Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2010 22:48:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: Sam Shell <stories_of_sam@yahoo.com>
Subject: Josh goes to college chapter 7

This story is purely fiction. However, some places mentioned do in fact
exist, but certain things may be changed for the advantage of the story.
This story will at some point include sexual relations between two
college-age males. If you don't want to read something like that, then
leave. If you are under the age of 18 (21 in some areas), or if it is
illegal for you to view this material, then you should exit out of this.

This story is copyrighted and may not be copied for any reason, without the
authors' permission.


*Justin*

As I got older, my parents' finances improved; they were not rich, but not
struggling. This was not the case when I was little, though I remember them
discussing the lack of money when they thought I was asleep. I didn't
understand what they were talking about at such a young age, but I
recognized the worry in their voices, which made me worry.

My dad went to school during the day and worked at night, and my mom worked
2 jobs. My uncle offered to take care of my brother and I while they
worked, and, since he was just asking to live in the house to save some
money on renting a place, this was a good offer for my parents, because
they would be able to work without having to worry about paying a
babysitter.

I was 5 and my brother was 3. We had so much fun with my uncle; he
willingly got in the floor to play `cars' with us, and the days were filled
with laughter. But when I was 7, my dad sat me down and told me that Uncle
Mike wasn't going to live with us anymore. I was so upset that I cried for
days; I didn't understand why he had to leave.

It turns out my dad had graduated and got a good job, so my mom would only
have one job (she is a nurse). This was great, because I missed my parents,
but every time I saw Uncle Mike after that, he looked at me, and I could
see he was sad. I wanted to see the goofy Uncle Mike again; I always
wondered what made him so sad; I haven't seen him in 7 years.

I guess I'm thinking back over my life, because I don't know what's going
on with me. I came here hoping I'd make new friends and find another
girlfriend, but it seems like all I'm doing is pissing people off. I
thought Josh and I would be friends, and it was going in that direction,
but all a sudden, he started avoiding me, and I hardly ever see him. The
guys on the team now stay away from me, like they are afraid I'm going to
explode, which to tell you the truth isn't unreasonable for them to think
that, because I feel so angry all the time, and I'm actually scaring
myself. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this, because I didn't
start feeling like this until I started college. What hurts the most out of
all of this is how distant my brother is acting towards me. When I call
him, he makes some excuse to hang up as fast as possible, and what he does
say is just stuff about the weather and shit like that. We used to spend
hours talking, and he won't spend five minutes talking to me now. I know
all of this is my fault; I've been pushing people away because of how I'm
acting, and I don't even know why I'm acting like this. Honestly, I don't
care about what other people think about me, but I do care about getting my
brother back into my life; I just don't know how.

I made yet another remark to Josh, when his friend was over, and usually he
leaves, but this time he yelled at me. I don't know what came over me, but
I yelled back and stormed out. When I got back, it was late and Josh wasn't
in the room. I was going to apologize to him, but since he wasn't there, I
decided to just go to sleep. But lately, I've been having this dream where
I see the shadow of a person coming toward me, and before it can get close
to my bed, I wake up. It always shakes me up, and I'm left breathing hard,
and sweating, and trying not to cry. I wish I could get past the point
where I always wake up to see what happens, but I never do. They started
the night before I came here, and they have gotten worse, and the shadow
has gotten closer every time. I don't think Josh has noticed, or he would
have said something, but after a night of dreaming `The Dream', I go
quickly from feeling scared to angry. I keep getting angrier, and I'm
scared I might actually hurt someone.

"Goodnight, buddy," Uncle Mike said.

"Night, Uncle Mike."

I laid there scared of the dark, but I always refused a nightlight, because
that was for `babies', and at 5 years old I was not a baby; I was a big
boy. Bad people would come into my room in the middle of the night, so I
would try to stay awake, but eventually I'd fall asleep. I wake up to a
shadow coming closer, and closer and......

