent came down from his room.
"Shaun, can we talk?"
"Sure." Shaun jumped at the chance to talk with his brother. He leads him out to the patio.
"So what's up?"
"Can we go someplace else to talk?"
"Okay." Shaun got up and went to the backyard, to the area by the pool, followed by Trent.
The guys rearranged the furniture so they can face each other. Shaun is hoping that his younger brother will tell him what's going on inside that head of his. Trent looks at Shaun as he struggles to get the words started. Trent looks down at the ground and says, "I'm gay." Shaun waited a few seconds before speaking. Trent didn't want to look him in the eyes.
"Trent, look at me for a second, would you?"
Trent picked up his head and Shaun could see the tears rolling down his face.
"There is no reason for you to ever be scared to tell me something, especially not that."
"You'll tell Dad and then Dad will tell Mom and then all hell will break loose."
Shaun knows all too well that if their mom did find out that Trent's life would be ruined, at least until he could move out on his own or move in with Dad.
"Trent, it's not my place to tell Dad. You need to do it when you are ready. When it comes to Mom, you don't have to tell her, if you don't want too, but in any case, don't do it till after you move out."
Trent's face lit up as he took in what his older brother said. Now he needed to tell Shaun one more very difficult thing.
He had to tell Shaun about his feelings for Jason.
"Shaun... I... I need to tell you something, but first you have to promise me that you won't get mad."
`How much worse could it be?' Shaun thought to himself. Trent was digging up the courage to tell Shaun. He hated that his body and mind reacted to Jason. Every time he is around Shaun's boyfriend his penis gets hard and he has thoughts of kissing him, or even that he loves him.
"Tell me what's going on, please."
"Okay, but don't hit me."
"I won't hit you," Shaun said, as he crossed his heart. What could be so bad that Trent would think that Shaun would ever hit him?
"Any time, that I'm around Jason, I get butterflies in my stomach, I want to kiss him, and ummm... I... sort of get an erection."
Shaun was speechless, but as he looked at his brother, he could see the fear in his eyes.
"Look, little bro, it's just a crush and that is all that it is."
Trent felt awkward as he listened to his brother talking.
"You really think it's just a crush?"
"Yeah, I do and it will pass in time. But I don't want you avoiding us because of it, okay?"
Trent felt better getting out it into the open.
"Could we move indoors?"
Trent was smiling. It wasn't wasted on his older brother either. Shaun got up and so did Trent. Shaun opened the patio door and together they entered the house.
Shaun finds Jason upstairs and Trent finds the Xbox 360. Shaun tells Jason that Trent has officially come out to him and then he pauses before speaking again.
"Jason, my brother has a huge crush on you, but I'm not too worried about it..."
Jason was a little bewildered. Shaun wanted Jason to be worried about the crush. Jason wondered why his boyfriend wasn't worried about the issue.
"Shaun, introduce him to Eric."
Now, it's Shaun's turn to be confused. Eric has a boyfriend. He doesn't see that his brother might need to see that there are others gay kids out there. Still, big brother couldn't let go of the worry.
Jason went downstairs to find Trent when the phone rang.
Jason grabbed the phone in the living room.
"Hello, Jason here."
"Hey Jason, Brent here again. We've put together a vigil for tonight at 7:00 till whenever. If you and Shaun would come, that would be awesome."
"Okay, so vigil at 7:00; and where is it being held?
"It will be held outside of the Shultz building, the dorm where Mike lived."
"We will be there."
Trent laid down the controller and looked at Jason.
"What's going on?"
Jason paused for a second as Shaun came downstairs.
"Shaun, we've got a vigil tonight in memory of Mike at 7:00 pm."
"Hmm... looks like little bro is going get a glimpse of the community."
Trent was totally lost. The young man knows what a vigil is, but he's a little lost as to why they're having it.
"Guys, not to sound stupid, but why are we attending a vigil?"
"One of the students in my university's GSA club committed suicide and we are having a vigil in memory of him."
At the mention of the word "suicide", Trent felt sick to his stomach.
"Trent, are you okay?"
"Yeah Shaun, I'm fine!"
He wonders if maybe he should tell them about his thoughts on the words. No, this doesn't feel like the right time. He'll just keep that little gem tucked away for safe keeping.
