Date: Sat, 11 Oct 2003 18:49:47 +0000 From: stoo man Subject: "Little Guy, chapter 18, gay college life" This story is based on real events. Some of the character names have been changed to protect various parties. If you are under age and/or are living in an area where stories involving male/male sex is illegal then leave now. The author retains all rights. I love to hear from you all, so as ever please drop me a line at stoo_bob_@hotmail.com. Go on, you know you want to... And I know I want you to... so what's the hassle? Little Guy By Stoo I found myself with nothing to do on the Tuesday morning. My next lecture wasn't until one o'clock. Seems that Lee, the lecturer, was off with the flu. I had smiled. I could use and abuse the gym until then. I had my stuff with me anyway because I planned on going after college. That wouldn't be necessary now, and I could break off early and see Al sooner. I slid down onto the bench which I had set up for the bench press. Taking it nice and slow. First set, light, building up to just below my maximum by the fifth set. My fifth set is 190 pounds I tend not to try and push above this. I like the way my body shape is at the moment and wouldn't want to take it any higher. Once I peak at that fifth set I will only be doing five reps, whereas on the first set I will do twenty and then work my way down. I had just pushed the weight up for my first rep of my last set when I heard the door to the gym slam. It was empty bar myself and whoever had just entered. "What the fuck is your problem?" Ryan's voice. He was pissed. Confused, I set the weight down on its handles and moved to a sitting position. Was he talking to me? I was the only one here, so I guess he was. "What?" I asked, unsure what was going on. His face was red with anger. He was obviously just out of the pool. His hair was wet and the white vest he was wearing clung to his body, soaked in patches. He was still wearing his swim shorts (he only wears trunks when he races), and his feet were bare. "I fucking told you that it was between me and you! Nobody else!" he roared. He was in my face now as I had moved into a standing position. He was chest to chest with me, I could smell the chlorine in his hair and feel the tension pouring out of him. "Ryan, man... Please, calm down. I don't understand." I said, trying to back off, holding my palms out trying to be non-threatening. It wasn't working. He kept coming, keeping us chest to chest. "Like fuck you don't! Come on, you prick! Do something so I canknock your shiny fucking teeth down your throat!" he said, pushing me hard in the chest with his hand. I stumbled backwards, holding my hands by my side. "Ryan... I'm not gonna hit you... I love you man!" I rumbled, this didn't make sense. "Fuck you!" He screamed, pushing me again, "Don't give me that shit! I trusted you man! I thought I could trust you! You are so full of shit!" I could see the beginnings of tears in his eyes, "How could you do this to me man, how the fuck could you hurt me like this?" "What have I done?" I stepped towards him, hands with palms turned upwards. He stepped back as though I was contagious. "Stay the fuck away from me! I ought to fucking plaster you all over the walls... I would have died for you... You self-centred arrogant fucking FAG!" The last word was like a sledgehammer to the gut. Ryan had never called me a fag before. Never. He hated the word. Said it was filled with wanton hatred. Now here he was forcing it down my throat. I lowered my head, my shoulders sagged, and my chest deflated. "Whatever..." Was all I muttered as I staggered off, my heart broken. My best friend had just turned his back on me. I felt cold. Hurt. "That's it just fucking walk away... Fuck up my life then walk away!" he screamed after me. I'm sure I heard it, but it was just sound. I vaguely remember the rest of the day; I spent it sitting in lecture halls with the sound of lecturers' voices reverberating around me. At four o'clock I dragged my heavy feet out to the car park. Al was waiting for me. His face dropped when he saw how I looked, I guess. "Babes, what's wrong?" He asked, as I slid down into the drivers seat of the car. "Nothing... I'm fine!" I tried to force a smile as I started the car and pulled away. The journey home was quiet, bar the radio. Some non-descript music was playing in the background. I think I had liked the track not so long ago. It was just sound now, like everything else. "Babes, Stoo, please let me in!" Al was lying pressed against me in bed, he had his arms wrapped round me. I had cried for about an hour, then stopped. Now I was just lying there. Not doing much of anything. Not even thinking, "Stoo... If... If I've done something please tell me, I need you man. If I've hurt you, tell me please, we'll fix it!" I caught his pleading tone and it snapped me back to reality. I cried again. Patiently he waited it out, holding me. His head resting on my shoulder, his hair so soft. "It isn't you Al... I love you." I finally managed. I