"NO, NO, PLEASE NO!!!" I sat straight up in my bed, panting and sweating,
and this time I really was crying. It's also the first time I woke up
screaming. God, I'm shaking so badly, and I realize I'm really, really
nauseous. I barely make it to the trash can, and lose all that remains in
my stomach, and then start dry heaving. When I finally get myself calmed
down, I climb back in bed and just lay there; I don't think I'm going back
to sleep tonight.

*Noah*

I know it's crazy that I seemed to go from suicidal to happy, but that is
exactly how I felt when I woke up and saw Josh. What I'm having trouble
dealing with is my conversation with Aiden; I mean did it really happen? Or
was it some type of reaction to what I tried to do? I guess I'll never
know, but I'd like to think it was real. Regardless, Aiden's right - I
can't spend my life alone, and I know Aiden, and he would do exactly what
he said...send someone to me. He loved me that much and I can't let him
down by not living my life.

As I continue to stare at Josh, I know I have some explaining to do. I
mean, I know we haven't known each other for long, and we really don't know
anything about each other, but if he feels about me what I feel about him,
that strange force pulling us together, then I can only imagine how he felt
finding me lying on my bed almost dead.

Is it crazy that we feel like this when we haven't even really had a
meaningful conversation? Probably, but some things in life seem crazy, and
sometimes what seems like the craziest situation turns out to be the best
thing that could happen. I won't pretend to understand why we seem to fit
together; I'll go with it and move on...move on with Josh. Aiden will
always be in my heart, and I definitely won't forget him, but I need to try
to live again.

Josh started to move a bit, and then he opened his eyes, and seeing that
I'm awake, he smiles.

"Hey," he said. "How ya feeling?"

"I'm ok...look, Josh.... I'm sorry; when I get out of here we have a lot to
talk about."

"I know; lets not worry about it right now."

"So do you know when I can get out of here?"

"They said they have to keep you 72 hours."

"What! I don't want to stay here that long!"

"Well, anytime someone tries to do what you did, they keep you for 72
hours."

I sighed, and said, "Fine! It was my fault anyway; I was stupid."

"Why did you do it anyway? No...wait that isn't any of my business."

I sighed; there is no way I can wait until I get out of here. I want to
tell him, but it hurts so much to talk about it; but maybe that's what I
need...to talk about it; so I take a deep breath; I have to tell him.

"It's a long story, and I don't like talking about it, but you deserve to
know. I don't know what this is between us, but I feel like we belong
together. I hope that doesn't scare you; I know it scares the shit out of
me, and you should know why it does. You see, I'm gay, and I had a
boyfriend. I loved him so much; I can't even describe how much I loved him,
and I still do love him. We planned on going to college together, and
living together. On our 2nd anniversary, we went out to eat, and he gave me
a ring and told me he wanted to be with me forever. On the way back to my
house, this guy ran a stoplight and crashed into the drivers' side of the
car, and Aiden, my boyfriend, was killed instantly, and I just got some
minor injuries. I kind of just shut down, and then my parents got sick of
how I was acting, so they told me to move on, and my dad said I was
over-reacting, and I lost it and told them that Aiden wasn't just my
friend, but my boyfriend, and they kicked me out of the house."

"When you kissed me and I kissed you back, I freaked out, because I felt so
guilty, and I felt like I was cheating on Aiden. Josh, I really like you,
and it felt so good to kiss you, but I realized how much I still love
Aiden, and how much I miss him, and I lost it. I ran, and before I knew it,
I was at the cemetery, and I talked to Aiden, and I just felt like I wanted
to go be with him; so I came back to my room and did what I did."

"I know this sounds crazy, but I swear I saw Aiden, and he told me that it
wasn't my time to die, and that he sent you to me, and to be happy and love
again."

"Wow! I'm so sorry, Noah. I have no idea what I would do if something like
that happened to me, but I have one question - are you going to listen to
him?"

"Yeah, for the first time in a long time, I feel happy, but Josh you're
going to have to go slow with me. I don't think I'm ready for a lot of
stuff that goes with a relationship."