"Hey bro, I have someone that I want you to meet."
Shaun walked out the front door and walked over to Eric's house.
Trent had no idea who he was meeting, but they must be okay if his brother knows them.
"Okay," Trent said as he walked out the front door following after his brother. The house that Shaun walked over too was a two story house that looked almost identical to Shaun's place. There was a basketball hoop in the front yard, so maybe there is a teenager living here. Shaun knocked on the front door. A man's face peeked out from the window at them. He opened the front door and welcomes them into the house.
"Mark, is Eric home?"
"No, he went with Sarah to do some shopping. He should be back soon though."
"Could you have him stop by when he gets home?"
"Yeah, I sure will."
"Oh... I almost forgot this is my brother, Trent."
"Trent, this is Mark and he is the brother-in-law to one of the most awesome teens you'll ever meet."
"I kind of have to agree with you on that one," Mark said with a smile.
"Well, I guess we need to be heading back to the house."
"Catch you late then!"
"Nice meeting you, Mark."
"Same to you, Trent."
The two brothers headed out from the neighbor's house.
Jason hurries to grab the phone before it goes into voice mail.
"Hello, Jason speaking."
"Jason, Shaun's dad here. Can we talk for a second or two?"
Without Shaun's dad saying a thing, Jason knew that Trent was going to take up a large part of this phone call.
"Jason, I need you to be totally honest with me. What's going on with Trent?"
"Wouldn't this be better coming from Trent himself?"
"Yes, but he absolutely is clammed up."
Jason knew Shaun's dad would be fine with his son, but he still wondered if maybe this phone call shouldn't be handled by Trent.
"Dad... I'm not comfortable handling this phone call."
"I can respect that Jason. Is Trent around?"
"They went next door, but wait... someone is coming inside. Hold on."
Jason walked up to Shaun and Trent.
"Trent, your dad is on the phone and he's worried about you. Do you want to talk to him, or do you want Shaun too? Whoever talks to him, is going to have to out Trent."
Trent looks extremely worried and then looks at his older brother.
"Shaun, it's okay to tell him, but I'm not ready."
Shaun walked over to the phone and picked it up.
"Hey Dad, sorry for leaving you hanging."
"It's okay, Shaun. How are you?"
"I'm good, how can I help you?"
"Shaun, I'm calling about Trent. What is going on with him? What's wrong with him?"
"Dad, what I'm about to tell you is not to be shared with Mom. Trent gave me the okay to tell you."
"Okay, I can live with that."
"Dad, he's gay. I'm sure he's been worried sick over anyone finding out. It took him awhile to even tell me."
"Is he sure?"
"Dad, he is; there is no doubt in his mind or in mine."
"Well, it's a lucky thing then that we have a room already set up for him here, because if your mother finds out he won't be welcomed back, but you already know that.
"True, very true." Shaun hated that he's right. He keeps wishing that their mother would come around.
As Shaun was saying goodbye to his dad, someone knocked on the door.
Jason walked to the door to open it.
"Hey Jason, do you know what Shaun wanted?"
Eric was standing in front of him. You really couldn't ask for better neighbors. Eric, Sarah, and Mark are the best neighbors that any couple could ask for. Well, maybe after Miss White.
"Hold on a second Eric, I think I know what he wanted."
Jason turns to walk up the stairs to see where Trent is, only to find the young man coming down the stairs.
"Trent, I want you to meet our neighbor, Eric."
Jason points to the doorway. Trent glances past the adult to see Eric. Both boys stared at each other as if they are star struck. Eric came out of it first. If he wasn't with Steve, he might just ask this guy out. Eric would never hurt Steve by cheating on him.
"Eric, this is Trent, Shaun's brother."
"Want to come over?"
Trent looked at Jason to ask if it was alright.
"Go, just remember, we're leaving around 6:30 to head to the vigil."
Trent and Eric didn't wait for Jason to finish his sentence before they headed out towards Eric's house.
When they got to Eric's house, the two teens made a beeline for Eric's bedroom. Eric sat on his bed and Trent sat on his computer chair.
"So can I ask you a question?"
"Sure!" Eric replied.
"Are you adopted?"
"No, Sarah is my sister and Mark is her husband. They are just my legal guardians. I'm sort of hoping though that, if my parents don't come around, they'll consider adopting me. My parents couldn't handle their son being gay."