could hear him take a sigh of relief. He kissed my neck. "Then tell me what it is, I'll help." So I told him. Recounted the whole event. Then he held me and I fell asleep. He just soothed me, like he always does. Soothed me to my very core till I drifted off. Al's Perspective I fished my phone from my jacket and dialled Ryan's number, confused and worried. These guys were tight. I had never come across two friends who loved each other so much. It was even more remarkable because they were both so different. One gay, one straight. I always look upon their friendship as a ray of hope that society can accept. "Hello?" Ryan's voice was hoarse, he had been crying. His voice trembled a little. "Ryan... It's Al." "Uh... Hey..." He said, he was hurting too. "Can we like meet up... Please." He sniffed, then cleared his throat. "Where?" "I can come over to yours... If you want." "Yeah... ok." He sounded so low. Just like Stoo had. "I'll be right over." I said and flipped the phone shut. I scrawled Stuart a note telling him I had gone out. That I wouldn't be long. Just in case he woke up and found me gone. Ryan's driveway was empty, as I expected. His dad would be working. He always seemed to be working. I pressed the buzzer and Ryan opened it right up, like he had been waiting for me. He moved aside and let me in. He is taller than me (every one is), and I think I surprised him by pulling him into a hug. He didn't resist though. Just kind of slumped against me. "Gonna tell me what's wrong, big guy?" I guided Ryan through to the living room and sat him down on the couch, taking a seat beside him. He was sitting up now, not leaning on me for support any longer. He had his head in his hands. "Today when I was in the union I found a poster on the wall, it said `R.I.P Ry's mum, the hooker!' It was sick man. No one knew that my mum used to be... No one knew..." He whimpered, "How else did they find out?" He asked me, his anger flaring then subsiding, his eyes dropped, "She died of leukaemia. She hadn't worked the streets since she met my dad!" I pulled Ryan in close to me, and he cried himself out. Then he looked up into my eyes, "Why are you here, Al?" "Cause you are my friend, because I love you," I said, pulling him into me once more. "Stoo would never betray you man, never. He loves you so much. You know he always talks about you. I get kind of jealous sometimes cause he loves you so much. I know one thing for sure though, he would never hurt you!" "How else could they know? How could they know?" "I don't know man, I really don't. I think you should come and talk to Stoo though. He is so screwed up over this. He spent so long crying, just crying in my arms. He doesn't know what to do, he's scared he's lost you!" "What have I done man? I know he would never hurt me. I know he wouldn't betray me. I just got so fucked up... I'm so sorry!" I found myself with his arms around me, just hugging me close. He was really warm, he was so worked up. He had been crying and beating himself up so much he had worn himself out. "Let's go see him... hmm? Let's go make things right," I said, brushing his hair off his face. "Al, If you were a girl... I would... You know." That was a start, his sense of humour was returning. That cheeky smile was confirmation. "Yeah... And if you were a girl, I still wouldn't find you attractive!" He slapped me playfully on the arm. "Don't deny it man, you want me!" He grinned, getting to his feet, then he suddenly realised what was ahead and his face dropped again, "Does he hate me?" He asked, he looked so scared. "I don't think he ever could. He's just confused." He nodded, kissed me gently on the forehead. Like he had done many times before, he really is a tender person. He and Sarah had been growing gradually closer, I knew they had a date planned soon. They would be good together. Sarah needed someone like Ryan. He had, of course, played the field. He was pretty well known for it. But Sarah saw something different in him, and I think he realised that she was something different too. He was acting differently around her. He was so shy and reserved it was cute. He would make a good boyfriend. Almost as good as Stuart (or is that just my bias?). Ryan stayed very close to me as we walked to Stuart's. He was obviously not relishing facing Stuart after the scene in the gym. "I tried to provoke him in the gym you know, tried to make him fight me. He wouldn't do it." Ryan muttered, I just smiled. "I know. He told me, he loves you. He couldn't hit you." Ryan smiled weakly at me. "I'm a dick. He doesn't need a friend like me." I shook my head, stopped him at the door to Stuart's house. "You are not a dick, and he does need you. He's a wreck up there without you. That's what your friendship means to him!" He seemed taken aback by my ferocity, my jaw jutting out, like Stoo told me not to do. No risk from Ryan though. He wasn't about to make me rue the mistake. He gave me another little smile. "Thanks. I needed to hear that." He patted my shoulder as