"Of course, Noah; you set the pace, ok? Take as much time as you need; I'll
be right there with you, waiting until you're ready. I want to see you
happy."

A doctor came in and said, "You are going to have to leave now. I came in
here earlier, and you were asleep, so I left you alone, but now you really
do need to leave; you can come back during visiting hours tomorrow."

"Oh, ok, doctor. Thanks for letting me come see him."

"No problem."

"I'll be here tomorrow morning, ok?"

"No, Josh; you can come see me after your classes."

"I can skip them."

"No, don't skip them; I'll be ok."

"Ok, I guess I'll go, but I'll be here right after my last class."

"Ok," I said, smiling at how much he seemed to care.

When he left, I fell asleep, with yet another smile on my face; I think my
face might get stuck that way.

*Justin*

After I had `The Dream' last night and woke up, I couldn't go back to
sleep, I don't know what time Josh came back, but I know it was late when I
heard him come in. I acted like I was asleep, so I wouldn't have to deal
with him. I was so tired in the morning, that I just said `fuck it', and
decided to skip my classes and practice. Besides, something about `The
Dream' this time was worse; I mean I woke up at the same time I always do,
but I reacted a lot worse than I ever have. I've been having this dream for
a couple weeks now, but I have never screamed or gotten sick before. I
don't know why I suddenly started having a dream like that; maybe it was
the changes I'm making in my life...moving out, going to college; I don't
know, but whatever the reason is, it needs to stop, because I feel like I'm
going crazy. I feel like I have nobody to talk to; I've pushed everybody
away - my teammates, my roommate, and my brother. The only one I can talk
to is my mom, and I feel too embarrassed to talk to her. I know I would
disappoint her if she knew how I've been acting, and the last thing I want
to do is disappoint her.

*Josh*

Oh, my god! I can't believe what Noah has been through - losing his
boyfriend, and then his family. I hate to even think this, but if I had
gone through something like that, I don't think I would have survived. I
can now understand why he always seemed so sad to me, and why he acted like
he did towards me over the past couple weeks. If he'll let me, I'll do
everything I can to keep that smile on his face, because I never want to
see the sadness in his eyes ever again.

It was after 2 am when I got back to the room, so I quietly got undressed
and laid down on my bed; I have to get up in 3 and a half hours. When the
alarm went off, I cursed it. I never did fall asleep; I kept thinking about
Noah, and the night I had. I kept seeing him lying on his bed, pale. I
shudder every time I think of that; just a few more minutes and....I can't
even think about that.

I went to swim practice, and realized that I probably should let the coach
know about Noah being in the hospital, but what if he asks why? I can't
just tell the coach the reason why.

"Coach, can I talk to you in private real quick?"

"Ok, but make it quick; we have a lot to do today."

"Umm...Coach, Noah, Noah Watkins is in the hospital."

"What happened, is he ok?"

"Yeah, he'll be ok, and as far as what happened...I think that is something
that he should discuss with you, if he feels he should."

"Well ok; he can tell me, but he really should tell me, because this is the
second practice he has missed, and we are only 2 weeks in. If you see him
again, tell him that he needs to get a doctor's note." He turned to walk
away, but stopped and said, "tell him that I hope he's ok, and gets better
soon."

Well, at least he isn't a complete asshole.

I got through practice, and then classes, but to be honest, I couldn't tell
you what any of my professors said, because all I could think about was
Noah, and going to visit him. After my last class, I went up to my dorm
room; I wanted to take another shower before going to see Noah. When I got
to my room to get my shower kit, Justin was there, and he looked like he
hadn't even left his bed. I should have known he would start skipping
classes eventually; he just seems like the type of person to skip all the
time (I know what you're thinking; yes, I was going to skip today, but can
you blame me for wanting to be there for Noah?). When I got a closer look
at him, he looked like total shit, and he looked like he had been
crying. Shit! I can't just ignore that, even though he has been a total
asshole to me, but I'm supposed to go visit Noah...but ok, he can wait a
little bit; he'll understand. Damn! Me and my conscience!