Now Trent could see why Shaun wanted to introduce him to Eric.
Eric walked over to his desk and took the picture of Steve to show Trent.
"He's cute!" Trent said which felt strange to say around Eric, but oh well.
"Yeah, he is a little cute, isn't he?"
"So, do you ever miss your parents?"
"All the time, just because they don't like me doesn't mean I hate them. Though there are days when I really resent their actions towards me, and believe me, there have been some pretty ugly moments."
"Yeah... my mom doesn't know yet and I already know that she won't like it."
Eric already heard how she treated Shaun so it wouldn't surprise him if she treated Trent the same way.
"What about your dad?"
"I... I think he'll be okay. I know Shaun's already talked to him, so I know he knows, but we've haven't talked face to face yet. I suppose, we will once I get back to Utah." Then Trent changed the subject. "So... how did you meet Steve?"
"I've known Steve since the seventh grade, but it took a while for us to come out to each other. It started off in Quest class one day. I kind of outted myself in one of my classes, and then a couple days later Steve invited me to sit with him at lunch, and after a short discussion, he asked me out."
"He loves you, right?"
"Yupe!" Eric could see the wish forming in Trent's mind."
"Maybe someday, I'll find someone to love me."
"You will; now let's play a game."
Eric ransacked his Xbox 360 games till he found a two player and then opened the box and put the disc into the machine. While they played they talked about the challenges that Eric has had to deal with being a gay teen.
"Eric, did you lose any friends when you came out?"
"Yeah, I lost one of my best friends, Dale. He kind of went off the deep end when he found out. At one point he snapped a picture of me and Steve kissing. He even sent it to my mom. I lost a bunch of friends at church. But the good friends are still around."
"When did Sarah and Mark find out about you?"
"Well, it happened one day while Steve and I were upstairs playing video games. They caught me kissing Steve. We ended up going out as a family to eat, and on the way to the restaurant, Sarah and Mark asked me about it. Talk about the scariest second in my life. My life has never been the same since."
Trent has noticed that Eric seems to be pretty cool. He also noticed something else. Eric loves his mom and dad, even though they let go of him. He still loves his mom and step dad at times. Maybe this being gay isn't so bad, and hopefully it will get better once he finds a boyfriend. Trent still feels extremely nervous about coming out to his family. It didn't take long for Trent to completely forget about his worries. Before he knew it, it was time for him to leave.
"Thanks for having me over at your house."
"Any time, Trent; I hope everything goes okay. Hey wait up, here's my number."
Eric really quickly wrote out his number for his new found friend.
"Thanks Eric! I had better get going or the guys will kill me."
Eric walked Trent to the front door and waved goodbye.
Shaun and Jason were already in the car waiting for Trent for their trip to the university. A crowd of people had already gathered outside the dorm. There were people coming up left and right hugging Shaun and Jason. They introduced Trent to each and every one of them.
"Trent, see the yellow band around my wrist and Jason's wrist?"
"Yeah, what does it mean?"
"Well, everyone wearing it is a member of our GSA here on campus."
Somewhere deep inside of him, he felt a warmth building up inside of him, a warmth that comes from being around like-minded people. He's never been around this many people who were in the GLBT community and their allies. Trent finds it refreshing. There is an incredible sense of lose, but there are also other feelings as well. Peace and Sadness hang in the air. Hope visits during the time that Trent was out there with his brother and Jason. It was sad to leave the vigil, but as Trent neared the house, he knew what was needed to bring the day to a close.
Trent couldn't wait to record his thoughts in his journal. He walked up the stairs to the guest bedroom and grabbed his journal.
"This entire trip has been wonderful. From meeting Eric to having the talk with my brother, I've come away with so much from this trip. For the last two hours, we've been at vigil for a guy who Shaun and Jason knew who committed suicide. It was sad knowing that someone took their own life, but for me, it was a blessing. I felt alive with everyone around me. It was as if everyone there was making me stronger. As we stood there with our candles and talked, I really felt a connection with everyone in the room. I don't feel sad that I'm gay. Right now, I'm embracing it, and maybe when I'm down, this will be something that will help me remember."
Trent is tired of trying to be someone he's not. Living with his dad won't be so bad; at least he'll feel free.
= = =
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