I opened the door. "Just be gentle with him. He's hurting." I said to him as we entered, "He's in his room, he might be asleep... If he is, crumple the letter I wrote him when you go in. I'll give you guys some space." "You are a good friend Al, I love you." I grinned, pushed him up the stairs and then moved into the living room. Stoo's Perspective I heard someone enter the room and wiped my eyes, expecting it to be Al. I heard some paper being crunched up and tossed into the bin. As I groggily rolled over, I flinched as I saw Ryan standing beside the bed. Scenario's raced through my head. I prayed he wasn't here to fight again. I don't think I could take any more. He looked really sad when he saw me flinch. His whole stature seeming to shrink. He looked grey. Tired. Ragged. "H-hey," he managed. I now put the fight out of my head, he wasn't here to fight. "Uh-hey." I heard my voice tremble a little. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked into his bloodshot eyes, "Ryan, I don't..." "Stoo, wait," he said, holding up his hands. He sat down on the bed next to me, keeping a respectful distance. I longed to just hug him, to know that everything was all right, "I'm sorry, Stoo, so sorry. I guess I should explain... eh?" He asked. You have no idea how good it felt to hear him say `sorry', to realise that everything was going to be ok. "Ok." I offered. So he sat, with his head in his hands and told me everything. About half way through I shifted over and sat beside him. Putting my arm round his shoulder and pulling him in close. When he finished, he looked up at me, almost like he was half expecting me to be angry with him. How could I be? He was my friend. My best friend, "You should have come to me man, we could have talked it out. I would never betray you like that. You are the best man, I love you like you like family, man." He nodded, hugged me. "I know, I'm sorry. I should have trusted you. I do trust you. I was just upset. Do you forgive me?" "Our friends are those who know their own faults well enough to forgive us ours." --Moulton Farnham. I smiled at Ryan, who gave me a goofy smile back. "Is that a yes?" I laughed and hugged him again. "I think you can take that as a yes. But do you know... Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me... I dunno who said that... But... Meh." I said dismissively then Ryan giggled, it was a brilliant sound. Reminded me of when we were young. I was always much stronger than Ryan. I used to pin him down and tickle him relentlessly till he produced that sound. A little tear trickled down my cheek. "I've done a lot of that today." Ryan wiped the tear from my face, "Al brought me to my senses, you know. Came over, hugged me, made me feel better. See sense. I would have seen sense on my own eventually, but by then it may have been too late. I may have ruined our friendship. He got us back together, man!" I smiled. Little sneak. Clever little sneak, though. We found him sitting down on the couch waiting patiently for us. He looked up as he saw us enter. Confusion written in his face as he saw our stern looks. "Alan! You have been charged with sneaking around trying to patch up friendships. It matters not what you plead, for we find you guilty as charged. Your punishment, the most severe punishment known to man!" I said, Al smirked a little unsure what we were talking about. "That would be?" he asked, getting to his feet. "Tickling!" Ryan bellowed as he rushed the little guy. Two on one. Not fair I know, but he deserved it. Actually it turned into a bit of a free-for-all anyway, so we weren't really ganging up on him. Of course I ended up loosing. They double teamed me. I had to scream mercy ha ha ha. It felt good; after a horrible day it felt really good. Moreover it felt right. Arguing is never a good thing, but an inevitable fact of life. Folks, it's easy to start an argument, but it takes a special kind of person to admit when they are wrong. As someone's friend it is always best you try and sort things out. For "A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight." Again, I don't know who said that, but hey... Can't know them all. Cherish your friends. For I cherish mine, and I am happy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well folks, chapter eighteen. I have a question for you all. I would appreciate your answers. I don't think I could grow tired of writing this story. I mean it's life for me, but I want your input. Should I continue? Do you want something new from me, maybe fiction? Or do you want me to carry on writing little guy? What ever the majority of you wnt, they will get. I love you all for sticking with me. Now's your chance to influence me. Shouts go out to all the usual folks. I don't have the energy left to list them. You know who u are. Lori though I have to flag you up babes. I hope you are feeling well, and thanks for sticking with me through some tought times. Love and Peace, ya Stoo. (love you Al babes, you know it. Even if I'm a dick sometimes!!!)