"Justin, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok; can you just leave me alone?"

"Ok. Well, if you're sure your ok, I'm gonna go take a shower." He didn't
reply, so I grabbed my shower kit and a towel, and left. I swear - I've
never had so many thoughts going through my brain. Can your brain actually
explode? Because I think my brain might explode.

I got out of the shower and headed back to my room to get dressed. When I
got there, Justin was in the same position as he was when I left, and he
looked like he had been crying again. I didn't know what to do, so I just
got dressed and left.

When I got to the hospital, Noah was sitting there in his clothes.

"Hey, what are you doing in your clothes?"

"Well, I talked to the psychiatrist, and explained why I did it, and how I
felt now, and he said I could go home early if I wanted to."

"Wow! I can't believe he is actually letting you out early; that's great!"

"Yeah, I know; I just want to put this whole thing behind me. I guess I
just freaked out and over-reacted, but in a way I'm glad I did it, because
I actually feel so much happier, and I feel like I can move on and not be
stuck in whatever kind of funk I was in."  ------------------- *I do not
condone a suicide attempt, so please don't try it. It's a permanent
solution to a temporary problem. Let's not forget - Noah is a fictional
character; he does not exist. Thus, his opinion isn't real, either. Now
back to the story.* -------------------

"Well, I can't say I'm glad you did it, but I'm glad you feel better than
you have in a while. I just wish you would have found another way to feel
better."

"Yeah, I know what you mean; I wish I would have found some other way, less
dramatic, but I just wasn't thinking. Now I just want to get out of here,
and try to figure out how to live my life again."

"Well, I'll be here to help you figure it out, if you need me. I want to be
a part of your life, even if that means just as friends. It's all up to
you, and in your own time. I know it won't be easy for you."

"No, it won't, but I'm going to work hard to get to where I need to be, and
I know you'll help me. I don't mean to sound crazy again, but in my dream,
or whatever it was, Aiden said that you would help me, and I would help
you. I just know that you will help me get through this."

"I will; I want to see you happy, and I want to see your eyes light up,
and, most of all, I want to see your smile as often as I can, because when
you smile...well, I'm sorry to say it like this.... but when you smile,
there is no other way to describe you, but beautiful. You melt my heart
when you smile."

He blushed! He is so cute when he does that! God, I want so bad to just
wrap him in my arms and kiss him, and try to make all the pain go away, but
I know I would probably freak him out if I did that; so no matter how much
it kills me, I'll wait; no matter how much time it takes, I'll wait.

A doctor came in, and he signed some papers (I reminded him about a
doctor's note) and we left. When we got back to the school, I walked him up
to his room, and made sure he was settled, and left. He had told me that he
was really tired and wanted to take a nap, so I reluctantly left him alone,
and went back to my room. Justin was still in bed. I don't know what's
going on with him, but he is completely different than when I met him, and
he seems to be getting worse. I don't know what to do about him.

When I woke up the next morning, it looked like Justin hadn't slept, and I
had a feeling he would be missing class again. Oh, well; I don't have time
to deal with him right now; I've got practice and class. I'm so happy that
Noah is ok, and that he is going to be with me all day! I was walking to
practice, when I realized I have that psychology test. Shit! Hopefully we
both do ok on it, because the only time either of us studied for it was
Wednesday, the night that Noah....well, you know.

