This is the fifth instalment. Stuff keeps happening and I'll keep writing.

The next day Anton didn't answer my SMS. Even though I wasn't the one at fault, I apologized for my earlier SMS. Still no response. His very camp housemate Misha said Anton was asleep, and invited me over to their place, but I didn't want to just barge in without invitation from Anton himself. I decided to wait it out a bit and see what he'd do. I was a bit confused. How could he send these SMSes and seem so sincere, then just skip our meeting and go into hiding?

On Monday night after university I needed some help with my Russian homework and called him. He picked up and sounded really unhappy. He said he couldn't help me now because he was really busy. He said he didn't know when we could meet. He said he wouldn't be free for a long time. He said he needed to study for university. And he said that worst of all, he was having "big problems" with his life, which he couldn't tell me about and which I couldn't help him with. He said he would think about whether we could meet again. I asked how long I should wait. He said, "don't wait". He hung up.

Again, I didn't understand. What problem could be so big that he couldn't meet? What had changed so much since Friday? I decided to wait until the end of the week before doing anything else. Clingy guys annoy me, and I was trying to put myself in his shoes. It was pretty hard, though. Like I've said so many times, I fell for this guy like Romeo for Juliet.

When I hadn't heard from him by Friday, I - being a soppy romantic - decided to write a sign in Chinese, with the help of my friends, saying just this. "Anton. I will wait. I love you." I somehow found my way to his house and stuck it to the noticeboard there. Then I went over to Alexey's place. As sleazy a guy as he was, he's always been friendly to me (in a "I wanna have sex with you" kind of way). I had to ask for him for advice. Maybe he knew about these problems. Maybe I could help fix them. He told me his apartment address and buzzed me up.

When I got in the door was open and the house smelled like lavender. I couldn't see anyone in the kitchen or any other rooms, so I checked the bathroom. Alexey was lying there in the bath, with a glass of champagne, eating an apple. He gestured for me to come closer. He was naked and the bubbles didn't cover the tip of his huge erection. I bet that wherever you live, the guys aren't as forward as this one. He's unusual even for Russia.

He told me that he and Anton had never had a relationship. That they just lived together because Anton needed somewhere to stay. That his boyfriend in Vienna (who apparently exists) was waiting for him and he couldn't fall in love with anyone. He told me to keep trying.

"The Russian tradition is...follow girl, follow girl, follow girl, no listen no for answer, follow and follow, and bam!" - he made a gesture of a ring on a finger. I didn't know how well this applied to guys, but he seemed sure that I would get him if I kept trying.

An hour later my phone rang. It was Anton. He asked where I was. I said I was in the city. He said "Heath. I think you should go home." I asked if he understood the sign.

He said yes, and there was a long silence.

I asked if we would meet again. And he said "No. We can not. Not ever again." I asked him why. He said he'd already explained, and hung up the phone. I was devastated. Like anybody would be. I just didn't know what I'd done, what had changed, what was going on. What these "problems" could be.

He sent me a final SMS saying "I said we can not to be together. Because I want it." Well, that explained it, I guess. I'm not in the business of going after guys who aren't interested. I decided to go back to the club next night, Saturday, and meet someone new, to help me forget about Anton, if that was possible. Rem called to ask me to a party before I went clubbing, so my night was set up. I met Rem and it was clear he'd invited me for one reason, and that it had nothing to do with my amazing skills of conversation or Russian language.

But I still needed to go to the club. I wasn't sure why. I guess I wanted to see if Anton would be there, and for our mutual group of friends -- who somehow seemed to know everything that had happened -- to know that I was still going out, not sitting sobbing at home. You know how guys gossip. Image is important.

So I got to the club, and hung out with some guys I knew there, for a bit. There was no sign of Anton, and I relaxed and headed out to dance a bit. I found a stunning blonde haired guy to dance with, taller and better built than me, and man, he could dance. He'd been to the US to travel for a year, and his English was great. But behind him, I could make out a familiar figure and I froze. It was Anton, alone on the dance floor. But not for long. Some slut from the club who I'd already heard about came up to him and they kissed. Anton must have felt my eyes on him, because he looked up. I quickly looked away and hid behind my dance partner, whose wandering hand across my front had found its target. Looked like Anton was getting the same treatment, but he suddenly broke away and walked past me, grabbing my elbow slightly as he did so. I ignored him. Now everything made sense. I was annoyed at myself to feel tears in my eyes, and didn't trust myself to stay any longer. I grabbed tall guy's number and left the club. I caught a taxi straight back to Rem's place.

He was surprised to see me, he had just got out of bed to let me in, and was wearing just a pair of grey briefs, but he was hard as rock and that's all I needed.

The moment I got in the door I stripped off my clothes and pinned him up against the wall. I was incredibly hard and incredibly angry, and I just aimed and thrust into him. His ass resisted so I pushed in harder. He grunted in pain and pleasure, and I got the head in, and just thrust and thrust, further in, deeper, and each time thinking about Anton and that tramp from the club. I was angry. I pushed fast and strong, occasionally spitting to lube it up, not caring how hard I went. If it was possible to have revenge sex, this was it. Rem whimpered and came, shooting past his head straight up behind him. I emptied myself into him. It sort of felt like with my cum, too, I was emptying myself of thoughts of Anton. Already I was thinking of where I could get my next sex, with anyone, anyone but Anton. There was a nice guy at university. I'd call him up later that day.

I sent Anton a final SMS. I can never resist having the last word. It read "Now I understand your `big problems'. Thanks for your honesty. Still, better to know your true character now than later. Don't contact me again."

I didn't know how to say all this in Russian though, so it probably read more like "At this time I be to understanding your `bigger problem'. Thanks for honest. Better to know true character about you immediately than later. Don't speak of me again."

I couldn't care less if he responded or not. Before I slept I willed myself not to dream about him. It didn't work.

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