When I got there, Noah was already there, and he was smiling. I swear his
face might get stuck like that. Hey, that would be ok with me! He followed
me into the locker room (another first), and started getting
undressed. When he got to his boxers, he hesitated, but then just took them
off, and all the sudden, I couldn't move; I couldn't stop staring. He was a
shorter guy, at about 5'9', and his dick was average looking, but he was
perfect to me. I must have looked really funny, just standing there -
staring, because I heard a giggle. Yes, a giggle, and I looked up, and it
was Noah; he was blushing, but also giggling. I started laughing, because I
could just imagine how I looked - staring like that, and then I got down to
my underwear, and looked at Noah, who had stopped laughing, and looked
serious, and then I took them off, and it was his turn to stare, which made
me laugh again, because I'm sure he looks exactly how I did a minute ago. I
realized we probably spent way to long in the locker room, and I didn't
even think about what our teammates would think about us acting like that,
but I don't really care, and that surprised me, because I've always had to
hide from people the fact that I'm gay, but standing there with Noah, I
forgot about everyone and everything around me, and just focused on
him. After we left the locker room, the coach pulled Noah aside, but we
didn't get a chance to talk about it before practice started.

We had another exhausting practice, and then dragged ourselves to
class. "Are you ready for the psychology test today?"

"I guess; I mean we did study for a while before I freaked out," he said,
smiling. I'm glad he can say that and be able to smile about it.

I won't bore you with the details but overall I think I did ok. After our
last class I asked Noah to eat lunch with me and he said yes so we headed
over to the student union. We sat there and talked for hours, I don't think
I have ever talked to someone as long as we did, not even my brother. He
asked me all about my family, about my siblings and whether or not they
knew I was gay and I told him about coming out to Andy and more about
Justin and how he has been acting. He told me about his brother Pete and
how he is really accepting of him and he told me that Pete talks to him
when his parents aren't around to catch him. Noah told me all about Isaac
and about staying with him and his parents and he told me that if it
weren't for Isaac and Pete he wouldn't have made it this long.

"I miss my brother Pete so much, but he is only 16, and it's still 2 years
until he turns 18, and then he'll still have to watch it if my parents pay
for college, and I know they won't let him go to school here. I'm so afraid
that we are going to lose contact."

"That won't happen Noah; both of you are making an effort to stay in
contact, so I know both of you will fight to stay in contact. He seems like
a good guy."

"He is. I've only seen him twice since I was kicked out 8 months ago. When
you talked about Andy, it was like describing Pete and me, and it makes me
miss him even more."

"Eventually, Pete won't have to worry about your parents helping him, and
when he can take care of himself, financially, I know he will be in your
life more often."

"I hope so."

"I know so."

We eventually threw our trash away, and left, and I asked him if he would
like to come up to my room and hang out, and he said `ok', so we headed
back to my room, with me hoping Justin was gone. He was gone, which
surprised me, because he has been lying in the same spot every time I've
been in the room, both yesterday and today.

I put on some music, took off my shoes, and sat on my bed, and this time
Noah joined me. I didn't think we could possibly talk anymore, but we did,
but after a while, we just stopped and stared at each other, and I felt
that now familiar pull toward him, and I leaned over and kissed him, and
when I pulled back, I looked into his eyes, and I saw that he was ok with
it. Then he leaned over and kissed me, running his tongue along my bottom
lip, seeking entry into my mouth, and I accepted. I sucked on his tongue;
oh, god! I had never kissed anybody before Noah, and I was surprised that I
was getting hard, just from kissing. But then he pushed me back, so that I
was lying on my bed, with him on top of me, and I found out that he was
hard, too. I wanted to just tear off his clothes and attack him, but I told
him I would take it slow and let him set the pace, so I forced myself to
calm down. I don't know how long we were making out, but I felt like I was
going to explode. I heard moaning, and I realized it was me! God, I didn't
know kissing was such a turn on. I was sliding my hand up and down his
back, and just when I put my hand slightly into the back of his pants, I
heard the door open....we both looked up....oh, fuck!

I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE A FUCKING FAGGOT!


*Authors Note*

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know I know I left you with a
cliffhanger; you'll just have to wait for chapter 8 to find out what
happens *evil laughter*. So what is the deal with Justin and the dream?
What will happen with Justin and Josh now that Justin knows? You'll find
out soon.

Thanks for all the emails I've received

Thanks to my editor for all his help

Send any comments or suggestions to stories_of_sam@yahoo.com